Have liked a female colleague in the same department for over a year, is it that I can't chase girls?

I hope that my response will prove to be of some assistance to you.

From your description, it appears that you desire a certain level of security from this girl before you can consider settling down with her. However, if we examine her perspective, she may also be hoping that you can provide her with sufficient security before she is ready to develop the relationship further. Furthermore, if we consider your relationship from a third-party perspective, it is possible that she may feel that you do not offer her sufficient security.

Although there is a mutual affinity between you and her, the love and affection that a girl needs must be reflected in the details of the relationship. She needs to be able to perceive your preference and special affection for her, which will reinforce her sense of worthiness in the relationship.

While individual preferences vary, research indicates that the majority of women place a high value on their partner's ability to provide a sense of security and belonging.

From an evolutionary psychology perspective, from ancient times to the modern world, women have contributed significantly to their families after forming a family, in comparison to men. Women can only release approximately 300-500 eggs over the course of their lifetime, while men can release approximately 1 trillion sperm. Consequently, from a reproductive standpoint, men have a lower cost of choosing a mate and more opportunities to reproduce. Women, however, cannot be as carefree in this regard and must invest more in this respect. Therefore, they are naturally more cautious when choosing a mate.

From the perspective of the social environment, a woman must dedicate a significant amount of energy to childrearing from the time she becomes pregnant. In the absence of a robust support system, she may experience feelings of helplessness and even succumb to the economic pressures on the family, the developmental needs of the child, and her own developmental needs. Consequently, this can also be a crucial factor influencing their choice of a spouse. They require a partner who can offer assistance, providing a sense of security and belonging.

Some may posit that women are drawn to affluence in their partners, perceiving it as a marker of reliability. However, empirical evidence suggests that financial wealth is not a primary concern for most women, with psychological support being a more significant factor.

In modern society, many women are financially independent. They do not require a male partner to provide them with financial stability. What they seek is emotional support, including care, comfort, and encouragement when they are experiencing difficulties. This kind of psychological support can provide them with a greater sense of security and stability than financial security.

One might posit that the following aspects could be employed to imbue the relationship with a greater sense of security and belonging:

1. Demonstrate responsibility.

A responsible individual will foster a sense of security and commitment in a romantic partner. This is because the three essential elements of an intimate relationship are intimacy, passion, and commitment.

If the passion and intimacy observed in the initial stages of a relationship are not accompanied by a commitment to its continuation, the likelihood of its longevity is significantly reduced.

A man who is responsible, willing to assume his obligations within the relationship, and not evasive or reluctant to fulfill his duties can leverage the power of commitment in an intimate partnership to foster resilience and stability in the relationship.

2. He is capable of attending to her emotional and practical needs.

If there is an individual who is capable of comprehending one's emotions and addressing one's needs, even if the relationship presents certain challenges, it is less likely that one will experience feelings of resentment or that the relationship will be perceived as devoid of value. It is essential to ascertain the feelings and needs of the individual in question. In the event that they are reluctant to express these aspects of themselves, it is crucial to develop effective communication skills, to observe and to empathize. It is evident that the individual in question cares about the relationship and is able to discern the nuances of the other person's emotions. As an illustration, my husband was initially impressed by the difference in my voice after I had cried.

It is also essential to learn to express oneself in intimate relationships and to articulate one's feelings and needs. If one does not express oneself, it is challenging for the other person to comprehend one's thoughts and they will inevitably address conflicts and problems through their own lens. This approach does not align with one's needs and may foster a sense of being misunderstood, leading to feelings of insecurity within the relationship.

Therefore, it is imperative that problems in a relationship are not allowed to accumulate. It is essential to learn to express one's emotions and needs using non-violent communication, such as describing the situation, expressing one's feelings, and providing an explanation for one's actions, including demonstrating care and concern for the other person or indicating a need for understanding. Finally, it is crucial to clearly articulate one's needs.

The aforementioned considerations collectively contribute to the formulation of a set of principles that should be adhered to in order to ensure the optimal functioning of the relationship.

3. Adhere to principles

An individual who adheres to principles is perceived as reliable. In the absence of a clearly defined set of principles or a fundamental standard of conduct in a relationship, it is challenging for the other party to feel secure.

Mr. Chen Guo once posed the question to a male acquaintance, "How is it possible for you to remain stoic and unexcited?"

From a physiological perspective, it is nearly impossible to remain unaffected by temptation. Therefore, it is somewhat disingenuous to claim that one can resist such urges.

Her friend responded, "I do not even allow individuals the opportunity to 'sit in my bosom without moving'."

This is a man of principle. When he is tempted, he is able to exercise control over his desires and prevent them from manifesting. In contrast, a man who lacks principles is susceptible to temptation and attraction to novel experiences, which can potentially result in emotional distress.

It is recommended that the following texts be read: "Managing Intimacy," "Intimacy – A Bridge to the Soul," "Nonviolent Communication," and "It Turns Out That Understanding Is More Important Than Love."

The aforementioned information is provided for your reference. Sincerely,

Hello, question asker!

It's clear you really like your female colleague! You're taking the initiative to get close to her, you get jealous, and you're overjoyed when she shows interest in you. But now you're not sure what to do next.

You're not courting a female colleague, but you are courting a wonderful opportunity!

You've taken the first step by showing your interest!

Absolutely! She definitely knows that you like her.

Even if a girl can guess from your behavior, without a real confession, how can she be sure that you definitely like her? Well, the good news is that you can help her find out!

If you really like each other and the other person also has a good feeling about you, then you can confess your love and really establish a romantic relationship!

Go for it! Take the initiative to set up a date instead of just chatting about work and WeChat.

If the other person accepts your invitation, you can get to know each other better! You can even let her feel your intentions for her in the details of your time together.

For example, if a guy you like quite a lot only has one umbrella when it rains and basically shields himself while the girl gets half wet, this kind of behavior can only show that the guy cares more about himself. But there's no reason why you can't change that!

You once said that the other person may actually be talking to another guy, and she doesn't reply much except for work.

You're not her boyfriend, so you have no right to question her relationship with other men, do you?

From a girl's point of view, a male colleague, I don't know if he really likes me or just wants to take advantage of me. He often chats with me about work and tells me he likes me. But I don't see any practical actions. Oh, I'm sure there's something there!

And it's so much more than just saying it!

You're not on a date, so don't tell the other person you miss them. It doesn't show your sincerity. It makes people worry that you're a greasy man in the dating world. They might think you're doing this with more than just her.

There are so many great techniques for wooing a girl! But the most important thing is sincerity and standing in the other person's shoes to understand their needs.

Just because you think it's good, doesn't mean the other person feels the same way—but it's still a great thing to think!

If you think you're clearly fond of someone, it could be that they're not sure at all!

If the confession really fails, at least you know the other person's intentions! After all, relationships are a matter of two people, and you can learn so much from that!

Best of luck!