How can I reduce the internal conflict that intimacy causes me?

Hello, I read your description and want to share some of the information I found.

1. Everyone needs love. You have a good impression of this male friend. You added him to WeChat on your own initiative. Now you have a stronger impression of him, so you mentioned that you added him.

2. You think he likes you, so you mentioned that after a period of disconnection, he took the initiative to find you. You feel that in the chat, he will show his curiosity about you. This is your subjective interpretation, and I don't know if it's true. At least it shows that you like him. However, the expression "raising fish" shows that you are wary of the relationship.

3. Sometimes you think you can still have awkward conversations and that the other person likes you. But your need for love is rising, and so is your impression of the other person.

4. Why do you still have a need for love and a favorable impression of him, but you still "never dare to reveal the signal that you like him"? You need to find the reason yourself.

5. You've been in touch more often recently, which shows your need for love is rising. You say you're paying too much attention to him, but this is still a sign of rising affection and expectations. However, you're experiencing internal conflict again. You think paying attention to the other person will affect your self-growth, but you're also worried that he doesn't like you.

The more you care, the more you fear losing him. You start to fantasize about breaking up or arguing again. If you were to make it clear now that it's impossible to continue, you could focus on your studies. You're just looking for a reason to worry about yourself.

Your current state is as follows: you need love, you have good feelings and expectations of him, you are afraid of whether he likes you, and you think studying is more important than love. This makes you distracted and full of internal conflicts.

Some things to think about:

1. Falling in love and learning and self-development are both basic human needs. They are not contradictory. Learning and development also include physical and mental health. Falling in love is an aspect of self-development. If you can correctly view and handle the relationship between falling in love and self-development, the two can complement and promote each other.

2. I read some avoidance and fear in your description. Maybe it was because of your parents' advice when you were young, like "don't fall in love too early." Find a way to read your subconscious mind and you can solve the problem.

3. Love is not just about you; it's about both of you. You need to feel loved by your partner and know that they need you to love them too. There's someone out there who's perfect for you, so don't wait for them to come along. True love is about combining your identities, accepting each other, and being open to giving and receiving. When you're in love, you need courage to love and be loved.

To get over your doubts, you have to be brave and accept love. If he told you a girl had been asking him out a lot, it would make you feel worse.

Greetings. I am a heart coach. Life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for blossoming.

After listening to your emotional account, it is evident that the two-year relationship with a member of the opposite sex has caused significant emotional distress. You are attempting to maintain a separation between your emotions and your studies and work, yet the more you try to calm down, the more affected you become. Let us examine this together.

1. A young girl is experiencing her first romantic attachment, and it is possible that she is becoming romantically interested in another individual.

Additionally, you should be at an age where marriage is a consideration. It is a common phenomenon for young people to engage in romantic thoughts and feelings. Many individuals anticipate the prospect of a romantic love affair during their formative years.

Despite your introverted nature and lack of initiative, the fact that you have maintained communication for two years without passion but with a certain degree of interest demonstrates that you can still interact and have some common ground. While it cannot be said that you love each other, it is evident that you have a favorable impression of each other.

Otherwise, there would be no evidence of sustained contact over an extended period, which suggests the existence of a connection between the two individuals.

In the initial stages of a relationship, when feelings have not yet developed, there is no excessive attention paid to the quality of the conversation or the other person's actions. However, once feelings emerge, a certain degree of apprehension may arise.

A portion of one's energy and cognitive resources will be allocated to understanding the other person's actions, beliefs, and intentions. This may manifest as a desire to take the initiative and foster closer proximity.

These behaviors indicate the emergence of affection or the initial stages of romantic attachment.

2. If one attempts to suppress these feelings, the result is likely to be a heightened sense of distress.

It is evident that you have emotional needs. It is a fundamental human desire to love and be loved, and to establish a profound connection with one's loved ones. However, your behavior is characterized by avoidance, which inevitably gives rise to internal conflict.

The experience of falling in love does not inherently result in internal conflict. The act of enjoying love and being loved is accompanied by a sense of physical and mental pleasure. However, the internal conflict arises when one experiences love for another individual but is simultaneously afraid to reciprocate that love.

The desire to love and be loved is accompanied by an array of internal fears, including the potential for hurt, the cyclical nature of gain and loss, and the doubts surrounding one's self-worth and ability to maintain a loving relationship.

Such a limiting belief can give rise to significant internal conflict, characterised by self-doubt and self-negation. Rather than questioning the object of one's affections, it may be more beneficial to engage in introspection and self-reflection.

This concept can be likened to the manner in which sand is dispersed when grasped; the more one attempts to retain it, the more rapidly it dissipates. This phenomenon can be observed in the context of romantic relationships as well. When individuals refrain from expressing their emotions and suppress their feelings, the relationship may intensify and become deeply entrenched in their emotional state.

The optimal method for achieving this is to confront the issue directly.

When one attempts to suppress their emotions, it can result in a depletion of one's energy, which may subsequently impair one's ability to engage in other important tasks.

It is therefore advisable to simply accept the situation and allow events to unfold. Should one have a positive internal perception, it is possible to express this directly. In the worst case, one may experience rejection, but this is preferable to the psychological distress currently being endured.

It is possible that he shares your perspective and has a favorable impression of you. Would not such a partnership be a beneficial outcome? The concept of introversion is, after all, relative.

It is sufficient for one to find a partner who is relatively more active in the relationship than oneself.

It is imperative that individuals undergo maturation; utilizing the relationship to facilitate personal growth and attain breakthroughs is more advantageous than experiencing genuine emotions and having the ideal partner in close proximity, yet being unable to fully connect with them.

It is imperative to recognize that everyone has the inherent right to love and be loved. Furthermore, this is not merely a privilege; it is an inherent ability.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned information is beneficial to you. Furthermore, I extend my warmest regards to you and to the world at large.

Should you wish to pursue this discussion further, you are invited to visit my personal homepage, entitled "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello. I can tell you're confused and uneasy about your relationship. I'm here to help.

A healthy relationship is based on respect and equality. From your description, I can see that this relationship makes you feel uncomfortable and that you're questioning it.

Focus on yourself again. Sometimes we get so caught up in someone else that we forget about our own growth.

However, our value and happiness should not depend on how others see us. We are all individuals who deserve respect.

We can talk about these issues together if you want.

First, give yourself time and space. Don't focus on the other person. Do things you like. This will make you feel better and make your life more interesting.

When we are busy with our own things, we may find that we don't rely on the other person's feedback and recognition as much.

We can set boundaries in the relationship. For example, we can decide to chat for only a certain amount of time each day and focus on our own things at other times.

This can help you control your emotions and avoid becoming too addicted to the relationship. It can also help you understand the other person better.

Tell the other person how you feel. Tell them about your confusion and concerns.

The other person might give us feedback or tell us their true thoughts. Either way, it's responsible to take care of ourselves.

Finally, learn to take care of your emotions. Find a way to relax that suits you, and keep your mind in a good place.

Take control of your emotions and happiness.

You can adapt and overcome the relationship. You have shown courage and wisdom. You know your needs and have taken steps to protect yourself.

This is a form of growth. Give yourself time and space, and trust that you will find balance. And enjoy the good times.

I hope my answer helps. I love you! ?

Hello!

Patting on the shoulder.

"How can I reduce intimacy-related internal friction?"

The questioner is cute.

To reduce intimacy, both parties in the relationship need to be in a committed relationship. This will lead to clear boundaries.

However, you're both internet friends who've never met.

There's a big "gray area" in your relationship.

These conditions make it hard to develop your relationship because you don't trust each other.

If you like him and want to get to know him better, you'll have questions. How can you prove what he says is true? How can you know what he really feels?

I can understand his situation, background, personality, and feelings. This will give me security and trust, and my relationship with him can develop.

Some online relationships develop into intimate ones. These examples are based on a certain guarantee of authenticity. One party actively discloses their identity, requests a meeting, or expresses information about their lives.

Without truth, the relationship is based on false expectations. It lacks trust and authenticity.

If you don't have all the information, you'll feel insecure. You'll be afraid to invest, and you'll be afraid of the harm that will be caused if you invest too much but don't get the ideal response.

However, love can make us ignore reality. We can be too eager for love to think about the risks and fears of a relationship.

When I don't care about him, I can focus on my own life. But when I get drawn into the past, fear spreads.

To have a healthy, growing relationship, you need to understand your own needs. What kind of relationship do you want? What do you want from the relationship? What can you accept?

What can't I accept?

So, I can set limits in my relationship with him. This way, he won't affect my life too much.

It's important to be yourself, independent, and confident in a relationship. If you lack these things, you might feel insecure and unable to trust your partner.

I hope this helps.

Best,

Greetings.

From perusing your text, it is evident that you have formed a favorable impression of this individual. You have discerned feelings and expectations.

Nevertheless, a significant concern is the fear of intimacy. There is a perceived risk that the relationship will not evolve in a positive manner, potentially leading to its dissolution.

You anticipate a negative outcome and therefore maintain a distance from him, preventing him from becoming too intimate.

The underlying cause of your reluctance to enter into a relationship is the presence of deeply entrenched fears. What, precisely, are you afraid of?

It is likely that you are aware of the underlying issues more than anyone else. You can take a moment to calm down and connect with your body, and then try to perceive what the outcome of your fear would be if it were to appear.

The question thus arises as to whether the individual in question is capable of handling such a situation.

The desire for love is accompanied by an inherent fear of being loved. Could this be a result of childhood experiences? Or is it a reflection of the close relationship with one's parents?

If one is aware that they exhibit avoidant attachment patterns, it is possible to recognize that these patterns are not a reflection of one's own volition. Through deliberate practice, it is possible to supplement this primary pattern with other patterns that can facilitate a more optimal way of living.

If the issue is related to experiences in childhood, it may be helpful to connect with one's childhood self. Reaching a state of inner child acceptance, one can reassure oneself that one has matured, is capable, and will protect oneself.

The present situation or imagination evokes past memories, when we were afraid and unable to protect ourselves. However, now that we have matured, we can attempt to confront what we were once afraid of, and perhaps after a few attempts, we will observe unexpected results.

This situation may be likened to that of the little elephant, tied to a small wooden stake and unable to break free. In psychological terms, this is known as learned helplessness.

Once the infant elephant has reached maturity, it also believes that it is unable to extricate itself from the diminutive wooden stake.

The most pressing issue at the present time is not the existence of romantic feelings for a particular individual and the subsequent disruption to one's regular and peaceful life. Rather, it is the existence of two opposing forces within the subject.

One asserts that if one is fond of the object of one's affections, one should manifest one's authentic sentiments. The other maintains that if one is enamored of the object of one's affections, one will experience further distress in the future.

It would be prudent to cease these actions and return to the previously established peaceful life. It is evident that the individual lacks the courage to depart from the current comfort zone, yet there is a longing to embrace the unknown.

This is why the individual is engaging in self-defeating behavior.

Until a decision is made, the situation will remain a source of distress and a drain on one's energy. Regardless of the choice made, once a decision is made, the distress and drain on energy will cease.

It is a fallacy to assume that all intimate relationships are uniformly positive. They encompass a range of emotional states, including hatred, love, bitterness, and sweetness.

This is why it is so difficult to relinquish the intimacy that has been established. The most optimal relationships are those that begin with a positive emotional state.

The sensation that simultaneously evokes pain and affection, rendering one unable to disengage, is the "love" that has commenced its growth within our hearts.

It is crucial to engage in continuous learning and personal growth, and love plays a pivotal role in this process. This approach enables individuals to flourish more rapidly in various aspects of life, particularly in the realm of intimacy.

It is acceptable to refrain from expressing one's feelings of love at this time. It may be beneficial to observe and assess the situation for a period before making such a declaration.

It is my hope that you will strive to achieve equilibrium in your personal growth, maintaining a forward trajectory while continuously refining and realigning your objectives.

The world and I love you. It is imperative that you love yourself as well.

Good morning, my name is Yu, and I'm a heart exploration coach. I'd like to discuss this topic with you if you're interested.

First, let's talk about intimacy. There is a phenomenon in psychology called the "mirroring effect" that can distort our perception of intimacy.

It can be helpful to remember that how we see ourselves is not necessarily how others see us. It's easy to confuse our own personal feelings with those of the other person, but it's important to recognize that our subjective interpretation of their feelings may come from within.

Our self-perception often influences how we interact with those close to us, leading us to believe that they share our views. As the questioner mentioned, I occasionally feel that the other person may have positive feelings towards me, but I also sense that they might be holding back.

It could be that we feel this way because we are somewhat resistant to intimacy. It may be that we have constructed our imagination of real-life relationships based on the emotions in our inner world. This could mean that we are looking for ways to find ourselves, which is to say, ways to get to know ourselves better.

Perhaps we could ask ourselves what our hearts truly desire. Could we consider taking the initiative to communicate with him?

If I were to reveal a little signal that I like him, what do you think the result would be? When we are clear about our needs, we can be guided to the right behavior.

You might consider finding some time to have an active exchange with him, listening to some of his feelings when spending time with you, and also listening to some of his expectations for the relationship. It's possible that communication could help you to release and channel your emotions, and also to understand him better and enhance your intimacy.

If I may, I would like to revisit the topic of emotions. It is my understanding that emotions are composed of unique subjective experiences, external manifestations, and physiological arousal. It is also my understanding that each emotion may be an unmet internal demand.

It is natural to feel a range of emotions when we experience certain life events. For instance, we may feel sadness when we miss the chance for a promotion or pay rise, or anger when we lose a treasured possession that we have had for many years.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what thoughts were going through my mind during the conversation with him and what emotions and feelings this prompted within me.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what needs we are trying to fulfill by not taking the initiative to send messages when we want to spend time with him. Similarly, it might be beneficial to reflect on what needs we are trying to fulfill by not showing our affection for him.

Could you please try to identify what it is about yourself that you want to satisfy by having a big fight? Similarly, could you please try to identify what it is about yourself that you want to satisfy by breaking off contact?

Perhaps we could also consider what the ideal self might be like, and what the ideal him might be like too.

Could you kindly shed some light on what the ideal kind of intimate relationship might be? If it is to become the ideal state, what do I need to do now?

It is not always necessary to view situations in terms of right and wrong. The world of adults is not an absolute black-and-white world. On occasion, seeking a compromise and allowing for some truth may help us gain a new perspective.

Emotions themselves are neither good nor bad. When we notice the emergence of negative emotions, we can learn to distract ourselves, try to shout "stop" at ourselves, take a deep breath, and do something else, such as listening to music, stretching, etc., to distract ourselves. Meditation and mindfulness are also very good ways to regulate our emotions.

We can try to reconcile with our emotions. When we feel internalized, we might consider recording what our feelings are at the moment. Your writing is for your own benefit, so please feel free to write about your feelings honestly and openly. This can help us understand the causes and effects of emotions and clarify the root of the problem.

Finally, it would be beneficial to love yourself. The questioner is aware of her emotions in time and has very clear values. Perhaps we could start by caring for ourselves, taking care of our bodies and our feelings.

If this situation is causing you distress, it might be helpful to seek support from someone you trust. This could be a family member or friend who has always been there for you, or a counselor. Talking through your feelings can help to release them and relieve the heaviness you're feeling.

Perhaps it would be beneficial for us to relax, go for a walk on the weekend, listen to the sound of frogs in the rice fields, smell the birdsong and flowers, and stay happy. After all, life is a cycle, and we have the power to tie and untie it.

You might find it helpful to read "Intimacy: Finding Your Soul Mate."

Hello!

Our intimate relationships often reflect the patterns of our inner relationships. The more we care about a relationship, the more likely we are to be afraid of losing it. This may be the norm for many people because we both long for relationships and fear being hurt by them.

It seems like the questioner's mention that he'd rather lose the relationship than pay too much attention to it or be more proactive is about the pursuit of control. If I can actively give up the relationship, it seems like I've taken the initiative and I'm still the winner in the relationship. But the truth may be that it could lead to the loss of the relationship—both people lose.

This drive for control can be seen as a symptom of "narcissism" in our psychology. It's driven by a fear of being frustrated and a fear of shame. Excessive control is used to maintain self-esteem and the feeling that you are good. This pattern may not only be repeated automatically in intimate relationships, but also in daily life.

While you may have gained control over your emotions and stability, as well as self-affirmation, you may have missed out on something you really wanted. You may even have retreated into fantasy, and thus become even more withdrawn from reality, because you are avoiding the inevitable failures in real life.

To deal with this kind of problem, you first need to be aware of your own patterns and examine reality. What really matters is the relationship or result you want, or the sense of "face" or "control" in the process. Then you have the courage to take risks. You may suffer setbacks, but you have tried.

This way of dealing with things helps you gain a new sense of accomplishment and self-identity.

Wishing you the best!

Hello!

You feel your personal growth has been delayed in your relationship with this boy. You're also conflicted because you don't know the other person's thoughts about you.

Fearing getting involved because you fear it will affect you is understandable, but it also reveals a selfish side to you in relationships.

Intimate relationships help us grow.

For example, talking to a loved one is a way to learn. You can't learn to communicate from a book. You have to practice. After getting close to someone, you can try to see the world from their point of view.

What's your problem?

Do you think the other person doesn't like you?

Do you think they'll think you're inferior if you tell them you like them?

Worried about time?

Your worries are about feeling insecure.

Maybe you were taught that

Men are unreliable. You have to rely on yourself.

A woman must value herself. You must become strong to be valuable.

We need each other. Being in a relationship doesn't make you less worthy. It gives you support and helps you be more courageous.

Ang Lee's wife supported him when he first started out.

A close relationship gives him support he can't get by studying alone.

Love is courageous. You have to be brave to choose someone and reject someone else.

There's no shame in liking someone. If you really like someone, keep talking about it. If there's no progress, it will lead to wild speculation.

If you get serious, you can grow together and rely on each other. Your lover can encourage you.

Good luck!

Dear question asker, I am Bai Li Yina, the answerer. I hope my reply provides some warmth and assistance.

The questioner revealed that she had a male acquaintance with whom she had been acquainted for two years. Initially, they had engaged in pleasant, non-romantic conversations. However, recently, she had noticed an increase in their communication, which had begun to impact her daily routine. Despite this, the other individual had not explicitly expressed a desire to advance the relationship. Consequently, the intensity of her feelings for him made her feel uneasy. She even contemplated terminating the relationship to avoid further emotional distress and to move on. She was reluctant to remain in a state of internal conflict and sought guidance on the best course of action.

[Situation analysis]

The questioner provided a comprehensive account of the process of getting to know the other person, as well as the transformation of their own state of mind, from initially having no interest in the other person to now expecting the other person's thoughts and sincerity. Over the course of two years, there was no initiative taken to contact the other person, and it was always a passive state, creating an impression of not caring about the other person. In the past, there was minimal interest in the other person, and a healthy lifestyle was maintained. However, since it became apparent that feelings of interest and care for the other person were inevitable, it seems that a return to the previous state of mind is not feasible. Let's examine the factors that have shaped this change.

You have described your relationship as "intimate," indicating that you view it as more than just friends, but not yet at the level of a romantic partnership. You have also noted that you and the other person are both introverted individuals who rarely initiate social contact. The other person is actively seeking topics to discuss with you, which has led you to perceive their affection. However, you have consistently kept your emotions hidden. How can the other person ascertain whether you reciprocate their feelings?

You appear to be hesitant to assume a more proactive role in your relationship. Whether it's maintaining contact or ending it, it's essential to allow the other person to take the initiative. Is this a long-standing tendency? If you also exhibit a similar passive approach in other relationships, it's a consistent pattern. If you don't treat other relationships in this manner, it's crucial to examine why you've chosen to be passive with him from the outset. What are your reasons for not taking the initiative to accelerate the development of this relationship?

What is your desired trajectory for this relationship? I am unaware of your previous experiences in romantic relationships, but your increasing concern about him and your tendency to pay attention to him indicate that you are becoming more invested in the relationship. When you think of him, you feel a positive inclination towards him, which can lead to feelings of worry and insecurity. When he engages in communication with you, you may unconsciously feel happy and have expectations for him.

It is possible that you are not yet accustomed to the sensation of liking someone, which may lead you to perceive this emotion as a futile expenditure of energy.

To alleviate your concerns, it would be advisable to either clarify the nature of the relationship or to inquire directly and promptly about their feelings, the reason for their frequent communication, and their intentions. Frequently speculating without confirming and engaging in repetitive conjecture on a single issue, while unable to act on the desired inquiry, is a significant source of internal conflict.

You have considered the situation and determined that it is acceptable to lose contact with the other person. While there is no emotional attachment at this stage, you can ask all the questions you need to ask and gain clarity. The worst-case scenario is that the other person cuts off contact. You are prepared for this and have accepted the possibility of moving on. There is no reason to be afraid. Once you have asked all the necessary questions, you and the other person can either take the next step and start a close relationship or end the contact. You will not have to waste any more time, and you can move on from the sadness and focus on your healthy life.

If you feel that you cannot implement the aforementioned suggestions, it would be beneficial to consider the underlying reasons, identify your genuine concerns, and assess your level of attraction to the other individual. It is possible to achieve a balance between love and life, but it is challenging for a single party to do so. Intimacy in an intimate relationship can be defined as the state of being in close, personal contact, maintaining open communication, and sharing a deep level of understanding. It is essential for both individuals to contribute equally to this process.

It is a common misconception that two people are destined to be perfect for each other. In reality, we all need to undergo numerous periods of adjustment to become more suitable for each other. Therefore, it is important to take the initiative and take the first step. The result may be what you expect, and it is up to you to decide what that result should be. Just believe in yourself.

It is my hope that the aforementioned methods will prove beneficial to you.

Please be aware that change takes time and patience. There is no need to worry or be afraid. Many people are experiencing or have experienced similar problems.

I am here to support you. You are not alone. I wish you the best in finding a solution to the challenges you are facing and in achieving your personal goals.

I would like to express my gratitude to those who have liked and responded to my messages. I wish you peace and joy.

Hello, questioner! I understand.

In intimate relationships, we often worry about what the other person thinks and sacrifice our personal growth to maintain the relationship. But remember, a healthy relationship is about mutual support and growth.

You're aware of the conflict and want to change it. That's a good start.

Next, let's look at the situation together. From your description, I can see that you're confused and conflicted.

You feel the other person has positive feelings for you, but you're worried. This uncertainty makes you feel anxious and drained.

You know that focusing too much on the other person means you'll neglect your own growth.

Your expectations for the relationship may be causing this conflict. When we have high expectations, we pay too much attention to what the other person says and does.

However, this often leads us to ignore our own needs and even sacrifice our personal growth.

To reduce this conflict, I'll give you some advice. First, adjust your mindset.

Don't expect the other person to act the way you want them to. Understand that everyone is different.

We can respect each other and stay independent.

Next, communicate well. Communication is important in a relationship.

Talk to each other and listen to each other.

Communication helps you get to know each other better and build a deeper connection.

Also, don't always be together. Give each other space.

Use this time to do things you like and improve your abilities and interests. This will make you more independent and confident, and it will also improve your relationship.

Two people fell in love and spent every day together.

However, they grew apart. They started arguing and even wanted to break up.

They gave each other space to live, study, and work on their own.

They became more independent and confident. When they met again, they realized their feelings for each other had grown.

They know how to balance independence and dependence.

You can find your own way to balance. Don't be afraid to face problems.

You are an independent person with the right to pursue happiness and growth. You deserve love and respect.

To reduce internal friction in intimate relationships, adjust your mindset, communicate healthily, maintain personal space and time, and become independent and confident.

I hope these tips help. I hope you find happiness and growth in the future.

Good luck!

Hello! It's perfectly normal to have concerns about whether the other person likes you and cares about what you think in an intimate relationship. Many people experience this, particularly in the early stages of a relationship or when the relationship is still developing.

However, it is possible that focusing too much on the other person, being overly concerned about their feelings, and constantly second-guessing their actions might inadvertently cause internal conflict.

From what you've shared, it seems that you've experienced some hesitation in the early stages of this relationship. It's understandable to feel concerned about losing yourself in an intimate relationship and being hurt. It's also natural to have reservations about the future of the relationship.

Have you ever considered why you might be hesitant to express your feelings for him? It's possible that you might feel like doing so could make you seem inferior to the other person. Alternatively, you might worry that if you do express your feelings, it could make you seem passive and lose the initiative in the relationship. And of course, there's always the risk of getting hurt if you actively deepen the relationship but the other person isn't sincere.

Perhaps you have always been on the surface of the relationship, without a deep understanding of each other. It's possible that you have a lot of self-conceptions and worries, which could be a way of defending against the relationship.

Your upbringing may have played a role in shaping your current approach to intimate relationships. Past experiences, such as a challenging marriage or a history of rejection and blame from your parents, could have influenced your confidence in forming relationships, leading you to be cautious about entering into one for fear of not being liked.

This brings to mind the attachment concept put forth by psychologist Bowlby, which encompasses the avoidant attachment pattern. Individuals who exhibit avoidant attachment patterns may have doubts about whether others truly love them, may be afraid of being hurt if they become too close, and may also be hesitant to express their emotions due to a fear of separation.

They may come across as aloof and may not know how to love someone.

Then, you may become aware of yourself and why you are so afraid of relationships. It may be helpful to find the reason, try to break away from the reaction to traumatic experiences in the past, and not let your heart be overwhelmed by past traumas. It might be beneficial to start from the real situation in the present, see the other person's true existence, and not live in your own worries and assumptions. (It may be helpful to have enough patience and courage.)

If you are interested in developing an intimate relationship, it may be helpful to consider being open to exploring the relationship deeply, addressing any underlying fears, developing your emotional capacity and the ability to love, and even if you experience hurt, to try and embrace the potential for love. It can be beneficial to ensure that you are not inadvertently shutting the other person out of your life due to fear. This process can be challenging, so it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a counselor if possible.

Failure and frustration are also valuable life experiences. Love experiences are also accumulated through continuous trial and error. Without these experiences, it can be challenging to fully understand what you truly want and what kind of person is right for you.

I would like to suggest the book What Are You Afraid Of? as a recommended read.