Finding friends in college is difficult, what are the boundaries for girls' interactions with boys?

A big, warm hug to the questioner from afar!

Let's dive into the questioner's description:

He's not one to turn down an invitation! He's got a great same-sex friend, they eat and walk together, and they chat with the opposite sex now and again. He's a very sociable guy!

I just started university and met several people of the opposite sex who were really friendly and took the initiative to chat, ask me out to dinner, hang out, and study with me. We weren't close, but just like in high school, I gradually lost contact with everyone except him.

He often told you he loved you, confided in a classmate of the opposite sex, talked about life goals, hobbies, and life in general, had a good time, and added each other on social media with private accounts. But then he felt scared when things got a bit out of hand.

It can be tough to reconnect with friends when everyone seems to have a new circle. It's natural to crave the company of friends when we're feeling lonely. Having a good support system of friends to socialize with is so important.

A few words for the questioner:

It seems that the problem the questioner is facing is not really an interpersonal problem, but is caused by the views of some people. And the questioner is a nostalgic person who really hopes that the friendship will last forever.

And then there's some independent thinking about the sense of boundaries between people, which is a great thing! It shows that the questioner is also reflecting on himself and thinking within a normal range.

On the one hand, the questioner is just too nice to argue and just explains his actions, which shows his easygoing personality.

The OP has already begun to experience that, in fact, the emotions between friends will fade, and sometimes we will re-establish new relationships and build new emotions. It can be tricky to meet old friends from more than ten years ago! This is also the norm in life.

It's totally normal to feel a little lonely sometimes. The good news is that if you give it time, you'll get used to it. And before you know it, everyone will love your way of doing things! It'll be so much easier to build long-lasting relationships.

Some people just naturally drift apart, not because the relationship has faded, but because everyone naturally gravitates towards the feeling that is more comfortable in the moment.

The important thing is this: Is your fear of the name Aquarius really greater than your need for social interaction?

Labels are a fact of campus life. They're like a virus responding to public opinion, marking targets of attack for burning passions.

Neptune is the most special label on the university campus. Everyone wants to be it, but at the same time, they don't want to be it.

Who wouldn't want to be loved by many people?

But who can bear the blame and the shame?

I am confident in my assumptions about the questioner:

1. You don't care what Aquarius is, and you reject the pressure that comes with the Aquarius label.

2. You love socializing and meeting new people. You're not afraid of the ambiguity that comes with making friends.

3. You are, in fact, much more mature than your boyfriend. You are tired of being the only one acting the part in an adult relationship.

If this is the case, the Sea King label is definitely not a useless tool for you.

1. Avoid a guy who is always hanging around with Aquaman for no reason. He's not a good guy.

2. Don't waste your time chatting with boys who get carried away and think they're in love with you. After all, the title of "Aquaman" is very refreshing.

3. Filter out the herd-following brothers. You're not a kindergarten teacher, so don't waste your time explaining the story of the little horse crossing the river to each one of them.

One day, you will meet a guy who will smile at you as you flirt with your friends, and he will always walk unhurriedly behind you. When you are once again accidentally liked, he will just happen to walk up to you and say, "Sorry, he already has a boyfriend."

You're going to ask him, "Am I Aquaman?"

He patted your head and replied, "You're an idiot."

This is Yan Gou's dividing line.

This is all based on the premise that you are good-looking.

If you don't look good, study hard and stop wasting your time with this nonsense.

Hello, question asker.

I'm Intern Meow, a listener at Yixin.

You've never been able to say no since you were a kid, and you're having some trouble fitting in and making friends at university. You're especially confused and anxious about boundaries when it comes to the opposite sex.

When the questioner was in high school, he was more comfortable with people of the opposite sex and could easily mingle with them. At that time, it didn't seem like anything was wrong, but when we entered university, it was like entering a small society.

In this society, we no longer interact with children, but with adults, and the issue of boundaries comes up.

What is a sense of boundaries?

It's really about having good social manners. It's knowing what to say and what not to say, and what to do and what not to do.

It's really important for adults to be able to set and maintain healthy boundaries. This includes not just the physical, but also the psychological.

Physical boundaries

As the name suggests, it's about having a sense of physical boundaries. Our physical movements, which are visible to the eye and audible to the ear, are all part of our sense of boundaries at the physical level.

When you're with the opposite sex, you don't have any feelings for them, but they get close to you anyway. It's easy to misunderstand things when you don't know your own boundaries.

Psychological boundaries

Our sense of psychological boundaries is shaped by our thoughts, concepts, and emotions.

If the opposite sex always forces you to do things you don't like or tries to force their ideas on you, it's only natural to feel annoyed and irritated. This shows that our psychological boundaries are resisting and rebelling.

[Your own circle of friends?

Once we've got a handle on the boundary issues with the opposite sex, we can start thinking about re-establishing contact with our old friends.

Old friends may have their own circle of friends over time, and that's okay. They can establish their own circle of friends.

In this circle of friends, you can have your old friends, as well as new friends. It doesn't matter if they're new or old friends. As long as we interact sincerely, care for each other, stay in touch, and exchange sincerity for sincerity, I believe we can all establish friendships.

As the questioner said, people are social animals and friends are a must. But when making friends, it's also important to remember your own boundaries. Only those who can share a boundary with you are likely to go further and longer with you.

Hello, questioner!

From the questioner's text, it seems that the questioner is currently facing some challenges in navigating interpersonal communication. These include a misunderstanding with her boyfriend and the dissolution of a close friendship. It appears that the questioner is seeking guidance on how to balance these two relationships.

Perhaps we could first consider what difficulties you have encountered and whether there might be a way to deal with them in a more constructive manner?

I have always been someone who is very sociable and doesn't tend to draw boundaries or put up barriers.

This is your own way of making friends. Before meeting your boyfriend, it has brought you a lot of good relationships. At least from your writing, it seems there is nothing wrong with this approach.

Perhaps we could put aside the interference of boyfriends and look at it objectively? It seems that, whether the questioner is interested in the opposite sex or the same sex, you will initiate conversations, go out to dinner, hang out, study together, and have no strong opinions. You get along well and there seems to be no crossing of boundaries. Such interpersonal relationships could be seen as healthy and beneficial to you, so perhaps it would be helpful not to blame yourself first.

It's not possible to give a universal answer to this question. We each have to find our own way of navigating interpersonal interactions.

After we started dating, he added all of my friends at once. He often accused me of fishing for information and called me the "sea king." He also communicated with boys in a way that was sometimes unclear.

From the time you started dating, it seemed as though the guy might have been trying to exert a bit too much control, adding all your close friends to his contacts. I'm not sure if your decreased contact with your close friends was because of your boyfriend's request or perhaps a show of loyalty to him.

It seems that this approach may be causing you some discomfort, even pain.

I can see the efforts you have made in this relationship, but I wonder if they are worthwhile and if the boy's demands on you are reasonable. I think you already have the answer, but I'm curious to know what you think.

While initial attraction is understandable, not every relationship will necessarily lead to a positive outcome. Additionally, given that you have only recently started university, you will undoubtedly encounter a diverse range of individuals in the years to come. It's not always about choosing the closest person, but rather finding the right fit.

Now, if I may make a suggestion,

The original poster has tried to re-establish contact with his old friends, but it seems that everyone has formed a new circle. It may be challenging to fit into a certain circle if one is not fond of idle chatter about other people's affairs.

While reading is a solitary pleasure, it is also important to recognize the value of social interaction and the need to cultivate friendships.

It seems that the questioner has also expressed his own point of view, namely that people are social animals and have a need for interpersonal interaction. It is also evident that the questioner is currently facing some challenges that are hindering the progress of his interpersonal interactions.

As the questioner said, everyone has a new circle, and it would be great if everyone could stay friends with the same people from before. Indeed, university is a society. If you don't connect with others, it can be hard to stay in touch. People tend to meet new people and do new things, and it can be difficult to stay connected. It can be challenging to go back to the beginning.

Perhaps we could consider pursuing our old relationships while also trying to establish new ones? As the original poster mentioned at the beginning, we do seem to have a natural ability to make friends. This means that we will always meet new friends along the way. These are the people who can support us through the difficult times. It might be helpful to take some time to reflect on who is around us at the moment and to appreciate the time we spend with them.

When the time comes to part ways, it is possible that everyone may go their separate ways. However, it does not necessarily mean that they will completely lose contact. It is likely that everyone will gain strength to grow together from other people they meet along the way and establish intimate relationships with others.

I would like to express my views on interpersonal relationships and offer some suggestions to the questioner in the hope that they will find them helpful and reduce their irritation.

I agree that people are social animals. However, I feel that the questioner may benefit from considering whether confining themselves to "harsh demands" that are "not suitable for them" is the best approach. While this may be a valid perspective, it might not be the most beneficial in the long run.

In addition to romantic relationships, having stable and positive friendships is also an indicator of one's personal appeal. If the other person is unable to recognize your value, it may be worth considering whether the relationship is worth continuing.

I must admit that I am not particularly fond of idle chatter or gossip about other people's business. I find it challenging to fit in with a certain circle. However, apart from idle chatter and gossip, there are other ways to connect with others.

It's understandable that not everyone enjoys gossip and idle chatter. Everyone has different preferences, and there's no right or wrong. Do what you like, and in the process, you will inevitably meet people who are mutually compatible and naturally become friends on the road to growth. If you just gossip and idle chat, the friends you make may only appear when you gossip.

The OP said, "I'm happy when I'm alone and reading a book." It might be helpful to embrace that happiness. When people are alone, they often engage in self-reflection. You could consider using that time to organize your thoughts, plan for the future, and reflect on your aspirations.

Indeed, in this intricate social landscape, it is not common to be able to consciously choose solitude and find happiness in it.

You are not alone on your journey. I wish you the best.

Hello, question asker!

You're facing interpersonal challenges, and it's clear you're distressed. I'm ready to invest time to help you resolve these issues, and I'm confident this will be beneficial for you.

You said you had good friends of the same and opposite sex in high school. You were easy to get along with and didn't know how to say no.

Friendships in high school are simple. Everyone is focused on studying, and there's no room for complications. You chat and do things together, and the content of the chat is similar because that's what you're exposed to.

You say you don't have a sense of boundaries and don't know how to say no. This is something you need to work on. In high school, because everyone was more or less the same, a sense of boundaries was indeed not very obvious.

It's different in university. Everyone comes from a different city, a different province, and grew up in a different family environment with different customs and habits, so their ideas and beliefs will also be very different. You must establish a sense of your own boundaries and learn how to say no to others.

When something happens, figure out whether it's something he wants to do or something you want to do. If you don't want to do it, tell him.

You've met a few friends of the opposite sex with whom you can chat, continuing the style from high school.

I admire your approach and envy your ability to get along with the opposite sex. However, you must be careful and consider whether your opposite-sex friends think the same way.

If others don't think the same way, misunderstandings are inevitable. I'm not saying you should change who you are to avoid misunderstandings, but you should be more considerate of other people's feelings.

After meeting that guy you have a crush on, he adds all your friends.

There are two sides to this. On the one hand, he cares about you and wants to get to know your friends. On the other hand, he's a bit of a control freak.

He accuses you of fishing because what you consider to be ordinary interaction between the opposite sex is not so to him. In the environment in which he grew up, the opposite sex kept their distance, and your friendship goes beyond the ordinary.

You tried to explain it to him, but he couldn't accept it because he'd never experienced this kind of friendship between the opposite sex. He simply couldn't understand the existence of such a friendship.

This difference between you will cause a lot of hidden dangers in your relationship. This guy will undoubtedly decide in his heart that you are an unfaithful person, and any normal interaction you have with other members of the opposite sex will undoubtedly trigger his anger.

Think about it. Would you be willing to give up your other friends for him?

Re-establishing contact with old friends is difficult.

You have distanced yourself from your boyfriend after you got him, and they have a sense of estrangement in their hearts. They have also undergone some changes themselves, and their understanding of friendship, or their own interests and hobbies, and the way they make friends is also different from before.

People do need to socialize. But what do we gain from it? Do we have to compromise ourselves and cater to others? Absolutely not. We can express ourselves and gain happiness in socializing.

Your relationship with your boyfriend is a human relationship, and so are your relationships with your other friends. You deserve to be respected in these relationships.

Do you feel equal? Is there an in-depth exchange of feelings?

With mutual consideration and care.

Any relationship must be based on equality. Both sides must be able to gain nourishment and grow from it. That is a good relationship.

Ultimately, it is not the relationship that matters, but the two people in it. Both parties must work together to build a relationship, and only one party is needed to end it.

And that's it.

Build relationships that suit you.

I am Haru Aoki, and I love you, the world.

Hello, I'm Yi Ming, your heart exploration coach.

I'm Yi Ming, a heart exploration coach.

When you go to university, most people will have trouble making friends.

You said, "Reading alone is very happy, but people are social animals, and it is necessary to have friends to interact with." I'd be happy to chat with you a bit more about this, and I hope it'll be helpful.

1. What are your thoughts on making friends?

As Adler said, "Human troubles all stem from interpersonal relationships."

This goes to show how important interpersonal relationships are to us.

In his book, The Courage to Be Happy, Adler says:

Work, friendship, and love are the three main themes in life.

I'd also suggest you read this book.

While we were at school, it was the ideal setting to gain insight into the nuances of friendship.

You had a number of friends.

There were friends of both genders.

Then there was a boy you liked, and you became less and less involved with everyone except him.

Could it also be because of some of the things he said?

Or has he been controlling you in a subtle way?

Should you reduce your normal interactions with the opposite sex?

Did we eventually come around to agreeing with his accusations because of what he said?

Even though we didn't agree with what he said at first, did his words influence us later on?

Do you think some of your boundaries could be more defined?

We just need to figure out where our boundaries lie, rather than just saying no to ourselves.

2. Find your own sense of boundaries.

2. Find your own sense of boundaries.

How would you define boundaries now when interacting with someone of the opposite sex?

Have you had a chance to chat with this boy you have a crush on yet?

For instance, what kind of behavior is clear-cut?

What kind of communication is possible with other boys in his mind?

What's the norm for communication in this situation?

When you told a classmate of the opposite sex something you shouldn't have, did you feel like you'd crossed a line because you'd added a private account, or did the fact that you had a more enjoyable chat make you feel like you'd crossed a line?

You mentioned that you're feeling afraid now. What's causing that?

Are you worried he'll call you a sea king?

Is everything he says always right?

Think about asking yourself a few more questions.

We can gradually figure out the right way to set boundaries.

To put it another way:

A straightforward, friendly relationship.

If it doesn't lead to any confusion on either side, I think that's fine.

For instance, you shouldn't go on dates with the opposite sex alone or discuss intimate topics.

It is still possible to have good friendships with the opposite sex even if we have boyfriends.

Just be careful not to go overboard.

This is easier said than done.

3. About fitting in with a certain circle.

You say, "I tried to reconnect with my old friends, but everyone has a new circle. I don't like gossip or talking about other people's business, and it's hard for me to fit in." Sometimes, when we reconnect with our old friends, we find that everyone has a new circle and feel a distance from them.

This is totally normal.

There's no need to force ourselves to fit in with a certain circle or make friends just for the sake of it. We can naturally meet people through our favorite activities instead.

For instance, if you like reading, you might find yourself gravitating towards a community of fellow book lovers.

If someone's into photography, they'll naturally make more friends who are into photography, too.

Just relax and socialize with people, and friends will come along.

When we're involved with the opposite sex, we maintain a friendly distance to avoid giving our boyfriends any ideas and to prevent any misunderstandings.

Please feel free to share these.

Wishing you the best!

Hello! I'll give you a warm hug from afar first, okay?

It's totally normal to feel a desperate desire to be listened to, understood, supported, accepted, and affirmed. When you're with friends, you can feel your inner lack of confidence and self-acceptance. That's okay! When you're with friends who respect each other, consider each other, and take the initiative to build a relationship with you, you can get along with them in a friendly way. You can also try to express your feelings and needs appropriately.

From what you've told me, it seems like you might lack a bit of confidence and acceptance of yourself. It's totally normal to feel this way sometimes! When you're with friends who respect and care for each other and are willing to put in the effort to build a relationship with you, it's amazing how well you can get along and connect with them. It's also a great opportunity to express your feelings and needs in a way that feels comfortable for you.

In other words, because you might lack a little confidence and feel a bit rejected by yourself, it's really important to feel fully accepted, understood and supported in a relationship. At this time, you'll try to let go of your inner fears and insecurities, be as true to yourself as possible in the relationship, and maintain a long-term, nurturing relationship.

It can be really tough when you're in a relationship with someone who always wants to control others and prove that they're right by denying, criticizing, and judging others. It's hard to feel confident and safe when you lack inner strength and self-acceptance. You might unintentionally agree with and internalize their way of treating you because you feel like you're not good enough. This can prevent the other person from realizing that their words and actions deeply hurt you and that they need to stop treating you this way. It's also not good for you because you're teaching them that you can be treated this way because you haven't said no firmly but gently, or that it hurts.

It's okay to feel hurt in a relationship. It's even okay to feel disrespected, misunderstood, unsupported, rejected, and unwanted. It's not your fault! These feelings often come from a belief you hold about yourself. It's called a cognitive model. This belief is that you've never refused others. When you have this belief, you may feel like you have to agree with and accept others' actions and attitudes. You might even blame yourself for being in a hurtful situation. But you have the power to choose! You can refuse others and love yourself at the same time.

What do you say, my friend?

It's time to remove that old, limiting label that says "never refusing people since childhood." You've grown so much! You're stronger and more capable than you ever thought possible. You have the resources and strength to protect yourself and stick to your boundaries in relationships. All you have to do is decide you're ready. Nobody can hurt you without your permission.

When you're in a relationship and you're faced with being hurt, it's so important to say "no" gently but firmly, with a resoluteness that doesn't contain any hostility. It's also really helpful to speak sincerely and courageously about your true feelings and needs.

Of course, the first step is to learn to love yourself, inside and out. Believe that you deserve to be treated well by yourself and others. Try making a list of your strengths. This will help you see your many bright spots and strengths, as well as any areas you'd like to work on.

You can definitely try to cultivate self-confidence and enhance your sense of self-worth by keeping a gratitude diary! And you should definitely try to cultivate more interests and passions in your life, so that you can control more and more things.

You know, by actively learning some psychology and reading some psychology-related books, you can become more aware, understand your emotional feelings, and seek to respond in a more appropriate way to meet the needs behind your emotional feelings.

I really think you'd benefit from reading "High Energy Posture."

I really hope my sharing can give you some support and help.

I would like to encourage the questioner to embrace their individuality. It is evident that you have a keen interest in pursuing your own personal interests, enjoy the company of yourself, and at the same time, look forward to engaging in equal and happy social interactions.

1. Primarily, having your own hobbies, such as reading or fishing, allows you to enjoy solitude and relaxation. This is a highly commendable quality. A healthy and fulfilling hobby demonstrates that the questioner is a person who deeply values life. I commend this quality.

2. It is evident that the questioner is genuinely interested in the individual in question. However, to pursue a relationship with him, she has gradually distanced herself from her other friends. Nevertheless, it does not appear that she has a confirmed romantic relationship with this individual. Additionally, based on your description, it seems that he also has a strong desire for control. This could potentially impact your ability to maintain good relationships with others. Without knowing more about your specific mode of interaction and the level of intimacy, it is challenging to provide a more detailed assessment. I recommend that while following your heart, you should also prioritize your emotional well-being. A healthy relationship should be enjoyable for you, right?

3. Finally, with regard to the matter of building a social circle, it should be noted that all of the friends I had before have formed their own circles, and there is no need for us to force ourselves to join. It is not always the case that a good friend you meet in life will be able to accompany you for a long time; it is more likely that you will accompany each other on a journey. It would be advisable to find new friends in your hobbies, such as a small partner to enjoy fishing together, or to join a book club to find good friends who can share their reading experiences. These are all good choices.

Ultimately, the questioner is highly commendable. Investing time in a relationship with someone who can foster mutual happiness, collaboration, and the sharing of life's experiences will undoubtedly lead to enhanced confidence and happiness.

I am a listening master, Ji Chu Chang'an.

I am pleased to report that I am developing a stronger sense of self-worth in your company.