After marriage, my husband doesn't take the initiative to do household chores, and I feel unequal, what should I do?

Dear question asker, I am honored to have the opportunity to answer your question.

First of all, I can sense that you have invested a great deal of effort into your marriage. At the same time, your husband's reluctance to take on household chores has led you to feel a bit unfairly treated and somewhat aggrieved. Allow me to share my somewhat immature opinion on the matter:

You might consider complimenting him.

From the original poster's description, it seems that her husband was willing to take on household chores on his own initiative in the early days of their marriage.

If we could express our gratitude for his actions or convey our feelings of joy, gratitude, and love, it might enhance his sense of satisfaction and enable him to maintain his household output skills.

It would be beneficial to provide timely positive feedback and praise when the other person does a good job. This can help to instill a sense of accomplishment and motivation to continue.

It would be beneficial to communicate our views on housework to our partner in a constructive manner.

While occasional pouting and sulking may be effective, it is possible that it may lose its effect if used too frequently. It may therefore be helpful to consider alternative, more effective ways and methods to achieve our goal.

It might be helpful to consider communicating our inner views on housework to the other party or expressing our feelings about this incident.

If the other person does not accept your point of view, you might consider using this as an opportunity to discuss with your husband what is really on his mind. This could be a way to resolve the problem more constructively. It's also important to remember that discussions should be kept respectful and focused on the issue at hand. It's not helpful to bring personal feelings into the conversation. We should all try to listen and understand each other's perspectives. It's also important to recognize that we can't always expect one party to obey and the other to not. The goal is to find a solution that works for everyone. Negotiating is a skill that can be learned and improved with practice.

It might be helpful to consider the value of positive attention.

It may be helpful to focus more on your husband's bright spots, describe them to him, and tell him that you see his strengths and efforts. This could also encourage him to act in a more positive way, perhaps without even realizing it.

The above are only my personal opinions. I hope the questioner will soon find a way out of the predicament.

It appears that this issue is not uncommon in many families. The manner in which you interact with each other does not align with the traditional roles of a husband and wife, but rather resembles that of a parent monitoring their child.

If a wife desires that her husband perform a specific action, he is unlikely to comply. At best, he may attempt to placate her and revert to his previous habits. The husband's reluctance to engage in domestic tasks is not driven by a genuine desire to contribute, but rather by a sense of obligation to satisfy his wife's expectations.

Is this the outcome you desire?

If one were to engage in domestic tasks with the intention of pleasing one's partner, would one be content? Currently, one performs such tasks, yet feels that they are not done for one's own benefit, but rather for the benefit of both partners. Consequently, one experiences distress when one believes that one's partner should be doing certain tasks but is not.

One's emotions are a function of unmet expectations and unfulfilled needs. At the same time, there is a constant demand for control over the actions of one's partner. It is therefore necessary to reflect on these issues.

It is crucial to ascertain one's genuine aspirations from a marital partnership. Is contentment derived merely from the performance of domestic tasks such as washing dishes and cooking?

It would be beneficial to ascertain what expectations you have. Are you fully cognizant of them?

2. What is your role in this relationship, and do your actions align with that role? What behaviors and verbal expressions are appropriate for a wife?

If the roles are not clearly defined, it will affect the way in which communication occurs.

3. Is your current approach to marital life analogous to that of your family of origin? And is this the manner of interaction you find most agreeable?

In the event that this is not the case, what modifications could be implemented?

Good day.

It is evident that you experience a high level of dissatisfaction when you and your husband engage in disagreements pertaining to the unequal distribution of household chores.

It is accurate to conclude that both the husband and wife are employed and therefore share the responsibility of maintaining the household when they return home, which can be a considerable undertaking.

The family is a unified team, and household chores are tasks that each member is responsible for. If one person's contribution is less, the other person's contribution must necessarily be greater.

In the long term, you will experience a lack of balance, physical exhaustion, and a sense of unfairness.

I am curious about why your husband ceased doing the housework after initially volunteering to do it. Was it due to fatigue from work, or because he did not complete the housework adequately to gain recognition and encouragement from his family? Sometimes when you ask your husband to do the housework, he becomes angry and stops, and instead engages in leisure activities on his phone. Does this indicate that he believes he is not required to do the housework, or that he is not obliged to do it?

It is evident that there is a discrepancy in the objectives of both parties with regard to the division of responsibilities within the household. It is therefore recommended that a meeting be convened at the earliest convenience to discuss the following items:

Please define the level of cleanliness you both expect in the home.

Please describe your view of a reasonable division of household chores.

In the event that one party is experiencing a special situation, such as fatigue or a lack of time, how should this be addressed?

In the event that neither party is willing or able to perform the requisite housework, it may be possible to hire a part-time worker to assist with this task.

Please continue.

The aforementioned questions are merely illustrative. You are at liberty to discuss your respective concerns and reservations, and to reach a mutually agreeable resolution. It is essential to communicate your requirements to each other in a forthright manner.

If you can take this step and try to communicate with your husband in a different way than you have in the past, I believe you can also apply this same approach to other areas of your life.

I am prepared to be here with you, observing you as you strive to create a happy life.

There has been a disagreement.

Hello, I get where you're coming from!

First, I want to ask if you knew before marriage that your husband didn't like doing housework. Did you notice that this was how he was at your in-laws' house, with them doing the housework or just the mother-in-law doing it all?

If the answer is yes, it seems like he's not at fault. He's just living a normal life, the same way he's always done.

Secondly, did you do the housework at your parents' house, and did your parents do most of the housework, or did your father do more of it? If so, you're not wrong, and you're leading a normal life.

Once more, marriage requires time to settle in, and you haven't had enough time to do so. You've been married for over a year, but only spend weekends together.

So, take a moment to think about this: How long have you been living together after getting married? Getting along with each other is not about letting one person do whatever they want. It's about being able to accept the other person's irrationalities.

People are people, and things are things. At some point, it's easier to solve problems than to solve people.

For instance, the housework you mentioned—he can do it, or if he doesn't, you can do it. You can also hire a cleaner or buy a dishwasher. There are always plenty of solutions. But if you take it out on someone because of something, there's no solution. The person will always be there, and it will upset you whenever you see or think about it.

Even if you come out on top, the losses outweigh the gains.

Finally, let's talk about the problem of imbalance. One party feels like they've contributed more, while the other party doesn't even know how to make it up to them and acts like nothing happened. This way of thinking is a misunderstanding. If you just limit it to doing the dishes and cooking, almost everyone will be on your side. But life is not just about doing the dishes and cooking.

There are so many things that are important. Chances are, you chose this person because of a specific characteristic you like. It probably isn't that he does the dishes well. If it were just the dishes, a dishwasher would probably be more appropriate.

Now, those characteristics are still there, but marriage often ignores them. Do you think there's a problem like this?

I hope this way of thinking is helpful for you, and I wish you well!

Hello, I can see you're confused, so I'm here to help.

I see you're having a bit of a rough patch in your marriage, so I'm sending you a warm hug to help you through it.

I remember that during the Spring Festival this year, Mr. Sun Quanhang put out a series of videos on getting your husband to do the housework.

Mr. Sun said that when a wife asks her husband to do the housework, she shouldn't use an imperative tone, otherwise it can make the relationship between them unequal.

He also said that after doing housework, husbands want their wives to give them some positive feedback and encouragement. Otherwise, there's a good chance they won't do it next time.

I think the next time you ask your husband to do housework, you can use the tips from Mr. Sun that I mentioned earlier.

From my experience, it seems that husbands don't like being treated like servants without compensation. If you want your husband to share the housework, you can try using a more polite tone of voice.

If your husband finds washing up a chore, you can work out a solution together. One option is to buy a dishwasher and install it in your home, which would make washing up much easier.

In short, there are always more solutions than problems!

I really hope you can find a solution to the problem you're having soon.

That's all I can think of at the moment.

I hope my answers above are helpful and inspiring to you, young lady. I'm the answer, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love what we do and we love you. Best wishes!