Gift desires have become an obstacle in the heart, how to deal with financial issues in a relationship?

Hello! From what I can see, it seems like you might be feeling a bit entangled, unhappy, and sad about the "gift," and perhaps even a little aggrieved about the birthday meal.

First, you care about emotional equality and reciprocity, and you don't blindly expect your partner to give. You will take the initiative to return the favor after your partner has given. It can be seen that you have a sense of independence and an independent source of income. You are not completely dependent on your partner, and you don't necessarily believe that your partner should do everything.

Secondly, it seems that you have your own way of giving and receiving gifts. You give the other person something first, then express your emotions, and clearly state your needs. These actions seem to be effective, the other person does what you expect, and you are very happy.

It seems that you care a great deal about the gifts he gives you. Perhaps it would be helpful to take a moment to calm down and think about what the gifts mean to you. Could I ask you to consider why you still want your boyfriend to give you gifts when you already have the first two things? What do you really expect?

It seems there may be differences in your views on the concepts of initiative and passivity, money and consumption in emotional interactions between you and your boyfriend. Could you tell me more about your relationship? Are there more similarities or more differences? What made you choose him as your boyfriend in the first place? What do you like about him, and what does he like about you?

If you are convinced that he is the one for you for life, and he is just the way he is now, it might be helpful to consider the potential impact of your expectations of the "gift" on your relationship, or on you. Is this what you want, or might there be another way to satisfy yourself?

I would like to suggest that you try to find your own "gift"!

Hello,

You probably want to show that you are independent and won't burden your partner with material things by being an equal partner in paying for expenses during a relationship. At the same time, you were very proactive in practicing your beliefs in your first relationship and in your interactions with your boyfriend, but in the process, some minor conflicts occurred that made you waver.

Let's look at some ways you can improve your mood.

You really want your boyfriend to give you gifts, and you feel that this is "materialistic." So you try to show him that you want him to give you gifts by giving him gifts yourself.

The gift is more than just a material thing to you. It's a way to show your love and appreciation for your boyfriend. You want him to take the initiative to express his love and appreciation for you. But maybe he sees gifts as just a holiday expression.

It's still a bit tough for you to ask for gifts. On the one hand, it can come across as materialistic (do materialistic girls give a bad impression on guys?). On the other hand, if you ask for gifts instead of giving them, you always feel a bit resentful, and it also makes you seem like a child (that's a bit harsh).

You might want to think about your feelings in the relationship. Gifts are really important to you. Either change your attitude or find someone who's a better match for you.

After you took the initiative to demonstrate and teach him, it seems that he hasn't learned to take the initiative to choose gifts and make you happy. Also, due to pride, he's worried that your boyfriend will misunderstand you and has been keeping it to himself.

——Based on what you know about your boyfriend, do you think he's inexperienced in love or has a rough personality, or is he the type that "enjoys your devotion but is unwilling to pay back"?

– Did you not tell your boyfriend because you didn't think you could explain yourself and clear up the misunderstanding, or did you think your boyfriend would be put off by a "material girl" and you would back off?

Do you think you might be a bit materialistic? Maybe you could talk about what you think the term means and how you see yourself in relation to it. Do you think you fit the profile of a materialistic woman?

What does your boyfriend think?

Your boyfriend's reaction to the Double Combo meal at Dicos on Children's Day made you sad. It seems that he values the cost of the meal over your mood.

Maybe you've had similar experiences in other relationships, where there's a difference of opinion on what constitutes a good deal. He might be more focused on the original economic value of an item, while you're more concerned with whether you like it and whether it makes you happy.

You're concerned that he won't change for you because he wants you to change your original pattern of thinking. From what you've told me, he has changed a little, but he will occasionally revert to his old ways of thinking, which is that you're only worth as much as you're willing to pay. If you're open to it, you can patiently teach him and wait for him to learn.

Finally, there's the issue of material things and comparisons. If you attach material things to a girl, she'll be seen as a "material girl" by her female peers, and boys will also actively stay away from her to avoid getting into trouble. One thing that "material girls" can teach us is how to express what we want, but they really want too much!

If we can see that our partner is giving us more than just material things, for example, if they really want to take care of us and run errands for us, and provide psychological support when we are sad, then the role of material things may decrease somewhat.

This is your first boyfriend, so you can think of him as your love trainee. You can be more confident and open with your feelings. The more you express yourself, the more you'll understand your own needs and not rely on your partner to define you.

Best of luck!

Hello!

I have to say, after reading your story, I think you're a really cute girl. Usually, "cute" is used to describe girls, but here your boyfriend also shows a cute side. For example, when it's clear that the description of the food at Dicos doesn't match the actual meal, but he still endures it silently for the sake of his girlfriend. You two make a very compatible couple!

Everyone experiences love differently because how we feel about it is up to us. People who like the sweetness and warmth of love often show care, consideration, and understanding, while people who like the unexpected and thrilling aspects of love often show emotional intensity and strengthen their interactive relationships. So, the kind of love you want often determines the starting point of a person's actions and the emotional foothold.

The first obstacle in love is the difference in personality and thinking. Why can't my boyfriend see my needs? Here, the questioner mentions a key word: "money view in love." Preparing a small gift requires someone to put in a lot of thought and money. The questioner's boyfriend does not lack this thoughtfulness or the financial means, but the surprise has not come, so what is the problem?

In the story, the questioner is proactive and takes the lead in showing care and cooperation. However, her boyfriend, who is in his first relationship, is less experienced. He tends to be more cautious and cooperative, which, combined with his linear thinking, makes it seem like he doesn't understand his girlfriend.

Money doesn't necessarily reflect love.

Money is one of the three most important values in a person's life. It can test a person's character, but it also plays a role in love. In a relationship, expectations grow and change. If expectations aren't met, people often choose to separate. If they're in agreement, they'll stay together. This means that people in love always need to consider how to convey their true intentions and satisfy the other person. Money is often a useful tool in this process.

However, the questioner is adopting the principle of mutual non-indebtedness. This will lead her boyfriend to believe that this is her demand and that she no longer wants surprises. Obviously, this is not suitable for a relationship. If she lets her boyfriend know what she expects and if it is not an excessive request, she can make him feel needed and valued.

Let the other person take a moment to think it over.

Once you've made a request, it's important to give the other person the space and time they need. In short, it's about creating time for surprises. Maybe the boyfriend hasn't read his girlfriend's psychological needs, but that's okay. At this point, you can get straight to the point. This isn't about material expressions or a sign of a girl's lack of restraint. It's a way to point out a problem to a clumsy boyfriend. Otherwise, if the boyfriend has done his homework and prepared a gift, it'll just become like the problem described in the article. He'll either prepare a gift in return or eat an unsatisfactory dinner at Dicos, but he'll still not be able to satisfy his girlfriend's main request.

Even in a relationship, it's important to keep developing your emotional intelligence.

The boyfriend probably doesn't know about the pain in the questioner's heart, otherwise the questioner would not have come here to ask. But shouldn't the people closest to us be the ones who understand our thoughts best? The problem here is that when getting along with your partner, you also need to know the art of getting along with each other. For example, if he is angry, I will comfort him; if I am having a hard time, I will indirectly convey the need for company; if he is silent, I will give him respect and space... This is not about right or wrong, but about improving the ability to deal with problems while getting along with each other. It is a manifestation of high emotional intelligence. Therefore, to summarize the main points, when the situation is not right, but you don't want your partner to suffer, you must use your high emotional intelligence to be tolerant and forgiving, and indirectly complement your partner's shortcomings, allowing the relationship to be more flexible.

[Seeing personality differences]

We all have expectations of our partners and hope that every memory will be just as we imagined. But reality is always full of surprises. Why is that? From the question, we can see that the questioner, like many girls, is emotionally delicate. She hopes that her boyfriend can meet her expectations. But the many ways in which her boyfriend expresses himself show that he thinks in a "linear way." In life, he is a guy who thinks in terms of "cost-effectiveness" when it comes to spending money. So it is inevitable that there will be conflicts. The questioner must first understand her boyfriend to know what kind of person he is and what his needs are. Then, when she has her own thoughts, she can better guide and understand her boyfriend's behavior, and will not be caught up in her own anxiety and pain.

I wish you all the best.

It would be beneficial to embrace the questioner in a comforting manner. From your question, it seems that your current emotional state is somewhat contradictory, with two intertwined emotions surging through you. One emotional state is one of grievance and sadness, and the other is one of self-criticism and condemnation.

In love, you may feel a little disappointed and sad. You may expect the other person to take the initiative to give you gifts, so you take the initiative to give him gifts.

It seems that your expectations are not being met, which is causing you some frustration. When you mentioned that you wanted to celebrate Children's Day, he promised to spend the holiday with you and had a meal at Dicos, which didn't meet your expectations. His feedback made you feel a bit disappointed.

At the same time, you have a lot of self-criticism and condemnation. You feel that it might not be the best use of your boyfriend's money in the context of your relationship.

You are concerned that you may be perceived as materialistic, and as a result, you believe you should refrain from spending your boyfriend's money and avoid expecting gifts from him. Otherwise, you worry that you may be seen in a negative light.

It seems that these two ideas are intertwined in your mind, which may be causing some confusion about what you should do.

It's worth noting that this is a common challenge many couples face. Money and material matters often arise in romantic relationships. When partners navigate these issues effectively, it can contribute to a stronger relationship. However, if these matters are not addressed, they can lead to feelings of suspicion and anger, which can eventually lead to accusations.

Perhaps we can't go into specifics about how to proceed, but we can explore the underlying emotions together. What are you hoping to achieve?

How might we better navigate material issues together?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what might be behind these conflicting emotions.

Could you please elaborate on what your boyfriend's behavior reminded you of and why you felt aggrieved?

Could you please tell me what you thought and what you associated with it?

Could you please describe the feelings of hurt and sadness that you experienced in your body?

Could you please elaborate on what your self-criticism is based on? Additionally, could you please share your thoughts on what you perceive as materialistic behavior?

If you were to be considered materialistic, how do you think your life would change? If someone else were to say you were materialistic, how would you feel?

Could I ask why you don't want to be considered materialistic? It seems that you resent your materialistic self.

We hope that by considering these questions, you may gain insight into the thoughts and emotions that are influencing your feelings. By reflecting on these thoughts, you may also gain a deeper understanding of your inner self.

Secondly, could you please elaborate on what you expected?

In the question, you mentioned that you were anticipating a gift from your boyfriend. Despite him giving you a gift on your birthday, you still felt a sense of sadness and frustration.

It seems that the gift did not fully meet your expectations, and there may still be some other needs that require fulfillment. Could you please elaborate on what those needs are?

You may want to be seen as someone who isn't overly focused on material things, but it's clear that you do have some interest in them. From the start of the relationship, you've been trying to present yourself as someone who isn't particularly attached to material possessions, perhaps to show that you don't place a lot of importance on them.

It seems that material things are of great importance to you, to the point where you feel the need to give them your full attention. Could you please elaborate on your expectations regarding material things?

I hope that you will find the above questions helpful in allowing you to think more deeply about your expectations of your boyfriend, your relationship, and yourself.

It is my hope that you will find these questions helpful in gaining a deeper understanding of yourself and in achieving greater peace of mind.

Ultimately, it would be beneficial to learn how to navigate material issues in a relationship more effectively.

It might be helpful to take some time to discuss this with your boyfriend openly and honestly. It could be interesting to see how your views on the role of material things in a relationship differ.

It would be helpful to understand what your expectations are of his behavior, how he responds to them, and his thoughts and views on material things.

If you can be open with each other and understand each other's perspectives, and if you are willing to accommodate each other's needs and fulfill each other's wishes, then your love will grow stronger. Conversely, if there is a lack of trust and resentment, it could affect the relationship.

I believe the questioner has the potential to handle this relationship successfully.

I wish you the best of luck!

Good day, I am honored to have this opportunity to connect with you.

First, let us identify the root of the problem.

1. The questioner is a woman in a relationship.

2. You are not in alignment with the behavior pattern of the male partner in the relationship paying for everything, so you endeavor to avoid taking advantage of your partner to the greatest extent possible.

3. You have expressed a desire for a gift, but the other party has not indicated any interest. In order to facilitate a gift exchange, you have elected to provide a gift first.

4. The other party has not yet taken the initiative to provide gifts, which is creating a sense of discomfort.

5. Due to the holiday set menu, the restaurant service was below standard, and my boyfriend attributed this to your influence.

6. Despite receipt of the birthday gift, your satisfaction remains unmet.

7. You believe that disclosing your desire for a gift may be perceived as materialistic and competitive. Not disclosing your expectations is also challenging, and it creates confusion.

I would like to take this opportunity to share my views on this issue.

First, you stated that you do not agree with the gentleman paying the bill. I do not believe there is a right or wrong answer in this situation. If you are content with the arrangement, that is acceptable. However, it is evident that the decision to pay the bill did not meet your expectations. I do not believe that the choice of who pays, whether it be the gentleman or the lady, or the decision to split the bill will ultimately lead to a resolution.

In my professional opinion, if both parties in a relationship agree, then regardless of the financial arrangement, everyone can be happy. I believe this is the optimal approach for this couple. It is evident that you have not found a mutually agreeable way to interact, and you are hesitant to discuss the sensitive topic of money.

I believe the issue is your reluctance to openly discuss your views on money. What is the rationale for avoiding this topic? What are your concerns?

In the future, there will be many challenges that will require effective communication to overcome. If there are communication issues, it will undoubtedly lead to further difficulties in the future.

Secondly, with regard to the matter of gifts, I believe it can be divided into two distinct issues: the gift itself and the object. I consider a gift to be an expression of emotion, whereas the object is simply the thing itself.

If an item is devoid of emotional significance, it is merely a thing and cannot be regarded as a gift. Therefore, your assertion that you were not pleased to receive the birthday gift at a later date suggests that the issue may be the absence of affection behind it.

Thirdly, you indicated that you were reluctant to give a gift, but were concerned about being perceived as materialistic. I believe this is a matter of security.

A gift is an expression of love. If he does not initiate gifts but frequently inquires about your well-being and provides for your needs, I do not believe gifts are a significant factor. However, if there is no demonstration of affection and no gifts, I believe there may be underlying issues in the relationship.

Furthermore, you have indicated that you are concerned about being perceived as materialistic. Could you clarify whether you consider yourself to be materialistic? Has anyone ever made this assessment of you?

Is there any inherent problem with material possessions? I believe that money can solve many problems in life, and therefore I do not see any issue with placing value on money and material goods.

Please clarify the rationale behind your emphasis on material things.

Fourth, with regard to the practice of sharing meals together during the holiday season, it is important to recognize that the fundamental purpose of being together during this time is to enjoy each other's company. It is evident that this is not the case in your situation. He is expressing dissatisfaction, you are feeling disappointed, and you are hesitant to communicate. This indicates a lack of trust and intimacy between you that is below the minimum level required for a healthy relationship. It is therefore essential to identify what you truly value about him.

Thank you for your attention. We hope you find these tips useful.

Please find below a few tips for your consideration:

First, familiarise yourself with the principles of psychology. This will help you to understand yourself and others better.

Secondly, cognitive psychology posits that an individual's emotional response is not solely influenced by the event itself, but also by one's perception of the event. It is possible to analyse one's perception of the circumstances they encounter, their perception of themselves in those circumstances, and their perception of others. By undertaking such an analysis, it may be possible to identify the root cause of the problem.

Third, learn to accept and love yourself. Some people say that loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. Love is a complex emotion that is difficult to quantify, so let's start with acceptance. Can you accept your true self?

Fourth, I recommend reading more books and keeping a diary or similar record. Additionally, if you are uncertain about your identity and how others perceive you, I suggest seeking input from those around you. Their responses may differ from your expectations.

In conclusion, it is important to note that one's sense of inferiority is a personal choice. The opinions of relatives, friends, or classmates do not define one's self-worth. What matters is how you feel about yourself. I hope you find the strength to persevere.

I hope my response has been helpful. If there is anything I have not made clear, please do not hesitate to contact me. I hope everything will improve soon. Best regards!

I hope my response has been helpful. If there is any further information I can provide, please do not hesitate to contact me. I hope we can resolve the issue soon.

The questioner is cute and frank.

Let's sort out your story together.

1. They are both first loves.

2. You believe in and practice financial independence, and you don't take advantage of your boyfriend.

3. You are a romantic girl who will prepare gifts for boys with all her heart.

4. You expect him to take the initiative and give you small gifts to express his love.

5. Your boyfriend doesn't pick up on your thoughts.

6. He rarely gives you gifts on his own initiative.

7. You want a gift, but you don't want to have to ask for it.

8. You believe that asking for a gift is materialistic and wrong.

I can feel how you feel about this love.

* Treasure it and take good care of the relationship.

Take the initiative to show your care and love, and express your concern for him.

You want to be cared for and loved.

This is why you're in such a dilemma.

I'll tell you what.

1. Your boyfriend may be a bit of a roughneck. He may just not be the type to take the initiative to create romance and surprises.

2. He probably thinks that living a simple life together is love.

3. Be bold and tell him you hope he'll give you gifts at certain times to show his love.

Show your love in many ways, not just by giving gifts.

Tell the other person, in person.

Remember the other person's preferences in trivial matters.

Be there for the other person when they are down. Show them you care about their emotions.

Share the little joys of life together.

Tell each other the details of your lives.

Introduce the other person to your friends. This will expand your circle of friends.

Overlap.

5. If you're unsure whether he'll give you a gift, it's likely because you don't feel loved.

Has he given you a sense of certainty in other ways?

6. Asking for a gift is not about material things.

Gifts are the only material manifestations.

Let me be clear:

I only like someone if they buy me presents.

I'm with him for the money, regardless of the other aspects of that person.

This is materialism, plain and simple.

The main point is this:

Think about your loved ones. They spend money on each other, take care of each other in their daily lives, and love each other.

Love and spending money are not a pair of partners who can only choose one or the other.

In long-term relationships, they usually appear together.

We love each other, emotionally.

We are willing to spend money on each other, materialistically.

In life, we take care of each other.

This is love.

I am confident that my answer has been of some help to you.

Good morning. Thank you for sharing your story. I can see that you are thoughtful and considerate in your relationships with the opposite sex. While pursuing love, you also prioritize equality and freedom for both parties, taking into account the feelings of the other person and avoiding financial entanglements.

However, such consideration also presents challenges. A girl's reserve and some minor considerations are still expected to be interpreted and acted upon promptly. This can create a sense of disparity and a degree of disappointment.

A warm embrace is an excellent way to begin.

It is important to recognise the differences between men and women.

The book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus provides a comprehensive explanation of the differences between men and women in terms of their thought processes. There are notable differences in the way they approach tasks. For instance, women tend to focus on emotions, whereas men are more inclined to concentrate on the specifics of a situation. Women also tend to be more detail-oriented, while men are more inclined to consider the broader context.

This should help you understand why your ideas are not fully understood by the other person. The reason why your understanding of the same event will also be different stems from this.

Men desire appreciation, admiration, and love from women, while women seek security, value, and care from men.

It is not the gift itself that is important, but rather the gesture behind it. The gift can be a small token of appreciation, demonstrating the other person's attitude, importance, and care. This gesture can foster a sense of security and comfort in the relationship.

It is important to maintain open communication and a clear understanding of the relationship dynamic.

Given the significant differences between men and women, it is crucial to prioritize communication and exchange in order to foster a productive and understanding relationship.

Women in love, on the other hand, are particularly fond of or used to playing mind games, leaving their partners to figure them out. As the song "Girls' Minds, Boys Don't You Try to Guess" has long since informed us, guessing is not a reliable method for understanding.

It is important to be able to express yourself directly and tell the other person how you feel and what you think. This will help to resolve any emotional issues.

A good man is nurtured by a good woman, and a good woman is nurtured by a good man. This is the process of becoming accustomed to each other's needs and expectations. It encompasses becoming familiar with each other's interests and hobbies, adjusting to each other's living habits, and learning to navigate each other's families after marriage.

It is important to understand that every emotion is driven by an underlying need that has not been met. In this case, the source of your unhappiness can be traced back to your desire for a gift. It is essential to identify the unmet need behind your unhappiness and address it effectively.

It is important to meet the other person's capabilities in order to fulfill your own needs. In many cases, individuals who are connected break up because they fail to communicate effectively. This can result in misunderstandings and, in some instances, even violence.

It is important to value the relationships you are meant to have and to maintain open communication with those you care about.

I hope the above is useful to you.