Encountering a boy who enjoys chatting with can make you feel disgusted when he makes you feel affectionate, what should you do?

Dear questioner, I'm Peilü, and I'm so excited to chat with you!

Let me give you a hug first! ?

Let's dive into the fascinating topic of rejection of intimate relationships between the sexes!

Now for the fun part! Let's dive into the data and see what it's telling us.

Let's dive into this together! I often feel a rush of excitement when I have further intimate actions with the boy I like. It's as if I'm on a rollercoaster, and I want to jump right in and experience all the thrills! However, sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed, and I might even get a bit queasy. From your information, it can be seen that you are confused because you really want to get close to the boy you like, but you internally reject and avoid this intimate relationship. You always feel stuck in your relationships, and this conflicting feeling makes you feel both strange and anxious.

Let's dive in and explore the reasons behind this!

When we talk about intimacy, we usually mean family, marriage, love, sex, and other relationships. Intimacy is a type of interpersonal relationship. It is the emotional or physical closeness that an individual experiences. It is an emotional response that an individual experiences in interaction with others, such as trust, dependence, closeness, and concern. The questioner has difficulty developing intimate relationships with others. Tracing the root causes, we can detect the impact of the attachment experience between the questioner and the caregiver in the original family on the current situation. This is an exciting opportunity to understand more about how we can support the questioner in developing their capacity for intimacy!

Ainsworth's Strange Situation Test has divided infant attachment into three fascinating categories: 1. Secure attachment 2. Insecure attachment – avoidant type 3. Insecure attachment – resistant type The long-term theoretical development of this test has also led to the gradual formation of an adult attachment model. This model includes three equally intriguing categories: 1. Secure type 2. Avoidant type 3. Ambivalent – anxious type

If you feel this way about the boy you like, you should be classified as an avoidant attachment. This is specifically manifested in the following ways:

The great news is that avoidant attachment is probably found in about 20% of the population, which means it's not entirely uncommon!

On a positive note, your introverted and sensitive personality, lack of social skills with the opposite sex, and resistance to establishing intimate relationships with strangers may also be related to your attachment behavior strategies. The way your parents get along and their family relationships may also have an impact on your attachment behavior strategies. The good news is that a family atmosphere that is harmonious, warm and loving, and where parents respect each other will cause children's attachment relationships to develop in a safe direction.

Personal advice

Look at intimacy in the right light! It's not a shame to have a good feeling about the other person. At the same time, the other person's recognition of you is also a compliment and appreciation of your personality charm. Everyone has the need and pursuit of a sense of security and trust. This is a healthy interpersonal relationship!

Keep the trust flowing and get to know each other's lives! Share your interests and hobbies and exchange ideas and feelings.

Keeping things casual and steady allows you to discover new things together and deepen your connection. There's no need to just chat to "flirt." If you feel a strong bond with this person, you can also take the lead to guide, learn, and grow together, taking your relationship to the next level.

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I love you, world!

Good evening.

I'll give you a hug. Your problem is simple, but it bothers you.

Twenty-one is a good age to fall in love. If you don't feel attracted, that's fine. But if you do feel attracted or if the other person flirts with you, it makes you feel disgusted. This is probably a defense mechanism.

You didn't mention your upbringing, but it often plays a role.

For example, women's emotions were suppressed in some environments. Women were considered unproductive, shameless, and lustful if they liked men.

During adolescence, some early love affairs are seen as bad. This makes women feel that even if they have a crush, it is a sin.

Or there are other women around you who have been isolated.

This kind of situation is rare. People are more tolerant of romantic feelings between men and women.

You may have had a bad experience, like being moved, and the other person found out and humiliated you.

Nausea and vomiting are physical reactions, but they're also linked to our minds. We feel sick when we eat bad food or see something dirty.

You may think heart palpitations mean you're a bad girl and want to cleanse yourself by vomiting. This is just one view.

Talk to a counselor for advice.

You may need to accept yourself, your feminine role, and that you can be moved and have intimate relationships. Find out the reasons from your past experiences.

You gave little information, so this is all guesswork. I hope it helps.

I'm a counselor who is sometimes depressed but mostly positive.

Dear Questioner,

My name is Yi Ming, and I am a heart exploration coach.

I have carefully reviewed your inquiry and comprehend the distress you are experiencing. This situation may have arisen for a multitude of reasons. I would be delighted to engage in a discussion with you with the aim of providing solace and assistance.

1. Examine the nature of the relationship with one's parents and recall the experiences that have shaped personal growth.

I am curious to know the nature of your relationship with your parents.

Did you develop a secure attachment during your childhood?

In other words,

Even in the absence of parental presence, the expectation of their eventual return and continued love is a fundamental aspect of a secure attachment.

Additionally, an avoidant attachment may be present.

In essence, this indicates that the infant is indifferent to the mother's presence or absence and engages in independent play. This suggests that the infant has not developed a strong emotional bond with the mother.

Avoidant attachment is a consequence of emotional neglect by parents during childhood.

Those with an avoidant attachment style will experience a dichotomy of longing for love and a simultaneous reluctance to engage in close relationships.

In simple terms, it is a lack of security and a fear of forming connections with others.

Additionally, there is the fear of potential emotional entanglement, which may explain the desire to "run and feel sick," as if this will protect them from harm.

An additional interpretation is that the individual is subconsciously afraid of being hurt and suffering psychological pain, and thus avoids closer relationships as a form of self-protection.

2. What is the nature of the relationship between the parents? Have you received an inappropriate education?

I am curious to know the nature of your parents' relationship.

If one's parents were highly affectionate and the family unit was characterized by a high degree of happiness, one is likely to develop a belief in the capacity of love and intimate relationships to bring about positive outcomes, as observed in role models.

Conversely, if parents frequently engage in conflict, exhibit cold violence, or if the mother frequently criticizes the father, for example, we may also develop an unconscious belief that men cannot be trusted.

In some cases, individuals with avoidant attachment may also experience doubt regarding their own worthiness for love and may have difficulty believing that they will receive genuine love from others.

It is also possible that our parents were excessively strict with us, and when we first began to experience romantic feelings, they were concerned that we would suffer emotional distress and therefore prohibited us from forming any kind of close attachment with a male companion.

As we mature, we tend to associate positive emotional experiences, such as heart flutters or intentional or unintentional flirtation from boys, with negative outcomes. This association may be a coping mechanism developed in response to past experiences.

Such experiences have inadvertently led to the formation of a negative self-concept, characterized by a lack of belief in one's capacity to be genuinely loved by others and a sense of helplessness in the face of potential harm.

It is similarly conceivable that one's emotional state has been shaped by analogous notions of emotional entanglement or adverse relationships, resulting in a sensation of nausea and even vomiting.

One can endeavor to ascertain the underlying causes and recognize that one has reached maturity, thereby affording the opportunity to reassess one's interactions with males and one's sentiments toward them. Additionally, one can endeavor to cultivate an ability to love and interact harmoniously with others.

It is important to recognize that dating boys is a normal and positive experience.

It is beneficial to experience infatuation and to discern when a male individual displays interest in one.

Such feelings may no longer be experienced.

Furthermore, it is imperative to recognize one's inherent worthiness for love and cherishment.

Intimacy can be defined as a journey of self-discovery and the deepest connection with another person.

It is recommended that you take your time, believe in yourself, and allow the process of sorting things out to facilitate your exit from the current predicament and the gradual establishment of a mutually nourishing and comfortable intimate relationship.

I extend my sincerest wishes for your well-being.

Hello!

Host:

Hi there! I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I've read your post and I can tell that you're a little reluctant to get too close.

I also noticed that the poster was really brave in expressing how he was feeling and actively seeking help on the platform. This helped him to understand himself better and to make positive changes in his life.

I'd love to share some more of my thoughts from reading your post, as I think they might help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

1. "Nausea" might be a way of protecting yourself.

From the post, I can see that the poster feels a little attracted to him, or sometimes when he unintentionally flirts with me, I feel a bit sick and even want to vomit. I think the poster has probably thought about why they feel this way, right?

Let's explore this together! I'd love to know what benefit the landlord gets from feeling sick, wanting to vomit, and running away.

I totally get it. By distancing ourselves, we don't have to communicate and interact with him in depth. It's like we're protecting ourselves, right?

I'd love to hear more about why you feel insecure in the relationship when you're too close. Do you feel unworthy?

Or is it that you're afraid of being hurt, so you keep your distance?

These are all things that the poster needs to explore and think about. And I'm sure these will help the poster to better understand and know themselves.

2. Connect with your body, my friend.

From reading your post, I can see that you're feeling quite unwell, with a queasy stomach and the urge to vomit. These are actually physical reactions to your emotions, which is totally normal.

It's totally normal to feel discomfort in different parts of the body at different times. It's all part of being human! So, if you're feeling uncomfortable in one area, it's likely that you're experiencing an emotion in that particular part of your body. This is something that you can learn to recognize and understand.

By connecting with your body, you can find your emotions and the needs behind them. It's as simple as that! You can try focusing on the uncomfortable parts, and then feel and experience them.

Just imagine what it wants to say if it could speak! You could even use this physical experience to face your own problems.

I'm sure this will give you a different feeling and experience!

Absolutely! This kind of practice is so worthwhile. The more we do it, the more in tune we'll be with our bodies, and the more we'll understand our emotions through our body's reactions.

And that'll help us handle our emotions better. If you're curious, I'd love for you to check out Wu Zhihong's "The Body Knows the Answer."

3. Take some time to reflect on your own personal journey of growth.

The host can also take a look at their own growth journey, which might help us understand why we sometimes find it tricky to open up and connect with others. It's always helpful to think about where our ideas about relationships come from.

It's so important to understand where our understanding of intimate relationships comes from. Have we experienced some kind of harm ourselves, so that when someone approaches us, we first think about protecting ourselves and escaping the "danger"?

Often, this is related to our upbringing, our schooling, and our experiences. For example, our family of origin may have made us feel that relationships are full of hurt.

We've all been hurt by others at one point or another. Let's take a moment to reflect on what has shaped us into who we are today.

It's so important to think about whether those perceptions and evaluations that have caused us to be this way are actually reasonable.

This is something we really need to think about. If it's not quite right, we can always adjust those thoughts and perceptions.

I really hope these are helpful and inspiring for the person who posted. If they have any feedback or want to chat some more, they can just click on Find a Coach to have one-on-one chats and grow together.

Hello! I can totally relate to your confusion about the inappropriate emotional feelings you experience when you want to express your love to the opposite sex.

It's incredible how inappropriate states of behavior can often be traced back to traumatic experiences that were nurtured during our early growth. Especially the way we express emotions with our opposite-sex parent! It's fascinating how a person's adult patterns in intimate relationships often reflect the emotional patterns with the opposite-sex parent in their own biological family in their early years.

So, you can try to become aware of your relationship with your father. For example, is he always a particularly strict person in your impression, who is never good at expressing his emotions and feelings, such as hugging, stroking, kissing, or giving you gifts? He always demands and restricts you with more rules and restrictions. No matter how you express yourself, you can never get the emotional and emotional response you expect. After spending a long time in this way, you will unintentionally regard his severity and indifference as love for yourself, and you will not be able to perceive and experience that love can also be expressed actively in words and deeds. Because of the lack of such physical memory, when you face the opposite sex actively expressing their love, you will feel a strong sense of discomfort, and you may even consider it an offense to yourself. But don't worry! This is something you can change.

So, when you can understand the causes of your inappropriate behavior patterns, you will be more accepting and understanding of your current emotional feelings. Then, get ready to learn to accept the expression of true love!

You can also try something really exciting! Tell someone you love about your inner confusion. Express your need for his understanding, acceptance, and support to heal the wounds of being unloved together.

Second, here's another fascinating reason behind feeling uncomfortable when you're loved. It might be rooted in your inner feelings of self-unacceptance and unworthiness. This is because you cannot accept your true self, which means you're dissatisfied with yourself, picky, and critical. And when you're not very aware of this part of yourself, you'll unintentionally project it onto the people you love. This is your way of avoiding the emotions of self-unacceptance by rejecting and disliking their inappropriate behavior.

So, it is also important for you to try to learn to accept yourself, cultivate self-confidence, and enhance your self-worth. Because any harmonious relationship is based on your being at peace with your inner self, and you can do this!

You can see your shortcomings and deficiencies, but you can also appreciate the bright spots and advantages in yourself! Let go of your expectations of being perfect because imperfection is beautiful!

There's a simple way to boost your confidence and feel more worthy of love: keep a gratitude journal! Make a list of all the amazing things you accept about yourself and watch your self-esteem soar.

I'm Lily, the little listener at the Q&A Center. The world and I love you!

Hello!

I'm really happy I can give you some advice!

From what you've written, it's clear you have a strong affection for this boy. It seems you've gone from a relationship where you just got along with him to one where you really like him. What does this show?

This shows that you value spiritual communication more and that you'll more easily fall in love with someone you can talk to.

You're now 21 years old and have met such a boy! At first, you didn't feel anything during your initial interactions. But as you continued to interact with him, you slowly discovered that you two had some interaction because you got along well, and some feelings developed.

It's not your affection for him that makes you feel nauseous, but when the other person shows signs of affection for you, you experience this discomfort.

I can see how distressed you are by this symptom. I know you really hope you can become boyfriend and girlfriend with him and that you can get in touch with him more, but I can also see how you feel uncomfortable and confused.

You also mentioned that your brain thinks that in real life, your communication with him will lead to arguments, or a cold war, or other situations, due to the triviality or other emotional pull. This stems from your worries about the future of the two of you, so you feel very panicked and want to escape. I totally get it! The more you think like this, the more you will experience these feelings of nausea, sickness, and even vomiting.

I get the feeling that you're feeling a bit anxious about the future of the two of you, which is making you feel this way physically. Let's think about it another way. What's really worrying you about getting into an argument or feeling emotionally tense?

It all comes from your heart's desire for the relationship to go well. You're hoping it will be a beautiful, argument-free relationship.

But, realistically, there will be disagreements in any solid relationship. These are great chances to reflect and grow stronger together! Think about it: we can't avoid arguments with our parents, right?

We all have friends who we disagree with sometimes, and that can lead to misunderstandings. It's the same with relationships between men and women.

So, instead of worrying about what might happen in the future, let's focus on all the good things the other person brings us right now. And we can ask ourselves, do we really like this guy?

I really want to help you, so I'm going to ask you a question. Do you really want to be with him? If so, I think you can take a brave step forward.

We can't predict the future, but we can take comfort in knowing that we can maintain this relationship and move forward together through the little things. I truly believe that a series of emotional struggles, arguments, and misunderstandings can be resolved by the two of you "thinking in the same way and working together."

I think it would be really helpful for you to think about how you feel about the relationship between you two. Once you've done that, you could tell yourself that you can judge whether you're suitable for each other by giving it a try, and then experience the experiences you have together. Future experiences are rare, and we can face them with anticipation and gratitude.

I really do think that if you just give this a try, your inner anxiety, panic, and tension will ease up. You'll be able to gradually get rid of your physical symptoms and achieve what you want to achieve.

I really hope things work out for you!

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'd be happy to talk with you one-on-one!

Yixinli Answers Community, World, and I Love You! We're here for you! Find answers to your questions at: https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Good day, question asker!

After reading your question, I can see that you're facing a challenging situation. I want to offer you a warm hug to show my support.

The issue you're facing is:

When you meet a guy you can talk to, and you feel a little attracted to him, or he flirts with you, you may feel a bit uncomfortable and unsure of how to proceed in the relationship.

Perhaps we could analyze the problem together?

1. It is possible that when the questioner was young, they grew up with their parents taking care of them in every way, and their parents did not give them enough emotional care, making the questioner sensitive, controlling, suspicious, and even somewhat idealistic in their thinking. When they meet a guy they can chat with, they may feel a little uneasy at the thought of chatting. This could be an indication that the questioner longs to be liked by someone, but they may have a tendency to demand that others be unconditional towards them, or that they be sincere enough. Everyone is independent and needs love, but they are also afraid of being hurt, so sometimes they may test others in some way. What the questioner may dislike is being deceived and tested.

2. It is also possible that the questioner may be a person with a very strong sense of self-esteem, proud and vulnerable. When communicating with the outside world, they may hold some subconscious wariness, which could be a result of being afraid of being deceived and hurt.

3. It could be said that hating being cheated on and hating all kinds of tricks are, subconsciously speaking, normal defense mechanisms that everyone tends to use to avoid harm and seek benefits.

4. The questioner may not have had many opportunities to develop emotional experience, and they may also have limited exposure to interactions with the opposite sex. They may invest a great deal of time and energy into evaluating a person's character, but sometimes they may lack the necessary time or patience. This can lead them to perceive flirtatious individuals as unreliable and potentially manipulative, which may stem from a genuine concern about being hurt.

In the following analysis and solutions, we will endeavor to:

(1) Try to accept yourself fully, including your emotional experiences and your immature self.

(2) Be patient. At this stage, it would be beneficial to focus on learning. On the one hand, you have the opportunity to improve yourself and become better, and on the other hand, you can also observe the other person's character and behavior.

(3) It is important to maintain your own attitude and principles, while also being appropriately aloof and reserved. This will help you maintain a sense of distance, which will in turn help you to avoid losing your sense of humanity or yourself, and to avoid getting hurt.

(4) It is important to view the routine in a rational manner, without concerning ourselves with the opinions of others. Instead, we should focus on the actions they take. Similarly, we should not be concerned with how they treat us, but rather with how they interact with those who are disadvantaged. Ultimately, no amount of routine is worth losing one's sincerity and character.

(5) I don't reject social interaction itself, but I do have a sense of boundaries. If I feel it's not the right situation for me, I'll politely decline. If I'm not sure, I'll take my time to think it over.

I hope my answer is helpful. I wish you all the best in your endeavors.

Hello, question asker!

After reading your account, I can feel your distress. It's so interesting how some girls feel disgusted when they have physical contact with the opposite sex or think about having an intimate relationship with the opposite sex, while others clearly like the guy but feel uncomfortable or even a bit sick whenever there is physical contact!

There are a few simple reasons for this:

Let's dive into the fascinating world of psychology together! Here's an intriguing concept: physical intimacy with the opposite sex can trigger your psychological defense mechanism. This mechanism is actually your brain's way of protecting you. You might resist the male, or subconsciously believe that you are not worthy of a beautiful love and feel disgusted, keeping yourself away from love. This is related to your beliefs about love (the opposite sex).

The second type is caused by trauma in childhood. Some people have experienced sexual assault or molestation since childhood, or have been bullied and verbally abused by boys, or have grown up in a family with a poor atmosphere, where parents often have violent conflicts, or have been influenced by traditional family values, etc. Some people feel disgusted by the opposite sex because of the belief that having intimate relationships with boys is a dirty and shameful thing. But here's the good news! You can overcome these feelings and live a happy, fulfilling life.

Third, it could be that you have experienced some major or frightening event in the past, which has left a serious psychological shadow (trauma) and thus caused a generalized conditioned response. So what is generalization?

The psychological explanation is all about understanding your current psychological state and reaction. It's not about dwelling on the past. It's about embracing the present and future! So, if this happens, it's time to go to a professional and discuss it together.

Once you find the root of the problem, you can truly solve your current distress!

Wishing you all the best!