How do I know if I'm being treated as a spare tire? Should I be honest and play it straight?

Good day. I am a Heart Exploration coach. Everything is straightforward. I have reviewed your question: "How do I know if I am being treated as a spare tire?" I advise you to be honest and straightforward in your responses.

The two individuals met online a year ago. During the initial three-to-four-month period, the male partner was the primary driver of the relationship. He shared details of his daily life with the female partner, provided gifts, and engaged in spiritual communication. The two were scheduled to meet in person, but the pandemic prevented this from occurring. Subsequently, the male partner became preoccupied with other commitments, leading to a decline in communication. This was further compounded by the lack of physical interaction and uncertainty about his whereabouts. Additionally, the couple engaged in several disagreements.

He has indicated that it is not advisable for you to have expectations of him, as this places undue pressure on him. With regard to emotional intimacy, he states that he does not wish to be expected or demanded, as this feels like a shackle. However, you believe that if he takes the initiative to maintain the relationship, he will not be asked for anything. He has stated that he will take the initiative to maintain the relationship, but this depends on his mood.

I must profess a certain bewilderment. Is it not the case that depending on his mood does not engender a sense of security? Might I inquire as to whether this assertion is motivated by a dislike of you on his part?

As communication becomes less frequent, you have also stated that he is reluctant to contact you, and he could simply be forthcoming about this. He asserts that it is merely due to his busy schedule. You express concern that you are being treated as an inconsequential entity. You have some psychological issues yourself, which he is unaware of, but now that he is not contacting you as frequently, it is causing you significant distress and unease.

The internal conflict and contradiction evident in the questioner's statements represent an avoidance conflict. The individual desires to terminate the relationship but is reluctant to fully disengage. This ambivalence hinders the other person's ability to meet the questioner's needs and expectations, resulting in a state of suffering within the relationship.

The relationship in question can be defined as an online one. There has been no face-to-face meeting between the two parties, nor has there been any experience of real-life problems together. The relationship is essentially based on spiritual communication online.

At the outset of the relationship, the subject was cordial and proactive in maintaining contact. However, as his schedule became more demanding, his level of engagement declined. When the subject's attention was sought by the partner, he asserted his willingness to resume a more active role in the relationship, although this was contingent upon his emotional state.

This demonstrates that in this relationship, the subject is self-centered and focused on satisfying his own needs. He does not prioritize meeting the needs of the other person and only contacts them when he desires connection. The aforementioned assessment may indeed be accurate. The subject's lack of willingness to prioritize the other person's needs hinders the establishment of a sense of security within the relationship.

In a healthy relationship, both partners' needs are met through a mutual exchange of giving and receiving. However, in this case, there is a lack of clarity regarding the depth of his emotional involvement and the future trajectory of the relationship. This lack of transparency and communication contributes to a sense of insecurity and the perception that the relationship may be unstable.

The other person in your relationship is egocentric. As for what he is occupied with on a daily basis and whether he has a romantic partner, we are unaware of the details, as you are in disparate locations and not in a relationship, so it is difficult to ascertain the truth.

It is imperative to trust one's inner feelings. In the event that one does not feel that the other person cares about them, it is crucial to communicate this to them.

What is the most crucial need of the individual inquiring about this relationship? Is it feasible to accept a relationship where only the other person's unilateral needs are met, and you wait for them to be met? If your needs remain unmet for an extended period, would you remain in this relationship?

The questioner's anxiety is a result of genuine issues and psychological concerns. Should these issues impact their social functioning, it is recommended that they continue with treatment.

Should you wish to engage in further communication, you are invited to click on the link below to find a coach who can facilitate interpretation, select a heart exploration that will support you, and communicate with me on an individual basis. I wish you the best of luck.

Good day, my name is Fei Yun, a heart detective coach.

You feel that you are dependent on him and have high expectations for the relationship. You have been in an online relationship for over a year and have many positive memories. Whether in real life or online, finding a compatible partner is a positive experience.

It seems that you feel that he is avoiding your relationship. He does not appear to want to be asked, expected, or bound. You want to further develop and deepen the relationship, while he would rather let nature take its course.

This creates a conflict and tension in the relationship. There is a desire to feel more secure in the relationship and from the partner.

However, it is important to understand what security really means and how it can be achieved.

What is the true meaning of a promise or "I love you"? Even two people who love each other deeply cannot completely feel secure in their feelings or in each other. Such demands and expectations would give someone else the right to choose and control their lives.

The greatest sense of security comes from self-belief. You believe in yourself, your choices and the potential consequences of those choices.

It is your desire to believe that in your interactions with him, you can remain connected to each other while also maintaining your own independence.

Your sense of self is not contingent on your relationship with him. You have the capacity to shine brightly, independent of your relationship with him.

You are a valuable asset in your own right.

It is crucial to understand that in any relationship, exerting control is unacceptable. This implies that one should aim to coexist with the intention of "demanding" and "changing" the other person. As the other person stated, if one is unable to be bound, it indicates that they already perceive demands being placed on them or even a desire to alter their nature.

In intimate relationships, there is a natural variation in the speed with which individuals warm up to one another. It is important to allow for these differences while also maintaining open communication and interaction. Expressing emotions while listening to the other person is a key to understanding and building rapport.

Effective communication entails alignment in direction but not necessarily in the specific route taken to achieve it. Both parties should strive to meet each other's needs within their respective capabilities. This may entail agreeing on meeting schedules, the frequency of video chats, and other logistical details. By doing so, you can collaboratively identify solutions to problems.

"Proactively maintaining a relationship" means that you won't be asked for it. We are accustomed to seeking "ideal parents" in a romantic partner, so it is important to set realistic expectations. No individual can be a more reliable source of support than oneself.

"If Only I Knew Before Marriage" is also considered a useful reference guide for those seeking advice on relationships. It is also important to remember that men and women are born with different characteristics, and it is not helpful to compare them to your own ideas. Showing respect and trust in your partner is an important aspect of maintaining a healthy relationship.

I hope the above is helpful to you. Best regards, [Name]

To continue the conversation, please click "Find a Heart Exploration Coach" in the lower right corner.

Greetings!

As a heart exploration coach, I have come to recognize that learning represents the most valuable asset of the human body.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a range of internal emotions and sensations, including doubt, confusion, discomfort, pain, and a sense of helplessness.

The specifics of your emotional difficulties will not be addressed here; however, three recommendations can be made.

Firstly, it is recommended that an effort be made to gain an understanding of one's own self and to accept the circumstances that one finds oneself in.

Such an approach may engender a slight improvement in one's emotional state, thereby facilitating a more considered response to the subsequent action required.

You stated that you and he met online a year ago and were scheduled to meet after three or four months, but due to the pandemic, you never met. Subsequently, as he became busier, communication decreased, and there were also conflicts. Recently, when discussing relationship issues, he indicated that he did not want to be expected or demanded and that he would assess whether he was in the mood to maintain the relationship on his own initiative. This made you feel confused, and he did not directly say that he would not contact you, which made you even more perplexed. You feel as though you are being treated as an afterthought. Indeed, your state is understandable, as everyone in a relationship desires a clear sense of belonging and commitment, which provides them with a genuine sense of security. You lack that, and given your psychological issues, it may be even more confusing for you. Therefore, you must attempt to understand yourself and provide yourself with comfort. "See" the painful aspect of yourself that is somewhat confused but unsure of what to do for the time being. This will distract your mind from other things, otherwise your brain will be filled with all kinds of negative emotions.

Furthermore, allowing oneself to understand one's own self and accept one's current state will facilitate the promotion of change in the status quo. This may appear to be a paradoxical assertion, but it is, in fact, an accurate representation of the underlying truth, as change is predicated on the acceptance of the status quo.

Secondly, it is recommended that you undertake a rational assessment of your own state.

Rational thinking can assist in developing a more nuanced understanding of oneself and one's circumstances.

To examine the situation from a rational perspective, it is essential to consider two key points:

One must ascertain whether they are being treated as a mere accessory, a mere object, a mere appendage, a mere adjunct, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement, a mere supplement

The criteria can be based on the following four aspects: the other person evinces no desire to commit, nor does he exhibit any reluctance to remain uncommitted; you perceive yourself to be in an intimate relationship, that is, it seems as though you are intimately involved, yet there is a dearth of tangible evidence to substantiate this; the initiative of time is consistently in the other person's hands, and you rarely propose plans together; the other person is more inclined to "take" from you than "give."

Furthermore, it is possible to ascertain whether the relationship in question is characterised by true love. This can be determined by considering four key factors: firstly, the strength of the emotional connection between the two individuals; secondly, the extent to which the other person responds to the subject when they are together, as opposed to merely talking to themselves; thirdly, whether the subject feels that they are special and the only person in the other person's heart; and fourthly, whether the other person's love is based on the subject's intrinsic value or whether it is a result of the subject's perceived usefulness to the other person.

Secondly, it will become evident that the status quo is not immutable, as the individual in question is capable of change.

When one exerts their subjective initiative, the state of one's self and the relationship with the other party will also change, which will also result in an improvement in one's emotional state.

Thirdly, it is recommended that you concentrate on your own feelings and consider how you can improve your own sense of well-being. This will enable you to make a more objective assessment of his feelings towards you.

For example, the aforementioned criteria can be employed to examine the relationship. Following a comprehensive examination of both the individual and the relationship, it will likely become evident whether the individual in question views the relationship as a mere physical attachment. This process entails a detailed examination of the relationship based on the criteria of genuine love and the individual's feelings towards the other person. This may also provide insight into the depth of the individual's love for the other person, which in turn allows for a more informed understanding of how to navigate the relationship. In essence, this process allows for an objective evaluation of the relationship.

Additionally, one might inquire as to whether the individual in question aligns with the established criteria for a partner, or alternatively, contemplate the nature of the love one desires. This process may assist in determining the suitability of the individual in question (here, one can ascertain whether the sunk cost effect is present, whether there is a fear of loss, or whether there is a fear of solitude, and so forth, thereby gaining insight into one's authentic state within the relationship). Following this, one can then ascertain the most appropriate course of action.

Should you remain uncertain following the aforementioned steps, it is recommended that you consult with trusted family members and friends, or a qualified counselor. This process itself can facilitate emotional healing, as negative emotions often have a cathartic effect. Additionally, it can provide insight, support, and guidance, as well as clarity on the most appropriate course of action.

Additionally, one can establish a clear boundary, including a definitive timeline for action. In the event that one's feelings do not change after a sincere communication with the other party, one may choose to terminate the situation at an opportune time, as this may indicate a lack of genuine affection. Ultimately, it is crucial to recognize that one has the capacity to alter the current circumstances.

Once action is initiated, the various negative emotions that have been experienced will subside. This is because action is, on occasion, the enemy of negative emotions.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to you. Should you wish to engage in further communication, you are invited to click on the option entitled "Find a coach for an online conversation," which you will find at the bottom of this page. This will enable me to communicate with you on an individual basis.

Hello, I'm Look.

The questioner described how he made it clear that he didn't want her to have any expectations of him because it would put a lot of pressure on him. In fact, whether it's the pandemic or being in a long-distance relationship, this is not the attitude of a man who truly likes you.

✅ Four criteria

How can you tell if a man likes you?

1. Emotional investment 2. Time investment 3. Financial investment 4. Energy investment

Some people might say that this is just a necessary tactic for a man to woo a woman, but if a man isn't willing to use these tactics on you, it probably means he doesn't even like you.

✅ Man's attitude

"I don't want to be expected or required, and I feel constrained." "He said he would take the initiative to maintain the relationship, but it depends on his mood."

His words suggest that his attitude towards you is not that of an ordinary friend. Friends care about each other's moods, let alone in an intimate relationship.

How to handle a man who doesn't like you

Take control of your emotions.

Emotions are like a horse and cart, and reason is the reins. A skilled driver knows how to calm their emotions, appease them, and please them, and enjoy their journey through life in a happy mood.

Take a moment to think about what you expect from him and what your needs are.

It might be a good idea to lower your expectations of him.

If you're still hopeful, you might as well cut the Gordian knot.

If you still have some hope in this man, you can just ask him directly to see if he really does like you.

There are three possible outcomes here.

1. He has a conscience and rejects you.

2. He tells you that he loves you very much.

3. He laughs at you, uses some of the language associated with Pick-Up Artists, and asks why you think that way about him.

In any case, the person asking the question needs to have some kind of opinion about it.

Be okay with who you are.

If you want to receive better love, you've got to love yourself first.

Tell yourself, "I deserve better love!" You'll meet all kinds of people throughout your life, and they'll come and go without causing any problems.

Appreciate yourself and recognize your value before you meet someone better, so you can love others better than you ever have before.

I'm looking, take care.