Did I go too far by asking my boyfriend to buy durian, and he said I was sacrificing him to satisfy myself?

Hello, I was also angry when I saw your question. I felt my boyfriend was being petty and didn't love me. I don't know if you felt the same!

You're brave for expressing your needs so directly and not giving up after your boyfriend gave you three refusals. You still try to communicate with him, which is great. Many people lose their temper or back down after being rejected, but you didn't. You tried to ease the communication through your tone, but your boyfriend's words probably hurt you. Normally, anyone who is misunderstood may have an emotional response, and you are not wrong.

If you don't understand each other, you can't communicate. If your boyfriend rejects you twice and says you only let him pay, I don't know why. Is it money?

Maybe he doesn't have time for a relationship. See if his reasons make sense.

From your text, I can't tell how you usually get along. I can only see that you love him more. If your requests are always rejected and you always give in, you need to rethink your relationship. The way two people get along is mutual, and the balance between giving and receiving is important. This is how a good relationship lasts. Finally, if you're not ready to end the relationship, don't always talk about breaking up. This will make the other person feel insecure.

I'll give you a hug from afar. You're a good girl. I hope you find happiness.

Hello! I'd like to extend a warm hug from afar to you first.

You may be experiencing a certain degree of guilt and self-blame at this moment.

Expressing your needs in a relationship is an important act that requires courage and confidence. When you expressed your needs, he did not respond in the way you expected. Instead, he blamed you or even attacked your character, which made you feel particularly aggrieved. This suggests that the way you expressed your needs could have been done in a more appropriate manner.

From your description, it seems that you were pleading with him in a submissive manner to buy you durian. This may indicate a lack of acceptance of your own inner needs. It's possible that you feel your needs are excessive or that they can go unmet.

If you believe your needs are justified in a relationship, it would be beneficial to be firm, speak up for yourself boldly and directly, and sincerely express how you feel if he is willing to respond to your needs. This could help to make him feel respected, needed, and appreciated, while also showing him that you are not forcing your needs on him, but are giving him the option to respond to your needs if he wishes.

My name is Lily, and I'm here to help.

I hope my answer is helpful.

You care about your boyfriend and want his understanding and support. You want him to help you buy another durian, but he always finds a reason not to go. In the end, he still chooses not to go and feels that you are trying to satisfy yourself at his expense.

We need to understand why he has been reluctant to buy durian. What is his real reason?

He probably doesn't want to sacrifice himself to satisfy you. There are probably other reasons, but at that time, he just didn't want to buy the durian.

We must reflect on our attitude when communicating with him. Is it respectful and understanding? Or is it pleading?

Was it a reproach? Or was it arrogance?

...

Tell me in what kind of situation your boyfriend is more willing to "listen to you." I want to know why he is willing to listen to you in that situation.

Did you meet some of his needs in that situation?

The reality is that the same thing can have completely different effects when we communicate with different attitudes and in different ways.

When communicating, tell the other person your true feelings and needs without judging or accusing. Don't tell them what to do. If they don't know what your needs are, they won't do those things because they may not feel it's important or necessary.

When you express your real needs and feelings, he will understand the reasons behind them and be able to understand you better. At the same time, he will also feel your need for him and his own value.

Tell him, "I need you to go buy me two durians, but you never do. It makes me feel sad and uncomfortable. I really need your support, especially when I'm facing difficulties. I care about your attitude towards me because I love you. Why don't you want to buy the durians for me? Talk to me about your feelings and needs."

Listen carefully to his feelings and needs. You'll see he didn't refuse to buy the durian on purpose. He has his reasons. Keep communicating. Don't accuse or blame. Express your feelings sincerely. You'll understand each other better.

He's ignoring you, so he must be angry. But why? You need to communicate and understand his anger. You can also express your feelings and needs without judgment or accusation. For example, you could say, "I'm sad and regretful that you ignored me after I told you we were breaking up. I'm also worried about you. I need your love and care. I hope we can continue going forward together. Tell me how you feel and what you need. Talk to me about it."

It is a simple fact that two people who get along will inevitably encounter various conflicts and contradictions. There will be times when it is impossible to solve the problem at all. However, if you use sincere communication to promote mutual understanding and enable each other to learn to understand and respect each other, you will find that conflicts and contradictions are a good opportunity to promote the development of the relationship.

Best wishes.

From your written account, I can discern your feelings of anger and helplessness, as well as the distress caused by a lack of comprehension.

You have indicated that your boyfriend is aware of your fondness for durian. I have a few questions.

Firstly, I would like to ascertain whether your boyfriend typically purchases durians for you, or whether this is a more frequent occurrence.

Secondly, it would be helpful to ascertain whether your boyfriend enjoys durian. If he does purchase this item, how do you typically reciprocate?

Third, who typically assumes responsibility for the primary financial obligations of the two of you? Or do you split these costs equally?

The issue appears to be a result of today's incident, but it is likely an accumulation of underlying emotions that have been brewing for some time. It is important to recognize that a single trigger can have a significant impact.

You stated that you gave the durian away, but to whom did you give it? Who are the individuals with whom your boyfriend was in the company of at the time?

Therefore, your request for your boyfriend to purchase the item is for you and your family to consume it. There is nothing inappropriate about your boyfriend purchasing it for you. However, you have indicated that you would prefer to consume it with your family. There is nothing wrong with that, as you are expected to be respectful of your family. However, you have not yet married your boyfriend.

The underlying issue is a discrepancy in expectations. Your boyfriend is actually hoping you would join him for a meal at his place or that you would return to your family's home for a meal with them. Throughout this process, it seems that your needs and those of your family have been overlooked, while your boyfriend has been consistently accommodating.

Your actions did not address your boyfriend's needs.

The comments made by your boyfriend are not a significant issue. He has expressed his dissatisfaction. It may appear as though he is not interested in purchasing the durian, but he has actually conveyed his inner longing and desire to be seen. He also has needs, and he wants you to purchase what he enjoys eating. You feel that you have gone too far, but you have already formed an opinion and made a decision. You are experiencing confusion.

I hope that you will be able to see and be loved, and be happy for the rest of your life.