Feeling a bit empty after helping others?

Hello, question asker. I'm Gu Daoxi, aka Fengshou Skinny Donkey, your Heart Detective coach.

We believe in giving and taking, and we hope that our efforts will be rewarded in kind. When I feel like I've been "cheated" in a relationship, it can make me feel uncomfortable, which is actually quite normal.

I'm not sure if the questioner's classmates and the questioner are at a point where the questioner is willing to do something for the other person without expecting anything in return. If the answer is no, it's not surprising. The questioner can try to see if they feel this way about other good friends.

How the other person responds during the conversation can also affect how the questioner feels. If the other person doesn't even say thank you after being comforted for a long time, the questioner may feel unhappy.

The question asker might want to think about their own personality. Are they usually sensitive and easily concerned about gains and losses? If so, the question asker might want to think about the rate of return while giving and could easily feel like they're "losing" because the other person's feedback isn't what they expected.

Is the questioner usually good at rejection? If not, it may make them not particularly want to help, and they may be embarrassed to say no, so they do it while feeling conflicted.

If we want to help others without burning out, we have to look after ourselves. When we're low on energy, dealing with other people's negativity can be really draining. It's no surprise that the person asking the questions might feel tired after helping.

It can help to try to understand your emotions so you can embrace and soothe them better. When we don't fight against our emotions, we may feel better.

When you're trying to help someone, it's not just about having the right professional knowledge. It's also about having a similar outlook. If you think about it from the perspective of a classmate, it's understandable that the questioner might feel embarrassed to say anything they don't want to hear. And going against your conscience is also really draining. So, it's not surprising that the questioner would become emotional.

It's okay to feel emotional and tired after helping. This can help the questioner care more about their feelings and reduce excessive consumption of themselves.

I'd suggest checking out "Embracing the Child Within."

Best wishes!

Good day. You provided assistance to your colleagues by sharing your knowledge and insights on the subject matter. However, you subsequently experienced a sense of emptiness and unfairness, which initially caused some confusion.

This situation is not uncommon, as expectations of relationships and the reactions of others are a natural part of human experience. When there is a discrepancy between expectations and reality, it is easy to perceive an imbalance. Additionally, attending to and supporting the emotional and spiritual needs of others can also be draining, which can sometimes diminish the sense of joy in helping others.

You stated that you provided her with "unconditional support and belief" during the communication process, which helped her cope with her distress. "Unconditional support and belief" is a significant commitment and sacrifice. In a sense, it is as if you have assumed part of her responsibility (psychologically, not in reality). Moreover, your assistance is related to her family, which is different in meaning from being friendly with your classmates in general. Therefore, you may feel that the relationship experience she once brought to you does not match this.

From a psychological perspective, it is also possible that you are not satisfied with the relationship with her. This incident may have triggered hidden feelings.

It would also be beneficial to consider what kind of response you expect from her after this communication. For instance, you may have expected her to acknowledge the significance of the help and support you have provided and express her gratitude, but her response did not meet these expectations.

Or does she even seem to take your contributions for granted? Imbalance and unfairness are often related to psychological expectations.

In any relationship, there must be a balance of give and take. When this is not the case, it can lead to feelings of imbalance and unfairness. If you feel that the giving and receiving is not equal, you may wish to explore the boundaries that suit you, adjust the amount of giving, or adjust your expectations of the relationship.

Additionally, consider how you can prioritize your own emotional well-being. If you were your own best friend, what kind of encouraging messages would you share with yourself? You may find it beneficial to repeat these affirmations to yourself.

Good morning,

From your inquiry, it appears that this type of psychological experience is quite prevalent. Primarily, assisting others should be a joyful and rewarding endeavor. However, it is important to recognize that the process of helping can also evoke complex emotions.

You have invested your own experience and knowledge in helping your classmate, and it may have even taken a lot of energy and time. Despite your best efforts, when giving more out of goodwill and concern for her, the human mind tends to expect a corresponding return. This is not necessarily material things, but also emotional recognition or feedback. Moreover, you mentioned feeling that your help was greater than the friendship she had once given you. This may have caused you to subconsciously feel a sense of "inequity," feeling that you have given more but not received a commensurate response or return, which has triggered an inner imbalance.

Furthermore, when assisting another individual's family, the expanded scope may result in an increased sense of responsibility and pressure, potentially leading to feelings of exhaustion and ineffectiveness. However, it is essential to recognize that the primary objective of assisting others should not be solely to receive something in return, but rather to genuinely hope that the other person can lead a better life. This experience may provide insights into your boundaries and methods of assisting others, enabling you to navigate future interactions with a greater awareness of your needs.

From a more profound perspective, the imbalance you feel may also originate from your perception and protection of your own value. Your accumulation and experience are valuable assets that you have gained through hard work and learning. When you give unreservedly, you may be concerned that your value will be over-consumed without being valued as it should be. At the same time, human energy is limited. While you are wholeheartedly helping your classmates, you may neglect your own needs and feelings. If you remain in this state of giving for a long time without timely replenishment and adjustment, you will naturally feel a sense of emptiness and exhaustion.

Furthermore, psychological support and assistance are often intangible, unlike material resources that can be objectively quantified. This makes it challenging to intuitively assess the impact of your contributions, which can easily lead to feelings of uncertainty and doubt about the efficacy of your efforts. However, if you consider it from another perspective, your assistance may already have a positive effect on your colleagues, although this may take time to fully manifest. Moreover, this experience can also be an opportunity for personal growth, enabling you to learn to better balance your own needs and the needs of others, while maintaining your kind and helpful qualities, and also developing your ability to care for yourself and fill your heart with more energy.

I wish you success and happiness.

Good day, inquirer.

The question thus arises as to why providing assistance to others may result in a sense of emptiness. This is a phenomenon that can be collectively addressed and elucidated.

Professional counselors are required to accept their clients unconditionally. However, this does not preclude the existence of their own values.

Even professional counselors have areas in which they are not proficient when dealing with all kinds of clients. At this juncture, it is advisable to seek the counsel of other counselors.

Moreover, we were merely novices in the field of psychology, with only a rudimentary understanding of its tenets. In our discourse with our classmates, we extended unconditional support and trust.

However, this does not imply that we lack an opinion about the matter and the individual in question. In the aftermath of the incident, we may come to perceive human nature as being excessively intricate and self-serving, and may even doubt our capacity to love another individual unreservedly.

The thoughts that arise in our minds may engender a sense of helplessness. At this juncture, a sense of emptiness may naturally arise.

Conversely, professional counselors charge a fee, and the value of the consultation is reflected in the fee. As a result, it is challenging to ascertain the extent of assistance provided to classmates. A sense of worthlessness may also contribute to feelings of emptiness.

Upon embarking on my initial foray into the field of psychology, I was gratified to be of assistance. However, I soon discerned that the individual in question did not appear to embrace my counsel.

At that juncture, I also experienced a sense of emptiness and worthlessness.

Additionally, emotions are contagious. When a classmate engages in conversation with you, this may cause psychological conflict for him.

As a result of the violation of moral norms, the individual may experience negative emotions, including a sense of guilt for engaging in an action they recognize as wrong, a sense of self-blame, and a sense of powerlessness. These emotions can spread to others, leading to feelings of emptiness.

Professional counselors are trained to remain emotionally detached from their clients. The rest of us are more or less susceptible to the emotional states of the individuals with whom we interact.

One might inquire as to the means of alleviating a sense of emptiness. It is postulated that self-comfort may be achieved through the assertion, "This is all I can do for him!"

It is important to return the responsibility and choice to the classmate. Pat the clothes again to shake off the negative associations and feelings of emptiness.

One may choose to engage in an activity that is personally enjoyable, such as running or reading, as a means of providing oneself with a distraction.

The aforementioned information is provided for reference only.

It is my sincere hope that these suggestions will prove beneficial. Sincerely,