Age is like a five-finger mountain. Work and objects are urgent at the same time, but what's the use?

Everyone has the potential to be a beacon, whether asking questions or answering them. Through words, we can share our insights and experiences with others, and this is the energy we can collectively harness.

Hello, I am Fei Yun, a heart exploration coach. I can sense your anxiety. It seems you are facing a number of challenges, including pressure to get married at an older age, an unstable job, exam stress, and relationship problems. It's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed.

It is fortunate that you have the opportunity to calm your thoughts when you take some time to yourself. I admire your ability to do so.

In this era of uncertainty, it is important to maintain a sense of inner peace and to develop an independent, thoughtful perspective.

In this Internet age, it's understandable that there might be some anxiety. Parents may have concerns about their children when they fall in love at a young age, when they are old, and when they want to have a DINK (Double Income No Kids) lifestyle. It's natural for them to hear the gossip from others, too.

I believe that an article once titled "Your Peers Are Abandoning You" caused a great deal of anxiety for many people.

And my dear, you are also facing pressure to get married at an older age. Even if your parents don't say anything about it, it's possible that you may feel some pressure to do so yourself.

Times have changed. In the past, people placed great importance on marrying later in life and having fewer children. They also emphasized the importance of raising their children well. Now, even the policy on having three children has been relaxed. People's attitudes towards marriage have also changed significantly, and there is even a large group of people who do not marry.

I would like to suggest that this pressure may not necessarily come from the outside or from others, but perhaps from within ourselves. It is possible that you may feel that you must get married, have a stable and decent job, and like each other in order to be an eligible marriage partner.

These "musts" are what you believe you should be, but when you encounter reality—being an older unmarried person, having no stable job, and facing the pressure of exams—you may find it challenging to accept these circumstances calmly. This can lead to internal conflict.

It's understandable that you're thinking about these things a lot. After all, we all have limited energy, and it's not always easy to live in the moment and do more meaningful things.

2. It might be helpful to identify the main contradiction of the problem and try to solve it first.

One possible way to deal with anxiety is to try to live in the present, as this is where actions are taken.

You have a number of options to consider, such as preparing for the exam with peace of mind. As you mentioned, once the exam is over, the job will be settled. With a stable job, it will be easier to introduce yourself when dating or meeting someone, and the marriage matter will also be settled.

If you could find a way to focus your mind amidst the myriad of tasks and concerns that occupy your attention, you may find that the solutions to the problems you face will become apparent.

You might like to consider cultivating your ability to meditate and connect with yourself by listening to meditation music. You may also find it helpful to write freely. When you feel emotional, you may find it beneficial to write down what you are thinking and feeling at that time. This can be a good process of dialogue with yourself, and it can also calm your restless heart.

Good wine needs time to mature, and a true love needs the right person to wait patiently. Perhaps it's best to take one's time.

It might be helpful to consider that your indecision between the two options could be a result of your heart not yet being at peace, and that you may not yet have fully recognized the arrival of love. Before getting married, it could be an option to explore a love affair.

You might find it helpful to use this time to relax and have fun while preparing for the exam. It's also possible that you may meet your ideal partner during this period. It's worth noting that love often arises from practice, rather than from thinking or judging.

Perhaps the most important thing is to adjust your mindset. It might be helpful to sort out the important issues in your life stage and complete them one by one.

I hope the above is helpful to you, and I hope it helps the world too. I love you.

If you would like to continue our dialogue, you are welcome to click on the "Find a coach" link, which you will find in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

I get it. Choosing a career and a spouse are two big decisions. They're the two most important things you'll do in life. Making the right choice will affect the rest of your life.

You're at a crossroads in life. Choose wisely, and your efforts will be twice as effective. Choose poorly, and your efforts will be half as effective, or even lead you in the wrong direction.

Since this is such an important matter, you can't afford to rush into a decision. Good food is never in a hurry, especially when it comes to marriage.

You need to think more, see more, and learn from the experiences of others. The pitfalls that others have fallen into are your stepping stones.

Also, don't let other people's opinions define you. Think about what you like and what you want to pursue. A successful life isn't about doing what everyone else is doing.

Instead, you should live your life according to your own wishes.

When looking for a job, it's important to think about:

1. Know yourself. You've got to figure out if you're more about self-fulfillment or stability and security.

Different life pursuits lead to different types of work. If you let someone who likes freedom and creativity join the system, they'll end up feeling restricted by security.

If you're looking for stability, then the current buzzword is what you're after. The end of the universe is the civil service exam. So, you've got to think clearly about what you want.

2. Pick an industry with room to grow.

It's not just about what's going on in the industry right now, but also what the future holds. Look for opportunities in sunrise industries, not sunset ones.

For instance, China is heading towards an aging population, which means the elderly care industry is going to be a big trend. Another example is that big health and new energy are both industries that are worth getting into.

Think about combining your profession and interests to choose a field with future development potential. It's really important to choose the right track.

3. Pick the right boss. Ordinary folks should look for a growing enterprise.

The system of a growing enterprise isn't perfect, and a lot of things fall on one person, which is really tiring and challenging. But it's a great way to train people and let them grow fast, giving regular folks a chance to make a difference. Joining a growing star enterprise is like being launched into space by a rocket. Even if there's no seat on it, the person will grow as fast as a rocket.

In 2005, Baidu went public on the Nasdaq, and everyone in the front office made a million. It's way more important to choose the right boss than to join a big company with no room to grow.

When looking for a partner, you need to think about:

What are your own needs? Do you need someone who can take care of the home and children, or do you need someone to go through the challenges of survival together?

If you're looking for a caring partner with a gentle and nurturing personality, you'll want to focus on that. If you're looking for a partner who can support you financially and help you succeed in your career, you'll want to prioritize that. Different life plans and different personality types have different needs when it comes to partners.

2. Be the best you can be. That's the only way to find a high-quality partner.

I think the reason why men and women of the right age are single is probably because the person you like doesn't like you, and the person who likes you doesn't like you. It's just that everyone is looking for a quality partner.

It's human nature to want the best. As Charlie Munger said, the best way to own something is to make yourself worthy of it.

The best way to find a high-quality partner is to become one yourself.

3. The three views are in line with each other.

You can be in a hurry to find a job, but you need to think carefully about what kind of job you want. You can't be in a hurry to find a partner. You need to know yourself, your emotional needs, and your values. That way, you'll know the path you want to take and where you want to go.

Then, make sure the other person is headed in the same direction. Otherwise, if your goals are different, the family you form together won't be able to work together effectively.

It's best to find a partner who shares your values.

Wishing you the best!

My name is Gu Yi. I am modest and self-effacing, and I am the same person I have always been.

Let's talk about work and marriage.

❀These past few years have been difficult for everyone, and we have not yet adjusted to them. At the moment, we still habitually use the past as a yardstick when evaluating whether a job is good or bad. This is precisely why we have an obsession with decent work and good work, and this obsession makes us constantly self-doubt.

Absolutely. Let's also be blind.

Understand your work. Can the job you have always pursued solve your basic needs and provide stability? Can it also give you a sense of happiness and fulfillment? If you can find this feeling and emotion in a job, you'll solve many of your problems.

❀Don't let anxiety about age and panic about having children cloud your judgment. When you're faced with so many potential partners, you lose sight of your original intentions. When we seek love with a certain purpose, the emotional foundation itself is not pure. Take your time when looking for the person you want to spend your life with. Meet and feel.

About planning:

Starting a family and establishing a career are life issues that we all have to deal with. There is no right or wrong answer to the question of whether to start a family or establish a career first. There is no such thing as a standard answer, so you should choose what suits you best. If you meet the love of your life first, you can get married first; if you meet your career first, you can pursue it first.

❀It's just that girls only have a few years to forge a career. After a child is born, our entire focus will be adjusted. So don't worry too much now. Enjoy being single while you can, and when you want a family, find someone you can spend your life with. Just keep working and keep improving during this time.

❀Don't let the comments and standards of society and the outside world overwhelm you and make you lose your bearings. You know what's best for you, so don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Choose a path that suits you and be responsible for yourself. At the end of the day, you live your life, and you should be happy with your choices.

Best regards,

Dear Questioner,

At a certain stage in life, contemplating age and work can induce a certain degree of anxiety.

I empathize with your sentiments and am gratified to discuss them with you. I hope this will be a source of solace and motivation for you.

1. Prioritize and attempt to concentrate on a single objective for a designated period.

It is futile to experience anxiety regarding both one's occupational and romantic relationships.

This is because there is a discrepancy between one's ideal state and reality, which can give rise to feelings of anxiety.

You have already established your priorities, which include the prioritization of your work.

I am in full agreement with your position.

A more stable employment situation will afford the individual greater peace of mind and facilitate the development of a more intimate relationship.

It would be prudent to allow yourself a little more time. Given that hasty action is unlikely to be productive, it would be more beneficial to focus on what you can realistically achieve in the immediate term.

Conversely, it may also serve to assuage some of the more persistent reservations one may have about a prospective romantic partner.

It is also imperative to engage in clear and reasoned reflection prior to taking action.

2. It is essential to clarify one's own needs in intimate relationships.

In the context of age-related issues, there is a tendency to desire a more expeditious pace.

Such impulsivity can result in hasty decisions or a lack of clarity regarding the underlying motivation for such urgency.

Have you ever conceived of an idealized version of your romantic life?

For example, one might posit that:

One should endeavor to identify a suitable partner, express one's romantic feelings in a bold and romantic manner, and demonstrate a willingness to collaborate.

This is a product of our imagination, not a reflection of reality.

It is important to recognize that there may be instances when the individual you are interested in does not currently demonstrate any interest in you.

Alternatively, one may feel that the match is not optimal, yet maintain a positive outlook.

In the context of real-life interactions, this phenomenon is frequently observed.

This is the reason why there is such a prevalence of apprehension.

One advantage of blind dates is the ability to discuss various conditions; however, the emotional foundation is relatively weak.

One can ascertain whether they are willing to expend the requisite effort to secure the affection of a person they hold in high regard.

To avoid subsequent regret.

Furthermore, one can gain additional insight into potential compatible matches.

It is not always straightforward to ascertain whether a potential partner is suitable for a long-term relationship without first meeting them in person.

Additionally, the attitude of the other person is a significant factor to consider.

Despite the existence of factors such as the pressure to have children, it is advisable to avoid hasty decisions.

3. Cultivate the identity you aspire to embody.

From a certain perspective, our impatience and small sense of satisfaction with the status quo can be seen as indications that the present moment offers an opportunity for personal growth.

Please describe the impact of your work on your personal life.

What are your expectations from your professional endeavors?

Please describe your views on a lower salary and stability.

To what extent do the opinions of others influence your own?

The nature of career views is inherently dynamic, subject to change over time.

Historically, the civil service examination was not a popular option for many individuals. However, recent trends indicate a shift towards greater interest in this examination. This illustrates the dynamic nature of the employment landscape and the evolving preferences of job seekers.

It is imperative that you ascertain the answer to this question for yourself.

It is never too late to pursue self-improvement.

The current salary level does not necessarily indicate future prospects.

Alternatively, how might one live a better life under the current conditions?

This concept also applies to the institution of marriage.

The ideal partner is a state of being that can only be attained by becoming the ideal partner for oneself.

We are emotionally stable, possess self-understanding, and believe in our own value. Furthermore, we can learn to understand each other, which increases the likelihood of finding the love we desire.

It is recommended that you take your time.

It is recommended that you take your time.

The current distress can also be viewed as an opportunity for personal growth.

It is acknowledged that these feelings may not be comfortable.

Should you be interested, you may wish to peruse The Terrific Me.

I wish you the utmost success!

The questioner's statements indicate a lack of clarity regarding their own conception. This is evidenced by the inconsistencies observed in their communication style and the contradictions present in their descriptions of the person they are dating and the person they like.

Good day, question asker.

A review of the provided text indicates that the individual in question appears to be experiencing a sense of isolation and struggle throughout the narrative.

The individual in question appears to be experiencing difficulties in their professional and social lives, as well as in their search for a sense of purpose. It seems that there is a strong need to have a sense of certainty and stability in one place, in order to start living and establish a sense of meaning.

Indeed, the questioner displays exemplary logical thinking, demonstrating a unique approach to problem-solving.

Furthermore, it is a comprehensive account.

The text does not provide sufficient information to enable a response.

Nevertheless, despite this logical thinking, the questioner has been unable to establish a coherent conception of themselves. As evidenced in the aforementioned text, there is a conflict between the person they are dating and the person they like.

Additionally, there are inconsistencies in the way the subject communicates with others.

The questioner's statements indicate a lack of clarity regarding their own identity and conception of self. This is evidenced by the inconsistencies and contradictions observed in their communication style and interpersonal interactions.

Firstly, within the context of the workplace, the questioner's description evinces a preconceived notion of "the other person" and "everyone" with regard to work or a career. It is pervasive within this milieu that such a pursuit is perceived as an unorthodox or unsuitable avenue of endeavour.

However, the respondent wishes to suggest that this may not always be the case.

It is undeniable that some individuals adhere to stereotypes pertaining to professions, which often result in judgments based on an individual's occupational status.

However, this is not universally applicable. Secondly, how can an individual's character, cognitive processes, habits, worldview, and values be explained by a single occupation?

Individuals who are calm, cheerful, or funny possess distinctive charms.

The question remains as to whether the aforementioned factors can be explained by a single occupation.

Furthermore, the relationship aspect is also a factor to consider. Indeed, this aspect is related to the aforementioned conflict points in one's career.

Human beings are shaped by their relationships with others and the experiences they have within these relationships. Everything we possess, including our knowledge, skills, and abilities, can be traced back to these relationships.

It is challenging to discern a relationship based on the available information.

It is hoped that the other person will take the initiative. There is a preference for people who are dull, and the ability to read their minds is not possessed.

This is a consequence of the lack of interaction in the relationship. However, there are two aspects to consider.

It is not uncommon to experience feelings of powerlessness. These feelings are not a result of personal shortcomings.

The question thus arises as to whether this is indeed the case.

It is not that no relationship exists; rather, it is that the individual in question has rejected it.

The rationale is elucidated in the subsequent text. Despite the presence of a relationship in this context, it appears to lack a sense of purpose and is perceived as tedious.

One might be forgiven for questioning whether this is indeed the case.

Does not such an action signify recognition?

Are these relationships truly devoid of interest? Or is it that one cannot obtain what one desires directly from them, or that one feels only fulfilled when one gains it from that individual who is difficult to obtain?

The inability to obtain the desired outcome results in frustration, which in turn hinders one's ability to fully comprehend the underlying emotional state.

The question thus arises as to whether this is indeed the case.

One might inquire whether there are aspects of those who interact with us that we can learn from and apply to the relationships we seek to cultivate. Is it possible to achieve this by taking a different approach?

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether those who wish to interact with you utilize factors such as occupation and age to form judgments about you.

Is it possible to achieve breakthroughs with the individuals with whom we interact?

The aforementioned analysis was provided by the respondent.

The question is whether it is possible to achieve a breakthrough with the people with whom one interacts.

Best wishes for success.

The respondent is also of the opinion that you are worthy of esteem, and thus, it would be advisable to maintain a cheerful demeanor.

Good day.

The host:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I am a heart exploration coach. I have carefully read the post and can discern the anxiety you are experiencing from the content. I also note that you have courageously expressed your distress and sought assistance, which will undoubtedly assist you in better understanding and recognizing yourself, and thus adjusting yourself.

Subsequently, I will present my observations and thoughts from the aforementioned post, which may assist the original poster in examining the matter from a more diverse perspective.

1. What is the rationale behind your decision to go on a blind date?

In the original post, the author observed that the individual in question had mentioned their upcoming blind date and expressed the belief that engaging in the activity to the best of their abilities and focusing on their work would be a more meaningful use of their time than attending a potentially unfulfilling social engagement.

Upon reading this information, it is evident that the author's sentiments are understood. However, the objective of this discourse is to elucidate the rationale behind the decision to embark on a blind date.

There is a story about this girl. She felt that she was getting old, and that all her friends and peers were married. As a result, she became anxious and decided to go on a blind date. However, she often felt that she did not perform well enough, and that she was too critical of the other person, which ultimately led to her failure on every occasion. She subsequently sought the advice of a counselor.

The teacher posited that one might be able to set aside the issue of leaving one's current state of singledom and instead focus on identifying the type of relationship one desires.

The girl inquired as to the nature of the connection. Initially, she perceived being single as an issue, leading her to adopt a "problem-solving mindset" (being influenced by external factors due to the prevalence of single individuals in her social circle).

Furthermore, when contemplating the nature of intimacy one desires, it is essential to first identify one's own needs and then devise strategies to fulfill them. This process of discernment and action is, in fact, an exercise in creative thinking, driven by internal forces. Therefore, with regard to the original poster, who mentioned their age, it is crucial to ascertain the type of thinking they are employing to navigate their intimate relationship at this juncture.

2. Prioritize the present moment.

In the aforementioned post, the author notes that the individual in question perceives age as a metaphorical mountain of five fingers, and that they are simultaneously experiencing pressure from their professional and personal lives. However, the author questions the rationale behind this perception, suggesting that it may be indicative of anxiety and helplessness.

The situation is urgent yet ultimately futile, causing a sense of internal distress. In such circumstances, what recourse is available to address these concerns?

It seems reasonable to suggest that an effective approach would be to focus on the present.

It is important to explore what can be done for oneself in the present moment. By focusing on the present moment and taking action, anxiety can be reduced.

With regard to anxiety, it has been observed that the more one dwells on the condition, the more debilitating it becomes. Conversely, engaging in action and focusing on the present may serve to mitigate the impact of anxiety.

Furthermore, in the absence of anxiety, there is no need to engage in a futile internal struggle. This frees up mental and physical resources that can be redirected towards pursuing one's own interests.

3. Trade-offs

As the host, you have expressed feelings of anxiety regarding your professional obligations and your partner. This is a common concern among individuals striving to reconcile the demands of family and career. It is often challenging to achieve equilibrium in these two domains due to the inherent limitations of human energy and the difficulty in considering all aspects simultaneously.

It is possible that some trade-offs may be made at this time.

It would be beneficial to consider which aspects are of greatest importance at this time and to direct the majority of one's energy towards these. This focus may assist in achieving a resolution to the current equilibrium.

It is my hope that these ideas will prove to be of some assistance and inspiration to you.

Good day. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

From your description, it is evident that you experience anxiety regarding several aspects, including work, age, and marriage. Additionally, it is apparent that you prioritize certain goals over others. However, you express uncertainty about this approach. Let us address these concerns and discuss them in detail.

At the outset, you indicated that you were "undecided about your career and mainly focused on exams." This prompted the identification of two potential avenues for consideration:

a. What qualifications are required to obtain the position currently held?

b. What is the estimated time required to prepare for this examination?

Your description tends to be "exam > marriage." Therefore, it would be beneficial to first transform the direction of "exam" into these two questions. Once you have formulated your own responses, it is likely that the anxiety you currently experience in this aspect of your plan will dissipate.

Subsequently, you referenced the examination: "Attainment of gainful employment bestows tranquility of mind and a reliable income. I am not motivated by the pursuit of wealth."

Such temporary employment, which is merely sufficient to subsist, is incompatible with my circumstances. It is a source of embarrassment to present myself to others as unemployed.

From this sentence, it can be surmised that your career provides a sense of belonging. However, it is evident that there is room for improvement in the way you present your career to others. Despite the low income, you are exerting effort to secure a more suitable position.

You stated, "Age is akin to a substantial burden, akin to a mountain, that a monkey must traverse while jumping about." I am grateful for this vivid description, which allowed me to swiftly perceive your distress.

It is not uncommon for individuals to contemplate the potential for an intimate relationship and the possibility of having children as they age. This can give rise to feelings of anxiety about future family planning. As previously discussed, there are numerous constraints at both the subjective and objective levels that influence our thoughts and actions. In the context of relationships, there is a growing emphasis on achieving a balance between emotional and rational considerations. Currently, compatibility is given greater weight than factors such as income level and possession of material assets.

In regard to concerns about age, intimacy, and the possibility of having children, it may be beneficial to consider a shift in perspective.

As one ages, one's social experience will continue to expand, affording the opportunity to attract new relationships and maintain existing ones. Additionally, one will gain the capacity to care for oneself at any stage of life.

A healing intimate relationship must be one that lasts a long time and allows both partners to grow together. While it may be a relatively late occurrence, it is nevertheless a common phenomenon.

In regard to the matter of having children, I proffer eight words of counsel: be true to yourself and go with the flow.

It is my intuitive assessment that this is the extent of the information I can provide. You are a partner with a clear plan for your future, yet you lack confidence in the process of achieving it.

It is my hope that my insights and contributions can assist you in developing the confidence you require.

I encourage you to maintain your current level of effort and to prioritize your own well-being.