Discovering her husband's affair, she caused a scene to prevent their interactions, and her husband insists on divorce.

Hello, question owner, I can sense the sadness and confusion in your words about the pattern of your relationship with your husband. I will try to describe my point of view, and I hope that my next answer will be helpful to you.

The book "Secrets of Intimacy" suggests that relationships progress through four stages of intimacy. It seems that only after you have experienced all four stages will your relationship last. The stages are said to be the honeymoon period, the power struggle period, the death period, and the partnership period. It is thought that the partnership period is a more perfect model for couples to get along.

It would seem that your husband was having an affair with someone else, and you took the step of stopping them from coming that night. This may have led to a period of frozen or cold war, which could be characterised as a period of power struggle.

One of the most evident indications of a power struggle is the prevalence of arguments. However, at the core of these disagreements lies a fundamental misunderstanding: the perception that one's partner is neglecting their needs or failing to contribute. It's crucial to recognize that we are all adults, and ultimately, we are responsible for fulfilling our own needs.

It might be helpful to consider the emotional needs behind your outbursts when you discover your husband is having an affair and try to stop them. It's natural to get angry in such situations, but it could be beneficial to detect the fear behind the anger.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what you are afraid of.

It may be helpful to focus on your own needs and feelings in order to improve your relationship with your husband.

It is important to remember that when a husband is unfaithful, it often indicates that the relationship between the two of you has reached a point of breakdown. It is crucial to focus on repairing the relationship. Everyone has emotional needs, and your husband's may be to return to the romantic beginning of your relationship. However, this need cannot be met within the context of your marriage. Therefore, he may seek it externally. At this time, it is essential to understand why the son-in-law is seeking intimacy from others. By meeting this need, he may then choose not to seek it externally.

I empathize with your feelings of betrayal. When your relationship with your husband is strained, it can be helpful to focus on your own growth and well-being, rather than dwelling on your husband's actions or those of other individuals.

You might find it helpful to read some of Cong Fei's books, such as "Parenting Your Inner Child," "The Truth About Marriage," "The Secrets of Intimacy," and "The Pitfalls of Intimacy."

I wish you all the best!

I hope the world and I can show you our love.

Dear Question Asker,

It is evident that you have a strong affinity for your family, which motivates you to advocate for them with great fervor. However, in the presence of your loved one, you exhibit a contrasting demeanor, characterized by harsh criticism. It is clear that there is a discrepancy between your perception and your partner's understanding of the situation.

You perceive your husband as someone who is destroying your family, while he perceives that people outside are better than those at home. This contrast has led to a divergence in definitions, with him viewing you as a shrew who scolds in public.

How did the previously strong bond between the two of you result in this current situation?

A marriage is like a company. If two people want to make the company prosperous, they need not only the hard power of the two of them (the ability to make money), but also the soft power of mutual understanding (emotional intelligence). In other words, you need to understand his difficulties, and he needs to understand your difficulties.

It is important to note that accusing and scolding are counterproductive behaviors that can negatively impact the happiness and stability of a marriage.

As you noted in your correspondence, your husband is currently reluctant to communicate with you, perceiving that you are constantly monitoring his actions. It is essential to comprehend his perspective. This dynamic resembles a parent observing a child as they complete their homework. The parent does not trust the child, and the child feels resentful towards the parent.

It is clear that communicating with him calmly is not an option for you. Your pride prevents you from accepting this. It is evident that he made the initial mistake. However, it is crucial to understand that the first step in solving a problem is to objectively analyze the situation. Your goal is to provide your child with a complete family, but what is his perspective? Is this the solution to the problem?

If your husband displays a lack of respect for his responsibilities as a father, this presents a different challenge. How should you proceed in this scenario?

In the context of family matters, there is no objective right or wrong. The only considerations are the presence or absence of love.