A freshman male, very self-conscious, needs others' affirmation to feel valuable?

If you don't have self-confidence, you'll feel unworthy of opportunities, even when they're presented to you. This will make your world view smaller. You're still young. Freshman year is usually around age 18.

You have an inferiority complex. People are envious of each other, and everyone may be better than you.

You don't have a stable value judgment standard within yourself. You put this standard on other people or on love. You think that if you have love, you can reach the pinnacle of life.

But that doesn't seem to be the case. Love is only a part of us, and even if you have love, you can still be very self-deprecating. If you feel like you lack love, you might want to analyze your family situation.

Your family may have neglected you. Take the inner animal archetype test to understand yourself better. Accept yourself and improve, and you'll become more confident.

ZQ?

Dear questioner, My name is Peilv.

If I may, I would like to offer you a hug.

It seems that there may be a few underlying issues at play here. It's possible that you're struggling with low self-esteem, a desire for recognition, and a longing for love.

You were taken aback to discover that the girl you had a crush on was in a relationship.

I would like to offer some thoughts on how to interpret the data.

The questioner said, "I developed a crush on a very talented girl soon after I started university. My inferiority complex made me back down and I didn't have the courage to fight for her. I just quietly hid this feeling in my heart. But today I learned that the girl has a boyfriend, and this boyfriend happens to be my roommate, and he is also a very talented boy."

Reading this, I feel a sense of regret and empathy for your situation. I imagine your heart is filled with a complex array of emotions, and it would not be an exaggeration to describe it as "having your feelings all mixed up." The girl you like, your excellent roommate, and the feelings you can't place because of your inferiority complex – these external and internal pressures have led to feelings of insecurity and pessimism. I extend a comforting hug to you, who have been deeply hurt.

You often feel like you're not measuring up and that your self-worth is dependent on the approval of others. You're hoping that you can regain your sense of normalcy, become more confident, and be more outgoing. You're longing for love and to be deeply loved, but you're uncertain about what that truly means. I can sense your curiosity and eagerness for love, as well as your distress at your inferiority complex.

Let's take a closer look at the reasons.

Low self-esteem can often result from an overly low evaluation of one's own status and self-worth. It's possible that you may feel that girls are too good to fight for and roommates are too good to compete with, which could be signs of your low self-evaluation. While comparing yourself to others, you may find your own shortcomings and deficiencies. This overly low self-evaluation may make it difficult for you to discover your own strengths and advantages, so you may hope to gain self-confidence through the recognition and appreciation of others.

Similarly, a sense of inferiority may lead to feelings of vulnerability and inadequacy, and a desire for attention and love to feel secure and valued.

Love is a beautiful thing, whether in stories or in reality. Perfect love is always enviable, and it's normal to long for love at your age. However, the fact that the girl you have a crush on is dating your roommate is a challenging situation.

On the one hand, she feels remorse for not having the courage to fight for herself; on the other hand, she feels sorry that her roommate has taken the lead. This emotional event has made you, who is already not confident, feel even more inferior and worthless. The lack of affection makes you even more eager to be nourished by love and hope to be saved by love.

If I might offer some personal advice,

"Nobody is perfect, and nobody should expect to be."

It is important to recognize that everyone has imperfections. It is helpful to objectively and rationally analyze your own shortcomings, while also paying attention to and developing your own strengths. Giving yourself positive suggestions and self-encouragement can also be beneficial in boosting your self-confidence.

Perhaps a good approach would be to make progress gradually.

It might be helpful to start with things you're interested in and that are relatively easy to accomplish. You could then gradually increase the difficulty level, advancing bit by bit until you feel a sense of self-confidence that comes from within, rather than relying on external recognition.

It may be helpful to consider the idea of loving yourself before you love others.

A person who knows how to love themselves will likely also know how to love others. They will probably be able to accept themselves unconditionally, learn to love themselves, and have the ability to love in a way that allows them to give the other person heartfelt warmth and care, respect and love, understanding and trust.

Perhaps the best way to understand love is to experience it for yourself.

If you're curious about what love is, you'll find plenty of examples throughout history and across cultures in the many masterpieces that have been written about it.

For instance,

I would like to respectfully propose that we consider the poem "To the Oak Tree" by Shu Ting.

I wonder if I might draw your attention to Alexander Pushkin's "I Loved You"?

If I may, I would like to share a poem by Paul Verlaine called "Daisy."

I have grown thin, but I have no regrets, as I have devoted myself to you. — "Butterfly Lovers"

If I might make a suggestion, perhaps you could hold your hand and grow old with each other.

It might be said that hearts understand each other at a single point without the wings of a colorful phoenix. This is an idea that Li Shangyin explores in her poem, "Untitled."

If the love is long-lasting, it is perhaps less important whether you are together or apart. — "Magpie Bridge Immortal"

It is possible to recall this feeling, although at the time it was already lost. —Li Shangyin, "Brocade"

In heaven, I aspire to be a pair of birds flying together, and on earth, I hope to be a branch of the same tree. —Bai Juyi, "The Song of Everlasting Sorrow"

If I might make a suggestion, I believe that the love that belongs to you needs to be experienced and felt by yourself.

I believe that the love that belongs to you needs to be experienced and felt by yourself.

If she hasn't arrived yet, there's no need to worry. Just work hard to become a better person.

When the time comes, it would be beneficial to your relationship if you were to try to become a better lover for your partner.

If I might make a suggestion, I think you should consider...

I would like to express my love for the world and for you.

Greetings,

You are 18 years of age. You are of an age where you are capable of making your own decisions.

It is therefore necessary to listen to the voice inside.

It appears to be about unrequited love precipitating a complex of inferiority. Your narrative evokes Goethe's "The Sorrows of Young Werther," a work that significantly elevated Goethe's literary status and is now pervasive in households.

In psychology, this phenomenon is referred to as "sublimation."

Despite his disability, Mr. Shi Tiesheng was held in high regard by many Chinese people, who admired his talent and the spiritual wealth he bestowed upon them.

Despite his own illness, Adler was able to develop the world-famous theory of "inferiority and transcendence."

It seems reasonable to posit that in their lives, they encountered both suffering and the unconditional support of their families.

Examine your reflection and express a resigned sigh. One might inquire as to the precise location where unwavering familial support can be found.

The question is thus posed:

"You consider love to be of great importance, and thus you are unaware of the typical progression of romantic relationships." Your sensitivity and delicacy serve as a beneficial foundation for you to continue to expand your heart in the future.

"A graceful lady is sought after by gentlemen," and it would appear that you have good taste. She feels that she will only try to become involved with the right person.

One must not attempt to control the thoughts of others.

It is recommended that you open yourself up to discover love and beauty that are more suitable for you.

The underlying assumption is that one is not attempting to win the affection of another by becoming superior to those in one's immediate vicinity. Instead, the objective is to nourish oneself and to experience the full spectrum of human emotion, including joy and sorrow, for one's own benefit. When this occurs, one will flourish and become a source of inspiration to others.

All of your changes are for your own benefit, not to please others or seek recognition. You should proceed with the objective of discovering your true self. This process may require dedicating time and energy to a pursuit that is meaningful to you. It may also entail developing the capacity for serious and persistent commitment. Additionally, it may necessitate identifying a partner who can contribute to your emotional and mental well-being.

Good day, host. I hope my response proves useful to you.

I appreciate your perspective. You have a strong desire for love and the validation of others, yet the reality you've experienced has not aligned with this desire, leading to feelings of inadequacy and a lack of self-worth.

It is commonly believed that self-love and self-affirmation are contingent upon external validation. However, research suggests that the opposite is true. Individuals who are able to love and affirm themselves are better able to receive love and affirmation from others.

Indeed, there are individuals who possess an exceptional capacity for self-love. These individuals possess a high sense of self-worth and perceive the act of loving and being loved as something that can be readily and effortlessly given or received.

They will not be preoccupied with the possibility of being abandoned by their partner and will feel a sense of security in the relationship.

When a more advantageous career opportunity arises, one will pursue it and accept it with an open mind, without fear or anxiety.

When they encounter a potential partner they find appealing, they will invest significant effort to foster a positive connection. Once the relationship is established, they will not experience feelings of inadequacy. Instead, they will have a strong conviction that they are an excellent match for their partner.

They will demonstrate a high level of commitment to the relationship, without reservation, and they will not engage in constant scrutiny of their partner's sincerity.

Furthermore, in the event of a romantic relationship's dissolution, they will not compromise their principles or engage in self-destructive behavior as a means of retaliation.

These individuals possess a profound understanding that personal happiness is of paramount importance.

Indeed, individuals born into these circumstances are predisposed to self-love. From the outset, they receive abundant care and attention from their caregivers, instilling in them a sense of self-worth, entitlement, and the importance of their feelings.

The ability to love oneself can be developed and cultivated.

Some individuals do not develop self-love naturally; rather, it is a skill that is acquired over time.

After experiencing significant challenges, these individuals have shifted their perspective, no longer using these questions as a basis for criticism but rather as a catalyst for personal growth.

During their formative years, their primary caregivers (parents) also experienced their own fears and exhaustion, and were unable to provide sufficient love and support. As a result, they were subjected to a significant amount of harsh criticism, neglect, restrictions, comparisons, ridicule, and judgment.

Over time, individuals may develop negative beliefs such as "I'm not good enough," "I'm not worthy of love," "What I think and feel doesn't matter, what other people think is more important," and "I'm always a burden and cause trouble for others."

They adopt a persona that is overly accommodating, suppressing their own needs and desires in an effort to please others and maintain a positive image.

They believe that this is the only way they will be accepted by others, but they are also fearful because the self they present to the world is not their true self. Regardless of how well they perform, they are constantly reminded that they are not good enough.

However, when they are in a relationship, they frequently experience feelings of insecurity and uncertainty, questioning whether their partner truly loves them.

As they progress in their personal development, they will begin to re-examine their lives and their current ways of thinking. They will then be able to break away from these old patterns and upgrade their thinking.

They were born without an understanding of self-love. However, through their experiences of not loving themselves, they will learn to love themselves again and recognize the value of unconditional self-love.

It is also important to note that these individuals will put a stop to the cycle of their family's past.

Rather than perpetuating the same patterns in their children, they will provide unconditional love and support, instilling in their children a sense of love and strength.

It is important to love yourself and practice unconditional acceptance of yourself.

Many individuals reserve their self-love for specific conditions.

I am proud of my appearance and maintain a healthy lifestyle.

I am proud of my capabilities, financial status, and decision-making abilities. I am confident in my career trajectory and the choices I have made to get to where I am today.

Conversely, when one experiences the effects of aging, such as the development of wrinkles or other changes to the appearance of the face, or when one gains weight around the abdomen, it is not uncommon for individuals to experience feelings of self-loathing.

In the event of bankruptcy, debt, or the wrong decisions (such as being laid off, demoted, or retiring), individuals may experience self-doubt and self-denial.

A recent survey revealed that a significant number of elderly individuals in our country are diagnosed with a major illness (or a serious chronic illness, such as diabetes, cirrhosis of the liver, cancer, etc.) within the first year after retirement.

Our culture encourages us to "contribute to society" and "become a useful person to society." These values also reinforce our conditional self-love.

Upon retirement, especially for those who were formerly prominent leaders, a sudden decline in self-worth is often observed.

Their original sense of self-worth is based on a false sense of value in a certain position or identity.

When they have that identity, they are quite satisfied with themselves and seem to love themselves very much. However, when that identity is removed, their entire life loses all sense of meaning.

In reality, they do not love themselves; they love the identity they have.

In the absence of this identity, it is difficult to ascertain one's own value and, subsequently, one's continued worthiness of love.

It is imperative that we learn to love ourselves. This entails having complete and utter love for ourselves, which is to say, the ability to love ourselves unconditionally.

There should be no deals, no conditions, and no judgments. This is the same warm love that the earth gives to all its children, the same love as the sun, regardless of who you are, where you are, or what you have done.

When you can provide yourself with this unconditional support, you will find that the issues in your life will be resolved.

Your illness will be completely cured, your financial problems will be resolved, you will experience abundance and wealth, you will begin to have intimate and trusting relationships, and many other beneficial outcomes will occur in your life in quick succession. As illustrated by the exemplary life of Louis Hay, the author of "The Reconstruction of Life," these positive results are attainable.

Please continue to practice unconditional self-acceptance. As you accept yourself more fully, you will experience greater inner harmony. This is the foundation of self-love. When you accept yourself and love yourself fully, you will radiate that love to others.

The following outlines the steps to unconditionally accepting yourself.

The difficulty in accepting oneself is often related to past experiences of rejection and criticism. These experiences, when internalized, can create a pattern of self-rejection and self-criticism. When faced with perceived shortcomings, this pattern may manifest as a voice in the heart that rejects and criticizes oneself.

It is important to note that self-acceptance is not an innate trait but rather a skill that can be developed through consistent practice. From my own experience, I have found that as we become more accepting of ourselves, we tend to become more confident, motivated to change, and our overall state of well-being continues to improve.

It is therefore important to view self-acceptance as a skill that can be developed through daily practice.

The following five strategies have been identified by clinical psychologists as effective methods for fostering self-acceptance:

1. Establish the objective of self-acceptance.

"Self-acceptance begins with intention," states psychologist Jeffrey Zimbardo. "It is crucial to establish a goal for ourselves to transform a world of blame, doubt, and shame into one of inclusion, acceptance, and trust." This concept recognizes that self-loathing is not a pathway to a fulfilling life.

Sambur stated, "If I set the objective that a self-accepting life is preferable to a self-hating life, I will initiate a chain reaction within myself to adapt to a more peaceful existence."

2. Document your strengths.

It is recommended that you record one of your strengths on a daily basis, affirm your value, and focus on your strengths. This approach will help you to identify your strengths more effectively. Furthermore, focusing on your strengths will provide you with greater confidence than attempting to correct your weaknesses.

In today's society, weaknesses can be compensated for through cooperation, while strengths reflect unique value.

3. Seek support from relationships.

It is beneficial to spend time with people who make you feel comfortable, who give you unconditional acceptance, support, and love, and who can provide a supportive relationship that will make you feel more stable, peaceful, and joyful.

4. Engage in self-reflection with the objective of identifying the best version of yourself.

Imagine interacting with your optimal self. Visualize that self stepping out of your body and observing your current situation or circumstance. What recommendations would it offer?

This visual separation will allow you to detach from the current self or suffering self and facilitate healing by leveraging your inner wisdom and best self.

This exercise teaches us how to be the best parents we can be and show compassion and love for ourselves. It is recommended that you take a few minutes to meditate and complete this exercise when you are in crisis or require guidance or self-comfort.

5. Model the desired behavior until it becomes a habit.

If you lack self-worth, it is imperative to instill a sense of value in yourself. Once you have done so, you must hold onto that belief. Only when we can unconditionally approve of ourselves can we finally forgive our mistakes and give up the need for approval from others.

It is indisputable that we have made mistakes, as have others. However, our identity is not contingent on our mistakes.

When we lack something within, we tend to seek it externally. If we are unable to accept ourselves, we often seek external validation from others. However, external sources of acceptance are inherently unstable. Therefore, to gain stable acceptance, we must turn inward. When we achieve self-acceptance, we become less concerned with external approval and evaluation, and we gain true inner freedom.

I wish you the best of luck and extend my best wishes to you.

Hello, question asker!

After reading your question, I really understand your confusion. Let me give you a warm hug first, my friend!

Male, freshman. Always feels a bit inferior and needs the love and approval of others to feel valuable. Longs for love and values it highly, so he doesn't know how normal love develops and always expects the other person to love him deeply.

A few days ago, I just started college. I have a bit of a crush on a girl.

But because I think she is so outstanding, I feel a bit inferior in her presence and have lost the opportunity to express myself. Today I learned that she has a boyfriend these past few days, and he is my roommate, a very outstanding guy.

I'm having a rough day. I feel like I'm lacking love and craving it desperately. I feel like something's not quite right with me, and I wish I could get back to feeling normal, be more confident and sunny, and understand love and love normally.

Let's take a look at the problems you're facing:

1. You always feel like you're not good enough, and you need other people to tell you how valuable you are.

2. You're lacking a bit of security, you're longing to be loved, and you're placing a lot of importance on love. You could do with working on your approach to loving others.

3. You have a crush on someone of the opposite sex, but you're not sure how to go about approaching them or how to interact with them.

4. It can be really tough when the person you like likes your roommate. It's totally normal to feel uncomfortable and resentful in this situation. How can you learn to love normally?

Let's take a closer look at the problem together.

1. When the questioner was young, his parents were focused on their own material needs and perhaps didn't realize that the questioner, as an independent individual, also needed emotional care. This is the influence that the questioner's family education and original environment have brought to himself. Parents have their own concepts of the times, so they cannot be blamed. The past cannot be changed, so it's important to accept it.

2. You might feel insecure, have low self-esteem, and sometimes feel like you're not worthy of love. You may also have strong emotions that come on suddenly. Your family environment probably influenced you to have an early crush, which your parents probably rejected. They probably didn't know how to guide you through it.

This can also make it tricky for the questioner to know how to interact normally when they come into contact with the opposite sex later on.

3. It's possible that the questioner has a strong desire for control, which is manifested in a desperate need for love and, in a sense, a hope that others will love them deeply and unconditionally. When they don't get it, they may think too much about it and go to extremes, believing that they are not worthy of love. But this also denies their own value and exacerbates their strong self-esteem, which is totally understandable!

4. The questioner is a very sensitive soul who thinks a lot and has a lot of mental energy.

I'm so happy to tell you the solution!

(1) Give yourself a big hug! Accept everything about yourself, including your family environment and parental education.

(2) It's important to know where you fit in the world. Know your strengths and weaknesses, and try to make the most of your strengths. You're warm, motivated, and self-disciplined, for example.

(3) Let's try to stop the daily internal conflict with yourself, think less and act more.

(4) It's important to remember that girls are also human beings with normal emotional needs and all seven emotions and six desires. We should never be inferior to each other or treat each other as less than equals. Treating someone as a goddess is denying her humanity.

(5) If it's meant to be yours, it'll find its way back to you, even if you lose it. If it's not meant to be, you'll lose it even if you have it now.

(6) It's okay to accept the current situation of living with roommates. There's no need to worry about it. The most important thing is to focus on becoming the best version of yourself as soon as possible and to meet someone amazing.

(7) Find a way to let go of your stress. You could try running, long-distance cycling, hiking, or chatting with friends.

(8) If you're not ready to leave any regrets behind, find a good moment to express your feelings honestly and alone, just like in the movie "Love Actually." Don't force it, just go with your heart.

I really hope my answer helps you out! I love you all so much, and so does the world! ??

Hello, classmate. From your description, I can appreciate the feeling you had. Low self-esteem is also one of the most common phenomena among contemporary young people. Due to their low self-esteem, they have lost many opportunities in front of them for which they might have been better suited, and they have also regretted it. But they don't know how to get out of it. I hope that what I share here can offer you some inspiration!

I would like to suggest that for people with low self-esteem, doing better is something that comes naturally.

I would like to share with you a quote from Yu Hongmin, the founder of New Oriental Education & Technology Group, which I feel is worth considering: "We say that someone who thinks too highly of themselves is arrogant, but someone with low self-esteem is definitely worse than someone who is arrogant."

An arrogant person may be able to seize opportunities in life that are not meant for them, but a person with low self-esteem may miss opportunities that are meant for them.

Perhaps we could ask ourselves why we feel inferior.

Those with low self-esteem may find themselves hesitant to take action due to concerns about potential failure or criticism from others.

As a result, you may find yourself continuing to undervalue your own abilities, losing confidence, and limiting your own potential.

How might we begin to break the mentality of inferiority? It seems that a strong sense of self-confidence might be a helpful place to start.

Many of us have experienced this feeling before. When we have achieved something that no one else has done, or something that goes beyond our own limits, it can give us a great sense of self-confidence.

How might we go about increasing our self-confidence?

If I might suggest, you could consider doing more good deeds every day so that everyone remembers you. We all know that our self-confidence is filled with positive energy when we complete a good deed. When our self-confidence reaches a certain level, we may find that we no longer feel inferior.

In some cases, feeling inferior can actually be an advantage. It can motivate us to work harder and strive to surpass our own expectations. It can serve as a kind of magnifying glass, highlighting areas for improvement and encouraging us to put in the effort to enhance them.

I hope these thoughts might be of some help to you.