How can a 22-year-old girl protect herself when she encounters a former romantic partner who is obsessive and intrusive?

Hello, question asker!

Thank you so much for your invitation!

I have carefully read your question description, your feedback, and the replies of the various respondents. When I saw the struggle you went through in the last post and that you have completely broken off contact, I was really happy for you inside, and I want to give you a big thumbs up!

From these few simple words of yours, I can also see the relief you feel after breaking up cleanly. I applaud and congratulate you! However, while I'm excited for you, I am also a little worried. Why? Because I would like to ask you to recall whether you have also broken up cleanly on previous occasions, as I suggested in the previous few situations.

Then what? Did you approach him on your own initiative, or did you give in to his pleas and get back together?

If I were to say, "What if?" What if there was such a situation? What would you do now? You should do something about it! And you must never let it happen again.

I think you're onto something! When you were 18, you were probably in the midst of your youthful innocence, and maybe something happened around you?

Or maybe it's just a coincidence that such an outstanding person like you has been involved in this four-year feud with such an ordinary person thousands of miles away. After all, he is four years older than you, so you should definitely have more fantasy than him!

I think you and he should have just met the wrong person at the wrong time! Why do you think so?

What do you think? You are thousands of miles apart, and even if he is very good in every way, can you make up your mind to go with him thousands of miles away? It would be an amazing adventure!

I think this really requires a lot of courage. This is not something you can just casually chat about online. For someone in their 20s like you, this is a young age, and you can also be described as immature! But you're young and you have so much potential!

And let's not forget that he still has so much to learn from you! You have so many amazing things to share with the world. Even though you say that after four years, he has given you emotional value and you have accepted that he is not very good-looking, that doesn't mean you would willingly live with him in reality.

I think that after a period of silence, when you look back on these past four years, you may feel that you have been ridiculous. But you know what? That's okay! You were young and in love, and you had to learn the hard way. Why did you rely on someone thousands of miles away?

Why not do all this for him in the future? But then again, who hasn't been confused in their youth?

Youth is for soaring high and embracing mistakes. Don't take it too seriously! If you can, just let it go.

We can get through this painful past, and it is only in the midst of this pain that we can discover the roots of growth. It is not that you have such a good awareness now, and you have made up your mind to live in reality, and what is more, you have found someone to share your feelings with. Wow, I think this is really awesome, and I feel that a turning point in your life is quietly beginning!

Enjoy your life now! I truly hope you'll completely break up with her this time and never have anything to do with her again.

We pray, but we must be mentally prepared. In other words, we must prevent problems before they arise. I believe that your emotions may be changing from one moment to the next, and that's a good thing! You may be happy for a while, but then you may fall back into your old ways, which will upset your peace of mind. So you must be mentally prepared for ups and downs, and you can do it!

I want to give you some advice: no matter how many times you go back, it's best to keep it all to yourself. Don't fight with yourself. And never, ever go back to him. Your relationship may not be smooth sailing, but don't worry. What I mean is that if you ever feel down, don't look for him for support. Really, it's like taking poison. Not only will it not save your life, it will harm you.

I'm not sure if I'm doing this right, but I'm going to give it my best shot! I'm sweating bullets, but I'm ready to take the leap. If it's not too much trouble, could you please suspend your mobile phone number? It doesn't matter if it's a temporary breakup or not, as long as you're 100% committed to making a change.

If he speaks later or if there's any threat in other aspects, I also hope that you can seek support from your parents' friends, etc., and don't carry it alone. We are in our own home, and he is so far away. We should have confidence in our hearts. We don't have to be afraid of him. No matter what methods he uses, we will block his attacks. The lecture hall is our stronghold in the future. What are we afraid of? Absolutely nothing!

As for you and the person you met on a blind date, it may not have been long, just a month, so you can see how you get along based on the actual situation, which is great!

If you feel that you can keep this past experience to yourself, then I fully support you! If you want to seek support from the other person, of course you can find a way to tactfully bring it up and seek their understanding and support.

If you think it would help, I'd definitely suggest finding a reliable psychological counselor. I see that you've also been suggesting that your ex-boyfriend study psychology and grow up. I think you may have some understanding of psychology already! Seeking help from a counselor could really help you get through this.

And finally, I wish you, at 22, to enjoy the absolute best of your little world of love!

The world and I love you!

Hello, questioner!

The person you were in an online relationship with has an extreme personality and harasses you a lot. I feel that you have a lot of fears and have endured too much pressure.

You've already thought about what happened. We don't need to dwell on it or judge right and wrong. You know him as a person and have decided to end the relationship and start your life again.

You're not yet very firm in your determination. You're afraid he'll do something bad to you and your family because of what he said. You also may not know how to say no because of your personality.

He refused to show his face on video, which shows he's not being sincere. He may want to manipulate you, and your lack of firmness makes it easy for him.

The things he said that you quoted are uncomfortable, but he isn't threatening you. He's expressing his feelings, which are a mix of Pua. He's testing you because he sees that you're not yet determined. He's testing you again after saying he'd never look for you. He's looking for you because you responded, making him think there's a chance you'll get back together.

He knows not to show his face, so he has a strong sense of self-protection. He knows what the consequences of his actions will be, so you don't have to worry.

I have some suggestions for you.

Be confident.

You've been dating online for years without meeting. This shows he's not motivated. He's just manipulating you online. Once you ignore him and delete his info, I don't think he'll be able to do anything.

He can't do anything about your job.

Be firm. Don't contact him again. Delete his contact info.

Seek support.

These people have extreme personalities, and you can't rule out the possibility that they won't understand or support you. Find resources that can support you. Tell your parents about this person and discuss how to deal with it.

Talk to a colleague you trust and walk to work with them. Tell your blind date about your online relationship.

If you don't think they'll understand or support you, you can also see a counselor.

I'm Haru Aoki. I love you.

From my perspective, I can tell you are experiencing a high level of distress due to the unfortunate situation you have encountered.

You made a prudent decision to terminate the relationship. It was also a prudent move to seek assistance from the platform and enlist the aid of others.

From my perspective, it is evident that you are the one being controlled in this relationship.

It is evident that your former partner employed tactics such as intimidation, entanglement, and sensationalism to exert control over you.

Furthermore, you have tacitly accepted this level of control within the relationship.

Please advise.

The controlling nature of this relationship is causing you significant discomfort, and you are motivated to end it. There are numerous avenues for removing your ex from your life. If you are committed to ending this relationship, I believe you can do so successfully.

Given the lack of intersection between your realities and the absence of complex interpersonal dynamics, the process of extricating yourself from this situation should be relatively straightforward.

It is evident that your emotions are unresolved, and your demeanor is characterized by fear and anxiety. The root cause of this anxiety is a perceived lack of self-strength.

It is important to recognize the objective and true self.

Do you have a clear understanding of your actual requirements?

It would be beneficial to ascertain the type of relationship you desire.

Select your desired outcome, and the other elements will fall into place over time.

It would be beneficial to ascertain what you are afraid of.

It is worth questioning whether these fears are entirely justified.

There is a possibility that the event in question may occur, but there is also a possibility that it will not.

If the likelihood of an event occurring is low, is there a rationale for the associated fear and anxiety? What are the benefits of this psychological burden?

If the likelihood of an adverse event is high and the fear is significant, will it cease to occur if we do not dwell on it? If not, then we must confront it courageously and identify an effective method to mitigate the impact.

Please indicate whether you concur with my statements.

This is my personal opinion, and I hope it proves useful to you.

Good day, To whom it may concern,

From your description, it appears that you are constrained by your partner in this relationship and that you desire to terminate the relationship. However, your partner has repeatedly breached your defenses. It seems that you have also derived some of your emotional needs from him. You both have certain psychological needs that you have provided to each other, which is why you have been compatible for so long.

In your description, you indicated that he exhibits paranoid tendencies. Based on the available information, it can be inferred that he has a strong desire for control over you and that you trust him to a considerable extent. In this online relationship, you have also made significant investments of time and emotional energy. For instance, in the video, you are sincere with each other, yet the other person is reluctant to reciprocate. He is cautious, but he may also be on guard against you, which has led to your concern that the other person will reveal your privacy. If he is a paranoid individual, he may also pose a threat to you and your blind date. Therefore, it is advisable to communicate your anxieties and fears to your blind date. If this blind date is able to accept your current state and has feelings for you, he will also accept your thoughts. However, if he does not accept your past, it may be indicative of a perfectionist tendency that would also prevent him from accepting you.

In the event that your former partner persists in contacting you and causing you distress, it may be advisable to sever all contact and focus your attention on your current romantic interest. It is recommended that you delete all communication channels and refrain from any further interaction. This approach may prove beneficial in the long term, as it will prevent the individual in question from continuing to affect your emotional state and mental wellbeing.

Should one wish to remain in contact with this individual, it would be advisable to explain the situation to the other person, that is, the person one met online. This would then allow one to end the relationship. However, it would be prudent to choose the person one met online. In the context of online dating, psychological needs may become the primary focus of one's life. The love one believes one has may be overshadowed by the demands of daily life. Furthermore, the other person may also have psychological issues that prevent them from developing a healthy personality. It would therefore be beneficial to end the relationship. Should this person have engaged in behaviour that causes distress, such as harassment or revenge, it would be advisable to report it to the police.

It may be challenging to move on from this history and this person, but it is essential to be decisive and ruthless in order to avoid being influenced by these individuals and situations, to gain clarity in one's own thoughts, and to make well-considered decisions. It is possible that the original poster may not yet have developed an independent personality and may be overly reliant on the other person in terms of mental dependence. To foster an independent personality, individuals can engage in activities such as reading, exercising, studying, and consulting with a psychological counselor. This process of growth and self-reliance is a crucial aspect of personal development, and it is important to have confidence in one's own decisions and to persevere through challenges.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to you.

The questioner has been struggling in a relationship that has lasted for four years but has never ended. From the message, it's clear that the questioner's struggle is no longer about being reluctant to part with this relationship. It's about the fear that although the other person is kind, their extreme personality will bring them harm.

It's impossible to feel happy when you're in fear, and it will also affect the ongoing process of matchmaking. The questioner has chosen to completely sever ties with the online dating partner, despite what has been seen in the comment section. In the face of possible repetitions and concerns about the future, I'm going to share some ideas and coping possibilities with you.

You can protect yourself in three ways: emotionally, morally, and legally. These three aspects are interconnected, forming a comprehensive protection chain to help you smoothly get through the current breakup period.

1. Emotions

After four years together, the other person's carefulness in front of the questioner is disheartening. It shatters the ideal image of equality the questioner originally thought he had: "He will take care of people, has high emotional intelligence, and we warm each other." But it can also intensify factors influencing the questioner to leave the relationship. It also shows the other person still cares about the relationship.

He threatened to retain you by injuring himself. He said he would hang himself in front of your workplace if you deleted him. This shows that he is radical but also that he is not going to threaten you.

Therefore, communicate and exchange on an emotional level. Let the other person know you respect their efforts while also making it clear that your relationship may have come to an end.

2. Morality

Morality can also provide a degree of security after your breakup, in addition to your past relationship.

The questioner has been honest throughout this four-year relationship. There is no question that you have been getting along and that you plan to get to know each other better.

Everything is based on informed consent. The questioner has no flaws, at least on the moral level.

Similarly, morality binds a person in all aspects. You have a blind date and the relationship is getting deeper. Let the other person know that if you continue to entangle with each other, it is disrespectful to both of you.

Morality is the best gift for a relationship that has ended. It allows you to restrain each other and give both parties fond memories.

The other party may be extreme, but four years of separation and reunion show they have good intentions towards the questioner. Morality is the best way to end a relationship.

This will also help to reduce your fear and anxiety.

3. The law

The law is the last but also the most powerful safeguard. Expressing your love and affection is always acceptable, provided that both parties are willing.

If you're already thinking of breaking up and the other person is still pestering you, they're being harassing and rude.

Extreme behavior is a character flaw, but it is not an excuse for acting outside the law. Some people cause trouble for both sides under the banner of "love" because they don't understand the law.

You need to speak to the other person in a firm but gentle way. This will make them aware of the situation and help them to understand that they need to stop being confused.

I am confident that the above sharing will inspire you.

I am a psychologist who does not explore human nature. My focus is on the human heart. I wish you well.

Thank you for your inquiry. I am pleased to offer my assistance and hope that my input will prove beneficial.

From your description, it can be seen that in your relationship with your self-perceived extreme boyfriend, you have a relatively clear awareness of your emotional behavior, that is, you have a strong emotional dependence on him. However, on a rational, realistic level, you are aware that the differences in your objective conditions are significant and that a future together is unlikely. This is the key to the distress and pain you feel. You do not want to suffer, but you lack the courage to decisively reject your boyfriend's entanglement.

From the outset of your relationship with your boyfriend, you were perceived as unfaithful and subsequently dismissed due to your delayed responses to his communications. This led to a strong sense of injustice, frustration, and a lack of trust. Rather than addressing your emotional discomfort, you initially attributed the situation to your own actions, leading to feelings of guilt and self-blame. In an effort to rectify the situation, you sought to provide emotional and emotional support to him.

The reason why you tend to disregard the fact that you are clearly being hurt and conceal your genuine emotions and feelings to pacify the perpetrator can be attributed to the trauma you experienced during your formative years. It is possible that during your growth, significant others exhibited emotional neglect for various reasons, were insensitive, and were indifferent in their words and actions. They also rejected, criticized, and disliked you excessively, and often justified their actions by claiming that they were doing it for your own good. Despite lacking a sense of love, you instinctively loved and were loyal to your parents as a child, and believed this was love. Concurrently, you would strive to suppress and hide your emotional and painful feelings in front of your parents and cater to their expectations to gain their affirmation, acceptance, and love.

Once the root cause of your emotional and emotional over-dependence on your biased boyfriend, who has caused you significant distress, is understood, it will be possible to identify ways and methods to facilitate healing and more effective responses to this aspect of your inner trauma. Rather than relying on others to provide this support, it is likely that you will be better placed to do so yourself.

It is important to note that the external other can only respond to you if they possess this aspect of themselves, and are willing to do so. Furthermore, they must be aware of the extent of your need for emotional and emotional support. Based on these three factors, it is clear that the likelihood of the external other being able to respond to your emotional and emotional support is very low.

It is important to understand that, in any relationship, whether parent-child or intimate, pain is not caused by love. It is essential to be aware of the emotional and emotional support you require from your partner and to identify which of your inner needs are being met and responded to. You should then endeavour to treat yourself in the same way as you would like to be treated by your partner.

In other words, strive to be the kind of good parent you aspire to be. Prioritize meeting your emotional and emotional needs, which may have been unmet during your upbringing.

When you cease to select a partner based on an internal sense of obligation and the desire for validation, you will be better positioned to evaluate that individual objectively and rationally. This will enable you to make decisions that align with your true preferences. What are your thoughts on this matter?

I would like to extend my warmest regards to you and the world at large.

First of all, give the original poster a big hug! ?

From what she said, I can see that she was really sincere and devoted to her ex when they were together online. I can also see how scared she was of what he might do after they broke up. I'm a girl too, and I can totally empathise with how she feels. ?

Just my two cents!

Firstly, it's so important for a girl to have a strong, confident stance.

It's so important not to be swayed by him. I know some guys often threaten their girlfriends after a breakup by committing suicide. It's so sad when girls are weak-hearted and continue to stay by his side, because it makes everyone suffer.

I really think it would have been better to have rejected him firmly from the start, or even ignored him. I think that would have helped him to come to his senses after a while.

Secondly, if after the breakup, he starts to pester you in an aggressive way,

Even if you're still together, you'll probably end up feeling unhappy. And in the future, he might even threaten you in this way to make you do things you don't want to do. It's really up to you to decide what's best for you.

Third, if your ex-partner threatens you like this after the breakup, it might be a sign that there's something not quite right with his character. If he truly loves you, he'll let you go and find your own happiness, rather than forcing you to stay with him.

I think this is just his selfish way of thinking.

We've all been there. We know how hard it can be to protect yourself from your ex. But don't worry, we're here to help!

1. If your ex-boyfriend's behavior is really affecting your life, it's so important to let your family and friends know. They'll be able to help you find a solution together, and your ex might even back down under the pressure of your family.

Also, if it involves the safety of the landlord, it's a good idea to choose legal weapons to protect yourself!

2. It's best to avoid going back to try to convince him, and it's probably not a good idea to argue with him either. If you do, he might just pester you, and we don't want that!

Let him think that you're helpless against him, or that you still like him. If you argue with him, it might make him think about breaking up with you.

So, my advice to you is to just ignore it, don't communicate with him too much, and then find a way out as soon as possible.

I really hope my advice will help the person who asked the question. I wish them all the best for the future!

(2) I told him we might go on a blind date in the future, and he said he understood. He said he was worldly and would also find someone rich. (I rejected any confessions or ambiguous situations from other people for his sake.)

In the past four years, I've only had transactions with him of more than 10 yuan except for the 1,500 yuan I lent him. We never bought each other gifts on holidays. I thought we were companions, holding each other for warmth. I never imagined he was trying to please me. I even got the feeling he was a little pua.

A month ago, my mother introduced me to a potential match. I had to choose between my spiritual and material needs. After a struggle, I chose reality and cut ties with him. I was sad after making that decision.

I thought we were just trying to keep each other warm.

I only realized how horrible he was when I said goodbye. I had a feeling I didn't like him.

He's extreme and likes to bear grudges. I've recommended things that've helped me, but he says they're useless. When I neglect him to review, he calls me a "dog-licker."

He said he'd hang himself in front of my workplace if I deleted him. I regret telling him about my job. He doesn't have a job.

When we said goodbye, he would add a text saying "just want to say one last thing" (the first time I answered the video call to end things, but I didn't answer it later). He would say "why do you want to hang up after just a few words? You weren't like this before." And he would say "you're so cruel," "if it was anyone else I would have yelled at you," "I wanted to buy you a present," "why didn't you tell me earlier," "why can't we just go on a blind date," "we don't even have a single photo," "I'm so careful with you," "I'll be happy when you're happy."

It made me collapse.

After the video, he sent me another message saying he wanted to say goodbye properly and that he'd feel better. He also said he wouldn't bother me again. At midnight the next day, he sent me a message saying he wished me happiness forever.

I know it's wrong to keep bugging the person I'm dating, so I didn't reply.

He's caring and emotional, and we warm each other. I never imagined he was trying to please me. It made me collapse for many days.

I've forgotten about him and developed feelings for the person I met online. He sent me a message yesterday asking how I've been.

I'm afraid he'll ruin my life. I'm afraid he'll keep looking for me and send threats.

I've been afraid of him for four years but tested him many times. I'm still uneasy.

During our online relationship, we video-chatted, and he didn't show his face, while I showed a bit of mine. I'm afraid of that.

My blind date says I look like I'm holding something back, but I can't tell him what's wrong.

How can I protect myself? I'm scared and it's affecting my life.

Good day, young lady! I am Destruction and Regeneration, the Yi Psychology answerer. I am honored to be able to connect with you on the Yi Psychology platform, and I hope that my answer can bring you some warmth.

First of all, you have taken the courageous step of exposing your online relationship problems on this platform and seeking help from the teachers, which is an important first step towards solving the problem. This takes a great deal of courage, so please give yourself a round of applause for your courage.

Secondly, it seems that, despite being in an online relationship, you have also invested a great deal of effort. Otherwise, it is unlikely that you would have been "together and apart" for four years and shown him your face and body. You also appear to be a very caring person, as evidenced by your "savior mentality" and your willingness to "recommend him many things that have helped me grow psychologically."

Your mentality is commendable and deserves recognition. However, from your description of him, this person seems to exhibit some concerning behaviors. From my personal experience, this may be related to a lack of love and emotional support during his formative years, which could have contributed to his current situation. It's possible that he may require more specialized care to address these issues.

For someone like this, his "emotional void" is a challenging aspect of his personality. It's important to recognize that even a regular psychological counselor may not be able to fully address his needs, and that the process might require a different approach. This experience can also teach us a valuable lesson: it's important to have compassion, but it's also essential to choose the right person to offer support, as doing so can help ensure a positive outcome for both yourself and the other person.

As the saying goes, "Buddha saves those who are destined to be saved." Perhaps it would be helpful to take a good look at it.

Furthermore, in response to your question, you may wish to consider deleting him with confidence. Should he threaten you again, he would be breaking the law. You may find it helpful to take screenshots or recordings and then call the police for help.

It is true that he has emotional needs, but it is not our responsibility to satisfy those needs, especially not by breaking the law. We have already done our part, and it is unlikely that he will change. Therefore, it is up to the state to educate him.

It is also worth noting that when he enters a detention center, there will usually be professional criminal psychologists there to counsel him.

Furthermore, you might consider sharing your situation with your current partner. This could be a challenging test for him. If he truly cares about and loves you, he will not look down on you because of this. Instead, he will likely provide comfort and actively seek ways to give you the sense of security you desire.

If he gets angry and throws a fit over such things, it might be a sign that he values himself more than you. In that case, it might be best to move on from the relationship. Of course, if this is the case, it might not be the best idea to go looking for your ex.

If I might offer you one more piece of advice, it would be this: past life experiences are not a burden. It may be helpful to let go of the burden and embrace a new life.

I hope this is helpful to you.

Dear question asker,

I can sense your concern and apprehension from reading your question.

My dear, you've been in an online relationship for four years and never met in person! You had frequent video chats with him during the online relationship, but he never showed his face, while you showed your face and a bit of your body!

Could I ask whether you are in love? I feel I can agree with what you said about there being a serious savior mentality and a lack of self-protection.

Given the length of your online relationship, you have concerns about his potential biases, grudges, and even threats. You have been cautious and tentative with him, confirming many times, but you still feel uneasy.

I believe that, regardless of your ex's mentality, you have demonstrated your sincerity and devotion to him. Otherwise, you would not have been with him for four years on and off and would not have shown your face and body on video calls. This indicates that you have sufficient trust and love for him.

Now that you have ended the relationship, he still contacts you from time to time, which can be unsettling. You may feel scared, worried, or even afraid that he will harass you or do something extreme.

I can appreciate your concerns and reservations. Based on his usual words and actions, as well as your trust in him (he knows the address of your workplace and you showed your face and body a bit during the video call, which is not uncommon in a normal relationship), he did not show his face during the video call, which is somewhat unusual. I am not sure how you feel about this, so I am not in a position to understand the true inner thoughts of this person.

Fortunately, you have already had the opportunity to meet someone in person, and things seem to be going well for now. You mentioned that your blind date often comments on how you seem to be holding something back, but you're unsure what it might be. This suggests that your blind date is interested in you and your feelings. You can discuss your concerns with him and observe how he handles the situation. It will also give you a better understanding of his problem-solving abilities and the depth of his feelings for you.

Perhaps we could discuss your concerns together?

You mentioned that he once said he would hang himself in front of your workplace if you deleted him. Are you concerned that he might actually do that? It's unlikely that he would do such a thing, and even if he did, it wouldn't affect you.

Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that you have "broken up" with your online partner. After all, an online relationship cannot be considered a real relationship.

It's understandable to be concerned that he might use your video to threaten you. However, even if he does, he would be breaking the law, so we shouldn't be too afraid of him.

Apart from these two points, I don't think there's anything to be afraid of. It might be helpful to consider the worst-case scenario, but even if that occurs, there are laws in place to protect you.

I just wanted to mention that from now on, we will be sure to tell your family and potential partners about this matter. It's important to remember that you don't have to bear this alone.

You might also consider saying something like, "Thank you for the years we spent together." It's important to remember that there's no such thing as a party that never ends. You're a good person, and I wish you happiness!

For the sake of our future happiness, it might be best to refrain from further contact. This could be a good way to end things.

If you feel comfortable doing so, you might want to block and delete him, and avoid contacting him again.

My dear child, in the future, we will learn to protect ourselves when doing anything. Not all online relationships are unreliable, but there are indeed certain risks. I believe you have gained valuable insights and life wisdom from this experience. It has also been a positive learning opportunity for you.

At the time, you were only 18 years old, and your personality was still evolving. You met someone online who was six years older than you, but whose personality was also not fully formed. If left unchecked, it could potentially lead to some unhealthy patterns. These years with him didn't necessarily bring you the nourishment you needed. They did, however, teach you valuable lessons. You didn't run away with him, and you were able to recognize his limitations. You made the choice to end things with him.

I hope you have a wonderful time with your blind date in the days to come. Remember to love yourself!

It would be beneficial to treasure yourself. When you are outstanding, you will attract outstanding people and gain more respect from others.

Wishing you the best of luck! The world and I are rooting for you!

Hello, host. I'm a small anemone rainbow sugar cube. I've been in several romantic relationships, and they've all had their ups and downs. I'm now a mother of two and have a very happy family.

The past is always prologue. It might come to mind now and then, but it doesn't affect our lives in the present. I believe that every experience is a gift and will inevitably lead to growth.

Looking back, the poster and her ex-boyfriend had been chatting online on and off for about four years. There were lots of differences between you in various aspects, and the man was more extreme (there's not much detail here, so it's difficult to understand exactly how extreme), so the probability of the two of you actually falling in love and even getting married is very low. However, because you feel comfortable chatting with him, you can't help but keep in touch.

The poster wants to end the situation and protect himself.

The poster is now in his twenties, which is a crucial period for developing intimate relationships with others. Intimacy includes, but is not limited to, friendship and also love. I'm curious to know how the poster defines the current relationship between you and him.

Is it just friendship? Or is there more to it?

Or is it something else entirely?

How will this relationship affect your personal growth and your ability to form close connections with others?

From what the poster says, one of his strengths is that you feel comfortable chatting with him. I think the poster can really understand why this is. Is it because he's a great conversationalist?

Or is it because he's looking for something he doesn't have? How do you generally gain communication and exchange in life?

Is there anyone else who can help you see things clearly? Is chatting with him the only way you can interact with him?

This will help you see the relationship and your dependence on each other more clearly, and make more powerful judgments and actions.

What's the best way to protect myself?

The original poster said that they hope to protect themselves. I have a few questions for them. I'm not sure which aspect of life the original poster feels is in danger and needs protecting.

Is it psychological, or is it intimidation?

Maybe we need to try different suggestions and approaches. If it's just verbal entanglement, then to be frank, we just don't talk about it.

It's easier said than done. Sometimes we become addicted to things because we're used to them. When I broke up with my first boyfriend, I cried for a whole week. At that time, I had friends with me, so I could cry and make a scene without looking for him (if I didn't have friends around, I think I might have gone back to him).

Then she met a second boyfriend. As the saying goes, the best way to move on from a relationship is to start a new one.

If not, you can also devote yourself to something interesting to distract yourself. Of course, there are many other good ways to do this. Based on this question, I also hope that the original poster can have a very good marriage. You can enjoy love and have a wonderful marriage in your twenties.

What's the first thing I should do right now?

My advice is that the landlord should tell the other person as clearly as possible, once and for all, to end the relationship and not to repeat it. It's been four years, and you must know him well enough to know what's best.

Secondly, take a step back and evaluate your relationship. Summarize it, label it, and put it in a corner. Don't forget it, but accept it. Then, put it somewhere you won't think about it and move on.

And then, over time, the relationship might fade away due to other relationships or other things, and it might disappear from life. It's like a headline that no one comments on or pays attention to for a long time, and it slowly sinks to the bottom and becomes outdated.

If you focus on other things, it'll be magnified. If this is only a small part of your life, you won't focus on it exclusively.

It's better to let it go than try to forget. The more you forget, the harder it is to forget.

While love can make us irrational, we can still understand it with reason.

Stenberg says there are three main parts to love: intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Intimacy is about emotional connection and sharing personal details, which can lead to mutual understanding and care. Do you have a sense of mutual honesty and concern?

Passion is what motivates us to have sex. It's the internal drive for physiological arousal. Given that you haven't seen each other for four years, it's clear that there's no motivation on either side.

Commitment is the cognitive component, the decision to love and stay with the one you love. At least the original poster doesn't want to be with the other person forever, and it's unclear if the other person feels the same way.

To sum up, I think the host has already made up his mind. I just wanted to say a few words to the host: be kind but firm with others and with your choices. I also hope the host finds true love.