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Do I feel hypocritical for thinking that my mother is with a married man? Am I right?

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Do I feel hypocritical for thinking that my mother is with a married man? Am I right? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

This is a suspicion of mine. The man is my mother's friend; previously, we often dined together with my mother and her other friends, so I always thought they were good friends and didn't give it much thought. A few days ago, my mother hosted a banquet at home, inviting friends for a meal. To my surprise, the uncle actually went to buy a cocktail for me (especially for me), and I still felt quite good about him for his kindness. However, for some reason, my intuition told me there might be something between them...

Later, my mother said the uncle had been doing business nearby during this time, so he came to our house for lunch. My suspicion grew even stronger, and I was wondering why he didn't buy food?

When my mother chatted with him on WeChat, she always spoke very softly, putting the phone to her ear. I felt there must be something she didn't want to share in front of me. After all, when the uncle came to eat at my house, my mother asked, "Are you coming? If so, what will I cook for you"?

Today, my mother cooked lunch, and I invited her to sit down and eat. But she didn't eat. Later, when I finished eating and went back to my room, the uncle arrived, and my mother started to eat. I had already guessed she was planning to eat with the uncle, and now it seems that's exactly what happened.

Actually, my mother had been involved with a married man before, and I strongly opposed it. We argued for many years, and it was only after I said some very unpleasant things that she finally ended things with the man.

I guess if they really have something, my mother might not dare to tell me? The uncle is quite well-off economically and has a wide network of contacts. In fact, I've also accompanied my mother to many social gatherings. I actually feel quite insincere because I want to use the uncle to help me find a better partner in the future, as we don't have such resources in my family?

If my mother doesn't tell me, I'm prepared to pretend to be oblivious. I'm not sure if this is the right approach.

Mainly, I really don't have the energy to deal with these things anymore?

Gervase Clark Gervase Clark A total of 8516 people have been helped

Hello, questioner!

From what you've said, it seems like your mother might be having an affair with her uncle. You're thinking about using his connections to help you find a better-qualified partner, which would mean implicitly approving of his relationship with your mother. You don't want to interfere in your mother's life, and I'm not sure if it's right for you to "let go" like this. I can understand your conflicting feelings.

At the end of the day, you and your mother are two independent individuals. How your mother behaves is her responsibility as an adult, and she can face the consequences.

However, even though I'm saying this, it can still be hard for you to accept your mother's behavior if she has an affair with a married man. You might try to stop it, but if it happens again, you might actually be accepting it without realizing it. As you get older, your views on things might change.

At the same time, you may feel that your responsibilities to your mother go beyond what you felt before, and you're feeling a bit out of sorts. Add to that your identification with and pursuit of the uncle's wealth, and your desire to take advantage of the situation to fulfill yourself, and it's no wonder your state of mind has changed.

And as for whether you should do this, my personal opinion is that you should let it go. The mother is clearly aware of her actions, and her choices are her right.

As a child, you can give your mother advice and tell her how you feel, but don't make decisions for her. It's important to respect your mother's boundaries and not cross them.

I hope this is helpful. Best regards!

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Jasper Fernandez Jasper Fernandez A total of 5346 people have been helped

Hello, dear question asker! I can see your problem and feel your current mood: you don't approve of your mother's relationship with the married man, and you are torn between your own hypocritical thoughts.

I'd like to look at this from two different angles.

First, your mother is an adult with more experience than you. It's her choice who she chooses to associate with or who she forms a relationship with. Her choice must have her needs in it. You said you had objected before, but your mother is still doing what she thinks is right. So you don't need to be responsible for her actions, and you don't need to be entangled in her affairs. If you really can't accept it, then tell her your thoughts positively. Sit down and have a sincere chat with her. You might find that you can communicate better this way.

Second, you think that this uncle is quite good at various aspects and may be able to help you. You define this as hypocrisy on your part, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! Social and interpersonal resources are very important to everyone. The key is to see what is most important to you. In fact, by improving your own charm and making yourself better, you can find your own happiness even without the help of any external forces.

If you're an adult, you and your mom both have the right to choose the life you want. You can maintain your own space while still respecting your mom's choices. It's a win-win!

I really hope my answer helps you! I wish you all the best!

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Comments

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Orlando Jackson A successful person views failure as a chance to prove their mettle and move towards success.

I can see why you're feeling uncertain and a bit conflicted about the situation with your mom and her friend. It's tough when family dynamics start to change unexpectedly, especially when there might be more going on under the surface. You've been observant of their interactions and it's natural for you to have these suspicions based on what you've noticed. Maybe it's time to consider how much you want to involve yourself in this potential relationship.

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Finley Knight The more knowledge one accumulates, the more wisdom one can potentially gain.

It sounds like you're torn between wanting to protect your mother and accepting that she may have a personal life you're not fully aware of. The way your mom acts around him and the special attention he pays to you could suggest something deeper is happening. If you feel like pretending not to notice is easier than confronting it, that's okay too. Sometimes, we just don't have the bandwidth to address everything headon.

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Rodney Davis Life is a fountain of energy. Tap into it.

Your concerns are valid, given your past experiences with your mom's relationships. It's understandable that you're wary and possibly feeling used since you see potential benefits from the uncle's connections. Yet, it's important to think about what you truly want in terms of your own values and whether leveraging someone's network feels right to you. This whole scenario must be emotionally draining, and it's okay if you choose to step back and let things unfold without direct involvement.

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