40 years old, divorced and remarried, but not happy, slowly becoming mentally unbalanced

I extend to you a warm embrace from afar. From your account, it is evident that your parents' unhappy marriage during your formative years instilled a profound sense of insecurity and a voracious appetite for love and affection.

It can be observed that your decision to pursue two marriages is driven by an intense desire for a sense of security, stemming from your early experiences in your original family, where a lack of inner security was prevalent due to the unhappy marriage of your parents. It is evident that wounds sustained in relationships can be more effectively healed through the process of forming and nurturing relationships.

However, the prerequisite for this is the ability to heal oneself. This entails a clear and definite awareness of one's sense of deprivation and lack in a relationship. Once this is achieved, one can then attempt to respond to this aspect of one's inner needs consciously through one's own efforts and growth. This is in contrast to the tendency to rely on others outside of oneself, particularly in intimate relationships, to respond to one's needs of deprivation.

In a relationship, the prerequisite for another person to provide the needy response we desire is that they possess the capacity to do so, are willing to do so, and are aware of the extent of our deficiency. Based on these three aspects, the probability of an external person being able to provide the needy response and satisfaction is minimal. No individual is more intimately acquainted with our needs than we are, and no individual is obliged to provide the needy response and satisfaction except for ourselves. What is your opinion on this matter?

In light of the perceived imbalance in your current marriage, you have taken the initiative to become aware of the trauma you experienced during your early years of growth and to attempt to heal yourself through your own learning and growth.

I am Lily, the youngest member of the Q&A Museum. I extend my love to the world and to you.

Good day, landlord.

I extend a warm greeting to you. Based on the landlord's description, I can discern the influence of her childhood experiences, which have shaped her current state of helplessness and passivity.

My formative years were marked by a lack of positive experiences.

During my formative years, my parents exhibited a proclivity for heated altercations and frequent discord.

I was frequently subjected to physical and verbal abuse at the hands of my parents. I developed a strong desire to leave home at a very early age.

At the age of 17, she met a man who was honest and obedient. At the age of 20, she got pregnant unexpectedly and married him. Life was very poor and difficult. When their child was 10 years old, life had still not changed. Her husband was old-fashioned and obedient, which was not at all what she wanted in a man who could protect and give her a sense of security.

It is often said that an unhappy childhood can take a lifetime to heal.

The host has had the idea of leaving home early since childhood.

You have not yet considered who you would like to be with.

Furthermore, when an individual encounters a positive influence, they tend to make hasty decisions and form relationships without due consideration.

This decision has not resulted in the desired outcome.

I was aware that the second individual I encountered was intelligent, masculine, and unmarried.

I terminated my marriage to my first husband and entered into a second union, which provided me with a sense of stability and security.

I acknowledge that I was content in the years following the marriage. I was relieved of the responsibility of managing the family business, and I was able to focus on my work, providing the income to support our household and business expenses.

I also admire the original poster's decisiveness and courage in making the choice to pursue happiness.

It is important to note that no individual is without flaws; we all possess both positive and negative qualities.

Subsequently, the business experienced a decline, and I assumed responsibility for its management, anticipating that he would pursue the development of another venture. However, he remained primarily engaged in domestic tasks, including laundry, cooking, cleaning, and childcare. Despite this, I continued to remit the monthly earnings to him.

As time passed, I began to experience a gradual decline in my mental health.

The manner in which we live our lives is contingent upon our choices.

The quality of our lives is contingent upon our decisions.

The landlord's current situation can be attributed to a passive or active choice.

Ultimately, this is a matter of personal choice, dependent on the host's state of mind.

If the host is unable to accept the current state, he has the option of making changes.

However, this change is to be made at the individual level, not at the group level.

It is not feasible to alter the behaviour of other individuals.

It is also important to note that others have formed fixed values over many years of habit.

It is challenging to effect change in others.

What changes should be made to oneself?

1. Adjust your mindset.

Consider the underlying causes of the host's mental imbalance. What are your objectives?

If it does not involve a matter of principle, it would be advisable to accept the other person's choice first.

Modifying your own mindset may result in a more positive outlook.

2. Adjust your own perspective.

The rationale provided by the other party for assuming responsibility for childcare is not unreasonable.

Furthermore, the responsibilities of laundry, cooking, and cleaning should be considered.

These tasks are not exclusive to women.

Additionally, there is a model in which the male assumes responsibility for domestic duties while the female is employed outside the home.

It would be beneficial to accept the other person and consider modifying your own views.

Perhaps it is not as challenging as initially perceived.

3. Modify your behavior.

The underlying cause of this imbalance is a lack of control.

The host anticipates that the other party will pursue professional growth, but the other party has not taken the desired action.

The host relinquishes all income to the other party for the purpose of covering all household expenses, while the host's role is limited to making payments.

The original poster desires control but is unable to achieve it, resulting in a sense of imbalance.

Please clarify whether you would like to assume control of the financial aspects or the housework.

Rather than expressing dissatisfaction, it would be more productive to take action to achieve the desired outcome. Taking control of the situation is the best way to ensure a positive outcome.

You will not experience feelings of imbalance due to the actions of others.

If you are unable to comply with the other party's requests, you may need to temporarily agree to their arrangements.

I wish you the best in your future endeavors.

I am Warm June, and I extend my warmest regards to you and the world.