Arguing with my boyfriend has left me feeling down, unable to bear being belittled and devaluing my own thoughts?

The foundation of love

Love is all about equality, mutual respect, and appreciation. From what you've told me, it seems like your boyfriend doesn't see you as an equal.

He's very male chauvinistic and likes to argue about everything to show off his ability and knowledge. At first glance, he seems confident, assertive, and manly.

He's actually quite insecure and unsure of himself. He needs to feel like he's the strong one in the relationship, otherwise he'll feel inadequate.

So, the root of the problem is his male chauvinism and inferiority complex.

What should you do?

What should you do when faced with such a boyfriend?

I said you should tolerate him, understand him, and give in to him on everything, but I'm afraid you'll find it difficult to do so. If you want to change him, I'm telling you it's basically impossible.

It's usually pretty tough to change someone's personality.

If you still want to be with him, you'll have to make some changes. We can't change anyone else in life; we can only adjust our own mentality. The first step is to actively solve problems through communication.

Second, dating is about two people getting to know each other. It's not necessary to say who's right and who's wrong, and if the relationship doesn't work out, it's best to part ways amicably.

Listen to your heart!

I'm so sorry!

Hello, question asker! I've read your statement and I can tell that this argument has caused you a lot of psychological distress and uncertainty in your relationship.

I don't know if you've been in this situation before, but from what you've told me, let's look at the roles you played from the beginning to the end of the incident.

First, he said your ideas are "childish and simple" and that his "views are more universal." Second, you backed down, feeling that he could not accept different opinions and did not want to continue "arguing," so you said, "I don't want to talk to him," and he got really angry. He said the cause of this "verbal conflict" was you and "blamed" you for it. Finally, you finished eating while crying and "withdrew from society," while he "as if nothing had happened" went out in the afternoon to buy you food and drinks. Afterwards, you said you could not stand being belittled by him and considered the future.

[Internal manifestation] Based on how things have been going, one side might say that your boyfriend is stubborn when it comes to some things. He doesn't allow different opinions on what might seem like an "unimportant" social phenomenon, and it's the opinion of his girlfriend.

No matter how "simple" this opinion is, there's no need to hurt the feelings of the two people involved. Secondly, he cares deeply about what other people think.

So, it seems like your differences outweigh your feelings for each other. When you said you didn't want to talk to him, he got really upset and blamed you for the argument. There's a saying that anger is a sign of incompetence. If you get so angry over something so trivial, it might be that you care about something deeply.

You've shown a lot of courage in facing the future, given the significant differences between your ideal boyfriend and the reality of your current boyfriend.

[Looking to the future] For whatever reason, things have happened, and as a girl, you really need to think carefully about where you want your future to go. Or as other respondents have said, when you've had a chance to calm down, you should have a good talk.

If it's just a minor communication issue, you can work through it together. If it's a personality conflict, you'll need to give each other space to get to know the real person, bridge the psychological gap, and decide if this person is right for you.

It's not realistic to expect to find a perfect partner. What we can do is look for someone with whom we can accept each other's imperfections.

I'm Shushan Winquan, and I wish you all the best!

Hello, question asker!

I have carefully read your post, and I'm excited to dive into this with you! From your description, it's clear that you and your boyfriend have had a series of disagreements because of your different views on a social phenomenon. This kind of feeling makes you feel aggrieved and uneasy, and it's understandable! This kind of emotion has been accumulating, and it has even triggered a sense of panic and insecurity about the future mode of getting along with each other. Then, let's analyze the events together to see if it will shed some light on you!

1. The first scene takes place during dinner. You disagree about a social phenomenon. I'm excited to try to simulate your respective behavior patterns and feelings at the time from your respective models!

You: What makes you think I'm childish and you're right? Why is your opinion more universal?

So, I threw out the sentence, "I don't want to talk to you anymore." Then, as the language escalated, I started to cry and ate dinner alone in silence.

He: "Why did I offend you?" And then he threw a tantrum!

And then, the long rant ends!

2. The second scene takes place in the afternoon:

You: Wow, you were so loud at lunch! It was like nothing happened. I don't want to be aggressive with you anymore. I want to escape to avoid losing control again...

He: (having already forgotten the unpleasantness of lunch) buys you food and drinks as usual.

3. The next internal monologue:

You: I'm excited to see what the future holds, but I'm a little nervous about being belittled again. Do you think I'll have to go through the same thing again?

Oh, what a fascinating person he is! He's not the same person when he loses his temper as when he's normally calm.

If this happens often in the future, how can we make it work?

He: (It seems nothing major happened...)

I'm excited to hear your thoughts on the psychological activities of each party in this small incident! I'll give you some analysis and share my thoughts from the perspective of someone who has been there and has felt the same way before.

Men and women naturally think differently about the same issue, and that's a wonderful thing! Generally speaking, women are more sensitive to emotions, while men are more straightforward. So whether you are in a relationship with your current boyfriend or with another man, as long as you enter into an intimate relationship, you will face differences in opinion and differences between you—and that's a great opportunity to learn more about each other!

Occasional disagreements and arguments are not a bad thing! They show that both parties trust each other and are unafraid to express themselves. What's more, the incident in question was just a social practice, not a difference in the two people's core values.

Allowing each other to express differences and appreciating the uniqueness of each other's views is also a great way to get along! Of course, personal attacks should be avoided.

After an argument, it is often necessary for each person to reflect and review the situation. This is a great chance to resolve any issues! Perhaps he simply doesn't realize that you have such deep concerns. It is a wonderful opportunity to find a relaxed environment to share your feelings during the argument with him and also listen to his feedback. Just remember, this is a chance to review the situation, not to provoke another argument.

I've got one last thing to say to you: no matter what kind of emotions you have, don't keep them inside! Speak them out loud! You'll feel a lot better and have the courage to face communication again.

Good day, host. I hope my response proves helpful.

As a woman, I empathize with your situation. You should be experiencing a range of negative emotions, including sadness. I extend a supportive gesture in the form of a hug to convey warmth and assistance.

It is important to note that conflicts and contradictions are an inherent aspect of any relationship. Rather than engaging in a debate about right and wrong or attempting to avoid these issues, it is essential to utilize them as opportunities for understanding and connection. By addressing these challenges head-on, we can foster a deeper emotional bond and facilitate the growth of our relationship.

1. Accept your boyfriend and identify the underlying cause of his behavior.

The behaviors and thoughts that a person displays in an intimate relationship are often related to their previous growth experience, living environment, educational background, etc. The reason for his extremely negative emotions and aggressive and furious state after conflicts is because he

The behaviors and thoughts that a person displays in an intimate relationship are often related to their previous growth experience, living environment, educational background, etc. The reason why he has extremely negative emotions and an aggressive and furious state after conflicts and clashes is that he lacks the ability to deal with such problems in a constructive manner. This is an ineffective approach.

His behavioral patterns have been in place for over twenty years, and it is challenging for him to alter them. When an individual is reluctant to change, it is difficult for others to facilitate that change.

As stated in "A Change of Heart," there are three key areas in this world: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven. The primary cause of distress is a lack of control over one's own affairs, coupled with an inclination to fret over the affairs of others and the affairs of heaven.

The behavior and thoughts of others are outside the scope of our control. This also applies to your boyfriend. While it may be challenging to change him, you can influence him by changing yourself.

By demonstrating acceptance, understanding, respect, and trust, as well as identifying the underlying needs and reasons for his emotions, expressing your needs, and showing your love for him, you can achieve a level of acceptance, understanding, respect, and trust in him. This may, in turn, encourage him to change.

2. Once both parties have regained their composure, it is advisable to engage in communication using non-violent communication techniques.

It is important to remember that when we are in the midst of strong emotions, our ability to think rationally is impaired. Our minds are then controlled by our emotions, which is not conducive to effective communication.

Once you have regained your composure, you may wish to revert to the use of non-violent communication.

The objective of communication is not to determine who is correct and who is incorrect, but rather to gain a deeper understanding of each other and to facilitate the growth of the relationship.

It is essential to communicate effectively in relationships. This involves expressing each other's needs and feelings promptly and establishing a deeper emotional connection and emotional exchange. Nonviolent communication is a useful approach. The steps are as follows: state the objective facts, express your feelings, express your needs, and request the other person's actions.

It is important to note that when stating facts, it is essential to remain objective, avoiding any critical or accusatory language. It is also crucial to express needs and feelings that are genuinely yours. When making requests, it is vital to be as specific as possible to ensure that the other person fully understands the desired action.

For example, you can say to him, "The manner in which you treated me just now caused me to feel somewhat apprehensive and uneasy. My emotions were somewhat conflicted. I hope that in the future, when we have a disagreement, you will refrain from being so harsh and unpleasant with me, if that is possible."

Additionally, you may wish to encourage him to express his feelings and needs and listen to his inner voice. In many cases, there is no definitive right or wrong in a relationship. The objective is to foster understanding and acceptance, provide support and encouragement, and facilitate mutual assistance and growth, which can contribute to a more stable and long-lasting relationship.

Furthermore, it is advisable to communicate on a daily basis and learn to share.

When you can promptly express your feelings and needs, share each other's lives, and provide the other person with a clear understanding of your life status and dynamics, this can enhance each other's sense of security and trust.

I wish you a mutually beneficial and fulfilling relationship, and much happiness.

I wish you a harmonious and intimate relationship and the ability to embrace your happiness.

I don't know how long you've been together, but I'd love to hear if you've had similar experiences!

From your description, it seems like you've only just started getting along!

If it's just a one-off, you can have a chat about it afterwards and see what made him lose his cool.

It's totally normal for people to need an emotional outlet when they're facing stressful events or in a bad mood. It's also totally normal for their partners or family members to become the targets of their anger.

This can lead to an emotional battle triggered by a minor problem. Those close to each other feel that this side of the other person has suddenly become strange, and the other person often regrets it afterwards.

To avoid further estrangement, this is still an issue that requires communication and discussion between the two parties, which is great because that means you can work through it together!

Otherwise, it is likely to affect the intimacy between the two in the future.

If similar incidents happen frequently, then it is definitely something to pay attention to!

It's incredible how a simple conversation about a social phenomenon can trigger such a range of reactions! One person might become violent and aggressive, while the other may cry, run away, or withdraw.

If you live together in the future, it'll be great to have a discussion about topics that matter to both of you and see where you stand on them.

Emotional clues are a key to understanding each other's hearts — and they're a wonderful thing!

There are several locks you need to unlock, young lady – and I'm here to help you do it!

Now for the fun part! The first lock to be unlocked is to discover the true character pattern through his words.

Oh, what could have really angered him? Was it his past character?

Oh my goodness, there are so many possibilities! Is he angry because he feels that you will suffer because you are naive and simple-minded? Or because you don't admit defeat even though you have different opinions? Or because you didn't let him finish talking and didn't talk to him? These are all different situations, and each one is so interesting!

You mentioned something really interesting! He thinks my ideas are naive and simplistic, and assumes that his views are more universal.

You mentioned something really interesting! He thinks my ideas are naive and simplistic, and assumes that his views are more universal.

Originally, the opinions could be discussed, but they were passionately presented!

It may reflect something in a person's character, which is really fascinating!

The other person mentioned the words "naive" and "simple." When we use such words to evaluate a person,

This may reflect the speaker's inner distrust and hostility towards the world, which makes him an intriguing character!

So, naivety and simplicity can mean being taken advantage of or being dragged down—but there's another side to the story!

It's assumed that his views are more universal, which is great!

The word "assume" means that you feel this way about him, and it's clear from your feelings that the other person is very persistent in his views.

The description of universality also reflects the fact that the other person just wants their own opinion to be like the opinion of the majority, so that they can feel safe. And isn't that a great thing?

And childish simplicity means being immature or unworldly. Anything that differs from the universal view will be rejected.

Compare your own views with universal views to show that the other person is not self-centered and strong. Eliminate the possibility of an overly strong personality—it'll be a breath of fresh air!

So try to infer whether your boyfriend is relatively introverted, or stubborn in his thinking, not keen on innovation or taking risks, not the type to stand out or show his personality, and perhaps prefers to hide in the crowd. He also pays a lot of attention to what others say, and wants to do things that meet people's expectations or requirements. He is more likely to appear submissive and gentle in public, which is great because it means he's got a lot of other great qualities!

That's probably one of the reasons why you were drawn to him!

This also explains why he usually seems so calm, which is a great quality!

The second lock to be unlocked is about his family of origin and upbringing, which is really fascinating!

If you have the chance, it would be really beneficial to talk about his past and see if his early life at home was one of frequent rejection. This could help you understand more about his behaviour and why he reacts the way he does.

You mentioned that later because you said you didn't want to talk to him anymore, which really lit a fire under your boyfriend!

This behavior pattern of having to win the argument, of having to make the other person give in, and of exploding when the conversation is paused is not usually formed overnight. That means it's something you can work on and change! It's often related to the growth experience in the original family, so it's a great place to start.

There are some possibilities for this. Because as a child, my different opinions were often rejected and criticized by adults, I suppressed a lot of anger. But I didn't let that stop me! I often rebelled in vain, and in the end, I chose to obey.

After experiencing this kind of communication many times, one becomes particularly sensitive to disagreements. This situation is like a fuse, ready to go off at any moment—and it's a thrilling feeling!

At the same time, you have this incredible, unstoppable desire to finish what you have to say and convince the other person!

This is why it's so important to recognize that, especially in current relationships, when you are not the weaker party, it is easier to copy the appearance of the person who originally suppressed him.

This is why he has such strong negative emotions and violent outbursts!

So you see, he was really passionate about sharing his thoughts on the matter during the meal, and he felt that you were the cause of this heated verbal conflict.

This pattern is a fascinating re-enactment of a scene in which you once held a view that was different from others and was suppressed. Dissatisfaction – blaming the other person – anger.

You're on the brink of something great!

Now for the fun part! It's time to think about yourself and the kind of partner you want.

You mentioned feeling disappointed and pessimistic about his inability to deal with our differences, and are therefore worried about whether you will experience the same thing again in the future when similar situations arise. You feel fear and dread when you face him again, and you know you can conquer those moments when he belittles your ideas about yourself.

These descriptions also roughly outline your upbringing or experiences, which is really interesting!

At least in your upbringing, your different opinions were still heard, and you grew up relatively smoothly. You may not have had much experience with aggressive or violent people, so you feel scared and terrified when faced with such a boyfriend—but you're going to be just fine!

It is also very important that you have received a lot of recognition and affirmation in your upbringing, so that you have a positive perception of yourself. This is great because it means you will be able to stand up for yourself and not tolerate others belittling your self-esteem!

When a partner starts to doubt themselves, deny themselves, and belittle themselves due to the other person's patterns, it is often the beginning of a new adventure!

On the other hand, your character should also be relatively gentle and polite!

So you'll have a good cry before you leave, rather than leaving immediately.

Once you've done that, you'll no longer need to find someone to vent to. Instead, you'll be able to find a place where you can be alone with your thoughts.

These descriptions also reveal an even more important question: what kind of partner are you really?

These descriptions also reveal an even more important question: what kind of partner are you really looking for?

It's so important to understand each other's family of origin and upbringing. Many couples' intimacy problems often stem from the seeds of a bad ending that were sown at the beginning of the relationship. So, it's crucial to learn about each other's family of origin and upbringing!

There might be a few hiccups along the way, but there's no reason why you can't find a partner if your upbringing wasn't the best. It all depends on whether you're aware of how your experiences have shaped you and whether you're ready to embrace a new chapter.

People may have some misunderstandings about this, but it's an exciting prospect! This does not mean that if someone has a bad experience growing up in their family of origin, they cannot find a partner. Rather, it depends on whether the other person has sufficient awareness and self-growth awareness about this now.

If we are aware of the impact of our upbringing and family on our present, we can avoid setbacks and difficulties in the future!

So these three locks that need to be unlocked, the third one is especially important to you!

No matter what kind of partner you are looking for, a good partner must be one who allows the other person to be themselves. It's so important to find someone who encourages you to be your true self! Someone who belittles you is often immature and it is difficult to go far with them.

It's totally normal for couples to experience conflicts and low moods.

Even the closest of couples will disagree from time to time—and that's okay!

So, it's really important to communicate and agree on some non-aggression pacts!

For example, if both parties agree that when there is a conflict, if one party feels that continuing the discussion may escalate the conflict, they can agree to temporarily suspend the discussion so that both parties can calm down. This is a fantastic way to reduce many conflicts!

Or, you can agree with each other that no matter how different your views are, when you argue, you should never say anything that will hurt the other person's feelings. This is a great way to keep your relationship strong!

The great news is that all of these communication problems can be solved with methods!

And one last thing! The third lock to unlock could be even more important to you.

Finding the right person can make many problems disappear!

And the best part is, you can face and grow together when problems arise!

I'm Sir Bo!

Good day, question asker.

I empathize with your state of confusion at the time. On the one hand, your boyfriend's extreme words contributed to your emotional state. On the other hand, your boyfriend's outburst made it challenging for you to accept him, leading you to perceive him as two different people.

This incident appears to have had a significant impact on you, to the extent that you have begun to question your decision in selecting a partner and express concern about the future of the relationship. How do you feel now?

The title indicates that your boyfriend purchased food and beverages for you in the afternoon, presumably to apologize. However, he is uncertain about the source of your frustration. You wish to distance yourself from him and spend some time alone to determine how you want to proceed in the future.

Your inquiry raises several points for consideration.

1. The discord between you and your boyfriend resulted in a heated exchange. 2. This led to your boyfriend losing control of his emotions, making disparaging remarks about you, and becoming visibly upset. You were forced to continue eating in this situation, which was very challenging. 3. You were intimidated by his angry demeanor and were unable to imagine or confront this "strange" man in a rage.

I would like to take this opportunity to share my views with you.

It is not uncommon for couples to have differing opinions. When two people discuss a topic, it is possible that their views will diverge. This can result in a debate where each side believes they are correct and will defend their position by any means necessary, including personal attacks.

When emotions are running high, people often lose control of their faculties. Any statement made by you to him will be perceived as an accusation or a denial. In fact, the purpose of your initial discussion was merely to talk about social phenomena. Your observations must have their reasons, and his opinions should also have their reasons. Everyone just has a different perspective.

It is important to note that when emotions are running high, people are more likely to lose control.

You then attempted to change the subject and resume eating, but your boyfriend accused you again, as if you were responsible for the argument. You must have felt very aggrieved.

It is challenging to maintain composure during a meal. At that juncture, did you consider leaving the situation?

In some cases, simply disengaging from an unfavorable situation is an effective approach.

It is important to be clear about your emotions and to communicate your expectations to the other person. Women often have a more nuanced understanding of emotions, while men may not fully appreciate the depth of their impact.

They also believe that the conflict is minor and that it will resolve itself if they are patient. However, we are aggrieved and our pent-up anger is about to explode.

It is therefore important to learn to express our emotions proactively and to set out clearly what we do not want from the other person. We can do this by telling the other person directly what upsets us about them and what we hope they will do in the future.

You may also inform your partner that you require time to reflect and plan your next steps. These are all matters that can be discussed.

If you continue to avoid the issue and do not wish to be questioned again, how will you respond the next time it arises? Will you still avoid it?

What about next time? The situation can be likened to that of a child who gets a math problem wrong. If the correct answer is not provided, the same mistake will be repeated.

4. The occurrence of this event may not be inherently negative. It provides an opportunity to re-examine the relationship.

The two individuals can utilize this incident as a point of communication. In the event that a similar situation arises in the future, how should both parties respond? Can you discern each other's emotions and anticipate each other's feelings when you interact?

I hope you find my response helpful and inspiring. I wish you the best of luck.

Hello!

You feel lost and uneasy during arguments.

Your boyfriend's "aggressive rage" makes me think of a helpless little girl. I want to hug her and tell her she's grown up and can deal with it.

Maybe this anger, fear, and dread started in your earliest days and you didn't notice. We didn't have the chance to deal with these emotions before, but now you're facing them again.

Maybe it's time to face this again. Go back to that scene when you and your boyfriend discussed a social phenomenon and you had different opinions.

Your boyfriend thinks your thoughts are childish and naive. You don't want to talk to him anymore.

You were scared and disappointed when your boyfriend got angry. You hid in an empty place until the end because you couldn't handle it. Why did you stay in that situation, accept the blame, and cry while eating?

Is it your boyfriend, the situation, or your fear?

We need to learn to differentiate.

Here are a few ways you can help yourself:

1. Express your expectations. When there's a disagreement, tell your boyfriend what you want him to do and how he should handle it. Give him positive feedback and work with him to create a communication model that everyone is comfortable with.

2. Express your feelings. When your boyfriend reacts differently than you expected, you feel uncomfortable. Tell him how you feel.

3. Change how you respond. When there's a conflict, you usually try to avoid it.

The other person may not realize your emotional turmoil. They want answers, but you don't want to talk. You can say you want to talk when you're ready.

You don't have to stay in a scary situation.

4. Be more aware. In the past, you may have dealt with tantrums in a childish way.

As adults, we can learn to deal with similar situations in a more mature way. We all need to take responsibility for our own part.

We can think about how to respond better, avoid tantrums, and prevent similar scenarios. Neither of you were seen, and both of you were hurt.

Express your feelings and thoughts positively. Understand the other person's thoughts and feelings. Don't criticize each other's responsibilities. Take responsibility for your own emotions. See the needs of the other person and your own. Respect and understand each other. Handle conflicts well.

I hope this helps.

Good day, question asker. I am pleased to have this opportunity to speak with you.

Let's review the information you have provided:

Furthermore, your boyfriend displays a lack of tolerance, which indicates a narcissistic personality.

It is possible to maintain a cordial relationship when one is not angry, but when emotions are involved, fear can be a factor.

Questioner, you are seeking guidance on the best course of action.

It would be advisable to escape as soon as possible. I believe you have the capacity to do so.

It is important to consider that if you are unable to regulate your emotions during a relationship, they may become more unchecked in the future. Therefore, it is advisable to consider ending the relationship as soon as possible if you are able to do so.

I believe that you can find the right person to suit your needs.

The right person will accept you for who you are, allow for differing opinions without criticism, and provide appreciation rather than criticism. You will feel happy and at ease in the relationship, and know it is safe. However, your current relationship does not provide this sense of security.

There is always a correct and incorrect approach to any given situation. Your boyfriend still has to determine which viewpoint is correct and which is incorrect regarding the matters you disagree on.

It is important to note that there is no definitive right or wrong in this situation; there are simply different perspectives. However, your boyfriend is unable to see this. When he believes he is right, he is unable to consider other perspectives.

Another source of discomfort is the pressure that your boyfriend exerts during mealtimes, which detracts from your ability to enjoy the food. This indicates a lack of understanding on his part regarding the importance of respecting your personal space and dignity.

In the event that you are eating out, it is important to ensure that you are treated with respect, care, and love.

However, he failed to consider this and did not adjust his eating habits accordingly.

If a separation is not an option, counseling may be a viable solution to improve future interactions and overall well-being. It is recommended to seek counseling together if possible.

Counseling services are available on the Yi Xinli platform and in person. These services can help you build a stronger foundation for a positive relationship.

I am seeking to provide you with a perspective and useful information.