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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Dear friend, I can sense your confusion and stress in this moment. It is understandable to feel uncertain and overwhelmed when facing significant life decisions such as marriage and relationships. Many individuals experience a sense of loss and anxiety in similar situations.
First, you mentioned the concept of "love incompetence," which usually refers to a person's inability to form deep emotional intimacy. This may be related to your upbringing, family relationships, and personal experiences.
For instance, if you did not learn how to express and receive love during your upbringing, or if you have experienced emotional trauma, this may affect your ability to form intimate relationships. However, this does not mean that you are incapable of love; it simply means that you have not yet found a way to be together that makes you feel comfortable and at ease.
From what you've shared, it seems that you have some reservations about romantic relationships. You mention feeling reluctant to take the initiative in a relationship, not enjoying it when your partner reaches out, and feeling more at ease with your family than in a romantic partnership. These feelings could be a reflection of your apprehension about and avoidance of close, intimate relationships.
In psychology, this may be related to attachment theory, which suggests that the attachment styles formed by individuals in their early interactions with primary caregivers may potentially influence their adult relationships.
As for your relationship problems, it might be helpful to consider that communication is often the key to solving problems. We can try to communicate honestly with our partners, express our feelings and concerns, and see if it is possible to find a solution to the problem together.
It's possible that the "bother" and "lack of enthusiasm" you mentioned could be symptoms of stress and anxiety, or they might be symptoms of depression. Even if you check online for the symptoms of depression and find that many of them apply to you, it's still not a guarantee that you have depression.
It's important to remember that normal people often experience depression, but this is just an emotion that will disappear after it is vented and will not become a mental illness. If the information you find online makes you feel constantly afraid, it might be helpful to speak with a professional.
It might be helpful to take some time to explore and understand your feelings before making any decisions. Your feelings are valid, and you have the right to pursue a happy and fulfilling life.
Helpful to me 573
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Comments
I understand your concerns. It's important to listen to what feels right for you and not just act based on external pressures. Maybe it's time to reflect on what you truly want from a relationship.
It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of internal conflict. Have you considered talking openly with your partner about how you feel? Communication might help both of you understand each other better.
Engaging in a relationship should bring joy, not stress. If you find yourself feeling obligated rather than happy, it might be worth exploring why that is. Sometimes we need to address our own feelings before entering into something serious.
The pressure from family can be intense, but ultimately, your happiness should come first. Perhaps discussing your feelings with a trusted friend or counselor could provide some clarity and support.
Feeling like you're just going through the motions in a relationship can be very disheartening. It might help to think about what you're looking for in a partner and see if this person aligns with those qualities. Sometimes we have to make tough decisions for our own wellbeing.