He's been subjecting me to cold shoulder for longer and longer periods. Is this a sign that we're breaking up?

I can see you're feeling a bit confused and angry at your boyfriend at the moment.

You ask, "Have we broken up?" I'm wondering if you're asking, "Have we already broken up?"

Or maybe you're asking yourself, "If we keep going like this, is he going to (or has he already) break up with me?" Or perhaps you're wondering, "If we keep going like this, should I break up with him?"

...

From your final question, "What should I do?," it seems like you're asking yourself the third question, "Should I break up with him?" Is that right?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I really want to help you figure out the best way forward. To do that, we first need to take a closer look at the situation and your thoughts, feelings, and desires.

Let's start by taking a look at your situation together.

How do you and your boyfriend get along? From what you've told me, it seems like your boyfriend might be avoiding your emotional problems. He's used to reducing activity and regulating himself, which could mean that he's avoidant.

And when you "move to break up and tell him to go away," do you often have a lot of emotional reactions? Do you often feel that only other people can help you regulate your emotions?

If that's the case, it's possible you have an anxious attachment style.

We'd love to hear your thoughts, feelings, and desires in various situations!

It's so sad when a boyfriend ignores you, especially when you thought you were going to be together forever. It's like when a child is crying and the parents say, "Cry all you want, and when you're tired, you'll become sensible and obedient."

(This is not the best way to raise a child, and it will only cause more harm.) – Take a moment to think back. Do you have parents like this?

When you hear this sentence, "He says he's deliberately ignoring me, thinking about spending the rest of his life with me, wanting me to mature mentally," what are your initial thoughts?

I know it can be hard to feel happy when you hear that you have to spend the rest of your life together. It can be even harder when you see that they are deliberately ignoring you. I'm here to listen and support you through this.

Or are you feeling even more sad?

2. You said, "Because usually he is used to being cold and violent to me." I'm so sorry to hear that. Are you really used to it? How can we get used to being treated coldly and violently?

Or maybe you feel like you don't have any power over this situation and you feel cold towards him because you're not sure what to do?

3. You said, "I thought I was thinking about him all the time, but now I start to feel sad every day, I can't let go, I stay up late every night, and I feel so lonely." —When facing a possible breakup, it's totally normal to feel like you don't want to let go, feel lonely, and feel sad, heartbroken, and even scared and fearful.

I know you still want to be with him deep down, sweetheart.

I'm sure you don't want to be treated in such a cold and violent way, sweetheart.

I know what you really want is to be with someone who is truly warm and loving.

I've got a few suggestions for you:

If you still want to be with him, I really think you should both go for couple counseling and talk to a marriage counselor. I'd highly recommend EFT marriage therapy because it focuses on emotions and is based on attachment theory. It's also currently the most effective marriage therapy method.

If he doesn't want to, and you break up, it's totally okay! It'll be easier to find a boyfriend with a secure attachment. But this requires opportunity and fate, and anxious and avoidant attachments often attract each other.

Another great way to do this is to focus on yourself and your own growth. You can do this by studying psychology and receiving psychological counseling. This will help you change your attachment pattern and become a more secure person. When you are a secure person, you will naturally attract a partner who is also secure.

Take your time, have hope, take action, and your life will change for the better, I promise!