Always worried about others' opinions, lack of confidence, how can it be improved?

My friend,

First, we must feel our hearts. These involuntary comparisons undoubtedly stem from a fear of loss.

Take problems with ex-girlfriends, for example. We compare involuntarily because we worry that if we're not as good as his ex, we'll lose his love and our relationship won't be stable.

We are afraid that we are not good enough in his eyes. We hope to get an answer through comparison. Let's see if these comparisons work.

We judge others based on our own perceptions. We feel that she is different from me, and we draw conclusions about her strengths and weaknesses based on our own views. But what we really worry about is how he will judge. He is the one making the assessment, so there will undoubtedly be bias.

If we judge with the public eye, it is wrong. He needs to find the right other half, not a public lover. This comparison is meaningless.

Second, we already know that comparing is stressful and pointless, but we can't help but compare. We need to stop this. What should we do?

It's simple. We stop and evaluate. This is how we grow. If we don't overthink it, we can keep moving forward. We stop looking back and look to the future. What will I do for you tomorrow?

We will do whatever it takes for you. And for ourselves.

Everything will develop in a better direction.

When we look back, we see only faults. When we look forward, we see only hope.

It will be better.

Bali

It's normal to care what others think and lack confidence. This is a psychological state that exists in everyone.

We care about what others think and can't always be confident. Think about it: when someone does things their own way, will they be rejected? When someone is confident, will we think they're crazy?

We care about what others think. I know I don't look as good as her, but I can learn how to put on makeup. I just need to be prettier than I was.

I have weak communication skills. I can choose a sales job for six months to improve them.

I know there's a gap between us, but I can't bridge it.

I know I'm ugly, but I can't do makeup.

What if I can't bridge the gap?

While you lack confidence, she feels inferior when she sees you. It's just that her reasons are different from yours.

You must believe that others envy you too.

Your boyfriend chose you because you have advantages over his ex.

She's prettier than you, but her flaws are hidden.

Everyone has shortcomings. There's no need to compare our flaws with others' strengths.

You're not perfect, and neither are they.

Focus on your strengths.

You read a book today, and 90% of people around you have never read it.

You went on a trip today. 90% of people have never seen the beautiful scenery you saw.

You ran three kilometers today. Many people can't even last a kilometer.

You are better than you think. While you envy others, you are also unattainable to them.

Hello! Let's start with a warm hug.

You may feel an internal inferiority and a lack of self-acceptance and confidence.

If you have low self-esteem and don't accept yourself, you'll project your feelings onto others. You'll think they don't accept you either. You'll become extra sensitive, pay attention to their opinions, and get hurt easily.

Be aware of what you need behind these jealous emotions caused by your internal inferiority and lack of confidence. For example, you need to be affirmed, supported, recognized, accepted, encouraged, needed, and welcomed.

You can do this yourself.

You need to learn to accept yourself, build self-confidence, and overcome your inferiority complexes.

Make a list of your strengths. Write down at least 10 of them on a piece of paper, and for each strength, describe a specific event that you have personally experienced.

You must learn to see the bright spots and strengths in yourself. Don't define or evaluate yourself based on what you have done. Just compare yourself to your old self.

Keep a gratitude journal in your daily life to record your daily progress and growth. Cultivate more interests and passions in your life so that you can control more and more things.

Psychology has taught me that it is crucial to understand not only the what but also the why. When you understand the why, you will have the inner strength to make changes. In other words, you need to understand where your lack of confidence stems from. It actually originates from the way you were raised. Perhaps your parents consistently motivated you through rejection, criticism, and comparisons. No matter how hard you tried and how well you did, as long as your parents were dissatisfied, everything you did was worthless in their eyes. This indifference planted the seeds of inferiority and lack of confidence in your young heart.

The reason why parents treat you this way is not because you are not good enough or have done something wrong. It is because parents may also be unloved children who were brought up in this way. Think about it.

I am Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. The world and I love you.

Hello, dear. I can feel your low self-esteem. You pay attention to what others think of you, and even a glance can make you doubt yourself.

Let's give you a hug and talk about the problem you're having. This is about self-worth.

Let's look at the problem that's troubling you. This is about self-worth.

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Self-worth is the foundation of mental health. Many mental problems are related to self-worth.

Self-worth is the foundation of mental health. Many psychological problems relate to self-worth.

If you want to improve your life, you can refer to my article "The root cause of psychological problems is..."

If you want to improve your life, you can refer to my article on the root cause of psychological problems.

If you want to improve your life, you need to understand the root cause of psychological problems.

?

Let's look at the relationship between "sense of security" and "self-worth."

Let's look at the link between feeling secure and feeling worthy.

Security is a feeling of confidence and safety. It is a feeling of strength or weakness in dealing with possible dangers. Security can be enhanced both externally and internally.

When you feel secure, you can live in the moment.

Security is the need for stability and safety. It is a feeling of confidence and freedom from fear and anxiety.

Security is a feeling of foreboding about possible dangers and a feeling of strength or weakness in dealing with them.

This feeling is often expressed as certainty or control.

It can be enhanced both inside and outside.

External: things like a good social security system, wealth, or power.

People with a high sense of self-worth believe in themselves and are confident about the future.

A person with a high sense of self-worth can live a carefree and stylish life without external affirmation.

People with high self-worth feel secure.

Self-worth is how you see yourself.

People with a strong sense of self-worth want to improve themselves and do good.

People with low self-esteem are like glass people. They worry about what others think and find it hard to get along with others.

A person's self-worth depends on their family and how they were raised.

People with low self-worth are unhappy.

Psychological nutrition can make up for innate deficiencies and can also be used for postnatal care. Psychology can improve your life if you're willing.

There are two ways to improve self-worth:

1. Restore your energy.

You can use hypnosis and family reconstruction to address past issues.

We can't change what happened in the past, but we can change how we remember it. When we change how we remember it, we change how we feel about it and how we see ourselves.

2. Post-acquired conditioning:

Value yourself.

I hope this helps. I love you.

Click "Find a coach" in the top right or bottom to keep talking.

Click "Find a coach" in the top right or bottom to keep talking. I'll keep talking with you one-on-one.

Greetings, topic author. It is akin to beholding a face when one beholds a word.

The path to success is paved with unknown effort and hard work. It is a futile exercise to constantly compare oneself to others in an attempt to achieve satisfaction.

Alternatively, one may find oneself engaged in a conflict between self-assurance and self-doubt. It is possible that one may observe individuals of a similar age enjoying a more stimulating existence, which may subsequently lead to feelings of discontentment with one's own circumstances.

However, as the adage goes, each individual is the best judge of their own circumstances. You did, after all, bring up the topic of appearance anxiety.

I would like to engage in a discussion on this topic with you.

Firstly, one's outward appearance is a reflection of one's inner self. Therefore, it is essential to cultivate both inner and outer beauty to become an elegant and beautiful person.

An individual's outward appearance can be modified over time. One's physical presentation is influenced by the manner in which one presents oneself through one's attire and verbal expressions.

Such outcomes can be achieved through dedicated effort and perseverance.

"Every radiant female figure you observe in the crowd has arrived at this point through great effort. You appear relaxed and at ease, as though traversing a level surface. Consequently, it is unlikely that you will achieve any notable success."

In order to obtain the desired outcome, it is necessary to invest the requisite resources. Once the investment has been made, it is essential to develop the resilience to persevere in the face of challenges.

Since a decision has been made to enter into a relationship with one's current partner, it is essential to cultivate mutual understanding and avoid comparing the new relationship to past experiences. Given that the previous relationship has come to an end and the current partner has chosen to pursue a relationship with the individual in question, it is crucial to believe that the individual in question holds positive regard for them.

Otherwise, it will result in conflict.

③A sense of confidence can enhance one's appearance. It is not necessary to be overly concerned with the opinions of others. As individuals, we possess distinctive characteristics and attributes. It is essential to embrace one's unique identity and strive for personal growth.

It is my sincere hope that your life will be filled with joy and happiness.

Hello, I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

You're right. A lot of people feel the same way. I used to feel the same way, too, so I looked into why and how to fix it. I found that it has to do with our upbringing and our genetics, but we can make changes to make our inner selves more and more stable.

I've put together a few tips that I think you'll find helpful.

Let's talk about comparison.

It's also true that the closer someone is to us, like our best friend, the more likely we are to compare ourselves to them. Comparison can make us feel jealous of some people and contemptuous of others.

It's true that without comparison, there's no harm.

Once we start comparing, we'll realize we're not as good as others in many ways, which will make us feel inferior. Plus, when we look at others, we tend to focus on their strengths and ignore their weaknesses, which makes us feel worse.

Sometimes, they even constantly compare the advantages of others with their own disadvantages. This kind of comparison can really make them feel inferior and anxious.

Have you noticed that many children are very happy? They're happy because they don't compare themselves to others.

They know they have their own strengths and that others have their own good qualities. They don't see a contradiction between their own strengths and those of others. They can enjoy the praise others give them and at the same time applaud the good qualities of others.

So why is it that when we become adults, most of us lose this ability? When we see others succeed, we don't necessarily cheer for them, and sometimes we even feel jealous or inferior.

This phenomenon is actually pretty complex and can't be explained simply because people are complex. Plus, differences in living environments and experiences during growth affect many of our behaviors and thoughts.

1. Human nature has a kind side that's willing to applaud others without discrimination.

Children are willing to applaud others because there's a kind part of human nature. When we praise and applaud others, our bodies secrete dopamine, which makes us feel happy.

So, genes encourage us to appreciate and help each other, which is good for our evolution. We all have our own flaws, and we need to work with others to overcome difficulties and defeat the beast...

2. Human nature also has a competitive side to it.

Darwin's theory of evolution suggests that the fittest survive. It seems that if we don't compete and compare, we'll be eliminated.

As we get older, we see that there's a lot of competition and comparison in the real world. We often go along with the flow and feel anxious about it. When we see others doing well, we feel inadequate and even threatened.

This is normal, but the good news is that we can make better choices.

I hope we can all stop comparing ourselves to others and just be the best we can be.

It's fair to say that we adults can get pretty wound up about the whole comparison thing. It's only natural to feel a bit inferior when we see what others are doing well, and it can be tough to give others a pat on the back.

But if we can let go of comparisons and focus on his strengths, that's what matters. He's good at this, but I'm not bad either. I have my own strengths too.

My good things aren't gone just because of his good things.

So, I am who I am, with my own strengths, and she is who she is, with her own shining points.

We all have our own mission when we enter this world. It's up to us to find our place and enjoy the journey of life in our own position, shining our own light and cheering for the bright lives of others!

In fact, we can gain a better understanding of ourselves through this "jealousy" that comes after comparison.

Maybe it's because we grew up in a family where our parents always compared us to others. We're often afraid of others being better than us and of not being approved by our parents.

Jealousy actually shows what you want out of life. You can see what kind of person you want to become through jealousy.

If you're feeling jealous, take a moment to think about what you envy about the person you're envious of. Odds are, that's what you want to have.

You can also use this method to identify whether you're jealous of more than one person. When you list the traits you admire in these individuals, you'll likely find that they have similar traits, which means that trait is what you want to have.

So, you'll see that your jealousy isn't really about other people. It's about some shortcomings you have that are reflected in other people.

Don't be afraid and don't try to get rid of it right away. Just feel it.

Then, figure out what you're missing and what you want most in your heart.

The most important thing is to take action to make up for these deficiencies and work towards the direction you want to go.

When you take action, when you feel good about yourself, and when you become the person you want to be, you'll naturally stop feeling jealous.

This will take some time, but if you believe in yourself and stick with it, you can do it. Best of luck!

Now, let's talk about building self-confidence.

Let's start by looking at why we have low self-esteem.

From a psychological standpoint, the period between the ages of 3 or 4 and 13 or 14 is when we start to form our social selves. During this time, we learn about ourselves based on how others see us. If we are constantly told by our parents, teachers, or others that we don't look good or that we have a bad personality, for example, we will gradually start to believe these negative comments and become particularly prone to self-doubt when we grow up.

We can't blame our parents and teachers, though. They have their own limitations. They form their standards and cognitive systems based on their own life experiences, living environment, and educational background. So they use these standards to measure and educate you. They may think that pointing out your shortcomings and deficiencies is beneficial to you and promotes your growth, but they don't know that it will make you form a self-denying mindset.

The past is the past, and we can't change it. We can only adjust our attitude towards it. When you know it wasn't really your fault, and your parents did their best to give you the best education they thought you needed, you have to accept it. Accept that our parents are just the way they are. They're not perfect, but we can't change them. We can change ourselves.

How can we make changes to ourselves?

The first step is to accept yourself, warts and all. Accept your own character and your own imperfections. See both your shortcomings and your strengths and values.

The first step to becoming more confident is to accept yourself.

It's important to understand that accepting yourself isn't easy, but it's something you need to keep practicing. When your inner voice is negative, you need to keep practicing acceptance. You need to recognize that you have both shortcomings and strengths, and you need to leverage your strengths to live a good life with your shortcomings.

When you accept yourself, you can live with your shortcomings, and your confidence will grow.

The truth is, most people are imperfect, but many of them are able to live well with their own shortcomings. You just need to see the complete, real, and comprehensive self, accept your own imperfections, and live a comfortable life.

The second step is to recognize your own strengths and value, and to keep a positive outlook.

We can only become more confident when we affirm ourselves and support ourselves.

If we feel something is missing inside us, we'll look for it outside ourselves. But the reality is that everything outside is unstable and beyond our control. The one thing we can control is ourselves and our own actions and thoughts.

It's a sign that we don't approve of ourselves enough when we need external recognition. We need to practice approving of ourselves and encouraging ourselves. When we approve of and support ourselves enough, we won't care so much about the approval and evaluation of others.

And when you accept and recognize yourself, others will also increasingly recognize and believe in you because you'll exude your own charm and confidence.

So, you're the source of everything. Transform yourself, and you'll transform your world.

At the same time, we need to work on our self-confidence and sense of security, and keep developing our abilities and knowledge.

Confidence comes from strength and hard work. When we become the person we want to be through our own efforts, we will become more and more confident and our hearts will become more and more steadfast.

You can set yourself goals that are just right for you and then work towards achieving them one by one. By achieving your goals over and over again, your abilities will gradually improve, your knowledge will accumulate, and your experience will become richer and richer. You will feel more and more secure, have a greater sense of control over your life, and naturally become more and more confident.

The right goals are medium-level, the kind you can reach by standing on your tiptoes. If the goal is too small, you'll feel unchallenged and bored and not bother to achieve it. If it's too big, you'll feel too much resistance and not have the confidence to achieve it. Medium-level goals are the most motivating. When we work hard to achieve these goals, we'll feel a sense of achievement and self-confidence.

For instance, if you're currently walking 4,000 steps a day, aim for 4,500–5,000 steps a day. Don't go below 4,000 or go above 10,000.

When you set goals that suit you according to your abilities, the most important thing is to stick with it. Only action can help you overcome difficulties and truly experience your own value.

Keep up the good work and give yourself a pat on the back. Believe in yourself and you'll succeed.

How should we handle other people's opinions?

We're all different, and we all have our own way of evaluating things.

If someone meets our standards, we like them, approve of them, and support them. If they don't, we dislike them, reject them, and doubt them.

It's the opposite with other people. If we meet their evaluation criteria, they'll approve of us. If we don't, they'll disapprove.

It's not so much about whether the other person recognizes you, but more about whether you match their evaluation criteria. We can't control what other people think or do. Not everyone is going to be happy with our performance, and that's okay.

Life is tough for everyone. We all have different wants and are in different positions. You don't have to live up to other people's standards or force others to live up to yours. You don't have to seek others' understanding and approval in everything.

So, there's no need to sacrifice yourself to gain other people's approval or to maintain relationships. It doesn't matter if you're liked or disliked because there will always be people who like you and people who don't. The important thing is to accept yourself as you are.

We don't live to please other people. If we keep seeking other people's approval and caring about what they think, we'll end up living other people's lives. If we hope too much to be recognized by others, we'll live our lives according to other people's expectations and lose our true selves. This will cause problems because it's not the life you really want.

You need to take the right to evaluate yourself back into your own hands. You can treat yourself as someone else and evaluate yourself comprehensively, objectively, and truthfully. This will help you understand yourself better and know yourself well enough. You'll also know what you want, and at this time, other people's opinions won't matter as much.

When you stop worrying about what other people think and start living your true self, you'll find that your relationships have actually improved. Those "bad relationships" that you've replaced by pleasing others and suppressing your own needs will no longer haunt you.

I hope this is useful for you. Best regards,

Hello,

It's been a while. I'm lucky to be able to discuss self-confidence and comparison with you.

You've never been confident since childhood. You compare yourself to others. You'll compare your boyfriend to his ex-girlfriend. You feel inferior to others. You feel anxious when you see many pretty girls on the Internet. You feel inferior to others. You always care about what other people think. How can you improve?

Let's talk about how to stop worrying about other people's stares.

Other people don't care about you.

It's not about what other people think of you. It's about how much you care about what they think.

Not many people are paying attention to you or have an opinion about you.

What other people think of you doesn't matter much. You are concerned about what other people think of you because you are afraid of what it will do to you.

If you don't care what others think, they won't matter. If you're worried about being bullied or excluded, you're letting them matter too much.

It's about courage. When others harm you, it's not about what others think. You have to defend your rights and resist bullies.

The opposite of caring too much about what others think is not caring at all. It's rejecting what others think.

You matter more than anyone else. Other people don't matter.

In our society, we are taught to be helpful and considerate of others. We are discouraged from considering, expressing, and satisfying our own needs.

Children who are too sensible are often unhappy when they grow up. If you don't satisfy your own desires, you'll never be happy.

To be happy, you must put your needs first.

If you think about others too much, you'll forget what you want.

If you keep trying to please others, you'll keep suffering.

Do you want to be selfish or suffer?

Put yourself first. Don't sacrifice yourself to please others.

Many people can't or won't express their needs. This causes great suffering. They get angry when someone hurts them, but they can't curse, attack, or show aggression.

They're born and trained to understand other people's positions, feelings, and needs. But who understands yours, takes care of your feelings, or meets your needs?

You don't need to care about other people's thoughts and feelings. You say that society has many rules that influence you and that others will judge you.

Other people don't care about social rules and opinions.

You've put too many restrictions on yourself. You're afraid to take a step and you take other people's opinions too seriously.

Stop trying to be a better person.

What matters is what you want.

Believing you must become better, more outstanding, and more successful causes suffering and unhappiness.

The whole world tells you to work hard and become better. You start to hate yourself and reject yourself.

You start to deny yourself, chase after society's standards, and cater to others' opinions. You become anxious, driven by your dissatisfaction and the need to move forward. You think that achieving those goals will make you relax, reach the end, and be complete.

But this moment never comes. You are constantly anxious. You become impatient, feeling that you must reach that end point as soon as possible. Only by reaching that end point can you stop feeling so anxious. This impatience and anxiety will make you impetuous, and you will find that you are getting further and further away from those goals.

You make progress when you accept yourself and meet your needs.

You won't be anxious or rushed. You'll relax and do things at your own pace.

Become yourself, not "excellent or outstanding."

Self-actualization is the meaning of life.

Let's talk about comparing.

We compare because we don't see our own bright spots. We focus on others' strengths or weaknesses, losing ourselves and doubting ourselves. This is not helpful.

Think about what you can change, not what others can do. Getting what you want might be painful.

The more twists and turns in the process of self-improvement, the more surprises. It's worth looking forward to. Studying others won't help.

It will make us more uneasy. Focus on your feelings.

What other people do is their business. There are no other people outside, only ourselves.

When we focus on ourselves, we won't be tired. We won't always live up to other people's expectations.

Be yourself.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes. One mind, one world, and I love you.