Couldn't find your Chinese boyfriend after breaking up with your African boyfriend and returning to China?

Dear Questioner, I extend my support and encouragement to you. I hope that you will not be unduly influenced by the comments you have encountered online. I encourage you to follow your heart and take the courageous step of breaking up with your African boyfriend.

From an emotional standpoint, the relationship is not a good fit. The questioner is reluctant to end the relationship due to the discriminatory comments they have encountered online. It is understandable that this has caused confusion and sadness. This is an issue of how to recognize online information. It is important to note that online information is both diverse and narrow-minded.

1. The information available online is diverse.

It seems reasonable to posit that the questioner has friends who hold similar views. The questioner's description of their friends indicates that they did not oppose the questioner's relationship with an African boyfriend. However, such views have become increasingly common on the internet. This is due to the anonymity and convenience of the internet, which allows a multiplicity of opinions to be expressed. It is evident that there are individuals who hold racist views. These individuals are able to express their views and quickly find others who espouse similar views.

However, it is important to recognize that these individuals represent only a portion of the larger social landscape, rather than being indicative of the prevailing attitudes within society at large.

2. The information on the Internet is narrow-minded.

The advent of search engines and recommendation systems has resulted in a narrowing of the information available on the internet. Individuals can now access a steady stream of information, whether it is positive or negative.

When searching for negative comments about black African girlfriends, it is inevitable that such comments will appear due to the narrow-minded nature of the internet. However, this does not necessarily indicate that such individuals represent the mainstream of society.

3. Is discrimination against Africans a prevalent phenomenon in China? What are the underlying causes of this discrimination?

It is not possible to answer the question of whether this kind of discrimination is mainstream. What can be said is that if an individual has a wide circle of friends and respects others, they are unlikely to discriminate against others on the grounds of skin colour. Furthermore, they are also unlikely to discriminate against relatives or friends who have socialised with people of a particular skin colour, or even to go online and deliberately post malicious comments.

The rationale behind discriminatory practices is the perception that an individual's skin color signifies a particular attribute that is disliked. However, establishing a definitive link between these perceptions and discriminatory actions is challenging.

From another perspective, this experience can assist the questioner in avoiding implicit racial discrimination in future interactions.

It is my hope that the aforementioned response will provide the questioner with the clarity they seek.

Hello, host.

First of all, they'll show they understand and sympathize with you, and want to give you a big hug to feel the warmth of the world. ?

From what you've told me, it seems like you and your African boyfriend are in love, planning to get married, and living together without being married. However, because of some problems that have arisen during the course of living together, you feel like you and he are not a good match, and the thought of breaking up has occurred to you.

However, your desire to break up is being hindered by some discriminatory remarks, which makes you feel uneasy and anxious that you may not be able to find a boyfriend.

The first thing the original poster needs to understand is that you want to break up because you and your African boyfriend don't feel right together. This is the main conflict and the main reason why you want to leave your boyfriend.

It's important to remember that a breakup shouldn't be influenced by external opinions or other factors that might affect your own thoughts and feelings. It's like having a negative opinion of you expressed by someone close to your boyfriend.

Should your boyfriend break up with you because of these incorrect and hurtful remarks?

❗️So, we're actually more concerned about some fundamentally incorrect and discriminatory remarks than we are about whether a firm choice of one's own inner thoughts is correct?

You also understand that these remarks are the more deeply-rooted thoughts of some people, but this is the open century of the 21st century. I believe that most people will not hold a negative view of you because of this remark, even though such thoughts still exist.

? These days, lots of people are marrying foreigners, and even some love bloggers share their daily lives with their foreign boyfriends. People's views of their foreign boyfriends are also very positive, so they're much better than some awful or mediocre men. In fact, why should nationality and race matter in a relationship? Everyone is born free and equal, so who's more noble than who, and who can discriminate against who?

The most important thing is to listen to your inner voice. You're just having an ordinary relationship, whether it crosses nationalities and races or not. You're just an ordinary person having an ordinary relationship. Why do you care about what people say online? You're not a big internet celebrity or a politician, so you can't expect to cause a huge uproar over the slightest thing. We're just ordinary people, and not that many people care about you, and not that many people can discriminate against you.

And when you're dating someone, you should first and foremost pay attention to their values. If their values are not correct and they think it's fine that you have an African boyfriend and discriminate against you or don't want to be with you because of that, then do you think their values are correct? Or should you be with them?

I think you know why someone like this would be with you.

People who really love you, truly understand you, and want to be with you won't discriminate against you because of this.

There's still a long time to come, so the host should just relax. Also, when we ask people how many times they've been in love or how many boyfriends they've had, no one usually thinks to ask what nationality their boyfriend is. So, the host thinks this person is worth getting to know better or worth keeping in touch with, so just be honest with him and say whatever you want to say.

I wish the original poster all the best and much happiness.

Greetings.

In recent discussions with foreign acquaintances online, it has been suggested that the reputation of African men in relationships is not as unfavourable as is commonly perceived.

Moreover, a considerable number of African individuals have established permanent residences in China. With regard to the notion of "taking over," it is important to note that this phenomenon is not primarily driven by racial considerations.

Some individuals who believe they are capable of maintaining multiple relationships may utilize jealousy as a means of retaliating against others for causing them emotional distress. It is also not uncommon for older individuals to be concerned about their bloodline and heritage and to take umbrage at those who slander them for ulterior motives.

An individual's perspective on relationships is not contingent on race, but rather on the quality of the relationship itself. This concept is analogous to the formation of friendships: if the relationship is profound, individuals will invest a significant amount of time together; conversely, if the relationship is superficial, individuals will interact less frequently.

As Han Geng observed in his Ex-Files series, it is rare for individuals to encounter only positive experiences in their romantic relationships. Despite the existence of love at first sight and childhood sweethearts, these cases represent the minority.

The majority of individuals encounter fluctuations in their romantic relationships. To progress, it is essential to be accustomed to these fluctuations and to possess similar values. When one is in a relationship and in love with their partner, it is challenging to erase one's past experiences.

It is advisable to disregard online comments, as they can distract from one's own relationship. It is important to recognize that jealousy can be detrimental to a relationship, akin to a crack in a glass.

Such a relationship will inevitably succumb to the inevitable pressures that arise in any relationship. It is therefore imperative to focus on nurturing and sustaining one's own relationship, rather than allowing external influences to impact it negatively. The question, therefore, is not whether to care about what others say, but rather how to navigate the complexities of modern relationships in a way that is constructive and beneficial for all parties involved.

Ultimately, it is the individual who must assume responsibility for their own relationship. It is not sufficient to merely observe and react to external influences; rather, one must actively engage in and shape the relationship.

It is evident that there are suggestions that can be considered and evaluated.

Should one encounter similar discriminatory verbal attacks in their immediate environment, it is advisable to seek assistance. Until such a time, there is no cause for undue concern.

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun. 2023 is going to be a happy year for you.

I can feel your emotions. You're torn. On the one hand, you've lived with your African boyfriend for a while and found many things to be inappropriate. You want to break up. On the other hand, you've read online about the comments of Chinese girls who have dated black men. You're worried, aggrieved, and angry.

You're facing a dilemma in this relationship. Let's take a look at the problems troubling you from afar.

?1. You make your own way in life, and you have the right to choose.

You have the right to love someone, and there is nothing wrong with love.

You and your African boyfriend have gone from meeting to getting to know each other to falling in love because you have something that attracts each other. It could be character, temperament, ability, or something else.

If you break up, there will be reasons. They'll be reasonable, unique to you, and based on things like personality conflicts and differences in values.

Cohabitation before marriage is a necessary "trial marriage" stage. There is a fundamental difference between being in love and getting married. Life is not just about romance. You can only find out whether you can successfully get along with each other and navigate the complexities of married life by living together first.

Many celebrities in the entertainment industry have had flash marriages and divorces, including Wei Wei and Ning Jing. They both divorced their foreign husbands because they were from different countries with different cultures and traditions, which had a specific impact on their lives.

You have the power to choose whether to separate or reunite. Online comments can provide insights, but they're not the final word. Just like the per capita income of a company might be 50,000 yuan, but for a specific employee, it could be 100,000 or 5,000.

People always measure a person or thing with their own values and feelings. Don't let the Internet or other people's words influence your personal feelings, your African boyfriend, or your future soulmate.

2. Marriage is like a pair of shoes: only you know if they fit. Don't let other people's opinions dictate your happiness.

You've already realized that you and your boyfriend are not a good match while living together. If you continue to tolerate him just because you're afraid of the potential consequences of breaking up and even getting married, you'll face even more conflicts and misfortune.

Happiness is something you want for yourself and enjoy for yourself. Don't live in the words of others or the gaze of others.

You don't have to make a choice right away. You can break up. Give yourself time alone or a "window of absence" to calm down and reflect on your relationship. Repair and resolve differences and conflicts before marriage.

If differences cannot be reconciled and there are principled conflicts, you must stop the loss in time. "If Only I Knew Before Marriage" is a definitive guide to family and marriage, as well as a comprehensive guide to love.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you want to continue the conversation, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

I am Duo Duo Lian, and I am here to support you.

I lived with an African boyfriend and discovered many problems. It was clear to me that it was not suitable. I didn't know where to go in the future, which led to depression. I decided it was time to sort things out. I was willing to ask for help, and I was confident that I would receive a positive response.

The influence of traditional thinking has led to prejudice against women's restrictions in marriage and love, which has resulted in women's passivity and unfairness in marriage. You have the power to decide whether you want to continue or break this ideological bondage.

Live in the present. You know you can't do it all, and no one knows what tomorrow will bring. Focus on what you can do now. Your ex-boyfriend once gave you support and companionship. You wanted to get married, and you had countless joys and happy memories. Follow your heart. You are important.

You ask for help from those around you and dare to listen to other people's advice. Many people are unable to do this. Some people live in their own world and resist the outside world. You have an inner strength, and you want to follow your heart, but you also have doubts. These two forces are constantly at odds, exhausting you.

You're tired, so take a step back and ask yourself what you truly want. You'll find the answer. Life is about making choices, and you have to accept your limitations. If you can't do something, you can still surpass it. We always want to present the best side of ourselves, but we also have to accept our flaws. Many people cannot change because they don't accept their flaws, and that's the source of their pain.

People are attracted by influence. When you are your best self, have a clear understanding, can affirm yourself, and empower yourself, your inner strength will become stronger and stronger. Of course, we also need the impetus of external forces to enhance our sense of value and give ourselves a constant source of motivation.

Love yourself, live in harmony with yourself, meet your needs, don't be hard on yourself, and know that life is long and is a process of experience. Happiness is very important to us. Go your own way and let others talk.

Hello, question asker.

I'll give you a hug. You've been through a bad breakup and now you're worried about the future. It's stressful. This society is unfair to women. There are still a lot of things that objectify women. I've never heard of the argument the questioner mentioned, but I'm sure it has something to do with the idea that a child will inherit the genes of their father.

This statement disrespects women. Women are treated as machines in marriage and are men's property. Because people have more open sexual attitudes, having sex before marriage is no longer something to show off. But many people are misogynistic and slut-shame.

If you accept this identity, you'll devalue yourself. You'll be grateful and accept it as long as someone takes over. You'll lower your standards and enter a relationship with low self-esteem. The first piece of advice I want to give you is to view yourself correctly.

What is misogyny and slut-shaming?

Misogyny is hatred or disgust towards women or girls. It reinforces gender discrimination by punishing those who reject the inferior status of women and rewarding those who accept it. It is manifested in many ways, including gender discrimination, social exclusion, hostility, denigration or belittlement of women, sexual objectification, denial of women's rights, violence against women, patriarchy, male-centrism, male privilege, etc.

Also, although misogyny is most common among men, it also exists among women. It is not hatred of a particular woman, but hatred of women in general.

Slut-shaming is the idea that women who have sex are shameful. It means they don't deserve sympathy. Slut-shaming is also a common sexual competition strategy among women.

We teach others how to treat us.

You seem to have a low sense of self-worth. Living with your boyfriend makes you treat others as inferior. You pay particular attention to comments about "taking over." What happened when you two were living together and talking about marriage? Did racial discrimination play a role?

In the TV series "Furious," the male lead An Xin and the second male lead Yang Jian have different perceptions of themselves. An Xin lost both his parents at a young age and grew up with Meng Yu. He always knew who he was and felt responsible for his lover. He felt that Meng Dehai had treated him like a son since he was young. Although he left his lover for his beliefs, he was happy in the end. In contrast, Yang Jian's attitude changed after he first met Meng Yu. He took advantage of the situation and won the beautiful woman. To prove he was worthy of her, he went to prison.

Premarital sex is just a part of a relationship. If you feel bad after it, you will try to prove yourself in the relationship. Men can prove themselves by working hard at their careers, but women who want to prove themselves in a relationship can only overcompensate. A woman who overcompensates will never be happy. People have different opinions on marriage, but today's low marriage rate and high divorce rate show that society is changing.

Faithfulness is built on growth, compromise, and integration between two people.

What has this relationship taught you?

Every experience is a treasure. Not only will you break up with your African boyfriend if you live together, but many international marriages will also end in divorce. The key is self-awareness and self-reflection. Love at first sight is the same in every relationship. The difficulty lies in daily life. The other day I watched a video about self-love. The host made three points:

First, stay away from relationships that make you feel uncomfortable. You ended the relationship because you felt it could no longer nourish you. Then you should know what made you feel uncomfortable. Was it the other person's fault, or did the relationship trigger some wounds? How will you deal with those wounds? Are they already healed, or will you bring them into the next relationship? Think carefully about these questions.

Pay attention to your physical health.

The third point is to spend time with the people and things you like. You know what you don't like after a bad relationship. So, what do you like? You're emotionally dependent. Don't rush into a new relationship until you're ready.

Think about why you're afraid of not having a boyfriend.

Women have suffered prejudice for a long time. This makes them feel less worthy and blame themselves for things. When women become more aware, society will be fairer. I like a book by Zhang Defen called "Encountering a Better Self." I think you should read it. During this time, learn to love yourself.

I'm Zhang Huili, the Sunshine Dolphin. I hope this helps. If you like it, please like it. Women helping women.