How can I get back an ex-boyfriend who is occasionally chauvinistic but extremely sensitive and vulnerable at heart?

Hello, question asker! You ask about a guy who is occasionally male chauvinist, but extremely sensitive and vulnerable inside.

From the question alone, I can't tell what's wrong with this guy, but I think this guy must mean a lot to you, so let's dive right in and take a closer look at the question together!

You had a studious ex-boyfriend who was occasionally a bit of a male chauvinist, but deep down he was very sensitive and tender. What an amazing guy! What should you do to win him back? He's so passive.

You were the one who confessed your feelings, and he was overjoyed! He said, "Really?"

"Really? You're willing to be with me?" At the time of the breakup: deleted in a cliffhanger.

The reason is that you had a difference of opinion with him about doing something together, and he asked twice, but you still had your heart set on doing something else, even going so far as to accuse him of being aggressive. (But that thing was actually something you had promised to do with him before.) It was indeed your problem.

You didn't give him enough face and didn't keep your promises. But I didn't know this would be such a big deal in front of him!

? Communicate honestly to enhance understanding!

After reading your question, I feel that you must have really liked your ex-boyfriend, and he must have liked you too! It's just that you two probably have different personalities. You may be more emotional, the type that dares to love and hate—and that's a good thing!

Your ex-boyfriend may be more rational, but he has good feelings for you and likes you! He was secretly happy when you took the initiative to confess your love to him and kept asking if it was true. This shows that he was very happy, excited, and moved to receive your confession!

It's just that you two may have different opinions on one thing. Perhaps in your ex-boyfriend's mind, if you promise something in advance, you must do it, and if you back out now, that's a breach of trust, and he can't accept it. In fact, this also shows that he has very high standards for his girlfriend, which is great because it means he'll be a great academic! I don't know if he is very demanding of everyone associated with him. If so, it shows that he is a person who has high standards and strict requirements for himself and others, which also confirms why he can become an academic.

You may be a rather casual person, which is great! At the beginning, when he invited you to do something together, you agreed. Later, when it came time to do it, you didn't want to do it anymore. Here's an opportunity to think about why you agreed in the first place!

Now, why do you regret it? If it's because the situation is a bit challenging or you're facing some difficulties, it's totally understandable that you're feeling regretful. But here's the good news: we have the right to return goods without reason within seven days when buying online!

If there's no reasonable reason and you're the one who unilaterally broke the appointment, then go and apologize to him! I'm sure he'll accept you. As the saying goes, "Knowing one's faults and being able to improve is the greatest improvement of all." Since you already know you were wrong and are willing to correct it, he shouldn't be so stubborn as to not give you a way out!

Come on, I really do wish you an early reconciliation and happiness!

Topic master, I wish you well, and I hope my answer is helpful! The world and I love you!

Dear question asker,

Given what I know about your current situation, your past relationship with your ex-boyfriend, and the circumstances of your abrupt separation, I am curious to understand your feelings about the breakup. It seems to me that the way it was handled might benefit from some reflection.

I would like to take a moment to reflect on the nature of love and marriage.

In Jung's view, falling in love with another person can be seen as a form of narcissistic projection. It is said that every woman has an internal male image called the animus, and similarly, every man has an internal female image called the anima. When a woman meets a "desirable" man, it is because the man seems like her internal animus, and thus "infatuation" occurs. At this time, we say that the girl has fallen in love. In fact, you have labeled your internal animus as studious, male chauvinist, but also very tender at heart, and pasted it onto your boyfriend. It is like a slideshow of your inner world, and your ex-boyfriend becomes a projection screen. This is what is meant by the saying "the lover sees beauty in everyone".

Your boyfriend may have a low sense of self-worth. When you confessed your love to him, his reaction was very positive. I'm not sure what his inner anima is like, but from the incident that triggered your breakup, his inner anima may be an all-powerful mother who not only accepts him, shows him positive and unconditional attention, but also obeys him unquestionably. When you refused, it seems that the image of this all-powerful mother was shattered. In a state of anger or despair, he may have resorted to an avoidant attachment, which is something that a child would do. That's his defense mechanism. He may use it to protect himself from being hurt or abandoned.

It's possible that he isn't that different from your inner archetypal image, and you might be inclined to whitewash the situation in order to save the relationship by excusing him. This can be seen from the way you ask the question, because you care about it and you want to have a theory that can explain his behavior, so that you can forgive him or ask for his forgiveness and save the relationship.

It might be said that our inner animus is the part of our creativity that we have not yet fully expressed. If we project this creativity onto specific people, we may not fully recognize that our inner potential is seeking self-realization. Withdrawing this projected creative energy could potentially enable us to realize our inner potential and achieve even greater gains.

[The ultimate goal of love is self-realization]

I believe that true happiness can only be found when one truly gets to know another person, treats them as a real person, and begins to like and care for that person. It is only when one becomes mature, has realistic expectations of another person, and takes responsibility for one's own happiness or misfortune that I think there must be very happy memories in the bits and pieces of your love for each other. Perhaps the most important thing to consider is that while he brings you happiness, he also brings you pain. In terms of "amusing yourself," it might be helpful to take responsibility for your own happiness and stop hoping for others.

Projection can be a beneficial process. Each time it occurs, we have the chance to gain deeper insights into our inner selves. By harmonizing our conscious and subconscious minds, we can strive to become more fully realized individuals.

I am a psychological counselor, Zhang Huili. I hope my answer can be of some help to you. If it is useful to you in any way, I would be grateful if you could indicate that it has been useful by clicking the thumbs-up icon.

Hello, I'm June!

It's so great that you care so much about your boyfriend and feel like you've done something wrong. I'm sure you'll make it up to him!

From your description, your boyfriend has two opposite characteristics, which makes him a fascinating mix of qualities!

1. Machismo

2. Sensitive, gentle, passive

These two seemingly contradictory characteristics are actually the same psychological phenomenon called "insecure attachment."

A male chauvinist has several fascinating characteristics!

1. Strong: He's confident and knows he's right. He's not afraid to stand his ground and won't let others contradict him.

2. High self-esteem: high standards and high expectations in everything, a strong sense of principle, and the ability to accept failure. (Which makes him perfect for an academic career!)

When a baby is about one year old, it has just learned to crawl or walk, can get what it wants, and can go where it wants. It feels like the king of the world and thinks it is super awesome! It will then want to be praised by its parents.

Parents may respond in an unstable manner for various reasons, which is totally normal! They might praise when they're in a good mood, but scold or ignore when they're in a bad mood.

When a child is scolded or ignored, it feels extreme injustice, fear, and anger inside. Some children may start to cry. But here's the good news! If the crying is promptly soothed by the parents, the child will gradually understand that it cannot be self-centered in everything, and its personality will develop.

However, some children do not receive reassurance, but instead continue to be ignored by their parents, who let them cry until they are exhausted, or they receive even harsher reprimands from their parents. Over time, the child's heart becomes fragile and sensitive, which is an opportunity for growth and resilience!

But they have to suppress their emotions, so they have the amazing opportunity to become better in order to continue to get the attention of their parents.

Romantic relationships are a wonderful reflection of attachment relationships! When you fail to do something you promised him, it awakens in him an unconscious feeling of being ignored, scolded, and punished by his parents, a feeling he cannot bear.

So he chose to escape!

Now that you probably understand the process of his emotional response, that is, you understand that there is a child inside him who feels a deep sense of insecurity, it's time to decide: Do you still want to save your relationship? Are you confident that you can handle his emotions?

You might also want to consider whether it is his abilities, intelligence, or character traits that attract you, or whether it is the vulnerability he occasionally shows that triggers your maternal instinct. What kind of child does your heart need to heal?

The above analysis only starts from the perspective of attachment theory. There are other perspectives that can be used for analysis and understanding. If your boyfriend often does such decisive things, I highly recommend you make an appointment with a counselor to communicate.

I really hope the above gives you some inspiration! I'd love to hear any feedback, suggestions or additions from other teachers!

I wish you the absolute best and most happiness you could ever imagine!

Macho men want control.

A strong desire for control is a sign of insecurity.

He is sensitive and vulnerable, but he is also insecure.

He needs to be on constant guard against external threats, bluffing, and fending off outside aggression.

Dealing with such a person requires a balance of gentleness, vulnerability, and firmness. Showing weakness when appropriate is crucial, but maintaining a strong position is also essential. This reassures the person that you are not a threat and that you are someone they can trust.

If you want to get back together, you need to lower your profile and repair his self-esteem.

1. Avoid his minefields and find a way to enter the soft spot deep inside his heart.

He has an academic former boyfriend who is occasionally male chauvinist, but deep down is very sensitive and soft. I'm going to win him back.

Your ex-boyfriend has a very strong sense of self-esteem.

He wants to be the best at everything, which is why he became such a top student.

He always wants to be in charge and comes across as a male chauvinist.

He may only be occasionally chauvinistic when he is with you, but deep down he probably wants you to call the shots at any time.

His sensitivity is like some tentacles sticking out of his body, which will raise his hair when there is the slightest movement.

And softness is his essence, the only area that makes him feel comfortable under the hard shell.

If you want to win him back, you need to avoid his hard armor. Don't touch his sensitive nerves. Touch the softest place in his heart instead.

2. The passive may have some inferiority complex, so use your confidence to take the initiative and win him back.

He was passive, but I took the initiative and made the confession.

He was ecstatic. I knew you'd say yes.

You're willing to be with me?

After you confessed your feelings, he was ecstatic. He has a very favorable impression of you, and he knows it.

I have a good impression of you, and I'm going to say it. I'm not afraid of your judgment because I know I'm worthy of it.

Your initiative shows you are a very confident person.

A self-deprecating guy really admires and envies a confident girl.

If you break up for some reason and want to get back together, you need to take the initiative. He's attracted to you because of your self-confidence.

3. Make sure you clarify responsibilities and problems, and express your feelings and needs in a tactful way.

The breakup was: deleted in a cliffhanger. I told him I didn't want to do something together, and he asked twice, but I still told him no and accused him of being too aggressive. (But that thing was actually something I had promised to do with him before.) It was my decision.

You didn't give him enough face. And you didn't keep your promise.

But I didn't know it would be such a big deal in front of him.

You demonstrate remarkable strength of character by reflecting on and facing your own problems head-on.

You didn't keep your promise to go to the place you had promised him because there was a reason for it.

You need to make him understand this reason.

You think he's too aggressive.

He spoke to you in a way that made you feel uncomfortable, right?

You asked me to accompany you on an errand, and you should have been polite to me. You were overbearing, as if I were supposed to serve you. When you refused him, did you feel a little of this emotion?

You say you didn't give him enough face, but let's be real—he didn't give you face in the first place.

You need to make him realize this. Otherwise, he'll think it's all your responsibility.

Go to him now and apologize. Tell him you haven't kept your promise because you felt uncomfortable when you heard the tone of his voice and deliberately refused to agree with him in a huff.

You are sorry for hurting his pride, and you expect him to consider your pride and speak nicely to you. You are more than willing to be with him and do whatever he wants.

If he still loves you, and you give him a way out, he will take it.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful.

My name is Yan Guilai, and I am a psychological counselor. I wish you all happiness!

Hi, I'm Kelly Shui. I'm going to talk to you about male chauvinism. 1. They think they're better than women. They think women should do the housework.

I'm Kelly Shui.

[Macho man, ex-boyfriend who is sensitive and vulnerable inside]

Let's discuss the behaviors of a male chauvinist.

1: Girlfriend, wife, woman. Men should be men, for example, women should do the housework.

2. They don't like to communicate, jump to conclusions, and often make their own decisions.

(Like when he doesn't communicate with you and deletes you directly.)

3: They like to have their own way and think they're always right.

4: Macho men are hot-tempered, so when they get along with others, they also lack the ability to handle things and control their emotions.

If the questioner is set on moving forward, they should also be ready for this. They should be more tolerant and give him enough security to feel that you are trustworthy.

5:

I didn't see if the question asker mentioned how long you've known each other or how long you've been together. I like the saying, "know thyself and know thy enemy."

You might also want to think about what it was that attracted you to your boyfriend's good points.

If we can't change others, are we willing to change ourselves?

The questioner is perceptive, and the studious boyfriend feels loved and ecstatic by you. It must be that you have the qualities he likes in you.

As you've observed your boyfriend's nerdy tendencies and male chauvinism, it's clear that he has both positive and negative traits.

Why not have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend?

1: You admire him for being a good student and for being a bit of a macho man (for example, deleting WeChat, etc.). You think he could be more open-minded, communicate better, be willing to listen to your opinions, or ask you.

Or maybe he's a male chauvinist who takes responsibility, can handle pressure, and is willing to give you happiness. Then this time he blacklists you because he thinks you're not responsible or committed and aren't a man of your word?

The good side of male chauvinism may also be his strength. Will he also demand this of his other half? (These are assumptions, so please forgive me if there is anything inappropriate.)

2: Lots of people dislike male chauvinists because they can also be selfish and narrow-minded, self-righteous, and like to demand what they want from others. They can even look down on people who are more capable than them. (In fact, it may be due to reasons such as an inferiority complex and narcissism.)

[Find out about your boyfriend's upbringing -]

My boyfriend is a scholar. Is he a bit of a perfectionist? What was his upbringing like?

You mentioned that you're sensitive and soft-hearted, which can have its pros and cons. Being sensitive can make it tough to handle certain situations, but it can also lead to deeper connections in relationships. You might find it helpful to read the book "Growing Together in Relationships."

1: If you do decide to make up, try to be a stable presence and work with your boyfriend to figure out the root cause.

It's important to understand whether this character was formed from childhood or influenced by the family environment.

For instance, there's a father who is quite imposing. (You'll also learn)

Or perhaps he was exposed to a lot of male chauvinism, or there are other factors at play.

If you're honest with each other and genuinely like each other, you'll be able to figure out the root cause and get along better with him.

You can gradually enhance each other's personalities by getting to know each other better.

2: Show your boyfriend more care and love, and impress him with your actions. No matter how macho a man is, he still needs others to care about him, especially in an intimate relationship. Maybe he cares about being cared about, so your actions are especially important.

Give him a chance to express his opinions before you make any decisions. Don't ignore his feelings. This way, you can figure out the best way to get along with him and show him more care and love.

You said you disagreed with him about doing something together, and he asked twice, but you still disagreed and called him too aggressive.

If he feels like you don't love him, it's pointless to worry about being respected. And if he feels humiliated,

And you realize that you promised to do that with him before, and it was your mistake.

If you don't give him the respect he deserves and don't keep your promises,

Nobody's perfect, and we all make mistakes. If you realize you've broken your promise, you can apologize if you want to salvage the relationship. Whether or not your boyfriend accepts your apology is up to him.

You might want to ask yourself what you can do to reconcile.

3: You need to set some boundaries with each other. Even if you're both pretty flexible, there has to be a limit to how much you can take, and you shouldn't be taken advantage of.

For instance, before you agree, ask yourself, "When he likes to arrange everything himself and you can't stand it, you can communicate with him and express your thoughts, and tell the other person honestly, so that the other person knows some of your true thoughts, and then tell him the reasons why you disagree. This way, you can eliminate misunderstandings by being upfront and communicating with each other."

If you say you won't do it, it's on you.

If he doesn't get what he wants, it's on him.

You understand him, so show more initiative and care, and reach out to him more often. This can strengthen your relationship. You've seen that male chauvinists are lonely and can't really open up and communicate with others.

Going forward, it'd be good to give more recognition and support.

Maybe it's not the strong wind, but the gentle breeze that often makes people take off their coats.

I hope you're doing well.

Hello, I'm Jiang 61.

First of all, thank you for trusting us with your problem. You ask, "How do I win back an ex-boyfriend who is occasionally male chauvinist but extremely sensitive and vulnerable at heart?"

"I can relate to what you're going through. I'm here for you."

1. Your situation

1⃣️, boyfriend

You mentioned that your ex-boyfriend has an academic former boyfriend who is occasionally male chauvinist, but deep down he is very sensitive and softhearted. What should you do to win him back?

He was pretty passive. I was the one who made the confession.

He was really happy about it.

You're willing to be with me?

What are his personality traits?

Appearance can be a bit of a cover.

Macho: Stubborn, strong-willed, not confident

You're sensitive and care about what other people think of you. You lack confidence.

You're soft, considerate, emotionally delicate, and pleasing. You're also altruistic.

You're passive, and you lack confidence.

You're really excited.

From his two "Really?" questions, I can tell that your boyfriend has a crush on you and is afraid to confess because he's not sure.

It's hard to hide your excitement when you confess.

2. You

You're the one who makes the first move in your relationship. This also shows that you're a lively and outgoing person who's straightforward and speaks her mind.

2. Why did you break up?

You said, "Breaking up is like being cut off at a cliff." I disagreed with him doing something with him, and he asked twice, and I still disagreed, and accused him of being too aggressive. (But that thing was actually something I had promised to do with him before.) It was my mistake.

He hasn't given him enough face, and he doesn't keep his promises.

But didn't you realize that this would be such a big deal to him?

1⃣️, the superego him

From what you've told me, your boyfriend is very strong-willed and decisive, which shows that he values dignity and integrity. He probably values the character trait of "trust" even more highly. That means he evaluates people from a moral point of view.

In terms of self-development, he's more inclined to the superego. That means he'll use morality as a yardstick to restrain his own behavior and judge others.

So, he couldn't accept your promises, which he saw as immature.

2⃣️, your natural self

When there's a conflict, you tend to come across as quite happy-go-lucky. You're a bit self-centered and quick to blame others without considering their feelings.

3. Lack of mutual understanding

? Sticking to your own opinions

You two have different ways of showing yourselves, so you'll react differently to the same thing.

When there's a disagreement, both people tend to stick to their own views and don't always understand the other person's perspective, which can make things worse.

Breakup

As you mentioned earlier, he asked you to do something with him twice, but you not only refused, you also accused him of having a bad attitude. You didn't realize that he was trying to make a last-ditch effort.

You only realized the breakup was happening when he deleted your link in a cliffhanger. It took you a while to realize that he was giving you your final notice.

3. Can it be fixed?

1. Find out why the relationship ended.

? Look at the reasons why.

There are usually many reasons for breaking up, but the main ones are:

1. The relationship has lost its spark.

2. You feel like the relationship has grown distant.

3. You don't trust each other anymore.

4. You've started seeing someone new.

5. Either you or your partner has done something unforgivable.

Before you can find a solution, you need to figure out what exactly caused the breakup.

A cliffhanger breakup.

The breakup you mentioned was a cliffhanger, i.e., a sudden and unexpected one.

What's the story behind this cliff-style breakup?

A breakup that ends with a finger-pointing is a sudden parting. One day, the couple may be inseparable and in a harmonious relationship, but then one party suddenly proposes a breakup in an icy and forceful manner, creating a huge contrast.

What happens next?

A cliffhanger breakup basically gives the other person no chance to explain themselves. But a cliffhanger breakup isn't completely without warning signs.

At this point, you need to take a step back and think about why this happened.

You'll only know what to do next once you've figured out why the relationship ended.

2⃣️, why you're attached to him

Overall, you really like him and can't let go of the past. Before you decide whether you can get your ex-boyfriend back, you need to think clearly about what you're attached to him for.

What does this attachment mean for your current and future life?

3⃣️ Can you get him back?

Once you know why the relationship ended, think about what it would mean to you to get him back. Once you've thought it through and are ready to move forward, here's what you need to do:

Empathy

People who are highly sensitive have a strong sense of detail, high emotional awareness, and stronger emotional reactions. They can imitate and learn more easily, and they have a different kind of empathy. They pay more attention to others and the environment, and they think more deeply about people and things. They feel all the feelings all the time.

So, if you want to win your boyfriend back, you've got to start by empathizing with him, breaking the ice, and trying to get the chance to explain everything to him in person.

? Reflecting on the past together

Think back to some of the great times you've had together, especially the little things that really touched you, that he might have missed.

I'll explain.

Explain why you initially refused to do things with him, speak your mind, and hope that he can empathize with your feelings and forgive you.

Self-adjustment

Learn to handle conflicts between you and your boyfriend in a logical way. Don't just think about what's right and wrong from your perspective. Think about what's right and wrong from your boyfriend's perspective too. Try to empathise with him and others involved. Then you can solve the problem.

Over time, let your gut instincts guide your thoughts and actions, so that your relationship can become more harmonious.

Be sincere.

People who are highly sensitive lack trust in others and are very sensitive to the attitudes of others towards them. If he feels that you are not serious about him and are hiding things, it will make your relationship extremely vulnerable.

So, when you're dealing with highly sensitive people, it's important to be sincere and honest.

Don't be too weak.

Women are naturally spoiled. Show a little weakness, but don't overdo it. Adopt a little womanly posture, ask for forgiveness and protection, and give him a chance to show his manhood. Then, don't miss the opportunity to praise him. This will make him feel valued and give him a sense of worth.

It'll depend on your efforts and whether your ex is willing to accept your past. Keep at it!

In the end,

Hello! I'll hug you.

You've asked a similar question before. It's a similar situation.

You run a business, your boyfriend is a lawyer, and you broke up because you didn't go to his city as agreed.

If you reconcile, you'll have to apologize, explain, make promises, and win him back. You'll live happily together.

But what about next time? What will you do if you encounter the same situation again? You are a businessperson with limited time. There's a good chance you'll stand him up again.

If you want to get back together, have you prepared for possible future situations?

Or will he use the same method to save the relationship if he encounters a similar situation again?

Your boyfriend is a lawyer. Lawyers are busy. It's easy to be stood up by a lawyer.

I don't know if he'll keep his promises.

The longer it takes, the less effective this method will be.

Your boyfriend is sensitive and insecure, but he's also strong. His soft-heartedness is his weapon.

It's like a baby: they look harmless, but when they cry, you have to do whatever they want. Weakness can be powerful.

The other person is good at using your weakness against you.

I'm not trying to make you break up, but I hope you can see the problems in your relationship. If you don't change, you'll have to deal with your partner's male chauvinism and lack of security.

You don't have a plan, so come up with some questions. You can't ask questions all the time.

You and your partner need to grow. Otherwise, trying to save the relationship would be pointless.

Talk to a counselor. Understand your subconscious.

Why did you cancel seeing him? Why do you think he's the one?

What did you get out of this relationship? How can you fix it?

How to manage the relationship after recovery is best discussed one-on-one.

The other person also needs to change or you'll end up back where you started.

Go to a counselor on your own to sort yourself out. Then talk about getting back together.

I'm a counselor who's often pessimistic and sometimes positive. I love you, the world, and you.