After about a month of hanging out with friends, one might feel bored. How can one alter their mindset?

Hello, question asker.

It's only natural to feel bored in a relationship. It's an emotion anyone can experience. When you act on this feeling and distance yourself from the other person, it's a double-edged sword. As you reject and push away the other person, you become more and more lonely. You also lose a relationship and a friend who were once close to you.

It's clear that you have difficulty expressing your negative feelings towards the people in your life. You don't even know how to let them know that you're afraid of hurting their feelings, which is a caring kind of emotion.

You may be unfamiliar with expressing your emotions, unsure of how to make the other person understand and accept them, and afraid. This may result in you rejecting, avoiding, or evading.

This is likely related to your upbringing. It's possible you were treated similarly in past intimate relationships, where you were emotionally rejected and hurt without words and inexplicably pushed away.

You asked what to do. There are two ways forward. One is to convince yourself that you can do what you want to do on the conscious level, or to suppress and isolate the boredom that you normally feel. This may be difficult or easier to do. The other is to seek counseling, in a trusting and safe relationship, to sort out and express repressed emotions and understand the real you.

This method will undoubtedly require courage and effort.

I wish you the best.

Individuals exhibit disparate attachment patterns. Some individuals are secure, some are anxious, and some avoid fear. It is possible for any individual to form friendships. There is no necessity to categorize individuals, but this mode of thinking can facilitate awareness of the disparate needs of each person in a relationship.

Some individuals may require the company of others at all times. They may desire constant proximity or engage in frequent verbal interaction. For instance, some individuals who exhibit excessive verbalization may engage in this behavior, which may evoke feelings of annoyance in others.

After approximately one month, the level of interest in one's friends begins to wane.

At the age of sixteen, two classmates were considered to be of a relatively high quality.

L purchases snacks for consumption. Another is W, who exhibits a high degree of clinginess toward the subject.

The category of "friends" encompasses a diverse range of interpersonal relationships, each with its own unique characteristics and dynamics.

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A plethora of issues can emerge, and one becomes cognizant of the multifarious nuances of one's interpersonal dynamics. In the case of classmate L, her stoic demeanor evokes a sense of irritation, prompting a reluctance to engage further with this individual.

Observe the evolution of personality traits within the context of your own relationships.

Additionally, each individual possesses a distinct personality and a unique approach to forming and maintaining friendships.

Could you please allow for a slightly longer interval before rendering a judgment?

If the other person's behavior has affected your life and caused you discomfort, would you feel more at ease if they treated you differently? It is not uncommon for relationships to be characterized by discomfort.

This is a topic that has been on your mind. You are experiencing a high level of annoyance and may be influenced by the opinions of others, which has led you to perceive W's statements as nonsense. Allowing yourself to distance yourself from this individual will result in the dissolution of the relationship, which is a highly uncomfortable outcome.

Perhaps you have some doubts deep down, wondering why your friendships are so fleeting. You get along well with a man, but he is not without flaws, and he is preoccupied with minutiae regarding your footwear, which is a source of irritation for you.

This will enable you to disengage from your circumstances by any means necessary. You desire solitude and a reduction in external stimuli, given the multitude of elements in your life and the volume of information that individuals can convey. Our cognitive abilities are limited in their capacity to process such inputs.

It is recommended that an individual engage in discourse with a psychometric coach regarding their emotional state and examine their personality and friendship style. While an individual may not require a multitude of friends, it is imperative that they cultivate friendships with boundaries. As a dedicated psychometric coach, it is advised that an individual take the Life Foundation Colour Psychological Test to gain insight into their personality, comprehend their behavior, and develop an understanding of others.

Please provide the initials of the question.

Hello, question asker!

From your description, it sounds like you are a very magnetic person! L buys you things, W sticks to you, and the boys feel that they have made you angry. It seems that they all have a tendency to rely on you. I guess you must have a clear advantage in one area, such as being good at studies, being pretty, or being good at sports, music, etc. You must have a specialty that attracts everyone's attention to you, so the magnetic field you generate is relatively strong!

I really envy you when I think about it!

It's perfectly normal to get tired of the friends around you, and I can understand that a little. L looks at you while you sleep, even paying attention to you while you sleep. Does this make you feel annoyed? Do you feel like you have no privacy? What's there to see when I'm sleeping? Can't you just mind your own business? W heard that a little tea, people with normal values will inevitably feel disgusted when they hear that a girl has a little tea, and then they observe and verify this, so they feel even more disgusted. If I were in your shoes, I would feel the same way. You have found some characteristics of a guy you like that you don't like, like that he likes to be cool and likes to look at shoes. This doesn't fit your values, so it's normal to be annoyed with him.

So if you look at these things together, you may find that it's not a problem at all! A clear distinction between love and hate is also a great personality trait. No one has ever said that we have to respond with affection if others like us.

I see this issue from this perspective, and I think you'll find it really helpful! It may not be right, but you can definitely refer to it. When we can have something or an emotion without any effort, we don't cherish it very much. We only cherish it when we have to make an effort to get it or realize that we are going to lose it.

Even if these people have some characteristics that you don't like, these characteristics are not necessarily wrong. They just don't fit your values, and that's okay! Everyone is different, and that's what makes the world such an exciting place. When we insist on our own, it is also very beneficial to our growth to accept different ideas and practices appropriately. As the old saying goes, "If you listen to both sides, you will be enlightened; if you believe in only one side, you will be in the dark." If other people like us, we don't necessarily have to like them back, but it's not bad to be polite and respond to them and be just friends.

It feels great to get along with the people around you! And accepting others is also accepting yourself.

I love the world and you!

You said you'd get bored after a month with friends. You have two female classmates. One bores you, and the other is too chatty. The same goes for male classmates. After a month, you realize he's not what you thought. He likes to act cool and asks about shoes. You find that disgusting.

You are still very observant of yourself. You get bored after spending a month with your friends. You blame them for being bad and having shortcomings.

You thought they were perfect, but after spending time with them, you realized they have flaws. This makes you feel bored and disgusted. You don't want to face these feelings, so you find a new friend.

Demanding perfection from others is an inability to accept shortcomings. Maybe your parents didn't give you recognition, support, or encouragement. Or maybe you can't face your parents' flaws, so you can't face your own flaws.

Try to see your own shortcomings, praise yourself, recognize yourself, and support yourself. If you need help, ask the school psychologist.

Talk to your friends about how you feel. You don't want to run away; you just can't face your feelings.

When you accept yourself, you can accept others. No one is perfect. You're only 16, and there's still a long road ahead.

Stay strong!

Hello,

Host,

My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a heart exploration coach. I've read your post and I understand your concerns about the relationship.

I also noticed that you, the original poster, have been really open about your situation and actively sought help on the platform. This will undoubtedly help you to better understand and know yourself, which will allow you to adjust and have a better relationship.

Next, I'll share some observations and thoughts that might help you see the situation from a different angle.

1. The laws of psychological development in adolescence

The post mentions that you're 16, which means you're going through puberty. So, what are the psychological characteristics of people in puberty?

It's common during this period to care a lot about what others think of us, our image, and whether or not they accept and like us.

During this time, we tend to see the world and our surroundings through our own lens. It's also common to have a lot of self-imagination, picturing ourselves as "perfect."

Or it could also be seen as a desire to become the ideal version of oneself. However, there is often a gap between the ideal self and the real self.

If there's a big gap, we might feel a bit down. So, if we're trying to become the best version of ourselves, what if we project that outward and expect the people around us to be "perfect"?

2. It seems like the original poster wants his friends to be exactly as he imagines them to be, doesn't it?

In the post, I read about the guy the poster was talking about. It's been about a month now, and I don't think he's really the way I imagined him to be. He likes to act cool, he's always checking out other people's shoe brands, and he even wants to know about my shoes.

I'm getting more and more annoyed with him. I even feel sick just talking to him. I see that the original poster mentioned him, and that he's not what I want.

Regarding the first two friends, it's worth considering whether they also feel they're not what they imagined. Our time with friends often begins with attraction, and at the beginning, we may be more likely to see the good in our friends. However, as time goes on, we may gradually discover the "flaws" in our friends.

And at this point, if you realize that your friends don't match your ideal image, you might decide you don't want to keep them.

That's why we want to end the relationship.

3. In a relationship, it's important to let go of our expectations and see the real person on the other side.

As we've discussed, the reason we can't maintain long-term relationships may be that we expect our friends to be what we imagine them to be. But the truth is, friends can't be what we imagine them to be.

A friend is a friend because they're themselves, not because they're tailored to us like a product or robot.

So, in a relationship, we may have to let go of our own ideas and get to know the real other person. And only when we get to know the real other person, see and appreciate the other person's strengths and also see the other person's shortcomings, can we manage the relationship well.

4. Try to move on from the idea of a "perfect" adolescence.

The perfection of adolescence can be simply understood as wanting to be the ideal self rather than the real self. When the ideal self is further away from the real self, we often suffer a lot because the ideal self resents the real self.

This kind of dislike can also lead to mental fatigue.

So, how do we fix ourselves? It's about trying to accept who you really are.

It's better to accept the real you than to chase perfection. Accepting your current self, seeing your strengths and weaknesses, accepting that some things are out of your control, and focusing on what you can change will help you become a better version of yourself.

And acceptance is a kind of ability. When we can accept our own strengths and weaknesses, we can also accept the strengths and weaknesses of others, which makes it easier to build relationships.

I hope these are helpful and inspiring for you. If you have any questions, you can also try clicking on Find a Coach to have one-on-one communication and grow together.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm always open to new ideas.

I'd like to talk to you about the issue you're having with your friends, which unfortunately doesn't have a long-term solution.

The beauty and instability of adolescence.

We're still in the early stages of puberty, so we're not fully mature in terms of personality and mentality. This makes us easily distracted. As you mentioned in your description, you'd dislike waking up to an expressionless face. You'd also feel annoyed because someone's words influence your thinking and observations. And you'd feel stressed by spending time with someone who's overly concerned about brands.

Nobody's perfect, and we all have our own strengths and weaknesses. When you're not close enough, you can see how great it is to have some distance. But when you get closer and start to know someone better, you might find it harder to accept them.

There are so many great things about being a teenager, but sometimes a lack of patience can make us a bit inconsistent in how we treat others.

This is totally normal at this age, but it can really wear you down. I hope the questioner can think about the problem from a different perspective.

When you wake up and see an expressionless face, your first reaction might be fear, surprise, or disgust, but you express them. Speak your most honest feelings and hope that you don't make such a move in the future.

When someone says, "The other person talks a lot of nonsense," our own thinking gets carried away. It doesn't matter if what the other person says is nonsense or not—you'll examine it from this perspective, so it's no surprise you came to the conclusion you described. That's why we should have our own opinions and judgment. As for people who like to inquire about brands, that's just a personal hobby.

How can you improve your persistence?

First, it's important to accept that nobody's perfect. As humans, we all have our own set of likes and dislikes.

We're all individuals in this world, and we're here to do our own thing. We're all unique because we have different strengths and weaknesses. Once we accept this, we'll stop being so hard on ourselves and others.

Secondly, accept that distance creates beauty. The world we see is designed by businessmen, and the people we see are also what the other person lets us see.

When you're not close with someone, you can still find things to admire about them. But when you get close, you'll probably also notice some things you don't like about them.

This is normal. A true friend is not someone who is friends with you because you are good, but because they really understand you, just as you are.

? On top of that, when we're faced with problems, we should use our own judgment and express ourselves reasonably. We don't know what the other person is thinking when they say something to us, but at least their words affect us and influence our thinking in ways that align with their intentions.

It might seem inconsequential, but when it comes to making friends, it's important to have your own judgment and opinions.

Finally, learn to look at things with an appreciative eye. Set aside the other person's shortcomings and focus on your own approach to getting along with them. Ask yourself: have you been happy for a month? Are your friends treating you well? Kids have a strong sense of justice and see things in black and white. We can be a little softer and look at the little positives around us. You'll be pleasantly surprised!

Wishing you the best!

Good morning,

Affirmative action is recommended for this individual.

It appears that neither Friend L, with whom you previously had a good relationship, nor Friend W, nor the boy who seems to be trying to act cool, are the kind of friends you believe they should be. At least, they do not meet your expectations, which has led to a sense of disappointment.

Please indicate whether this feeling is a recent development or if you have experienced similar feelings in the past.

Please provide a brief account of when these feelings arose, the people present at the time, their actions, facial expressions, and emotions, as well as your own feelings at the time. If you are able to identify these memories quickly, you will likely find that they are related to your upbringing. A person's upbringing affects their interpersonal relationships as an adult.

I believe that if it weren't for the spate of similar incidents, and when I think back carefully, the boy who played better didn't really have much of a "crime." In that case, my feelings would be even more difficult to release with justification, and it would somehow bring me feelings of guilt and pain.

Let us analyze together whether the behavior of these friends merits disciplinary action and greater accountability.

Friend L consistently purchases snacks and milk tea on a daily basis.

The conflict arises from unintentional, expressionless collisions.

Friend W: maintains a stable and positive relationship.

The issue at hand is the following: a hint from a "stranger" friend may be "tea."

The boy friend's performance was satisfactory.

There is a discrepancy between their stated preferences and their actual behavior. They appear to be interested in pursuing designer brands, yet they also express a desire to maintain a cool and collected demeanor.

Each individual possesses unique characteristics, yet this does not impact the strength of our friendship. This demonstrates that I am open to differences between people and can find common ground while maintaining individual differences. The primary challenge in any relationship is when there is a discrepancy between my expectations and the reality of the situation. In such instances, I find it challenging to accept and am reluctant to communicate and address the underlying reasons for this discrepancy.

For example, when I make brief eye contact with an expressionless face, friend L makes me feel bored. I believe this is a sign of "badness." Similarly, friend W makes me feel betrayed because of her "polite and tactful" behavior. The boys' love of acting cool and their pursuit of designer brands also make me feel more like they are hypocrites inside.

Is this assumption valid?

It is important to note that the same behavior may have different underlying causes. Without a clear understanding of these causes, it may not be an objective or prudent decision to terminate the relationship and form a negative opinion of the other party.

It is therefore important to consider the situation from both a rational and an emotional perspective in order to gain a comprehensive understanding of the issue at hand.

It is possible that Friend L lacks a strong sense of security, and therefore attempts to maintain a positive relationship by offering support, displaying positive emotions, and being agreeable. However, she may experience fatigue or doubt regarding the other person's perception of her as a friend. Friend W, on the other hand, may be highly sociable, either by nature or as a means of managing interpersonal conflicts. This can potentially lead to misinterpretations from an alternative perspective. She may have lacked the skills to navigate these dynamics during her formative years, which could have contributed to her alienation from her best friend, "Me," and subsequent feelings of hurt. Regarding the boy, his development differs from that of a girl. He may prioritize self-esteem and recognition to a greater extent than a girl would. This mindset may lead him to demonstrate his strength through external material, although he may not intend to cause genuine harm to others. It is also possible that the questioner perceives them all as "hypocritical" individuals.

It is worth questioning whether it is truly a coincidence that individuals who are perceived as "hypocritical" tend to reappear in our lives, often letting us down in some way.

What is the correct way to view friendships?

Admit to the discrepancies between individuals.

The individual in question is 16 years of age and is able to discern between the information and atmosphere presented to them. They are aware that each individual is an independent entity with their own unique family background and specific growth environment, which influences their individual development and internal needs. Given that everyone possesses their own strengths and weaknesses, it is possible for them to appreciate and tolerate each other more.

If we were to compare individuals to scents, such as mint, lemon, rose, or orchid, would it be possible to determine which is superior? I believe this would be challenging because their respective excellence is different and cannot be compared.

Why is it necessary to use a fixed standard to measure them and demand that they meet our expectations?

It is important to learn to communicate effectively, rather than making subjective judgments.

The questioner has never considered ending the friendship with either L or W. They have not adequately explained or communicated their feelings. As the issue persisted, they began a romantic relationship. Their partner repeatedly inquired about the problem. The questioner was reluctant to hurt him and wanted to resolve the issue. However, in every friendship, the questioner lacked clarity about the situation and made assumptions about the other person's thoughts and intentions. Is this not damaging the relationship?

It is important to take responsibility for one's own actions, even in the context of interpersonal relationships. This entails doing one's part effectively and taking ownership of one's role. Even if the outcome is not ideal, time will pass, and there will be no negative consequences. In addressing the issue at hand, it is recommended to first create a peaceful and conducive environment with the involved parties. This should be done through direct, face-to-face communication. Additionally, it is essential to understand each individual's feelings regarding the relationship and their genuine thoughts. It is acknowledged that not everyone may be willing or ready to engage in such a discussion. In such cases, it is important to respect their decision. Our role is to address the issues at hand, recognize the truth, and understand our genuine expectations. This process of self-reflection and understanding is essential for personal growth and healing.

The practice of meditation and observation of inner emotions

From the current situation, it can be inferred that the questioner has a significant amount of unexpressed emotions. Due to an inability to communicate them effectively and a lack of opportunity to do so, these emotions remain suppressed, leading to internal conflicts. He has difficulty letting go of certain views and is fearful of the truth.

It is recommended that, regardless of past experiences, you utilize meditation and self-awareness to promptly release unreasonable emotions, allowing your body and mind to achieve a state of balance and naturalness. This process is essential for personal growth and learning.

Best regards,

Hello, girl. I see you're confused. I give you a hug!

You have some social issues. Here's a hug.

You get bored with your friends.

You know what will happen next.

L will buy you snacks and milk tea.

W follows you around.

Join more activities in high school and make more friends. Don't invest all your emotions in just one or two friends.

You get along with a boy in 11th grade, but you don't like his interest in designer brands.

But you won't tell him why you don't want to be friends. You just say you want to "be alone."

Maybe you've had a bad experience turning down a boy.

You're afraid of rejecting a boy you like, and it will happen again.

Seek help from a counselor. Let her help you with your problems.

Student discount: 50% off.

Fill out a form and submit a school certificate to prove you're enrolled.

I hope you can resolve your problem soon.

That's all I can think of.

I hope my answers help and inspire you. I am the answer, and I study hard every day.

Yixinli loves you! Best wishes!