Emotions are exhausted, and the other person shows no intention of holding on, is this how it ends?

Dear questioner,

My name is Liu, and I am here to listen.

You say you want to break up, but you're the one who's soft. When someone says they want to leave, they usually want the other person to realize they've been disappointed many times and that even a small change would make them happy. They want the other person to understand this is an ultimatum and that it shows they care.

I can sense your insecurity in this relationship. When we are extremely uneasy, we propose separation, but we also have hope. When that hope is extinguished, our psychological pain increases.

First, we must ask ourselves why the other person chose to leave.

Let me be clear: the one who has always really tried to make it work is not him, but you. The one who has repeatedly given a relationship a chance is not him, but you. From your statement, I can feel that he really is not a good lover or a suitable partner.

As the saying goes, "A fish knows whether it is cold or not when it drinks water. You know the answer very well whether you are happy or not."

We subconsciously hope he'll stay.

This has nothing to do with whether the relationship should continue.

From his perspective, if he tries to stop you, it means he doesn't want to end the relationship and still believes it can continue. If he feels you're determined to leave, trying to stop you or even begging you is pointless. Why pretend to be attached when you know you'll eventually part ways?

If he doesn't want to hold on either and agrees with this decision, he probably won't hold on either because it's not what he wants.

It's likely that there have been too many tugs in the past, and both sides are exhausted. His determination is clear in his actions. He's asking if you're sure, to ensure that this time you truly want to leave and that it's not a fake breakup. Of course, the most affection has gradually worn away during the repeated splits and reunions in the past.

If this time, it really is him who wants to go, and I'm the one who suggested we split up, then we must respect our own decision. When faced with someone who really seems to want to leave,

We must learn to let go.

2. We frequently propose breaking up and getting back together again because we hope the other person will try to keep us after we break up. This relationship has been in a protracted tug-of-war from the very beginning.

(1) It is only natural that after a breakup, one hopes that the other person will beg for forgiveness, and one may also want to find evidence that one was once loved.

It is the person who proposes the breakup who...

We also know we won't "lose."

We often hope that the person who is determined to be the one is ourselves, and the person who cannot let go is the other person. This proves something, even if in the end you may still leave. It shows that you are the one who leaves first and that you are not the one who is put aside first in love. We sometimes fall into this obsession with winning and losing.

We know this person isn't right for us. We still hope they'll show more reluctance and love.

(2) We have experienced too much anxiety and unease in this relationship. We have chosen to break up frequently in the hope that the other person will change.

Your words reveal a tumultuous relationship. For a relationship to succeed, both parties must be invested. He has not provided you with the security you deserve, nor has he listened to your demands. When people are reluctant to leave but cannot stand the situation, they often break up with the other person as a warning. This is a way to make the other person realize they are about to lose this lover, which will inspire more expressions of love and care. This is a way to calm the anxiety caused by their insecurity and make it clear they should take it seriously.

It is a pseudo-breakup.

It is a move made out of pain and helplessness, plain and simple.

When we have a row again and again, the element of a fake breakup will diminish, and the determination to actually break up will become prominent. But even so, making this decision will still be very difficult. I think reason tells you to leave, but subconsciously you still want to see what his reaction is. You need to make the decision to leave.

3. Based on your situation, I am going to offer you the following suggestions, which are just my personal opinions for your reference.

You have to make the decision and live with the consequences. You need to decide what you really want.

Your statement mentions a lot of external evaluations of your relationship by others. Let me be clear: everyone wants you to leave and end the relationship, while the person in the relationship is yourself. Everyone's negative opinions or views are just references.

If we could completely relinquish our right to choose, things would be a lot simpler. But we can't.

You need to process your thoughts. This process is an important source of information that allows you to reconcile with yourself.

List the reasons why you cannot break up. Then, list the reasons why you think breaking up is necessary. Writing it down and presenting it in words will help you sort it out more clearly. Behind each reason is an event that happened between you.

This is the best way to sort things out.

We can and should help make decisions.

(2) We all have a lot of difficulties and psychological issues at this stage, and we must address them. Self-care is essential.

Our current state is the result of a combination of factors, especially emotional experiences. You have tried very hard, hoping that the other person will be fine. But you have also given a lot to others while being stingy with yourself.

You must understand your situation and forgive yourself. You are obsessed with the idea that he will change for the better, and the more he fails to do so, the more you will devote yourself to him. You are entangled in love and pain, and you must address the underlying psychological issues.

Seek psychological counseling if possible. Learn the importance of object separation. You are not the other person's "parents," and you cannot shoulder another person's life and destiny. It is already very difficult for you to live your life well on your own.

You need to talk to someone you trust about your feelings, your grievances, the weight you carry, and your loss and disappointment.

(3) Treat yourself well and let go of your exhaustion. You cannot test whether you were loved by leaving.

You also said he'd accuse you of being heartless, when he's the one with deep feelings. This hurts you. It seems like you want to break up, but he keeps turning his back. He's been passively waiting for you to make up.

He doesn't want to change, nor does he want to be the "bad guy." If you're truly happy in this relationship, there's no reason to "leave" just to "care about" someone.

If you don't change how you interact with each other, new problems will inevitably arise if you try to reconcile. Do you really want to break up and walk away? Can you handle it?

Treat yourself with more kindness. Know what you want in a relationship and stick to it. Love yourself as much as you love others.

Live your life to the fullest.

That's my answer.

Thank you for reading.

I am a psychological counselor at Yixinli.

I'm here for you if you want to talk.

Despite the fact that both parties have already initiated the dissolution of the relationship and removed contact, the questioner's description of events suggests a high level of reluctance. It appears that they are struggling to accept the outcome, given the significant time and effort invested. Additionally, there seems to be a lack of awareness regarding the nature of the emotional bond between the two individuals. As the questioner states, "Neither person is willing to change for the other, and they are not giving each other what they want." In the absence of mutual understanding and fulfillment, it is understandable that the presence of love may not be perceived.

The absence of a sense of love and affection between the two parties involved makes it difficult to envisage the development of a romantic relationship.

The information provided by the questioner revealed an intriguing dynamic. The other person is perceived as being unwell, and the situation is viewed as bleak. The questioner feels that their suggestions are not being heard, indicating a lack of receptivity to positive input. The questioner may not be aware, but their use of "for your own good" is a means of aligning with the other person, while simultaneously conveying "I am doing this for your own good, you must listen to me." This relationship model is driven by the questioner's needs and emotions, yet the questioner is uncertain about the specific emotions they are expressing.

This emotional pattern is typically observed in parent-child relationships, particularly in the context of mother-child interactions where teaching and guidance are exchanged. In this dynamic, the role assumed by the questioner is not that of a romantic partner, but rather that of a maternal figure imparting guidance to her son. As the mother is the one providing instruction, the dynamics are not rooted in the conventional love between a man and a woman.

Furthermore, the questioner's tone of voice may be perceived as controlling by the other person. It is human nature to resist being controlled by others. Consequently, the other person may choose to reject the questioner's words and refuse to comply with their requests. This is a natural form of self-preservation.

From another perspective, the reason why the other person is in a challenging situation is because this is what he needs. He needs to experience difficulties. The OP may have a different perspective, but it is important to recognize that some individuals require challenges in order to grow and develop.

The individual in question is seeking attention, care, and satisfaction through illness. This is an effective strategy for him, as it prompts the other party to provide the aforementioned support, which he requires. However, this is at odds with the need for a relationship between a man and a woman. In contrast, the individual in question requires this kind of motherly love and attention for his son, which is why the other party and the original questioner have split up and gotten back together so many times. Despite this, they remain entangled and unable to completely break up.

In other words, the needs of the questioner and the other person are perfectly aligned. Despite the ongoing challenges and difficulties, the two will consistently find their way back to each other. They may not fully comprehend the underlying dynamics, but they are committed to maintaining the status quo of their relationship.

However, it seems that the questioner is more interested in a romantic relationship between men and women. Therefore, when the questioner is unable to receive the desired level of affection from the other person, they will lose hope and initiate the dissolution of the relationship. It is not uncommon for the other person to remain passive in such circumstances. On the one hand, they may be unsure of how to respond, and on the other hand, their low self-esteem may prevent them from taking the initiative to end the relationship.

From the other person's perspective, they may be accustomed to the questioner's tendency to terminate relationships without much notice. Additionally, they are aware that the questioner will likely reconcile with them swiftly, eliminating the necessity for them to proactively maintain a positive relationship with the questioner.

It appears that the questioner is uncertain about the type of love they desire. They seem to believe that being with the other person for their own benefit is love, which is not an accurate representation of love. In a relationship, both individuals should be treated as equals with no distinction in status.

Furthermore, both individuals demonstrate a mutual respect, trust, understanding, recognition, and acceptance of each other and themselves. They exhibit an ability to understand and accept differing opinions and viewpoints without resorting to attacks or blame. They are capable of accepting the strengths and weaknesses of themselves and the other person, and are able to express and communicate through words and actions when necessary. Their words and actions towards each other can convey a sense of attention and care. If the questioner still has questions about what love is, they are encouraged to seek guidance from a professional.

The aforementioned opinions are provided for the questioner's reference only and do not represent the views of any other party.

First of all, I can relate to how you're feeling. It's never easy to end a long-term relationship, especially when it's been full of disappointment and distress.

From what you've told me, it seems like you've been through a lot in this relationship.

It seems like there are a lot of issues that need to be resolved in the relationship, including the other person's character, living habits, health, and communication barriers. These issues are long-term and haven't improved much.

The fact that you've gone through a lot of breakups and make-ups over the past year, and that you've tried so many times to keep the relationship going, shows that it's really taking a toll on you.

You also said that the other person didn't seem willing to stick around after you suggested breaking up, which might have made you feel even more disappointed and confused. This kind of reaction could mean that the other person doesn't value the relationship as much as you do, or that they're not very good at expressing their emotions.

As for the other person, everyone handles emotions differently. Maybe they feel like there's nothing they can do to fix the problems between you, or maybe they're just as disappointed and confused about the relationship as you are.

No matter what he's thinking, it's important for you to focus on your own feelings and needs.

Ultimately, it's up to you whether you should end the relationship. Think carefully about your feelings, needs, and expectations for the future.

If you feel like the relationship isn't bringing you happiness and satisfaction, it might be time to move on.

As you move on from the relationship, it's important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow. Talking to friends and family or seeking professional counseling can help you deal with the end of the relationship.

At the same time, it's important to learn to love yourself and pay attention to your growth and happiness.

In the end, no matter what path you choose, believe in your decision and move forward with courage. Every experience is part of the growth process, and you will learn a lot from this relationship that will help you face future challenges better.

Hello. I know it's tough when you've just broken up. I don't think you've considered what kind of life you want to live.

If you like this guy and want to be with him, you shouldn't have mentioned breaking up. If breaking up is your intention, it might be better if he doesn't come looking for you. That way, you can avoid a lot of unnecessary entanglement and trouble.

I get the sense that you want to prove your worth to him by breaking up, and experience the feeling of being valued and being asked to stay. This is a tough spot to be in.

Also, you weren't comfortable with each other before, so why would the other person want to go back to that?

When you were together, he was constantly resented by you. It seems that he was always in a low-value state for a long time, while you were in a high-value state for a long time. There was an imbalance between the two of you, and one party would start to resent the other. Nobody likes to feel resented, and nobody wants to always be in a low position.

I think that before the breakup, you might not have given him a very good experience in the relationship. If I were in your shoes, I'd say that adults are responsible for their own choices. Since I've already started the conversation about breaking up, I have to accept the consequences of saying such things. The result is also what you want.

You need to figure out what you want. He wasn't bringing you happiness, and there were a lot of conflicts between you. Even if you get back together now, you'll probably break up again in the future because of these problems. These feelings of discomfort you're experiencing now are just a loss aversion. Do you want this person or do you want to live your life without him?

You still want to live without him in the future. Since you've already broken up, you should stop dwelling on what happened in the past and focus on the future and think about what to do next.

I hope you'll think it over and decide what kind of life you want to live. Best wishes.

Topic Master, it's a great start! Be grateful for the experience.

From what you've said, it seems like you still have some expectations for this relationship and you've invested a lot of effort, so it's understandable that you're reluctant to let go just yet. Let's hug and talk about this together.

1. Figure out why you really love him.

You mentioned a lot of the other person's shortcomings in your description. You said they're passive, have a clumsy mouth and say little, are always complaining and have no motivation, spend time on all kinds of trivial matters, and are full of negative energy. You also said their physical condition is poor, with various illnesses, and they're particularly unsunny, with a dark inner world. If there are so many shortcomings, what exactly is it about the other person that you love or cannot let go of?

If you want to save someone like this but are frustrated when you fail, break up, and get back together, you need to see this about yourself as soon as possible and get out of it as soon as possible.

After all, not everyone wants to be saved by you. His current state is the result of years of accumulation, and it can't be changed in just a day or two. If he really loves you, he'll be willing to make himself a little better for you.

Instead of draining you and dragging you into the same quagmire.

So, after this breakup and blacklisting, we need to take a good look back and reflect on this relationship. What's the real reason you truly love him? You'll avoid falling into the same relationship again in the future if you sum up and reflect on it, and find the real reason.

2. Think about what about the other person attracts you.

Why do you find the other person attractive, and what qualities do you find appealing or satisfying? It's also possible that by looking at him, you can identify what you lack within.

So, can you meet these needs yourself, or in other ways? For example, you could go for counseling and therapy. Let the counselor help you see the source of these deficiencies and help you to satisfy and improve yourself internally.

A meaningful relationship should be something you both cherish, not just one person's effort. And at the same time, you're still talking behind your ex's back and gossiping about them.

No matter how the relationship ends, you need to learn from it and grow from it. This is part of the reflection and summary you need to do so that you can avoid similar situations in future relationships and not get hurt again. If we don't acknowledge our inner wounds or lack, our subconscious mind will help us choose similar people again.

3. Ask yourself

No matter what the other person does or how they react, we need to ask ourselves, "Are you happy and content with this person?" If you're going to spend the rest of your life with this person, can you handle it? Can you stick with it for the rest of your life?

If he's going to stay the same forever, will you be able to stick with him for the rest of your life? Ask yourself that question and you'll know what to do.

At the same time, you should allow yourself to feel a sense of nostalgia after the breakup and to have expectations or fantasies about the other person. After all, you've invested so much over the past year or so—in terms of time, energy, and money.

You need to figure out if it's the things you've done that you're attached to, or if you're unwilling to let go of the fact that the other person hasn't changed, or if the other person really deserves your attachment and you want to continue living with them. In fact, you already have the answer within you, so you know what choice to make.

After all, you come from different families, and the habits, environments, and experiences of the past few decades have shaped you differently. So there are some aspects that the other person may not be able to change, and there's a chance they'll never change.

If he stays the same for the rest of his life, will you still love him? If you don't think so, then it's probably not going to work out.

No matter what your future romantic life is like, remember that a good relationship should be one in which you can grow, support, and nourish each other. It shouldn't be one in which the other person consumes you. In terms of some living habits, there will inevitably be some differences. Focus on the important things and let go of the trivial. And close your eyes and keep quiet when appropriate.

Don't be the other person's rescuer, just be yourself. When you can sort out your own inner being and improve it, you'll attract someone more suitable for you.

I hope this helps, and I wish you the best!

It's totally normal to have doubts and confusion when breaking up. It's a complicated decision that usually involves a lot of emotions and considerations. From your account, it can be seen that you have already had a lot of dissatisfaction and disappointment in this relationship, and you are tired of all the problems and negativity of the other person. The good news is that you're moving on to a new and exciting chapter!

This psychological phenomenon is actually pretty common! Lots of people expect the other person to beg for their return after a breakup, to prove their own value and the correctness of their decision.

This mentality may be underpinned by a need for affirmation and recognition. Breaking up is already a brave choice in itself, but facing the other person's lack of reluctance may trigger inner unease and imbalance. But don't worry! You can conquer these feelings by recognizing that breaking up is a brave choice in itself.

It's totally normal to want to gain recognition and support from others to prove that your choice is the right one. It also shows that we're uncertain about our decisions and crave external affirmation.

There are so many ways to look at the possibility that the other person isn't going to try to stop the breakup! First, the other person may have their own considerations and feelings, and may think that the relationship can no longer continue or is not worth keeping.

He may also be experiencing his own confusion and hesitation, unable to express it or choose to let go. In addition, sometimes the other person's silence and lack of entreaty may also be because he respects your choice and decision and does not want to force it or cause more harm.

When faced with the expectation of being asked to stay after a breakup, it's a great idea to think deeply about our own inner needs and emotions. This expectation of being asked to stay may stem from doubts about one's own value, a sense of affirmation of the investment and commitment made in the relationship, and a fear of the uncertainty of the future.

The hope of being asked to stay is often a desire to prove that our choice was the right one, as well as a kind of dependence and obsession with the relationship.

However, whether the other person stays or goes, we need to learn to accept and respect the other person's decision, as well as firmly believe in our own choice. Breaking up is a mature and courageous decision. Even if the other person doesn't stay, it doesn't mean that our value and decision have been diminished.

You can do this! It's time to face your own inner feelings, bravely face the pain and challenges brought about by the breakup, and find new strength and hope to move forward.

If you're the one who proposes the breakup and the other person doesn't try to change your mind, you can absolutely take control of the situation and make the best of it! Here are a few ways you can do that:

First, you must understand and accept the other person's decision not to stay together. Even if you may have loved the other person deeply, you must understand that everyone has the right to think and make their own decisions independently—and that's a good thing!

The fact that the other person chooses not to hold back is a great sign! It means they have their own feelings and considerations, which is totally normal. Learn to accept this fact and treat it with a forgiving heart.

Second, don't turn your hope for the other person to stay after the breakup into psychological dependence. Even if you long for the other person to stay, you can absolutely learn to face the challenges after the breakup independently!

The other person's decision should not be your emotional support. You are strong and mature, and you can get through this period!

Next, it's time to find a new direction and goal to fill the emptiness brought on by the breakup! You can try new hobbies, social activities, or focus on personal development.

Invest your energy in work, study, or a healthy lifestyle to make your life fulfilling and meaningful! Fill the emotional void with positive ways to rediscover the joy of living!

At the same time, celebrate your own emotional experiences and don't be afraid to embrace the love and affection you once gave. A breakup doesn't mean that the previous relationship was wrong, it means you're ready for something new and exciting!

You can do this! Learn to draw lessons from it and grow into a more mature and stronger version of yourself. Don't doubt your abilities and value because of the breakup.

And finally, give yourself plenty of time to heal and adjust. The pain of a breakup will eventually heal, so don't rush into a new relationship just yet!

This is a great time to talk to friends and family or even seek psychological counseling to help you calm down. By accepting reality and adjusting your mindset, you can slowly move on to a new life—and a new you!

When we can truly accept the fact of the breakup and face the other person's reaction with equanimity, we will be more likely to free ourselves from the pain and regain our self-confidence and happiness. Instead of devoting too much energy to hoping that the other person will change their mind, it is better to turn our attention to our own growth and development, and find new sources of motivation and happiness in life. This is an amazing opportunity for personal growth!

Ultimately, although breaking up brings pain and challenges, it is also a process of growth and baptism. And it's a process you can get through! By facing the pain, accepting reality, and letting go of obsessions, you will become stronger and more mature, and lay a more solid foundation for your future.

I'm sure you'll be able to slowly come to terms with the breakup and find your own happiness and satisfaction. I'm certain you'll be smiling again soon and welcoming a bright tomorrow!

Hello, I'm Coach Yu, and I'm going to discuss this topic with you.

It is said that the greatest dignity for adults is to live their own lives after a breakup without interfering with each other. In reality, this is indeed very difficult to do.

In life, people have some indelible memories of the departure of relationships. It is important to recognize that rationality and sensibility can create strong contradictions, and that nostalgia and resentment often alternate. This can leave people unable to let go and breeding negative emotions, especially when the process of back and forth occurs.

As the original poster wrote, we were together for almost a year and had been on and off for a long time. We broke up last week, and I know I will get over it. It's hard to think about it, but I will.

In the long run, we must truly come to the end of the previous relationship. This is not just about giving ourselves a chance to renew ourselves and see ourselves clearly. It is also about inspiring all our important interpersonal relationships and helping us face them better.

The first thing you must do is accept this inevitable emotional experience as a real loss and departure.

You need to make some practical and physical changes. Get rid of things that remind you of your ex, like photos, gifts, and mementos. Change the layout of the room and the arrangement of the furniture to create a brand new environment and sense of space.

You must also face up to the ending of the relationship, say goodbye to the old self, and make room in your heart for the new self to grow. Ask yourself: How did you feel when the relationship ended?

I need to understand what losing him means to me and what other feelings I have about this relationship.

What were the circumstances? Record and organize these memories and feelings. Which feelings and emotions were triggered by the breakup, and which were amplified by past experiences? Write about your feelings honestly. This will help us understand the origin and impact of our emotions and also help us clarify the root of the problem.

Finally, you can and should perform a small ritual to formally announce the end of the relationship to yourself. For example, write a letter to yourself or go to nature and shout out your feelings.

Next, you must rebuild your meaning. This means finding new meaning after the relationship ends.

Ask yourself, "Have I gained anything unexpected after the breakup? If so, what is it?"

We must also ask ourselves whether the breakup has affected our views on love and values.

We must also ask ourselves what we did in this relationship that may have led to the breakup. Has my view of myself changed in any way?

We must ask ourselves: is there any enlightenment about love?

Allow yourself to be vulnerable and accept your emotions. Say goodbye at your own pace. Respect your emotional rhythm.

When you're single and emotionally confused, ask yourself: What does this remind me of? What am I still attached to?

"When we start to accept our emotions and let them flow, we will be less likely to distort our behavior due to emotional repression.

Seek help if you need it. This is not something you can overcome immediately. Find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, find a counselor or a support group. You need to release your emotions to relieve the heaviness and blockage in your heart.

We must relax. On weekends, we can meet up with friends and family, go out for a walk, or join a social group. We can experience the beauty of nature and authentic human interactions, and we will stay happy. At the same time, we should adjust our sleep through meditation and mindfulness. We should enrich our inner selves through reading and exercise. Life is a cycle. We will tie and untie it.

Terminating a relationship, particularly when neither party is willing to alter their behavior and repeated communication has been ineffective, can be a confusing and painful decision. In this case, continuing the relationship may not lead to true happiness, but rather be a form of procrastination and self-deception.

Firstly, you have highlighted that your partner displays passive, unmotivated, preoccupied with trivial matters and in poor health characteristics. When these factors are combined, they can have a significant impact on you, particularly when they affect your own life. Your feelings are understandable. It is not reasonable to expect another person to bear the negative emotions and responsibilities of another person, especially when it affects their own health and happiness.

The lack of urgency from your partner to maintain the relationship may indicate that they recognize the underlying issues or lack the motivation to address them. It could also suggest that they are not prepared to invest the necessary effort to improve the situation.

In this case, continuing the relationship may not facilitate the desired changes, but may instead exacerbate the current situation. Although there is a gap in your emotional state at present, time is often the most effective method for addressing such issues.

It is essential to allow sufficient time and space to process your emotions and rebuild your life.

You have indicated that your friends are advising you to terminate the relationship. This is likely because they care about you and want you to improve your quality of life. It may be beneficial for you to listen to your own heart in this situation.

If you determine that the relationship is no longer conducive to your happiness, then termination may be the optimal course of action.

Regarding the other person's mentality, since you have already attempted to communicate and salvage the relationship, and the other person has not yet demonstrated a willingness to change, you may need to accept that he or she may not be a suitable match for you. This does not imply that the other person is inherently problematic; it simply indicates that you may not be an optimal fit for each other.

Ultimately, self-love is the most crucial aspect. It is essential to seek a partner who can provide support and encouragement, rather than one who causes exhaustion and burden.

While the current situation may be challenging, it is important to have faith that with time, you will gradually improve and find a more suitable partner.

It is recommended that you allow yourself sufficient time to adjust and recuperate. During this period, you may wish to engage in activities that provide distraction, such as sports, hobbies, or social events. Additionally, you may find it beneficial to seek the guidance of a psychologist to better manage the emotional and psychological impact of the relationship.

Hello, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing now, but I can also see the way forward. You will be fine. Hugs to you!

If you break up with your partner, he has two options.

He has two options: he can either retain the relationship with you or stop you.

It's also possible that the other person feels you're not happy with them, so they break up with you because they think it's better to suffer a short pain than a long one.

You were rational when you broke up with your partner last week, which is why you deleted all his contact information.

Your emotional brain is telling you that you've been on and off with him for almost a year.

You are likely feeling conflicted now, which is a natural consequence of the psychology of "sunk costs."

You may feel that you have spent money, time, and energy on him. If you just break up, you may not want to let go.

You must also be clear that relationships can fail, and you need to view the "sunk cost" rationally.

It's likely that over the past year, you've spent every weekend with the other person.

However, you are now single again after breaking up with him.

You should try to do something to keep yourself busy.

Take up a new hobby, like cooking, baking, or knitting.

You will forget about being heartbroken when you have something to do.

Seek help from a professional counselor when you find that you can't get out of the shadow of the breakup for a long time.

The consultant is a professional and can give you better advice.

I am confident that you will solve your current problem effectively soon.

That's all I can think of.

I am confident that my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you. As the respondent, I can assure you that I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you. Best wishes!

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Dear Questioner, My name is Duo Duo Lian, and I hope my reply will be of assistance to you.

You have been in a relationship with this person for approximately one year. Last week, you ended the relationship and deleted the other person's contact information. This was not an impulsive decision. You wanted to make a decision and test the other person's commitment. However, the other person did not try to maintain the relationship. You feel helpless and powerless, and it is time to analyze the situation.

It is evident that you are more concerned about the other person's attitude. After all, you have been together for a year and have an emotional foundation. Even if you highlight numerous shortcomings of the other person, it is crucial to identify what you truly miss. It is understandable that you want the other person to acknowledge, agree with, and care about your feelings.

Your friends have expressed reservations about this relationship, and even if you have a good rapport, they believe it is unlikely to succeed. Consequently, you have deleted the other person's contact information. How do you think the other person feels? Are they as distressed as you are? You have communicated frequently, and the other person has never attempted to stop you. What are you waiting for?

What actions did you take that led the other person to decide to leave? The way you evaluate the other person can also affect how they are perceived by others. Do you agree? In your assessment, the other person is negative, their physical condition is poor, they have various illnesses, they are unhappy, their inner world is full of darkness, and they refuse to listen to advice for the other person's own good. You want to change the other person.

It is important to understand that attempting to alter the other person's behavior is a form of negation. The other person may also be experiencing significant anger, though they may not outwardly express it. It is essential to assess your own needs and desires. Do you genuinely like the other person, or do you seek their agreement and recognition of your value? Do you feel abandoned?

It is important to distance yourself from the negativity and control exerted by others. Instead, focus on your own feelings and be true to yourself. This will give you strength. Once you have made a choice, trust in it. Life is about accepting the consequences of your actions.

Be courageous and authentic. You are deserving of love and respect.

Hello!

If there's a serious mismatch between your needs and your partner's values, and you've tried to resolve the problem, but it's still not working, it might be time to move on. It sounds like you're ready for something new! You're disappointed because your partner isn't motivated to make positive changes, and you're exhausted.

The other person's lack of attempts to keep you may reflect several fascinating psychological states. On the one hand, he may think that attempts to keep you are ineffective because previous efforts have failed to change the situation. On the other hand, he may feel that letting go is a sign of respect for you or a way to relieve himself.

On top of that, he might also feel a bit disappointed and powerless, not knowing how to improve the relationship. Everyone has different coping mechanisms, and some may choose to accept reality while others may choose to avoid facing it.

It's so important to recognize that ongoing negativity and constant disappointment can have a detrimental effect on your physical and mental health. It's totally normal to feel pain and confusion in a relationship, but when they begin to affect your daily life and well-being, it's time to seriously consider a change!

Before making a decision, you can try some self-reflection to understand what you really want and what kind of relationship status you can accept. You can list the positive and negative aspects of the relationship and weigh the pros and cons. This is an exciting time in your life!

If you feel that the problems in the relationship cannot be solved, or if you have tried your best but still feel unhappy, then leaving may be a great option for you!

Finally, whatever your decision, it is important to give yourself time to heal. Losing a relationship can be painful, but it is also an amazing opportunity for self-growth and learning!

You can seek support from friends and family, or even professional help, during this process. Remember, you can do this! Taking care of yourself and becoming stronger is the first step in getting out of a difficult situation.

Hello, I am honored to have the opportunity to answer your question.

From what you've shared, I can appreciate the challenges you're facing. It's understandable that you're unsure about the best way forward. However, if you don't make a decision and just keep going, you may find that the situation continues to affect you in ways you don't want.

If I might offer my own humble opinion, I believe that ending the relationship might be the best course of action. Ultimately, though, the choice is yours. From this relationship, it seems that the other person's character is one that is paranoid, has poor psychological resilience, and is not easily receptive to other people's views.

It can be challenging to change such a personality. As the saying goes, it is easy to change the landscape but difficult to change one's nature. Perhaps if you stay with him, you may need to consider adapting to his needs to a certain extent, as it can be difficult to change a person. You mentioned that he has never tried to keep you. This may be related to his personality, as paranoid people often find it difficult to change their own ideas and concepts. They may have a very strong self-esteem and be fragile and sensitive. It can be difficult for them to admit that they are wrong, and it is also very likely that they do not think it is their fault.

It can be challenging to build an intimate relationship with someone of this personality type. It often requires a strong heart and constant care and advice, which could potentially be misinterpreted as rejection.

I hope you can take some time to reflect on whether continuing this relationship or breaking off contact is more challenging for you, and which option might cause you less distress. It's a difficult decision, but I'm here to support you in making the best choice for you.

I wish you the best and hope that you find a brighter future and a fulfilling intimate relationship.

Hello, question asker!

I can see your struggle in this relationship, and I'm here to help! You have mentioned breaking up countless times, but you still want to get back together. Otherwise, you wouldn't want the other person to try to keep you, right?

If you keep breaking up and getting back together, you'll keep repeating the same mistakes. But if you stop, you can start fresh!

So, it's time to see each other's true thoughts!

First, ask yourself, do you still love him? What do you love about him?

If you still love him but don't feel his love, then it's time to bring some balance back into your relationship!

If you don't love him anymore, but you are disappointed that he didn't try to keep you, then this may be a sense of frustration brought on by a desire to conquer.

When you broke up last week, you made a bold move by blacking out the other person's entire network. It was a mature decision made with the aim of leaving yourself no way back.

From your description, it's clear that the other party has many shortcomings that you cannot tolerate.

These shortcomings may have caused you to feel very badly, so you tried to persuade him to correct them. He didn't listen, but that's OK! It's the main reason you wanted to break up, so you can now move on to bigger and better things.

Maybe there's a voice in your heart saying, "You have so many problems, but I don't mind. As long as you can change, I'm still willing to be with you. I'm obviously doing what's best for you, but you don't listen. Why shouldn't I put up with you?"

Absolutely! Who doesn't want to meet someone who is ideal for them?

If it's not ideal, at least you can move towards it, right?

You have already made some compromises, but the other person doesn't care at all, so now it's time to stand up for yourself!

From your perspective, it's easy to imagine how you want him to change!

Or, you were originally an active, motivated, sunny, and cheerful girl with strong communication skills!

So, you also want to change him into the way you want him to be!

However, his current appearance has been shaped by his life and experiences over the past few decades, especially before the age of 7-8, when his personality was basically formed.

It's like a grown tree, the trunk of which has already become crooked. But if you try to straighten it, it'll be worth it in the long run!

And there's another thing. If you don't have a strong desire for autonomy, it's basically a waste of effort.

Maybe he can change for you, listen to you, and try to persuade you to stay when you break up. That would be a great sign that he loves you!

And he may be someone who feels a strong sense of powerlessness but stubbornly clings to the old ways.

Maybe he has more feelings for you! It could be that you feel like a failure in trying to turn him into the ideal type of person.

Absolutely! To love someone is to accept them for who they are, with all their strengths and weaknesses.

But how many people can actually do that?

If you need an ideal type of person, the great news is that you can either cultivate him or find someone else!

Otherwise, you'll get to play the roles of conqueror and savior, experiencing the highs and lows of expectations and disappointments. It's a wild ride!

And that's the end!

I'm Yan Guilai, your personal psychological counselor, ready to accompany you on an incredible journey of self-discovery and truth-seeking!

Good day. I am a heart exploration coach. Life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for blooming.

I can sense your sadness, disappointment, and even despair. You seem to be resolute about this breakup, but deep down you still have a lot of expectations. These include the expectation that he will try to stop the breakup, at least say something soft, and show you some affection. However, the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment. From the initial resolute attitude of breaking up, you slowly shifted to expectation. When that expectation was not fulfilled, you became self-doubting. What really happened? Let's take a look at the situation from a business perspective.

1. To begin, I will pose a simple multiple-choice question.

You have stated that repeated communication is ineffective, yet you perceive a lack of reconciliation as a significant challenge. Would you prefer to experience a temporary sense of discomfort, or to remain in a state of helplessness indefinitely (or for the foreseeable future)?

The answer is clear: a brief period of discomfort is preferable to a prolonged one.

As previously stated, you have been together for approximately one year and have been unable to resolve issues related to your principles and bottom lines, or those that may impact your emotional development.

You are gradually losing confidence and patience. There is a lack of willingness to adapt to each other's needs, which is preventing you from receiving the emotional support you require.

Furthermore, insisting on remaining together is an additional source of distress.

It is also possible that you are still in the "running-in period" of your relationship. In order to achieve mutual understanding, you will need to have more shared experiences, including the running-in of interests and hobbies, as well as living habits. It is important to remember that you entered this intimate relationship with the patterns of your respective original families. This is also the source of your final doubts. However, it is important to note that change does not happen overnight.

What is required is a commitment to love, understanding, and trust. I recommend If Only I Knew Before Marriage as a marriage and family guidebook and a love guide.

2. Unwilling to terminate the relationship.

The key factor in determining whether to linger is not whether the other person is trying to maintain the relationship, but the strength of the relationship itself. Primarily, it is your emotional investment and dedication over the past year that will influence your decision. What makes us reluctant to let go is never the person, but the time, all the fond memories of that relationship, and your serious attitude towards the relationship.

You are awaiting his return, but you are also conditioning yourself to believe that you should wait longer, give him another chance, and wait until tomorrow. While it may appear that you are giving the other person an opportunity, you are, in fact, providing yourself with a form of emotional support to help you cope with the pain of the relationship ending.

Instead of attempting to discern the other party's intentions and fixating on their apparent lack of effort to maintain the relationship, it is more productive to take a step back and examine the patterns of your respective roles and interactions with each other during this relationship.

The nature of relationships is contingent upon the interactions between individuals. For illustrative purposes, consider a scenario where one party assumes an active role and the other assumes a passive role. This dynamic may manifest in various contexts, including romantic relationships, the dissolution of such relationships, and the process of reconciliation.

For example, "You've thought it over." His expression of love is very firm.

Once a relationship has reached this stage, it is important to recognise that both parties are responsible for the outcome and have the ability to influence it. "Falling in Love with the Double Dance" explores the significance of interaction between partners in this context.

"Knowing How to Love" is also a valuable resource on relationship dynamics. It is beneficial to reflect on past experiences and create a timeline of progress, whether you are reinforcing your current relationship or pursuing a new one.

I hope the above is helpful to you. Best regards, [Your name] [Your designation]

Should you wish to continue the discussion, you are invited to follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello, I'm Zeyu!

"Our feelings are gone, and the other person doesn't want to keep the relationship going. Is it really over?" This paragraph shows us so much! It reveals the questioner's definition of the relationship, the attitude of the other person, and the questioner's own self-examination.

Now, about that question of "whether it's just over." It's a great question! It involves both parties' definition of the relationship and our own judgment and inclinations. If we decide that the relationship is over and there is no future, then perhaps we will not end it with a question mark.

In the description, the questioner mentioned that breaking up and deleting was not a decision made entirely on impulse. They considered many practical issues to make the breakup more definite, which is great! Realistically speaking, the questioner did everything as expected. While the reality of the relationship ending like this seems to be unsatisfactory, it's important to remember that this is a new beginning. It's an exciting time to start fresh and embrace the possibilities that lie ahead!

Perhaps the questioner hopes that when you break up, the other person will ask, "Have you thought it over?" But in reality, the other person does not act according to the script we expect in our hearts, but deviates from the plot and plot we have imagined. This is a great opportunity for personal growth! The party that has paid seriously in a relationship always finds it difficult to let go. No matter the quality of a relationship, whether it is good or bad, there will always be some experiences and things that we find hard to forget. In reality, breaking up will make people leave the familiar environment and face the unknown and risks. At the same time, they will also face inner pain and confusion, and they may also fall into fantasies or want to go back to when everything did not happen. This is a chance to learn and grow!

Absolutely! What we're experiencing is totally normal after a relationship ends. And yes, sometimes we need a reason or excuse to move on. But as for why they held back and didn't say goodbye? Well, from our perspective, we needed them to say goodbye. But in reality, they didn't. And that's okay! We all have different needs, and that's what makes relationships so fascinating.

If you really need an answer and are brave enough to accept that things may not turn out as you wish, you can choose to ask the other person directly and get things off your chest! This way, you'll get a clear answer, but whether it's what you want is no longer in your control. If you cannot contact the other person for the time being, all you can do is give yourself time to heal and move on!

Hello!

I understand how you feel.

You wrote that the relationship is over and the other person won't try to save it. Is it just over? The relationship is over because you ran out of steam. If the other person ran out of steam first, then you're the one who doesn't try to save it. Are you the one at fault?

You're struggling to understand why the other person isn't trying to save the relationship. You've invested a lot in it, as have they. When you choose to let go, you feel unwilling, which is your current problem. There's no right or wrong in relationships. Everyone expresses themselves differently. When you feel you can no longer give to a relationship and you can't change the other person to get what you want, giving up is the best choice.

The relationship is over, but the memories remain.

Secondly, you wrote that your partner is passive, with a clumsy mouth and few words. They waste time on trivial matters and have no motivation to improve. They are full of negative energy and in poor health. They are particularly unsunny and have a dark inner world. They never listen to reason. They say they love you, but I can't feel the love anymore. After I proposed a breakup, they didn't try to stop me. They agreed to the breakup. In the past, they also agreed when I asked to reconcile, but they have no initiative. They resent me for mentioning breaking up so often. For a year, I've been the one to try to reconcile. I want to know if there is really a need to continue this relationship.

This description of your partner is very negative. It raises a question: What do you like about the other person? If there are no good things about them, why try to win them back?

From the other person's description, you can tell they have feelings for you. However, they don't show it. The sentence "If you want to break up, you won't bother me" shows your reluctance. If you want to save the relationship, you have to change and prove you're not worthless. If you express your feelings passively or lie, you'll probably leave. Relationships can be generous or selfish. If they're selfish, both people will suffer unless one doesn't contribute.

You wrote that you haven't looked back, but you still have a gap in your heart. It still hurts when you think about it. Your friends say you should leave such a negative person and love yourself. I'm confused. It doesn't make sense to get back together because there are still practical problems. Many communications have been useless. Not getting back together is hard on my heart. The other person has never tried to stop me, which shows they don't love me. What am I clinging to? No friends would recommend continuing this relationship because neither person is willing to change. They are both giving the other person what they don't want. I would like to ask the teachers what I should do. Should I just cut the relationship off? What is the other person's state of mind?

How can I be so patient and not try to talk him back into it?" Friends often have three reactions: try to reconcile the couple, urge them to break up, or just watch.

If everyone agrees, you have to decide for yourself. Outsiders see clearly, but insiders are confused. Outsiders see the surface, but insiders feel the real problem.

You said you're both unwilling to change for each other, but you never mentioned "tolerance." Relationships have stages. Based on your description, you're in the dating stage, where people feel little responsibility and have high expectations.

You're thinking about the future, not the present. Marriage is a different relationship. You'll still have expectations, but tolerance and understanding will be more important.

If you don't let go, you're showing tolerance, but tolerance is relative.

Suggestion:

1. This relationship can continue if you keep putting up with it. If you try harder, you might win him over.

This is not recommended.

2. Hope for the best. Maybe he'll change one day.

3. Giving up this relationship may be hard, but think of it as a failed investment in love. The next person you meet will repay you.

4. It's hard to get away from an emotional relationship where you've given your all. There are ways to adjust, like drinking, which requires you to protect yourself. Go to the gym and focus on exercising.

A trip can change your environment and mood. It can also help you re-engage in a relationship, but this is not recommended.

This is just a reference.

Hello, question asker! My name is Evan, and I'm a counselor trained in Transactional Analysis.

From what you've told me, I can see how you're feeling. It's so hard when things don't work out, especially when you're confused and distressed. I know you're looking for advice, and I'm here to help.

From what you've told me, there are some big issues in this relationship. It seems like the other person is quite passive, lacking in motivation, and has a lot of negative energy. On top of that, they're not in the best physical condition. All of these things can really affect a relationship.

It's also worth noting that it seems like communication between you two hasn't been very effective. It seems like the other person isn't willing to make changes for you or the relationship. Many people experience the complexity and entanglement of relationships as an emotional experience.

From what you've told us, it seems like this relationship has already made you feel tired and disappointed. After you proposed breaking up, the other person didn't seem too reluctant to stay together, which might mean that they've changed their mind about the relationship or that they have their own reasons for being confused.

It's hard to know for sure what's going on in the other person's mind, but from the way he didn't try to stop you, it's possible that he's also taking a rather passive attitude towards the relationship, or that he's become used to you trying to stop you, and thinks you'll eventually come back to him. Either way, this isn't a healthy state of affairs for a relationship.

It's totally normal to feel low and confused after a breakup, especially in a long-term relationship. Everyone deals with breakups differently. Some people may need time to slowly come to terms with reality, while others may be more decisive.

It's so sad when friends try to help by telling you to leave a relationship that's full of negative energy. It's probably because they've seen how it's affecting you and they really want you to have a happy, healthy life.

As for whether or not you should end the relationship, this is a very personal decision. No one can make that decision for you, except to say that you should understand whether your needs are being met in the relationship. Think about what you want from this relationship and whether you can accept the other person's situation.

If you feel like these problems can't be solved or that you can't bear to continue like this, then breaking up might be a better choice.

It's important to remember that the end of a relationship doesn't mean failure. It's simply a choice made by two adults after careful consideration. If a relationship is making you unhappy and has made you lose yourself, it might be for the better future of both parties to end it.

The OP brought up some pretty serious stuff, like practical problems and communication barriers. These are huge issues in any relationship. If both people in the relationship are stuck on these issues and unable to work through them, it can really hurt both of them.

However, before making a decision, I suggest that the questioner take some time for themselves to calm down and think things through. It's also a good idea to seek help from friends or a counselor, who can provide more objective advice and support.

The "gap in the heart" that the questioner mentioned is totally normal. It's all part of the healing process, and everyone recovers at a different pace.

In the process, you can try to do things that make you feel happy and worthwhile. Things like cultivating new interests, spending time with friends, and participating in social activities can really help. Not only will they help you move on from past relationships, but they'll also allow you to better understand yourself and lay a solid foundation for your future life.

It doesn't matter what kind of relationship you're in or what life situation you're facing. You deserve to love yourself and pay attention to your needs and feelings. Your happiness and mental health are so important!

No matter what choice the original poster makes, it's for their own happiness and future. Life is always full of uncertainty, but every experience is part of growing up. And that's okay!

I really hope my answer can help the questioner.

I'd highly recommend The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It's a great book that can really help you break free from the shadows of the past and the anxieties of the future, return to your true self, and focus more on the lives and feelings of the present.

I'd like to suggest "Mr. Toad Goes to Therapy" by Robert D. Baer. It's a wonderful book that explores the source of inferiority, weak personality, and depressive mood through the dialogue between Mr. Toad and the psychologist. Reading it can help you understand your own emotional state and that of the other person more deeply. I hope you'll enjoy it!

"Thank Yourself for Your Imperfections" by Wu Zhihong is a wonderful book that helps you accept your imperfect self and embrace the shadows of life. It's a great way to deal with setbacks and difficulties in relationships!

The Neurotic Personality of Our Time by Karen Horney is a great read! It helps you understand the character traits and behavioral patterns of the other person, so you can better cope with and handle relationship problems.

The Art of Reclaiming Love: by Larry Lee. This book is a real gem! It's not just about reclaiming love, but also about changing yourself and treating the other person with all your heart. It's a great source of inspiration for anyone trying to figure out whether to continue a relationship or how to make it better.

"Emotions: The Variables That Influence Sound Decision-Making": This book is a great help to the questioner in learning to manage negative emotions and avoid letting emotions influence decisions. This is also a really useful skill for dealing with relationship issues!

Hello, dear.

You feel angry, disappointed, and confused in this intimate relationship. You are angry and disappointed that your partner cannot always give you the response you want, and you are confused about how to deal with this relationship and how to deal with yourself in this relationship.

There's one more thing to consider: you're attached to this relationship, even though it makes you angry, disappointed, and confused. You want it to continue and to improve, even though it's clear it's not working.

You know there will be no improvement if you get back together, yet you still feel very attached.

You mentioned a gap in your heart. That's why you're having trouble letting go.

You must face the gap within yourself when leaving an uncomfortable relationship. The feelings this gap brings may be deep loneliness and despair, a sense of meaninglessness, or other feelings you find hard to bear.

There's no doubt about it: being in a very uncomfortable relationship with all kinds of conflicts may also bring you all kinds of lively hopes or illusions. Or perhaps a sense of security.

Having a relationship, even if it's terrible, provides a sense of security. It's better than being homeless.

You will go to great lengths to repair this broken home. As long as the home cooperates with you, there is hope for the best.

As you said, you find it hardest to accept that your boyfriend won't listen to you, even when you advise him to do things for his own good. When he doesn't listen, it's destroying your hope of having a wonderful home.

Time and time again, hope is kindled, and time and time again, there is disappointment and anger. But you cannot let go. Letting go means returning to the state of being alone, facing the gap in your heart alone. A relationship that is so unsatisfactory is, to a certain extent, a temporary shelter for you. It makes you feel that you belong somewhere and that there is hope for a happy ending.

If you don't want to continue in a relationship that offers no hope and cannot nourish you, you must make a decision and face the gap in your heart alone. It's like tearing off a band-aid and facing the wound head-on.

This process may be difficult, but it will heal your heart. A more complete heart will allow you to meet different relationships, which will create a loving and intimate relationship with more relaxed and gentle expressions.

Your heart has already created a safe and orderly home for yourself, and you are the master of this home. New relationships just add some color to your home.

I'm sure this helps. I'm listening, therapist Xu Yanlian. Feel free to chat.

Wishing you the best.