After five years with my boyfriend, how can I deal with his poor relationship with his mother?

Hello, I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

I can relate to how you're feeling. I was once in a similar situation and cried a lot. In the end, I stood my ground and we're now very happy. His relationship with my mother has also improved.

Ultimately, there's no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. Whether or not to push forward depends on why your mother has reservations, how strongly she feels about it, and why you're so determined to move forward and how committed you are.

1. Mom's objections are based on external factors.

For instance, the boy's family lives a long way from yours, they can't offer you the ideal bride price right now, he's not very tall, he's not particularly handsome, and his current salary is low.

If these are the reasons, they can be overcome with some effort and resolved through communication. For example, the problem of living far away from home. Now that transportation and communication are very developed, you can still contact each other every day even if you live far away. Staying at a certain distance can also avoid some friction and conflicts. You can buy your mother whatever she needs online, or just buy it and mail it to her.

If you believe this boy is a responsible person, someone who is willing to take on responsibility, someone who is willing to endure hardships and is motivated, and if he truly likes and loves you, then you should insist. You'll live a happy life and get your parents' blessing in the end.

2. The reason why Mom disagrees is down to some internal factors.

For instance, the boy has a bad character, is irresponsible, lacks motivation, doesn't really like you, and is deceiving you.

Then you need to think about whether you need to stick to your guns. After all, parents have more life experience and knowledge, and these traits are hard to change. So if you really want to stick to your guns, you also need to think about the consequences.

There are two ways you can solve this problem:

1. Use non-violent communication to express your needs and understand your mother's feelings.

The point of communication isn't to prove who's right and who's wrong. It's to help you understand each other better and develop the relationship.

We need to communicate deeply in our relationships, express each other's needs and feelings in a timely manner, and establish a deeper emotional connection and emotional communication. One way to do this is through the method of non-violent communication. The steps are: state the objective facts, express your feelings, express your needs, and request the other person's actions.

It's important to be objective when you're stating facts. Try not to be critical or accusatory. It's also good to express your own needs and feelings. When you're asking someone else to do something, make sure your request is specific. The more specific you can be, the better. That way, the other person knows exactly what you want them to do.

For instance, you could say to your mother, "I feel sad, troubled, worried, and helpless when you don't agree with me being with... I'd especially like your understanding and support, especially your blessing and respect for my decision. Could you also talk about your feelings and thoughts so that I can understand the reasons why you disapprove?"

If your mother is open to sharing her feelings and needs, you can gain a deeper understanding of her perspective. For instance, if she feels that the other person's circumstances are less than ideal, you can reassure her that he has the capacity to improve things, and that just because things aren't great now doesn't mean they'll always be that way. You can also commit to working with him to create a positive future together.

This kind of communication helps you understand each other better, which creates a deeper connection.

2. Learn to distinguish between your own issues and your mother's issues.

To handle relationships with other people, including parents and partners, we need to learn to separate issues. This means distinguishing between our own issues and other people's issues. We need to learn to take responsibility for our own life issues and not impose other people's issues on ourselves.

How do you know which one to listen to?

It's pretty straightforward: if you're the one who's affected by something, you're responsible for it.

For instance, if a mother lets her child wear short sleeves inside in winter, she'll have to live with the consequences: her mother-in-law might not be happy, the child might catch a cold, and of course, the child will learn to perceive warmth and cold on their own and exercise their independence...

From another perspective, nothing is perfect, but we always have to make our own decisions. Once we make a decision, we have to live with the consequences.

The mother-in-law's nagging is her own business. The mother of the child doesn't have to take responsibility for it. The mother-in-law may nag for other reasons too, and she'll nag not only the daughter-in-law, but also other people. As daughter-in-law, we can't control any of this, so we don't need to be involved in it. It's the mother-in-law's problem.

So, it's important to think about what you should and shouldn't take responsibility for in this situation. In my opinion, your own marriage is your own problem, and who you choose to marry is your own business. But once you've made your choice, you need to take responsibility for everything. For example, you have to accept your mother's disapproval, you have to take control of your married life, and handle the things you need to handle...

If your mother disagrees with your decision, she'll get angry, complain, and even accuse you. That's her problem. She hasn't adjusted her perception. She wants to control your life. That's crossing the line. She can give advice, but ultimately, the decision is yours. After you get married, you're the one who has to live your married life. No one can replace you.

Ultimately, it's up to you. You just need to figure out what's yours to handle and what's someone else's. Take responsibility for your own issues and don't let other people's problems affect you. It'll be easier and you'll be able to make decisions more clearly.

Ultimately, my parents weren't initially on board with the marriage, particularly my mother. She was concerned about the distance and the family's appearance, and the salary was also a factor. However, I valued my boyfriend's sense of responsibility and ambition, and with persistence, I was able to convince my parents to agree to the marriage.

And now, we're really very happy, and my parents are getting to like my husband more and more.

As a general rule, most parents will be on board with your decision as long as you can be happy on your own. If you're confident that your choice will make you happy, then go for it. If not, it might be time to rethink.

Either way, I wish you the best.

Greetings! I extend a warm embrace from a distance.

A lack of understanding, respect, and support from one's husband and mother-in-law can result in feelings of grievance, anger, helplessness, and powerlessness.

From the description provided, it is evident that when conflicts arise in the marriage, the husband does not take the initiative to collaborate with the wife to identify a more effective solution or response. Instead, he seeks assistance from the wife's mother, and together they assign a greater degree of responsibility to the wife for her perceived inadequacies. This leads to feelings of profound misunderstanding, lack of appreciation, and lack of support, yet the wife does not express her authentic feelings and desires for a more respectful treatment. In other words, she allows the other parties to recognize the extent of her emotional distress and the boundaries of her tolerance.

It is important to be aware of the underlying fears and concerns that may lead to the suppression and concealment of one's genuine emotions. For instance, if the fear of rejection is present, it is essential to understand the implications of this fear. Does it imply that one is not worthy of love and acceptance? To some extent, there is a tendency to align with and internalize the way one is treated by others. This may perpetuate the belief that one is not good enough, which is a significant contributor to one's suffering.

One may record painful emotional feelings in writing by maintaining an emotional diary. This practice can facilitate the perception, experience, and expression of emotions, as well as the exploration of underlying needs. Additionally, it can assist in the resolution of marital and personal conflicts. The ability to accurately express emotions and inner needs to others hinges on a clear awareness of one's emotions.

The utterance of the words "the world and I love you" is a statement of profound significance.

Hello, question asker. I'm happy to answer your question.

I can see how you're torn between your mother and your boyfriend. You've been together for five years, and your boyfriend is attentive and caring. Who wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that? I'd like to share my understanding, and I hope it will give you some inspiration and insight.

##Make sure everyone's on the same page about their roles##

We all play different roles in life: parents, children, employees, lovers, friends, and so on.

First, let's look at everyone's role. A mother's role is that of a mother, a boyfriend's role is that of a boyfriend, and so on. So, what is our role?

You're both a daughter and a girlfriend, and because you play these "dual roles," you end up taking on more responsibilities in the relationship, which is exhausting and puts you in a tough spot.

Next, let's look at it from a different angle. As a daughter, you're responsible for caring for, respecting, and taking care of your parents. As a girlfriend, you're responsible for understanding, respecting, and caring for your boyfriend. We can all fulfill these responsibilities, and that's already fulfilling our role.

But why are we still suffering? It's because we've taken on the responsibilities of others without realizing it. If a mother and her boyfriend don't get along, she probably has the responsibility to respect, accept, and love her children. If the boyfriend is just a boyfriend, then the responsibility is equivalent to that of a girlfriend. And if the boyfriend is the role of a future son-in-law, then the responsibility is equivalent to that of a daughter.

So, we need to learn to define our own responsibilities and those of others, and then share out the other person's responsibilities.

It's important to communicate more.

We can also learn some communication skills by returning responsibility to the other person.

1. Learn to empathize. Empathy means putting yourself in the other person's shoes and thinking about things from their perspective. It's conducive to deep conversations and helps you see the other person's real needs.

2. Learn to listen. Listen for the "unspoken meaning" in your mother's complaints about her boyfriend. Is she deliberately belittling him, or is she just being honest? Is she airing her grievances, or is she expressing her concern?

... And when you combine empathy with that, you'll understand the other person's requests better.

3. Learn to be a good listener. Sometimes, chatting doesn't have to accomplish a task. It's not necessary to engage in high-level discussions or argue with each other. Just listen more, and it will make the conversation more interesting. Just nod your head occasionally and say a few words in agreement, and the other person will feel your attention and acceptance.

The above are just my personal opinions. I hope the original poster finds happiness and fulfillment.

I'm here for you. Here are a few tips.

You and your boyfriend have a good relationship because he has good qualities.

Your mother doesn't like your boyfriend because he is poor. We don't want to bully the young and poor. If you stay with him, you need to communicate with your mother and let her accept your boyfriend. Your mother loves you, but you are an independent individual.

Your boyfriend is wrong to disrespect your mother. This makes you feel passive. You must choose to stand by your mother, apologize, and seek her forgiveness.

If they love you, this shouldn't happen. Think about it.

In Chinese tradition, you should respect both your parents. You should never raise your voice to them, even if they are bad. If you are married, what if your goal becomes your own happiness? This is about your character.

To avoid conflict, break up with your boyfriend, fulfill your mother's wishes, reconcile with your mother, or separate from both.

Love and life are a two-way street. I hope you're happy.