How do you come to terms with the fact that someone you loved for a long time never loved you back?

Hello, question asker! I'm an old, skinny donkey.

The questioner's experience is heartbreaking.

First love is in the heart. It's hard to forget, even if it was painful. The questioner has a hard time letting go because there's love, resentment, and memories of the best years of their youth.

A person will react to someone they like, even if they're indifferent. They won't be cold. The questioner can figure out why the other person isn't enthusiastic.

After the breakup, the other person immediately started dating someone new. This may mean that you've always been his backup, and he's found someone else.

Second, after you met again and had sex, he was still cold. I'm not sure what he was thinking. If he was single, it might be okay to say something, but if he had a girlfriend, it might not be suitable for you.

He may have always seen you as a spare tire.

You're too nice to the other person, so they don't appreciate it. Things that are easy to get don't mean much.

It depends on whether the person you're with is a good man.

Fourth, does the questioner's initiative cause trouble for the other person? No one likes being treated like their whole world.

It could mean watching someone all the time or greeting them all the time. This makes the other person feel trapped and tired of the relationship.

Fifth, is the other person cold to everyone or just to you? If it's everyone, they'll warm up eventually.

If you're alone, don't try to convince yourself to keep going!

Every journey is worthwhile, even if it's not the right one. It teaches you what to do next.

The questioner has had three different types of relationships. This has allowed them to experience different feelings of loving and being loved. Relationships are short-term. The questioner has found someone they deeply love, but not someone they love so much.

However, marriage is long-term. The questioner already has thoughts on what kind of lover to choose.

In a relationship or marriage, don't put all your heart and soul into the other person. Keep three points for yourself and maintain your mental independence. This will help you deal with many problems.

I suggest weighing the pros and cons before making a decision. If you can't hold on to it, let go!

Best wishes!

I'm Duoduo Lian. Thanks for the invite. Hope my reply helps.

Your first boyfriend, I'm sure you love him so much that you'll always try to fix the relationship. Ask yourself, do you love him, or are you afraid of being abandoned? The answer is in your hands.

If you break up with him, he can immediately get involved in a relationship. You have no place in the relationship. Your repeated attempts to please him and your interactions with other people teach your boyfriend how to treat you. You are both independent individuals with no boundaries.

If you act like you don't care about love and marriage, your boyfriend might think you're not serious. You should treat others like family, but you should also treat yourself well. If you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you?

Perhaps you were neglected and have always wanted to be loved. You have been trying to please others and living with someone on the basis of a value-for-value relationship. You need to return to your true self. You don't need to please others. A woman needs to be spoiled by a man.

First, love yourself. You are tired and need to adjust, return to your true self, find your inner strength, express your anger, speak your grievances, release your emotions, and realize you deserve good things. It has nothing to do with whether others love you. Take the lead in your life.

Love yourself. The world will love you too.

Hello, questioner!

From what you've said, I get the feeling you're feeling pretty helpless and sad. But if you can find the courage to face this problem head on, speak up and work together to find a solution, you'll be well on your way to making things better.

Organize your description:

When you were with your first love, you were the one doing all the giving. After the breakup, the other person moved on easily, leaving you to suffer on your own. When you meet someone bad, they'll also be there for you.

After meeting someone really nice, you were separated by reality. After meeting your first love and getting together, the other person didn't care much, which made you feel really tired and uncomfortable. It made you think of someone who was really good to you, and you felt that you hadn't let go of that person, which made you feel really confused. Is that right?

From what you've told me, it seems like you've been hurt emotionally, haven't got what you wanted, and are now unsure about your feelings.

It's worth noting that emotions can seem straightforward, but they're actually quite complex, and the mind is constantly in a state of flux.

If a miracle happened, what would your life situation be like? What have you done to make it happen?

Once the miracle happens, will you be any different from how you are now? Who will notice the change?

I don't know the specifics of your situation, but I can offer some general advice based on your description and my own experience, in the hope that it'll be helpful.

First, adjust your mindset.

I know you're feeling pretty confused and uncomfortable right now, but I think it'd help to adjust your mindset. Once we adjust our mindset, we can find peace within and figure out what we really feel.

One way to calm down is to take a few deep breaths and think positively.

Second, be more aware and clarify.

There's always a reason for many things, either because of our own reasons or misunderstandings. So we need to be more aware of the reasons behind our own behavior patterns. Why do you feel this way?

What are you thinking here? Let me know what you want.

You need to be more aware of what you want. That way, you'll be able to see what's really going on in your heart. If you really like the person who is very good to you, I suggest you try your best. Even if you fail, you'll still be able to live with yourself. Only in this way will you feel much lighter.

It's also important to learn to love yourself.

From what you've said, I get the impression that you're a very giving person. We all hope that when we give, we'll get a positive response, but when we don't, it can be disappointing. I'd like to suggest that you stop giving to others for now and focus on learning to love yourself, being tolerant of yourself, and respecting yourself. I believe that if we don't love ourselves, we're less likely to be able to ask others to love us.

And how can we find the courage to be open to being loved?

It's also important to learn to communicate effectively.

All relationships in life are our relationships with ourselves. So, please learn to love yourself again, but also learn to communicate. Tell the other person about your discomfort and tell them what kind of power you want to gain and what you want them to do. If they're willing, you can continue the relationship. If not, we'll just walk away. As long as we love ourselves, we won't worry about finding someone who loves us. What do you think?

If you really think I can help, you can also get in touch with a professional counselor. They'll walk you through your description, help you understand your emotions, adjust your perception, help you recognize yourself again, and rediscover your inner needs.

Dear question asker,

From your written account, it is evident that you are experiencing a quandary. The boyfriend who treated you well terminated the relationship for pragmatic reasons, whereas the first boyfriend, who treated you with indifference, continues to exert a powerful influence on your psyche.

It appears that regardless of the course of action taken, a dilemma remains.

I am of the opinion that you may have a similar sentiment; nevertheless, you are the sole arbiter of your own emotions. However, there are occasions when one is reluctant to acknowledge one's feelings due to the inherent risk of having to relinquish the other.

Are you prepared to consider your current situation from an alternative perspective?

Let us first examine the relationship with your initial romantic partner.

You indicate that you consider this to be your first love, which may be due to the fact that the emotions of your youthful years were more hazy, or perhaps because you were uncertain as to whether the other person was truly in love. However, it is evident that you hold a genuine affection for him and are enthusiastic and proactive in this relationship. Following the dissolution of the previous relationship, your first love reappeared after you had experienced two instances of heartbreak.

This appearance contains a plethora of information. Did he appear on his own initiative? Or was it revealed to him intentionally or unintentionally?

If one assumes that the initial contact was initiated by the subject, what were the motivations of the other party? Was there an intention to resume the relationship, to express sympathy for the recent breakup, or were there other factors at play?

Indeed, these considerations can be employed as a basis for reflection on the nature of your relationship with him. It would therefore be beneficial to contemplate these aspects.

It would be beneficial to examine your position in the relationship with your first boyfriend. It appears that you have consistently occupied the role of the victim, whereas he has consistently assumed the role of the rescuer. You initiated the dissolution of the relationship and subsequently became romantically involved with another individual. In contrast, he was the one who was abandoned. Following the dissolution of the relationship on two occasions, he sought to console you and subsequently assumed the role of your rescuer. When he assumes the role of the rescuer, is it related to your inner desire to have someone care for you, love you, and rescue you?

This is a potential avenue for further consideration.

It is important to exercise caution, as when a relationship repeatedly assumes the roles of rescuer and victim, it is likely that this is a psychological game and that the two parties are not engaged in a relationship of authentic love.

Then, one must consider the boyfriend who is kind and attentive, and who has left an indelible mark on one's memory.

You indicated that the primary reason for the dissolution of the relationship was practical in nature. While it is true that marriage entails a number of practical considerations, it is important to recognize that individual standards and requirements may vary considerably.

Some individuals adhere to the notion that a couple must possess a vehicle and a residence before entering into matrimony. Conversely, others espouse the view that a couple may wed even if they reside in a rented apartment and utilize public transportation, provided that they are in love. I posit that if one meets an individual with whom they share a profound affinity, the process of forming a union with that person may prove challenging. The realistic conditions that a couple is willing to accept and the future risks that they are willing to assume are not predetermined.

In light of the aforementioned relationships, it is reasonable to conclude that the individual in question possesses an intuitive understanding of the characteristics and qualities that would constitute a suitable partner.

It requires courage to confront one's genuine sentiments.

If one truly feels that a particular romantic partner is the optimal choice, despite the presence of unmet expectations, it may be beneficial to engage in open and honest communication with that individual. This could involve identifying specific conditions in reality that are causing dissatisfaction and exploring potential solutions together.

If one is convinced that one's initial romantic partner is the optimal choice, it may be beneficial to engage in an open and honest dialogue with that individual regarding one's expectations for a more caring and passionate relationship. Instead of perpetuating a cycle of self-defeating internal conflict and suspicion, it may be constructive to ascertain the extent to which the partner is willing to adapt to meet these expectations.

Additionally, an honest discussion about his genuine feelings in previous relationships and the veracity of his love for you may be beneficial. It is possible that he loved you in a way that you were not perceptive to, or perhaps he did not truly love you at all. Regardless, understanding the truth is the sole means of identifying a solution and determining the best course of action moving forward.

In essence, such candor necessitates the taking of risks, as it requires a considerable degree of courage to break through the illusions within one's heart and achieve mental preparedness. This process may prove to be exceedingly challenging, yet it offers a profound opportunity for personal growth, enabling one to confront reality rather than relying on subjective interpretations.

One's own self may prove to be the most formidable obstacle in this process, including how one responds to the actual outcomes. Should the necessity arise, I am prepared to confront this challenge with you.

I am Wang Xuejing, a counselor, and I have been awaiting your arrival.

Good morning,

I would like to give you a hug.

Perhaps the kind of love that is truly effortless is only possible for those who have a deep understanding of themselves and a clear perception of their own needs. This allows them to choose the kind of intimate relationship that truly aligns with their desires.

Perhaps it would be helpful to take a moment to reflect on the feelings inside.

I believe there are three key relationships to consider. Given the shift in subject matter, it stands to reason that the feelings of the questioner may naturally evolve. To illustrate this point, we can compare two scenarios: going out for a drink and going to a supermarket to buy a drink. The latter involves a different set of feelings, such as the anticipation of going out of the house, the excitement of choosing a drink, and the satisfaction of carefully selecting a restaurant.

The previous choice may have only satisfied our thirst, but the latter choice has brought a feeling of restfulness and satisfaction to both body and mind. It is possible that the latter choice can make us feel more relaxed and happy.

However, it seems that the feelings of the questioner in the three relationships are consistent – unhappy and without a sense of belonging. This could be an accurate reflection of the questioner's true feelings: her first boyfriend may not have loved her, in the second relationship the other person may not have provided her with enough security, and in the third relationship her expectations may have been met, but there may not have been a sense of love or belonging. When conflicts and contradictions arise, relationships can easily falter if they lack a foundation. This could result in separation.

For this reason, it is important to recognize that our feelings are not meaningless. Our true feelings play a significant role in guiding our most important decisions. It is valuable to listen to our feelings and create a space for them to be expressed, as this can help us achieve a sense of unity between our inner and outer selves.

I believe that experience is the best teacher, and it can help us to appreciate our intrinsic value.

Our social environment often encourages us to focus on success and overlook failure. This can lead to a fear of rejection, particularly in relationships, which can affect people with low self-esteem. Rejection at work can be overcome through hard work, but rejection in a relationship can cause direct self-doubt, which can overwhelm people emotionally and leave them feeling drained. It can be challenging to find ways to strengthen one's heart in these situations.

It might be helpful to consider that people who are prone to feeling inferior and tend to deny themselves can simply turn their excessive attention from themselves to the objective level of facts. This could help them to avoid picking on themselves and amplifying their weaknesses in comparison with others, and instead return to an objective assessment of the facts with an ordinary mind.

It might be the case that the indifference and irresponsible attitude of your first boyfriend is due to the fact that he has never learned how to bear pressure and responsibility. This could mean that his choice of behavior is self-conflicting, and that the contradictory results are not entirely the fault and full responsibility of the questioner.

It would be wise not to deny your own value too easily. Instead, you might like to consider working hard to enhance your sense of self-worth, seeking a sense of direction in life. This could help to strengthen your inner strength, enabling you to clarify what you truly want in your heart.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you can persevere. I hope you have a happy Year of the Rabbit ahead!

Hello! I'm Strawberry!

If one person in a relationship has to put in more effort to keep it going, it just means that the two of you aren't quite on the same page. If the person who's putting in more effort gets tired and runs out of steam, it's only a matter of time before things fall apart.

It's totally normal to feel hurt and angry after an argument. We all want our partners to change, but breaking up on the spot isn't always the kindest way to go about it. It's like he was saying, "I don't care about you," when he started dating other girls right away.

Oh, why is it always the first love?

Even though the questioner simply described his several relationships, it's clear that he had a tough time in all of them and was left with a lot of scars. When he was feeling sad, he would do one thing: keep his first love by his side.

It's totally normal to feel vulnerable when things aren't going well in a relationship. It's so interesting that the questioner is open to having their first love, who has already broken up with them, be there for them. It shows that they've always had a special place in their heart, trusted him, and are having a hard time letting go.

Maybe the questioner doesn't want to admit that they can't let go, so they want to let someone else into their life to prove that they don't need to be with their first love. But the truth is that when they're feeling helpless and need someone to be with them, the first person they think of is their first love.

Follow your heart, my friend.

In psychology, there's a fascinating phenomenon called the Chekhov effect. It was first discovered by the brilliant Western psychologist Chekhov, who conducted some truly intriguing experiments. What he found was that people tend to forget things that have been completed and achieved results easily. But they always remember things that have been interrupted, left unfinished, or not achieved their goals. This intriguing phenomenon is called the "Chekhov effect." (Explanation from Baidu)

First love is unforgettable. It ended in an argument, which was really sad. It wasn't a calm decision made by both parties, and the first love wasn't redeemed. They immediately got together with someone else, which made the questioner feel aggrieved, angry at herself for getting treated like this in return for her efforts, and resentful of the hurt caused by the first love.

When the questioner asked his first love to stay by his side, he would always come back, which gave the questioner hope and made him feel that he, like the questioner, could not let go. So, even though he had a girlfriend, he was willing to see the questioner. It was this hope that made the questioner want to follow his heart, so he was willing to have a relationship with his first love, even though they had broken up.

When the questioner thought that the two would be back together soon, his first love let him down once again. He was indifferent and unresponsive, and didn't feel that having a relationship with the questioner was a commitment. From his actions, it seemed that his first love didn't know what true love was, and even less did he know how to manage an intimate relationship. This may have a lot to do with how he grew up.

It's time to face reality.

Oh, so many years have passed! The questioner thought that the person he had fallen in love with had grown up, but after contact, he discovered that he was still the same person, the same person who didn't know how to love. Scenes from the past when the two of them got along flashed through the questioner's mind, and the questioner felt that his own sacrifices for love seemed worthless to his first love.

It doesn't matter if it happened in the past or is happening now, when their own efforts have never been valued or seen, it makes the questioner sad and angry. They can't let go of their first love because they can't release their emotions.

1. Seek help: Over the years, the questioner has been unable to truly let go of their first love on their own. This is totally normal! We all have things in our past that we need to work through. The good news is that there are people who can help guide you to see the issues that matter most to you deep down. When you do that, you'll be able to truly let go of that past.

2. Give yourself some space: It's okay to take a little time to focus on yourself. It's natural to still think about your first love from time to time, but try to give yourself a little space to adjust. You're worthy of love! It's not your first love's fault if he doesn't know how to love you.

3. Connect with yourself: The questioner longs to be loved. When faced with the indifferent attitude of his first love, which makes him focus all his efforts on giving love without receiving the same love, it can be really tough to stay on track. At this time, it's so important for the questioner to focus on himself, to see why he longs for love, and to pay attention to the connection with himself.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner. I wish them all the best!