How do I deal with the habit of shouting and losing control over small things with my partner?

Hello!

First of all, congratulations on finding a husband who can hold his own in the kitchen and earn money! As you said, you have known each other for five years and been married for four years. You have lived like a princess for a long time, and it seems that this carefree life was only broken in the past year. From your description, it can be seen that the foundation of your relationship is very good, and the man is willing to give and spoil his wife a bit, which is naturally related to your being particularly good in some ways.

At this stage, your relationship is balanced, and your excellence has made him willing to contribute, and he is able to do so at the moment, which is great!

Secondly, over the past year, your husband has been working hard and has earned more money. He has also moved to a bigger house, which means that he has contributed more to the family. Earning more means giving more, having a mortgage means more pressure, and giving more and having more pressure naturally takes up more time.

I can see why you feel like he isn't being as good to you as he could be. If he has less time and still has to do the laundry, it's no wonder he's feeling the pressure!

I can see that your relationship has gradually become a bit unbalanced. This is probably because you haven't changed much, but he has done more.

I can see that your bad temper comes from the pressure of the mortgage, from his lack of understanding, and from his meddling in the renovation when he doesn't know anything about it. Have you ever thought about looking at the problems from a different perspective?

I can imagine that from your husband's perspective, the pressure to repay the loan is just as great. It's so important to understand whether he feels you know how to decorate, whether he should listen to you, and whether your ideas are correct. These are also things that trouble him. When you have a conflict, it ends with your husband admitting fault, but is it really his fault every time?

It's not very likely, statistically speaking. If I'm right, it just means you might not understand your husband as well as you think.

This will make things even more unbalanced in your relationship, which I'm sure you'd like to avoid.

Finally, in a marriage, there is one approach that has been proven to be ineffective, and that is to change the other person. If the other person says they will change but doesn't, it's not because they're not keeping their word, but because at the time they were just avoiding further conflict. We've all been there!

He's committed to earning a living and taking care of the household chores when his schedule allows.

Marriage is all about mutual tolerance and understanding, and it takes two to make it work! Your husband is doing a great job of making the family happy by working hard to provide for you, compromising, and taking care of the housework. You're also doing a wonderful thing by being open to talking through your problems and seeking help when you need it. It's a true team effort!

I wish you all the best for the future!

Hello!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe learning is the key to growth.

From what you've told me, I can see you're feeling disappointed, dissatisfied, angry, hurt, and helpless.

I'm not going to get into the nitty-gritty of your issues with your partner, but I do have three pieces of advice for you to think about:

First of all, I hope you understand that in an intimate relationship, whoever is suffering more changes first.

You're here for help, which shows you're more distressed. It's likely he'll change after you've changed (partners influence each other). It's easier for you to change first.

You might think, "It's obviously his problem, so why should I change first?" or "What's the point if I change first and he doesn't change?"

It's normal to think this way, but what I want to tell you is that you change first, not for a definite answer, but to explore a new possibility for your relationship. Otherwise, things will stay the same, and I don't think that's what you want.

Secondly, I suggest you communicate with him openly and honestly.

If you're going to change first, you've got to start by communicating with him sincerely.

The goal of the communication is to let him know your honest thoughts.

When you talk to him, it's important to pay attention to the way you approach things. Try to stay calm, control your emotions, use the "I" word more often, talk about your feelings, and communicate with him sincerely. If you can't control your emotions, it'll be hard for him to respond to you properly.

Also, when you talk to him, try to see things from his point of view. This will help him understand what you're saying.

You say he doesn't know anything about home improvement and always interferes. Is it possible he wants to help you with something, or that he feels it's his home too and wants to participate a little to feel like the "master of the house"? You say he doesn't care about you as much as he used to, and you're under a lot of pressure. Is it possible he's also under a lot of pressure and doesn't have as much time or energy to care about you? You also say you can't control your emotions. Is it possible he's also afraid of saying the wrong thing and making you unhappy, so he communicates less with you, and you interpret this as him caring less about you? Of course, saying this isn't making excuses for his not doing a good enough job, but I just hope you can put yourself in his shoes for a moment to facilitate communication between you.

Also, when you talk to him, it's best to be clear about what you need. That way, he'll know what to change. Otherwise, he'll feel like he's doing everything wrong.

Once you've had that honest conversation, he'll probably change because he'll know how you really feel and what will make you happy. Plus, your calmness shows him you care about him.

It's also important to understand that in order to hope that your partner will change, you need to recognize him first. When you recognize and affirm your partner and show them that you care about them, they'll feel your love for them and be more willing to change because they're loved. Think about it: if you always negate and criticize your partner, they may lose the desire to change because no one wants to be blamed and negated.

I'd suggest you prepare yourself for the fact that he won't change, and then try to lower your expectations. While you're taking care of your own life, you can also become a better person.

After you talk to him, he might not change right away. Some habits take time to change, and there might be things he can't do immediately. In that case, you have to give him some time. Change is a process, not something that happens overnight.

It's also worth checking whether you're asking too much of him. It might be that he's trying his best but just can't do what you're asking. It's also worth considering whether you're idealising him. After all, no one's perfect.

As you mentioned in your description, you tend to compare yourself to others, and he handles all the laundry, cooking, and earning money. It's possible that he can't meet all your needs all the time, so you might want to consider lowering your expectations of him.

When you stop expecting him to change, he may change instead. It might sound a bit strange, but it's true. Change is based on allowing no change.

Even if he doesn't change, you can still focus on the positive aspects of your relationship. Loving someone means accepting them for who they are.

Once you stop expecting him to change, it won't have as much of an impact on you. In fact, it might not even have any impact at all. That's because, without expectations, there's no harm done. And your emotions will slowly improve. When you're in a good mood, you can focus on doing your own thing and making yourself better. You'll find that your state of mind will change, which will in turn affect his emotions, and your life will enter a positive cycle.

I hope this helps. If you want to talk more, just click on "Find a coach for an online conversation" at the bottom and we can chat one-on-one.

Hello, host! I'm so excited to have been invited to answer!

The great thing is, you get to decide what to do next!

I believe that most people have an innate desire to see "the other person change for me." It's a natural instinct to want someone to change to satisfy our own wishes and needs.

The root cause of your yelling, crying, and tantrums is that you have been insisting that he change his behavior and treat you like he did in the early days of your relationship. But after insisting for so long without achieving your goal, you have reacted emotionally and responded with behavior. This is a great opportunity to learn and grow! The frustration of not being able to achieve a goal, and repeatedly failing to achieve it, of course triggers extremely strong anger. Have you noticed: the harder you try, the further you get from your goal? This is a chance to try something new!

So, let's interpret all this as "it has been proven that the goal of unilaterally demanding that the other person change him/herself to suit my needs according to my wishes is difficult to achieve"!

Here's another way to prove this point! Ask him how he feels about the changes in you from the beginning of the relationship to the present. Then, review the way you have presented yourself to him from the beginning of the relationship to the present. See if you're as surprised as I was to find that you're not as affectionate towards him as you were in the relationship! You might even doubt which one is really the real you!

Then, in the course of your arguments, is he also doing the same thing to you, hoping that you will change for him and act according to his wishes and needs?

In a marriage, this relationship pattern is also called "power struggle" — and it's a powerful one! Demanding that the other person act according to your wishes is to deprive the other person of their autonomy. And human nature is inherently the pursuit of freedom — the so-called free will, simply and roughly understood, is to want a life where you call the shots.

The more a person is forced by others and the more freedom they are deprived of, the more they want to fight for their power and return to freedom. This is why you can't give in to each other and the dispute escalates — it's a fascinating phenomenon!

He may say he'll do what you want, but he doesn't really do it. This can be interpreted as "the body is the most honest": even if he is determined to change for you, subconsciously he still wants to defend his freedom. It's like being under a spell. Similarly, have you also made countless resolutions to control your emotions, but in the end you can't help yourself?

So, this battle for power is like a spiral-upward-escalating-to-a-dead-end-loop, but it's also an opportunity for growth and change!

So my advice is to give up this goal, to give up immediately and instantly. But again, just like when you and he lose your temper, the new goal of just "giving up the goal" will also encounter a journey of "not being able to help yourself" – I can't help it! But that's OK! It's all part of the journey.

And let's not forget the new goal of improving the relationship! This change is definitely not something that can be accomplished overnight, but it's so worth it. It requires careful psychological construction and self-growth, but it'll all be worth it in the end!

What should I do? I think the best way is to give yourself and your partner time and space to slowly improve the relationship. You can also learn psychology together and make progress together in practice. It's cheaper, but self-exploration is quite time-consuming. You can also seek help from a professional counselor together. It's quite expensive and time-consuming, but it will be much more efficient than self-exploration.

Tomorrow, I'll be back with more tips on how you can improve your relationships through self-study and practice!

There's still more to come!

The world and I love you!

Hello, dear questioner!

Hug you from across the screen!

It's only natural that two people who were once madly in love will face a few hiccups along the way.

I absolutely love your proactive approach to finding a solution!

I'd be thrilled to add some more for you! I really hope it helps.

1. Try to see the emotional needs of both people. It's so important!

In fact, when two people who love each other argue, it's because they're both trying to communicate their emotional needs!

You want to be understood and loved!

Just communicate in this way!

You argue because you feel aggrieved, and that's okay!

Once we've had an argument, we know that our needs haven't been met. So, let's find out what your husband's unmet needs are!

If he argues with you, it's because he has unspoken grievances. And that's totally normal!

For example, you hope that you can also understand him, or he is saying to you, "I'm not saying that I don't care about you, I'm just busy with a lot of things," etc.

Or, to express to you that you don't need to be so stressed, that I'm here for you!

2. Let's break this cycle!

"We have lots of lively discussions, and at the beginning of each one, we take a moment to calm down and discuss what to do next. He always says that I'm absolutely right and that he'll definitely change, but then he doesn't always follow through. And then it's back to the drawing board! Now, whenever I see him do anything, I'm excited to share my thoughts and engage in a lively debate if something doesn't go my way."

Take a moment to see if the communication between the two of you has fallen into this kind of cycle that neither of you likes. You can change it!

The great news is that change can already happen as soon as we become aware of it!

It's perfectly normal for couples to argue!

We usually save our temper for the people we love!

Let's try expressing it differently! For example, instead of saying "I am angry with you," we could say "I feel frustrated with you." Instead of "I am dissatisfied with you," we could say "I feel like we could be more on the same page." Instead of "I feel that you don't understand me," we could say "I'd love to hear your thoughts on this." And instead of "I am always taking care of the family," we could say "I'm so grateful to be able to take care of my family."

A cycle is a situation in which a person's behavior is stimulated by another person.

This is something that many couples often encounter.

When we find ourselves in a negative cycle, we can ask ourselves:

"What did I do to make him act this way?"

"What can I do to break this ineffective cycle?"

Change doesn't always happen overnight, but it will happen!

The great news is that real change is often a process in which a new behavior coexists with an old one!

Whenever you feel like losing your temper and yelling, ask yourself what you really want to say!

Have you ever wondered why we yell?

It's because you feel like the other person never hears what you're trying to say, but there's a way to make sure they do!

When you're in the heat of the moment, it can be really hard to hear the other person's true thoughts.

Guess what! Next time you want to yell, ask yourself, "What do I really want to say?"

Do I want him to feel my insecurity, my stress, and what do I want him to understand about myself?

Take a moment to pause, and you'll see things change!

3. You can do it! Try not to demand that you control your emotions or that he does what he says.

Guess what! You can't control your emotions, and he can't always do what he says he's going to do either.

It's not that he wants it this way, just as you don't want to yell at him. And that's okay!

You've got to try Mr. Li Songwei's paradoxical intervention!

Embrace the change! Stop forcing yourself to change, and change will happen.

You can absolutely take control of your emotions! And you can also encourage him to do what he says.

Instead, look at several aspects!

For example, if you feel that "he doesn't care about me as much as he used to," it may be true, but it may also be more of a feeling. And that's okay! It just means that your relationship is entering a new stage.

That's what's so great about relationships — they're always changing!

Just as two people in love can't stay in love forever, it doesn't mean they don't love each other as much as before. It just means that their relationship has entered a new and exciting stage!

He may have just changed the way he cares for you, but you are still asking him to be the same as before.

And families also have life cycles!

And at different stages, the relationship between the two of you is also different—which is great!

And the great news is that we can learn to adapt to this change!

Look for the amazing ways he shows you he cares!

Where we focus is really important!

Now, it's easier to see the other side of him that he could improve on.

Next time, try a different expression!

"Thanks to my partner _____, I can ____."

This is a great way to show our gratitude for our partner's contribution!

For example, you know that "he does the laundry and cooking, and he earns the money," but have you thanked him for his hard work? It's time to show your appreciation!

Ready to turn a debate into a discussion?

Guess what? Teacher Chen Haixian said there is a particularly simple way to do this!

Here's a great trick: add the suffix "okay" to the end of every sentence!

I guarantee you'll be amazed at how well this works! Give it a try!

Just share these!

I absolutely believe you will find a way out of your predicament that suits you perfectly!

I highly recommend that you read Love Needs Learning!

Best of luck!

From the comments, it is evident that the individual has encountered challenges in their previously positive and intimate relationship and is experiencing difficulty in regulating their emotions.

Intimate relationships are one of our most significant relationships and greatly impact our personal quality of life. If emotions are not effectively regulated, they can also affect our physical and mental health. It is my hope that the following information will provide some support and encourage a broader perspective on how to address these challenges.

1. Unable to accept a reduction in the level of care and attention from your partner, and experiencing distress as a result.

The previous lifestyle:

He provided me with a high level of personal care and support, including laundry and cooking services, consistent agreement with my opinions, and the provision of all necessary resources. We engaged in lengthy discussions throughout the night.

My current situation is as follows:

I often feel that he lacks an understanding of my perspective. He is not knowledgeable about home improvement and frequently interjects, but he does not listen. He has not been as cordial as he once was, and he often fails to acknowledge my contributions when we communicate. When I leave the premises, he frequently checks his phone for messages. We often engage in heated discussions afterwards.

These significant discrepancies can easily result in a sense of diminished worthiness.

This sense of loss is a natural emotion, and the inability to return to the past is a form of loss. The constant fighting is rooted in the hope of returning to the past. The constant disappointment has led to feelings of self-doubt, which have further intensified the negative emotional experience within, leading to more instinctive outward demands and greater disappointment. This has created a vicious cycle.

In light of the aforementioned circumstances, it is advisable to remain mindful of your own discomfort and to actively engage with it. By doing so, you can gain valuable insights and understanding.

For example, when he states, "He's not as nice to me as he used to be," does he intend to convey that he is no longer loved, or that he desires more attention and indulgence? Identifying the underlying intent behind challenging statements can assist in understanding one's own emotions and developing an appropriate response.

2. Despite his assurances, he fails to deliver.

It is commendable that you both attempted to communicate at the outset of the dispute. However, there are aspects of your communication that could be enhanced.

To illustrate, the present situation is an example of this.

He consistently asserts that I am entirely correct and must alter my behavior.

From this, it can be seen that your communication pattern is that you express your dissatisfaction or expectations, and he agrees verbally but fails to act on them.

This unilateral output mode represents a continuation of the pattern of him deferring to you in the early days of your relationship. However, your living environment at that time was different from the present.

One contributing factor may be the differing pressures on each partner. While you are facing the financial implications of purchasing a property, he is also experiencing significant pressure due to his primary responsibility for generating income and managing domestic tasks to maintain a healthy work-life balance.

This pattern impedes his ability to express his genuine thoughts in communication, which in turn limits his capacity to act. This is a fairly common scenario where there is a discrepancy between one's intentions and capabilities.

After repeated instances of broken promises, both parties may become disheartened and the other may also unconsciously give up in the face of such broken promises.

It is therefore important to communicate effectively in order to express yourself and give your partner the opportunity to reveal their true thoughts and feelings. This will enable you to deal with pressure together, rather than each dealing with it separately, which can lead to stress.

3. I am unable to control my emotions.

Emotions serve as a form of communication, alerting us to potential risks or opportunities and providing the motivation to take action.

Emotions are neither inherently positive nor negative. It is only when emotions reach an excessive level that they can affect our lives.

It is important to note that attempting to control one's emotions often leads to a loss of control over them.

Accordingly, attempting to reconcile with one's emotions, comprehending them, and accepting them will facilitate more effective management of sudden emotional outbursts.

It is important to note that acceptance is not indulgence.

Acceptance is defined as "allowing it to exist."

The initial stages of emotional involvement with a partner often result in a significant accumulation of pressure. It is advisable to explore ways to alleviate this pressure. Identifying whether the pressure is primarily rooted in realistic factors or future concerns can guide the necessary course of action.

If the issue is financial, then it may be helpful to discuss potential solutions in a calm and collected manner during family meetings with your husband. If the issue is emotional, then it may be beneficial to engage in physical activity or pursue activities that bring you joy to help relieve stress.

Once these issues have been resolved, the channel of positive communication with your husband will be reopened, and his love for you will not be significantly impacted by the reality of the situation.

With a solid emotional foundation, you may also deepen your mutual understanding and connection during this period of navigating life's challenges together.

I wish you the best of luck.

Hello, host!

I understand the landlord's feelings. I've been in this situation before.

It's an unbearable explosion, and you'll feel remorse and regret afterwards.

After self-adjustment, it is better now. Life is a process of realizing and correcting one's temperament.

The following points may help the host control their emotions.

People are fickle and inconsistent.

He spoiled me just after we started dating. He did the laundry, cooked for me, agreed with me, and let me take the lead. We often stayed up talking, and I felt he was the best person in the world to me!

People are initially attracted to each other because of one of the other person's traits.

Everyone in a marriage needs to be tolerant and considerate of each other.

Everyone in a marriage needs to learn to be kind and tolerant.

No matter who you meet, problems will arise. The key is how you deal with them.

It makes the problem worse or makes major issues seem unimportant.

If you accept people for who they are,

I won't dwell on why you don't treat me the same way.

Ask the original poster if she still treats her husband the same way.

2. You get angry easily.

He started earning money and we moved to a bigger house. I was under a lot of pressure and became short-tempered. After the house was decorated, we moved in together and started fighting.

Our family makes us feel emboldened, disrespectful, and angry.

This is why we lack self-control.

As kids, we yelled at our parents, but they tolerated us. As we grew up, we stopped arguing with our parents.

My husband and I are the same age, so we don't respect each other as much as we should.

They don't respect each other, so they get angry quickly.

If your boss criticized you, would you argue and yell?

3. Be calm and stable.

We fight a lot. Afterwards, we calm down and discuss what to do next time. He says I'm right and he'll change, but he never does. Now, whenever I see him do anything, I want to lose my temper. I lose control and yell at the slightest provocation!

I yell hysterically when he touches me!

Maybe men and women are just different. When you realize you don't like the person you're yelling at,

You can become a calm woman with a strong inner self.

4. Lower your expectations of your partner.

He does the laundry and cooking, and he makes the money. I should be satisfied, but I still feel bad.

The host is prone to losing her temper because she has high expectations of her husband.

The hostess feels she should be satisfied but still feels bad. She has higher expectations.

If you change your thinking, you'll see your husband is good. Look at him with appreciation and you'll feel different.

5. Be better and more confident.

I can't control my emotions. What should I do?

If you can't control your emotions, there's a child inside you controlling you.

Each of us has a child inside. As we grow up, we do many things without thinking.

This child controls our emotions. It makes us lose our temper, cry, and be stubborn.

When you focus on your inner child and improve your awareness, thoughts, and mindset, you'll become more confident and emotionally stable.

If you yell all the time, don't you hate yourself for it?

Wouldn't you be afraid the other person would dislike the landlord too?

Become a better version of yourself for yourself and your family!

I wish the hostess could become beautiful and confident.

I'm Warm June, and I love you!

Hello, question asker!

It's clear that the questioner feels a lot of loss and grievance in this relationship. The questioner also recognizes that there's something about himself that needs to change, and he knows to come here for psychological help. First of all, I want to give the questioner a big compliment.

When you first met, your husband was really good to you and spoiled you like a princess. I think the reason you feel so aggrieved and dissatisfied now is because there's a big difference between then and now. You enjoyed your husband's kindness towards you before, but now you feel so much loss.

I think the owner should understand that nobody can be unconditional and always be nice to someone all the time. Parents get impatient and angry with their children too, and the same goes for a husband and wife.

Your husband was nice to you because you weren't together yet and weren't facing a lot of life's pressures. He loved you and was able to treat you well and pay a lot of attention to you.

And now you're facing pressure because of the money you owe on the house. He's got his own life to deal with, too, like work, family, friends, and other relationships.

You mentioned that he often talks absent-mindedly, and I think it's because he has a lot on his mind.

So let's look at it from a different angle. It's not that he doesn't want to be good to you, but that he really doesn't have the energy to be as good to you as he used to be. So what we need to do is not blame him, but care about him and ask what's going on and what difficulties he's facing.

Shouldn't you be the one to show him some kindness right now?

When your husband talked to you about this, he thought you were right and was set on making a change, but he hasn't.

One possibility is that he really wants to change, but he overestimates his abilities and is actually unable to do it. Another possibility is that he hasn't figured it out either. He just doesn't want you to be angry, so he says he'll change to make you happy.

Next time he says he'll definitely change, you should ask him seriously, "Have you thought it through?"

Do you think you can do it? If you can't, I won't force you.

"As long as you're willing to change and put in the effort,"

You're also feeling pretty short-tempered and out of control right now. One reason is that you're dealing with a lot of pressure from family life.

On the other hand, it's because you feel your husband isn't treating you well.

As we've already discussed, your husband isn't treating you well. I hope you won't dwell on that. Instead, try to understand him from his perspective. This is a time when he particularly needs your understanding and support.

You could also discuss the pressure in your life with your husband and share the burden together. From what you said, it seems like you and your husband don't usually tackle problems together.

It seems like he's a bit reluctant to tell you about the negative things and just deals with them on his own. And it seems like you don't want him to get involved in some things, wanting to handle them on your own.

The most important thing in a relationship is not whether you're nice to me, but how we can face the problems in our lives together. So next time you discuss things with your husband, focus on the problems you face together in your life.

Don't sweat who's doing what or who's listening to whom.

When you can resolve the problems in your life, you'll have fewer problems between you. Even if you can't resolve the problems in your life, you'll still be together, moving forward side by side, which is enough to make you feel peaceful and happy.

My name is Haru Aoki, and I want to say that I love the world and everyone in it.

I'm so excited to share my insights with you! I'm just rambling.

I'll take a wild guess at your age and say you're around 35!

In relationships, there is a 35-year-old rule!

It's incredible how many people enter into marriage and then experience rebirth almost every year between the ages of 35 (it doesn't have to be this year, but more precisely around the age of 35) and go through a divorce. (Of course, the divorce here is not a real divorce, but is used to describe the one-year mark of a marriage.)

But what I feel most from your words is:

You don't dislike your lover, you dislike yourself.

I may be a man, but from the words you have written,

I absolutely believe you are a happy woman!

Although life is unremarkable and not wealthy,

But compared to having a husband who loves and cares for you,

The so-called peaceful and tight times are nothing!

I absolutely believe you should get to know each other for at least five years before getting married!

It's so exciting to see how your understanding of this element will grow and evolve over time!

I think most people's marriages are pretty great!

If you have to compare it to before marriage,

I think most people are excited to see what the future holds and are looking forward to making their marriage even better!

Or, to be more precise, there is always a sense of imperfection—and that's a good thing!

But this is the most real marriage!

Over the years, under the influence of the pandemic environment,

We've all been trying to survive, and we've done it!

Some people should not expect to buy a house or a car and live a comfortable life. But they should be grateful for what they do have!

They have already given it their all just to be alive!

In comparison to them,

You, me, and of course many others!

Absolutely! We should be grateful and content!

The incredible pressure of life!

This should be something that is commonplace for each of us!

In today's society, where men and women are becoming more and more equal—it's a great time to be alive!

And you have to admit that!

And you have to admit!

In the real family role!

Men still mostly play the role of the pillar of the family, which is great!

Guess what! Men can sometimes feel really stressed too!

As you mentioned in the case of buying a house,

You are stressed, but you'll get through this!

Guess what! Your husband also has stress.

I bet you were so excited about buying a house and making a big purchase!

Oh, I can't wait to find out when he'll be able to pay it back!

And him?

And there's more!

He's thinking about how he can earn more money to make your life as good as possible!

Guess what! Men, in many cases, don't like...

And he'll show off his stress in front of women, too!

Maybe!

He'll head home after work for a cigarette in the car.

Sometimes he goes to the street stall to get a beer before going home.

Before going home,

And he sees all that so-called pressure, too!

and he simply regards them as unimportant trivia!

And that's why he doesn't want you to worry about it!

All he did was...

I just want you to feel in your heart that he is the most valuable person in the world to you!

Because every man

Absolutely! Every man wants to be the hero of his beloved woman.

And that's a wrap!

It makes you feel like a man!

It seems like I'm arguing for your man, and I'm so excited to do it!

I'm thrilled to say that I have absolutely no bias in arguing for him!

Instead, I said what many men want to say but have never had the chance to!

And now for the final word!

Women should definitely not be overly demanding!

Embrace your partner for who they are and learn to accept their shortcomings.

Instead of blaming him for giving too little,

This is especially true when a man's performance falls short of a woman's expectations.

A woman must absolutely believe that he is making an effort!

A woman who appreciates all his efforts is truly a gem!

Be sure to encourage him to give more!

And he'll be more than happy to give you all the help you need!

He will be super motivated to keep going and give it his all!

To motivate himself to become better and better!

I truly, truly wish you a loving couple who will stay together forever and ever! And I also hope that you can be a fantastic wife with a twinkle in your eye and love in your heart!

Hello, question asker!

You and your husband have been together for five years and married for four. It's natural to feel the seven-year itch in a marriage. Maybe you're starting to feel it now. Marriage is a whole different ballgame from love. Give yourself a hug. I can tell you're going through a rough patch in your marriage.

After reading your question, you say that I also know. You are quite perceptive! You have also attributed most of the reasons to yourself in your narrative. First of all, I would like to give you a big compliment for your self-awareness!

I must say, I envy your current life very much, especially the year when you were in love. What a wonderful life! Wow, how great! Your husband treats you so well, doing the laundry and cooking for you, leaving you to do everything and giving you your way. And you can talk all night long. It's really, really wonderful. In my heart, I think that before you got married, you must have been such a beautiful angel!

Let him want to protect you in every way. That's your charm, isn't it?

I think you're a great girl! Your boyfriend is a good guy, and it's so nice that he's sticking with you for four years. It shows how much he cares about you. And don't worry about the money. He can earn it, and he can do the laundry and cooking. You said you should be happy, and I agree. I'm happy for you! Your husband is a great guy. He's doing a lot for you, and it's so nice that you appreciate it.

I totally get it! I think your yelling is probably just a result of all the years you've spent together, your husband's care for you, your instant love for him, your all-night chats, etc. You've come to regard each other as the closest of people, which means that gradually, it's become family. In this way, you'll have no scruples about each other, and when faced with the trivialities of marriage, you'll gradually return to your normal lives. Who can maintain the good times of being in love forever? These are all very normal!

And your yelling is also to make life better! Just take the renovation, my friend!

I noticed you said Mr. Decoration doesn't understand and butts in, which might just be a problem of perception. I also understand that you stick to your own opinions, and it is indeed to make the home better. If Mr. Decoration insists on his opinions, it is definitely the same. As for who understands between the two of you?

Maybe at the time, they both thought they knew, and it's really hard to achieve complete agreement between two people, after all, they are different people. The good thing is that you also have your own way of solving problems, and you can resolve your arguments and find a way to compromise.

I just wanted to mention your husband again. It seems like after every argument, the way he deals with the problem is that you say he says you are right and he will change in the future. I think this may be your husband's indirect strategy! In other words, when he says you are right, he doesn't mean it from the bottom of his heart, but just to avoid trouble. That can make it a little tricky for him to correct himself next time if he doesn't realize his own mistakes.

Oh, I don't know if this will cause any confusion. I didn't say that you have to make your husband realize his mistakes in the future. In life, especially in married life, there is no absolute right or wrong, just different opinions. No one has to depend on anyone else, right? Isn't there a saying like that?

Home is a place for emotions, not reason. What we say may not be entirely correct, and that's okay! I just want to say, can we consider what you said? He just won't change. This may be an obsession in our hearts. We really shouldn't ask him to do that. If he says he can't do it, what about the future?

Let's use our wisdom to encourage him to open up as much as he can. I know it might feel a little uncomfortable when I say all this, but I just want to remind you that you're doing a great job. It's totally okay if you can't do it for the time being. You just know in your heart that we shouldn't ask him to do it, and just by talking about it, we are already on the way to change.

I can see how you're feeling under a lot of pressure because of the money you owe for buying a house. I know that money can really affect our emotions, and I can understand why you're more concerned about your husband because of this. You said that your husband yells at you, but I think there's more to it than that. I think he cares about you, and he's trying to show you that he loves you. Hitting is a way of showing affection, scolding is a way of showing love, and not hitting or scolding is a way of showing harm. So, this is also a deep love.

I'm not sure if this is the right way to look at it, but it seems like your thoughts are still stuck in the same way as when you were in love. You're willing to let him remain as affectionate as when the two of you were not married. At that time, you were everything to her, but it's different after getting married. You also said that he has to go earn money, and apart from you, he has to take care of many other things. So if you want to feel the same way as when you were in love, it's really a bit unrealistic. I think you should adjust yourself a bit. That is to say, your husband still deeply loves you, but it's just that he can't stay up all night chatting like he used to, do whatever you want, spend a long time with you, etc. He will do it in a different way, for example, by earning more money, or by always being willing to admit fault during arguments and saying that he will change in the future. You are right, etc. These are all ways for her to express her love for you in married life.

As life goes on and things change, our perceptions will naturally shift too. We'll need to adjust our thinking to adapt to married life. Buying a house and paying off debts can be stressful, but when we understand each other and can live together in harmony, earning money won't be a problem. It'll just take time. So don't worry about the money you owe. Take your time. If you can think like this and be at peace, you'll be able to see the good in your husband. I'm sure you won't be upset by everything he does and yell at him.

Take your time, my dear! Life teaches us to grow through pain, setbacks, and mutual friction. I believe that you, who have come here to seek help actively, are truly excellent. With your wisdom, you will make your little family better and better.

I'm sending you lots of love and blessings!

Hello, question asker!

After reading your description, I learned that the questioner is having some difficulties in their intimate relationship. They feel that their husband doesn't care about them as much as he used to, and they also feel powerless when it comes to controlling their emotions. But there's hope!

1. I feel that the other person doesn't care about me as much as they used to, but I'm excited to see what changes this new stage of our relationship will bring!

"My husband and I have known each other for 5 years and have been married for 4 years. We often stay up all night talking. I feel that he is the best person in the world to me!" You can see that the other person really does love you! With the move to a bigger house, the pressure on your husband may also increase. Faced with a mortgage, as the main breadwinner of the family, it is conceivable that he is under pressure. Of course, you are also under pressure. I don't think he doesn't care about you! As the pressure increases, his own energy is limited, so there are some small changes in the way you get along with each other. But don't worry! These changes are nothing to fret about.

His own energy is limited, but they've made some small changes in the way they get along compared to before, which is great!

Women are more sensitive and can easily feel that their husband is different from before. This is a great opportunity to show your love and understanding! It's not that they don't care, but that the family may have entered a new stage. This is the perfect time to deepen your mutual understanding and bond even stronger.

Perhaps we need to see the changes in our relationships and adjust our expectations and needs accordingly. In the past, there might not have been a mortgage, and you could focus on your love life! But as you get older, you have the chance to consider children, mortgages, and all kinds of exciting new pressures. He doesn't not care about you anymore, but he wants to give you and the children a better environment, and he's got lots of great ideas!

2. He says he will do it, but he doesn't.

You can't change someone else into the way you want them to be, and that's okay! If you have needs and are dissatisfied with them, you can communicate properly through non-violent communication, rather than yelling. This will not only help you express your needs without hurting your body but also help you understand your own feelings better. The book "Nonviolent Communication" is worth reading, and it also has a high rating on Douban. It is a practical and highly recognized book.

This book will show you how to express your dissatisfaction and make your demands without hurting feelings—and it's a great read!

We were attracted to each other because we were different in the first place. And that's a good thing! We need to learn to accept each other's differences and respect each other's opinions because each person has their own thoughts and perspectives. When you learn to allow the other person to express their opinions and to have different perspectives, your relationship will get better and better! Temporary difficulties are not scary. What is scary is when one party is always too willful and dominant and does not understand mutual understanding. But you can overcome this!

It's been said that marriage is the best practice! Learn to grow in a relationship and explore your true inner needs!

3. I'd love to know what I can do if I can't control my emotions!

Many people think emotions are bad, but they are actually there to remind us! We need to learn to look for what is hidden behind the emotions, and there is often an unmet need behind them.

The problem owner said that whenever something goes wrong, they like to yell and scream. In fact, I used to do the same for a while. When I got angry, I would raise my voice, as if I wanted to vent my anger in this way, and on the other hand, I wanted to intimidate the other person in this way. We usually raise our voice when we are angry with our children, just so they will listen. In fact, this approach does not work. Very often, not only will the other person not listen, it will also damage the relationship. So, what can we do instead?

Yelling at him may be your intention to get him to listen to you, but as I said at the beginning, you can do better! Learn to respect his opinions and views. Sometimes it's better to make a little concession, trust him a little more, and speak in a calm tone of voice, because you can talk all night and believe that your values are still OK. With this foundation, a good talk may be better than yelling.

It's time to get to know yourself better! When we feel uncomfortable inside, it's a great opportunity to reflect deeply on what our true inner needs are. The more we can discover our own needs, the more we can gradually calm down.

The good news is that there is a way to get rid of emotional distress and gradually calm down. It's all about recognizing the emotional needs behind the scenes, observing our own needs, and then learning to satisfy them ourselves.

And there's more! We can also focus on problem solving.

If you want to maintain a long-lasting state of emotional peace, you need to think more about what the points of cooperation between each other are. Life is a big system, and it's so exciting to see how mind expansion can help you see the connections and points of cooperation between the two sides! This is a great way to resolve conflicts and rebuild connections.

Knowing how to communicate correctly is all about expressing your true feelings and thoughts in a calm and collected manner. But it's even more exciting than that! It's also about truly expressing your needs.

There's nothing more rewarding than speaking honestly about your feelings and thoughts, learning to establish an open and inclusive perspective, and knowing how to think about how to communicate and negotiate to solve problems. It's a sure-fire way to achieve better results!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello, young lady! I can see the confusion you are facing right now, and I'm here to help!

You're going through some challenges in your marriage, but you've got this! Let me give you another warm hug to help you through.

I once read an article that said a good marriage relationship is made up of three amazing elements: passion, intimacy, and commitment.

If you argue with your partner a lot, it's because you have different needs! He may feel that you don't understand him, which is why he looks for someone who can meet his needs.

I don't know if you work during the day, but if you do, it's a great opportunity to bring your emotions home with you!

I highly recommend that you go to the gym twice a week after work! Run, box, kick the sandbag—let your negative emotions have an outlet!

When you exercise, your body produces endorphins and dopamine, which make you feel happier and less likely to argue with your partner when you get home.

In your case, it's likely that you have a lot of negative emotions building up inside. When you get home, it's easy to have a big fight with your other half over trivial matters. This is your chance to take control of your emotions and spiral them back in the right direction!

If you feel that you cannot resolve your negative emotions, don't worry! There are plenty of fantastic professional counselors out there who can help you.

A counselor is your perfect partner in crime! They can adopt a third-party perspective, a non-judgmental outlook, and an objective attitude. They can give you some more pertinent, more useful, and constructive advice.

I'm really hopeful that you'll be able to resolve the issue you're facing soon!

I'm out of ideas!

I really hope my answers are helpful and inspiring to you, young lady! I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day!

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Best wishes!

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I am contacting you today because I have a question regarding the program. Please let me know if this is not the appropriate time to reach out. Thank

In light of your current confusion and concerns, I extend my support and encouragement from a distance.

"I tend to compare myself to others. My partner handles the laundry and cooking, and he is the primary income earner. It seems like I should be satisfied, but I still feel dissatisfied. 1. He doesn't care about me as much as he used to. 2. He says he'll do something, but he doesn't. 3. I can't control my emotions. What should I do?"

You have considered the current state of your life. You appear to understand that you should be satisfied, yet you seem to be experiencing some emotional discomfort. In fact, your emotions are now difficult to control, suggesting that something may have gone wrong.

From your perspective, your husband's level of generosity and patience seems to have diminished. This is evident in the minor details of life, as you have mentioned. He lacks understanding of interior design and does not listen to your concerns. You communicate after arguments, but the outcome is that he promises to change but continues to make the same mistake. Additionally, the waiting period has led to frustration. Your attitude and approach towards him have also shifted. Seeing him makes you irritable, and you lose control of your emotions over minor issues. You are also troubled by these changes in you and want to change, which led you to seek help on this platform. This is a perceptive and wise approach, and I commend you for it.

Let us consider the situation from a different perspective, from your husband's point of view. He has started earning money, you have moved into a bigger house, and now you are under repayment pressure. All of this is not easy for him, and when it comes to decorating, you say he does not understand and will not listen to you. Have you communicated properly to find out who knows a little bit more, leaving aside all emotions?

In light of your recent emotional outburst, have you considered your husband's perspective? Regardless of an individual's nature, constant accusations and criticism can lead to negative experiences for all parties involved.

It is commonly acknowledged that a successful marriage requires the input of both parties and a high level of wisdom.

I believe you possess the wisdom to know what to do.

Your husband was previously able to indulge you in a manner befitting a princess, and I believe he will continue to treat you as he always has, just as you have always admired him.

I have complete confidence in you all.

Hello, lady friend!

First, I must point out:

You've made the same mistake that women have always made!

I have been married for seven years. If you can reflect on your situation seriously and take action, I am sure you can help yourself out of it.

Embrace growth!

If life were just like the beginning, when you met and got together,

Your beginning is the end of a fairy tale.

The prince and princess lived happily ever after.

It's been nine years. It's time for the prince and princess to become king and queen.

The old king and queen (your parents) are ready for you to expand your territory and rule your own kingdom (your home).

And/or the arrival of the little princess and prince!

So, you're refusing to grow up by occupying the princess's position?

You should be a queen! You are on your way to becoming one!

Your parents love you, and your husband can treat you like the princess you are.

You can sing, "I don't want to grow up."

Don't cry or yell, "I'm a princess! I'm still a princess!"

"I'll always be a princess!"

Your eyes are bright, and you see it.

He's making money, you've moved to a bigger house, and you're under pressure.

He has changed. He doesn't understand you and spoil you as much as he used to.

What else do you see?

You see yourself becoming irritable, less lovable, and not like a princess anymore.

Why is that?

You are standing still! You are looking at relationships in isolation!

You ignore change and blindly choose to mark the boat to find the sword!

When an event or a relationship occurs, it's not just about me.

"He" is not the core of the event or relationship either; "we" are.

Everyone contributes to the outcome.

We are not islands. We are interactive and live in relationships.

As we grow up, we take on more and more roles, just like playing on a trampoline.

If you want to maintain balance, you need to create movement to counteract.

#2. Love yourself!

What about yourself? You think he is the best person in the world to you. What about you?

You are good enough for yourself. You must invest in your health, body, mind, and soul.

Invest enough time in improving and enjoying yourself, and you'll have no time to complain, suffer, or feel miserable!

You will find yourself very cute, and others will find you cute too!

You are not just lovable, you can be loved!

You are not just lovable, you can be loved!

#3. Stop trying to change your husband. Change yourself!

You can't wake someone up who's pretending to sleep.

You can't change someone unless they want to be changed.

Yesterday, I was clever.

I was going to change the world.

Today I am wise.

I am changing myself.

Yesterday, I was wise and I changed the world.

Today, I am wise and I am changing myself.

You are neither your master nor your slave.

You can easily order yourself to do something.

You can force yourself to obey something if you want to.

If you can't do that, you can't treat the people around you in this way either.

They are not your masters, and they are not your slaves.

They are your dance partners, following the rhythm and dancing gracefully together through life.

#4. Learn to love and be grateful!

And you must finally answer the question, "It seems I should be content?"

Yes, you should be content! And you should be grateful for everything you have!

Don't lose or regret.

You should not be satisfied! Make yourself worthy of everything you have. Use what you have to create more love and give more love!

We live for ourselves, and that's not all.

We live for ourselves, and that's not all.

Go among the people, return to nature, embrace, and be embraced.

Look around you and pay attention to the little things in life.

The wind sings in the treetops, and the leaves dance to the music.

Beauty and wonder are unfolding under the sun and on the ground.

Appreciate and love life with a heart of love and gratitude. Dedicate yourself and bless yourself and others. You will discover hope and happiness and find that the world is worth living in!

Hello, question asker.

From your description, I can tell you're anxious about your inability to control your emotions and that you're seeking help to change. It's clear you dislike yourself when you lose control.

From your description, it's clear that the questioner has an extreme lack of a sense of security and control, which has caused them to accidentally fall into an emotional black hole. You said that when you first got together, he did all the laundry and cooking, he did everything you wanted, and he left everything to you.

You often stay up all night talking. You know he is the best person in the world for you. You used to stay up all night talking, so why can't you do it now? He does the laundry and cooking, and he makes the money.

You should be satisfied, but you're not. Why not?

You lack a very important in-depth communication. Before communicating, you must first sort out your own feelings. What are you expecting? What are your expectations of yourself? What are your expectations of others? What do you long for? Being prepared will facilitate smooth communication. Communicate deeply, not superficially. If you get hurt as soon as you start talking, the conversation will come to a halt and fail again and again. To better understand each other, you must communicate in depth.

If you can't say it to their face, send a message via WeChat. It's a good way to show the other person who you really are and give a truthful expression.

Avoid a questioning tone when communicating. Instead, use a suggestion tone. For example, say "You could... You could try..." Changing your language habits is not just formalism. It can change your logical thinking, which is very helpful for organizing emotions.

Controlling your emotions is a sign of maturity. If you can manage your emotions well, you will enter a new stage in your life. Treat your loved ones with tolerance and understanding, and communicate properly about the matter at hand to solve problems.

I wish you the best of luck. I hope my advice is helpful, and I wish you a happy life.

Hello, host! I just wanted to let you know that after contacting the lovely folks at the Yixinli platform, I learned that my answer from yesterday might not have been displayed right away because of a long review time. But don't worry, it's been displayed after processing, and I'm happy to continue with the second half of the answer!

I think your goal is to improve the relationship, which is great! It's so important to remember that you can only improve your own happiness, though. It's not about expecting the other person to change for you, but rather about self-improvement.

Yesterday, we chatted about the idea that expecting someone else to change for you might not be the best approach. It's important to remember that using control to suppress or coerce others can lead to some challenges in the relationship. Everyone has a natural desire to maintain their autonomy and right to choose freely. We all want to live according to our own wishes. So, when we force someone else to change for us, it can create an "fighting for control" dynamic. This can manifest as either cold violence or hot violence. Whether you succeed in fighting for control or not, it's not a very pleasant feeling. It's often painful and exhausting, and it can feel endless.

I think it would be really helpful for you to change your mindset. What I mean by that is to turn your attention to yourself, explore yourself, understand your needs, and change yourself and grow yourself as a way to improve your relationship. That is, try to understand your own needs and the needs of the other person, and use a respectful division of labor that respects the wishes of both parties to meet the needs of both parties.

If you find that your needs are in conflict with your partner's, don't worry! You can learn to negotiate and compromise to find a happy balance between your needs.

As you go through this process, you'll also get a better understanding of your own needs. You might find that some of your needs are difficult to satisfy in reality, but that's okay! You don't have to be obsessed with them. You can even let them go. By understanding each other better and working together more closely, you'll be able to establish a deeper connection. This path leads to a beautiful place where there's trust and cooperation. And as a result, your relationship will naturally move towards harmony.

You've already taken the first step on this journey of self-discovery by recognizing the changes in your relationship with the other person. It's so admirable that you're open to seeing the other person's efforts and acknowledging your own shortcomings. Your willingness to ask questions and engage in discussion shows me that you're ready to take charge of your happiness. It's so important to recognize that we can't always blame others for our unhappiness and conflicts. By accepting responsibility and working on yourself, you'll be able to find the satisfaction you deserve without relying on others. Keep up the great work!

I'm happy to tell you that the specific method can be summarized in three simple steps!

1. Take a moment to notice your emotions and think about what needs might be hidden behind them.

2. It's so important to identify the needs that can be fulfilled, ask the other person for their needs, express your own needs to the other person, and allow yourself and the other person to refuse.

3. If the other person can't meet your needs, don't worry! You can always negotiate with them to find a solution that works for you both.

I'm going to quickly go over the steps above, using the three points that the original poster mentioned: "1. He doesn't care about me as much as he used to; 2. He can't do what he says he'll do; 3. I can't control my emotions."

Let's take a step back and look at the process from a different angle. It all starts with uncontrollable emotions. These aren't usually the result of one single incident where your needs weren't met. They're more likely to be the result of a build-up of unmet needs over a period of time.

"I want to lose my temper whenever I see him do anything, and I yell at the slightest thing." This is a reflection of his emotions and your behavior. It's okay to feel this way, but it's also important to recognize that you're trying to control him with your emotions, and that you're also being controlled by your emotions. In other words, you're not just yelling about the current incident, but about the "deep hatred" buried in many similar incidents. But, this will only make things worse.

So, when something happens again, it's important to be aware of this and try to separate which needs of the current event have not been met from this mass of emotions. Then, you can express to the other party what you really want, what he can do for you, and what he can't. You can also discuss how to divide and cooperate to solve the problem. From the original poster's description, it seems like his inability to do what he says might be the biggest contributor to the emotional backlog. At this time, it's probably best not to force him to change by getting angry. Instead, you can inquire about the reasons.

It's so important to identify the cause so that we can find the right solution for you.

There are three simple conditions for a person to do something they say they will do: "knowledge, willingness, and ability." Knowledge means that he understands what the task is and why he must do it himself. Willingness means that on the basis of knowledge, he has the desire to do it, that is, he is willing to take action for it. Ability means that he has sufficient resources and ability to complete the task, such as time, energy, skills, support conditions, etc.

We all know that even one less will hinder the completion of the task.

There are so many other parts to consider! For example, if he agrees to do it, it is willing to satisfy your needs, but he may not necessarily be willing to do it. This can lead to procrastination, which means the task is not done.

On top of that, he might not fully understand what this issue means to him. You might think it's a big deal, but he might not see it that way. This could lead to him putting things off, which might result in missing out on important steps. Even if he knows the task is important to you and he's willing to do it, as you mentioned, he might still feel the pressure of the mortgage and have to focus most of his time and energy on earning money to support the family. After work, he might be tired and in need of relaxation, which could make it difficult for him to do what you ask.

So, when something isn't working out, it's good to first ask why, show you care, and try to understand what he needs behind it. If he's not sure, you can gently tell him how important this is to you and ask for his approval. This can help him feel more willing to do it.

If he's not quite able to meet your needs, you can talk about breaking the task down into smaller pieces, sharing the work, and deciding on a time when you can both get it done. You can also ask for help with some of the tasks so that you don't feel worse and worse thinking "he said he would do it but didn't."

I can see how these things might lead to the first point you mentioned: that he doesn't care about you as much as he used to. It's possible that this is an expression of unmet emotional needs, and that the events you mentioned—not being able to do certain things—have contributed to this. Of course, in addition to this, I believe that the original poster has some other needs that he has not been able to meet in a timely manner.

However, "care" is a very vague description of a need. At this time, it's really important to think about what you need and say it out loud. The more specific you can be, the more likely it is that your needs will be met. For example, "Can you sit and talk with me?"

It's easier for him to understand "Can you care about me more?" than "You don't care about me as much as you used to." And it's easier for him to be willing to satisfy you than to express "You don't care about me as much as you used to."

If there's a conflict of needs, like if you want to spend time with him but he's tired and wants to go out with friends to chat, you can talk to him about changing the time or the time allocation. You could spend some time with him before he goes out to meet friends. In an intimate relationship, there's almost nothing that has to be immediately satisfied or you won't be able to live. It can all be solved through mutual understanding, mutual respect, and negotiation.

Of course, as social roles change and self-development needs arise, men may also devote less time and attention to the family. At this time, it's important to give the other person the freedom to say no. This "permission" is fair to both parties, and it means that if you have the same development needs and cannot meet his needs, you also have the right to refuse.

At this time, it's okay to say, "I can't do that right now," or "I'll just do it myself." For example, if you used to clean your room every week, but you are too busy at work, you can give it up for once, or hire someone to clean it.

Another great example is that if he can't go shopping with you, you can go with your best friend!

Summary: It's time to switch gears! Instead of focusing on achieving your goals, try turning your attention to your emotions, identifying your needs, expressing them clearly, and negotiating with others to meet your needs. This will help you create a dynamic, collaborative approach where trust and cooperation are at the core. Emotions won't be in control anymore, and you'll find yourself naturally identifying your needs and seeking out positive signs of satisfaction.

I'm so happy for you! You're going to have a wonderful relationship of mutual respect and equal cooperation. I hope you enjoy its warmth and intimacy!

The world and I love you so much!

Hello, I'm Flower!

From the questioner's words, I can see that the questioner is actively engaged in the relationship and is taking steps to resolve issues. "Every time we have a disagreement, we calmly discuss what to do next." At the same time, I can also see that the questioner is eager to find solutions when problems arise. Regarding the three questions raised by the questioner, I have some thoughts:

Question 1: He doesn't care about me as much as he used to.

Embrace the changes and learn to change with them!

It's so important to understand that relationships between people are constantly changing. From the time you first get married, to four years into the marriage, from the long conversations that used to last all night, to the many frictions and conflicts that arise when living together – it's all part of the journey!

As physical and spatial distance change, as well as life pressures, the relationship and patterns of interaction between two people will also change—and that's a good thing! When the other person changes and the questioner remains in the same place, the lack of synchronization between the two parties will easily lead to conflict. But that's also an opportunity for growth and change!

Therefore, in a relationship, it's so important to be open to change! We can embrace change in our relationships, ourselves, our expectations, and our needs. And we can embrace change with all the changes that come our way!

The questioner feels that "he doesn't care about me as much as he used to." But there's no need to fret! The questioner can try to reason this out: In the past, he used to spend all his energy with you. Now, he needs to earn money, pay off the mortgage, and work harder. Perhaps many chores in life have taken a lot of energy from him, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. He still cares about your feelings and is still willing to work with you to solve problems. Here, I recommend the book "Intimate Relationships, Practical Edition, A Journey of Self-Discovery" (by Christopher Meng) to the questioner.

Question 2: He says he can't do it!

Embrace the changes in your partner and see them as an opportunity for growth!

Everyone is an individual with their own ideas and perspectives. For example, when it comes to decorating, he has his own unique ideas. He may be concerned that you are working too hard and wants to help by giving you some ideas.

For example, after every argument and discussion, he still acts in his own way. This is a great opportunity for us to recognize that the other person is a vivid, real person who will have their own thoughts and ways of acting.

He is not a puppet, not an accessory to us. When we find a difference between two people and try to change it, but find that we can't, we feel angry and powerless. But think about it! Even if this difference does not change, what will it affect?

There are some things that we can accept and agree to disagree about. This also means that we can let go of the expectation of changing others, accept others for their good and bad points, live in harmony with others, and find peace in our own hearts. It's like what the book says about the stages of intimacy: there is splendor, disillusionment, introspection, and enlightenment. And it's so exciting to see where we'll end up!

We can absolutely learn to get along with each other and get along with ourselves, and see the real needs in our hearts!

Question 3: I can't control my emotions. What should I do?

It's time to find the need behind the emotion!

"I often yell at my partner for trivial things and can't control myself. What should I do?" I believe the questioner doesn't want to yell either, but when emotions get the better of them, they can't control themselves.

Perhaps there's a need inside that the questioner secretly hopes the other person will meet. They may try to attract the other person's attention by raising the volume, in an attempt to have a deterrent effect. This is a bit like parents yelling at their children when they are angry because they can't find any other way.

Sometimes, however, such expressions not only fail to solve the problem, but may also hurt the other person. So, look at the needs behind your emotions, and then think about whether yelling really meets those needs. Then, consider whether there are any other ways to meet those needs, or what possibilities there are for changing those needs. You'll be amazed at what you discover!

I highly recommend that you read the book The Power of Organizing Emotions (Mayumi Arikawa). The first chapter is all about the impact of anger, and it's a great place to start! While you're reading, try to distract yourself with positive actions, change your way of thinking, change the perspective of the issue, and change the standard of what must be done. You'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel! I hope you find this advice helpful, and I wish you all the best!

Greetings, host:

From your words, I discern your confusion and helplessness. I extend to you a gesture of empathy and support.

It is evident that you and your partner have romantic feelings for each other, and that your partner treats you well. As you have described it, your partner has spoiled you like a princess over the past few years.

However, when a man is wealthy, it is less evident how good he is to his partner. This suggests that the focus of their lives and careers may have shifted.

The most significant challenge you currently face is your inability to regulate your emotions and responses.

It is evident that should this situation persist, it will inevitably lead to difficulties in the relationship.

It is possible that the individual who would benefit most from making adjustments in this relationship is the host.

The proprietor may attempt to do so.

Recall the sequence of events that precipitated each outburst. There is a psychological theory that posits that every instance of anger is the result of an unmet need. It is imperative to identify the underlying need that is driving your behavior and to determine why you believe your husband must love you more. It is also crucial to understand why you are unable to love more and to identify any underlying concerns about losing him. Is your need for him to demonstrate love a factor in your emotional outbursts?

In the forthcoming week, the host may wish to undertake the following experiment. Should you continue to lose control of your emotions, it would be advisable to identify a specific time period during which you may lose your temper. You could inform your husband that you require an opportunity to express your emotions, and ask whether he would be willing to engage in a discussion with you. This method has been demonstrated to be highly effective, as it allows husbands to respond positively when they are aware that their emotions are not being directed at them, and that they will not affect the relationship.

It is also possible for the original poster to engage in personal growth. One possible avenue for doing so is to read "Nonviolent Communication."

It is recommended that you seek the assistance of a qualified counselor.

In conclusion, the dynamics of love and marriage are a matter for the two individuals involved and require management. The adage, "If there is anything good about the years, it must be someone carrying a heavy load going forward," is particularly apt in this context.

I wish you well and encourage you to adhere to the aforementioned principles and maintain open communication with me.