Feeling something for her, the interpersonal relationship has changed, how should one properly view it?

Hello!

Host:

After reading the post, I could really feel how frustrated and confused the poster was. At the same time, I also noticed that the poster was really brave for sharing how he was feeling and for looking for help on the platform. I'm sure that will help him to understand himself better and to make some changes.

I'd also like to share some thoughts from the post that I hope will help you see things differently.

1. Try to deal with your emotions before dealing with things.

From reading your post, I can see that you're feeling pretty distressed right now. I don't just think it's about feeling a bit down, but I can understand why you'd feel that way.

I can see that you're feeling a bit chaotic and anxious. Have you ever thought about how approaching things with these emotions might make it difficult to get a good result?

It can be so hard when our hearts are burdened by emotions. It's like our rational thinking gets stuck!

So, the original poster might want to start by dealing with his emotions. How do you handle your emotions?

I'm not sure how the original poster has dealt with his emotions in the past, but you can use the way you used to deal with your emotions to express your emotions in a reasonable way.

Another great way to relax and calm down is to go for a walk!

2. It's so important to think about what you want!

I was just wondering, after reading your post, if you might have had a little feeling for her. I know you were both friends and colleagues with her.

I'm just wondering, why didn't you think about pursuing it? It seems like you haven't really talked much this week.

I'm just wondering if it's that you don't know how to face her? Or maybe you don't know what you want? Or is it some other reason?

These are the things the host needs to think about. It'll help us find our place in the relationship and figure out what we want from it.

It's so important to think about what we want from this relationship. And it's also good to think about our needs.

It's so important to think about what the other person can provide for our needs. These are the things the host needs to think about and explore.

It's so important to understand what you want and what you want from this relationship. Once you know that, you'll be able to find your place and position. You'll also know what to give up and how you should get along with her.

3. Try to find a good time to have a nice chat with your partner.

In the post, it looks like the poster has taken the first step by asking her out, but she just smiled and said, "Nothing much." From my perspective, this answer doesn't seem to come from the heart.

We used to have such lovely chats, but I haven't cracked a joke in a week. Still, I'm having a wonderful time chatting with other people. It's a little strange that you're acting so strangely.

So, the original poster might want to find an opportunity to have a good chat with her and exchange thoughts and feelings. Of course, before chatting, you need to help her feel more open and relaxed.

I think the original poster would really benefit from learning some new communication methods. For example, "Nonviolent Communication" could be a great fit! I'm confident that the original poster will gain a lot from it.

I just wanted to let you know that there is a reading club on this book platform!

I really hope these will be helpful and inspiring for the poster. I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach on the Yixinli platform.

Please don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions. You can click on "Find a Coach" to find me. I'm sorry that there isn't more information to go on, but I'm happy to answer your questions to the best of my ability.

Good day. My name is Coach Xinfan Feiyun, and I am grateful for your willingness to share your experiences.

"Attention will be reinforced." It is important to gain an understanding of one's own emotions.

You have developed a slight liking for her, as you yourself have acknowledged. However, it is worth considering the perspective of an impartial observer, who may be able to provide a more objective assessment. It is possible that your feelings for her may not be as strong as you believe, or that your relationship with her as colleagues has become somewhat distant.

Love can be likened to a cup of bitter coffee.

Love and being loved are both abilities that should be embraced and enjoyed. It is a blessing to be missed.

However, the pain of unrequited love is also a torment. One experiences a desire to avoid separation when encountering the object of one's affection and a sense of longing immediately following their departure. This is precisely the wonderful feeling associated with love. It is difficult to resist the impulse to act upon these feelings.

From the information provided in the initial description, it is not possible to ascertain whether a romantic attachment has already formed. Despite the admission of a degree of interest in the other person, the nature of love is a private matter between two individuals.

The source of distress is the discrepancy between the expectations of positive affect that you project and the hope that the other person will reciprocate those feelings.

However, this cannot be confirmed. The need for a sense of "worth" (i.e., the feeling of being important), "security" (i.e., the feeling of being worthy of love), and "control" (i.e., the feeling of being able to do it) is not being met, which results in feelings of nervousness, panic, and even loss of self-control.

Alternatively, one's emotions may also stem from the need to safeguard one's self-esteem. An excessive sense of self-esteem can manifest as an inferiority complex. In the event of rejection, an individual may experience a sense of defeat, leading to the internalization of the belief that they have failed.

It is imperative to recognize that failure is merely a form of feedback. It is inevitable that everyone will experience feelings of inferiority at some point. It is precisely these feelings of inferiority that serve as the driving force behind our pursuit of self-improvement and the acceptance of our shortcomings. In this regard, two highly recommended books are "Inferiority and Transcendence" and "The Courage to Be Disliked."

As you previously stated, you also took the initiative to inquire about the matter, and she merely smiled and stated that it was unimportant. In this instance, I perceive your image to be that of an honest and mature individual. Have you possibly overlooked an important message?

Does her behavior indicate that she is expressing her affection and love for you through "refusing" and "keeping her distance" from you?

It requires courage and confidence to confront the complexities of romantic relationships. It is, therefore, important to consider whether expressing one's affection for a romantic interest is a viable option. It is likely that interactions with colleagues or other adults will not significantly impact the quality of one's romantic relationship. The key is to achieve a balance between one's personal needs and the demands of one's professional and romantic lives.

2. The brain has a need to "rationalize."

In this context, it is necessary to consider the possibility that the subject may be engaging in a form of psychological defense mechanism, namely rationalization.

Rationalization can be defined as a type of psychological defense mechanism.

This occurs when a person's motives fail to materialize, or when they cannot conform to social norms, and their goals cannot be achieved. In order to alleviate distress, they will invariably seek to justify their position by offering a rationale that justifies their own perspective. This method is referred to as "rationalization."

In essence, this is a process whereby an individual employs a reasonable justification to disguise their own feelings of frustration or helplessness.

Psychological research has demonstrated that individuals are driven to demonstrate their correctness. Once an individual has established a goal or rationale, even in the face of significant contextual shifts, their objective may appear untenable. To substantiate their position, they will invariably

Psychological research has demonstrated that individuals consistently seek to validate their beliefs and assert their correctness. Once an individual has established a specific objective or rationale, even in the face of significant contextual shifts, their chosen course of action may appear untenable. To substantiate their position and maintain psychological equilibrium, they tend to identify justifications that reinforce their stance, thereby obscuring the actual truth.

In an unconscious manner, this behavior of accumulating evidence to justify one's actions and provide a logical rationale for them is referred to as "rationalization."

There has been a notable decline in the frequency of joking between the two parties, accompanied by subtle yet perceptible changes in their interactions. These observations collectively prompt an introspective examination of the relationship, prompting the question of whether there is a need for "rationalization."

There has been a notable decline in the frequency of joking between the two parties, accompanied by subtle yet perceptible changes in their interactions. These observations collectively prompt an introspective examination of the relationship, prompting the question of whether there is a need for "rationalization."

It is my sincere hope that the above will prove beneficial to you, and that you will accept my love and affection.

It is my sincere hope that the above will prove beneficial to you, and that you will accept my love and affection.

Should you wish to pursue further communication, you are invited to click on the "Find a coach" link, which can be found in the upper right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. This will enable you to engage in one-to-one communication and growth with me.

Hello!

You and your colleague used to get along and have feelings for each other. Now, the relationship is awkward. You can't joke around or have deep conversations. You don't know why, and you're confused.

Decide what you really want.

You're just acquaintances at work, but you have feelings for her.

If you talk to her about your feelings, she may sense them. If she doesn't want a relationship, she may distance herself.

This may show you value your relationship with her and want to connect with her. It may also show you don't want your relationship to grow distant. This may worry you because it's hard not to care.

Understand that relationships are interactive and adjust your state.

Interactions are two-way, so we can't force them. We can only adjust our state and adapt to the relationship.

You can choose from two options.

You can break the ice.

You can be sure your feelings are genuine and urgent. You can take the initiative to promote the relationship, express your feelings, and express your unwillingness to remain lukewarm. This idea is risky, but it may help you understand the other person's thoughts.

This takes courage and requires you to think through the consequences.

Second, let go.

Ignoring this may be hard for you.

If you can't let go, it might mean you're too attached to the relationship and the other person doesn't feel the same.

If you can let go, your relationship can return to normal. This will help you move on.

Letting go means accepting the other person's attitude and seeing it as a natural, appropriate relationship between colleagues. Nothing happened before, so let it go.

Divert your attention.

Meet new people.

Or focus on yourself and your own growth.

The best way not to hang yourself is to go to a bigger forest.

I hope Hongyu's reply helps. Thanks for asking!

Hello! From what you've said, it seems like you feel wronged and unhappy that your opposite-sex friend has neglected, ignored, and not cared about you. You're feeling helpless and uncomfortable because you can't tell her how you really feel.

You might want to try keeping an emotional diary. Just write down the feelings of frustration and annoyance you have when a friend of the opposite sex you care about is treated differently from other colleagues. This can help you understand your emotions better and explore the needs behind them, such as the desire to be valued, cared about, and accepted, and the fear of being rejected.

If you can identify the underlying needs behind your discomfort, you can try to meet them through your own efforts first. Then, you can choose an appropriate moment to tell her how you feel about being treated differently, not cared about, not needed, and not valued. You can express your desire for her to do something so that you can feel accepted and cared about.

Think about whether you want to get anything from her other than the general attention, care, and acceptance you'd give a colleague. If not, you can stop depleting yourself by focusing on her and start enriching your life. For example, take up some new interests and hobbies, go for a run, and spend your free time learning, reading, and self-improving. You can also expand your social circle and learn some social skills.

When you enrich your life through a meaningful and active lifestyle, you'll be able to focus your energy on nourishing and growing yourself. Things that take up your time and energy externally will gradually fall away. What do you think?

I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. The world and I love you.

Hello, questioner!

After reading your post, I could tell that something was up! It seems like you've been chatting with your female colleague, who you talk to quite a bit, for a while. You noticed that she was having a good time chatting with someone else. When you asked her about it, she gave you a lukewarm response, which made you feel uncomfortable. From a third-person perspective, I'd like to give you some inspiration!

1. Why do you have these subtle feelings?

From your description, I can tell that you have a very sensitive emotional nature, which is great! You seem to have noticed differences and changes in your conversations with her, in her conversations with other colleagues, and in her responses to you. I wonder if she has noticed the same things. So, first of all, you are a very observant person with a sensitive emotional nature, which is a wonderful quality!

Have you ever paid such close attention to any of your other female colleagues? I think the reason you can observe and feel such minute details is because you have feelings for her! They're not strong feelings, but they're there. And it's clear that you pay extra attention to her.

So you can notice even the slightest changes in her behavior and words, and even her conversations with others, and you will feel differently!

2. How do you face your true feelings?

Most people's anxiety comes from uncertainty about the future and a lack of confidence in themselves. But you're different! You're facing your current distress and confusion head-on, and you're doing it with confidence. You know that on the surface, it seems to be just a familiar colleague you chat with, but inside you have an additional layer of expectations that are not quite certain, and her attitude towards the relationship seems even more unclear. But you're not letting that stop you!

Once you've sorted out the source of the confusion, it'll be time to make a choice on how to deal with it and take the next step according to your heart!

❀ It would be really great to know exactly what your feelings for her are! Do you want to develop into a boyfriend and girlfriend?

If the answer is that you don't feel anything in particular, just a difference in the level of enthusiasm in communicating with each other, then you can let go with peace of mind! When you have more important work to do and more important friends to interact with, you will let go of this unease in no time!

If the answer is yes and you want to take the relationship further, then read on for some more great advice!

❀ Take the plunge and clarify uncertain relationships and feelings with further actions!

You can try to find out how she feels about you using clearer language and communication methods, or even dare to express your feelings and thoughts! Of course, the prerequisite is that you are also prepared to be rejected. But if you're ready to take the plunge, go for it!

If you are afraid of failure because you care about the relationship, you have the amazing opportunity to spend more time cultivating the relationship! You can then experience your feelings for her and seek proof of her feelings.

Once you have a clearer picture of the relationship and your feelings, you'll be able to resolve any unease or distress you may have.

❀ And there's another option, too! You can just let it go.

I also read that you said that as long as you don't see her, you won't miss her. So this feeling may not be strong enough for you. There are still so many important things waiting for you to accomplish in your life and work! And time and a fulfilling life can also make you let go of this distress.

You are colleagues in the workplace, and you have developed feelings for her. In the course of these feelings developing, you may have inadvertently revealed something, such as expressing your love verbally or displaying your feelings through subtle body language.

Ultimately, however, she views you as a colleague, which can lead to confusion about relationships and awkward situations when your expectations differ. There is a reason why your relationship has changed.

It is likely that something has occurred that has led to this change in the relationship. It would be beneficial to discuss in more detail what was said and done by both parties prior to this shift. It is possible that all thoughts and feelings will be revealed, which may result in a sense of unease on the other person's part.

You previously engaged in frequent communication, but your relationship has since undergone a change. This shift is likely the result of an incident or series of incidents. The other person has stated that no incident occurred, but it is probable that they have concerns and wish to maintain a professional distance without causing distress to the collegial relationship.

If you are currently in a relationship with a colleague, it is likely that you will encounter difficulties in your professional relationship. It is important to remember that if you are indifferent to the situation, it will be easier to navigate. However, if you are still interested in maintaining a professional relationship, you may need to take steps to ensure that your personal feelings do not affect your work.

Please advise.