How do you view the kindness and obligations of your parents? Parents always emphasize that the kindness of parents cannot be repaid.

The experience of being constrained by the moral standards of one's family can be profoundly distressing, particularly given that each of us originates from an ordinary family background. This ordinary status encompasses more than just economic standing and is not something that can be easily compensated for. It is neither exemplary nor deplorable.

There is no rationale for reciprocating the gesture with our own demise, nor is there any justification for terminating the relationship. Consequently, we find ourselves in a state of limbo, unable to reconcile our differences.

It is first necessary to define the concept of family. One must also understand the nature of parental love, filial piety, and the act of bearing children. Furthermore, one must possess a personal understanding of the fundamental principles of life, survival, and living.

One might then consider how to respond, communicate, and interact with one's own parents and their families.

For example, it is my personal understanding that the freedom and personal opinions of an individual should not be forced upon them.

The decision to have children is a personal choice that entails both the freedom to plan and the freedom to love. However, this freedom does not extend to the individual child. While it is possible to have children, it is not possible to deprive them of their freedom to live without also depriving them of their freedom to be born. Consequently, it is essential to recognize the responsibility that comes with ensuring the freedom to live for each child.

There is a popular saying on the internet that I find disagreeable: "Having a child is a joy for a man and a woman. After the initial joy, they have a child, and let the child bear the consequences of their tasting the forbidden fruit. There is no logical reason for this."

This is my interpretation of the sentence:

If I had a child, my thoughts at the time would have been as follows: I met a boy I liked, and he reciprocated my feelings. We then established a close relationship, got married when things were going well, and in the marriage, because we liked each other enough, or to solve the nagging of the previous generation (passing on the family line), we either volunteered or were forced to, and gave birth to a child of the person I liked. At the very least, it was out of lust, and I accidentally had a child, and I stayed for various considerations.

From the initial stages of the process to its conclusion, the thoughts, motives, and even the rational calculations were all focused on the individual, their partner, and their family (parents, in-laws, and relatives), with no consideration given to the impact on future generations.

The decision to have children is driven by a multitude of factors, including personal fulfillment, partnership, familial obligation, societal expectations, and even self-interest. One may choose to have children for reasons related to financial security in old age, viewing children as a means to an end. This illustrates that the decision to have children is not solely driven by selflessness.

It is therefore pertinent to question why they should impose such consequences on their children (it could be argued that this constitutes a moral abduction).

The following section requires consideration of the child in question.

It is evident that parenting is a challenging endeavor, and it is not uncommon for parents to reserve resources for their children and dedicate significant time and energy to their nurturing.

Given that humans are composed of flesh and blood, it stands to reason that sincerity will be reciprocated with sincerity, and that love will breed love. This naturally gives rise to the question of how children should love their parents.

As previously stated, in an average family, there is no conflict to the extent of physical violence or extreme animosity towards parents. On the contrary, children naturally desire their parents' love and reciprocate that love.

The question thus arises as to how one might repay one's parents for their love.

This section must be considered in conjunction with one's own personality, the aforementioned issues, the parents' personalities, understanding, and a comprehensive analysis.

Some parents desire to repay their parents with a tangible gesture, while others seek to repay them in a more comprehensive manner. Some parents believe that their children will be indebted to them for the remainder of their lives. However, there are also parents who do not seek any form of repayment. Some parents prioritize the happiness and safety of their children, while others feel that they have not been sufficiently good role models and strive to improve themselves.

At this juncture, the manner in which a child loves or repays their parents will vary, and there will be discrepancies.

It is essential to listen to one's parents and to consider their perspectives on parenting and familial relationships. Additionally, observing how they interact with their own parents can provide insight into their attitudes and potential double standards.

Ultimately, one must adjust to reality.

In some cases, objective factors may preclude such an outcome. For instance, some children may purchase a large residence for their parents as a gesture of filial piety and engage the services of a nanny to assist with their parents' care, thereby relieving them of the burden of providing such care themselves.

However, some children are unable to support themselves financially and are therefore unable to repay their parents in this way. It is therefore essential that family members have mutual understanding and empathy for one another.

It is also necessary to regulate one's own behavior.

It is unreasonable to expect all parents to understand their children. Some people lack the cognitive ability to do so, while others are simply accustomed to the situation. Some people copy others, while others like to compare and are selfish or petty. All of these individuals may become parents. As children, when they encounter unreasonable demands, they also need to adjust in time. It is important not to be overly critical of oneself. One must simply be aware of whether one loves the child enough and respects and honors them.

Conversely, children may also exhibit these behaviors, and parents must also adapt.

As the TV series "Zhi Bu" aptly observed, one should not be overly preoccupied with books and instead embrace a more holistic approach to life.

For parents and children alike, the most optimal approach is to simply go with the flow and refrain from feelings of guilt.

Hello, questioner! I'm Jiang 61.

First of all, thank you for trusting us and being willing to tell us about your confusion so that we can help you understand it better. You are confused about how you should view your parents' kindness and obligations.

"After reading your brief introduction, I know you are having problems with your family relationships. Let's discuss it together.

1. Introduction

You say, "My parents always emphasize to me the debt of gratitude I owe them. I just got off a night shift, and I saw my mom post a video of her feeding baby birds. The text reads, 'Only the food your parents give you is free for every meal.' It's so hard. I wanted to rest and go to sleep, but I couldn't sleep, so I just lay there and cried."

1. Expectations

Your parents' words reveal their worries, anxieties, and expectations. They feel insecure and constantly remind you, "I need you."

2. Kind You are kind. They are wrong.

You feel very uncomfortable when you hear your parents' words. They are wrong to say you are an ungrateful child. You are kind. So when they say this, you feel aggrieved, uncomfortable, and misunderstood.

3. Emotions

After watching the video your mother posted, you felt bad. Even though you had been working the night shift, you couldn't sleep. At this moment, what did you think? Your emotions came out, and you just wanted to cry. You felt aggrieved, as though your mother didn't understand you.

2. Relationship analysis

1️⃣, Family ethics

Family ethics

The core of family relationships is the relationship between a husband and wife. From this relationship, other relationships are formed, including those between parents and children and between relatives. Family ethics vary depending on the social form in question.

As children, we must respect and support the elderly, raise and educate our own children, respect our parents, and love our younger siblings. These are the family ethics that we must abide by.

You are confused.

As a child in the family, you are currently confused about how to view the kindness and obligations of parents. This reflects that you are troubled by family ethics issues, such as what constitutes a harmonious parent-child relationship, how to show filial piety, and conform to family morals and ethics.

You will be upset when your parents express their opinions because you are both doing things according to your own understanding and have not reached a consensus.

2. Parent-child relationship

The parent-child relationship

A parent-child relationship is the relationship between parents and their biological, adopted, or stepchildren. It is the earliest and most fundamental interpersonal relationship a child establishes in their original family.

The parent-child relationship status is related to parents' character, family relationship concepts, parenting, child-rearing, education methods, and attitudes, etc.

Conflicts arise.

The essential relationship between parents and children often varies significantly due to differences in social and cultural backgrounds and perceptions. In the questioner's family, the parents expect you to be absolutely obedient, not to easily express the opinions of the younger generation, and to maintain a strict and one-way parent-child relationship. This is unacceptable.

You believe the parent-child relationship is a two-way street. Children have their own thoughts and actions, and parents should be democratic, allowing children to express their opinions at any time in front of them. This is a harmonious parent-child relationship, and it does not mean you don't respect your parents.

This kind of cognitive difference has happened many times, leading parents to mistakenly believe that you are being unfilial. They will say things similar to what the questioner mentioned in the introduction, both explicitly and implicitly. These are things you do not approve of, and they make you feel unhappy.

3️⃣, emotions appear

Emotion ABC

The ABC theory of emotions, created by American psychologist Ellis, states that event A is only an indirect cause that triggers emotions and actions C. The direct cause of C is the individual's belief B in event A. In other words, it is not the event itself that causes our emotions, but our perception of the event.

When emotions arise,

The real reason for the questioner's unhappiness is not the video and the sentence (A) that her mother posted. It's because after seeing the sentence, the questioner felt that her mother thought you were being disrespectful and posted it just for you (B). You feel aggrieved, and the difficult emotions in your heart appear (C).

3. What to do

1️⃣. Understand your parents.

Understand others.

To understand others, you must look at the situation, feelings, and thoughts of others with an open mind, beyond narrow personal experience and personal likes and dislikes. This eliminates misunderstandings and barriers, creating harmonious and close interpersonal relationships.

Understand your parents.

Many misunderstandings arise because we only think from our own perspective. To resolve these, we must put ourselves in our parents' shoes and see what they mean when they say things.

Understand their expectations.

2. Effective communication

Effective communication is essential.

Communication is the exchange of information. It is the entire process of conveying a certain message to the communication partner in the hope that the communication partner will respond in the expected way. If this process is achieved, effective communication is complete.

Verbal and non-verbal messages comprise communication. The non-verbal part is often more important than the verbal part. Effective communication is of great importance in family relationships and complex social relationships.

The following are the steps to effective communication:

Effective communication involves four steps.

Step 1: Express your feelings, not your emotions.

Step 2: Express what you want, not what you don't want. Show your anger, don't just say you're angry.

Step 3: Express your needs, not complaints. Don't let the other person guess what you want.

Step 4: Express where you want to go, not where you don't. Look at the end result, not the event.

In family communication, we often have disagreements because of different opinions. This is normal. It shows that you need to communicate further so that both sides can understand each other's true thoughts, gain a consensus through further clarification, or win the other party's understanding.

When it comes to filial piety, you can communicate effectively with your parents, express your views and positions, and reassure them with actions. This way, they will feel at ease and secure, and believe that you love and respect them, even if the form is different.

3️⃣, Emotion management

Managing your emotions well is crucial for handling family relationships, intimate relationships, and interpersonal relationships. Emotion management is:

Recognize your emotions.

This is the first step in emotional management. You must recognize what you are feeling. This could be anxiety, anger, sadness, or something else.

You must accept your emotions.

Healthy emotions are those that are consistent with the situation. When your emotional experience is consistent with objective events, accept your emotions by telling yourself, "My current emotions are normal."

This way of thinking will reduce emotional tension and naturally restore calm within.

Expressing emotions is key.

When expressing emotions, we are expressing our own emotions, and the subject is "I." I say "I...," and I say "My feelings...."

Cultivate your emotions.

You can cultivate and practice emotion management in the following ways.

1) Living a regular life will stabilize your emotions.

2) Develop a hobby. Let positive emotions drive you. Love yourself and love life. Feel the beauty of life.

3) Care for and take care of others. Let love dwell in your heart. Helping others is the greatest joy. Help others help themselves.

4) Connect with nature and embrace the essence of heaven and earth to open your heart and calm your emotions.

5) Make executive friends and spend time with emotionally stable people to reduce emotional interference and fluctuations.

Questioner, Our emotions are often tied to our understanding of a problem. When we communicate effectively with others, misunderstandings are reduced, and relationships become harmonious. Coupled with effective communication, I am confident that any problem in the family can be resolved because the message will be received correctly. Nothing is difficult in the world, only the lack of determination.

Parents are reasonable people. Give them time to get used to your ideas.

I wish the original poster a happy life!

Hello. I can sense from your brief question that you are experiencing a great deal of stress, frustration, and helplessness.

The expectation of repayment from parents can create a sense of obligation and dependency in children, which may limit their autonomy and autonomy. It can also convey the message that children are viewed as extensions of their parents, rather than as independent individuals with their own needs and responsibilities. Additionally, parents may express their expectations in ways that can feel accusatory or critical, which can be challenging for children to navigate emotionally.

The essence of the parent-child bond is a relationship of "love" that is rooted in blood and upbringing. "Love" is an active, free-spirited, and personal emotion. However, our traditional culture often conflates "love" with a sense of loyalty and responsibility to the family, which can result in a passive, controlled, and symbiotic dynamic in the relationship.

In this situation, children may experience two negative emotional experiences. First, their parents' love may not be as unconditional as they claim, which could lead to feelings of frustration and self-doubt. Second, the boundary of the parent-child relationship may become blurred by the belief in repaying kindness, which could result in children feeling controlled and prevent them from achieving complete independence. The issue of dependence and separation may become a long-term challenge due to the perception of "unrepayable kindness."

It is important to remember that parents' views are shaped by their upbringing and education. This can result in differences between parents and children, which is a common social phenomenon. It is possible that your parents' definition of love is influenced by their personal experiences. It is understandable if they do not love you in the way you desire, and if it makes you feel sad or uncomfortable. This does not mean that they lack love for you. It is simply a matter of recognizing that all love has its limits.

Additionally, you have the option of defining your own approach to loving your parents. It is important to distinguish between loving and respecting your parents and completely obeying them. You have the freedom to set your own boundaries and express your love for your parents in a way that is comfortable for you. However, it is also essential to cultivate your independence and lead your own life.

The psychologist Winnicott once proposed the concept of a "good enough mother," which suggests that a caregiver does not have to be 100% perfect, and that 60% is a commendable level of care. I believe this concept can be applied to children as well. While it is not possible to be 100% perfect, we can strive to be a good enough 60%.

Good day. I extend my sincerest regards to you in the form of a 360-degree hug.

From the limited information provided, it is evident that your parents' statements and actions have caused significant distress and emotional distress, as well as affecting your quality of life. You are seeking guidance on how to reconcile the expectations of kindness and obligations from parents.

Opinions on this matter vary. My view is that parents and children can achieve mutual success. The raising of young children can be viewed as a transfer of resources over time.

The mutual benefit between parents and children is established at an early age, when parents invest their resources to raise their children, in exchange for the care of their children when they are old.

Even if they say, "I simply like children, so I had a child and raised it, but I don't expect the child to repay me in old age," they have still benefited from raising a child. For example, they have gained companionship, the child's concern for their parents, their innocent dependence and complete trust in their parents, etc. All of these can bring joy to their parents.

Your parents have expressed their views on kindness and obligation. They believe that the care they provide is provided at no additional cost.

However, there is an underlying expectation of reciprocity in the form of financial compensation or obedience. This is not your intention.

I believe you are willing to be filial to your parents and recognize their contributions. However, you feel constrained by their words and actions, and you are also experiencing helplessness and frustration.

It is important to understand that parents will rarely change their minds. It is unlikely that you can expect them to alter their perspective. It seems that you have already engaged in discussions and even arguments with your parents. You expressed your desire for them to stop making these statements and to recognize that you are not neglecting them. However, they continue to hold these beliefs. It is possible that they do not doubt your ability to care for them, but that they have become accustomed to expressing these opinions. They may have heard similar statements from others or may have internalized these beliefs from their own experiences.

It is challenging to alter their cognitive beliefs. If you anticipate them to alter their discourse, you may experience a sense of relief. However, this is not as beneficial as modifying your own perceptions and adopting a rational perspective on your parents and the parent-child dynamic.

It is more straightforward to make changes to oneself than to others.

Firstly, it is important to accept that your parents will not change. This means accepting that you have parents who are selfless towards their children but also hold a grudge.

It is important to accept that your parents are who they are and that you cannot expect them to change. You can acknowledge this by saying, "I accept that I had terrible parents and that they cannot become the parents I want."

Secondly, it is important to consider your parents' comments in a rational manner. It is essential to understand that their comments and actions are a reflection of their own views and experiences, and not necessarily a reflection of yours.

However, due to the negative emotions triggered by their words, these emotions become your own. When you can accept that your parents are not perfect, you are less likely to be hurt by their words.

It is important to remember that each individual is responsible for their own actions and opinions.

Third, if you wish to avoid conflict, allow them to express their views and act in accordance with your own. If their comments align with your expectations, listen. If they are not aligned with your expectations, ignore them.

Even if they disseminate information about your unfilial behavior and if all your relatives express negative opinions about you, it is advisable to refrain from engaging with them further. It is important to recognize that individuals have the freedom to express their opinions, and while we cannot control what they say, we can control our own reactions to their words and actions.

We have the option of ignoring them, engaging in direct debate, or employing logical argumentation to attempt to influence their perspective. However, it is important to recognize that changing their minds may prove challenging, and therefore, this approach may not be feasible in all cases.

Should you choose to confront them, be prepared for the accusation of kidnapping. This often requires a high level of mental fortitude and personal resilience.

The most recommended approach is to simply ignore it. It is not possible to control the actions of others, so it is not possible to control your own thoughts.

It should be noted that ignoring them also requires a certain amount of psychological strength, as you will be given negative feedback.

I am unaware of the specifics of your situation, so I will make a general assumption. If you work night shifts and I am unsure if you live with your parents, you may wish to consider the following advice. If you lack the courage to confront them directly and are concerned about the potential consequences, such as being threatened with eviction by your parents, then it may be advisable to simply agree to their requests.

Fourth, enhance your personal capabilities, whether in the areas of work, income generation, or mental fortitude. Only then will you possess the confidence to decline and to coexist with your parents in a manner that is comfortable for you.

In fact, when it comes to supporting your parents, I believe the best course of action is to do what you can and be content with yourself. Just support your parents according to your own abilities and be content with yourself.

The satisfaction of the parents is not a concern of the children. If the parents are truly dissatisfied with their children, that is a matter for them to address.

You may wish to consider speaking with a counselor.

As a counselor, I recognize that I have a tendency to be pessimistic at times, but I also have a positive outlook. I genuinely care about the world and about you.

Hello, I'm responding to your question.

From what you've said, it seems like your parents always imply that they love you, and the pressure of life has made you feel very stressed, sad, hurt, and aggrieved. I understand how you feel.

From the parents' perspective, they always say that you can't repay the kindness of parents. This is really an expectation and hope. They hope that their children can be grateful and appreciate this hard-won kindness.

At the same time, parents are actually very afraid of being abandoned. They also have a sense of security and need the company and feedback of their children to feel safer. Instead of getting too caught up in the problem of "not being able to repay them," we should repay our parents' kindness with a grateful heart.

My advice is:

[1] Try to understand why you feel the way you do. Accept yourself for who you are. As parents, we need to take care of ourselves first, then find a way to communicate with them calmly. Let them know you appreciate their kindness, but you also need their support and care. Express these things tactfully, and your parents will understand.

[2] Try to express your thoughts and feelings. Let your parents know that we understand their sacrifices and that we'll do our best to repay them.

However, this kind of reciprocity shouldn't be a burden. It should be an expression of your own thoughts without emotions, out of love and respect.

[3] It's important to maintain a sense of boundaries with your parents. This is something we all need to do, except for ourselves. It means knowing our own limits and treating others as independent individuals. After all, everyone has a mind of their own. Maintaining boundaries is something we can all do.

[4] Learn to be strong, think for yourself, and form your own values and outlook on life. Don't make the mistake of thinking that your relationship with your parents should be based solely on kindness and obligation. A healthy family relationship should be based on mutual understanding, respect, and love. Learn about part-time work, form a correct and stable self, and influence each other during your time together. We'll discover that everyone will change in different ways.

I hope this is useful for you.

What a great question!

Dealing with parents who "always emphasize that the debt of gratitude to their parents cannot be repaid" can be a challenge—but it's also an opportunity for growth and understanding!

The good news is that with a little time and effort, you can establish healthy communication in your family.

I'm excited to share some thoughts with you that I think you'll find really helpful!

First of all, I highly recommend that you remain patient and understanding.

Your parents may not be able to put themselves in your shoes and think for you, but they sure do try! This way of expressing themselves makes you feel the negative emotional experience of "just lying there and crying."

However, I encourage you to be patient and understanding. Your parents may not be able to express themselves well or understand your emotions for various reasons, but that doesn't mean they don't care about you!

The kindness of parents is a fact and a real thing, so it's important to put yourself in their shoes and consider their position and feelings, as well as the possible reasons behind their words and actions.

For example, as they age, changes in their health may cause them to feel insecure and uncertain about the future. But don't worry! They may need to repeatedly emphasize that "the kindness of parents cannot be repaid" to increase their sense of security and control.

Second, you should definitely try to express your thoughts and feelings as clearly and frankly as possible!

Don't stop communicating just because you're feeling negative emotions like "it's too hard."

You should absolutely not refrain from expressing yourself just because communication is difficult! You should also avoid ambiguous or suggestive expressions so that your parents can easily understand what you are thinking.

If you can express your feelings, it's a great idea to try to find common ground and interests with your parents. You might be able to build a bridge by focusing on their trust and expectations of you.

Finding common ground is a great way to build connections and strengthen communication!

Once again, on the basis of being able to express and find common ground, it's so important to carefully listen to the opinions and views of your parents, and try to respect their position as much as possible.

Parents have their own life issues that they need to face and resolve on their own, and that's okay!

Even if you think their views or the way they express them are problematic, you can absolutely communicate with respect and understanding!

Do your best to avoid over-intervening or blaming your parents. Instead, show them respect by respecting their independence and dignity!

If you find that you're unable to change your parents' behavior or attitude, don't worry! You can simply choose to let go, accept the reality, and focus on your own growth and happiness.

Of course, if things progress further and the words and actions of your parents really affect your mental health or personal life, it's time to set clear boundaries!

It's so important to firmly express your needs and boundaries, and to insist on maintaining those boundaries!

And remember, when you're talking to your parents, don't be too passive or serious. Sometimes a relaxed or joking tone can really help you get your point across!

And finally, just as you came to the platform for help, if you feel that you cannot handle the situation alone, it is recommended that you seek as much external support as possible!

There are so many great options out there! You could try close friends, other family members, community organizations, or online support groups.

Sharing your feelings and concerns with others is a great way to get unexpected emotional support and sound advice!

However, if you find that you're still struggling with negative situations like "it's too hard" and "I can't sleep" after trying to handle them on your own, it's a great idea to seek help from a psychologist!

They will be able to provide you with more professional and specific guidance and support!

We really hope this helps you!

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

It is often assumed that parents and children have a duty to care for each other in old age. However, when parents encourage their children to be grateful, this can create a sense of obligation and pressure for the child.

It could be said that emotions arise from invisible pressure.

The questioner, who had just finished a night shift, was eager to rest and sleep after a long day. However, when she saw her mother post a video of a mother bird feeding her baby and write, "Only the food your parents give you is free," it brought to mind how her parents had often emphasized the debt of gratitude she owed them. This kind of behavior evoked a strong emotional response in the questioner, who found herself overwhelmed with emotion and tears while lying down.

The questioner is not ungrateful towards their parents and has never considered not supporting them in their old age. However, their parents' approach to parenting, which could be perceived as moralistic and coercive, and the way in which the concept of gratitude towards one's parents is instilled, can make the questioner feel under pressure and resentful of their parents' constant reminders that they must be grateful.

It may be the case that the questioner's parents' occasional reminders are an unintentional sharing of parent-child topics, but it is possible that they are also hiding their own little thoughts in the sharing, always warning the questioner not to forget their roots and not to forget their parents' feelings of raising them.

It is possible that the parents themselves lack the confidence that the questioner will support them in their old age, or perhaps they are simply sharing their feelings. In either case, they have not considered the impact this behavior will have on the questioner.

How might one respond to frequent reminders from one's parents about the importance of gratitude?

It's natural for parents to have certain expectations for their children. Some parents try to hint at things in different ways to make their children understand them, but they may not realize that guessing won't always achieve the desired effect. So what could have been solved with a clear explanation might instead become a matter of repeated hints.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the parents' perspective. The short accompanying text seems to show the heart and thoughts of the parents. It's possible that the parents of the questioner have a purpose in posting the video and accompanying text, such as to let the questioner know where their feelings come from. It's also possible that it's just a simple feeling.

It's important to remember that the questioner is not the parent, and without the same experience, it can be challenging to empathize. It's possible that the parent's perception of the situation may differ from the questioner's understanding. This could explain why the questioner initially had a difficult reaction to the content and caption of the video posted by their mother. It's understandable that the questioner might have interpreted the video as a reminder to be grateful, given their understanding of their mother's actions.

It's important to remember that none of us are the OP's parents, so we can't be sure that the OP's mother is reminding the OP. It's also possible that she was moved when she saw a video with this content and recalled the kindness of her own parents to her. It's understandable that she always reminds the OP because she herself cannot repay her parents' kindness.

It is often said that there is a generation gap in communication between parents and children. This is because parents often want to use their own experiences to guide their children, hoping to steer them away from what they perceive as a less desirable path. However, children often want to explore their own unique life paths in their own way and may be reluctant to be controlled or arranged by their parents.

It is important to note that communication is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. When there is a lack of communication, it can lead to misunderstandings and difficulties, which can eventually affect the parent-child relationship.

The questioner might consider selecting an appropriate time and environment, sitting down with their parents, and engaging in a constructive dialogue about this issue. They could inquire about the reasons behind their parents' tendency to remind them of their parents' kindness, and whether there might be aspects of their behavior that could benefit from reflection and improvement.

If you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts on the matter, I would love to hear them. My parents instilled in me the importance of gratitude. I believe there is no need to worry excessively or to seek constant reminders. As I express my views, I also hope to help the questioner's parents recognize that their actions may be perceived as inappropriate and causing the questioner distress.

It might be helpful to consider that the reason the questioner resists his parents' instilling of a sense of gratitude is because such behavior from his parents makes him feel an invisible pressure and suffocation. It's possible that the parents' kindness cannot be repaid because they have high expectations for their children. Not having a standard to meet can be challenging because it's not always clear how to meet your parents' expectations.

It is important to remember not to place undue pressure on yourself and to avoid letting that pressure amplify your sense of responsibility. Everyone has their own capacity, and it is valuable to give and repay according to one's abilities, rather than feeling compelled to achieve a certain level based on one's parents' standards.

It might be helpful to consider that everyone has their own capacity, and that they should give and repay according to their abilities. Rather than forcing themselves to achieve a certain level according to their parents' standards, it could be beneficial to admit that you have limited abilities and use methods that suit you to relieve the negative emotions caused by excessive stress. When emotions and stress are relieved, it may be possible to adopt a different mindset to look at and face things. This could help you to cope and transform your emotions in a shorter period of time, even if you are unhappy with your parents' constant reminders.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Best wishes,

In traditional Chinese culture, filial piety is an important concept that emphasizes gratitude and respect for parents. In Confucian culture, filial piety is considered a duty of children and is one of the traditional five relationships.

It is widely acknowledged that parents devote themselves to their children, providing them with material and emotional support. In light of this, it is often seen as the responsibility of children to repay their parents for their upbringing.

However, this concept can also potentially lead to some stress, especially when children feel that they cannot fully fulfill these obligations. In modern society, with the increasing emphasis on the values of individualism and self-realization, people have begun to think more about personal happiness and self-realization.

It is natural for you to feel grateful towards your parents and want to repay them. However, it is also important to remember that your parents are giving out of love, not expecting anything in return.

It is important to remember that parents' love is unconditional and that they do not expect their children to repay it in a specific way.

We hope the following suggestions will be of help to you in dealing with these emotions:

1. **Communication and expression**: It might be helpful to communicate your feelings with your parents, tell them you understand their sacrifices, and also express your own pressures and challenges.

2. **Balance gratitude and personal development**: While being grateful for your parents' love and care, it is also important to recognize your own personal values and goals, and to work hard to achieve personal happiness and self-development.

3. **Respect and filial piety**: While respecting and being filial to your parents, it is also important to take care of your own physical and mental health. Try to find a balance that can satisfy your parents' expectations while also making you feel satisfied and happy.

4. Independence: It would be beneficial to gradually cultivate your own independence, both financially and emotionally, so that you can make your own life choices more freely.

5. There are many ways to repay your parents. While material gifts are always appreciated, there are other ways to show your gratitude. You can repay them with care, companionship, and making them feel proud.

6. If you feel overwhelmed, you might consider seeking the help of a psychologist, who can provide professional advice and support.

It is important to remember that while the kindness of parents is priceless, your own life is also important. Try to find a balance that allows you to respect and repay the kindness of your parents while also maintaining your own well-being and mental health.

The question posed is a thoughtful one, addressing a complex and contentious issue. How should we conceptualize the role of parents in terms of both kindness and obligation?

This issue requires a different perspective.

From a legal standpoint, the law grants parents the right, responsibility, and obligation to procreate and raise their children. This signifies that the law permits parents to have children, but once they have had children, they are obliged to provide for and educate them. Parents are prohibited from allowing their children to suffer from hunger, thirst, or cold, and they are also required to furnish financial assistance so that their children can attend school and pursue their studies. This is both the responsibility and obligation of parents, and parents are expected to fulfill these responsibilities until their children reach the age of 18. After the age of 18, various forms of support are no longer the responsibility or obligation of parents.

Conversely, when parents lack financial resources in their later years and are unable to care for themselves, they require financial assistance and help with daily activities from their children. This is a responsibility and obligation that the law assigns to children, and it cannot be avoided.

From a social and ethical perspective, the birth of children by parents represents not only a natural law but also the passing on of the family line. This process is often referred to as "passing on the family name and ensuring the succession of the family line." Prior to the birth of their children from their mothers' wombs, parents have the option to choose whether or not to have them. The decision to give birth to their children can be considered the first "favor" that parents do for their children, providing them with life and the opportunity to enter this world.

The subsequent stage is when parents meticulously nurture and attend to their offspring, which represents the second "favor" that children bestow upon their progeny. Some individuals may assert that the care of children is the obligation of parents and cannot be regarded as a favor. However, there is a distinction to be made. Parents furnish their children with the essentials of sustenance, shelter, and protection. If they are merely fulfilling their responsibilities, provided that they ensure their children's basic needs are met, they are at liberty to provide their offspring with whatever they desire to consume, drink, wear, and inhabit. They are under no obligation to consider the nutritional value and health benefits of their food and drink, the attractiveness and comfort of their attire, the suitability and convenience of their living arrangements, or the suitability and convenience of their use. In other words, if parents possess merely a sense of responsibility towards their children and not love, they need not fret so much.

Subsequently, when the child reaches the age of 18, the parents' assistance with their child's university studies constitutes the third "favor." At this juncture, the parents are no longer responsible for bearing the financial burden of their child's studies, yet the child remains so. Nevertheless, a considerable number of parents continue to assume this obligation rather than relinquishing it to the child. Additionally, numerous parents provide their children with various forms of support when they experience romantic relationships, enter into matrimony, purchase real estate, or procure vehicles, among other instances, which can be regarded as the fourth "favor" from the parents.

Some individuals may assert that their parents compelled them to marry, and that they are reluctant to accept this form of assistance from their parents. In such cases, it is my contention that, as long as they decline this offer, their parents are without recourse. By accepting this assistance, however, these individuals have effectively demonstrated their willingness to accept their parents' help. Furthermore, when parents assist their children with childcare, this constitutes the fifth "favor" they bestow upon their children. It is important to note that the law does not mandate parents to assume responsibility for helping their children with childcare. Instead, they do so out of affection.

Parents who do not assist their children with childcare are not encumbered by the same concerns and are able to pursue their own activities without hindrance. Assisting with childcare is a demanding and exhausting task, and parents who do not bear the responsibility of raising their children are likely to experience less fatigue.

A comparison of the two positions reveals a clear distinction. The aforementioned opinions are offered for the questioner's consideration and reference.

Hello!

"Parents always emphasize to me the inestimable value of parental love." Regarding this situation, I've noticed that people around me also have similar experiences. I'd like to share some of my feelings with you in the hope that they might be helpful.

1. It may be the case that what your parents want is not to be repaid, but to be valued.

From what you have shared, it seems that your parents are probably in their golden years. They may be experiencing a gradual decline in their physical abilities and a reduction in their social circles.

It seems that, for them, loneliness and anxiety are part of their daily reality. They may not be seeking material things, but rather a sense of belonging and care.

2. Perhaps we could try to sort through some of your feelings together.

Let's try to sort this out together. When you saw the video your mother posted, it must have been quite difficult for you.

From what I can gather from your description, it seems that you have a genuine appreciation for your parents and their challenges.

At the same time, it seems there may be some fatigue and guilt involved. Could I perhaps understand it this way?

It's possible that you were feeling quite tired at the time. It can be challenging to balance our physical and mental needs, and it's understandable that you felt a bit overwhelmed.

Perhaps it would be helpful to experience this again when you are feeling more rested. Getting enough sleep, eating well, and taking a good rest are really important for a person.

3. It's possible there are other underlying needs at play here.

From your description, it seems that this may not be the first time you have been asked by your parents to "repay the favor," or something similar. I'm not sure of the exact words they used, but it seems like their request may have placed a significant amount of pressure on you.

I believe that when parents express their thoughts, it's also important for them to listen to their children's thoughts and feelings.

It is possible that their ideas may not be the absolute truth. What are your thoughts on this?

I hope you can find a way to have a good chat with each other.

Hello, my dear friend! Thank you so much for your reply. I'm Shelley, a professional coach.

The text is short, but you can feel the huge resistance in your heart. It's totally normal to feel this way! Attachment created by feelings of guilt can be very hurtful, so you instinctively want to break free. There's no need to beat yourself up too much, my dear. ?

From the perspective of attachment relationships, your mother has a lot of attachment wounds that she needs to work through on her own. As a child, you don't have to take on this part for your parents.

This is what we mean by setting boundaries and returning the responsibility to the parents. But don't worry, as children, you can respond and give feedback from the perspective of a child. For example, when you see your parents in pain, how should you face it in order to be a good child?

It's so important to remember that your parents are your parents, and you're your own person with your own thoughts and feelings. It can be really easy to confuse the two, especially when you're still young and your parents are still your world. But as you grow up, you'll find your own identity and you'll realise that you don't need to take on what your parents want just because they want it. So, for example, if your mum posts videos that make you feel guilty, you can remind yourself that she's feeling lonely and sad, and that what she really needs is your dad's attention and care. You can just play the role of a good daughter, awaken her motherly consciousness, and say something loving, such as "I miss you," "I miss your delicious food," or "I miss your caring."

When we have clear boundaries, we can all return to our rightful places without imposing on each other. I really think you'll find this works well. Give it a try, I'm sure you'll love it! ?

Dear Question Asker, I am a Heart Exploration coach.

I have carefully read the issues and confusion you outlined on the platform. Are you currently experiencing a high level of confusion? You are seeking guidance on how to view the obligations and responsibilities of parents. Your parents consistently emphasize that the kindness of parents cannot be repaid. You observed your mother post a video of a mother bird feeding her baby birds, accompanied by the text, "Only the food your parents provide is free for every bite." You found it difficult to watch and wanted to rest. However, you were unable to sleep and instead spent time crying, unsure of how to proceed.

It is important to recognize that everyone has their own opinions and views. Regardless of what your parents say or do, and they are not wrong, the people who love their children the most in this world are their parents. Whether or not you repay their love is up to your conscience. It is essential to do what you believe is right and not be unduly influenced by the opinions and judgments of others.

Assist in the analysis and classification of the information presented.

1. Unconditional love and giving

In this world, parents' love for their children is unconditional. Regardless of their children's actions or future achievements, parents' love for them remains constant. This also varies based on the family's socioeconomic status. This unconditional love is a distinctive and invaluable quality of parents.

2. Unconditional love and support

As you gain more insight into this matter, you will find that in this world, parents' love is a kind of unrequited giving. It is important to note that there are a few selfish individuals who do not know how to be parents. Parents have invested significant effort and energy in raising their children, but they do not expect their children to return their love. They never have the thought in their hearts that they want their children to repay them. It is just a lifetime of raising children without regrets. Parents' greatest wish is to see their children healthy, happy, and successful, and they do not have any other expectations. This is the true feeling in the hearts of most parents.

3. A firm but gentle expression of love

In general, parental love is a kind of firm support and commitment. When their children face setbacks and failures, parents will always support them firmly, not just criticize them. They will encourage them to keep trying and will never look at them askance. In their hearts, parents always think their children are the best. With their support, their children can face the various difficulties and challenges in life with greater confidence.

4. Freedom and support are hallmarks of a loving relationship.

Parents' love is a form of support that allows children to flourish. Parents are not inclined to restrict their children's career development. They provide unwavering support regardless of their children's chosen profession, encouraging them to explore and develop their full potential. With this freedom and backing, children can better realize their self-worth and become independent and autonomous individuals. Parents' love is a form of unassuming care. Parents often demonstrate silent attention to their children's lives and exert considerable effort on their behalf. Their care consistently provides warmth and strength to their children. As children, simply being happy is the greatest comfort for parents.

I hope this information is helpful. If you require further assistance, please contact me via my personal homepage. Select the Heart Exploration service and send me a message directly. Best regards, [Name]

The question is good.

I'm Kelly Shui.

What are your thoughts on the parents' kindness and obligations? It's often said that parents' kindness can't be repaid.

After reading your text, I get the impression that you're feeling a bit depressed and aggrieved, and that there are also parts of your parents that you're struggling to accept.

[About kindness and obligation]

Back in the '70s, my parents always stressed filial piety and being sensible. Or they'd say they had it tough.

If you understand them in the context of the times, a lot of what parents do is related to their environment.

Everyone who becomes a parent is influenced by their own parents and their original family. Family therapy looks at this from a systems perspective.

For instance, who taught the parents to interact this way?

What are the parents' motivations for emphasizing this?

Some parents are actually pretty insecure and worry that their kids will "forget" or "abandon" them. If they don't get a response from their kids, they'll also worry that they haven't communicated clearly and will keep sharing their thoughts.

You can view the interactions between your parents and grandparents from the perspective of the family system or the interactions with your grandparents. How do they repay the kindness and fulfill some of the obligations and responsibilities as children?

Let your parents know what you think are the good things they've done for you, and give them a pat on the back for the good things they've done. Some people will let go of their expectations when they're understood and empathized with.

Some parents and children interact in ways that are unique to them, just like a friend of mine.

Her parents always want her to be respectful and responsible, but over time she feels resentful because she usually does a good job and takes care of her parents.

One time, she spoke with her parents directly and asked them if she was not being sufficiently filial or sensible.

Her questions made her parents think again. They realized that repeating the same words can sometimes make others resent them.

She said that she later communicated more directly with her parents, without holding back, and this led to a much more harmonious family dynamic.

You can also ask your parents to talk together and be open with them about what they expect from each other. What do they understand by affection and obligation?

It's also important to understand that this is related to their own internal insecurity.

[Embrace yourself]

You brought up a good point.

The kindness of parents cannot be repaid. I just got off a night shift and saw my mom post a video of a mother bird feeding her chicks, with the caption, "Only your parents give you every bite of food for free." It was tough to watch.

When you realize you're in pain, take some time to understand what that feels like.

If you could express your feelings, what would you say?

Maybe you have your own expectations too. You come home tired from work and feel like your parents don't understand you. Instead, they make you feel a bit "accused" and misunderstood.

I think you really care what your parents say and love them a lot, which is why you're emotional.

Do you share your thoughts when you feel frustrated or uncomfortable at work?

If you speak up, who will change faster, your mom or your dad?

Do your parents have any emotional issues related to menopause? It's important to accept your thoughts and feelings and understand why you care so much about what your parents say.

Once you're able to understand your own thoughts and emotions, you'll be able to find a method that works for you.

Learn to distinguish between boundaries and issues, and you'll become more aware through repeated awareness and expression. Awareness.

You can also talk to your mother directly. You're tired after work and could use some care.

Or maybe your mom is used to sending messages, so give yourself the freedom to express yourself openly. You can also allow yourself to stay up at night or cry a little while lying down, and express your grievances through tears, writing, or drawing.

We see your questions, and we'll all be happy to respond with different perspectives.

The most important thing is to interact with your family honestly and directly. This will help you to develop a new you.

Have faith in your parents and yourself. Everyone's feelings and attitudes may change as a result of your changes and communication.

You can also focus on yourself, do things you enjoy, and take a break when you need to.

We suggest reading "Fearless Anxiety" and "Self-Boundaries."