Both traditional and modern, where is the way out for the ambivalent woman?

Dear question asker, My name is Gu Daoxi, but you can call me Fengshou Skinny Donkey.

I can relate to the uncertainty expressed by the questioner. I also grappled with this challenge for an extended period.

I am grateful to my colleagues and my father for dissuading me from pursuing a traditional role as a housewife. The prevalence of unsuccessful marriages underscores the importance of striking a balance between family and work for women.

As previously stated, if you are disappointed in your partner, it is likely because you still have expectations of them. If you have no expectations, your partner is essentially a stranger in your heart, and disappointment is not a reasonable emotion to feel.

It would be advisable to shift the focus away from him and onto yourself and your children.

It has been said that there are only two things that people value the most: that which is unattainable and that which is lost. The former is akin to white moonlight, while the latter is comparable to a red birthmark.

It is important to note that the things within reach are often the most overlooked and underappreciated. There are several potential reasons for his "poor treatment" of you:

1. You care too much about or love him. Research indicates that individuals who are more deeply in love are more susceptible to experiencing hurt in a marriage. If you give too much and do not receive a response, it is easy to feel a gap.

2. You are perceived as being overly accommodating, which may result in your needs being overlooked. I once read a short story.

A man provided financial assistance to a beggar on a daily basis until one day, when the man informed the beggar that he had a romantic partner and could no longer offer financial support. In response, the beggar physically assaulted him, stating, "You have used my financial contributions to support another individual. This is an example of how a person can become so accustomed to something that they fail to recognize its value."

3. He has a distorted perception of family relationships, either not recognizing that the husband-wife relationship is the foundation of the family or being excessively accommodating. In this dynamic, individuals tend to prioritize the needs of others over their own.

4. The other party's level of importance is not aligned with your expectations, leading to a heightened sense of loss and the perception that your needs are being overlooked.

5. He believes that he is the primary source of income for the family. If you are not yet employed, he may feel that he is working hard for the family, but that you should contribute to the household in other ways. He feels that you should perform all these tasks to a high standard.

I recommend that the questioner first identify and address their own inconsistencies before attempting to resolve them. My personal advice is:

1. Schedule an in-depth conversation to express your expectations of him and your desired trajectory for the relationship. Observe his response.

2. Do not allow yourself to become a full-time homemaker in an unhappy marriage. Financial independence is a valuable asset that can be leveraged to your advantage.

Regardless of the outcome, you will have the confidence to move forward.

3. You stated that the other party lacks trust and is reluctant to disclose their salary. Additionally, they prioritize their original family over your interests. To be frank, my husband exhibits similar tendencies.

My approach is to allow each party to manage their own finances and provide care for their own parents without resorting to divorce. This is a viable solution.

4. Adjust your expectations of the other party. You have indicated that there are no gifts exchanged on special occasions, and that your requests are not aligned with his preferences.

Firstly, it is important to ascertain whether you were aware of this information about him prior to the wedding. If you were aware and still wish to proceed with the marriage, it is possible that the other aspects of the person meet your expectations. Therefore, when it comes to matters of romance, it is advisable to adopt a more tolerant approach.

It may be preferable to discover this information after marriage, rather than prior to it. If feasible, it would be more beneficial to receive the red envelope directly, as this would ensure a more positive outcome.

5. Provide less support and allow some room for personal growth and learning. In "My First Half of Life," Luo Zijun became a full-time wife as a result of her husband's infidelity, but after the marriage, she demonstrated her ability to rely on herself, which initially caused concern for Chen Junsheng.

6. It is important to maintain a sense of novelty in a marriage. Despite the depth of one's feelings for their partner, the mundane aspects of daily life can gradually erode the passion. Therefore, it is essential to foster a sense of novelty in the relationship.

7. There is no need for concern regarding the care of children in the event of divorce. As the old saying goes, a parent who loves his child will plan for the future.

If the quality of life is enhanced by following your partner's lead, you may request financial support from the man in the long term. As long as the child is aware that his parents love him, this will not cause psychological distress.

However, if parents are unable to enjoy each other's company but remain together for the sake of their children, it may instill a sense of apprehension about the future of their marriage. In such cases, it may be advisable to refrain from disclosing certain information that could potentially impact the relationship, even if it is in the best interest of the children.

8. It is essential to maintain your position and avoid being crossed by the other party, as this could have significant implications for the future.

Please consider these observations as you see fit.

I would like to extend my gratitude to the original poster for raising a dilemma that is common to contemporary women. On the one hand, women are increasingly demanding of themselves to be good mothers, wives, and daughters. On the other hand, they are also awakening and seeking to achieve self-worth.

It is challenging to achieve this without the support of a responsible husband and parents who unconditionally accept and help you. There are individuals in this world who are fortunate to have such a support system. Many successful and glamorous women have teams that support them and help them achieve their goals. However, the majority of individuals lack such a support system, including a supportive husband or parents who unconditionally accept them.

It is therefore pertinent to inquire whether there exists a means of extricating oneself from this predicament. Are we fated to remain ensnared in a quandary, or even a multiplicity of quandaries?

The respondents in the comment section offer valuable advice regarding the necessity of self-awakening and the realization of self-worth. This process requires a lowering of expectations of others. Consequently, the immediate issue at hand is whether or not to divorce. However, the underlying issue is the need to rely on oneself or on others. The "power of self" can be analyzed in two scenarios: divorce and no divorce.

Divorce often necessitates reliance on parents to assist with childcare, despite their potential lack of understanding. Following a demanding workday, one may anticipate criticism or reprimands from parents in the evening. As parents age, it is uncertain whether they will retain the capacity to assist with childcare.

The decision to remain married may entail occasional assistance from one's spouse with childcare, yet the majority of responsibilities will still fall upon the individual in question. However, the pressure from external sources, such as one's parents, society, and the integrity of one's family, will be lessened. Nevertheless, the individual will still bear the blame from their spouse, the family atmosphere is often depressing, and the individual is not happy. Facing such a spouse on a daily basis can make it challenging for the individual to have the creativity and energy to arrange their life, work, parenting, and self-growth, as they have become accustomed to dealing with negative emotions towards their spouse.

A third option exists: attempt to achieve a breakthrough within the existing framework of one's life (without initiating divorce proceedings) and adhere resolutely to one's own ideas in order to progress. This will undoubtedly be more challenging, as one must simultaneously follow one's own ideas while also managing negative emotions towards one's husband. However, if one persists, one will reap the benefits of a robust inner self and a transformed, radiant self. By that point, not only will one's children look up to one, but perhaps one's husband will also view one differently. Even if he still does not concur with one's actions, one has already attained self-acceptance, which is the most crucial outcome. One's current powerlessness and confusion stem from one's inability to achieve self-acceptance. One is not content with one's current self. One is not striving to gain the approval of one's husband, children, parents, marriage, or the opinions of others. One is striving to gain self-acceptance. If one attains self-acceptance, one has also attained acceptance of the world.

It is possible that you have read Ma Yili's story and observed how she achieved a breakthrough within the existing framework and ultimately departed from it. If you find it challenging to effect change within the existing framework, even if you choose to leave it (through divorce), you will still have to confront the resulting issues and face significant pressure. Anxiety and fear will persist unless you have developed a comprehensive worst-case plan for your post-framework situation. In the absence of such a plan, it is advisable to emulate Ma Yili's approach and facilitate a smooth transition.

Once an individual has achieved a breakthrough in themselves, the existence of the framework is no longer a determining factor. At this point, the decision-making power is within their own hands.

In conclusion, the decision between pursuing a breakthrough in oneself or in the marriage framework is based on a comprehensive assessment of factors. Nevertheless, regardless of whether the marriage framework persists, a breakthrough in oneself is always the most crucial objective.

Hi there! I just wanted to say Happy New Year! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

The truth is, you hold the answer to this question within you. When faced with the same situation, each person is willing to make a different choice because each person is willing to bear a different outcome. And this situation is not so extreme as to result in a divorce. The key is in how we choose to move forward. Do we choose to continue learning how to manage and administer our marriage, or do we let go of the marriage and have the strength to enter into life after the divorce?

So, when it comes to making the big decision about whether or not to get divorced, it's really important to think about it from your own perspective, not from the perspective of your children. After all, your children's happiness depends on your happiness. If you're not happy, your children won't be happy, no matter if they're in a two-parent family or a single-parent family. But if you're happy, your children will be happy, too, no matter if they're in a two-parent family or a single-parent family.

I really want to help you, so here's my advice:

There are lots of great courses and books out there that can help you learn about intimacy and see clearly what you need to grow in your intimate relationships. When you grow, you'll feel more comfortable in your relationships, which is a wonderful thing!

Marriage is a different kind of love. It's something that needs to be managed and maintained. If you want to accept your partner, how do you communicate effectively? How do you face conflicts and use them to enhance mutual understanding, empathy, and trust, rather than just arguing on the surface? By seeing which parts of yourself need to grow, you'll gradually feel less aggrieved and more free in the relationship. You'll also know how to work with your husband to create a harmonious family atmosphere and bring a positive influence on your children.

I'd highly recommend the books "Managing Intimate Relationships," "Intimacy," "Crucial Conversations," and "Nonviolent Communication." As you learn and grow, you'll find that the things you're currently struggling with will no longer be so troubling. When we're stuck, it just means we need to unblock ourselves through some growth and support. Learning is a wonderful way to do this, and it's also a very fast way!

2. Learn to separate issues, make choices willingly, and take responsibility for the consequences of your choices. You've got this!

In psychology, when we are faced with various interpersonal relationships and need to make a choice, it's really helpful to learn to separate issues. This just means distinguishing between our own issues and other people's issues. It's important to remember that we don't need to take on other people's issues, and we also need to take on our own issues. We can't pass our own issues onto other people. So, how do we distinguish whose issue it is?

It's actually pretty simple! The person who is directly affected by something is the one who should take responsibility for it.

For example, whether you get divorced or not, the direct consequences will be yours to bear. This is your topic, and your parents are only offering advice. Ultimately, how you decide is up to you, and you also need to bear all the consequences of your choice. If you choose to get divorced, you need to bear all the consequences of choosing to get divorced, including how to deal with your children, how to deal with all the problems after the divorce, etc. If you choose to continue this marriage, you also need to bear the corresponding consequences, which is that you will continue your current life and continue this cycle. You can actually choose to learn and grow on the basis of maintaining your current marital status, facing your current situation, and working together with your husband to manage it well, change the mode of interaction between husband and wife, and create a harmonious family atmosphere. This requires you to pay time, energy, and effort to learn and grow, but it'll all be worth it in the end!

All you need to do is figure out what's going on for you and what's going on for other people. Then, you can take responsibility for your own issues, take full responsibility for your own life, and make choices that you're happy with.

3. Learn to love yourself, take care of yourself, and make yourself happy, because you deserve it!

As I just said, my dear friend, the most important thing is that you make yourself happy, whether you get divorced or not.

As Dong Yuhui said, "Loneliness in the crowd is the most lethal of all, so be sure to find someone who shares your ideals and is in tune with you. It can be a meeting of minds, or a sudden return to find love."

We all have that one person who makes us feel like all the others are just so-so. And we've all had that experience of saying something and thinking, "Oh, this is just so repetitive." And we've all had that moment when something tastes so sweet, but then it just doesn't quite hit the spot.

The first mission of a person is to make themselves happy. And we all deserve to be happy!

How can you make your life happy? Live it to the fullest!

I know that I'll eventually lose it all, and that makes me cherish it even more. I make sure to prioritize the important things in life because there are only a few things that really matter. I care more about the people around me than I do about distant planets and grand topics. I wish you, stranger, a warm spring!

I've found that the best way to make myself happy is to love and take care of myself. I'm not talking about buying pretty clothes or eating delicious food here. What I mean is taking care of my feelings, caring for myself as I would a friend, eating nutritious and healthy things, getting enough sleep, taking care of my body, being tolerant, understanding, accepting, and respectful towards myself, nourishing myself by doing the things I like, and at all times giving myself strong and firm support, saying to myself, "Although I am not perfect, I still love and accept myself and support myself."

I hope this finds you well! I just wanted to send a little note to wish you a happy new year and to tell you that I'm thinking of you and sending all the best wishes your way.

Hello, question asker!

As I read your message, I tried to put myself in the situation you described and experience what you were trying to express. After reading it, I feel a bit conflicted. Is it like you asked at the end, to discuss "this type of woman" from a social perspective?

Or do you still talk about it from your perspective and focus on your needs? This can lead us in very different directions, so it's good to keep an open mind!

There are so many different perspectives on this! Social concepts are diverse, and it's not easy to say that traditional women are bad or have no self. Many traditional women live very happily, willing to stand behind their men and support them fully. They experience the happiness of being content to be behind the scenes. And it's not true that modern women just want to be independent and pursue themselves. There are also many modern women who are both independent and can maintain a close relationship. They are powerful in the workplace, gentle and domestic at home, capable in both the literary and martial arts. So it's impossible to say which is the best answer!

The latter is directed at you, my friend. It requires a grand perspective to pull back and see what's really going on in your life that makes you suffer. This direction requires asking yourself, "Do you need to know how other people will live?"

Or maybe you'd like to find a way to get yourself out of this current situation that's causing you pain?

It's okay to ask yourself, "How do other people live?" But remember, whether we imitate them or know the way that "other people are doing well" doesn't necessarily help us. So let's talk about it from the perspective of "getting yourself out of the current pain"...

I'd love to know what you're expressing your dissatisfaction with your partner about.

Moving from a world of two to a world of three is a big change! Psychologically speaking, it's a process of changing from a binary relationship to a ternary relationship. This change in the relationship dimension requires a lot of new abilities to maintain and nurture.

As you and your partner navigate this transition, it's natural for the intimacy between you to face some challenges. It's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and forget to take care of each other. But, when cracks appear, it's important to recognize them and address them. This might mean focusing on your relationship with your partner, or it might mean focusing on your relationship with your in-laws or household chores. It's okay to admit that you were so in love and that things have changed.

It's totally normal to feel increasingly dissatisfied with your partner. It just means there are a few hiccups in your relationship that need to be addressed and fixed. Michelle Obama, the wife of Barack Obama, mentioned in her autobiography, "Becoming," that their marriage was also in a bit of a rough patch when her husband's career development required her to step back and let him take the lead. They decided to go to a marriage counseling session to face the problems in their relationship head-on and ultimately made the choice to become a loving couple.

If you still love this family and care for each other, then it's time to face the truth about your marriage. Take a good look at it, take care of it, and fix it, my friend. ?

It's totally normal to neglect yourself a bit after becoming a mother!

One of a mother's natural instincts is to nurture life. When a new little life comes along, because of their weakness, the mother will unconsciously ignore everyone around her and focus only on the child. This can leave the husband feeling lost and neglected. If at this time an elderly person intervenes meticulously, the husband will strongly feel "a lack of existence"... The mother will also completely forget her own "existence". It's important to be aware that both of you are feeling "neglected". Feeling neglected is quite a helpless feeling. If this sense of helplessness continues, it can cause a rift in the relationship.

If this is already the case, you can start by rediscovering yourself. It's so important to regularly step out of the roles of mother, wife, daughter-in-law, and daughter to return to your own world. Ask yourself how you can make yourself happy when you are alone.

So let yourself be happy for a while, take a breath, and then come back to take on other roles. We all have so many roles in our lives, and it's important to remember that apart from our roles as mothers, wives, daughters-in-law, and daughters, we are also "ourselves." Don't lose sight of that.

What have you done over the past few years to take care of your "self"? It's time to take a little bit of that well-deserved time for yourself! If you haven't done so yet, then make some space for yourself. Happiness is your own business. Others only have the effect of making us happier. They have neither the ability nor the obligation to make us happy. Happiness is our own responsibility!

When you find yourself again, you'll see that living with you is happiness, and happiness is very attractive!

I just wanted to say congratulations!

Dear questioner, I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to say hello, that I'm thinking of you, and that I'm here for you if you ever need anything.

I can sense your disappointment with the current state of your marriage. You want to escape, but many factors in reality make it difficult to make a decision easily. Traditionally, you feel that you should give your children a complete family. Modernly, you feel that you are highly educated and independent in thought, and should be treated better, rather than being trapped in this marriage. Your body, mind, and spirit are constantly torn between these two forces, and you feel depressed, painful, and helpless.

I hope this issue can be explored together, as I believe it may be helpful.

1. Problem description

On the one hand, we often find that traditional women have made significant sacrifices for their children. Unfortunately, they may not have had the opportunity to experience a husband who treats them as well as they deserve.

In marriage, we often feel a lack of agency and unable to feel happiness, perhaps because we place too many expectations on each other. We tend to pin our hopes for marital happiness on each other: if he treats me well, I will be happy; if he doesn't, I won't be.

But my dear, don't forget that we ourselves are the foundation of our happiness. Only we know whether you are happy and whether you are doing well. Other people are just icing on the cake. It would be nice to have them, but their absence will not affect our ability to live our lives to the fullest.

While the two of you are married, it's important to remember that you are still two independent individuals. It's not realistic to expect anyone to meet all of your expectations, so it's on you to take care of yourself.

It seems that he cares more about his parents, siblings, and even relatives from his original family than about his wife and children.

It seems that there is a discrepancy in the level of importance that you and your partner place on your respective families. You feel that he places a higher value on his extended family, which has led to some level of distress. It would be beneficial for you both to discuss and find a way to balance the time and energy that he spends with your families.

He tends to be more cautious with his spending when it comes to his wife and children. It's not that he's ungenerous, but he does have a low threshold for financial risk. However, when it comes to his family and relatives, he's quite different.

I'm not sure how much he earns, but it's possible that he's overly generous with family and relatives. This could potentially lead to a situation where his wife and children have less money to spend than they would like. Given that the title doesn't provide a detailed description of his character, I'm wondering if he might be one of those who often appear to be putting on a brave face.

Since you view your family as a unit, you tend to overlook minor details like appearances. However, those who seek assistance from him, such as family members, do tend to place importance on such matters.

There seems to be a difference in financial trust. Perhaps it would be helpful to discuss your money concepts and explore ways to align them more closely. He may be seeking financial independence and may not want to be controlled by others in terms of money.

3. It might be best not to expect holiday gifts on special occasions, or if you want something he doesn't think is practical, he might not be satisfied even if he likes it very much.

It seems that the husband may lack a sense of ritual, be less interested in life, and be unsure of how to be romantic.

[4. The father's role is absent, and he seems to be less invested in the children's expenses or education. When problems arise, he tends to blame his wife. He also seems to have some concerns about certain aspects of the children's upbringing. He may not be as involved in the children's education as he could be, but he does have expectations.

As the primary caregiver for your child, you bear the brunt of their daily education and expenses. However, your husband seems reluctant to contribute financially or otherwise, which can create a sense of imbalance in the family.

[5. He doesn't tend to do much housework or cooking, and it can be challenging to get him to take on these tasks. Sometimes, he may need a gentle reminder to get started.

He doesn't seem to be very inclined to take on a more active role in sharing the housework. Even when he is assigned tasks, he may not complete them immediately. It seems that he has a tendency to procrastinate and prefers to work at his own pace.

2. How to overcome the impasse

It might be helpful to adjust your mindset and consider ways to be the master of your own happiness.

It is important to remember that regardless of whether you choose to divorce or remain married, it is essential to adjust your state of mind and view yourself as the master of your own happiness. Rather than placing your hopes for happiness in the other person, it is crucial to recognize that your happiness is not dependent on external factors. In a marriage, it is not uncommon for disappointment to arise from the discrepancy between one's expectations and the other person's performance. When expectations are met, it can lead to feelings of happiness and joy. However, when expectations are not met, it can result in feelings of sadness and disappointment.

It is possible that the behaviour of the other person may have an impact on our happiness and joy.

It might be said that if a person can give herself happiness, she will be happy with anyone, because her happiness is self-sufficient and does not depend on others. While it is undoubtedly beneficial to have someone to love and support us, it is also important to remember to love and support ourselves.

It would be beneficial to avoid complaining, adjust your mentality, and work hard to create happiness for yourself and your children.

It might be helpful to take a moment to reflect on your marriage.

No matter what your choice is, I hope you can take some time to reflect on your current marriage. It might be helpful to step outside your own perspective and examine the marriage from a third-party perspective. It can be beneficial to take a look at yourself in the marriage and him in the marriage, and see what problems exist and what your needs and each other's needs are.

It might be helpful to listen to your inner voice and follow your heart.

In your title, you mentioned that you are eager to consider alternative options for your marriage, but you are hesitant to make a decision due to your children and the pressure from your parents. For the sake of your children and parents, you are holding back from pursuing a divorce and are maintaining the marriage reluctantly.

Take a moment to embrace each other. It's important to remember that you are the main character in your marriage, and your feelings deserve to be heard.

It would be wise to make every decision from the heart, as an expression of your true inner self. When you are happy and content, your parents and children will also be happy and content.

It is important to love yourself.

It is perfectly fine to buy what you want and like as long as you can afford it. You should also feel free to do what you want as long as it is reasonable and not illegal. If your partner supports you, that is wonderful, but it is also okay if they don't.

It is important to remember that the other person and you come from different family backgrounds and have different upbringings. It is therefore normal for your values to be different. It is best not to force things, but rather to be yourself and take care of yourself.

I hope these suggestions are helpful. Wishing you the best.

Hello. I can sense the pain, helplessness, and conflict you're experiencing through your description.

From a psychological perspective, I believe it is important for women to be true to themselves, whether that means embracing traditional values or embracing modern ones.

It seems that in your marriage, you have always taken on a great deal of responsibility at home, striving to be a good wife and mother, while perhaps neglecting your own needs and feelings. It's also possible that you have experienced a lack of understanding and support from your parents. Your desire for independence and to take on the role of a mother and love your children is understandable. However, it's also important to recognize the need for understanding and support from those around you, including your parents.

It might be helpful to consider the ways in which your relationship with your parents influences your relationship with your husband. Do you think about the ways you attach to others? Could you share with your husband how you feel about the level of attention he gives you?

It seems that his heart is not in your nuclear family, and he has taken on too much responsibility in his original family. This could be a manifestation of unclear boundaries. Perhaps you could discuss with him how to adjust? How did he respond?

Could I ask if you have reached a consensus on this issue?

It would be helpful for you to be aware of these things. If the way you express yourself today is something you feel deeply in your heart and you haven't discussed it with your husband, this could be an area for you to work on. In a partner relationship, it's natural to avoid expressing yourself or to feel that expressing yourself is ineffective, which can sometimes lead to the stalling of the relationship. It's possible that you have a lot of grievances, feelings of helplessness, and anger inside.

It can be challenging to express your innermost thoughts to your parents, especially when they support the divorce and have made it clear they will not take the children. How do you navigate communication with your parents in this situation? It's understandable if it's difficult to express your innermost thoughts when you're faced with your parents' intention to establish a closer relationship for your own good and for your future well-being.

This may also be why you have always been passive, obedient, or submissive in your communication with your parents, and have found it challenging to express your needs. It is important to love yourself as well as the world and others. I encourage you to take control of your life by doing what you want to do and loving yourself. I am also willing to use my expertise to help you!

Hello, host. I can see your ambivalent feelings. You feel a little disappointed and sad inside, and you feel that you have met the wrong person. You feel that your husband doesn't love and warm you, that he is stingy with you but generous with others, that he is not romantic and doesn't want to spend money on his wife and children, and that he doesn't share the housework, basically leaving it all to you. So you really want to leave him. On the other hand, I can see that you are very independent and have high expectations for a soulmate in the future. However, in reality, the relationship between some children and their parents has put you in a bit of a dilemma.

I'm going to help you sort out your own thoughts. I'll help you clarify your state of mind.

1. First of all, there are two variables in intimate relationships: the unknown (uncertainty) and the uncontrollable (powerlessness).

It's a simple fact that the two influence each other. The more uncertain you feel, the more conflicted you will feel. If feeling powerless can be mentally debilitating, you can significantly reduce your conflicted feelings if you can change one of the variables and reduce it to close to zero.

From now on, you can't settle old scores from the past. You can make a note of it, and every day, just like keeping accounts, give your husband one point for something well done and take one point away for something bad. After a period of time, you can basically determine your feelings by looking at the score.

Secondly, men and women in intimate relationships have different positions, perspectives, upbringings, and even local cultures. We all have a moral compass in our hearts that conforms to our own standards. The words of the other party make us happy, disgusted, or even angry because they do not conform to our own standards.

These joys and annoyances, anger and so on, have nothing to do with people and events outside. They only have to do with this yardstick in our hearts. If we are happy with ourselves, we are happy. If we are not happy with ourselves, we beat others with the yardstick. Men want to face the outside world as big men. They want to give love and be very loving to relatives and parents. But in front of their wives, they act like children. They constantly ask for love and don't want to do the housework.

To manage such a male chauvinist, you must learn how to get along with them and spend time on them. They are rigid and difficult to grow, so you must be prepared for changes. The only way to handle this is to grow yourself. You are great, you know how to take care of yourself, and you also pay attention to spiritual growth. Be more tolerant and considerate of him.

Life is not a movie. If this marriage ends, you need to ask yourself: what are the chances of happiness if you remain single or remarry?

When we feel depressed, disappointed, or sad about marriage, we actually feel safe to a certain extent. When you are depressed, you don't expect too much and you're not interested in taking risks.

Don't let fear of uncertainty and the unfamiliar stand in your way. This home, your children, and the years gone by may not meet your expectations today, but they are a comfortable place to live, a space for your children to grow up in, and a place of peace for the elderly. When you are full of longing for life, you can live in the present and see how to lower your expectations and use the resources available to satisfy the deepest need in your heart for love.

4. Conflict is an anxious emotion, not a character flaw.

People who desperately want to control their lives are often devastated by anxiety symptoms. People with high anxiety often become high-performing, high-achieving, and powerful individuals who have high expectations of their lives and feel powerless when things go wrong.

Anxiety is a clear sign that something in our lives is out of balance. It can be caused by an over-future-oriented mindset or an over-controlling desire for life. The pursuit of perfection only makes things worse.

Anxiety is not a state of equilibrium. It is not something we should strive for. However, we can welcome it into our lives and then ask ourselves what we need to do to reduce our uncertainty or sense of powerlessness.

5. Create a "separation period" for yourself. During this time, indulge in separation as much as possible to remove your attachment to him.

Once the separation period is over, and there may be another separation period tomorrow, banish those thoughts of divorce from your mind. Think about the most extreme outcome, and then think about the probability of each link occurring.

You will find that many conflicts are just illusions.

Some people say that marriage is a place for spiritual cultivation. If you cultivate a calm and ordinary heart, you can find peace within yourself. First, find a way to love yourself. It doesn't matter if he doesn't love you back; just love yourself. It doesn't matter if he doesn't do the housework; just hire someone else to do it. It doesn't matter if he doesn't teach the children; just teach them the way you want. There will be no conflict.

If you detach yourself from your attachment to him, you will find that the conflict over whether to divorce or not has already been resolved.

I wish you well and hope you are happy.

Dear Question Asker,

I will provide you with a warm hug. It is evident that the OP is a meticulous and organized individual who dedicates himself fully to his family. He is profoundly disheartened by his inability to establish intimacy with his spouse and is contemplating a divorce, yet he is uncertain about the decision. This predicament can be likened to being confined in a prison with no escape, a life sentence. This is the prevalent situation among women in Chinese-style marriages: widowed parenting and a marriage based on the traditions of widowhood. Your experience is not unique.

To gain insight into the collective subconscious of China, I recommend reading "The Land of the Giant Babies" by psychologist Wu Zhihong. In Chinese families, the father is absent, with the queen mother and emperor assuming the roles of parenting. Concubines and eunuchs are responsible for raising the children. Acceptance and transformation are contingent upon understanding. By grasping this model, you can identify the necessary changes, rather than attempting to alter others.

This will help you determine whether your marriage or your own personal circumstances are impeding your progress.

"The greatest contribution to the family is the development of oneself."

From the questioner's description, it can be seen that the questioner is aware that she is over-contributing to the family. Her husband is a passive manager. His contribution to the family is minimal. When faced with a mess, he still has to spend his time and energy cleaning it up. This is the aspect of the situation that the questioner finds most challenging. Additionally, she is torn between whether or not to get a divorce. Such internal conflict is unbearable for anyone.

The questioner identified herself as a modern woman with her own independent thoughts and ideas, and she must be able to be financially independent as well. Money can be used to solve problems. The questioner can consider the conflict between an unsatisfactory marriage and developing oneself as two separate issues. Household chores can be completed by hiring a part-time worker. I am unaware of the child's age, but there are many childcare and counseling institutions in society that can assist with childcare responsibilities. It is important to prioritize self-care, commit to self-care, and allocate time and resources to yourself and your child. This approach can lead to a more fulfilling life. With a positive mindset, a fulfilling career, and ample energy, it is possible to pursue a variety of interests. It is unlikely that spending time complaining about one's role in a marriage will lead to a more satisfying life.

I suggest you read a book called "Life is What You Make It" by Maye Musk, mother of the Silicon Valley Iron Man, Elon Musk. It is her autobiography, detailing how a single mother courageously declined marriage and raised three children independently. I will share a few excerpts with you:

One significant advantage working women have in terms of their children's education is that they have limited time to spend with their children, which allows for more opportunities for their children to develop their talents. (This consideration also prompted me to re-plan my career plan.)

It is important to be proficient in requesting assistance and support from others. Asking for help is a fundamental survival skill. Requesting help is akin to developing a network and establishing trust and connections with more individuals. When confronted with significant mental pressure, it is crucial to seek professional assistance to overcome depression more rapidly and effectively, and to regain a sense of stability. In such instances, it is often beneficial to consult with a psychologist.

Despite the challenges, there is always a way forward. If the situation seems insurmountable, take the initiative to be the driving force for change.

[Raising Your Inner Child]

The questioner may be unaware, but they exhibit a strong sense of unworthiness and have high expectations of their partner. Their current situation mirrors their marriage at its inception, which was shaped by their own decisions. Psychology recognizes that how we are treated shapes our behavior. Traditionally, women give excessively, and after many years as a daughter-in-law, they gain greater influence over their families. This often manifests as accusations, judgments, and the assignment of household tasks.

These practices are counterproductive and detrimental to relationships. No one enjoys being accused, ordered around, or manipulated.

When a woman gets married, it is akin to grafting trees together. Regardless of circumstances, it is inevitable that our original family will exert influence over us. It would be beneficial for the questioner to consider whether they can identify any similarities between their original family and their own. In order to halt the intergenerational transmission of misfortune, it may be necessary to travel back in time and address the needs of our inner child. I would suggest reading a book by psychologist Cong Fei, entitled "Raising Your Inner Child." This book offers insights that can help the questioner achieve a sense of security, worthiness, and intimacy within their family.

My name is Zhang Huili, and I am a sunny dolphin. I understand the questioner's situation well, as I too used to spend one-third of the year thinking about how to get a divorce and deal with the aftermath, one-third of the year trying to change myself, and one-third of the year trying to manipulate others. However, I have since learned that the only person who can save oneself is oneself, as I discovered when I entered the platform of Yi Psychology and the hall of psychology. I hope my answer can help you, and I encourage you to go to a psychological counseling room soon and embark on the road of self-redemption.

It appears that the host is constrained by an unsatisfactory marital situation. While they express discontent with the marriage, they also perceive numerous obstacles to its dissolution.

The reasons provided for dissatisfaction are sufficient. It seems that there is no reason to remain in the marriage.

However, the specifics of the difficulties associated with divorce remain unclear. The original poster stated, "The thought of escaping from this marriage never stopped, but still, because of the children, the pressure from parents to not understand (divorce is possible, but not with children) and not knowing the way out."

It appears that you have reached the conclusion that obtaining a divorce is not a viable option due to the presence of the child. This is because your parents are not in agreement with your decision to take the child.

It appears that you are hesitant to relinquish your child.

Two questions must be addressed.

1. For the original poster, what does it signify to leave the child with the father? Why is it so challenging for you to relinquish the child?

It would be beneficial to ascertain what the child signifies to the individual in question. Does the loss of the child in the marriage signify a definitive loss of the child?

Alternatively, might there be a concern about being labelled an "abandoning mother"?

2. What constraints are placed upon you by your parents' opinions? Why is it not possible for you to take action if they do not agree?

One might inquire whether it is possible to defy these expectations or if one feels unsupported.

A sense of powerlessness and panic is often experienced when one feels unable to cope with the task of raising a child alone.

The host's description exemplifies a problem commonly faced by modern women in marriage. On the one hand, women have been afforded certain opportunities, such as the right to education and the right to work.

Nevertheless, women continue to confront a multitude of forms of gender-based discrimination, whether overt or covert. In their professional lives, they may encounter barriers to advancement, such as a glass ceiling, while in their personal lives, they may be subjected to traditional female expectations.

For example, the completion of domestic tasks and the provision of childcare appear to be regarded as inherent responsibilities.

Such advice may also be based on a traditional perspective. The assumption that women with children are a burden is a common one.

It is a challenging process to remarry.

However, psychological counseling does not address macro-level issues. A counselor is not a politician or a social activist.

The counselor's attention is directed towards the individual, taking into account their historical context, experiences, and perspectives.

The counselor serves as a conduit for the subject to recount their experiences and a receptacle for their emotions.

In discussing the challenges of your marriage, you highlighted five key areas of concern.

In the initial two rules, the subject is presented as a unified entity comprising both the mother and child, with the mother's identity becoming indistinct. It is unclear whether this is connected to the subject's mention of the challenges associated with divorce, which appears to be influenced by concerns for the child.

It appears that the desire for a divorce is being thwarted by the presence of the child. However, it is also possible that the difficulty in initiating a divorce stems from an inability to assert one's own identity and express one's own needs, which ultimately leads to an ongoing attachment to the child.

Furthermore, the manner in which the inquiries are posed exhibits a striking resemblance, with the initial two questions bearing a strong degree of correlation and shared emphasis. This gives the impression of a profound interconnection between you and your child.

However, the individual in question remains divided into two distinct entities. Indeed, it is possible for them to become a single, unified entity.

A symbolic interpretation would appear to indicate that the subject and the child are two distinct entities. It is plausible that, at an emotional level, the subject does not perceive the child as a separate individual.

Your fourth point is that you are assuming the role of the mother and highlighting the father's deficiencies. Consequently, your discontent with the marriage is also masked behind the facade of a mother.

In other words, the subject is subtly pushing the child to the forefront, which also involves the subject's relationship with the child.

It may require a period of reflection for the individual to ascertain the significance of the child in their life. It appears that the individual has unconsciously assumed the role of the child in the discourse.

It is within his purview to express discontent with his father; however, you have justifiably included your own disillusionment with the marriage in the list.

The topic of the father is indeed of great significance. It necessitates a comprehensive and detailed examination.

Lacan employs the term "the name of the father" or "the father's name" to describe this phenomenon. In this context, the father in question is not the biological father.

An alternative option is to assume one's father's surname. This process often gives rise to a number of complex issues pertaining to authority, social status, and the relevant legal framework.

Fatherhood is not acquired through birth; rather, it is achieved through parenting, introducing the child to society, gaining an identity, and occupying a position in society. For further insight, one might consider the film In the Name of the Father.

Additionally, Ang Lee has delved into the dynamics of the husband-wife relationship in a trilogy. It may be of interest to view this exploration.

This is a profoundly significant theme, and it is not exclusive to the landlord's child. It is a universal phenomenon that affects each and every individual.

Rule 3 represents your most direct appearance. On special holidays, you desire to receive gifts.

However, these desires are consistently thwarted. The individual's aspirations are not fulfilled because the other party deems them impractical.

It appears that your needs are persistently disregarded in interpersonal relationships. You frequently experience feelings of being undermined and deprived of satisfaction.

This leads to the question of what the object of desire signifies.

Furthermore, consideration is given to the underlying motivations behind the selection of gifts. What are the underlying desires that are being expressed through these gifts?

A sense of being cared for? He recalled the occasion of my birthday.

A sense of being valued? He prepares a candlelit dinner on the anniversary.

The question, then, is simply this: What do you want? Is it a sense of being loved?

Article 5, which addresses the division of household labor, is fundamentally concerned with the concept of giving.

It appears that you perceive yourself to have contributed more to the marriage, while receiving less in return.

This sentiment is analogous to Article 3, which pertains to one's aspirations and the unmet emotional and psychological requirements.

It appears that this article addresses such a topic.

In addition to the financial and social implications of divorce, there are also numerous psychological factors at play.

For a significant proportion of women, the experience of divorce represents an opportunity to develop their own identity.

In the past, a woman's identity was closely aligned with that of her husband. She was, in effect, embedded in her husband's family system.

This is the traditional aspect of marriage. Divorce entails assuming the role of an autonomous individual within society.

This may evoke a multitude of deeply entrenched anxieties. To illustrate, if one desires to cultivate an identity that is independent of one's spouse

The question thus arises as to whether she should develop an identity independent of her children. In order to answer this question, it is necessary to return to the relevant topics and to consider one's own feelings in a careful manner.

A woman's identity is shaped by her marital status and her alignment with traditional or modern gender roles. Regardless of her circumstances, she must first establish her autonomy and assert her individuality before she can gain a sense of purpose and feel loved and at peace.

The decision to pursue or avoid divorce is not the primary concern.

Hello!

From your description, it's clear that you're ready for a change in your marriage!

I've been there, so I'm happy to talk about it!

I was also extremely dissatisfied with my marriage at the time due to some family problems. But I made a decision and applied for a company dormitory, which was cheap and didn't increase my monthly expenses much. And it was the best thing I ever did!

I didn't say I was moving out right away. I said that if I really couldn't stand it anymore, I would at least have a place to get some fresh air, like I could go to the dormitory on the weekends!

My move was a bit of a shock to my husband and my in-laws, but they saw my point.

I didn't say I wanted a divorce, but I did need a buffer zone. I didn't move out either! I discussed applying for a dorm room with my husband because I was determined to do it, and he didn't try to stop me.

In your case, I wholeheartedly suggest you find a buffer zone. Don't immediately go to the situation of divorce, where both sides lose and suffer.

The great thing about human relationships is that they're always changing and evolving. If you're not happy with the way things are, you can make some positive changes that will benefit you and those around you. It's a great way to relieve some of those negative emotions!

I wish the original poster all the happiness and joy in the world!

Hello, questioner! You ask, "How can a woman who is both traditional and modern find a way out of a contradictory situation?"

Thanks for asking such a thought-provoking question. Your question is very well-phrased and may be a problem faced by many women in modern society, which you've helped everyone to raise. Let's take a look at your detailed question description together.

You say that on the one hand, there's the traditional woman. She sacrifices a lot for her children after having them, but unfortunately, she doesn't meet a husband who treats her well. Here are some characteristics to look for: 1. They care more about their parents, siblings, and even relatives from their original family than their wives and children. 2. They're not generous with their wives and children when it comes to spending money. They have low financial trust and don't even think about turning over their wages.

3. Don't expect to receive holiday gifts on special holidays, or if you want something he doesn't think is practical, he won't be satisfied even if he likes it very much. 4. The father figure is absent, basically not caring about child expenses or education. If something goes wrong, it's the wife's problem. Anything that doesn't conform to his ideas will be picked apart. He basically doesn't invest in his children's education but wants results. 5. He basically doesn't take on household chores like cooking, or if he does, he needs to be assigned to them. Even if they are assigned, he may procrastinate, and if you remind him, he will become impatient. Usually, when faced with such a husband, I desperately want a divorce.

On the other hand, modern women are highly educated and have their own independent thoughts and ideas. They are very resistant to the idea of a marriage with a foreseeable end. Even if they have to put up with a lifetime of such a marriage for the sake of their children, they cannot accept it.

I've always thought about leaving this kind of marriage, but I don't know how to go about it because of the pressure from my kids, parents, and the misunderstanding (divorce is fine, but you can't take the children). I'd love to discuss where such women should go.

I went through something similar after I got married. I felt like I didn't understand what married life was all about.

Like you, I'm a modern woman. I'm informed and have my own independent thoughts and ideas. But I've always been wronged for the sake of my children. I was in a marriage that made me miserable. I wanted to escape countless times. But seeing my children made me stay. My family also put pressure on me. They said they were afraid of being laughed at after the divorce.

After I got married, my husband was pretty much the same as the one you described. The only difference is that I took his salary every month and saved it for our house. When we got married, his family was really poor. They didn't have a house, a car, or any money. So after I got married, I kept saving both of our salaries, except for the basic household expenses. I saved the rest to buy a house.

This kind of life is really exhausting. He's quick to help his parents, brothers, and other relatives, but when it comes to the children and family matters, no matter how many times I tell him, he just won't do anything. This kind of life is really exhausting and painful. I have to worry about everything in the family, and I am in charge of everything. He doesn't care about family matters, but when it comes to other people's matters, he is quick to help.

I can really relate to how you're feeling and the challenges you're facing at this stage.

An unexpected event led to a change in roles between us.

When our child was three and a half, he had a serious illness. At first, he didn't change much. He ignored the child and acted like he was in a coma. He just guarded the child's bedside and didn't help with anything. In the first two or three months, I was busy cooking and cleaning for the child and taking the initiative to contact the doctor. But I got so tired that I almost fell ill.

At that point, I realized that we couldn't keep living together like this. Otherwise, the child's illness would require hospitalization for more than a year, and I wouldn't be able to handle it. I started pushing him into the role of the father who takes care of the child. At first, he wasn't interested, and we had conflicts and arguments. Later, I slowly got him into the role of the father.

I felt free for the first time and realized how comfortable married life is. It's really comfortable, just taking care of yourself and not others. Then I let him experience my hardship. After the roles were reversed, I felt freer, both mentally and physically, and could devote more time and energy to the things I like doing.

Needless to say, this change process is also pretty painful. I've shared my experience with you in case it's useful, and I'll give you a little bit of advice below.

Find a way to get your husband back to being the father he should be. He's got a responsibility to raise and educate his own children.

We still live in a patriarchal society, where some men don't want to take care of their wives after marriage. They expect their wives to serve and take care of their whole family, treating them like maids. If your husband doesn't take care of the household or you, you can put all that aside for now and slowly encourage him to take on a more paternal role.

For many things, try to let him help out, spend time with the child, and teach the child. As long as he starts to get involved a little bit, even if he does a poor job and may even be a hindrance, don't say anything to him, just let him do it.

If he's really not pulling his weight, it might be time to walk away. Don't say anything to discourage him from helping out. When he starts to help out on his own and does a good job, be sure to praise him, encourage him to keep it up, and show him some appreciation.

If you make him happy, he'll naturally help out around the house. He'll trade the value of his manual labor for the emotional value you give him, which will encourage him to help out more around the little family and develop a sense of responsibility for it.

Best of luck, and I hope my answer is helpful!

I just wanted to say that I love you and the world loves you too!

Hello!

After carefully reading your question, I can't wait to dive in and help you! I can imagine that you are currently facing many specific situations, as well as the resulting conflicts, pressures, and negative emotions.

I'm excited to analyze and advise you as follows:

The status of women is a key factor in determining family happiness!

A woman's status in a marriage and family is the key to a happy family life!

And the great news is that the key to this position is not what you give yourself, but the willingness of the other party to protect you from the bottom of their heart!

If it is really as the original poster describes, "not meeting a husband who treats her well," "basically not caring about the cost of the children's education," "not doing the housework or cooking," and "becoming impatient when reminded more often than not,"

Your position is certainly not optimistic, and the family is naturally unhappy. But don't worry! There is a way out.

[The influence of the original family on the husband]

The situation described by the original poster is certainly an interesting one! It seems that her husband cares more about his parents, siblings, and even relatives from his original family than his wife and children.

It's all about the amazing, lifelong influence of your husband's original family, and it's not directed at you!

A person's character is not only shaped by their family of origin, but it can also influence their cognitive model, how they interact with others, and their views on marriage and life.

[Happiness comes from knowing and loving each other]

As the previous analysis shows, the happiest marriage is one in which the man treats you as the queen of the house! It's not about being a powerful woman, and it's not a matter of tradition versus modernity.

I highly recommend that the questioner take a closer look at their emotional communication with their husband. Think about how you describe yourself: as someone who is knowledgeable and has their own independent thoughts and ideas. Think about your knowledge, too.

Now for the fun part! It's time to analyze the usual emotional communication between you and your husband. Family life doesn't require a woman to be strong and independent, but it does require a man to always put his wife first.

[Change starts with sincere concern]

The final question in the original post is more of a multiple-choice question about whether to get divorced. My advice to the original poster is to start with the yes or no questions!

Just as in the analysis above, have you really cared about the influence of your husband's original family? Absolutely! And have you cared about the impact of your own knowledge and independence on your relationship and family life? Absolutely!

Start with self-awareness and correction, start with sincere care for the other person, and look for positive changes—you'll be amazed at what you find!

I really hope the above is of some help to you!

Hello, questioner. I empathize with you and your efforts in your marriage, as well as your frustration at not getting the response you expect.

I do have a few more questions for you. I'm not sure how long you've been married or whether your husband's behaviour has always been like this or whether it only started after certain events (such as the birth of a baby). What was your relationship like in the early stages of your relationship?

I think you chose to spend your life with this man because he had certain qualities that attracted you at the time, or met your expectations for a marriage partner. So now, can you calm down and think seriously about it: what were those qualities?

What expectations of intimacy have been met? Are those qualities still there?

No matter what you decide to do next, it might help to figure out what you want most from a relationship. That way, you'll be able to see things more clearly.

Once you figure out what you want in your marriage, you may be able to understand how the various related circumstances have been maintained until now. Why, when you encounter such a husband who is not kind to you, do you still insist on staying married after so many years? There must be a reason for it, which is for the sake of your children. But perhaps, at a deeper level, this current situation still satisfies some deep-seated need within you (because there is no more information to communicate, this sentence may be a bit difficult to understand). This need may be to avoid the fear of starting a new life again, or to avoid the pressure of facing financial problems or the gossip of others, or to worry about not being able to find a partner who truly cares for you, or it may be something else.

When we notice a problem in an intimate relationship, we often think it is because we haven't met the right person or it's the other person's problem. Of course, your husband's behavior is real. But why has this situation been able to exist for so long?

It's actually about our coping model. We can also say that our coping model has led to this behavior continuing. Our behavior is often related to our inherent self-beliefs and past experiences. So, as the questioner said, if you really want to find a way out of this kind of conflict, you should still find the answer from yourself. When you truly understand yourself and feel and respond to your true inner needs, unexpected changes may occur in your surroundings. Perhaps then the answer will come out.

I hope this is helpful for you. Best wishes!

Hello, question owner! I want to give you a big, warm hug! It's totally normal to feel some inner conflicts and confusion. These feelings can make every day a bit challenging, but you're not alone.

I feel that when many women face such problems, the question of whether or not to get a divorce is deeply and repeatedly present in our minds—and that's a good thing!

Of course, deep down, you definitely want a divorce! You want some quiet space and time for yourself to relax. You can handle the physical pressure, but the mental pressure is hard to bear. It's also hard to regulate your libido.

Let's dive right in!

Nowadays, a lot of energy is spent on whether or not to get a divorce, which is actually very exhausting. In addition to taking care of the children and household chores, we also have to work, and all of these things may drain our energy. But there's no need to worry! You can replenish your kidney energy and blood energy by taking care of yourself.

Let's not talk about divorce for now. Take a deep breath and think about what you need most right now: love, companionship, sex, housework, care, gifts, money, children. Look at what you need most and what you can give up. At this time, you are looking at your age, and whether you can find someone in the future who can meet your needs and whether you can meet them yourself.

You also mentioned five shortcomings of your husband, and of course, these five points are already a lot. What I want to express is whether you have the advantages of your husband. Take out his advantages and weigh them against his shortcomings to see if there are no advantages at all, if there are similar advantages, or if there are more advantages. In this way, you will have a clear picture!

I have my own opinion, and I'm excited to share it with you! If you're in an unhappy marriage, don't insist on staying. Today's society is not like the 1960s. Marriage can be tolerated, but it doesn't have to be! Back then, the pressure was low and it was bearable. Today's society is very stressful, but you can handle it! You must have mutual support, love, sex, and a home to make it last. Otherwise, this situation is not conducive to physical health. I think it is unreasonable to lose your health just to maintain it. You deserve better!

Absolutely! As I mentioned before, I don't encourage making any rash decisions. The government gives us a cooling-off period for a reason! Take your time, give your partner some space, and don't let regret cloud your judgment. You've got this!

Let's dive in!

I've seen someone say that if the other person completely ignores the children, doesn't do any housework, and is bad to you, you can first pretend that they don't exist. I think he is a real person, so how can he be treated like air? It's a challenge, but you can do it! You just need to break through such an atmosphere and adjust your mindset.

Let's sort out your emotions together!

1. You feel aggrieved because you are not getting the corresponding feedback for your efforts, and you complain and feel sad. It's too hard, and you are the one carrying everything at home and outside the home. But guess what? You can do it! You can make it through this!

Second, remember that you have an amazing opportunity to work through your husband's problems together. It doesn't matter if it's emotions or housework, you can do it! I'm curious, have you contributed much to the relationship? Or has he been the primary contributor?

3. You are highly educated, very capable, and financially secure, which is fantastic! It's unlikely that both spouses are bad, and the woman must also have shortcomings, but you're doing great!

Fourth, I'd love to hear more about your social circle! Do you have many male friends around you? Do they compare your husband to others? If not, fantastic! If they do, that's unfair to your husband. People are not comparable. We're all the same, but we're all unique!

Now for some advice!

1. Love yourself, take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, wrap up the aggrieved you, make yourself happy for a while, and allow yourself to feel a sense of satisfaction within. When you feel satisfied, you will have more energy to do more things, and at this time, you will gradually nourish yourself internally.

2. Fitness: Amazing news! You can get dopamine through fitness, which also reduces some fears, some anxieties, and some emotions accordingly.

3. Find a counselor, a professional counselor, and get ready to feel amazing on the inside! Once you've got that sorted, you'll be able to deal with anything that comes your way.

4. Of course, it's great if you can provide your child with a complete family! But remember, family conflicts, indifference between husband and wife, and a lack of love can actually be unhealthy for a child's development. What your child needs most is your love, not that you have to be together!

I really hope these suggestions and thoughts are helpful for you! I'm sending you all my love and best wishes!

If there's anything else I can help you with, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm looking forward to seeing you again if it's meant to be!

Perhaps it would be helpful to begin by considering the two extreme external definitions of these two types of women.

The traditional woman is often seen as a virtuous wife and a good mother. Many believe that the ideal age for marriage is at a suitable age and having children is a natural progression.

After marriage, a woman's role is often to take care of her husband and children, look after her elderly relatives, and manage the household. In many cultures, this involves a great deal of responsibility and hard work. When it comes to the few things mentioned by the original poster, such a woman may feel that she is expected to: 1. Look after her in-laws' relatives. 2. Be considerate of her husband and children. 3. Help her husband with his responsibilities. 4. Care for her own relatives. It is important to remember that these expectations can vary greatly depending on cultural norms and the specific circumstances of each family.

2. As a wife, it is important to learn how to take care of the family, save money, and be generous to relatives and elders. 3. After getting married, it is time to move beyond the mindset of a little girl. Instead of asking for gifts, it would be more practical to spend the money on essentials like food, rice, oil, and salt. 4. It is the mother's responsibility to educate her children. If she is unable to do so, it is natural for her to take the blame. 5. Housework is also the wife's responsibility. It would be helpful for her husband to be supportive by assisting with chores in the kitchen. He works hard during the day and needs to rest well at night.

From the outside, it can seem reasonable to view your husband's actions through the lens of a "traditional woman." It's possible that you might even perceive your wife's actions as unreasonable in this context.

Modern women are often gainfully employed and have their own interests and hobbies before marriage.

After marriage, she also has children according to her own wishes, hires a postpartum helper and a nanny, puts her physical health, mental health and mood first, and continues to work after her body has recovered. She does the usual household chores and has the house cleaned regularly by a maid. If she disagrees with her husband's actions and thoughts, she will speak up and disagree. If they cannot get along, she will resolutely divorce him and take the children with her. Because of her economic independence, having children will not become a so-called "burden" that affects her second marriage.

Such women are often seen as independent, self-determining, and capable.

In addition to the external definition, there is a need to enhance women's self-awareness. Currently, many women aspire to become "modern women" and possess the independent will and ability to do so. However, there is a discrepancy between this aspiration and the understanding of women by the outside world, as well as by some men. These individuals still define women using the ideas, perceptions, and requirements of "traditional women." This discrepancy can result in behavioral "assimilation" and internal conflicts for women.

On the one hand, if women don't take care of the children, it's not always easy to find someone to help. Many women are also reluctant to let go, at least for a while, due to childbirth. This can make it challenging for them to embrace a "modern woman" mentality and exercise their independence. However, once their thinking has "evolved," it can be difficult to go back to how things were. Men may still have different expectations and a limited understanding of their wives' feelings, which can lead to disagreements and misunderstandings between couples.

Perhaps we could consider ways to change, and that would be to find a balance between the traditional and modern views on gender roles. This would involve women embracing a more collaborative approach and men embracing a more inclusive mindset.

It would be beneficial to find a way to get along that suits your own marital status during the marriage.

For instance, it is not uncommon for mothers to be unable to work for a few years after giving birth and to need to stay at home to care for their babies and put their careers on hold. At the same time, it would be helpful for fathers to be considerate of their wives and to understand that caring for a family and children is no easier than working.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider adjusting your husband's perception and your wife's priorities.

It is important to remember that when a husband cares about his wife's family, he cares about them as much as he cares about his own. This can help to ensure that the wife does not feel unbalanced.

It would be beneficial for husbands to remember to act with consistency and fairness at home. If they are aiming to save money, it's important to consider that this should be a collective effort, rather than focusing solely on one person. Alternatively, they could choose to be generous with their relatives one time and their wives the next. After all, the money is ultimately coming from their own pockets, and it's likely that their wives are not unaware of the importance of spending wisely. (Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not suggesting recklessness, but rather an example of a pregnant wife who wanted to eat strawberries that cost more than 40 yuan per pound, which is a significant expense.)

It is customary to exchange gifts between each other, allowing the husband to give the wife a gift and the wife to give the husband a gift. Gifts are given to enhance the relationship and to satisfy the interests of both parties. The practicality or otherwise of the gift is not the main issue. This is also a matter of maintaining consistency in expectations. If the husband enjoys playing games or spending time with friends, and does not allow the wife to have the same hobby of receiving gifts, then he should not expect to be able to play games or spend time with friends without offering something in return. Games are not necessarily the most practical gift.

In terms of raising children, I must admit that I'm not entirely sure I understand my husband's perspective. It seems that the children are missing a father figure in their lives. The mother is primarily responsible for their education and financial matters. I wonder, what role does the father play in this? Is it simply to blame the mother? It seems like a rather passive approach. If he is not ready to take on the responsibilities of a father, there are other options available to the mother. One possibility would be to let the child's surname and household registration follow the mother.

It can be challenging to navigate the division of responsibilities within a family, particularly when it comes to housework. It often seems that the concept of "housework" is absent from the household before the husband starts a family. When a mother is tasked with raising children and handling all the housework, it can be difficult to see the purpose of marriage. It's as if she's searching for a guiding principle, a source of inspiration to help her navigate these challenges.

From a male perspective, it is still quite enjoyable.

It would be beneficial to consider the role of the wife in this situation. 1. When the husband shows concern for his wife's family, it would be helpful for the wife to immediately contact her own family and show concern for them too. As relatives and descendants, it is important to ensure a fair and balanced approach. 2. It is true that the husband voluntarily hands over his salary, but it would be helpful for him to understand that the family's expenses are shared and are also significant. It is not realistic to rely on just one person.

It would be beneficial to share the responsibility. One option is to open an account for daily expenses and both parties can deposit money into it every month. The amount can be agreed upon based on the income situation.

3. It is important to be reasonable about gifts. In addition to receiving gifts from the other person, you can also give yourself gifts, which will also make you happy. 4 and 5. You can set "family rules" about who is responsible for what. It is beneficial for the couple to get along well with each other so that they can set an example for the children.

It is important to ensure that the focus is on oneself, to ensure the physical recovery of childbirth, a comfortable mood, and to know how to rest (physically and mentally) while taking care of the child. It is also important to care about the child's health afterwards. It is not necessary to feel that if you as a mother don't put your child first, you are not a good mother. The definition of a good mother has never been to give up your own life for the sake of your child's life.

Perhaps we could try to improve the current situation between family members first. We should be careful not to assume that the other person is bad or that we are bad. Family relationships require the whole family to work together to improve themselves in order to be effective. If it really comes to the end, we should try not to think of the child first, as this may cause them distress.

If you don't divorce, your child may feel that you are the reason their parents divorced. If you do divorce and live with one parent, your child may feel that you are the reason their parents are having a hard time taking care of them. If you don't have custody, your child may feel that you are the reason their parents are working hard to earn money to take back custody of them. It is important to remember that your child may blame you for the situation, even if you did not intend to.

If separation is unavoidable, it is important to do so with dignity. Even though a couple may have broken up, they still share a blood tie. It is also important for both parties to be happy with themselves, as this will have a positive impact on the child.

Good morning, host.

From your description, I empathize with your situation. This is a prevalent issue among modern women. We don't want to endure challenges in silence within our marriages, and we are capable of providing for our children independently. However, due to external influences, it seems that we have no choice but to do so for the sake of our children, which can lead to feelings of depression. What solutions can we explore?

Let's examine the situation together.

Firstly, you stated that he prioritises his parents, siblings and extended family over his wife and children. This is a common issue in Chinese families, passed down through generations. The expectation to provide for elders, coupled with a strong sense of brotherhood, can lead to a tendency to prioritise other family members, even in challenging circumstances. It is important to strike a balance between supporting your family and nurturing your own relationship.

It is not advisable to sever all ties with relatives, but it is important to draw a clear line. Since you have formed a family, the most important relationship is that of your little family. However, no matter what, those relationships should not outweigh your intimate relationships. If there is no sense of boundaries, it will be confusing and messy, and this mess will continue to grow and grow with your marriage, becoming heavier and heavier, until it reaches a point where it is no longer sustainable.

Secondly, in terms of financial contributions, he is not generous with his wife and children when it comes to spending money. He has low financial credibility and is reluctant to turn over his salary. Additionally, he does not pay for the children's expenses. In a marriage, each individual is responsible for their own financial obligations. Those with greater financial capabilities should provide more support, while those with less ability contribute less.

If he uses it to help others, he is unwilling to contribute to the household expenses. This is a matter that requires further consideration. Financial expenses are the responsibility of a husband and father, and the original poster is also aware of this.

In regard to gifts, my husband will not offer them on his own initiative. Even if a request is made, he will not fulfill it. We have been told that people are emotional creatures, and that our emotions brought us together. If a relationship can last as long as water, where will the water go if it is as flat as water?

He has failed to fulfill his responsibilities as a father, including child expenses and education. Additionally, he has a tendency to blame his wife when things go wrong. Furthermore, he has been critical of any ideas that do not align with his own. He has also been reluctant to invest in his children's education. Given these concerns, it is unclear what positive contributions he has made to his children's lives.

Let's consider this further.

In terms of your husband's role, it appears that he does not assume responsibility for household chores or cooking. This may be due to a lack of assignment or a lack of encouragement from you. It is therefore important to identify the positive contributions he has made in this area.

We can revisit this at a later date.

I empathize with the original poster's feelings of helplessness and disappointment. It is not my place to advise on whether to divorce or not, as the future is unpredictable. However, I offer the following suggestions in the hope that they will assist the original poster in making an informed decision:

1. I recommend that the original poster conduct an analysis. When the decision was made to enter into marriage with this individual, what were the positive attributes that were considered valuable? It is important to note that the original poster is highly educated and possesses her own independent thoughts and ideas, which indicates that there must have been a rationale behind the decision to pursue this marriage. It is common for individuals to be influenced by negative factors and to overlook the positive aspects of their spouses. Therefore, when evaluating a person, it is essential to adopt a comprehensive and objective approach. It would be beneficial to consider whether these positive qualities still exist.

Has there been a change in his behavior, or have my expectations changed?

It is important to consider your own feelings and opinions on the matter.

2. Effective communication is the cornerstone of a successful marriage. It is essential to communicate with your husband calmly and without arguing before making a decision. Arguing will not resolve the issue and may only exacerbate the situation. List the above problems one by one and discuss them with your husband. The truth may not be as harsh as you perceive it to be.

It is important to communicate your feelings to your husband. Be clear about your expectations regarding his level of care and responsibility towards the family.

3. After communicating, allow each other time to reflect. Your husband will undoubtedly have a number of reasons, and you should also consider them carefully. Are there any elements of truth in them? Can you empathise with his perspective? You should also give your husband time to reflect, and then listen to his thoughts to ascertain whether there is any possibility of change.

4. Marriage can create a sense of oppression. The aforementioned communication serves as a form of catharsis and stress relief. It is essential to convey your feelings of dissatisfaction and oppression to your husband. If the communication is effective, you will at least receive feedback from your husband. It is my hope that he will take the initiative to say that he will change gradually. It must be acknowledged that he may not be fully capable of change, but initiating this change in his attitude is a crucial first step.

The landlord should proceed with caution and work on his marriage. It is not sufficient to merely make pleasantries; rather, a more comprehensive approach is necessary. For instance, they can share the financial responsibility for the children. They can create a concrete plan. There is no need to be embarrassed; this is his responsibility. Additionally, there should be a limit to the care provided to collateral family members. These aspects can be quantified.

It is also important to share household chores and to have a clear division of labor. It is unrealistic to expect immediate results, but if your husband is willing to change and his behavior has improved, it is important not to give up. It is worth giving yourself and him a chance, as we cannot predict the future, but at least we have tried.

5. There is, however, another potential outcome, which is less favourable. This is where the husband is adamant and refuses to change his ways, and he is right. As previously stated, the OP is an independent woman, so there is no need for us to put ourselves in a difficult position.

The original poster may not be inclined to pursue a divorce, but it is prudent to develop a plan for themselves and their children to ensure a fair distribution of assets in the event of a divorce.

6. The age of the poster's child is unknown, but children are not as fragile as commonly believed. Contemporary society is not as backward as previously thought. There is no need to restrict oneself with old ideas. The adverse consequences suffered by children in an unhappy marriage are much more serious than those in a happy single-parent family. A confident, optimistic, and independent mother is a good role model for her child. If you do not divorce for the sake of your child, it will be a lifelong burden for him or her.

It is important to consider the child's best interests, but not to use the child as a reason for not pursuing a divorce.

Life presents challenges to all of us, but ultimately, we are the ones who make the decisions. We must address problems directly and find solutions. I am confident that the host can do so. The new year of 2023 has begun, and I am optimistic that everything will be fine. Let's move forward together!

Hello, original poster. You're in a state of conflict and entanglement.

I understand your feelings of helplessness, anger, and despair. I hope you can give yourself a hug to feel cared for.

You're not just choosing between two options. There are practical problems behind either choice. We're not in a hurry to make a decision. We're focusing on our emotions and feelings.

When we're stronger and more stable, the answer will come.

You mentioned some of the things you do with your husband every day. I think these problems have been around for a long time. Have you done anything about his behavior and attitudes before? Some problems don't just appear out of nowhere. They build up over time.

Think about what happened and why you can't accept his characteristics. Don't blame yourself, but use this time to understand your needs, how you express them, and how you respond when they aren't met.

Divorce is simple. Go to the civil affairs bureau to change your certificate. But ending a marriage doesn't mean problems go away. We can still have intimate relationships. Use current anxiety to explore and understand yourself. Invest in your future, whether you stay married or not.

In marriage, we repeat family patterns. How we relate to our parents affects our marriage.

Marriage is cyclical. We move from courtship to marriage, from the honeymoon to settling in. With a child, we adapt to our new identity. Family patterns are activated, and we repeat patterns without knowing it.

I'm also curious about how you see yourself and your life. Sometimes our life situation affects us in ways we don't realize.

I suggest you read the book "Life Script" from the reading club on the Yi Psychology platform. It might help you explore yourself.

I recommend you see a counselor. They accept you and give you space to express your feelings. When we express our hidden feelings, we don't have to choose between them.

I think the idea of not divorcing for the kids comes from our traditional values. If the dad doesn't love the mom and they argue a lot, it's not good for the kids.

The marriage is yours, and it only concerns you. We can look at what the father we long for means to you.

I'm sorry for leaving you with so many questions and no solutions. I hope you can love yourself more so you can love others better.

Love yourself to love others more.

When you're feeling emotional, try writing or talking to yourself to untangle your feelings.

1. What came to mind was:

2. I noticed I had these emotions:

3. I had these thoughts:

4. My body had these reactions too.

5. I call these feelings from the mind and body.

The next time I see it, I'll recognize it faster.

6. These feelings are normal.

They will come and go.

Thank your brain and body for the information and experience. Let them stay a little longer with an accepting attitude. Then, stay in the present.

When we're not overwhelmed by emotions, we have more resources to cope.

And finally, believe you deserve good things.

Hello! I can see that you're facing a challenge: the unfair treatment of women in society and the needs of self-awakening women in the new era.

You can also sense the pain and desire for change of women who have already entered this so-called "traditional" family, and it's there for all of us to see!

What is called "tradition" is not really tradition. The situation described by the questioner seems to be the "husband is the head of the wife, father is the head of the son" from hundreds of years ago, which is itself the dregs of traditional culture. But there's so much more to it than that!

As early as the Han Dynasty, Zhu Yuanzhang's beloved Empress Ma did a lot for women's independence and rights! The new wife could wear a phoenix crown and a red robe to show her status as a woman. However, with the constant changes in imperial society and the strengthening of paternal authority, in order to further consolidate power and facilitate control, women's rights were belittled. This led to the formation of the so-called "husband is the head of the wife, father is the head of the son" which was a deformity and dregs formed to facilitate slavery control and reduce resistance.

You are all amazing, and you all have your own angel. As an individual, you are never someone else's subordinate—you are all in this together!

I want to start by congratulating all of you who can still think positively and seek change for yourselves despite these circumstances. You have a sound sense of self and flexible thinking, which is already incomparably better than those who created these circumstances and those who have lived in such circumstances for a long time without knowing it.

As early as the Spring and Autumn Period, Xunzi said, "The reason why people are people is because they can think and distinguish right from wrong. So I sincerely apologize to you all—and I'm excited to tell you why!

The source of their pain is not here. What really makes them feel pain is not this kind of environment. It's the fact that they can understand their situation but lack the motivation to change or are unable to change due to various pressures from reality.

But this painful feeling is far better than numb adaptation! They are conflicted all day long by these contradictions and suffering, but they feel pain.

So, let's give ourselves a big round of applause!

Now that you have the vision, it's time to add a bit of courage! If you really feel unbearable under such conditions, you can absolutely try to pay some courage to change.

You may face a lot of difficulties and be criticized a lot, but it is definitely better to try than not to try!

I want to congratulate all of you who can feel the pain and are willing to change! I hope you find wholeness, self-possession, ease, and contentment.

Hello, my name is June.

From your description, it seems that your husband may not be as considerate or responsible as you would like, and that he is perhaps more polite to outsiders than to you and your children. As the wife of a Kochi man, I am still holding on to this marriage.

I can sense your frustration, your frustration, and your hesitation. Whatever the reason for choosing to stay in this marriage, I believe it is a very good reason, as all this resentment and anger cannot outweigh it.

Given the challenges of divorce and the uncertainty of its impact, it might be helpful to consider exploring how you would feel if you were already divorced. This could provide insight into how your emotions might shift in the event of a divorce.

It may be the case that parents, siblings, and even relatives from their original family are more important to them than their wife and children.

2. You may wish to consider being more generous with your wife and children when it comes to spending money. It might be helpful to build more financial trust within the relationship, which could involve turning over your salary. It's different with family and relatives.

3. It would be best not to expect to receive holiday gifts on special holidays, or if you want something he thinks is impractical, he may not be satisfied even if he likes it very much.

5. I tend to avoid doing housework and cooking. I either ask him to do them or do them myself, but either way, he often procrastinates and gets impatient when I remind him.

If you are already divorced, you may find it challenging to relate to these four points. It might be helpful to avoid dwelling on them, to avoid any potential distress.

Since he is willing to accept the division of household responsibilities, it would be best to proceed according to the agreed-upon plan. It is not necessary to concern yourself with the specific timing or method of completion, as long as the task is done.

It would be fair to say that the father is not particularly involved in the child's expenses or education. He tends to blame the wife when things go wrong and is not particularly invested in the child's education, although he does have certain expectations.

I believe this is an important topic for you both to discuss in depth. If you were to divorce, would you prefer that the child remain with him or with you?

If you plan to let your child stay with him, it would be beneficial to communicate well and just go along with his way. It might be best to avoid interfering with how he wants to raise your child, as it could make it more difficult for you to get involved again if you do get divorced.

It might be helpful to consider what a mother in this situation could do after a divorce when her child stays with the ex-husband.

You might consider taking the child out for a meal and playing with him on the weekends, buying him some things, and so on.

It might be helpful to consider how much child support he would be required to pay in the event of a divorce.

As long as he is fulfilling his financial obligations, there is no expectation of additional contributions to the child's education. It is important to engage in open dialogue with your child about your aspirations for their education, whether it is a happy or elite education. It is likely that he will be taking the child out for a playdate on the weekends, providing them with dinner, and offering them pocket money.

It is not uncommon for fear of the unknown to prevent people from making changes in their lives. However, if you have already experienced life after divorce, you may find that your choices become easier.

Please note that the above is for reference only. Wishing you the best!

Dear Question Asker, I am a healer, and I extend my sincerest regards to you. I am seeking guidance on how a woman who is both traditional and modern, and who is full of contradictions, can find a way out.

It is analogous to the fact that no two leaves in our world are identical. The debate between unity and opposition is inconclusive, and there will be a multitude of opinions. In a family, the man, as a family member, bears a greater burden, while the woman also plays the role of a supporting partner who bears responsibility and plays a role in supporting half the sky. The difference is that a man's career does not suddenly end or come to a halt due to physiological reasons, while a woman will temporarily relinquish her career in the workplace and choose to return to the family because of childbirth and breastfeeding.

As a traditional woman, most choose to focus on raising children and family.

On the one hand, there is the traditional woman. After having children, she has made significant personal sacrifices for her children. Unfortunately, she has not yet met a suitable partner who treats her well. Meeting the right person is love; meeting the wrong person is youth. Life is unpredictable in many situations. As traditional women, most choose to prioritize raising children, taking care of their husbands, and running the household before their careers. This naturally requires time, money, and energy. No one can argue that housework should be done exclusively by women. Real couples understand each other and share household chores with each other. Unless they meet an irresponsible man who wants to be a hands-off boss all day, he cannot treat the woman well. This inevitably leads to her feeling tired both physically and mentally, and helpless in dealing with it.

The following characteristics are indicative of this profile:

1. In a family environment where parents, siblings, and other relatives hold greater importance than wives and children, individuals may develop a tendency towards selfishness. Their own relatives are their primary focus, and the feelings of their wives are often overlooked. Similarly, the wives' relatives tend to prioritize their own relationships over those with their in-laws. 2. We all face challenges in our relationships. In some cases, a wife may initially disregard her husband's family, forming a non-blood relationship with him. This may have been a decision she made without fully considering the feelings of her parents at the time. However, this approach often leads to a lack of understanding from her husband's family. Instead of fostering understanding, it can intensify feelings of self-righteousness, making her feel indebted to her husband's family. 3. This phenomenon is not uncommon in many families. The expectations of a woman in a marriage may not align with the reality of the situation. Additionally, the level of importance placed on her by her husband's family may not be as significant as she believes.

2. He is not generous with his wife and children when it comes to spending money, and has low financial trust. He does not consider turning over his salary, but treats his family and relatives differently. It is important to note that the education in an original family is very important, as special experiences and environments have created a particular view of money. The lack of security in childhood is a manifestation of childhood trauma, and naturally, there is not enough trust in people.

Due to their experiences of hardship and the teachings of their elders, they will pass on this financial philosophy even more.

3. It is not reasonable to expect holiday gifts on special holidays, nor is it acceptable to request items that he deems impractical. Even if he is fond of the item, he will not be satisfied unless it aligns with his values. This is a challenge that has been handed down to us by our ancestors. It is crucial to have a clear understanding of what is valuable to you and to recognize that what others perceive as a waste may not align with your personal preferences. Different experiences shape different personalities, which in turn influence habits and behaviors. By understanding these nuances, you can gain insight into his actions.

4. The father's role is absent, and he is not concerned about the child's expenses or education. When problems arise, he places the blame on his wife. He also focuses on things that do not align with his values. He does not invest in his child's education but expects results. We can only earn money within our means, and we often suffer losses that exceed our means.

It is accurate to conclude that the issues of the original family will be transferred to the new family. A lack of security in the heart will cause us to avoid reality, particularly when it comes to shirking responsibilities. The lack of role models is a prevalent issue among the parents' generation, so how can we effectively transfer the good? Concurrently, if one does not perceive the necessity to spend money, one will not naturally spend it. Even if one should spend money, one must identify a rationale to persuade him. Selective individuals are often the most unprincipled. When an individual with no defined principles or bottom line appears in front of us, they are, in fact, the most vocal complainer around us.

5. The majority of households fail to adequately address basic responsibilities such as cooking. Alternatively, these tasks are often assigned to the husband, who may become irritated when repeatedly reminded of them. In such cases, the wife often expresses a strong desire for a divorce.

It is worth noting that children raised in a positive family environment often display remarkable qualities. One reason why individuals from affluent backgrounds tend to succeed is that they are often diligent and resourceful. However, it is also important to recognise the role of education and environment in this process. One of the key challenges in modern society is the lack of trust. As one's social status declines, there is often a tendency to resort to unscrupulous tactics to gain advantage over others. Conversely, individuals at the top of the social ladder are often characterised by sincerity, helpfulness and trustworthiness. Individuals with high capabilities often display a high level of emotional intelligence and a capacity for individualistic thinking. Conversely, those who are less capable may exhibit a tendency towards emotional volatility and a lack of flexibility in their approach to problem-solving.

On the other hand, modern women are highly educated and have their own independent thoughts and ideas. They are very resistant to the idea of a marriage with a clear end in sight. Because they have always wanted to be a model of the high-quality group, they yearn for independence. Seeing the unchanging reality, they have no choice but to give up. In fact, they will be more cautious in their initial choice. When they encounter an unsuitable person, they will not continue to insist. Resistance is a personality trait, as well as an unwillingness to give in. At the same time, they are unwilling to resign themselves to reality. Even if they have to suffer in such a marriage for the rest of their lives for the sake of their children, they still cannot accept it.

The idea of leaving such a marriage is always present, but the children, the lack of understanding from parents who believe divorce is wrong but who do not accept the necessity of taking the children with you, and the lack of viable options combine to make it seem impossible. The pace of change in our society is difficult to keep up with. Many young people would rather be carefree than settle for less. This has led to the emergence of single mothers with one or even two children. Although it seems very difficult and incomprehensible to outsiders, for the people involved, it is like being freed from mental bondage and regaining their freedom. The only problem is the other person's ability to bear the burden when they remarry (the number of children tests the other person's financial resources and energy).

It is irrelevant whether the woman in question adheres to traditional values or is a modern, independent woman. Both types of women yearn for and pursue a fulfilling life. Life is like a pair of shoes; only the wearer knows whether they fit. It is difficult to judge which path is the right one. There are many opinions on the matter. Each person has their own unique perspective. Choice is more important than effort, direction is more important than achievement. If you are willing to embrace the world, the world will embrace you; if you are not willing to do so, you will remain confined to your current situation. My personal advice is for reference only. We are all connected by the world around us. I wish you the best of luck!