How can you not be a clown when you are always busy with yourself?

Hello, I'm Li Di, and I'm grateful for this opportunity to speak with you.

Yesterday was Mother's Day. Despite being pregnant and unemployed, you wanted to surprise your mother and did a lot of preparation in advance, including choosing a florist, booking a time, and following up on the order. This shows that you care about and love your mother. However, due to an unfortunate misunderstanding and a lack of communication from the merchant, the gift was not delivered on time, which made you feel terrible.

At the same time, your mother's attitude also makes you feel neglected and misunderstood. You may feel your loss and frustration, and even self-doubt about yourself. And because this incident has triggered even more negative emotions in us, we feel like clowns. We empathize with you and give you a hug. In fact, she is just a girl who needs to be seen by her mother, especially because the current role transition of becoming a mother is putting some pressure on her and she longs for support.

From your strong emotional conflict and internal struggle, it seems that you have a number of expectations for Mother's Day, some disappointment in the merchants, and a sense of dissatisfaction with your mother. This is a complex emotional experience. We can analyze this complex emotional experience together from multiple psychological aspects involving emotional identification, sense of trust, sense of self-worth, and interpersonal interaction, which may help us better understand ourselves.

Firstly, there is the issue of emotional identification. It would seem that your expectations of Mother's Day stem from your deep feelings for your mother and your desire to express those feelings.

When our efforts do not receive the expected response, we may experience feelings of hurt and disappointment. This lack of emotional recognition could potentially lead us to question our self-worth and feel like we are not being taken seriously, as though our act of expressing love has not received the recognition and response it deserves.

Secondly, there is the issue of trust. Due to this unfortunate occurrence, your trust in businesses has been somewhat shaken, which has led to feelings of frustration and disappointment.

Trust is fundamental to interpersonal relationships. When it is damaged, it can lead to a range of negative emotions, including feelings of betrayal and doubt about one's own judgment.

It would seem that there is also an issue of self-worth. You appear to be dissatisfied with your actions and decisions, feeling that you could have been better prepared or that you did not adequately stand up for your position.

This self-criticism may result in a decline in self-worth, a feeling that you are not as capable as you would like to be, and you may find yourself in a challenging situation where you question your abilities.

Finally, it is also important to consider the role of interpersonal interactions in this situation. It seems that there may be some underlying tension in your relationship with your mother, which could potentially be attributed to differences in values and expectations.

It would be ideal if your mother could understand and support you, but the reality falls short of your expectations, which can make you feel lonely and helpless.

We can then discuss these questions together to explore ways to relieve emotions or solve problems. We hope this is helpful.

It is important to accept your emotions. Give yourself time to feel disappointment and pain without repressing or denying these emotions. Emotions are a true reflection of our inner world, and accepting them helps us to better understand ourselves.

☆Self-reflection: Take some time to think about what you have learned from this experience, how you might avoid similar situations in the future, and how you can better safeguard your rights and dignity. For example, when ordering a gift, it might be helpful to reconfirm the time and delivery address to ensure that everything goes smoothly.

It would also be advisable to learn how to protect your own rights and interests. Should a problem arise with a merchant, it would be helpful to communicate promptly and seek a solution.

It may be helpful to consider establishing boundaries with others, whether in business or in personal relationships. Being clear about your needs and expectations can help you avoid investing too much of yourself or giving up your own interests.

It may be helpful to seek support from a friend or family member, or to speak with a counselor. They can provide guidance and advice.

It is also important to practice self-care and take time for yourself. Try doing things you enjoy to help you relax and feel happy, which will in turn help you to rebuild your confidence and positive mindset.

It can be helpful to try to understand the underlying needs that may be causing the emotions we're experiencing. We can ask ourselves questions like "Why am I feeling this way?" or "Why do I feel like I'm acting like a clown?" and then write down the answers. This can help us gain self-awareness, identify our needs, and work towards satisfying them. This process is also an expression of self-love.

Everyone experiences setbacks and difficulties, and this is part of our growth. It is important to remember that we don't have to feel ashamed or blame ourselves for it.

On the other hand, if we consider it from a different perspective, we can view it as an opportunity to learn and grow, and to enhance our psychological resilience. You are on the path to becoming a mother, and you may encounter a range of emotions in the future. It is important to learn to love yourself, accept yourself, affirm yourself, and give yourself more understanding and support. Your baby will also benefit from this. I hug you again and say, "Come on!"

I hope my answer is helpful. I wish you all the best, and I'm sending you lots of love! *^O^*

Dear question asker,

After reading your description, I empathize with you and understand your inner grievances and expectations. At the same time, I recognize there may be more loss. I want to give you a warm hug.

You mentioned some unfortunate events that occurred during the phone call, such as the delivery of flowers to your mother on Mother's Day being delayed due to the shop being too busy to deliver them, and your mother refusing to accept the flowers after Mother's Day had passed. These events made you feel unhappy. At the same time, you thought about how your parents had not shown you true love during your pregnancy, but you had always cared for them and thought of them, which made you feel very tired and aggrieved. Is this correct?

It might be the case that your mother would feel uncomfortable if you refused to see her after Mother's Day. At the same time, she might think that your parents did not give you real love during your pregnancy. However, you always have them in your heart and always think of them, which might make you feel very tired and aggrieved. Is that right?

From your description, I want to reassure you that it's not your fault. It's just that you're very kind and always think of others. It's also possible that you didn't receive enough care from your family of origin, so you're always trying to please them and hope that they will see you. But when you've done so much and they still don't, it can make you feel a bit lost.

After reading this reply, I hope you can love yourself more. I also understand that the lack of love in your original family may have caused you to seek the love of your parents and made you very filial. However, darling, only if you love and respect yourself can we gain the ability to love and be loved by others.

You often do a lot, but you are not recognized or seen, so you often feel lost and uncomfortable. In addition to respecting your own feelings at this moment, it would be beneficial for you to learn to express your emotions. This is a way to express your feelings without emotions.

For example, after the florist has finished delivering, it is indeed their responsibility, and they should bear some responsibility. You might consider being a bit more assertive. You have communicated with them in advance to make a reservation, and they have not done it, so they have violated some rules. You could politely ask for compensation or double compensation.

If you feel uncomfortable with this kind of behavior from your mother, you might consider telling her that every day is Mother's Day, and this is your way of showing her that you're thinking of her. Because I had trouble moving during my pregnancy, I thought of calling her, etc. etc. You might also want to tell her that you feel very uncomfortable with this kind of behavior, and you hope she can see you and see how much you care about her.

If I might make one more suggestion, I think it's important to remember that now that you're pregnant, it's crucial to prioritize your own well-being, self-care, and emotional balance. It's natural to feel disappointed or tired at times, but it's also important to recognize when it's time to take a step back and do something that brings joy and happiness, not just for ourselves but also for the baby.

Hello! I really understand how you feel, and I'm here to help! The experience of sending flowers for Mother's Day has left you feeling frustrated and disappointed, but I can help you turn this around!

You've already faced so many challenges during your pregnancy and job search! This unfortunate experience has added some unnecessary distress, but I'm here to offer you some comfort and cheer you up.

You have always cared for and loved your mother, and you want to give her a special gift for Mother's Day! This filial piety is really touching!

Booking the bouquet more than a week in advance shows how thoughtful and considerate you are! While the merchant's negligence and delivery problems have made your otherwise wonderful plan a bit more complicated, you've still managed to make it work.

This is a bit of a challenge, especially during a special period like pregnancy when you need more care and attention.

When you heard the delivery man say, "The aunt and uncle refused to accept it," you could imagine how disappointed and sad you felt. You had hoped that your mother would be thrilled to accept the gift, but the result was the opposite of what you had hoped for.

I can totally feel your disappointment and frustration.

You also mentioned communication difficulties with your mother. But don't worry! During pregnancy, a special period that requires the company and care of family members, some of your mother's words and deeds may make you feel that you are not understood or supported.

This has caused you a lot of stress and distress, leaving you feeling helpless and lonely. But you're strong! You can get through this. Anyone in your situation would find it hard to bear, but you're not anyone in your situation. You're stronger than that!

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Despite all the unpleasantness, you have remained strong and optimistic! Instead of confronting the merchant, you have chosen to be tolerant and understanding.

This generosity and kindness is truly admirable! At the same time, you begin to reflect on your own actions and expectations, which is a very important growth process—and an exciting one!

Absolutely!

I'm so excited for you! I really hope you can pay more attention to your feelings and needs and take care of yourself in the days to come. Especially during pregnancy and the period of waiting for a job, it's so important to pay more attention to your physical and mental health.

At the same time, you can also try to strengthen communication and exchanges with your mother, so that she can better understand your thoughts and feelings. The great news is that communication and understanding are the key to solving problems! I believe that as long as both parties can be honest with each other, they will be able to resolve misunderstandings and conflicts.

Absolutely!

I've got some great advice for you! It'll help you handle your relationship with your mother and similar situations like a pro. First, try to put yourself in her shoes and understand her feelings and position.

Your mother may have her own concerns and thoughts, and her reactions and behaviors may simply be out of her love and concern for you. The good news is that by putting yourself in her shoes, you can gain a new perspective and find a better way to communicate!

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Second, find an appropriate time to sit down and have an in-depth conversation with your mother. This is your chance to calmly express your feelings and thoughts, and tell her your original intention of giving her flowers on Mother's Day and your disappointment at her refusal.

Also, ask her to share her feelings and thoughts! Such conversations will help you understand each other better and improve your relationship.

Remember, communication is the key to solving problems!

It's also a great idea to learn to set personal boundaries! Get to know your own needs and feelings in your interactions with your mother and learn to express them.

If something makes you feel uncomfortable or hurts, please speak up! Setting personal boundaries is a great way to protect your emotions and keep your cool.

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And finally, believe in your own value! You are a caring and responsible person, and your efforts and hard work are worthy of being seen and valued.

No matter how others react, your value will not change! Cherish every sincere effort you make and believe in your abilities and value.

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I would also like to remind you not to be too hard on yourself. You've got this! Pregnancy and the period of waiting for employment is a challenging time in itself, and you need more care and attention.

Give yourself some time and space to rest and relax. You've got this! Don't be too hard on yourself, and trust that you can get through this difficult time.

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And there's more! If you're feeling down or anxious, try some relaxation techniques to help you feel better. For example, listen to music, go for a walk, or do yoga.

These amazing methods will help you relax, reduce stress, and keep a positive attitude!

And finally, I want to say it again: I care about you, and I support you! Every effort and sincere dedication on your part is worthy of being valued and affirmed.

Believe in yourself! We're here for you, ready to support and assist you in facing and solving any problem. May every day be full of sunshine and warmth for you!

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Dear questioner, I get it. You planned and prepared in advance to give your mother a special Mother's Day gift, but it didn't turn out the way you hoped.

You feel lost and confused, and you may even feel like a clown, but I promise you, you are definitely not.

You're a thoughtful and considerate person, and your efforts and hard work are worth being seen and appreciated. In the process, you've shown your deep love for your mother and your pursuit of perfection, which is valuable and commendable in itself.

First, let's look at a few key points in this experience. You spoke with the merchant in advance, hoping to have the bouquet delivered before Mother's Day, but the merchant may have forgotten due to being busy or other reasons.

You tried to work it out with the delivery person, hoping they'd get the flowers to your mother as soon as possible. But it seems like there was a misunderstanding about the agreement between you and the merchant. In the end, your mother refused to accept the flowers because they were a day late, which made you feel pretty lost and helpless.

You've shown a lot of responsibility and problem-solving skills, but you've also been under a lot of stress. You've focused too much on other people's feelings and needs and not enough on your own.

This has led to some self-doubt and frustration after your hard work hasn't been recognized the way you felt it should be.

However, I want you to know that you're not alone and that you shouldn't feel guilty or depressed about it. You're a great person, and your dedication and hard work are worthy of respect and gratitude.

Now, let's look at how you can adjust your mindset so that you can turn this experience into an opportunity for growth.

First, I suggest you learn to let go of your obsession with and expectations of results. We can't control how others act or react, but we can control how we act and react.

When you stop worrying so much about the result, you'll feel more relaxed and comfortable. You can tell yourself, "I've done my best, and no matter what happens, I deserve to be respected and loved."

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Secondly, I suggest you learn to express your emotions and needs. Communication is really important in relationships.

You might want to try talking to your family members and telling them how you feel. For instance, you could tell your mother about how much effort you put into preparing this gift and hope that she can understand and accept it.

You can also let the merchant know that you're not happy and ask for a fair solution.

I also suggest you learn to pay attention to your own emotions and needs. While you're giving and caring for others, don't forget to pay attention to your own inner feelings and needs.

Try setting aside some time every day to do something that makes you happy and content. You could read a favorite book, listen to some favorite music, or do some exercise that makes you feel comfortable and relaxed.

Finally, I want to tell you that everyone has their own value and meaning. Your dedication and hard work are unique and precious, and nobody should deny or belittle them.

Believe in yourself, pay attention to yourself, and love yourself. You deserve a better and happier life.

In short, I hope you can let go of the burden and distress in your heart, and face the challenges and difficulties of life with courage. Every effort you make is an opportunity to grow, and every contribution you make will make you stronger and more confident.

I hope you have a better and happier life.

Hello, question asker!

Hearing your account, I feel really excited to help you!

You haven't been valued by the merchant, but you've always trusted him. You've even delivered at the wrong time! And your own mother doesn't understand you. She rejects it outright, wasting your good intentions. But you've been preparing it for a long time, and it'll all be worth it in the end!

Your mother lives by her own logic, and that's a good thing! She's quite self-centered, and that's okay too.

You mentioned that she is bossy and only cares about the result, without considering whether she is causing trouble to others.

She's thinking more about herself, and in this mode of getting along with each other, you've developed a pattern of always considering others, considering the merchant as just ordinary business, and considering whether your mother is happy.

And you taught her to behave in this way!

When you can really rebel against her and express your feelings, such as wanting her genuine concern instead of accusations against the in-laws, then you are being true to yourself! She also knows that it is inappropriate to say this.

Some mothers will be thrilled to receive a late gift! It's a wonderful token of their daughter's affection and shows that she's thinking of them. Of course, it's best to give it on the same day, but if it's a day late by mistake, no worries!

Your mother may have other ideas! She might think you can return it after the time has passed to avoid wasting money. You can talk to her about her true thoughts!

People suffer because there is a gap between their expectations and reality. You expect your mother to truly care about you, and you can! You can help her become a more mature person by encouraging her to take responsibility for her own actions. She may tend to shift the blame onto others, the doctor, your in-laws, etc., but you can help her see that this is not the way to go. She is not a mature person, and it is indeed difficult to expect her to change, but you can help her become the person you know she can be!

If you want to feel free and happy, you need to express your true feelings and say what you really expect. Even if others can't meet your expectations, you will feel so much better after expressing your needs!

This time, you could have also expressed your wish that she would accept the flowers! After all, they are a token of your affection, and there were indeed problems with the communication with the store. You still care about your mother, and it's enough that she knows your heart!

Not every "sorry" can be exchanged for "okay," and not every "I love you" can be exchanged for "I love you too."

You are pregnant now, so try to stay emotionally stable. After all, it is difficult to change her, but you can absolutely change the way you look at this matter!

This also allows you to recognize that your mother is just the way she is, and that's okay!

Hello!

From reading your full description of the situation, I can see that you're very organised and self-aware.

Since I was pregnant and at home, I thought it would be a great idea to give my mother a surprise while also being economical.

But the process didn't go as smoothly as we'd hoped. The end result isn't perfect, and it's made you feel a bit aggrieved and sad.

I'll give you a warm hug from afar.

"Writing this isn't about having expectations of her. It's more that I see my own patterns are still there."

Yes, you have a very good understanding of yourself here. It's that your patterns are still there.

So you need to identify some of the automatic patterns in your life and then change them.

The reason you haven't looked closely at some of your patterns is that, yes, we actually have a lot of automated life patterns. We need to find them one by one, bit by bit.

"And I always feel like I'm doing a bad job at everything the first time." This is one of your patterns.

We just need to adjust our mindset and realize that feeling inadequate is something we can work on.

The flowers for Mother's Day are already looking great. Sometimes, though, other factors are beyond our control.

Don't blame yourself for anything that isn't perfect. We need to stop being so hard on ourselves, appreciate ourselves, and love ourselves on our own terms.

We need to recognize the good things we've already done. We planned this a long time in advance.

And don't forget to negotiate with the merchant.

In our relationships with our parents, what do we need to see for ourselves? We need our parents to love, care for, understand, and support us.

Be open and honest about what you need and communicate it clearly.

During pregnancy, what we need most is love and care from our loved ones, especially when we have some minor conditions.

I'm really hoping to get some love and support from my mum during this time.

"Just because I'm writing this doesn't mean I'm expecting anything from her." It's normal to have expectations of your mother.

We can definitely lower this expectation. It's not easy to truly have no expectations.

We need to acknowledge this expectation. Whether a mother can meet this expectation or whether we can see this expectation is a separate issue.

We need to recognize that we have this expectation and adjust our expectations for our mothers accordingly.

Best wishes to you and your baby. You and your baby deserve the best.

You're getting all the love in the universe right now.

1. What might have caused this emotional impact?

It's understandable that the strong emotional impact you felt during this Mother's Day flower incident was not just due to a seemingly trivial matter. There are complex psychological factors and long-term emotional patterns behind this impact, which may be worth exploring further.

First, you had set your expectations quite high for this flower delivery. You were hoping that your mother would be happy and satisfied with this gift, and you also hoped to express your care and gratitude for her in this way.

However, when this expectation is not met, you feel a sense of loss and frustration.

Secondly, you may have felt like you were playing the role of a "clown" in this situation. You had made an advance reservation for the flowers, communicated with the merchant, and guided the courier to the correct address, but unfortunately, your mother rejected them due to some uncontrollable factors.

This lack of reciprocity in your efforts may lead to feelings of being laughed at and made fun of.

Finally, the communication barriers and cognitive differences between you and your mother are also an important factor in how this situation has affected you emotionally. You hope that your mother can understand your intentions and considerations, but your mother seems to be more focused on the results and the form.

This difference can lead to feelings of helplessness and frustration, as well as a sense of questioning one's position and value in the mother-daughter relationship.

2. Potential issues with your mother

It seems that the difficulties between you and your mother are mainly reflected in the following areas:

Communication Barriers: There are times when communication between you is not as smooth as it could be, and misunderstandings and conflicts are not uncommon. You want your mother to understand your intentions and considerations, but she is more concerned with results and form.

These differences have unfortunately resulted in a lack of consensus and understanding on many issues.

It might be helpful to recognize that we all have different views and perceptions of many things. For example, in the flower incident, you may have paid more attention to the thought and process, while your mother may have paid more attention to the result and form.

These differences can make it challenging to reach a consensus and understand each other when dealing with problems.

It seems that you feel emotionally detached from your mother. During the special period of pregnancy, you may have needed your mother's care and support, but it seems that she has not been able to give you enough attention and care.

This lack of connection can make you feel isolated and unsure of how to navigate the situation.

3. How to positively and constructively approach the mother-daughter relationship in the future

You might like to consider the following as a way of improving the relationship with your mother:

It would be beneficial to strengthen communication by taking the initiative to communicate with your mother in depth and letting her know your inner thoughts and feelings. At the same time, you may wish to learn to listen to your mother's thoughts and views, and respect each other's differences and choices.

It is thought that communication can play a role in enhancing mutual understanding and trust.

It might be helpful to adjust your perception and try to understand the problem from your mother's perspective, taking into account her worries and concerns. At the same time, it's important to maintain your own independent thinking and judgment, and not be swayed by your mother's thoughts.

By adjusting your perceptions, you may find that misunderstandings and conflicts are reduced.

It would be beneficial to enhance the emotional connection between you and your mother. One way to do this is by paying more attention to her physical and mental health in your daily lives. It is also important to give her enough attention and support. At the same time, you should learn to express your emotions and needs, and let your mother know your inner needs and expectations.

It may be helpful to consider ways of strengthening the emotional bond between mother and daughter, as a means of fostering closeness and trust.

If you feel you would benefit from some additional support in navigating your relationship with your mother, you might consider seeking the guidance of a professional counselor. They can assist you in gaining a deeper understanding of the challenges you and your mother are facing and provide tailored solutions and guidance.

In short, improving the relationship with your mother requires effort and commitment from both sides. By strengthening communication, adjusting perceptions, enhancing emotional connections, and seeking professional help, you can gradually eliminate misunderstandings and build a healthier and closer relationship with your mother.