After four years, single life is over, but the rhythm of life has been disrupted again. What to do?

Hello! I'm Li Di, and I'm so happy we've connected.

When you're by yourself, your life is pretty regular and you feel like you've got things under control. But now that you've met your girlfriend, you're no longer lonely, but you're also noticing that your abilities in various aspects seem to be weakening, which is making you really worried. You want to discuss how to establish a good rhythm of life for the two of you, right?

As I was reading, I also thought about how my good, positive rhythm of life that I had established over the past four years has now changed. I think I might also be unable to adapt. It's easy to control the rhythm on your own, but what about after you get a partner? It seems that I will need to adapt to many things. So when I find that my abilities in various aspects seem to be weakening, I think it's important to first calm down and ask myself, have I really become weaker?

If that's the case, then from another perspective, could it be that I don't need to be too capable for the time being because of the current state of my life? If not, then is it possible that I am worried about something?

After all, I used to be able to adjust the pace of my life, so I have to believe in myself and still be able to slowly find a pace of life that suits the two of us. Then I have to think about what these real emotions and feelings are expressing—they're there for a reason!

Your description shows how you're going through a big change in your life. You're moving from living on your own to living with a partner. This is a big step! It involves a lot of thinking about who you are, feeling safe, and being independent. You've been used to having freedom and being in control of your life. Now, you're facing new challenges. You might be feeling worried about losing your personal space and abilities.

According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, you've been doing really well in terms of self-actualization. You've already reached the higher levels of needs, i.e. self-actualization and the ability to make your own decisions. But now, with the establishment of a relationship, you seem to have encountered new challenges. These relate to the need for belonging and love, as well as the need for self-esteem. It's totally normal to feel like you can still be independent and be respected by others.

Rogers' humanistic existentialist perspective might suggest that you're going through a period of reassessing your self-concept. It's totally normal! When our living environment changes, we often re-examine our identity and our place in life.

It's totally normal to feel a little uncertain and anxious when you're going through this reassessment. It's like you're adjusting your self-concept to fit a new reality, which can be a bit daunting. But you've got this! Here are some deeper analytical explorations of the current situation.

☞ Adjustment of self-identity: It's totally normal to reassess your role and identity after entering a relationship.

It's totally normal to reassess your identity as an individual and as a partner during this time. It's natural to feel a little confused or uncertain as you adjust to new roles and responsibilities.

☞ Fluctuating sense of security: It's totally normal to feel a little insecure when you're in a new relationship. It's exciting, but it can also bring new expectations and responsibilities that might make you feel a bit unsure.

This feeling might be caused by a few different things. It could be that you're feeling a bit nervous about the future or worried that you'll lose some of your favourite personal habits and freedoms.

☞Balance of autonomy. It's so important to have your own space and autonomy in your life.

It's so important to find a balance in a relationship where you can maintain your independence while enjoying the closeness of your partner. It might take a little time and practice to achieve a comfortable state, but you'll get there!

☞ Perceived changes in social skills. You may notice a decrease in your social initiative, which could be because you're so caught up in your new relationship and your energy and attention are elsewhere.

Don't worry! This doesn't mean that your social skills have diminished, it just means that your priorities have changed.

☞Emotional ups and downs: It's totally normal to have emotional swings when relationships change. Your current feelings might be a mix of excitement about the new relationship and a little bit of nostalgia for the old way of life.

So, how can we work through these challenges together? Here are a few ideas:

[Self-awareness] It's so important to take the time to understand your real needs and desires, and what you are looking for in this relationship.

Be open and honest with your partner. Talk about your feelings and needs, and work together to find solutions.

It's so important to make sure you have enough personal space and time to maintain your personal interests and social activities.

Keep growing! It's so important to invest in your personal development and maintain activities that make you feel fulfilled and happy.

It's so important to accept change! After all, life is always changing, and adapting to these changes is an amazing opportunity to grow.

Remember, your feelings are valuable, and you are not alone. Everyone has different experiences and challenges in relationships, and you're not alone either!

Give yourself some time and space to adapt, and trust in your ability to find your own balance, sweetheart.

I really hope my answer helps! Just remember, you're the only you in the whole world, and you deserve all the good things in life!

The situation of the questioner is understandable. When a person lives alone, they have more freedom, without too many worries or restrictions, especially in interpersonal relationships. After getting a girlfriend, it is natural for more attention to be paid to the development and management of the relationship with the girlfriend. It may be helpful to consider reducing some socializing with others to balance one's energy expenditure.

It is also worth noting that the two people have different habits in many aspects of their work and lives. This can sometimes result in conflicts in their schedules when they chat and communicate. One of the parties' habits may need to change due to the influence of the other party. There is a loss and a gain. In order to get the emotional needs of the heart satisfied, one may have to lose some of the emotional satisfaction gained from socializing with others, and lose some freedom and habits. This is also the conservation of energy and the balance of conversion.

It is therefore understandable that the arrival of a girlfriend may disrupt the previous rhythm of life somewhat. It is important to accept this and to approach it with an open mind.

However, there are some concerns regarding the questioner's inner feelings of anxiety and fear about the dependence on this intimate relationship with his girlfriend after the disruption of the rhythm of life. Love is a beautiful and profound emotion, and although there will be times of conflict, it does not affect the beauty and satisfaction brought about by a harmonious and stable relationship. Generally speaking, in a normal relationship, both parties will care a great deal about and cherish the emotional relationship with each other, and they will feel very happy and content. Of course, some people may experience feelings of unease and fear about such an intimate relationship. The questioner is not the only one who feels this way.

In addition to the anxiety and fear of relying on intimate relationships, there is also the fear of losing one's sense of independence by relying on the other person in this way. It is important to remember that a place of comfort can also be a place where one's heroic spirit is challenged. There is a fear of losing one's ability to think independently and to be self-sufficient as a result of being in a relationship. There is also the fear of being abandoned and hurt after relying too much on the other person.

It is possible that the situation of the questioner is related to her inner experience of being a housewife in her original family and the relationship between her parents. It seems that the perception of the parents' relationship may have affected the questioner's perception and expectations of all intimate relationships, which could be the reason for her lack of security or confidence. It might be helpful for the questioner to consider this aspect and see if this is the case in her heart. It is also important to remember that their parents' marital relationship is theirs, and they are responsible for managing their own good or bad lives.

It is important to remember that just because they are not happy does not mean that the relationship will not be happy. Ultimately, the relationship is between you and your girlfriend, and it is up to you to manage it. With the right approach, it can be a very happy relationship. The above is just my personal opinion, which I hope you will find helpful to consider.

——01——

Good day, my name is Liu Nian.

A thorough reading of your words has enabled me to grasp the nuances of your current emotional state.

The transition from a fulfilling life alone to a world of two not only introduces emotional richness but also necessitates subtle adjustments in habits and self-perception.

The sentiments you articulated are, in fact, the psychological process that many individuals undergo when entering a new relationship phase. This process entails shifts in various domains, including individual autonomy, social norms, and emotional reliance.

——2——

Firstly, it is important to recognise that your feelings are genuine and should be acknowledged. Facing one's emotions and feelings is a courageous act. Secondly, it is essential to understand that the transition from being a single individual to being in a relationship with another person is not merely a matter of sharing living space; it is also about merging one's spiritual worlds.

First and foremost, it is imperative to acknowledge that your sentiments are genuine and deserving of acknowledgment. The act of confronting one's emotions and feelings is a courageous one. The transition from a solitary existence to a partnership is not merely a matter of sharing a living space; it is also a process of integrating two distinct spiritual realms.

First and foremost, it is imperative to acknowledge that your sentiments are genuine and deserving of acknowledgment. It is a courageous act to confront one's emotions and feelings. The transition from a solitary existence to a partnership is not merely a matter of sharing a living space; it is also a process of integrating the spiritual dimensions of one's life.

This transition may also entail a redefinition of one's personal boundaries and an adaptation of social interaction patterns.

The "less happy" and "weaker social skills" you perceive may be attributed to your transition from an "independent self" to a "self in a relationship." During this transitionary period, you may unconsciously direct a greater degree of attention and emotional investment towards your partner, which could potentially impact your previous lifestyle and social habits.

——03——

In psychology, this phenomenon can be partially explained by the attachment theory. Attachment theory posits that individuals develop specific attachment patterns when forming intimate relationships, which subsequently influence their behavioral, emotional, and cognitive responses within these relationships.

It is possible that you were previously accustomed to an independent lifestyle, which provided a sense of security and control. The formation of a new relationship may result in alterations to your attachment patterns, potentially leading to feelings of discomfort and uncertainty.

Conversely, one's social skills have not necessarily declined; they may simply be different due to alterations in one's social environment or the individuals with whom one interacts. Consequently, one's social approach may also undergo changes.

The frequent communication with your girlfriend has resulted in a greater inclination towards intimacy and depth in speech, which has led to a change in your style of communication with others. When you return to your previous social circle, this change may give rise to feelings of discomfort, creating the illusion that "your social skills have worsened".

——04——

Indeed, numerous individuals have undergone comparable experiences. After entering into a new relationship, they often perceive a disruption in their life rhythm and even question their social abilities.

However, over time, they have learned to maintain their individuality while also benefiting from the relationship. One can draw strength from the experiences of others and strive to achieve a balance in the relationship, avoiding excessive dependence on one's partner while also honoring one's personal needs.

——05——

In response to your inquiry, I offer the following suggestions, which I hope will prove helpful.

It is important to recognise that all relationships have boundaries. It is therefore essential to define your own boundaries and needs in the relationship and to ensure that you have sufficient time and space to maintain your personal interests and activities.

For example, it is advisable to engage in constant reflection on one's social interactions, with a view to learning from the experiences gained. This may entail consideration of the appropriate actions to take and the most suitable responses to make.

Secondly, it is important to consider whether it is necessary to give up other social interactions, depending on how you and your partner interact. Many individuals do, in fact, choose to do so. During the early stages of a relationship, the two partners tend to spend a significant amount of time together, which can result in a reduction in the time spent with other friends.

Indeed, once the level of intimacy and trust between the two individuals has reached a sufficient degree, it becomes possible to gradually resume previous social behaviors. This may even extend to involving one's girlfriend in one's existing social circles. Participation in select friend gatherings or interest groups can help to maintain one's social vitality and independence.

The third recommendation is to prioritize communication and sharing. It may be beneficial to identify a more conducive time, such as during a meal, to engage in open and honest dialogue with your partner about your feelings and concerns. This approach allows for a deeper understanding of each other's inner worlds while also facilitating the exchange of ideas and perspectives.

Effective communication serves as the foundation for a stable relationship.

The fourth is self-reflection, which entails periodic introspection regarding one's life and relationship status, coupled with an examination of how to achieve a more harmonious equilibrium between individual and relationship needs. This practice facilitates the maintenance of a clear sense of self-awareness and direction.

It is essential to maintain the harmony of the relationship for the time being. On this basis, it is possible to continue to restore and establish other social relationships, which can also be further expanded according to the individual's actual needs.

——06——

In conclusion, it can be stated that the process of growth and change is inherently dynamic. The current experiences are integral to this process.

One should not be fearful of change and should avoid hasty actions. Instead, one should trust one's own abilities and wisdom, as doing so will facilitate the discovery of one's own happiness and balance.

Hello!

I think your question needs to be looked at from these points.

You've lost your sense of boundaries. You used to have few social opportunities, spending most of your time studying, exercising, and enjoying entertainment.

Then after you started dating your girlfriend, you changed. You can talk to a counselor about it.

Why isn't it as good as it used to be with one more person in the relationship?

With another person, things will be different. Think about how she is doing.

These little problems can make you feel emotional, but they may not have been there before. This is probably also why you feel vulnerable.

Why did you end your single life? What about this girl attracted you? It was a big change from being single to being in a relationship.

Were you forced to do it? Or did you choose to do it? Either way, you can talk to a counselor.

You say your girlfriend is sociable and sensible. But why has she made you less able to get things done? Are you focusing more on other people?

Have you neglected your studies, exercise, and entertainment? Are you still studying?

Studying, exercising, and relaxing are all important. Are you doing enough of any of these? Are you and your girlfriend on the same page?

I can only guess, and I'll know more if I ask more questions.

You are sensitive and perceptive and can notice changes in yourself. You want to get better, which is a positive attitude.

Is 1 1 =, >, or < 2? Is that a concern?

Best of luck!

Dear question asker, I am Gu Daoxi Fengshou Slender Donkey, your Heart Exploration coach.

The transition from one person's routine to the adjustment of two people's lives is a lengthy process that requires significant time for adaptation and adjustment. It is not uncommon for the questioner to experience discomfort during this transitional period.

Individuals with disparate lifestyles must diverge from their established modes of cohabitation and collectively forge a novel approach to living. This transition often entails a period of uncertainty and disorientation. The questioner may endeavor to establish a new routine to facilitate a harmonious equilibrium between the two lifestyles. One potential strategy is to delineate the time allotted to their intimate relationship. When a structured plan is in place, it becomes easier to adapt to the new lifestyle, which may otherwise be characterized by a state of flux. I have previously encountered similar circumstances, and I have found that achieving a balance and making selective compromises can mitigate anxiety.

The act of communicating with a sense of purpose and spontaneity can result in distinct psychological pressures. Additionally, human energy is finite. When our cognitive and emotional resources are insufficient to cope with the influx of changes, we may experience feelings of exhaustion and helplessness. This may explain the discrepancy in communication patterns observed between the questioner's single and current relationship states.

In describing his girlfriend, the OP employed the term "understanding." This raises the question of whether the OP's girlfriend is prone to being sensitive, vulnerable, and hurt. When one's partner is sensitive and understanding, it may lead to a cautious approach in interactions, a fear of hurting the other person, and an attempt to understand each other's mode of interaction. This may result in the OP adjusting his perspective.

The term "understanding" is seldom employed to describe an egalitarian relationship. Instead, it is typically used as an adjective by elders to describe juniors or by social opinion to describe individuals. It is unclear whether the questioner is describing his girlfriend as understanding in terms of her behavior in an intimate relationship or in terms of her behavior in her family. It would be beneficial for the questioner to consider whether he and his girlfriend are equal in their intimate relationship.

It is also possible that the issue of inequality remains unresolved. However, it may be beneficial for the questioner to consider ways of improving their mode of interaction.

The questioner referenced their previous lifestyle when they were single and employed the phrase "the hard-won established routine." This indicates that the questioner did not immediately adapt to this lifestyle but rather experienced an adjustment period. The questioner may be able to integrate this experience into their adaptation to a lifestyle for two people, which could facilitate the questioner's ability to gradually establish a personal rhythm and regain stability.

The term "I think" is, in fact, a highly subjective one, and not at all objective. It would be beneficial for the questioner to attempt to distinguish between facts and feelings in order to avoid making any judgments that are not based on reality, due to emotional depletion.

The fear of change and the resistance to uncertainty are two factors that contribute to internal conflict. In order to prepare for the worst-case scenario, it is essential to consider how one would respond if the worst were to occur. This approach can help individuals gain a sense of control and focus on practical considerations rather than emotional responses.

The internal conflict caused by worrying about how intimate relationships will affect future plans may indicate that the questioner is a responsible individual. However, intimate relationships are both a vulnerability and a source of strength. They provide the courage to overcome challenges and grow when faced with difficulties. Attempting to view intimate relationships in a positive light may assist the questioner in reducing cognitive bias.

It is important to avoid self-scaring, self-labelling and the assumption that one is unable to succeed. Instead, it may be helpful to shift the focus from "I may not be able to do it" to "What can I do to make it work?" This approach may assist the questioner in feeling more empowered and in gaining a sense of control.

The notion that profound love is unavoidable is a common one. If the emotional state experienced in an intimate relationship is characterised by distress and pressure, rather than joy and contentment, it may be the case that the individual is seeking a partner who is suitable for a relationship, rather than someone who elicits intense emotional responses. Alternatively, the individual may not yet be prepared to enter into a relationship. Attempting to gain insight into one's current emotional state may assist in facilitating a more optimal adjustment.

It is recommended that the following texts be read: "How to Hug a Hedgehog" and "A Thought Turned."

I wish you the best of luck!

Hello, I am Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who can help you understand your images.

The questioner feels that some changes have taken place in their lives after entering into a relationship. These include a decrease in enthusiasm for socializing, a feeling of a decline in social skills, and a disruption in the rhythm of life. These feelings of loss of abilities have caused you discomfort. However, feelings are not facts. The reason you are no longer actively socializing as frequently as when you were single is that you need to shift your emotional focus. After falling in love, the desire to communicate with others may decrease due to having a fixed daily communication partner. This does not mean that your social skills will decline. Changes in the rhythm of life can make us feel uneasy, but this is a process of self-improvement that requires some pain.

Don't waste time regretting the loss of "freedom" and worrying about the "loss of ability." Stand in the present and embrace the experience of growing together hand in hand.

We often tell people in love that they shouldn't give up personal growth and pursuits, even in a relationship. When you're alone, your life is full of diversity and vitality. Even as a couple, you can continue to learn, exercise, and pursue other interests and hobbies. The choice is always yours.

You should also share your feelings and concerns with your partner to enhance mutual understanding and support. Through communication, you can find a balance that is acceptable to both parties and work together to maintain a healthy relationship.

Life is always changing, and learning to adapt and adjust is the key to growth. You must incorporate the new rhythm of life into your personal growth plan, so that the two complement each other.

Additionally, you should reflect on whether you are too harsh or one-sided in your self-assessment. This is likely because you desire perfection or want to avoid failure, which causes you to set excessively high standards for yourself, even beyond your actual capabilities.

This kind of harsh evaluation is not conducive to our growth and development. It leads to self-doubt and negativity, and it kills our motivation and confidence to move forward.

When we find ourselves in this kind of mood, we must adjust our mindset. The action of coming here for help is very good, and you can listen to their opinions and suggestions to gain a more comprehensive understanding of yourself.

This will help us view ourselves with greater tolerance and understanding, and accept our imperfections and shortcomings.

Everyone grows through change. You can better understand and improve yourself and move towards a better future by maintaining an open mind and taking positive action!

Best wishes!

Greetings.

For a period of four years, you resided independently and demonstrated an admirable capacity to maintain a harmonious equilibrium between academic pursuits, physical fitness, and recreational activities. You derived considerable fulfillment from the autonomy and flexibility afforded by your single status, and you established a commendable routine that was both consistent and fulfilling.

Following the formation of a romantic partnership, an individual may transition from a state of singledom to one of having a daily companion. While the experience of loneliness may dissipate, the subjective sense of happiness may not fully align with the levels observed prior to the relationship's inception.

It can be argued that each individual possesses a unique mental space, which may be disrupted when another person enters the picture. This disruption can be likened to the creation of ripples on the surface of a pond. Prior to the introduction of a romantic partner, one's rhythm may have been characterized by a high degree of regularity. However, the advent of a romantic relationship can result in a slight disruption to this rhythm, which may not yet have been replaced by a new, established rhythm.

Previously, when he was single, he was adept at socializing and had ample time to interact with others. Now, however, he has formed a close bond with his current partner, and has consequently filled his free time with them. As a result, he finds his life to be highly fulfilling.

The time available for socializing and conversing with others is limited. If the majority of one's time is spent with a romantic partner, it inevitably reduces the time available for social interaction.

Socializing under time pressure and in a hurry can result in a negative social experience.

Since the advent of a romantic partner, the subject has experienced a decline in social skills and an increase in feelings of vulnerability.

It is unclear whether the subject's feelings of vulnerability and incompetence are a result of a genuine shift in their abilities or if they are merely a subjective perception. It is also uncertain whether the deterioration in their feelings is a direct result of this shift or if there are other contributing factors.

One may ascertain this by taking a few deep breaths, achieving a state of calm, and establishing a connection with the body, after which one may inquire as to what has changed.

From your perspective, your girlfriend is highly sensible and driven, and you terminated your single status due to your genuine affection for her. Terminating your single status also signifies the conclusion of the rhythm of your single life.

One may perceive a disruption in the established rhythm of life, which could potentially lead to a state of unease and apprehension regarding the continuation of this chaotic situation. This could result in an individual who is typically strong and resilient becoming unsociable and inflexible.

It seems reasonable to posit that this state of affairs cannot be maintained for long.

In the initial stages of your four-year period of single life, you did not promptly adjust your life rhythm to an optimal state. Instead, you gradually established your own most suitable rhythm of life by adapting while feeling and watching, and by observing and integrating the changes that occurred in your life.

The advent of a new life together represents a significant transition in one's living arrangements. It is akin to a room that was previously occupied by a single individual and was in a state of order.

The introduction of a second individual into the domestic environment inevitably results in an increase in the number of people and items within the space. Consequently, the environment is likely to become disorderly and lose its previously established state of organisation.

In the process of tidying a room, items that require attention are initially grouped together in a disorganized manner. This initial stage often results in a more chaotic state than that observed prior to the commencement of the tidying process.

The situation is currently as disordered as it was during the process of tidying up the room. The established routines have been disrupted, and a new rhythm has yet to be established.

Once this most chaotic period has elapsed and the room has been tidied, it will once again become orderly.

Once the two-person room has been adjusted to accommodate the other person living in the house, the person living in the heart, and the mental space having adapted to her presence, a new routine and order will be established. Adjustments can be made, feelings can be expressed, and adaptations can be made together with her, communication can be enhanced, and the lifestyle that suits the two of you best and makes both of you comfortable can be identified.

I extend my sincerest wishes for your well-being. I also express my profound admiration for you.

Good day, my name is Zeyu.

"After four years, my single life has come to an end, but my life rhythm has been disrupted once again." In order to address the confusion of the original poster, it would be beneficial to start with habits.

Each of us has our own pace of life, and this rhythm can also be seen as a habit of life. Now, with the recent change in your status from being single to being in a relationship, we must consider the impact this shift will have on your daily routine. Let's first discuss the implications of this transition. It is widely acknowledged that living alone and living with someone are two distinct states. The most evident manifestation of this difference is the need to consider the other person's feelings, address their needs, and even integrate into their social circle.

It is important to note that the establishment of new habits and mutual adjustment will require time. The disruption of the rhythm that the original poster has experienced can be understood as a process that must be experienced in order to establish a new pattern. Prior to the addition of another person, our focus was primarily on our own needs. However, with the introduction of a new partner, the considerations and challenges that arise will also increase. It is, however, a positive development to have someone with whom you share a romantic connection. This relationship will bring both gains and losses.

This requires joint efforts from both parties in the establishment and maintenance of an intimate relationship. In order to address the current challenges, it is essential to set aside time to communicate with the other party, share the current issues, and seek constructive input. Even if the other party is unable to provide immediate solutions, it is crucial to ensure they are aware of the situation and strive for their understanding and support.

Ultimately, we must accept that some things are beyond our control and allow them to evolve in ways that differ from our initial plans. The key is to identify and resolve issues while allowing for gradual change.

Hello!

You seem to be going from being single to being in a relationship. This can cause changes in how you think and act. Don't worry, this is normal. Many people feel the same at important turning points in their lives.

Hugs!

I'll share my views based on my experience.

The "adaptation level theory" in psychology says that people adapt to their environment.

You were used to a regular, fulfilling life as a single person. Now, with a new partner, things are different. It's like suddenly being in an unfamiliar place from a familiar environment. It takes time to adapt.

Moreover, psychologist Carl Rogers said people tend to pursue self-improvement. When you were single, you improved your abilities and sense of worth through self-management, learning, and exercise.

Now, you may feel like you're not growing as much as you used to.

This change is not bad. It is a new start in your life. Being with a partner is a process of learning and growing together.

You can explore new ways of life together and face challenges together. This will deepen your relationship and give you new skills.

It takes time and effort to adapt to change. Talk with your partner about your feelings and thoughts to find a lifestyle that suits you.

Keep your independence and personal space, and keep doing things that make you happy.

Life is a journey. Enjoy it, face changes, and keep moving forward.

The world and I love you!

Dear questioner, Hello! I'm doing well.

It seems like your life has changed a lot recently, from living alone to having a girlfriend to keep you company. It really does take some time to get used to and adjust to.

You've shown you can manage your life well on your own, striking the right balance between study, exercise, and entertainment. This demonstrates that you're a person who sets high standards for themselves and knows how to take care of themselves.

Now that you have a girlfriend, you may feel like your life has taken on a different rhythm, which is totally normal. After all, when two people get together, they need to adapt and accommodate to each other.

As for the feeling that you've become vulnerable and your social skills have deteriorated, this may not be the case. It's likely that you're feeling more emotionally dependent and concerned. Distinguishing between facts and feelings may help you to clear up any doubts you may have.

Ending your single status is also a form of growth. It represents another step forward in your emotional development, and you learn how to interact with, communicate with, and understand another person.

In a relationship, you'll face all kinds of situations and problems. These experiences will help you grow and become more mature and rational. You'll also become more appreciative and grateful.

Finally, you can think about what you want from the relationship. What do you hope to get out of it?

How do you plan to manage and maintain the relationship? How do you want to balance your romantic and personal lives?

Don't be afraid to embrace change.

Hello, my name is Tongyan, and I'm so happy to be here with you!

It's totally understandable to feel a bit uncomfortable after ending your four-year single life and finding a girlfriend. It's natural to feel like your social and thinking skills are at a different pace than before. It's totally normal to worry that you'll become less socially adept and inflexible as a result.

From what you've told me, it seems like maintaining excellence is really important to you.

I could tell that you noticed a slight change in your social and thinking skills after you got a girlfriend. It's so great that your girlfriend is nice and motivated!

I'd love to know what it means to you to be good, motivated, and nice.

I'd love to know how you define the described self-improvement and sociability.

It's so true that when our surroundings change, our needs often change too!

When you're by yourself, you might find yourself socializing more to feel fulfilled. These activities can be a great way to satisfy your need for self-worth and connection with others.

And when you have a girlfriend, your need for self-worth and connection with others may be more easily satisfied. As a young child, you may no longer need to spend more time and energy to satisfy this part of your needs.

It's possible that this is related to a feeling that your abilities have deteriorated, but it could also be that your needs are being met more easily or that the way you satisfy these needs has changed.

And this change may feel a little strange to you at first. It's totally normal to feel a bit insecure when we face change, and it's natural to worry a little.

As your relationship grows and your lives become more concrete and detailed, I'm sure these concerns of yours will slowly disappear.

At the same time, you can also try to be aware of this kind of worry in you. It's totally normal to have these thoughts! Just try to figure out where they come from and what you're really worried about.

It's totally normal to feel a little worried after falling in love. We all worry sometimes! But are you worried that you won't be good enough? Or is this worry in a sense a kind of self-denial, or a sense of unworthiness for a happy and secure life?

I think this is something you should really look into.

At the same time, you mentioned that after falling in love, you felt that your desire to socialize was not as strong, and at the same time, the sense of joy from chatting with relatives and friends was not as strong, and your thinking was not as fast. This made you begin to doubt whether your abilities in various aspects had declined.

It's very likely that this is also a self-confirming bias on your part. It's possible that deep down in your subconscious, you have a rejection of intimacy.

Or could it be fear or dread?

I think what you mentioned might just be what you want to prove to yourself. It's totally normal to have these feelings and experiences, even if they're not 100% true.

It might be helpful to think about what kind of person you want to be when you're with your girlfriend and what kind of person you want your girlfriend to be. It's also worth thinking about what feelings you get when you interact with each other.

I'd love to know what emotions you're experiencing right now. Have you felt these emotions and feelings before during your upbringing?

Is this your first intimate relationship? We'd love to know how you understand and perceive intimacy!

You can learn more about and discover what actually happens in the interaction of a relationship. It's a great way to gain more insight!

You might also enjoy reading some books about intimacy. I would recommend "Intimates" by Roland Miller and "Intimacy" by Christoph Menges.

Wishing you all the best!

Hello, question asker. I'm Evan, a counselor who specializes in relationship issues.

From the questioner's description, it's clear that they're confused. In an intimate relationship, you have to make concessions and adapt. You need to decide if this relationship is what you need and if you're willing to break with your old life and adapt to this relationship.

You have found a sensible and motivated girlfriend, which is a wonderful thing. However, it does take time and effort to adapt to the changes in a new relationship, especially if you are already used to living independently. When it comes to intimate relationships, you must reflect on what you are looking for and whether you are getting it. If so, I will give you some simple suggestions to help you cope with the current situation.

Embrace change. It's a natural part of life, especially when you enter a new stage of a relationship. Don't fear change. Embrace it and believe that this relationship will bring you more growth and happiness.

It is essential to understand whether our values align with those of our partner and to maintain an open and tolerant attitude towards the impact of the relationship on our lives.

Communication is key. Talk to your girlfriend about your feelings and concerns. Let her know you're adjusting to the change and how you want to maintain your personal space and independence.

It is essential to set boundaries in order to maintain your personal space and time. At the same time, you must listen to her thoughts and feelings and work together to find a balance.

Keep up with your personal interests. You can continue your studies, exercise, and recreational activities. These activities help you maintain your physical and mental health, maintain your identity, and reduce your overdependence on your partner.

You must ensure you have enough personal time to continue your previous hobbies and activities. You should also invite her to participate in some activities together to enhance your mutual understanding and rapport.

It is important to continue to develop and improve your social skills, even though you now have a partner. Encourage each other to participate in social activities, either individually or as a couple.

This will help you maintain your social skills and expand your circle of friends. Join social activities or interest groups to meet new people and broaden your social circle.

This will improve your social skills and help you find more support and happiness outside of your relationship.

Adjust your mindset. Don't worry about becoming vulnerable or losing your social skills. These feelings may be temporary, and as you adapt to your new life and grow, you will regain your confidence and vitality.

You must also learn to accept your own imperfections and vulnerabilities as part of growing up. It is important to recognize that changes in relationships are normal and that it will take time to adjust to them.

Don't expect everything to go back to the way it was immediately. Find a new balance instead.

You must develop independence. Even in a romantic relationship, you must maintain a degree of independence. This helps you preserve your identity and makes your relationship healthier.

You must set reasonable boundaries in a relationship. This helps you maintain a sense of personal independence and space, while also making the relationship healthier and more stable.

Set boundaries with your partner. Make sure you both understand and respect each other's needs.

Seek support. If you feel overwhelmed or unable to cope with these changes on your own, get help. Talk to friends, family, or a professional counselor. They can offer a different perspective and advice to help you better cope with the challenges at hand.

Finally, I want to be clear that relationships can bring new opportunities for fun and growth. Stay positive and open to the new rhythm of life. Give yourself time and patience to adjust to the changes.

Everyone's adaptation process is different. It is crucial to maintain a positive attitude and an open mind to embrace this new stage in life.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the original poster.

I also recommend the following books:

The Art of Loving – Erich Fromm: This book is an authoritative guide to understanding the nature of love and how to maintain personal growth in relationships.

You simply must read How to Be Alone by John T. Cacioppo. It discusses the importance of being alone and how to enjoy personal time without feeling lonely.

The Relationship Cure – John Gottman: The renowned psychologist Gottman provides effective strategies for improving relationships and communication skills.

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. This book is an essential guide for understanding how to set and maintain healthy boundaries in relationships.

Show vulnerability. It's the key to deep connections. That's the message of Brené Brown's Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen R. Covey – provides a set of principles to help people succeed in their personal and professional lives.

Read Emotional Independence: How to Successfully Navigate Love and Life by Lisa Nickles. This book teaches you how to maintain your personal identity while building healthy relationships.

The Psychology of Love: Robert J. Sternberg and others provide a definitive exploration of the psychology of love, including its types, stages, and how to maintain balance in a relationship.