Can a 28-year-old single mother meet love? Really eager

Hello! I'm a heart exploration coach, and I'm here to tell you that everything is going to be okay. I'm so happy for you! You've gained so much in the two years of counseling, and you've overcome so much, including depression. You must have made so many efforts during this period.

After getting through all that tough stuff, I can see that you're feeling a bit down because you're ready to start a romantic relationship, but you're worried about being rejected because you think you're not good enough. It's totally normal to feel this way!

1. Keep working on changing those negative core beliefs about the relationship.

I can see that the belief that caused you to become depressed is still there, and it is also your core belief: "I am not worthy" and "I am not good enough." This negative core belief will develop some related rules, attitudes, and assumptions of intermediate beliefs, such as "I must be good enough to have pure love," "if I am not good enough, girls will reject me," and "only good people deserve love."

These beliefs might get in the way of you enjoying the relationship when you're actually in love. You might even think that your own lack of excellence is the reason for the problems in the relationship.

Even though our counseling sessions have come to a close, the wonderful work we've done together will continue to benefit us in all areas of our lives, including our relationships with others.

In all kinds of relationships, your perception determines how you will experience emotions and react. I really hope that you can continue to revise your perception that you are not good enough to deserve a good love relationship. I'm sure you'll gain new experiences and growth in intimate relationships if you keep at it!

You are absolutely right! According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the need for love and belonging is a normal human need. We all have the right to pursue love.

It's okay if you don't think you're good enough for a good love. It's not about that. Being good is a plus, but it's not a must for maintaining a relationship.

2. Love is a journey that goes both ways, my friend.

I've noticed the questioner mentioning on several occasions that they're looking for a pure form of love. I'm curious to know what the questioner understands by "pure love."

I'm curious, is the love the OP is talking about free of any mutual interests, without any financial dealings, and not bound by formalities and social norms?

Love is an intimate relationship between two people. And it's up to both of you to make sure you're ready to keep the relationship beautiful!

Love is a kind of ability, and a beautiful one at that!

The questioner develops the ability to love themselves before they can have the ability to love their future partner, or they can grow in the relationship.

A beautiful love requires us to let go of our own illusions and be honest with ourselves and the other person. The values and ways of interacting that we learned from our families sometimes clash with each other. But when we can accept the flaws in ourselves and our partners, that's when we find true love.

A good love isn't a perfect love, but that's okay!

It's so important to remember that when it comes to love, only when both people are determined to reach the ultimate goal of happiness can they reap the wonderful rewards of a win-win situation.

While you're enjoying the love, you're also growing and learning, but you might also feel a little loss along the way. That's because growth often comes with a little bit of loss, too.

3. And last but not least, make your relationship even stronger and grow together!

I can see that you're struggling with finding love that truly belongs to you. It's tough when materialism is so prevalent in real life, our hearts are too complicated, and human nature is unpredictable. Coupled with the fact that you only have limited time to work, the only way you know girls is through matchmaking, and you don't think you're good enough for the girls you meet through matchmaking, it's no wonder you're feeling this way.

From what I can tell, it seems like the questioner might have a little bit of trust issues with the other person they're about to enter into an intimate relationship with. It's totally normal to feel a bit insecure sometimes! It can be challenging to find that pure love within yourself, and it's understandable to have a bit of fear about entering into an intimate relationship.

It might help to think about what you're afraid of. What does it mean to be rejected by a girl?

It's totally normal to feel this way! We all worry about failing in a relationship from time to time. It's only natural to feel hesitant about committing to someone when you're not sure if it's going to work out.

It's important to remember that not every relationship is destined to succeed. There are many reasons why two people may not make it to the end of a relationship, and it's okay to accept that.

Two people facing each other's imperfections in love, accepting the outcome with an open mind, learning from experience, and embarking on a new journey together is also a wonderful way to grow.

A good love will ultimately be realized in the daily necessities of life and the trivial matters of life. Maintaining a good love between two people in an ordinary life is the real relationship. A good love is full of passion!

It involves food, clothing, housing, transportation, and the necessities of life, which must involve the lower-level needs of physiological needs and safety needs according to Maslow. Only after the lower-level needs are met is it possible to satisfy the higher-level needs of love and belonging. So, a good love must be based on bread!

The questioner can read books about love and intimacy, observe what love looks like in the people around them, listen to other people's experiences, and gradually form their own views on love through learning and practice. And, of course, they can also find a partner who meets their standards!

Actor Wang Zhiwen once said that the only thing he looks for in a partner is that they speak the same language and can chat together.

I really hope the questioner can make an effort to take the first step, grow better in the relationship, and find their own beautiful love.

If you'd like to chat some more, just click the link below to find a coach who can interpret and communicate with you one-on-one. Wishing you all the best!

Dear questioner,

Firstly, I would like to extend my sincerest congratulations to the questioner on having overcome a significant challenge, namely depression, which has persisted for over a decade. However, it is evident that the road to recovery has been arduous, and now the questioner is faced with the daunting task of rebuilding a sense of self-awareness. In the presence of romantic interest, the questioner displays apprehension, and the lack of guidance from trusted sources leaves the questioner feeling adrift.

The questioner's work and life are on the verge of returning to normalcy, which is a positive development. Depression has caused the questioner to feel empty in many ways and to become detached from the typical routines of daily life. When presented with the attractive female companionship in his environment, he tends to believe that he is not worthy of their attention, which subsequently leads him to experience negative emotional states.

I will offer encouragement and support. The questioner is actually quite capable. Many individuals are unable to overcome depression. The questioner has managed to do so independently, which is a notable achievement.

It is imperative to recognize that love is a reciprocal phenomenon. Regardless of one's intrinsic merits, the possibility of rejection remains a constant.

The questioner referenced a single point in their personal statement: an independent personality. This assertion is predicated on the assumption that if one is "good enough," love will inevitably be found. The question then arises as to the source of this idea.

It is my personal opinion that all individuals are equal in the context of romantic relationships. However, it is more probable that those who are more outstanding will be noticed. This does not imply that those who are less outstanding are unable to succeed. Additionally, the questioner has indicated that they are of a high caliber, yet lack experience in romantic relationships and experience anxiety regarding intimacy. This is a valid assessment.

As the question was posed on an online forum, I can only offer the questioner a few straightforward suggestions regarding how to embark on a romantic relationship, which I hope will prove beneficial.

It is imperative to gain an accurate understanding of one's own identity.

To avoid painful and negative emotions, it is essential to understand one's own identity, qualities, and desired intimate relationship. One effective method is to write a list of one's strengths and qualities. This process can help individuals gain insight into their personal attributes and preferences.

I am adept at observing people.

I am adept at synthesizing experiences.

I will undertake a period of introspection and self-discovery.

Furthermore, I possess considerable patience, and if I concur with a particular viewpoint, I will dedicate myself fully to it.

I possess vocal abilities.

I enjoy reading.

It is possible that you possess a multitude of strengths and qualities, and that the question asker is unable to enumerate them all at once. However, this is not a cause for concern, as you have the opportunity to take your time and record whatever you recall.

It would be beneficial to interact with a multitude of individuals.

Additionally, the questioner indicated that due to work commitments, he has limited free time and relies on matchmaking platforms to meet potential partners. It is recommended that the questioner explore alternative avenues for expanding his social circle, such as joining hobby classes or forming alliances with individuals sharing similar experiences. By doing so, he can broaden his social network and potentially connect with individuals who can provide support and guidance.

For example, one might consider joining hobby classes or forming alliances with individuals who have undergone similar experiences. The questioner himself has ten years of experience fighting depression. He could potentially offer encouragement to others who are struggling with similar issues and share some of his experiences through various channels. Over time, he would likely meet a growing number of people.

It is advisable to become acquainted with a multitude of individuals through various avenues to circumvent the phenomenon of love at first sight. Instead, it is prudent to cultivate a preliminary relationship, wherein one can ascertain the other person's character and only then consider furthering the relationship if the other person is deemed to be agreeable.

The importance of care and respect for others cannot be overstated.

If one can prioritize self-care, it is possible to extend care and respect to others and contribute to their happiness, which in turn leads to one's own happiness. It is a natural consequence that the kindness one shows to others will be reciprocated.

The questioner began to perceive an increase in his own value as evidenced by the grateful smiles. However, it is important to note the "anti-golden rule" of social interaction: one cannot expect to receive the same amount of kindness in return for the kindness one shows to others.

It is possible to disseminate one's affection for others in a multitude of ways. One may choose to share one's knowledge in a benevolent manner, or alternatively, one may opt to donate a modest sum of money to those less fortunate or underprivileged children.

It is recommended that one perform small acts of kindness whenever possible. Over time, this will result in the formation of a large social circle, which may eventually lead to the development of romantic relationships with individuals within that circle.

It is important to note that by meeting more people, the questioner may find several suitable targets. It is also crucial to avoid rushing to express one's admiration. As time progresses, one's values and family upbringing will become more apparent. This process of observation is also beneficial in determining compatibility in the future.

It is now time to ask the girl out.

If, according to the questioner's observations, the girl is single, meets the questioner's requirements in every way, and the questioner finds her personality appealing, the questioner may attempt to take the initiative and ask the other person out to dinner. If the questioner is uncertain about how to ask her out or is unsure of the other person's receptivity, they may employ certain techniques to achieve the goal of asking her out.

For example, the questioner can request that the other person perform a task on their behalf. If the other person readily agrees, it indicates that the other person has a positive impression of the questioner, or that the other person does not reject the questioner. This provides an opportunity to express gratitude and extend an invitation to have dinner.

In general, when a relationship is not particularly close, it is uncommon for women to invite men out to dinner. This is because dinner allows for more time for communication after the meal has been consumed. If the questioner is concerned about being rejected, an alternative option is to request lunch, which is more likely to be accepted.

Following several encounters, it may be beneficial to extend an invitation to the female companion for a meal. Should this prove successful, it would indicate that she has accepted you and that the relationship may progress further.

It is important to express your love.

If the questioner has successfully asked the girl out to dinner, it is then incumbent upon them to arrange the entire evening. This entails determining where to go for dinner, what to do after dinner, whether to go to the movies or to some kind of show, or whether to go to some kind of event. The questioner must therefore make a detailed plan in advance.

The objective of the activities following the dinner is to demonstrate the questioner's affection for the girl. In the event that the questioner is reluctant to express it, an alternative would be to present her with red roses and recite the traditional language of roses. Alternatively, the questioner could attempt to hold the girl's hand during certain activities. If she does not object, the questioner may then safely propose his love, thereby facilitating a successful outcome.

The experience of love

It would be erroneous to assume that a relationship will be free of conflict and disagreement after the initial stages of courtship. Even if the couple in question comes from similar family backgrounds, there will still be differences in their upbringing and values, which can lead to disagreements.

As the duration of shared time increases, conflicts will emerge and dissipate. During this period, it is essential to recall the enduring love for the individual in question, regardless of their annoying or selfish tendencies.

It is imperative to refrain from mentioning the possibility of a breakup during an argument, as this can inflict significant emotional distress on both parties and impede the growth and stability of the relationship. In the event that the individual in question has caused genuine harm or is demonstrably unsuitable, it may be necessary to address the issue of a potential breakup. However, it is crucial to do so in a calm and constructive manner, rather than during an emotionally charged argument.

It is imperative that the questioner understands that love necessitates reciprocal effort. In the event of marriage, it will be imperative for the couple to demonstrate unwavering tolerance and acceptance. At this juncture, the questioner will recognize that his wife may not exhibit the same degree of consideration as she did during the early stages of their relationship.

Nevertheless, it is the ability to overcome adversity together that serves to reinforce the durability of this love.

It is my hope that my response will prove beneficial to the individual who posed the question, and I extend my best wishes for the individual's swift attainment of a fulfilling romantic relationship.

It is possible to experience romantic love at any age.

One might posit that a lack of experience in matters of the heart has resulted in the forfeiture of numerous opportunities, largely due to an inherent limitation in one's perception of love and the multifaceted emotional dynamics associated with intimate relationships.

In the future, in the absence of experience, one can compensate for this lesson by modifying one's perception, enhancing one's confidence, pursuing actively, and committing boldly.

1. Excellence is self-improvement. While striving for improvement, it is important to avoid two common mistakes.

In November, I completed more than two years of psychological counseling, and I gained a great deal during this counseling journey. The most significant outcome is that I overcame ten years of depression.

In all candor, I have long been afflicted with feelings of inferiority and sadness. In the past, these feelings were largely the result of my perception of myself as inferior and unworthy. I was often paralyzed by fear when it came to approaching girls I found attractive. I was under the misguided assumption that if I were simply better, I would be able to achieve a state of pure love.

Through my own gradual efforts, I am not yet at the level of excellence I aspire to, but I am making progress towards it.

You have achieved a remarkable feat by overcoming a decade-long bout of depression through two years of psychological counseling. This is a commendable accomplishment, and I extend my sincerest congratulations.

Those who have not experienced romantic love during their formative years may find themselves experiencing feelings of self-pity.

Indeed, during those halcyon days of youth, when I encountered a person I found attractive and observed a young woman I found appealing, I was reluctant to pursue these interactions. In hindsight, I recognize that I may have missed out on significant opportunities, a regret I share with you.

However, this is understandable given the context of the time, when the subject was experiencing depression and a strong inferiority complex. The aggression was directed outward, and the subject was unable to develop in that direction.

The individual in question believes that they are not sufficiently competent and that they will be regarded with disdain by the object of their affections. As a result, they are reluctant to make the first move.

Although individuals who exhibit outstanding qualities are more likely to be favored, establishing outstandingness as a prerequisite for love may contradict the belief in unconditional self-acceptance.

The concept of unconditional acceptance is challenging to implement because it requires an individual to acknowledge and accept their own shortcomings.

Thus, the desire to become better is evident.

It is acceptable to strive for self-improvement, but it is essential to avoid two potential pitfalls:

It is imperative that one refrain from exhibiting any shortcomings.

The second mistake is the assumption that the other person will not accept your flaws.

One must first accept one's own shortcomings before one can courageously present oneself to others and allow them to accept one.

2. An independent personality is not about suppressing one's needs; rather, it is about the courage to pursue one's own needs.

A genuine longing for love is a common experience. For an extended period, I held the belief that only an independent personality could experience love.

I have gradually come to understand that love is a fundamental human need. I have been attempting to suppress it for an extended period, but I am now seeking to overcome this inhibition. My objective is to embrace my intrinsic desire for love and to pursue a genuine and authentic connection.

Love is the most fundamental psychological need of human beings.

The experience of being loved and reciprocating that love has been demonstrated to increase levels of happiness.

Personal independence entails a balance between self-reliance and the capacity to rely on others.

The act of repressing one's own needs results in an outward appearance of indifference, which is not an indication of independence but rather a form of self-isolation. This ultimately leads to an avoidance of the potential for love to enter one's life.

Fortunately, you have now come to recognize the importance of love and have ceased attempting to suppress it.

Provided that one ceases to suppress one's own self, one will be able to adopt a courageous and open approach to the pursuit of love.

This is the capacity to be self-accepting, which is a prerequisite for autonomy.

Nevertheless, the concept of "pure love" is open to question.

3. Pure love, which is equivalent to unconditional love, is a beautiful concept, but one that is challenging to achieve in practice. It is important to recognise the need to combine reality with meeting each other's needs at all levels.

In reality, however, the world is replete with material desires, human hearts are complex, and human nature is unpredictable. As a result, it seems exceedingly difficult to find love that truly belongs to you. When one considers the limited number of hours one is able to devote to dating, matchmaking seems to be the only viable option. Nevertheless, when I meet a girl, I always feel that I am not good enough for her. What should I do if she rejects me? As I have never been in love before, I am unsure of how to proceed. I would be grateful for any advice.

While pure love is undoubtedly a beautiful phenomenon, it is not a readily attainable state.

It may be perceived as idealistic to request that an individual love themselves unconditionally.

It is understandable that parents may find it challenging to refrain from making demands on themselves, given their awareness that their children require basic material security and the capacity to provide for themselves in order to live a satisfactory life.

When two individuals experience love from an emotional perspective, they may merely hold a positive sentiment towards one another.

Nevertheless, the ultimate objective of love is the formation of a family unit and the perpetuation of life.

These are inextricably linked to material existence.

For example, the most basic guarantees of Maslow's hierarchy of needs are clothing, food, and housing. In order to progress to the higher levels of love and belonging, it is essential to meet these fundamental needs.

If the fundamental needs are excluded, how might the higher needs be sustained?

It would appear that you have become adept at laying the groundwork and then moving up.

It is therefore understandable that the girl in question may not be as pure as one would hope, and that she may also be influenced by considerations of material conditions.

One can only avoid the illusory nature of romantic attachment by accepting this premise.

With regard to the method of meeting girls, it is irrelevant whether the encounter is premeditated or spontaneous. Furthermore, it is not advisable to hastily commit to a relationship.

Despite the lack of romantic involvement at the outset, the two individuals are afforded the opportunity to become acquainted gradually and ascertain their compatibility.

Ultimately, it is imperative to recognize that self-imposed limitations on one's capacity for love are unproductive. Instead, it is essential to embrace one's emotional state, acknowledge the impossibility of achieving absolute perfection, and facilitate the development of resilience and security in others.

It is my hope that the aforementioned responses will prove to be a source of inspiration.

My name is Yan Guilai, and I am a practicing psychologist. I wish you the best of luck!

Good day.

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is the key to personal growth and development.

From your description, I believe you may be experiencing feelings of inferiority, a longing for love, a lack of confidence, worries, anxiety, pain, and a sense of being overwhelmed.

I will not delve into the specifics of your emotional challenges here. However, I would like to offer three pieces of advice:

Firstly, it would be beneficial to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your circumstances.

This will help you to think more clearly about your next steps.

You stated that you overcame ten years of depression in November after more than two years of psychological counseling. However, you are currently experiencing a desire for love but are concerned about potential rejection due to your lack of experience in relationships. This situation is understandable, as many individuals who have never been in a relationship experience similar concerns. It is normal to feel anxious when facing the unknown. Additionally, you may lack confidence and perceive yourself as inadequate, which can further contribute to your anxiety. To address these concerns, it is essential to understand your own thoughts and emotions. This can be achieved by recognizing the anxious self inside who yearns for love but is uncertain about the immediate steps to take. This process of self-awareness can help you manage your emotions and prevent them from becoming overwhelming.

It is only by trying to understand yourself and accepting your current situation that you can effect change. This may seem counterintuitive, but it is, in fact, the truth. Change is based on allowing for no change.

Secondly, I recommend that you adopt a rational perspective on your own situation.

Rational thinking can assist in a more comprehensive understanding of oneself and reality.

To achieve a rational perspective, it is essential to undertake two key actions:

It is important to understand that the ability to love can be acquired.

It is important to understand that not everyone falls in love at once. You can learn new things gradually, and the same applies to falling in love. It is therefore essential to believe in your own abilities.

It is important to focus on your strengths rather than dismissing them. Everyone has strengths, and you are no exception. From your description, I can see your perseverance and determination, as well as your ability to overcome ten years of depression. Your decision to seek help demonstrates your motivation and ability to express yourself effectively. You have many strengths that you should recognize. When you can see your own strengths, it will give you self-confidence and the courage to pursue the love you desire.

Secondly, it is important to recognise that the status quo can be altered if there is a willingness to change.

It is possible that you are not confident enough to recognize the advantages you possess. At this juncture, it is essential to recognize the power of time, given that you are still young and have the opportunity to improve yourself over a significant period. The capacity to love can also be enhanced through future practice.

It is important to understand that developing the capacity to love requires a commitment to ongoing self-reflection and practice. To cultivate a loving relationship, it is essential to engage in open communication and to invest time in developing the skills necessary for a healthy partnership.

I recommend that you concentrate on your own development and consider how you can improve your situation.

For instance, when you feel less confident, you can focus on your strengths and address your weaknesses. Accept what you cannot change for the time being, and change what you can. When you proactively improve yourself, your confidence will gradually increase, which will positively impact your well-being.

It is also beneficial to engage in open communication with trusted family members and friends, particularly those who have experienced romantic relationships. Honest dialogue with these individuals can have a positive impact on your emotional state, as it can help to dissipate negative emotions. Additionally, they can provide valuable insights, support, and guidance, including an understanding of human nature, which can offer direction and reduce anxiety in the future.

You may also find it beneficial to read more books on the subject of falling in love. Titles such as "How to Make the One You Love Fall in Love With You" and "Psychology of Love" may provide valuable insights and instill a sense of confidence in yourself.

You may also choose to take the initiative and approach the individual you are interested in, including suggesting a blind date (which has been known to be an effective strategy). Even if the outcome is not what you had hoped for, it is not the end of the world. You will have gained valuable experience in navigating relationships, which is a form of growth. It is important to understand that rejection or the dissolution of a relationship after a period of intense feelings is not a reflection of your worthiness or unacceptability. You are a unique individual with inherent value and the capacity to experience love. The fact that you are not together at this time does not diminish your worth or the potential for a compatible relationship in the future. Adopting this mindset can also provide a sense of relief. Ultimately, it is essential to recognize that you have the ability to influence the situation and improve it.

Once you begin taking action, the various negative emotions in your heart will gradually dissipate, as action often serves as an effective antidote to such emotions.

I hope this response is helpful to you. If you would like to discuss further, please click on "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom of the page. I will then be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

Good day, landlord. I hope my response is of some assistance to you.

As long as we maintain a positive outlook, we can achieve personal happiness. There are numerous examples of this in my experience, so it is crucial for us to have hope and confidence that we will find love.

Furthermore, it is a typical human desire to seek love and intimacy as we mature. According to Erikson's eight-stage personality development theory, once we have established our self-identity, we are willing to take the risk of forming close relationships with others. When we fall in love and enter into an intimate partnership, it is a process of integrating and balancing our own identity with that of our partner.

In a romantic relationship, there will be instances of self-sacrifice or loss. However, these are necessary for the establishment of a truly intimate bond, which in turn allows for the development of a sense of intimacy in early adulthood. Without such intimacy, feelings of loneliness may arise. The quality of a romantic relationship is not determined by how amazing and outstanding one partner is, but rather by their ability to cooperate, tolerate, appreciate, support, and encourage their partner, and to grow together.

I would like to offer you the following advice:

1. Believe in the power of positive thinking and give yourself positive mental suggestions. Believe that you will meet your ideal partner.

In conclusion, the Pygmalion effect can be defined as follows:

In Greek mythology, there was a king of Cyprus named Pygmalion, who was also a sculptor. He had a preference for non-mortal women and therefore created a statue of a young girl in an ivory tower based on his ideal image. He invested significant passion, love, and energy into the statue, which subsequently came to life. He then married the young girl, fulfilling his ideal romantic partnership.

This is one of the ten effects of psychology, known as the Pygmalion effect.

The "Pygmalion effect," also known as the "expectancy effect," indicates that expectations influence outcomes. Expectations shape not just what we want, but also what we experience. As long as expectations are held with confidence and conviction, the outcome is likely to be positive. Conversely, if expectations are negative, the outcome is more likely to be negative.

It is important to have confidence in your ability to find love. Doubting your ability to do so will lead to a lack of confidence in your ability to overcome obstacles on the path to finding love. Having a clear understanding that you can find love will lead to the realisation that you can meet the love you want.

2. It is essential to understand the development rules of love in order to foster a more harmonious and nurturing intimate relationship.

When we form a romantic attachment to someone who is not a family member, we tend to treat them with care and consideration. We often invest a great deal of emotional energy into the relationship, and may even perceive the other person as a godlike figure.

At this stage, you will experience the initial passion of love. You will be infatuated with each other, believe the other person is perfect, and want to be with them all the time. There is a subtle feeling between you, and it is a very positive one.

Love is a profoundly positive emotion.

As time passes and familiarity increases, the initial passion and infatuation tend to diminish. The initial perception of perfection may also shift, as flaws and imperfections become more apparent. This is a natural progression in any relationship.

This feeling has a quality that is difficult to describe, but it is particularly appealing.

However, as you gain a deeper understanding of the individual, the initial fascination and ambiguity will diminish, as will the associated positive sentiments.

As time passes, your passion for her will diminish, and she will no longer appear as perfect and mysterious as she once did. You may even question how you could have fallen in love with someone so flawed.

It is curious that when individuals are in the throes of infatuation, they perceive their partners to be flawless. However, after the initial excitement has dissipated, particularly following the institution of matrimony, they often find themselves disillusioned and even bored.

This is related to the law of love development. In the context of love, we often imagine the other person to be perfect. Before we fully understand the other person, we will imagine them to be the ideal partner, which provides a form of mental self-satisfaction.

When we are in love, we are operating from a state of self-illusion.

As is the case with admiration, when we enter into a relationship with someone, we tend to fill in the blanks with positive attributes. However, upon closer examination and integration into their life, we may encounter flaws that were previously overlooked. In some instances, these flaws may even be intolerable, leading to a decline in admiration.

If we wish to cultivate a long-lasting love, it is essential to accept the reality that the initial feelings of love will not last forever and will gradually fade once the couple enters each other's lives.

It is essential to be prepared to accept the other person's shortcomings and imperfections. Only by accepting the ordinary and some imperfections can you progress.

It is also important to understand the laws of love development in order to anticipate developments, adhere to the relevant rules and manage relationships effectively.

Typically, intimate relationships progress through four stages: 1. The period of passion 2. The period of adjustment

3. Introspection period. 4. Enlightenment period.

Each stage also has its own characteristics and problems that need to be solved. Further information can be found by searching for relevant data or by reading books on the subject. For example, Chen Lijie's "Managing Intimacy" is an excellent source of information on the topic of intimacy.

While love is a beautiful and pure emotion, it is important to recognise that intimate relationships require nurturing and management.

3. It is essential to understand the three elements of complete love. Once these three factors are grasped, it is clear that in order to reap the warmth and happiness of love, it is necessary to express oneself.

From a psychological perspective, a complete love relationship is made up of three components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. These components are not mutually exclusive, and their relative importance varies from person to person. Some individuals prioritize passion, while others place a higher value on intimacy or commitment. There is no right or wrong, as these preferences reflect our unique views on love.

It is essential to understand the three key elements that contribute to a successful intimate relationship: passion, intimacy, and commitment.

Passion is the initial catalyst for a romantic or sexual relationship. It is the emotional fascination and sexual component of love.

The physical and inner attractiveness of an individual is a significant factor influencing passion.

The young lady in question is currently indisposed due to a stomach ailment, which has left her with insufficient energy to engage in any activity. Upon receiving a phone call from her romantic partner, however, her mood shifts dramatically, as though she has suddenly become energized.

It is evident that the girl's shift from boredom to joy is a testament to the power of passion.

Intimacy can be defined as the warm experience that can be aroused in a romantic relationship, the feeling that the two people like each other psychologically, and includes appreciation of the other party, the desire to care for the other party, self-expression, and inner communication.

If you have something on your mind, you can discuss it with your partner. They will not judge or criticize you, but rather accept and support you unconditionally. Similarly, if you feel that a need has not been met, you can communicate this to your partner. They will then endeavor to meet your needs to the best of their abilities. This is the essence of intimacy.

The term "commitment" is used to describe a decision to maintain a relationship or a guarantee. It primarily refers to an individual's inner or verbal expectations of love and is the most rational component of love. When there is commitment in a relationship, there is a sense of security and a shared expectation.

It is important to establish clear principles and expectations for the future of the relationship. These should be shared and agreed upon by both parties. It is also essential to set aside time for shared activities such as trips, movies, dinners, and public welfare activities.

It is essential to adhere to the principles of the relationship and to have shared expectations for the future. These should include plans to go on trips together, to go to the movies, to go out to dinner, and to participate in public welfare activities.

By demonstrating commitment, you can foster a sense of security within the relationship. A sense of responsibility will encourage you to take the initiative to repair the relationship after an argument, identify the underlying causes of conflict, and incorporate some surprises into your everyday interactions.

When you meet someone you love and discover that they feel the same way, it is important to cherish this connection. However, it is also essential to learn how to interact with them effectively and manage your relationship in a healthy manner. This will ensure that you can build a stable and fulfilling relationship and enjoy a long and happy life together.

Best wishes for success!

Hello, my dear friend! I'll give you a big, warm hug to show you I'm here for you.

From the simple questions, I can see your desires. At 28, you have overcome depression and started a new life. You want to become better, you are trying to get closer to your own excellence, and you long for love.

But the reality is that

First, let's face it, life is complicated, people are complicated, and human nature is unpredictable.

Second, there aren't many girls he can meet at work, so he's got to rely on arranged marriages.

Third, she's feeling a bit inadequate, inferior, and resentful.

Fourth, there's the fear of rejection.

Fifth, I'm not sure how to fall in love.

To be honest, after reading all this, I feel a bit lost. So let's not dwell on the details and just get to the bottom line together!

There are usually three ways for a person to change: the first is through thinking and understanding, the second is through feeling and experiencing, and the third is through acting and doing. These three are connected to each other in a beautiful way. When we think and understand, it can help us feel and experience in a better way. When we act and do, it can also affect how we think and understand, as well as how we feel and experience. And when we feel and experience, it can affect how we think and understand, as well as how we act and do.

I just wanted to share a few thoughts about what we hope to get from an intimate relationship and what kind of value we can provide to each other so that the other person is willing to develop an intimate relationship with us.

It's important to remember that this is about the words and actions we display, not what we're thinking inside. What we're thinking inside is not as important as how others perceive our words and actions.

It's totally normal for what other people think of us to differ from what we think of ourselves. We can even put on an act, especially if we keep doing it, and the act can become our own. You can ignore this part if you want, but it's good to know it's there.

Let's keep chatting about what we can bring to an intimate relationship. The first is sexual value, the second is monetary value, and the third is emotional value.

As a serious person, it's a great idea to focus on emotional value before entering into an intimate relationship. After all, because emotions are involved, other things may not be very important.

Otherwise, there would be a lot more people out there suffering as a result of not listening to the advice of the wise old souls!

So, first of all, you need to become someone who can provide emotional value, such as empathy, respect, understanding, attentiveness, etc. I really recommend the book Intimacy by Roland Miller.

It's always a good idea to find out what the other person needs in an intimate relationship.

Second, you might want to spruce yourself up a bit. It's true that an interesting soul is not easily seen, but a handsome appearance is still easily seen.

If you're looking for a good example of what not to do, you can search for "the most obedient man on the Internet." Last year, there was a guy on Xiaohongshu who asked why he didn't have a girlfriend. He even posted a photo of himself. The person in the photo had a round face, wore glasses, and looked like a real estate agent.

So, with the helpful advice of the netizens, he started changing his hairstyle, losing weight, changing his look, and even switching out his glasses. A year later, he had gone from a real estate agent to a handsome and elegant young man.

As the lovely folks on the internet would say, this is like having been spruced up by 100 girlfriends!

My advice to you is this: don't fight against social trends. We all love beauty, so dress yourself up a little more attractively. It will please others and make you happy.

It's so important to remember that we can't expect others to see our beautiful souls through our tired, worn-out appearances.

So, remember to spruce yourself up! If you spruce up like Eddie Peng, are you afraid you won't find a partner?

And finally, don't forget to improve your own abilities!

If you're like most of us, you have a lot going on in your life. You might have the ability to empathize, provide emotional value, and have a handsome appearance. But, let's face it, that's not enough. We all need to make an impact in this world.

Life is about the necessities of life, and these things cost money. So, it's really important to improve your ability to earn money for yourself and for those you love.

When you're busy, you won't have time to think about anything else. So, just get started!

I wish I could give you more in-depth advice, but this Q&A format doesn't allow for it. So, I'll just give you a general overview. I hope it helps!

I'm a psychological counselor who is often feeling down and sometimes feeling up, but I love you, world!

Good day, my name is Ting. It is fortuitous that we have met here.

I would like to share my own views. I am older than you, but I am still single. I believe I have experienced many of the same things you have mentioned. It seems that our experiences have some common ground.

1. Do you believe that you are undeserving of love?

The assumption that one must be inherently good or independent to be worthy of love is just one of many opinions. There is another possibility: even if one is not independent or good, there are still people who will love them, and they still have the possibility of finding love.

Given the vast number of individuals in the global population, it is inevitable that preferences and interests will vary. What one person finds appealing may not align with another's preferences, and vice versa. It is, therefore, plausible that there is a perfect match for everyone.

2. Express your love in a forthright and unreserved manner.

If there is a mutual interest, it is advisable to express it openly. Otherwise, there may be subsequent regret.

It is essential to apply this knowledge in practice and learn from experience.

The knowledge and experience gained will provide a solid foundation for future relationships and for navigating the complexities that may arise in these relationships.

3. Identify your strengths and give yourself positive reinforcement.

Identify your strengths and offer praise frequently. With incremental progress, we can all recognize and acknowledge achievements. When you receive praise from others, be generous in return and maintain a sense of self-worth.

I am listening and awaiting your input.

My dear colleague,

If the water is too clear, there are no fish; if people are too discerning, there is no way. Prior to setting one's sights on love being pure, it may be necessary to adjust one's goals.

The concept of purity and essentiality implies the presence of an unadulterated essence, devoid of any external influences. However, this ideal is largely unattainable in the real world. From the largest living organisms to the tiniest molecular structures, we rarely encounter absolute and complete forms, but rather, they are often found in a state of approximation. In the realm of emotions, this kind of absolute purity is even more elusive.

The nature of human relationships is inherently complex and dynamic. This is due to the fact that individuals are complex entities, comprising seven emotions and six desires. Consequently, when neither the subject nor the object can guarantee a single situation, it is challenging to maintain purity in the interaction between them.

Love is just one of many human emotions, and as a result, it is unlikely that love can be pure, whether in terms of its origin or its process. This is akin to the movie script for "Flipped," which states, "To love you also includes loving your character, talent, status, wealth..." Love itself is a complex phenomenon that cannot be pure. In real life, the outer limits of this kind of love may even extend to one's family and social circle, as we are not isolated individuals but rather interconnected islands in the crowd.

Therefore, love should be pursued to its conclusion, yet it should not be viewed as a solitary moon in the sky.

The reasons why humans pursue love, relationships, marriage, and other stages of life include biological instinct, desire for intimacy, and other factors such as various exchanges and needs, alliances of interest, and the necessities of life. Consequently, it is unwise to exaggerate or embellish the pursuit of love.

In this manner, one may become unblinded to the path of love, maintain a sense of groundedness, and pursue what is beneficial for others.

In the book Intimate Relationships, expectations are described as a "road to hell." It is important to note that in this context, expectations refer to the beautifying or deifying of the pursuit based on personal imagination. Such expectations can manifest as a dreamlike form of self-comfort or as a catalyst for endless greed.

The collapse of our mentality is not solely attributable to individual physiological triggers; psychological resilience in social group life is also a significant factor. One prominent aspect that has become increasingly evident in recent years is the adjustment of psychological expectations. The vast discrepancy caused by unclear positioning, coupled with the inability to justify or resolve it independently, can lead to a loss of emotional control.

It is therefore evident that early positioning is of significant importance.

The notion of "holding hands in love, promising each other forever, growing old together" is not a mere myth; rather, it represents a tangible reality of life. This reality is contingent upon a comprehensive understanding of one's partner, a capacity for long-term mutual tolerance and support, a yearning for the future, and a commitment to making progress on a daily basis. In this way, love may be said to be a constant presence, awaiting one's embrace at every turn. To realize this potential, it is essential to act with determination and purpose.

It is recommended that individuals practice self-love until they encounter a romantic interest with whom they wish to form a relationship.

Hello, I'm happy to see your account and that you're doing well. It's great to see such positive and optimistic thoughts. You seem like a good person.

After receiving therapy from a counselor, you have opened up your heart and changed your personality. You are now on your way to becoming the person you want to be, and your desire today is to find love. You are concerned that you might not find it, and that you didn't want to find it before, but now you do. You also feel that girls are too realistic these days, and you are worried that you will fail. I understand how you feel. You want love, but you are afraid of being hurt when love comes.

I would like to suggest that we consider the following:

Let's try to understand each other's thoughts.

1. In the early years of your life, when you should have been enjoying young love, you chose to shut yourself away. Whether this was your own doing or due to your family of origin, I think our counselor has already given you the answer.

Secondly, you now view girls as being quite realistic. Some are always after money, which is a perspective that is not entirely wrong. Some are indeed like you say, but it's important to remember that people are divided into different classes. There are all kinds of people. Some need money, some need a home, some need a lover, and some need children. Not all women are so materialistic, and that's okay.

3. You are at an ideal age to consider forming a romantic relationship. Allow yourself to move forward with courage and determination in your pursuit of a compatible partner. It is advisable to be prepared with a positive outlook and a contingency plan. Should this venture prove successful, it could lead to a committed partnership. However, if it does not materialise, you will have gained valuable insights and experience, which could inform your next approach.

4. You may lack experience and methods, but with confidence, you can overcome this. Even the so-called experts have experienced many failures before becoming experts.

It might be helpful to view love as either wonderful or realistic. It could be seen as the reality of two strangers coming together after a short period of hormones and entering into real life. It's possible that forever in love may not be realistic for everyone. Faced with the reality of the daily grind, having children, supporting the elderly, and financial pressures, this is what life should be like. It's worth asking what the point of two people being together is. Could it be to satisfy each other's needs? If you satisfy her needs, she may choose to be with you, and she can also satisfy your needs. This could lead to a good relationship.

I hope you will find the following suggestions and methods helpful.

1. You might find it helpful to read more, as books can provide valuable insights on topics like how to pursue a romantic interest, how to interact with others, and how to apply the lessons you learn.

2. It might be helpful to approach a romantic interest with confidence and a sense of self-assurance. It's important to believe in your ability to make the other person happy, provide them with a sense of security, and take care of them.

Third, it is important to remember that failure is a natural part of the learning process. I have experienced many failures, a few successes, and a few separations. Regardless of these experiences, it is essential to maintain a positive outlook and continue taking action.

4. Believe in love. There is love, just that there is a lot less of it. Apart from love, we also have to live. Strong women are inseparable from life, regardless of whether they are men or women. Living alone is not necessarily the best option for everyone.

I hope you find these suggestions helpful. With best regards, Liu Qi

First, change "I'm not worthy" to "I'm worthy."

It's always better to be confident than to feel inferior. You'll miss out on so many great opportunities otherwise!

Boys, being proactive is the way to go! It's much better than saying, "I could have."

Absolutely! There are so many ways to do it.

Girls really pay attention to details, so I really hope you can be as thoughtful as possible!

For example, arriving early to prepare for a date is a great idea!

For example, if the steam from the meal blows towards the woman, you can ask and help change the position, which is a great way to show your girlfriend you care!

To put it bluntly, you'll look absolutely amazing if you reduce the inconvenience to the other person and take the initiative to provide a solution!

But if doing these things makes you feel uncomfortable, then don't do them! You just need to take care of the girl as much as you can within your comfort zone. Otherwise, we are likely to accumulate resentment.

After all, we are in a relationship, and it is best if everyone is happy! We can make sure this happens by not making ourselves uncomfortable.

If you lack heart, then be the first to show you're sincere!

Second, go out there and meet as many girls as you can! The more you meet, the more you'll understand and be able to figure out what suits you best. If you try your best and it doesn't work out, that's okay! It just wasn't meant to be.

But the absolute best way to learn from experience is to write down what you could have done differently. In short, do what you feel you should do, and then you'll be so happy you did, even if you fail. As for the reasons women give for not being suitable, you don't need to care too much. After all, you can use any reason you don't like as an excuse. You just need to improve the things you think aren't good enough, and you'll be amazed at what you can do!

And now for the best part! I would like to remind you

Finding love is wonderful, but I think finding a partner is even more important!

Love is about two people leaving their daily worries behind and just having fun! It's easy to get carried away by temporary hormones.

And partners? They need the blessing of good qualities, such as cherish, loyalty, trust, and understanding, so that your love will last and stay fresh!

And finally, may you become stronger with every setback, and may you get what you want!

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm modest and humble.

Let go of your worries and try something new.

What should love be like? There are many stories about love in different cultures. Which one do you hope to encounter?

A 28-year-old single mother overcame depression and found love again. But when she faced her fears, she felt weighed down. Dear questioner, remember that all problems are just imagination.

Love is wonderful. We all want to find our own love. We've heard about what love is like for other people. We can see stories of love in legends. We should also see the love of ordinary couples. Compared with passionate, long-lasting love, it will also achieve a lot.

Use a way that suits you to meet and pursue.

Break free from the shackles of your heart and the dungeon you have created for yourself. Someone who appreciates you will accept your flaws, but someone who doesn't will see your strengths as flaws. You'll only know which is which by experiencing it. Don't limit yourself. There are different ways to love, so express it bravely.

Choose a way to explore possibilities. Many people choose blind dates to meet the opposite sex because it's cheap.

Maybe it's just a normal afternoon, the end of a date, no excitement or emotions, just good conversation. Maybe you'll meet the person you want to meet.

❀People are complex and unpredictable. This is a fact, but it's not the whole truth. There's always someone out there who'll find you. Stay hopeful. When you try to improve yourself, you open the door to new possibilities. Lack of confidence makes it harder to meet someone.

We are all ordinary people. It is enough to find our own sparkle.

Best,

From your account, it's clear that you're ready to start a relationship in the right way, even though you don't have any previous relationship experience.

So let's dive in and clarify three things: first, identify the root of your psychological desire to fall in love. Second, clarify what kind of relationship you need.

Now for the fun part! It's time to identify the right way to start a relationship.

First, identify the root of your psychological desire for a relationship!

From your account, I can tell that you were once a depressed person who experienced a relatively long period of emotionally withdrawn life. But you've come so far! As you said, "In November, I finished more than two years of psychological counseling, and I gained a lot during this counseling journey."

You've come so far! Ten years of depression is a long time, and you've made it through. I've never been in love since I was a child, either. I can relate to feeling a little inferior and a little sad. It's something we all feel at one point or another.

"I'm afraid to approach the girl I like." But you know what? You're going to be just fine!

Your psychological state has changed for the better! You're no longer afraid to approach girls, you're actively wanting to do so. This shows that you are working towards a more positive and cheerful life, which is great to see!

Absolutely! I wholeheartedly support and encourage you.

But here's the thing: you can't just wait around for a relationship to come to you. In real life, there are so many gorgeous people with great lives who are still single!

Are they not good enough? Absolutely not!

It's just that they haven't met the right person yet! This phenomenon fully illustrates one point: relationships cannot be forced. They must follow their natural course, and they are not directly related to whether or not you are a good person.

So don't feel sorry for yourself! You just need to figure out what your heart wants before you fall in love.

At this stage, you're ready to dive into a relationship and escape the loneliness of being alone. Or maybe you're eager to fit in and start your own relationship journey, just like everyone around you.

Or are you being urged by friends and family to start trying to have a relationship? Whatever the case, don't forget your original intentions!

You can work hard to have a relationship! Just don't fall in love just for the sake of it.

This is why it's so important to identify and understand your inner desires and cravings. They can sometimes act as a barrier on the road to love, but when you're clear on what you want, you're much more likely to make the right choices.

And finally, choose someone who is not quite right for you—and who knows what wonderful surprises the future holds for you!

Second, it's time to clarify your emotional needs!

The good news is that you can avoid the current high rate of breakups and divorces by simply clarifying your own emotional needs. Many people are not clear about their emotional needs, so they feel that if other people have a partner, then they should have one too. This often leads them to choose a partner without considering whether their current lives really need and can accommodate having a partner.

For example, imagine you've made a friend during the start-up phase who is not very relevant to your career. You get to spend part of your time with that person! It's a great way to learn and grow. However, it can be challenging to devote yourself fully to your work. As a result, you may find it difficult to juggle your relationships and your careers. But don't worry! This is something you can work on.

For example, some people who are not yet mentally mature enter an immature relationship, and then argue and quarrel with their partner. This is a great opportunity for them to learn and grow! They then lose confidence in the relationship and feel hurt.

The above are all mistakes made by people who are immature and do not understand their own emotional needs. But don't worry! You can avoid these mistakes by analyzing your current situation from an objective point of view, determining whether you need a partner to enter your life, and understanding what your emotional needs are before entering a relationship.

For example, you simply need someone to keep you company, or you are looking for someone suitable to marry. These are all aspects of emotional needs, and they're great!

As you said, today's society is more realistic, which is great! The partner you choose also has certain needs in terms of relationships, and these needs are not only emotional, but also in all aspects of life, which is really interesting!

Therefore, any relationship will consider the soul's compatibility based on material conditions. And the best part is that you can make your relationship the most stable and exciting it can be! All you need is a mutual rush towards each other and a need for each other.

So, before you dive into a relationship, it's essential to understand your own needs and whether you can meet the needs of your partner. This will make your future relationship more harmonious and stable!

As you said, pure love is like a dragon in human society. It is something people yearn for but no one has ever seen. Because we cannot live without the necessities of life, we need to support each other in times of trouble. And pure love is the answer!

Pure love without any distractions is too illusory. But don't worry! This is also a sign that you are not yet mature enough to long for pure love.

I really hope you can take this seriously! Otherwise, when your partner shows an impure side to their love, you might feel that she is more materialistic and worldly. But you have to understand that this is inevitable in each other's lives – and it's all part of the journey!

3. How do I start a relationship that's right for me?

Once you've clarified the above two points, it's time to find a way to start a new relationship that suits you!

From your description, it seems like you're an introvert, which is totally fine! A gradual approach would be a great way to start.

?1. Let the person you like gradually form an impression of you!

It's a great idea to add the other person to WeChat. Get their attention by liking and commenting on their account. If you don't have their WeChat, no problem! You can still make a big impression by liking and commenting on their friends' accounts.

Another great way to make a great impression is to get the other person's media account or online social networking virtual account. This will show her that you're always there for her!

Pay close attention to her messages! When you comment, make sure to use objective language so she knows you're interested in her ideas, not just trying to please her.

?2. Create opportunities for chance encounters!

If you know the way she has to go home after school or the time of her classes, try to meet her in real life at that time! This will make a deeper impression on her and make her feel that frequent encounters are a hint of fate.

If you meet her, you can simply say hello and then say goodbye. If she is willing to chat with you for a while, you might as well walk together for a while. However, don't go any closer than you feel comfortable with. Leave a safe distance between you, otherwise she will think you're stalking or harassing her, which will give a bad impression.

3. Start out as ordinary friends—it's a great way to begin!

If the other person is not repulsed by you after being impressed by you, you can start building a friendship with him by being ordinary friends and gradually get to know each other. For example, ask her for advice on issues that he is good at. This is a great way to start!

For example, if you want to buy your cousin a birthday present, ask her for her opinion. At the same time, you can also observe some of the information she posts to understand her needs and give her some objective advice on life or study.

You can also share your gains in life, school, or work! Establishing a harmonious situation of mutual assistance and common progress is a great way to further develop your relationship.

Without expressing your desire to pursue the other person, let the other person fully understand you and consider whether you are suitable for each other. This way, you'll avoid putting too much pressure on the other person, and it's a great way for the introverted you to take things slow.

If you're new to love, it's great to understand this from the start. I hope that when you first meet someone new, you'll get to know them better, figure out what you need, and end up with a love story that's perfect for you!

1. The perception of being inadequate

Many people have similar assumptions about "I'm not good enough," which can manifest in a variety of ways, including inferiority complexes, social phobias, and a tendency to seek external affirmation.

Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that "excellent" is a comparative result, and that there are often specific and clear examples in real life that can lead to the conclusion that something is not excellent.

However, they may have overlooked the limitations of the scope and object of comparison, and are not aware of the potential for generalization from a few examples. They may not realize that such comparisons can be ongoing. Fortunately, you have noticed the inappropriateness of this, and you have seen the complex multi-faceted nature of the person themselves, as well as their own "excellence," and are striving to improve in this direction.

It is clear that this positive result is of great importance to you. It also demonstrates that the version of you that exists today is undoubtedly an improvement on the version of you that existed in the past.

2. On the subject of excellence and relationships

From a broader perspective, it's worth noting that "excellent" people may not necessarily have smooth relationships. Many seemingly mismatched couples are, in fact, very happy together. In relationships, "excellent" is often a quality that is considered, and it may be in terms of money, power, or career, or it may be in terms of kindness, tolerance, and consideration. It's important to consider whether your tacitly considered excellence is aligned with what the other person values and considers. Simply equating or pairing "excellent" in a general way may not be the most effective approach. It's possible that you consider yourself excellent, but there's no guarantee that others will necessarily accept you as the same. It's not a guaranteed outcome.

If you pursue a girl, it is likely that you have a favorable impression of her, and you may be willing to get close and develop a relationship before you can pursue her. Perhaps after getting to know each other better, you may decide to take it further or withdraw. For you, it may be a matter of "what do you think?" Similarly, for the girl, it may be a matter of "what does she think?"

If there is a mentality of "not good enough to match," it could be that the standard of excellence and the subject of judgment is not you but her. It may be that this is not something you need to consider, but rather a matter for her.

3. About love

It's important to remember that knowledge and love don't come overnight. Every relationship is unique, and there's a lot we may not know, but there's also a lot we do know. Have you ever seen a pig running if you've never eaten its pork?

For instance, a relationship is an emotional connection, and liking and being liked is the foundation of a relationship. Without feelings, there can be no love. A relationship is about getting along with someone, and it's important to consider both parties' perspectives. Effective communication and compromise are essential. If there is a positive and effective specific method, it may be returning to the definition of a relationship itself.

Regarding the expression of feelings and the pursuit of a relationship, if you are not inclined to overwhelm someone with your emotions, you can discern their perception of you through their words and actions. However, it is essential to express your feelings for your own emotional well-being. With regard to rejection, as previously discussed, it is a personal matter, so it is best to move forward and continue seeking a compatible partner.

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

Hello, my name is Fei Yun, and I'm a heart exploration coach.

You are really great! I can see that you've made so much progress in just two years. You've come so far in your journey of self-discovery. For instance, you've gone from just wanting love to actively pursuing it with courage.

It's been more than two years of psychological counseling, and it's been such a journey! The counselor's role was to guide you to see more possibilities and find the resources and wisdom you already had within yourself. That's why you were able to overcome 10 years of depression — you're so strong!

You can be more confident, and you can be full of self-recognition and self-acceptance. And you know what? Only if we love and accept ourselves can we love and be accepted by others.

Everyone has the right to love and be loved, and we're here to support you in that!

You were absolutely right when you said that love is a normal human need, and that everyone has the right to love and be loved. It's just that before you didn't understand this, and you suppressed yourself. Now you are full of longing, a longing for love and a longing to connect with others.

When you can give yourself a good review, know how to praise and accept yourself, and also give others a good review, you'll naturally enjoy the happiness and abundance of interacting with others.

And guess what? Learning to love and being loved is something we can all do! We learn to love and gain the ability to connect with others through our parents' unconditional love and acceptance.

I truly believe that in the process of your counseling, you will also analyze your childhood growth experience and find the root cause, so as to cultivate and enhance your ability to love.

It's so common to feel unfulfilled in relationships. It's often because we didn't get our emotional needs met by our parents. But here's the good news! As adults, we can be our own significant others and give ourselves the love and support we need to grow up healthy, both physically and mentally.

For example, self-affirmation and self-acceptance are really important. When you feel secure, love will follow!

2. You've got this! Find more resources within yourself and regain confidence.

There are still a few things in your thinking that might need a little tweaking. Things like self-acceptance, doubts about whether you can find pure love, and ways to approach the opposite sex.

When we decide that it is 6 o'clock, it can be tricky to accept that it can also be 9 o'clock. But everything has multiple sides, so why not look at it from a different perspective?

Take blind dates, for instance. They have their limitations, sure, but everyone on a blind date has a clear goal and a unified direction: to get married, get to know each other, and get to know each other better.

Another example is reality. There's still a big difference between being in love and being married. When the passion of being in love fades, the reality of daily life sets in.

It's always a good idea to get to know each other better before tying the knot. That way, you can work through things together and really get to know each other's true colors before making such a big commitment.

If you want to learn to dance, you have to dance on the dance floor! And if you want to learn to swim, you have to jump into the pool! The same goes for finding the girl of your dreams. First, ask yourself how eager you are. Be so eager that you are filled with strength!

Being truly in love can make a person feel a little inferior, but that's okay! If you don't set off, how will you ever get there?

You can ask those who have been there for some successful experiences and methods, or you can read some books and language programs. I'm sure you'll find lots of great tips and advice!

Everything is "no experience without experience." And you know what? Confidence is key! Let the other person feel your sincerity, let go of all your defenses and pretenses, and you will attract people who are on the same wavelength as you.

I really hope this is helpful for you, and for the world! And I love you! ??

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click 'Find a coach' in the top right or bottom of the page. I'd love to keep talking with you one-on-one!

Hello, questioner! You ask, "Is it still possible for a 28-year-old single man to find love?"

"Love is the eternal main theme of humanity. First of all, I'd like to commend you for pursuing and longing for love. It shows you're seeking a more meaningful and higher-quality life. You're ambitious, not just in terms of how long you want to live but also in terms of what you want to achieve.

Let's take a look at your question together.

You mentioned that you finished more than two years of psychological counseling in November of this year. It seems like you've gained a lot from this counseling journey. The most important thing is that you've overcome ten years of depression.

You've never been in love since you were a child. To be honest, you feel a little inferior and resentful. In the past, more often than not, it was because you felt inferior and weren't good enough.

I'm too shy to approach the girl I like. I used to think that if I was good enough, I would have pure love. As you work on yourself, you can't say that you are good enough, but at least you are getting closer to being good enough for yourself.

Do you crave love? I really do. For a long time, you thought that you could only have love if you were independent.

You've come to realize that love is a normal human need. For a long time, you've been suppressing it, but you're ready to embrace it. You want to open yourself up and find your own pure love. But in the real world, materialism is everywhere, people's hearts are complex, human nature is unpredictable, and it seems like it's tough to find your own love. On top of that, you only have limited time to work, so the only way to meet girls is through matchmaking.

For instance, when you meet a girl, you often feel inadequate and unworthy. What should you do if she rejects you? I'm new to relationships, so I'm not sure what's best. Please advise.

You're a great person with your own strengths.

As psychologists often say, "Helping others helps yourself." You were able to get out of a ten-year depression with the help of a counselor and completely overcome it, which shows that you have a lot of power within you.

If you don't have the strength to fight depression on your own, it might be hard for a counselor to help you overcome it. But you can always make yourself better and keep working hard to become the best version of yourself.

This shows that you're an excellent and powerful person. You lead a life that is full of light, strength, resilience, and positivity.

The well-known psychologist Alfred Adler said there are three main things in life that people struggle with: work, relationships with other people, and love.

The famous psychologist Alfred Adler said there are three main things in life: work, relationships with other people, and love. The love you're interested in now is what Adler calls "the issue of love." But Adler's issue of love isn't just about romantic love. It's also about friendship and family love.

It takes courage to love and be loved. In your description above, you mentioned that you used to be afraid to think about love, thinking that you were not qualified to pursue it. However, as your thinking progressed and developed, you discovered that love is a necessity for human beings, and that everyone has the right to pursue it.

Kudos! You've expanded your perspective on love and can now view it from a broader, more global standpoint. You've elevated your thinking in terms of love. When it comes to actively pursuing your own love, you might feel a bit overwhelmed.

While you've opened your mind to a new way of thinking about love, there are still many obstacles and uncertainties in real life that might make you feel a little discouraged. As they say, "The ideal is full, but the reality is skinny." It takes courage to step from the ideal to reality and find your own love in reality.

Self-acceptance, trusting others, and contributing to others are things that many people have to work on throughout their lives.

You've probably heard a lot about self-acceptance during your two years of counseling. It's easy to say, but not so easy to do.

A person has to be able to accept themselves, warts and all. Only then will others be able to accept them. Even if others don't accept you, it doesn't matter because you accept everything about yourself and everything others do to you. So, whether others accept you or not won't harm you, but your acceptance of others may prompt others to accept you in return.

To trust others, we have to trust them unconditionally. I trust someone not because of what they have, but because I trust them as a person. To be able to trust others, we must first be able to trust ourselves. Only when we trust ourselves will we trust others.

Once we've achieved self-acceptance and trust in others, and contribute to them in our interactions, our relationships will naturally develop in a better and deeper direction. It might be tough to achieve these three things, but it's worth practicing for a lifetime.

Host

Best of luck, and I hope my answer is helpful. The world and I love you!

Dear question asker, I admire your courage in overcoming a period of depression that lasted more than 10 years.

It is natural to desire love and companionship. The questioner is seeking a relationship based on mutual respect and understanding. However, when he interacts with girls, he tends to feel inferior, afraid, and shy. How can he navigate these feelings in a way that aligns with his values?

It might be helpful to consider the following advice:

There is nothing wrong with pursuing a pure love. However, we cannot hold "love" too high and become detached from reality. Love is essentially a man developing a favorable impression of a woman, and at the same time, this woman also developing a favorable impression of this man. This favorable impression may be instantaneous, or it may be cultivated slowly and familiarity gradually established. Eventually, feelings and mutual dependence develop between the two, and then the two live together, experiencing and facing the vast majority of the rest of their lives together. Is that considered love?

It is also considered love. It's just that time changes, people change, and the way the two of you get along changes too. Sometimes, breaking up and leaving is also about finding a better, more suitable, and more comfortable way to go on living.

When you're in a relationship, it's important to approach it with a sense of normalcy and ease. It's a natural process of mutual attraction, and being in a relationship also requires a certain level of experience and practice. As you navigate this journey, you'll gradually learn how to align your needs with those of your partner. It's essential not to dwell on past failures or negate yourself because of a few unsuccessful relationships. If you feel the conversation is losing steam, it's okay to let go.

It would be beneficial to put yourself first. Being submissive and compromising may lead to difficulties in the long run. Your partner may appreciate you more for being respectful and decent. This approach may not be sustainable in the long term. It might be helpful to consider a different way of relating.

I hope my answer can be of some help to you. I remember when I was in my first relationship, I was heartbroken for years after the breakup, but now I look back and think what a beautiful memory it was. It's important to embrace the feelings of each moment, whether they're happy or sad, painful or joyful. We should also believe that we are constantly growing through the experience of failure and success, thus building a richer life.

Good day, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing, and I extend my support to you.

I would like to extend my sincerest congratulations on overcoming a decade of depression by completing over two years of psychological counseling in November.

After the passing of my mother six years ago, I also suffered from depression for an extended period. As a result, I am acutely aware of the challenges associated with overcoming this condition.

You previously exhibited a reluctance to engage in romantic relationships, which may have been influenced by your depressive state.

Depression can lead to feelings of inadequacy and a lack of self-worth.

The counselor provided guidance and support, fostering a sense of self-worth and love.

In the past two years of counseling, the counselor has assisted in rediscovering your identity and developing a positive outlook on life and values. This is a notable achievement.

I believe it would be beneficial for the questioner to refrain from labeling himself as a 28-year-old single man.

It is worth noting that there are numerous individuals of a similar age who have not yet started a family.

You may lack experience in initiating romantic relationships, which could be a contributing factor to your current situation.

In addition to matchmaking, does your workplace regularly organize social gatherings?

If such events are held, I would encourage your participation.

As your social circle grows, the prospect of romantic interest may also expand.

Take a moment to consider whether there is anything about you that you believe to be negative.

I would like to bring your attention to a recent topic on the platform's dynamics. It is about writing your highlights and participating in a 30-day non-repetitive challenge. I would encourage the questioner to participate in this activity.

It is reasonable to assume that girls who like you will find something attractive about you.

Your assertion is that being outstanding is just one of the criteria for girls to fall in love, not the only one.

There is a popular idiom that states, "If you bloom, the butterflies will come."

It is important not to adopt a pessimistic outlook, assuming that girls will definitely not like you and refuse to go out with you.

Adopting this mindset increases the likelihood of the desired outcome.

This phenomenon is analogous to the "white bear effect" in psychology.

The more you attempt to suppress the thought, the more it will occupy your mind.

It is important to remind yourself that there will undoubtedly be a girl who will like you, given time.

As this is your inaugural experience with dating a woman, there are a few key areas that require your attention.

For example, avoid inquiring about her family situation, such as the number of people in her family or their income, on the second or third date.

Otherwise, even if she is genuinely interested, she may perceive your advances as too rapid, which could potentially lead to her withdrawing from the relationship.

I hope that the issue you are experiencing can be resolved in the near future.

At this time, I can only offer the above suggestions.

I hope my above response is both helpful and inspiring to you. As the respondent, I am committed to studying hard every day.

On behalf of Yixinli, I would like to extend my best wishes to you.

You are loved not because you are outstanding, but because you two can become better together. Let each other be more comfortable being yourselves!

It's so important to be kind to ourselves and to give each other space. If one person feels bad about themselves and clings to another, both will be exhausted in the end. It's not a good idea to be the one clinging to someone else, so let's all try to be the one clinging!

I don't think you want either, sweetheart. Even if someone isn't outstanding in every way, they still have wonderful qualities that make them special. Kindness, empathy, and filial piety are just a few examples of traits that are worth entrusting to someone.

When you really love someone, they're the most adorable person in your eyes! Of course, reality will take into account material conditions, family, work, etc., but at the end of the relationship, you'll find that even if they seem to be very good on the outside, they're actually selfish to the core and not the person you want to grow old with. They're not looking for a lover, but a servant!

A person becomes outstanding because they receive love and encouragement, which makes them better. And you know what? Even if you're not that good now, the two of you can support each other and work together!

You want to give the girl more security and a better material foundation, which requires worldly excellence and the ability to help her face problems together.

Go for it! You'll find someone who's just right for you, and the two of you will become better together. Get out there and do more things, you never know who you'll meet! Don't limit yourself to a small circle.

I really think that sincerity is always a surefire way to go for it!

There's always love in the world for you, and you might find it right around the corner.

Go for it! Keep at it even if you don't succeed. Most people want love, and it's not unusual to not have found it by 28.

In today's society, young people are waiting longer to fall in love and get married for various reasons. There are too many of them. You were right in the past: as long as you are good, you will find love.

It's not that if someone is outstanding, there will be love, and it's not that if someone is not outstanding, there will be no love. Love is a bit like metaphysics: if the person you like happens to like you back, that's love.

If the person you like doesn't like you back yet, you can still try your best to win them over. If you succeed, it's still perfect love; if you don't, it's okay, there will be someone else. So, love is not about waiting.

Love itself is pure, but pure love also needs some challenges. I have seen the questioner's description, which mentions pure love several times. Love itself is actually not pure. For example, if you like someone, what do you like about her?

What about a beautiful appearance? Or a bright smile?

A cheerful personality? Some wonderful qualities?

Exceptional abilities? Dedication to work?

...and so on. Even if it's love at first sight, there must be something that has touched you. And whatever touches you is subject to change, so the so-called purity may not be there anymore.

A beautiful love is two people moving towards each other, accepting each other, and supporting each other. In fact, it's often easier to find a suitable love and marriage through blind dates because you've already been selected, and you can gradually understand each other better in the future.

That's why a good love and marriage often require a lot of hard work.

Figure out what you need, what you want, set some solid goals, and build a future together. You're a great person who can beat depression and achieve excellence. Without a strong heart and self-discipline, it's tough to make it. Many people give up and give in to depression, but you didn't give up and came out on top.

You're great, and you deserve the love of an outstanding girl.

Then, going out after work lets you expand your social circle and show off your charm in more situations and fields. It's a great way to meet new people. Second, you should embrace the idea of love. Open your mind to blind dates and choose from among those who have already been selected to develop a relationship. This approach often leads to higher success rates.

3. Have a realistic view of love that suits you. What are your priorities?

What kind of person are you looking to fall in love with and spend the rest of your life with? This is something you should think about as a mature man.

4. Don't be afraid of failure. Learn from it and you'll understand your own heart and desires better.

I hope you find the love of your life soon!

Dear question asker,

From my perspective, you seem to embody the qualities of a kind, warm, and sunny young man, particularly after giving you a warm hug and seeing your reward amount. Given your admirable age and admirable qualities, I believe it would be unfair to say that you are not worthy of a beautiful love.

[Consider identifying the sightseeing spots within yourself]

Apart from money, which can sparkle, finding and publicizing the sparkle in yourself every day is also a good way to overcome low self-esteem. You mentioned that you have just finished more than two years of psychological counseling and have come out of depression. This is a great achievement! You are brave and wise. You are aware of the many people who are still deeply depressed without knowing it, or who know that they are depressed but have no way to enter a counseling room, or are unable to meet a suitable counselor. Being lucky is also a wonderful advantage.

There is a challenge currently being held on the Yi Xin platform: for 30 days, try not to dwell on the positive qualities you find in yourself. After receiving psychological counseling, you should have experienced the feeling of being seen correctly. That's right, that is love. A lack of self-confidence can lead to feelings of inferiority. Buddhism describes someone who is very pious as someone who believes what they hear. Nowadays, people still want to see for themselves. Therefore, it's important to develop the ability to discover your own strengths. By the tenth day, you may feel like you are about to start shining. There is a saying that goes: if you bloom, the flowers and butterflies will come of their own accord.

It is not my intention to suggest that you should go around flirting. Rather, I believe that you should be a confident and attractive person.

[It would be beneficial to actively learn the art of love]

I'm happy to hear that you haven't experienced love at the age of 28. You have the opportunity to start with a clean slate. You have gained some social experience, and after psychological counseling, your mind is more mature. You have never had better conditions to encounter love. You can avoid many pitfalls in love and use your emotions sensibly. Here are two recommended love bibles: one is Fromm's "The Art of Love" and the other is "Feeling Love: The Art of Happiness in Intimate Relationships".

In his book, The Art of Love, Fromm suggests that in order to achieve a successful and fulfilling love life, it is essential to develop one's personality in a way that fosters positive interpersonal skills. He emphasizes the importance of having the capacity to love and care for others, as well as the value of sincerity, humility, courage, loyalty, and personal qualities that contribute to a fulfilling relationship.

[Practical Guide to Love]

In addition to matchmaking, there are many other ways to meet your future partner in the community, including at tennis courts and gyms. It's also worth noting that having a pet can be beneficial in terms of love luck, as it allows you to connect with other pet owners. If your pet is a puppy, for instance, your grooming hook might lead you to your partner when you walk the dog.

Additionally, it may be beneficial to develop a variety of interests and hobbies to enhance your personal profile. Participating in some public welfare activities could also be a great way to meet many caring and outstanding girls.

I'm a psychological counselor, Zhang Huili. I hope my answer can be of some help to you. If you find it useful, I'd be grateful if you could leave a tip and click like before leaving. I wish you all the best and hope you meet the right person soon.