A 20-year-old woman has been in a cold war with a male friend for a month due to differing ideas. What should she do?

Hello, my name is Shu Yiqingzheng, and I'd love to share my thoughts with you. I'm here to give you warmth and support from a different perspective.

It's okay if you feel a little distressed and worried about the fact that your thinking and perceptions differ from those of your best friend. We all have different ways of seeing things! Give yourself a big hug and know that you're doing great.

You're great at looking inside yourself and thinking about your feelings and needs. You've also learned a lot about psychology and how to use it to help yourself grow. And you're really good at communicating and getting along with others!

01. Alfred Adler, the founder of individual psychology, once proposed a really interesting idea. He said that all of our problems come from our relationships with other people.

You're doing great! Identifying a problem is an important step towards solving it. Every stage will have some problems, but it's okay, take your time.

In all relationships, you can put yourself first. You can even try to learn to accept and grow yourself through continuous learning!

02: You can try to take a step back and think about your learning methods in a new way. You can chat with your teachers or other students you trust, try to see things from a different perspective, and then follow your heart to determine a learning method and direction that suits you.

Other people's opinions are just a reference, one of the many factors that go into making a judgment. The key is to learn to see your own inner feelings and needs, take responsibility for yourself, have the ability to think independently, and not be influenced by external factors of others.

At the same time, in the process of continuous learning, if I feel supported, I will persevere; if I feel no interest, I can adjust. I'm not worried about gains and losses, nor am I obsessed.

03, the author of the book "The Art of Communication" has some great advice for us! To achieve good intimacy and effective communication, we need to adjust ourselves, express ourselves reasonably, and build relationships.

This book is also divided into three parts to help us learn more about relationships.

Take a moment for yourself to think about how you can improve your communication. Try to understand your own role, perceptions, and emotions in communication.

When we look outward, it's important to focus on the other person. This includes things like their verbal and non-verbal communication, as well as how they listen.

When it comes to relationships with other people, it's so important to focus on the relationship itself, rather than getting caught up in the actions of the other person. It's all about the relationship, the communication atmosphere, and conflict resolution.

Take a moment to think about whether you care about the relationship or the other person's attitude. A relationship is all about mutual understanding and respect, while the other person's attitude is their own business.

If you want to keep your relationship happy and healthy, it's important to learn to use an attitude of understanding, sincerity, equality, and respect. Try to express your concern and understanding to the other person, and give them lots of warm, supportive, and kind words.

It's also a good idea to learn to express your feelings and needs in a clear and specific way, while still being gentle and firm. And don't forget to share with the other person the understanding and support you need!

Reading is a wonderful way to nourish and enrich our minds! It's a great idea to read some books on psychology related to personal growth and family relationships.

For example, you might like to read books such as "The Courage to Be Disliked," "The Art of Communication," and "Having a Life in Which You Are the Boss."

I hope this world and I can help you in some way. I love you!

Hello question asker!

I don't know if you're abroad or in China.

Online classes are hard for international students!

You still have emotions from the incident. When you asked him, did you already have your own thoughts?

Are you just asking for more support and affirmation? Instead of listening, the other person tried to convince you as someone who has been there before.

This leads to poor communication!

People often focus on what they want to say and don't pay attention to the other person's feelings. This can lead to a "win-lose" mentality where you feel like the other person doesn't understand you.

The other person may feel: You don't think I'm right?

He'll work harder to set out the facts and reason things out to help you avoid mistakes. He wants to help you and show you a new direction.

He doesn't know how.

You misunderstand each other. You don't want to argue or convince each other.

You just need to communicate better.

You said you didn't contact each other for a month. You were waiting for him to contact you, but you didn't contact him?

You say he's important to you and you value your relationship. So why not contact him? Girls can be proactive!

If he's waiting for you to contact him, will you keep waiting forever?

I hope you can get back together soon!

Hello!

Give your friend a big hug to show you care and that you're there for them, even if their friendship has temporarily run aground.

Two good friends felt a bit awkward because of their differences of opinion on course selection and didn't contact each other for a month. The relationship seemed to have come to a bit of a standstill, which made you feel a little worried and lost, and you made all kinds of guesses in your heart.

It's so true that everyone sees things differently! We all have different perceptions because of how we were raised, our backgrounds, and the ideas we were taught. A mature person is someone who can understand and accept these differences. They don't get upset when other people have different views because they know that's just how the world works.

How you choose your elective courses is totally up to you! You want to ask your friend about his experience taking the course, but you actually just want to use his experience as a reference for your own. It can be hard when our concepts and course selection methods are completely different. At this point, your friend's best approach is to state his position and return the sovereignty of choice to you. However, he seems to really hope that you will choose according to his wishes, so you feel that you are not being understood, and his strong attitude makes you feel uncomfortable.

It's so easy to get caught up in a difference of opinion when it comes to course selection! It might seem like a clash of egos, but I'm sure there's a way to navigate this without losing your autonomy.

But then, it didn't turn into a big fight between you two.

It's so important to remember that everyone has their own boundaries when we're interacting with friends. We just need to make sure we're looking out for ourselves. For instance, after your friend has finished explaining their understanding, experience, and views on course selection, you could say something like, "What you said is very good, and I will make my choice by referring to your experience." That way, you're showing your friend respect while also respecting your own views.

I truly believe you can avoid similar conflicts.

You said you value your friendship with this person and don't want to fall out over this. This shows you still have an inner need for this friend. Since you have a clear view of this relationship, you might as well take the initiative to break the deadlock and start the conversation again. There's no need for any excuse, and the method is very simple. The most important thing is that you let go of it in your heart, and what the other person is thinking is something you need to ask him and communicate with him about. Everything can be resolved.

I really hope the reply from Hongyu helps! Thanks so much for asking!

Hello, I'm Enoch, the answerer. From your description, it seems like you and a friend have a disagreement about which elective course to take. It seems like you can't reach a consensus, and you haven't spoken in a while. You want to start a conversation, but you're not sure how.

This is an analysis of why the questioner and his friend disagree.

1. What the OP wants to say

The questioner decided to take elective courses in other fields to learn about other disciplines, increase their knowledge, and enhance their future competitiveness. The questioner's idea is comprehensive and has opened up a good learning path. It is a brilliant idea. The questioner also wants to ask friends about their experience in class.

2. What the friend is trying to say

The questioner's friend said that interdisciplinary learning is useless. He said he had the same idea before but then realized it was useless. He told the questioner to just focus on his main course.

My friend didn't understand the questioner's point of view. The questioner felt the other person thought he was stubborn and naive.

The questioner's friend is practical in his studies. He also said that he had the same thoughts as the questioner, but in the end, he didn't think it was practical to learn things that don't have a use.

3. The conflict between the two sides

The questioner hopes her friend will recognize her politeness and give her deeper guidance. She thinks her friend can do this, which is why she considers her friend an important friend. However, her friend's actions have made the questioner feel sad and confused. The questioner does not want this difference to lead to a greater misunderstanding. She also hopes to find the right way to restart the conversation. It would be perfect if they could agree on many issues and become even better friends.

Here are some suggestions for the questioner:

1. Try to see things from other people's points of view.

The questioner and his friend are good people. They are opinionated and stick to their views. They admire each other. The questioner can consider his own thoughts and analyze them. He can respect his friend's advice. He can try to accept others' views. We can learn from others.

2. Learn to see relationships from God's perspective.

The questioner feels misunderstood because they believe the other person is projecting their emotions onto them. This is because the questioner has high expectations of their friend. When we have high expectations and the other person doesn't meet them, we feel disappointed. Therefore, the questioner should not have high expectations and should not rely on emotions. This way, the questioner can view the matter objectively and get along with the other person.

You seem a bit anxious.

You feel angry at your friend. He's pointing the finger at you and imposing his thoughts on you, which makes you feel uncomfortable.

You care about your friendship with this friend. After the last argument, you haven't been in touch for about a month. You don't want this friendship to end badly, but you don't know how to start again.

You're doing great.

You have your own ideas about choosing a course. You asked him for advice, and even though he opposed you, you still stood your ground. This shows you have a clear plan for your own development and strong opinions.

Second, when he said your choice was bad and you should choose a main course based on his experience, you felt resentment, but you controlled your emotions and ended the communication. This makes me feel that you have a good ability to control your emotions and are very polite.

You can reflect well. This month, you have thought about how your friend behaved and why it offended you.

Why do you resent your friend's behavior? What do you expect from him and from yourself?

You hope to get help here because you don't want to lose this friendship.

You've done a great job. How should you handle this? I can give you some advice.

First, understand why this friend is important to you.

Why is he important to you? What do you feel when you're with him?

Why?

Second, know what you want from him.

How does he measure up? Why can't he meet your expectations?

How do you see him? How do you want him to be?

Finally, tell him how you feel and what you want from him.

This process will be meaningful for you.

I hope these tips help.

Good luck! Best regards!

Hello!

Host:

After reading the post, I could really feel how important this friend is to the poster. I could also sense some anger, but I also saw that the poster was brave to express their distress and actively seek help on the platform. This will help the poster to better understand themselves and their friends, and thus adjust their relationship.

Next, I'm thrilled to share my observations and thoughts in the post, which I'm sure will help the original poster gain a deeper understanding of the current situation.

1. Let go of expectations of friends

From the post, I can observe that the poster is a little resentful because their concepts and course selection methods are completely different. I know he is a very treasured friend of the poster, so the poster feels this way.

I totally get where the landlord is coming from! And it's so true that the more important a friend is, the higher our expectations of them are sometimes.

It's only natural to expect that they understand us and that they will understand us more. But when they don't understand us, we get to learn and grow! We shouldn't force them to.

It's so important to remember that everyone's experiences, education, and cultural influences will have some differences. This is what makes life so exciting! We get to see reality, see our friends for who they really are, and let go of the expectation that they should understand us.

2. Celebrate the differences and embrace them!

Human nature is such that we are more likely to see things from our own perspective, which is great! But is our way of seeing things the only standard? Maybe this standard is only suitable for us, but not for our friends?

So, it's totally normal to have differences in a relationship! But what should we do when faced with differences? If we just insist on our own ideas and will, conflicts may arise.

So, what we need to do is embrace our differences! Even if we don't see eye to eye with the other person, we should still listen to them and respect their views. It's not about being right or wrong, but about showing respect. Sometimes, it's really valuable to listen to different ideas, even if we don't fully agree with them.

I truly believe that if we can do this for each other, our relationships will be so much more relaxed and comfortable! It's especially important to remember that men and women have very different ways of thinking and relating.

3. Expressing your feelings

It is also important to express your feelings in a relationship because it's the best way to help the other person understand you! If the other person also expresses their feelings and thoughts, then your hearts can meet with sincerity, and naturally, the relationship will become closer. Many people in relationships have this fear: that if they express their thoughts, they will hurt the other person.

But this is often not the case!

Think about it! Who would we express our feelings to? Someone we trust, right?

And feelings are closest to our hearts, aren't they? Expressing feelings is a great way to show the real you to the other person. It helps them understand you better, what you know, what you like, what you don't like, what you can accept, and what you can't accept.

Absolutely! This will make your relationship better!

4. Try a new way of communicating!

The good news is that the difference between a cold war sometimes is who can break the balance first. The host can perhaps use a joking tone to break the balance. For example, it is said online that the two people have an unspoken understanding: "I don't speak, you don't speak, and the understanding remains."

You can also say openly that you want to talk to the other person. This is something you can do, and it can really help!

Go for it! Pick the method you think is best.

Good relationships require a certain degree of fault tolerance, which is great because it means that the host can also see this cold war as a test of the relationship!

And there's more! You can also learn some new communication methods. For example, the communication methods in "Nonviolent Communication" will give you a lot of inspiration.

I really hope these ideas are helpful and inspiring for you! My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a certified psychosynthesis coach.

Good day, question asker. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

It seems that there has been a misunderstanding between you two, and it has been going on for quite some time. The OP values his friendship with you and considers you an important figure in his life. It is likely that you have supported and assisted him in various ways in the past.

Could there perhaps be a misunderstanding between you?

First of all, it seems that the tone the friend used may have been the cause of the OP's frustration, despite the fact that they hold different views on course selection.

The questioner is enthusiastic about taking online courses and expanding their knowledge. Their experience of taking online courses has led them to reconsider their initial idea.

It's also possible that the friend may not have paid attention to the choice of words or the expression. While the friend's experience of taking online classes may have been negative, it's important to recognize that not everyone's experience will necessarily be the same.

Ultimately, it depends on the individual's needs and efforts. In my opinion, the friend's expression could have been more appropriate.

Perhaps if the friend were to change the tone and state his experience and feelings about taking online classes as a fact, the OP would not be so angry.

Secondly, it seems the questioner may have concerns that friends will perceive them as stubborn and naive. It would be interesting to understand whether this is something the questioner has considered from their own perspective, as it's possible that this perception may not be accurate.

It's just a minor issue that doesn't warrant much concern. The OP hasn't had the chance to experience online courses yet, so it's understandable to have an interest in trying them out.

If there is no desire to engage in a discussion, it may be that the questioner has chosen to avoid it and is not interested in continuing the argument.

I'm not sure if the original poster and his friend used to contact each other every day or once every few days. It's understandable that not contacting each other for a month could be challenging in a relationship where you contact each other daily. However, if you only contact each other every other day, it's still acceptable.

Perhaps the best course of action would be to open a dialogue. It is evident that the questioner has tried to understand his friend and that he treasures his friend. It also seems that the questioner desires his friend's understanding.

Given that the questioner has been studying abroad for a longer period of time, she is keen to avoid being perceived as someone who lacks knowledge in this area.

Perhaps the OP could consider that these are just their own speculations? It's possible that the friend didn't truly think that way, or that they simply expressed themselves poorly on this matter.

The opposition was quite strong, and the questioner felt that he was not fully understood, which unfortunately led to a misunderstanding between the two parties.

Given the questioner's evident affection for this friendship, it seems likely that he is a highly valued individual. It would be beneficial to ascertain whether he also holds this friendship in high regard and to initiate a dialogue with him. If he is reluctant to engage, it is important to respect his decision.

I believe that friends are those who share the same interests and cherish each other.

I hope the questioner can find a way to resolve his concerns and enjoy a happy life.

You have different views. The other person thinks you are stubborn and naive. They don't think you need to understand other disciplines to be competitive. They think it's enough to learn your main subjects well.

You can say you learned nothing from these courses. The other person is being dismissive, but you have different starting points. You can clarify this with him.

A 20-year-old woman and her best friend have different ideas.

International students can take online courses in interdisciplinary studies.

Ask him about the course. Different views and methods

Cold war

Different

You asked him about his experiences, so that's what he said. Even if they're harsh, the two sides don't have to fight. They can still talk it out.

Listen to others and then decide.

Both parties have their own challenges.

Maybe he doesn't like this kind of elective.

He's unhappy with the elective because something happened in the past. He wants to help you avoid making the same mistakes. He's trying to consider your situation.

You'll only know if it's a waste of time by trying. You won't regret your choice.

If the other person doesn't understand, you can write a note explaining what you want. The other person may have gone through something and will tell you about it.

You don't know everything. His attitude suggested you should just listen to him, which is upsetting. It's better to make up than to remain enemies. You'd better become friends.

The other person is also a friend. You can explain what you really wanted and why. You can thank him for his advice, but you can make your own decisions. I hope we can still be friends. Best wishes.

ZQ?