Feeling confused, it is hard to accept the current relationship with my boyfriend. Am I just lacking something?

Hello, I'm your questioner, and I'm here to help.

Hi, I'm Lingjing, a listening therapist. I'm really happy to have this chance to chat with you.

From what I can see in your relationship with your boyfriend, you seem satisfied with other aspects, but it seems like he always likes to be alone and rarely initiates contact with you, which makes you very anxious. I completely understand your dilemma, so let me give you a warm hug first.

It's more challenging for women in romantic relationships because our society tends to assume that women are more reserved and should be the passive party in an intimate relationship. When they encounter such a situation, many women choose to wait.

Men often find it challenging to be proactive in recognizing this, or they may not prioritize it, or they simply do their own thing and live according to their habits. This can lead to a constant cycle of hope and disappointment, and in the end, many girls give up on the relationship because they can't handle it.

If girls lack security and need constant confirmation to maintain a relationship, this way of getting along with each other is even more disastrous. Even if the relationship is stable and there are no other problems, it is difficult to achieve a positive outcome.

So, regardless of how serious the problem is, it's a major setback for the relationship and will always make the girl doubt it. I'm not sure about the specifics of your relationship, but let's assume there are no other issues. In that case, you can try to figure out what you want.

If you like this person and are happy with him overall, except for one thing that makes you uncomfortable, you can try to move away from traditional concepts and take the lead in this relationship. If you miss him, you can contact him; if you want to meet, you can set a time and place with him. If he likes to be alone and is more of a homebody, he will probably prefer this kind of life where you make the rules and he obeys.

If you're feeling down and think that your performance is affected by your personality, you can get professional help. This could be through things like psychological counseling or talking to someone on a platform in real time. This can help you deal with your emotions, work out what's really going on, and make changes where you need to.

I'm an enthusiastic answerer, a psychological listener, an offline consultant, a health manager, a nutritionist, and a Chinese medicine health enthusiast. I hope to help you by learning how to face life's challenges and sharing my experience to help others.

Hello, question asker!

From what you've said, it seems like you need your boyfriend to care more about you. At the same time, you're very wise, you're always aware of what's going on, and you're constantly working on yourself and improving.

You say that things are basically fine with your boyfriend, but because he likes to be alone, you only get three or four messages a day and he rarely calls. If you call him, he'll answer and return it, but you feel that you lack a sense of security. You're also busy at work, so even though you need more companionship and care from him, is that right?

Now that you're more aware, you're ready to make some changes. You've signed up for a training course and are thinking of getting a dog to keep you company.

There's a reason for it, whether it's a lack of security on our part or the other person's preference for solitude. We need to become aware of what the need behind our actions is and what the reason is. This can be beneficial for us.

Based on what you've shared, I have a few suggestions that I hope will be helpful.

First, be more aware and clarify.

Everyone's living environment and experiences are different, and so are their feelings. Everyone's personality is also shaped by family, education, and experiences. As adults, we've had some unpleasant experiences in communicating with our boyfriends, which may be related to the personalities of both parties. You also realize that you may not feel very secure. At this time, we need to pay more attention to what we need behind us? Do we need the company of our boyfriend?

Or do we need a boyfriend to make up for a lack of security? Only after continuous awareness can we clarify and establish our emotions and our true inner needs.

Second, learn to accept things as they are.

From what you've said, it seems like you're also trying to change your mindset. Instead of asking your boyfriend for affection, you're focusing on improving yourself and getting a dog to keep you company. This is a great way to accept the situation because, let's face it, most boyfriends are pretty good. The rest of us just need to adjust our mindset, soothe our inner sadness, and learn to love ourselves. We should all love ourselves and support ourselves, regardless of how secure we feel. This is the only way we can love and be loved, and it's the only way we can stay calm when our boyfriends act in ways that bother us.

Then, learn a good communication model.

From what you said, it seems like you've talked to your boyfriend a lot. But there might still be some issues. If you want to keep dating him, you should sit down and have a serious, honest conversation. This takes some communication skills. One of them is that if we want others to meet our expectations, we have to meet their needs too. We can also learn to be a bit more playful or proactive when it's appropriate. Of course, this is only possible if we've made some adjustments. Maybe we'll be more proactive then!

When we communicate, we don't do it with resentment, but calmly. That might help. You could also look into what his expectations are behind his emotional behavior. That might be a good way to start communicating.

I'd suggest checking out the book "Nonviolent Communication."

You also mentioned that you're enrolling in training courses and planning to get a dog. Ultimately, though, we have to focus on strengthening ourselves and improving ourselves. If we can learn to love ourselves, we'll be in a better position to love and be loved.

We need to become more aware of what we really want. This will help us to be clearer about what we want and to take action more easily. It will also help us to find people and to live a happy life.

Good day. I would like to introduce myself as someone who is not particularly tall or muscular.

It's natural for everyone to want different degrees of intimacy and security. The degree to which each partner in a couple feels intimacy and security is also different, as are the ways in which they want to express intimacy and the ways in which they want to receive it. This can sometimes lead to differences and conflicts in the relationship, which is something that can be worked through together.

It's not necessary to be a chatterbox in love, and you don't have to talk on the phone every day. However, providing each other with a sense of certainty can strengthen the relationship.

It might be helpful to consider whether the man shows any action-oriented care for you, apart from chatting less. Some people may express their love through actions, while you may prefer to receive love through words. In this way, even if the other person loves you very much, there is a chance that your message may be misinterpreted, resulting in a failure to receive the message.

It might be helpful to consider the reasons behind your feelings of insecurity. Could it be due to a lack of stability in the other person's response, or might it be related to your own comfort level with being alone and the fear of loneliness that comes with it?

It can be helpful to distinguish between love and wanting someone to keep you company. Love is when I like you and want to be with you often. When I see you, I'm happy. When we're apart, I miss you and reminisce about the sweet past. Wanting someone to keep you company is when someone feels lonely and doesn't feel comfortable being alone. Being alone can lead to loneliness, discomfort, and daydreaming.

Perhaps there is a way to express your love that you could try together? If so, you might be able to find an expression that is easier to achieve and more acceptable to both parties. It might be that if a person cannot keep a promise, it could be because they either don't love you or they don't love you that much.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether he noticed your emotional collapse and whether you made it clear to him.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether he has shown responsibility towards you.

It may be helpful to be aware of your inner feelings in order to better face the current situation and make changes.

1. It is important to consider whether the foundation of your actions is rooted in a genuine sense of love and mutual respect. It can be helpful to reflect on whether you are relying on him for love and companionship, or if there is a sense of loneliness or insecurity. By understanding these dynamics, you can gain insight into the underlying sources of your insecurity.

2. It would be helpful to be aware of the ways in which both parties express and receive love. This will enable you to communicate the ways in which both parties are willing to express love and the ways in which the other party is willing to receive love. You may find the book "The Five Languages of Love" helpful in this regard.

"3" It might be helpful to consider the similarities and differences between you and your partner. If you love someone and work hard to improve yourself, it may not be realistic to expect them to be meticulous and attentive to the family. It's important to accept the differences between you and your partner and to find ways to reconcile them. "If I Knew Before Marriage" may help you identify some issues and work through them.

Everyone has a different personality in relationships. Learning more about your own personality in relationships may help you understand yourself better, accept the other person, and make changes. "How to Hug a Hedgehog" may be a helpful resource for understanding each other better.

'5' It is worth noting that pursuing an interest for its own sake may not always be the most effective approach. While training and other forms of pursuit can be energizing, they often require a significant investment of time and effort. This process, while rewarding, can also elicit a range of responses, including positive and negative feedback. It is important to recognize that seeking hardship for its own sake may not be the most beneficial strategy. Instead, it may be more constructive to start with something enjoyable and cultivate a single interest.

It might be helpful to consider that owning a dog can be physically demanding. It could be beneficial to first identify what preparations are needed to own a dog. One option might be to help a friend take care of a dog first to experience if it is something they would like to do before making a decision to buy one.

It might be helpful to communicate with the other person and find a friend to talk to as a way to release emotions and gain clarity on feelings. This could potentially help to improve your sense of well-being.

I hope you find this information helpful and useful.