A 33-year-old woman recently discovered her husband is cheating on her. Is there any meaning left in living together?

Hello, questioner!

It sounds like your husband has been up to no good!

Guess what! He used your credit card to pay for his construction projects!

And after the construction was paid for, he still went and racked up your credit card!

And there were other external debts that you were kept in the dark about!

So you're feeling fired up and ready to take the plunge!

I'm excited to learn more about the foundation of your relationship with your husband!

Oh my goodness, how long has this been going on?

Have there been similar deceptions in the past? I'm sure there have been!

The first book I'd highly recommend is:

Oh, I'd love to know why your husband chose to deceive you into swiping his card!

If he tells you frankly about the difficulties he is facing in his business and

And the external debt he has incurred—will you help him?

Let's solve the immediate problem!

What are the advantages to you if you choose to divorce?

For example, you might even be able to recover some of the debts you paid off for him!

And there's more! If you find out what inspired him to take on external debt, you'll be able to help him tackle it head on.

Is it because of the project losses that you will still get a divorce?

Let's uncover the motive and reason for your husband cheating on you!

Let's dive into the motives and reasons behind your husband's infidelity!

Now, let's dive into the objectively unavoidable causes!

Now, let's dive into the subjective and intentional ones!

If you want a divorce, you absolutely need to consult a lawyer!

How can you maximize your interests? Let's find out!

Absolutely! It's so important to maximize the interests of the children.

Hello friend, I'm here to help.

Your question shows you are distressed and confused about your husband's loan and the family's finances.

In marriage, couples discuss and decide together on major family decisions. Financial decisions are important.

If you don't talk to your partner, it can cause conflict.

It's normal for the questioner to feel lost when she discovers her husband's debt.

The questioner asks if there is any reason to keep living. I wonder what the questioner is thinking.

Confusion is usually caused by conflicting needs.

What are your concerns about living on?

Are there relationship issues or economic pressures?

The pandemic and economic downturn have hit the construction industry hard. Many companies have encountered problems with unpaid construction fees.

Many families like the one in the question are in counseling because of financial problems.

In a marriage, debts are often shared. But one person cannot take out a large loan without the other person's consent.

This can also affect trust in the relationship.

Many men believe they have to solve problems alone. They don't want to talk to their families when they have problems.

You'll only realize it when you can't take it anymore.

Your husband said he did it for the family.

That's not a reason to forgive him.

The questioner needs to figure out what they want, how important this relationship is to you, and how to deal with it.

I want to tell you how to choose, but making a choice is hard. It's your life, so you need to decide. Connect with your needs, talk to your loved one, and you'll find the answer.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

Hello, Your post made me feel like I was seeing you in person.

I have carefully read your post and I understand your distress and dilemma. In an intimate relationship, trust is a very precious thing. Once it is broken, it will always leave a scar. I am going to give you some ideas for thinking about this matter from a third person's perspective.

Let's analyze your situation.

"Your husband took out loans from external parties, gave you a credit card, and then you were made responsible for repaying the debt. After the external debt was paid off, he didn't tell you and let you continue to repay it. Similar things happened later, with more external debts that were borrowed without telling you. He always said it was for your and the children's benefit to live a little better."

1. It's clear that your husband has been hiding the fact that he has taken out external debts. I need to know how the income and expenditure of your household usually is composed and allocated. And I need to know if your husband is capable of repaying the external debts he has taken out himself.

I want to know how these external debts are spent.

If a man is responsible for the family, or says he is, he will balance the books and not borrow money to spend recklessly and then let his wife pay the debt. If he does balance the books and bears most of the family expenses, there may be a reason why he is doing this.

You need to talk to him about why he is reluctant to tell you, and whether he is in any kind of trouble. Show him that you are willing to share the responsibility of the family with him, and ask him to express his considerations to you honestly.

If your husband has been unable to balance his income and expenses and keeps borrowing money that he can't repay, you need to find out where he spends his money.

He needs to be able to look ahead and plan for the future, including the costs of raising children. It's crucial to have a stable financial foundation when you're living together. If you're constantly struggling to make ends meet, even the best relationship will eventually suffer.

2. You need to think about whether you want to continue living together. It's a difficult question, but you have to answer it.

You can always figure out the first question before making a decision. There are many other links that have brought you and your husband to this point, and these are all factors that will help you figure out how your relationship with him should continue.

In short, effective communication is crucial in intimate relationships. Openness and mutual commitment are essential for closeness. Take the initiative to have a good talk with him.

Dear question asker,

I came across your question on the platform and I empathize with your situation. It's understandable that you're upset and disappointed, especially given your husband's repeated infidelity. You've reached out to us in search of guidance on whether it's still worthwhile to continue living together in this context.

It would be beneficial to analyze the situation further.

1. Being cheated on is a very upsetting thing, especially when the person is your husband. Because of the project your husband was contracted to do, you have been paying off the credit card every month, but he didn't tell you when the project was settled. You also found out that he had borrowed a lot of money, but he still lied to you, saying that he was doing it for you and the children to live a good life. If he really did this on purpose, repeatedly deceiving you and making you constantly bear enormous pressure, and he did it in the name of doing what's best for you and the children, then this behavior is really unacceptable and unforgivable.

2. As for whether or not to continue living together, it also depends on the specific situation. It would be beneficial to communicate well with each other to see if your husband has any difficulties. Perhaps he was not forthcoming about the fact that he had borrowed money even after the construction fees were settled. This could potentially be making your life with the children more challenging. It might be helpful to inquire about the reason for doing this.

3. If your husband is just trying to earn more money to give you and the children a better life, it would be beneficial to work together to overcome the temporary difficulties. However, it might be helpful to divide up the responsibilities for the family finances, as it can be challenging to shoulder them all by yourself. It's worth considering letting your husband shoulder what is his responsibility. This could help alleviate some of the financial pressure and make the work more manageable.

4. If he has an affair and the financial pressure of the family is all dumped on you, it might be worth considering whether it is necessary to continue living together. I'm sure you already have some thoughts on this.

It might be helpful to talk it over, especially since there are children involved. It's important to think carefully about divorce before making a decision.

I hope my answer is helpful. With love,

Hello question asker!

It's painful to be cheated by someone you trust. It makes us doubt that person's character. Honesty is the most important part of an intimate relationship. Living with someone who's dishonest makes you feel insecure. You might even ask, "Do I still want to live with such a person?"

We can tell if someone's words match their actions. If the wife's salary is used to pay off debts and the income can't cover expenses, it'll be hard to maintain the current lifestyle.

Words and actions don't match.

He says this to make himself look good. He thinks it's good for the other person, even though it's not. This way, he avoids his responsibilities in the family.

The family's income and expenses should be planned. Income is made up of basic living expenses, children's education expenses, parents' support expenses, and a portion for emergencies. The rest can be used for investment and financial management.

Investment and financial management involve risks. The risks we face are those our financial capabilities can handle.

Our main problem is to find out how much external debt the other party has and what it is used for. Were you aware of these debts?

Knowing who is in debt helps protect you and your children.

Stop wasting time paying off other people's debts. Let them figure it out on their own.

Make a list of household expenses and decide who is responsible for what. Financial disputes are a sign of power struggles. Try to be reasonable and fair.

Plan finances together and see if the other person can comply.

Judge by the other person's behavior when deciding to stay or go.

These suggestions are just a reference.

I hope they help. Best regards!

You're in your thirties now, and your husband is cheating on you at such a critical juncture, leaving you with no sense of support. You've already helped him take on a project, and it was you who used your credit card, which also needs to be paid back.

So, you also need to use your own salary to pay off the credit card every month. I know it can be really tough. It's not anyone's dream to become a slave to the car, house, or credit card at a young age. After a while, the wages of the other person have been settled, but they didn't tell you.

I'm just wondering if you should have been told this so quickly? It's possible that he thinks you should help him with this and that without expecting anything in return, and that you should just take care of him.

It's totally understandable that you're still feeling depressed and want to repay the loan. But, honey, life will definitely be very hard.

Then I found out that he was borrowing money again. Why is he borrowing money? Is it because of a new project? It's so important for couples to think about why this situation has arisen. Perhaps there are still some minor problems, and whether the relationship has collapsed as a result.

It's totally normal for husbands to sometimes keep things from their wives. There are so many reasons why this might happen! It's important to figure out whether your husband truly wants a good life for you both, or if there's another reason.

What is the secret behind the constant borrowing of money? These are the things you two need to face up to. It's so important to be honest and open with each other to understand each other better. And don't worry, your marriage can be saved! I recommend that you seek marriage counseling this year. The two of you can truly speak your mind, and you can also seek help from your parents.

ZQ?