A 30-year-old man, single for two years, cannot let go of his ex, feeling very distressed, how to choose?

It is often said that time is the healer. However, few realise that time itself cannot heal anything, including a broken heart. The answer and the method to heal everything lie in time.

You stated that the relationship ended, but did not provide the reason. However, in subsequent communications, you indicated that you no longer trusted the other party. Was the initial separation also due to a lack of trust?

The optimal emotional state between two individuals is mutual trust. In the absence of trust, the relationship can only be described as "suboptimal." If the relationship is suboptimal, it is not advisable to become overly invested.

Your sense of inadequacy is a direct result of your own abilities. You are aware of this, so why not put in the effort to improve yourself? There is nothing wrong with staying within your "comfort zone," but it will not lead to advancement.

Perhaps you have encountered numerous articles of this nature over the years. What you recall is not the individual in question, but rather the sense of crisis in your confidence that she instilled at the outset. This memory is particularly vivid. After reading extensively on this topic, I will offer a different perspective. Perhaps the emotional insights from psychology will have a slight impact on you.

There is no forgetting her. Have you come to the conclusion that everything you once gave was a joke? Is your sadness and unhappiness because of what happened, or because you feel helpless?

Life is akin to a train journey, with the destination being of secondary importance. What matters is the scenery along the way. In this life, we will encounter numerous individuals, some of whom will bring us joy, some will teach us a lesson, and some will provide us with experience. No one will always be there for us, but someone will always be there for someone else. Since she got off the train halfway, it would be prudent to bid her farewell and relegate the disagreeable experiences to the deepest part of your memory. It is sufficient to remember the positive aspects.

Hello. I'm a heart coach. I'll listen to your story with warmth and sincerity.

I understand your feelings. The breakup has had a significant impact on you, and it lasted two to three years, which demonstrates how much you valued the relationship and the important role she played in your life.

Love is a cup of bitter coffee, with a mellow aroma and a bitter taste. You have to experience it for yourself, but it makes your life more complete and enriching.

1. I'm going to tell you how to face the separation of relationships.

It is crucial for us to understand how to maintain psychological resilience in relationships. This is because the majority of our concerns originate from relationships, particularly intimate ones.

Intimate relationships are different from friendships and family ties. They are highly attractive and profound.

Other relationships don't start with a bang and end in doubt, resentment, and remorse.

We must ask ourselves: what should we do if an intimate relationship comes to an end?

"Many people wrongly believe that marriage is a way to find their ideal partner and become a 'complete person'. They use marriage as a way to deal with their own incompleteness and things they cannot solve independently. Inevitably, this leads to discord." - "Becoming a Better Version of Yourself After a Breakup"

2. Breaking up is painful.

A person will undoubtedly go through the following stages when a relationship ends:

1) Denial

The person involved will have all kinds of doubts and will not accept that this is the other person's real decision.

2) Fear

People in this stage are extremely sensitive and avoid discussing anything related to the previous relationship.

3) Adaptation

This is the stage where they accept the breakup.

4) Loneliness

They are easily moved by reminders and are afraid of remembering the past.

5) Friendship

People in this stage seek out new social groups and keep themselves very busy. They use socializing as a way to escape the loneliness they feel.

6) Guilt

After going through the previous stages, people in this stage begin to reflect on themselves, think about what they did wrong, and even start to look for reasons for the breakup from the perspective of their original family.

7) Falling into negative emotions

People in this stage feel sad, upset, and helpless. Their emotions are volatile and negative.

8) Let go.

You focus on yourself again and make plans to make changes.

9) Pretending to be friendly and trying to love.

This is the stage of self-integration.

3. Self-reminder after a breakup

1) The scenery is objective. Your heart is the only thing that's restless.

Judgments are based on behavior, not experiences.

3) Criticism, complaining, and blaming will only make you feel better for a while, but it is also a kind of consumption.

4) You accept a relationship because your intentions are worthy, not because the other person is worthy.

5) You're not waiting for a response from the other person. You're waiting for the result you're hoping for.

Every love is a process of self-growth for a person. It begins with opening up, then accepting the other person, and finally returning to oneself.

From this relationship, you will see the important gift of life that is yours. Your sincere efforts will be rewarded with the greatest gift of all.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. I love you, and I love the world too.

If you want to continue communicating, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello, young man.

You're 30 now. Well done on making it this far. You've come a long way from your younger days. You're mature, experienced and charming. So why have you got low self-esteem? You're at a great age, in the prime of your life. You can contribute to your family, society and country. Don't underestimate your own strength. It's powerful.

You said you can't forget your ex. How long has it been since you broke up? The fact that you can't forget her shows that you're a caring and responsible young man.

I'm not here to tell you to forget her right away. I can't even do it myself. How can I ask you to do something I can't do myself?

It's only natural to remember past events from your life until you're 70 or 80. We're emotional creatures, after all. But will you still care about her when you're that old?

By that time, you'll probably have a full house of children and a successful career. You'll probably be able to laugh about this whole thing and no longer feel the same torment and suffering as you do now. You might even smile and laugh at yourself for being so young and reckless.

Do you understand now? Don't force yourself to do something deliberately. The more you try to forget, the more you'll remember, and the more you'll suffer. Just let it be. If you can't forget now, forget it. Think about the good times you had together, and then wish her well and thank her for the memories.

You're already 30, and you're more than capable of making the right choices for yourself. I believe in you!

I'm not going to give you career advice just yet, as I don't think I'm the right person to do so. What I do know is that ten years of hard work in the classroom, just to be nominated for the imperial examination scroll one day, will definitely help you along the way to success!

I wish you the best of luck in your career and that you'll be able to overcome any obstacles you may face!

I hope you find a relationship that is mutually affectionate and lasts until old age!

Have a great night and sweet dreams!

Good day!

I appreciate your question. I believe this is a common challenge that friends who have experienced a breakup often face.

Facing the breakup, you may feel the urge to let go, yet you find it difficult to do so. You may also feel the need to start again, but you find yourself still dwelling on the past and unable to move on.

I can relate to your mixed feelings, and I would be happy to talk through this with you further.

In your question, you mentioned that you have been feeling sad since the breakup two years ago, which has led to a loss of trust in girls. This leads me to believe that something must have happened at the time that caused you to feel hurt, sad, and perhaps angry. In short, if you no longer trust girls, it seems that there must have been a crisis of trust in your last relationship.

So, for the time being, it might be more helpful to focus on understanding what happened to cause the emotional pain and inability to trust, rather than immediately seeking to fill the emotional void with a new relationship. This could be a more constructive way to move forward.

Secondly, you mentioned that you might feel inferior again and always think that you are not good enough if you find a new girlfriend. This could involve the part of our inner self-growth.

Secondly, you mentioned that you might feel inferior again and always think that you are not good enough if you find a new girlfriend. This could involve the part of our inner self-growth.

In the unfortunate event of an unsuccessful relationship, it is not uncommon to experience feelings of doubt and self-rejection. We may find ourselves wondering if the other person rejected or abandoned us because we felt we were not good enough or not outstanding enough.

It's understandable to feel that our own shortcomings may have contributed to the breakdown of a relationship. However, a truly healthy intimate relationship is the result of a mutual effort between two people, rather than being the sole responsibility of one individual. It's important to view the relationship in a balanced and comprehensive manner, rather than solely attributing the failure to one's own shortcomings.

It's understandable to feel like a relationship's failure is due to one's own shortcomings. However, a truly healthy intimate relationship is the result of interaction between two people, not the responsibility of one person alone. It's important to view the relationship objectively and holistically, rather than attributing it to one's own inadequacy.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider where the belief that we are not good enough and cannot trust girls anymore comes from. What is the reason for our internal operating model, and what experiences have shaped our self-perception in this way?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether we have ever experienced a traumatic event that we would prefer not to acknowledge or confront.

It's possible that distracting yourself or not thinking about it may numb you for a while, which could feel better in the moment. However, it might be helpful to consider whether this is actually addressing the underlying issue.

To overcome the frustration of a breakup, it may be helpful to find the courage to confront the emotions that are causing you distress.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that self-denial may not be the most beneficial approach in this situation. If you feel it might be beneficial, counseling can provide a supportive space to explore and understand your experiences, as well as a chance to work through your inner feelings with a counselor.

It would be beneficial for us to bid farewell to the past and prepare ourselves mentally so that we may face the future with greater ease.

If I might make one more contribution, I would like to suggest that although we are caught in pain at the moment, the true value of pain is to remind us to explore the true feelings behind painful emotions. This could be a sign to start a journey of wisdom.

If I might make one more contribution, I would like to suggest that although we are currently experiencing pain, it is an opportunity to explore the feelings behind painful emotions. This could be a sign that it is time to embark on a journey of wisdom.

I believe you are good, and that those who understand you will naturally understand.

Until we meet the right person, it might be helpful to focus on becoming the kind of person worth waiting for.

I hope things work out for you!

Hello,

It's been two years since you broke up with your ex, but you're still hung up on him.

Find a new one. But you don't think you're good enough, you're self-conscious, and you're worried that you won't find the right one.

Give your career your all, but it's tough not to let emotions get in the way.

It feels like you're torn inside. Whether it's a relationship or a career, you can't make a decision, and it's hard to start over. Is that how it is?

Many people are like this in life. They're torn between two options when faced with a decision, which takes up mental energy and wastes time. In the end, they often don't achieve much.

It's time to let go of what needs to be let go of.

You haven't been able to move on from your ex in two years. Why is that?

If it's truly impossible, you might as well let it go. How do you do that?

No matter how good or bad she is, she is already in the past. dwelling on the past and being unable to move on is basically the same as committing suicide. I apologize if this sounds harsh, but I just want to wake you up.

If you don't let go, you'll always be carrying a burden, and you'll never be able to enter into a relationship.

Don't fret about your current situation or your inferiority complex.

You have hands and feet, strength, and a brain. Work hard, work well, understand yourself, face reality, don't aim too high, and eat only as much as you can handle.

Time is on your side, and opportunities come to those who are ready for them. Learn a professional specialty and develop your skills. When you see results, your confidence will grow.

Confidence comes from taking action.

Set yourself some realistic goals for your life and career, plan carefully, make sensible arrangements, and then just get on with it.

Fill your time with work, and you won't have time to dwell on your problems. Look at more positive things, socialize with more enterprising and upwardly mobile people, and learn from them. Avoid dwelling on problems and growing old without achieving anything.

Life is great, and it takes hard work to make the most of it. Let's do this!

Hello, host!

From the words of the original poster, I can tell that you are a very sentimental person with a soft heart.

People with this personality are great at giving warmth and care to others when they're dealing with them. They just need to remember to take care of themselves too!

So here's the thing: while we love others, we should also not forget to take care of our own feelings!

First, accept the fact that you have already broken up!

You've already broken up, so now it's time to move on! Take it slow and let go of this relationship gradually.

But here's the thing: while you're still stuck in this painful situation, the other person has already moved on and found a new love interest! You're the only one still stuck in the past, licking your wounds and suffering.

The absolute best relationships are mutual! And a relationship that is mutually enjoyable is the most beautiful thing in the world!

Or should you always let yourself be in pain and unable to extricate yourself?

The host said it's easier said than done, and we get that! We totally understand the reasoning behind many things, but it's not always easy to put it into practice.

But after realizing this, you must tell yourself that you should let go—and then go for it!

If you really can't do it, then you'll just have to embrace the challenge and learn to live with the pain.

And, regarding the owner's inferiority complex, you absolutely need to face yourself squarely!

Each of us is a unique individual, and that's a wonderful thing! Don't try to be someone else, and don't expect to become someone else.

No matter how great I am, there will always be someone who is greater. And that's a good thing! No matter how insignificant I am, I am an important presence in the hearts of my family.

Family members are always the people closest to us, no matter what their appearance, abilities, or income!

If the original poster can make their parents happy with their own abilities and get along well with their siblings, they've already achieved so much! They've mastered the basics of being a person.

And the best part is, you get along well with friends and colleagues outside of work, and you can support yourself by doing your job well. This is already considered a life of small achievements, right?

And finally, when it comes to love, make room in your heart and be prepared to welcome new relationships with open arms!

When it comes to love, it's all down to fate! So, make room in your heart and get ready for some new relationships!

If you keep holding on to the old relationship, you'll miss out on the chance to meet someone new!

I totally get that the host is feeling nostalgic and emotional, but it also depends on the specific situation and who it is used on.

If you use it correctly, it will bring you so much happiness! But if you use it incorrectly, it will bring you pain.

I really hope the host can come out of the pain and move towards a happy future!

I am warm June, and I love you, the world!

I understand you're upset!

In the world of emotions, no amount of hard work will lead to a good outcome. Whether a relationship succeeds has nothing to do with whether you are good or not. Only the two of you know if you are a good match.

If it doesn't work out, it's not your fault.

You're single because you haven't met the right person, not because you aren't good enough.

Second, know what kind of person you want as a partner.

It's easy to say, but few people are really clear-headed, which is why so many people are single and there are so many problems after marriage.

If you value appearance the most and marry someone of average appearance, you'll be unhappy. No matter how hard they try, their appearance won't suddenly become more attractive after marriage.

The other person will never be satisfied.

Finally, single friends must know the most important qualities to look for in a partner are appearance, income, and education. They must also know what they don't want, like gambling, alcoholism, and violence.

Once you know what you want, you'll find more options and people will be more likely to introduce you to suitable partners.

Good luck! Good luck in love!

Hello.

Intimacy is a profound experience for each of us. The end of a relationship will inevitably deal a heavy blow to us, leaving behind a wound that we will think about from time to time.

We must forget the past and start over. This means we must get rid of the bad memories from our relationships. Everyone would remember the good times if they could.

Let's be real, no one can guarantee that there won't be problems in such an intimate relationship. The key is how you deal with the conflict points that arise between you. Why did you break up? This is what we need to pay attention to, and this is laying a good foundation for your future development of another relationship.

You also mentioned that you are not very confident and think that the conditions are not good. It seems that you are a bit frustrated and powerless. In fact, conditions can be created by yourself, but it mainly depends on you. It doesn't matter what we are like now, but you can decide what you want to be like in the future.

You're ready to focus on your career, and that's great. But don't forget about relationships. If you meet someone nice, get in touch. You're not looking to fall in love, but you do want to connect. Be positive and proactive. Don't be self-deprecating. When you're in this mindset, others feel close to you.

However, when you hear or see familiar scenes and just can't help but think about them, it's okay. Give yourself a little more time, and you can also switch to doing something else at that point, or find someone to chat with. When your attention is partially diverted to the outside world, your thoughts will not be completely immersed in this negative state.

I'm confident this will help.

Hello, dear reader. I can see you're feeling confused right now. I'm here to support you!

You're having a bit of a rough time in your personal life. I'm here for you.

Maybe you've had a bad experience in a previous relationship, which is why you don't trust women anymore.

It's true that bad romantic experiences can distort our views on love.

It's been two years since you broke up, so it's time to move on.

So, how do you move on from a past relationship?

I think you should write her a formal farewell letter. There's no limit on the number of words or length.

You might also want to try the "empty chair technique."

The "empty chair technique" is simple. Just sit in a chair and imagine that the girl is sitting in another, empty chair. Then, tell her everything you want to say to her.

Often, once you've said it, you'll feel completely relieved.

If you're not sure how to use the "empty chair technique" described above, I suggest you speak to a professional counselor.

A counselor can help you get your head back in the game when it comes to relationships. Once you've got that sorted, you'll be ready to start afresh.

I really hope you can find a good solution to the problem you're having soon.

That's all I can think of at the moment.

I hope my answer was helpful and inspiring. I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world. Best wishes!

Hello there!

I want to give you a warm hug. I know how hard it is to let go. It's the most painful and difficult thing to deal with. But you're stronger than you think. Why not ask yourself why you still miss him/her?

? Accept the current situation and start examining your own heart.

You've already noticed that you can't let go and are afraid to pick it up, and that's okay! It's actually a great opportunity for change.

Take a moment to think about all the wonderful things about your partner. What are some of the reasons you love them? What are their strengths and benefits? What makes you happy? Now, imagine if you could get back together. How would you get along again?

Then, act according to what you know in your heart and follow your gut. If the other person is still single, go get them back! Even if it doesn't work out, there's no harm done.

Find the other person and have a nice chat with them. Then, say goodbye with a sense of ritual.

After exploring and thinking about it, I really do think you should have an answer inside!

Then go and have a chat with the other person! Tell her all your true thoughts and all the good things you think about her.

Then, give your partner a big, warm blessing. No matter what happens, you've had a great chat. And no matter what the outcome is, you can move forward with confidence and courage!

If, after talking it through with the other person and getting an answer, you still can't let go and you're struggling to overcome your inferiority complex, it's not about love or being single, or whether you find a partner or not. It's about an unfulfilled expectation in your growth process and an unhealed wound. This is something you can work on! There are the following ways to grow:

? One-on-one psychological counseling is the fastest way to get help, but it can also be a bit expensive.

? Take courses related to inner growth! Growing and exploring with a group of people can take you very far.

? Start studying psychology and reading related books! This is the most cost-effective way to learn, but it does require persistence and self-discipline.

I really hope my answer is helpful to you! I love you all so much, and I hope you have a wonderful day!

Hello, host.

I can understand why you might be troubled to hear the song, as it can evoke feelings of a broken heart that you haven't yet resolved. Songs often have a strong ability to move us emotionally, evoking both our joys and sorrows, and memories of the past.

It may be helpful to recognize that these emotions indicate we have not fully "let go" of the past.

I'm not sure what led to the conflict and breakup. You mentioned that you're no longer sure you can trust girls and that you feel a great deal of frustration and disappointment about this relationship.

Perhaps you felt that you had been cheated, or that the girl had broken her promise to be together when she broke up with you.

At the same time, you may have lost a little trust in yourself and your abilities. It's possible that your current feelings of distrust and doubt about yourself and others stem from a belief that past experiences will repeat themselves in the future. This can make it challenging to fully embrace the present and anticipate a positive future.

It is possible that your thoughts may prevent you from entering into another intimate relationship.

It is natural to experience discomfort after a breakup. It may be helpful to take some time to care for your emotional well-being. Consider acknowledging the pain this relationship has caused you and reflecting on the details of the relationship. Reviewing past memories can also be beneficial. Think about the positive experiences you had together.

If you had the chance to say goodbye, what would you say to her?

As you work through your emotions, you may find yourself crying. It is important to remember that these feelings are a natural part of the healing process. They are a reminder of the connection you had with this person and the impact they had on your life. When you reach a point where you can listen to certain songs and feel a sense of calm, it is a sign that you are moving towards a place of emotional acceptance.

Until then, it might be helpful to simply stay with these emotions, stay with your own emotions, and keep each other company.

When you are feeling less sad, you might like to consider:

How might I improve my approach to relationships in the future?

How might one go about finding a better match for their partner?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what kind of girl you would like to spend the rest of your life with.

How might one ascertain whether a particular girl is a suitable match?

How might I gain insight into a girl's character?

How might one approach the challenge of disappointment and the end of an intimate relationship?

Life has many challenges. When we experience pain, it can be an opportunity for reflection and growth. This pain can also give us the strength to move forward, to learn how to love ourselves and others in order to avoid future pain.

You are most welcome to return and discuss with me any questions or issues you may have. I will be waiting for you here. Please do come back when you are ready.

Dear Host, I can appreciate the emotional state you are describing, and I can also discern from it your persistence in your previous relationship. I hope that the following sharing can provide some inspiration.

In the aforementioned article, you stated that you have been dwelling in the anguishing recollections of the dissolution of your relationship for the past two years. Despite this prolonged period of reflection, you have been unable to alter your emotional attachment to your former partner.

This also calls to mind a saying: the unbearable sensation is that he has become a habit in your life. When the sensation has passed the stage of ardent passion, it has not dissipated, but rather, there is a temperature concealed beneath the surface of the tranquil.

The fact that two years have not resulted in a complete forgetting of each other demonstrates that the couple has refined their mutual affection, overcome some of their shortcomings, and genuinely invested their emotions.

Therefore, following the dissolution of the relationship, the other party will continue to occupy a central position in one's affections. When one has free time, memories of the relationship can evoke a strong emotional response, affecting one's emotional state. Consequently, the relationship remains a salient aspect of one's emotional life, contributing to one's current sadness.

The aforementioned details, when reflected upon, will inevitably evoke a profound emotional response, becoming a source of persistent obsession.

It would be beneficial for you to take the time to process your emotions and emerge from this internal state of distress.

There is a popular adage that posits, "If you shed tears when you miss the sun, you will also miss the stars."

In consideration of your present emotional state, it is evident that you have experienced a loss, but it is imperative that you do not allow yourself to miss the opportunity for growth and positive experiences that the future may hold.

In the event that the object of one's affection does not reciprocate the feelings expressed, it is imperative to cultivate self-love and self-respect.

Although the subject claims that he is unable to move on from the emotional experience of the past two years, he is, in fact, aware of his own emotional state and the fact that it is not the event itself that is painful, but rather the feelings of self-doubt and loss that it has caused. Despite having considered ending the relationship, the subject is reluctant to do so due to the numerous rules that govern behaviour in the adult world. One such rule is that the subject perceives himself to be somewhat inferior.

It is imperative to recognize that in an era when the institution of marriage is no longer viewed with the same reverence it once was, both men and women must possess the fortitude to confront risks directly. While "loving each other for one second" may be an exaggeration, it is evident that genuine security can only be attained through individual effort.

Therefore, it is imperative that we cultivate the courage to confront risks with an open mind. "The worst that can happen is that we part ways, but I am unafraid to navigate the process of growing up independently."

Therefore, it is essential to open one's heart, foster bold and confident behavior, gradually overcome feelings of inferiority, and, if the objective is to swiftly exit a relationship, facilitate the entrance of a new relationship into one's heart.

It is my sincere hope that you will be able to open your heart, that you will be able to extricate yourself from this relationship with minimal distress, and that you will be able to find a partner with whom you can build a happy life together.