A high school student has had sex. Should he tell his parents or not? What should he do?

You had sex with your boyfriend, which you see as a big mistake and a betrayal of your parents. You want to confess, but you're afraid they won't accept you and will abandon you.

First, you need to understand yourself. Think about what made you and your boyfriend enter into this relationship.

You need to ask yourself: are you being forced to be a passive victim, or do you secretly love your boyfriend and want to be with him? You also need to find out if the event that made you feel uneasy is still ongoing.

You need to ask yourself: are you still safe? Does your relationship still make you feel safe?

If you feel unsafe or are constantly worried about these things happening, you need to ask your parents for help and demand their understanding and protection.

If you feel safe, the relationship is consensual, you are confident that the things that upset you will not happen again, and you don't want to get yourself or your boyfriend in trouble, you can decide for yourself as a person over the age of 14 who has control over their own sexuality who to tell. You are in control of your own destiny.

You will undoubtedly be affected by the constant reminders of the scene at that time and your studies and life. It is imperative that you ask your parents for help and support and discuss the psychological distress you feel with a professional counselor.

Everyone has the power to be a beacon, whether you're asking questions or answering them. Through words, we can shine a light in the hearts of many people, and this is our shared energy.

Hello, dear child. I'm here to help. I can see how scared you are, how worried you are, and how afraid you are of being criticized and blamed by your parents for the mistakes you've made. That deep sense of guilt is really holding you back from being at peace in the present. This incident is making you anxious and self-blaming.

Let's take a look at the problem together, my friend.

? 1. First of all, don't be too hard on yourself. It's not entirely your fault.

Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden also ate the forbidden fruit, and we all know that you are young, lacking in social experience, and life experience. It's only natural that you're feeling a little overwhelmed right now. We've all been there!

And, on top of all that, the other person is your boyfriend, who is three years older than you. It's only natural that you've had sex during your relationship.

I totally get it. I know why you're thinking about what happened again and again and feeling panicked. It's because in your values, having sex as a student is "shameful" and "not allowed or accepted." You've even denied yourself a million times in your heart that "I am a dirty girl."

It's so hard when you have these misconceptions and traditional views about sex. It can really drain your energy every day. How can you focus on your studies when you're feeling like this?

I just wanted to clarify that I said in the title that it wasn't entirely your fault, and that you also bear some responsibility. As you said, thankfully nothing happened. What I meant was that there was no pregnancy or abortion.

Absolutely! It's so important for girls to learn how to love themselves and protect themselves. There's absolutely nothing wrong with committing yourself to the one you love. The key is to choose the right time to do so when you're ready to take on all the consequences and then you can truly enjoy it.

2. You're an adult now, and you can take responsibility for your own actions.

It's so important to have the right attitude towards sex. It's also really helpful to get rid of any wrong ideas you might have. That way, you can avoid getting into trouble and also protect yourself better. If the other person really loves you, he'll want to protect you and respect your wishes.

If your parents are enlightened and know how to truly protect their children, they'll be there for you and take the initiative to shoulder their responsibilities. It's so important to get the right sex education at the right time, and it's a shame you didn't get this.

If your parents are more traditional and don't have a scientific or accurate understanding of education, it's probably best to keep your secret from them. That way, you can show respect for their views while also protecting yourself.

You once asked your mom a question, and she gave you a response that made you feel a little inferior and fearful. I'm sure she was just trying to give you the best advice she could based on her knowledge and experience. It wasn't just you she was talking to, it was her overall attitude towards this matter.

And your mom has also missed a chance to connect with you and build a stronger bond. Even though you're in high school, you still need guidance and support to develop your own judgment and critical thinking skills. Right now, what you need most is your mom's understanding and trust, and her love and protection.

Dear child, the past is already in the past. You've done so well to get through this incident. Now it's time to look to the future and gain maturity and growth. We all have secrets in our hearts, and you're no exception. Here, if you tell them, many "mothers" will understand and trust you.

You've already taken on so much, worrying, fearing, and regretting. You've paid your dues, and now it's time to go into the exam with a light heart and prepare seriously. Show your parents that you're grateful for their care with excellent results!

I really hope I can give you a new perspective, help you see the bigger picture, and give you more choices. And I just want to say that I love you, and so does the world! ?

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click the "Find a Coach" button in the top right or bottom of the page. I'd love to keep talking with you one-on-one!

Dear Question Asker,

I empathize with your situation. It is a frightening, guilty, self-blaming, and helpless experience to have a secret in your heart that cannot be accepted and understood by the person you trust, rely on, and are closest to. Attempting to elicit a response from your mother has only intensified these feelings, leaving you with the impression that the entirety of your identity has been rejected, abandoned, and rejected. You genuinely feel extremely helpless, and I wish to extend my deepest sympathies.

Please restate the difficulty you are experiencing.

1. It is important for individuals to feel accepted and reassured by their parents, yet it is understandable that this is not currently possible in your case. Additionally, it is reasonable to anticipate that disclosing personal matters to one's parents may lead to conflicts and intensify negative emotions.

2. The failure to disclose one's emotional state to one's parents, and the subsequent inability to cope with these emotions, can have a detrimental impact on academic performance. This, in turn, can give rise to further anxiety and an increase in anxiety levels.

An analysis of Question 1

In this situation, it is understandable that you feel helpless and threatened with rejection by your parents. This anxiety is likely to persist regardless of the circumstances. It may be helpful to consider ways of influencing your parents' attitudes towards this matter, but this is a challenging proposition. The reality is that your parents' reactions, including their emotional responses and behavioural manifestations, are not within your control. They are shaped by their unique emotional systems and the freedom they possess to choose their actions.

The mother's response to the test results does, to some extent, reflect her views and attitudes toward children engaging in sexual activity at this age. As an adult, one tends to have more fixed views and attitudes toward people and things. It is therefore understandable that the subject is reluctant to tell her mother, and fears that doing so may result in a worse situation for her. This speculation is, to some extent, accurate.

Nevertheless, there are numerous potential explanations for an individual's actions or statements. For instance, your test appeared to your mother to be mere idle chatter, as she was unaware of your actions and unable to comprehend the emotional impact of the experience on you.

However, your internal state is diametrically opposed, characterized by a state of acute distress and apprehension, driven by the fear that her stance is one of non-acceptance and rejection. Consequently, when she makes such a statement, it only serves to exacerbate your emotional turmoil.

It is possible that your mother used this conversation as an opportunity to convey her views on the subject, namely that engaging in sexual activity at this age is dangerous and may cause physical and mental damage. Consequently, she may have sought to dissuade you from acting recklessly without considering the consequences in the future. Alternatively, her purpose in saying this may have been to "scare" you, in order to educate and warn you. However, this does not imply that if you have already encountered such a situation and are experiencing psychological confusion, she will necessarily reject you, be unwilling to face the issue with you, or provide comfort and support.

Many mothers adopt an attitude of "if it doesn't happen to me, it's fine" and "if it happens to me, it's completely different" due to the distinct circumstances and positions they occupy in each case.

It is therefore possible that the mother's attitude towards the daughter's behaviour will change significantly once she is aware of it. It is also possible that the mother will offer comfort and support to the daughter, demonstrating her love and acceptance. However, there are other potential outcomes, such as the mother becoming angry and upset, leading her to argue with the father and further complicate the situation. The mother may also believe that this is the only way to support her daughter.

The questioner must therefore make a choice based on their relationship with their mother and their understanding of their mother. It seems likely that the questioner's relationship with her mother is still quite good, as if the relationship were very bad, it would also mean that her mother has never supported her, which would in turn mean that the questioner would not have the desire to tell their mother this matter.

If, however, your mother responds in the same manner as she currently is, and you subsequently inform her, not only will she not accept you, but she will also reject you and accuse you. This would be tantamount to adding insult to injury. It is therefore essential to prepare yourself psychologically by asking yourself whether you would treat your daughter in the same way if she were in a similar situation. It is likely that you would not, and this is the answer you should be seeking.

This process of self-questioning and self-answering is useful for helping the individual understand that their mother's approach does not necessarily indicate that she is correct and they are incorrect. A mother who loves and understands her child may well make a different choice. In this way, the individual will not blame themselves for their mother's reaction; their mother can have her choice, and they can have their own choice.

An analysis of Question 2

In the event that one lacks the courage to inform one's mother of the matter in question and is thus forced to process the emotions independently, it would be advisable to consult some articles and books on human sexuality. The most suitable initial source of information would be the Weibo or public account of Ms. Li Yinhe, a renowned Chinese sociologist and sexologist.

Many of Li Yinhe's research results on sex include a social and historical perspective. It will become evident that the mother's views represent just one perspective, and that there are numerous different perspectives and views on sex among humans.

These perspectives can assist in determining which sexual behaviors are considered "correct" and "not shameful," as well as which perspective and concept is preferred. This may help alleviate some of the psychological burden and reduce the painful feelings caused by self-blame and guilt.

For example, Li Yinhe is currently cohabiting with a transgender partner who is biologically female. Is this a socially or morally unacceptable arrangement? What are the grounds for human beings to argue about various concepts of sexuality?

The question thus arises as to who is to determine or judge "correctness." To illustrate, is it obligatory for one to concur with the judgments of one's mother simply because she is one's mother?

In this context, it is pertinent to recount the story of Alan Turing, the pioneering figure in the field of computers and artificial intelligence. The film "The Imitation Game" portrays the life of this brilliant individual, who utilized the first computer he invented during World War II to decipher German military codes, thereby averting the loss of millions of lives and hastening the conclusion of the war. Despite his unwavering dedication to the pursuit of truth, Turing was convicted of homosexuality following the war and subjected to chemical castration. This was a consequence of the prevailing attitudes of the time, which regarded homosexuality as a "sinful" practice.

Two years later, Turing took his own life at the age of 41.

Nevertheless, over six decades later, the British Queen granted Turing a special pardon. While this does not indicate that the law was erroneous at the time, it does signify a shift in human comprehension and attitudes toward homosexuality. Historically, homosexuality was classified as a mental illness, but currently, an increasing number of scientists and countries or regions have removed homosexuality from the list of mental illnesses. Some countries and regions have even legalized gay marriage.

This signifies a transformation in human comprehension of their own sexuality.

Indeed, it seems that humans still have a rather limited understanding of themselves. The boundaries between "right" and "wrong" are not so clear. Psychologists have been attempting to develop new ideas about the appropriate attitude to adopt towards life. Therefore, it would seem more beneficial to spend time and energy acquiring knowledge and allowing oneself the necessary time and space to gradually gain a deeper understanding of oneself and to reflect on how one's needs can be met in the most suitable way for one.

Life is analogous to a flower; it will bloom in accordance with the laws of life. Humans are inclined to evaluate the blooming of a flower in terms of whether it is occurring correctly or incorrectly. However, the flower itself has the right to bloom in a manner that is natural to it.

The world and I extend our love to you.

Dear question asker, It is a pleasure to engage with you in this virtual space.

After reading this description, I can perceive the distress and anguish you are experiencing in the face of this challenge, despite the distance between us. I recognize that it is not straightforward to release such an experience and seek assistance, but you have taken this step now, so allow me to extend my support from afar: you have demonstrated remarkable resilience.

Let us take a moment to calm down and consider the problem together.

You stated, "Following sexual intercourse with your partner, you experienced no physical or emotional response. However, you find yourself continually ruminating on the event, which in turn impairs your ability to focus on academic tasks." After resolving this issue, I would like to inquire further.

a. At what point did you become aware that the relationship was affecting your ability to concentrate on your studies?

b. What was the response of your partner?

c. What is the underlying cause of the relationship?

D. Is the action of "developing a relationship" something that both parties anticipate?

The aforementioned four dimensions of thinking are designed to illustrate that relationships are underpinned by unspoken expectations. With regard to the deeper expectations associated with the development of relationships, it is hoped that consideration of these four questions will facilitate the formulation of an answer.

In regard to the "guilt" associated with "initiating a relationship," it is important to recognize that while such feelings are undesired, they are nevertheless a reality. The guilt can be distressing and may lead to hesitancy in disclosing the situation to parents in detail. It is not uncommon for such feelings and concerns to emerge during this process. However, it is evident that you have taken steps towards disclosure, even if the outcome was not as anticipated. It is crucial to acknowledge that this is an optimal approach given the circumstances.

It is therefore evident that the manner in which this matter is faced and dealt with is a matter for your own and your boyfriend's discretion. The reaction of your mother is a matter for her own consideration. Given her reaction, it is evident that she needs to find a way to deal with her own emotions.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to inform one's parents of this matter is entirely at the discretion of the individual. It is this writer's opinion that, should one be concerned about the potential distress caused by one's parents upon learning of such matters, it is possible to seek the guidance of a professional psychologist. It is this writer's further opinion that, given one's exceptional awareness, it is possible to make the most responsible decision for oneself.

This concludes my remarks. It is my hope that the aforementioned information has provided some inspiration to alleviate this distress.

I extend to you once again a profound embrace from a distance.

It is imperative that you prioritize your well-being.

I can see that you are distressed and that this has affected your studies. Let us embrace each other and discuss how we might address this together.

1. Was the decision to engage in sexual intercourse made with a clear understanding of the circumstances and a willingness to participate, or was it influenced by external factors such as coercion or deception? Was the individual in a state of consciousness at the time?

At the time, you believed you were capable of handling the consequences, but now you find it challenging to accept this decision. Have you taken the necessary precautions to ensure your safety?

Should one be unable to cope with the situation independently and fearful of being reprimanded by one's parents, it is recommended to seek assistance from the school counselor or a psychological helpline, such as the youth crisis hotline 12355, if necessary.

It is natural for children to desire approval and love from their parents. Engaging in sexual activity at this age is contrary to parental expectations and can result in feelings of moral culpability. I empathize with your situation.

However, it is important to note that prolonged dwelling on the issue may lead to adverse effects on academic performance and the quality of the relationship with one's parents. In the event that there is a desire to inform one's parents about the matter but apprehension about the potential impact on the relationship, a viable approach could be to discreetly communicate with them in a low voice when they are not present, thereby alleviating the feelings of guilt.

3. The event has already occurred, and the next step is to adjust and confront it. Although this may be challenging, as previously suggested, seeking counseling or speaking with a helpline can assist in managing distress.

Subsequently, one must accept oneself. The event has already occurred, and there is no possibility of reversal. One has merely consumed the fruit of the forbidden tree. However, it is important to note that no physical damage has been done, and the possibility of accidental pregnancy has been averted. It is still possible to pursue one's studies and lead a fulfilling life.

It is also important to note that should physical discomfort or irregularities in the menstrual cycle occur, it is essential to communicate with one's parents. This is because there are certain issues that may not be immediately apparent or may require guidance on how to address them.

The aforementioned information is provided for your reference. Thank you for your attention. Finally, I extend my sincerest regards to you.