How should I resolve conflicts with my boyfriend? What if we have conflicts after getting married?

Listen up,

You identified the problem and raised it in a timely manner, which is a great approach. Falling in love is easy, but getting along is hard. There are two main reasons why this is difficult: the differences caused by objective conditions such as the growth environment and social resources of both parties, and the different perceptions of the importance of communication in getting along between men and women.

It is normal for conflicts to arise between a man and a woman when they get along. They must be able to face problems head-on and actively seek solutions if they want to improve their relationship. This is also the reason why marriage needs to be worked at. Both parties must confirm that they are willing to face differences head-on and make adjustments and changes accordingly.

From your account, it's clear that you haven't spent much time together over the long term and have had very little experience dealing with arguments. This is normal, but it's important to address it before the wedding date approaches and conflicts arise. Don't let your fear of marriage hold you back.

A relationship without arguments is like cooking without chili peppers: it's not essential, but ultimately lacking. This is not to say that arguments are good, but they are an inevitable part of any relationship and they show how both partners resolve conflicts. This provides a more comprehensive and objective understanding of the other person.

Dating is a process in which a man and a woman get to know each other and affirm each other. This includes both the other person's strengths and, of course, their weaknesses. The latter are especially important for getting along after marriage. Marriage is not an ivory tower; it's a magnifying glass. It's essential to get to know each other well in a relationship and to have a concept of each other's bottom lines. It's also essential to establish a way of communicating that is comfortable for both parties.

There are many ways to deal with conflicts, and cold treatment is one of them. Cold treatment does not mean ignoring problems and letting them go. It means dealing with them again, depending on the circumstances and your own situation. It's like sand in your shoes. If it's a sudden situation during a sprint, you can only sprint with all your strength and deal with the sand after the race. If you find sand in your shoes while walking, you should take them off and clean them as soon as possible before continuing.

The same goes for conflicts in a relationship. You must detect and intervene in them as soon as possible. Do not let them fester and become a mess. In the end, life is serious, and so is the way you get along with each other.

Human character is relatively stable. This means that although adults will differ in how they communicate, their fundamental methods are constant. Introverts heal through writing and music, while extroverts vent their stress through sharing and conversation. As long as different personalities find a comfortable way of communicating, they can establish a positive interaction. Once this model is established, the method itself becomes a habit in communication. This is why it is essential to communicate more and try to simulate the post-marriage scenario as much as possible in a relationship. This will not only increase the intimacy of your relationship, but also allow you to better transition to the actual life after marriage.

The host has already recognized the significance of communication. It is crucial to establish a productive and positive interaction with your significant other as soon as possible to embrace new opportunities in life. I wish you happiness.

Good day, My name is Jiang 61, and I am a listening therapist.

I am pleased to have been able to provide you with an answer to your question. You had asked, "How should I resolve conflicts with my boyfriend?"

"I advised that different individuals will have different solutions."

After reviewing your detailed description, I understand that you developed this issue before the wedding due to two minor conflicts between you and your partner. You began to worry about whether your married life would be full of conflicts, and you developed pre-marital jitters as a result. Let me reassure you that there is no cause for concern.

Please allow me to explain further.

1. After three years of cohabitation, you are already familiar with each other's personalities.

I advise against concern on the following grounds:

1. You have been in a relationship for three years and have only rarely experienced disagreements.

It is uncommon for individuals to be able to deliberately hide their flaws from each other over a period of three years. To illustrate this, consider the following calculations: you are only together for two days a week, which is 112 days a year, and 336 days over three years, which is almost a year.

In the course of a year, you have had the opportunity to observe each other's natural state of life on a regular basis.

The lack of arguments between you demonstrates a high level of compatibility and tolerance for each other.

2. The occurrence of two minor conflicts in quick succession is not a cause for concern.

As you have described it, the lack of work to occupy your time has led to more time spent together, which has brought up issues between you. This has led you to wonder if there will be further conflicts if you remain together in the future.

Your subconscious mind is indicating that this is not the optimal way to live, which is causing you to become fearful.

Your trepidation is a result of your catastrophic thinking, which has precipitated a state of panic regarding the prospect of marriage.

Catastrophic thinking, which is characterized by questions such as "What if...?" amplifies concerns, negative thinking, and the perceived severity of potential outcomes. This can lead to excessive worry about expectations not aligning with reality.

Upon closer analysis, it has been determined that your concern stems from the fact that when he is unhappy, he does not respond to your concern, leaving you unclear about the reason. This has led to feelings of suspicion and irrational thinking, which in turn have caused you to feel uncomfortable.

The issue lies with both parties. Despite the lack of conflict, there is a need to improve understanding of each other's expectations regarding love and affection. Once this is achieved, the conflict will be resolved.

Therefore, this minor conflict does not present an insurmountable obstacle to the success of your marriage.

3. The key to resolving this issue is to modify the way you communicate.

I am uncertain if the minor conflict you referenced is related to two distinct issues: your boyfriend is withholding information from you, which has led to suspicion, and you are seeking clarity on the matter. Regardless, it is essential to modify your communication style before addressing your concerns.

Secondly, if you accept that conflict is an inherent part of life, you will be better equipped to manage it effectively.

It is essential to set aside your concerns and

1. Understand each other's love languages.

What are the languages of love? There are five languages of love: words of affirmation, moments of intimacy, gifts that are received, acts of service, and physical touch.

From your description, your boyfriend appears to be keeping his issues to himself and is reluctant to discuss them when you ask. This indicates that he may be using your relationship as a means of avoiding confrontation.

Allow him the time and space to work out the situation independently. Demonstrating understanding through this action is an effective way to show your support and appreciation.

Men are accustomed to addressing issues internally, rather than discussing them.

It is important to note that your language of love is my business. Regardless of whether it is related to you or not, it is essential to keep me informed and to involve me when necessary. It is also crucial to address issues promptly to prevent them from escalating. Demonstrating this level of commitment to each other is a key aspect of fostering a healthy and thriving relationship.

It appears that there is a lack of understanding between you regarding each other's love languages. Addressing this issue will help to strengthen your relationship.

2. It is important to recognize that conflict is a normal part of life and that it is not a permanent issue.

The fact that you have elevated the minor conflicts between the two of you to the major issue of whether to get married demonstrates a lack of confidence. It appears that you do not believe you can handle the conflicts between the two of you, and you have magnified the consequences of the conflicts.

It is not uncommon for individuals from disparate cultural backgrounds to have differing perspectives. However, this does not necessarily lead to adverse outcomes. You have demonstrated an ability to recognize this and apply a logical approach to problem-solving. Consequently, the perceived challenge has been effectively addressed.

3. Cultivate the ability to compromise.

It is not necessary for two people to decide who is right and who is wrong when they get along. The ability to understand each other and give each other room is something that can be learned and developed over time.

From your consideration of the most appropriate approach to minor issues, I can see your ability to reflect on your own actions. I believe you will be able to manage your marriage successfully.

I wish you both the best.

Hello, question asker! I'm Jia Ao, and I'm not looking for trouble.

After reading your post, I understand your concerns. Marriage is a big step, and it's natural to have some worries. You mentioned that you're concerned about potential conflicts after marriage. It's good to think about how you'll handle disagreements in the future.

In response to your question, let me help you analyze and sort it out.

It turns out you usually spend one or two days a week together, and your relationship is going really well with hardly any arguments. As they say, "distance creates beauty." Now that you suddenly spend more time together, there are bound to be bumps in the road. Your worries are not excessive. As long as you are not married yet and are still in the trial period, you should care deeply about your relationship. You have planned for this, so you will think more long-term: "Will we fight a lot every day after we get married? Are we really suitable for marriage? What if we have conflicts after we get married?

These are issues you'll undoubtedly face in the future, so it's important to think through and resolve them.

You've been together for over three years and are about to get engaged, which shows that your relationship is really strong. If you can make it work, it'll be great! I wish you the best and also commend you for being self-aware. You're a sentimental, clear-headed, and rational girl. You've considered the future and hope for a long-lasting, stable relationship that won't be affected by the trivialities of life.

The love theory proposed by American psychologist Sternberg believes that love consists of three basic components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Passion is the sexual component of love and is emotionally fascinating; intimacy refers to the warm experience that can be aroused in a romantic relationship; and commitment refers to the decision to maintain the relationship or a guarantee. You're now ready to make this relationship stable, so you want to go hand in hand and walk into each other's lives. (The theory of the three elements of love comes from Baidu Encyclopedia)

❓ [Find common ground while setting aside differences]

Here's where there might be a bit of friction between you:

"He keeps everything inside, and if you ask him what's wrong, he won't say. But then he gets over it."

"I tend to worry and get anxious easily. If I don't clear my mind, I'll feel really sad." "I'm not sure if he's unhappy because of me or something else."

What are your concerns?

"In life, if you ignore minor issues that don't involve principles and let them pass, will they add up over time? Or will they be forgotten over time?"

From what you've said, it seems like you and your boyfriend have very different personalities. You're anxious, sensitive, and insecure, while your boyfriend is more of an avoidant type who prefers to avoid talking about conflicts. This also involves gender differences, but most boys will express their unhappiness in this way.

But if you can establish a healthy pattern of getting along together, you can avoid this. It's important to allow for differences between you. As the saying goes, "There are no two leaves in the world that are the same." It's also important to adjust your attitude. Don't keep trying to reform the other person or blindly project your subjective will and emotions onto the other person, wanting the other person to completely follow your wishes. This is unrealistic and will hurt each other's feelings, which is not conducive to the long-term stable development of the relationship.

Love is a weapon.

If you want to stay together for the long haul, the only way to deal with any issues is through mutual love. When you're getting to know each other better, you'll probably run into some difficulties and conflicts. The key is to be tolerant and understanding, and to try to see things from your partner's perspective.

Try to put yourself in your partner's shoes. Is she anxious because you don't communicate well? Is he avoiding the issue because he doesn't want to argue? Be patient when problems arise. You've been together a long time, so you know each other well. Look at your partner's strengths and weaknesses objectively and rationally. Nobody's perfect, but you can both change for love.

Communication is the key.

From what you've said, it seems like communication is the main issue between you. You're both extroverted and introverted. One of you wants to know everything, while the other doesn't want to say anything. Over time, this can lead to a gap between you, and the growing emotional distance between you will affect your relationship.

If you want to really protect this relationship, you still need to establish a good communication model as much as possible. Don't be overly calculating and controlling. Move closer to each other, communicate honestly, tell each other the truth about your true desires, and don't let the two hearts drift further apart. If you communicate well, the friction between you will slowly decrease, your relationship will get better and better, and the problems you are worried about will no longer be a problem. I wish you a smooth relationship.

If you're interested, I'd recommend reading the following two books, which are great for helping you build a strong, intimate relationship:

I'd also suggest reading The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm.

I'd also suggest reading Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg.

I hope this helps. Best regards, [Name]

From the questioner's description, it's clear that the gradually increasing conflicts have made her feel a little worried and anxious about the upcoming marital relationship in the future. This is a totally normal reaction! It's only natural to wonder if this way of getting along or personality is suitable for marriage.

It's totally normal for girls who haven't experienced marriage yet to have these concerns. It's also a great idea to think seriously about whether the other person is really right for you.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being serious! But it's also important to understand that good relationships are not free from conflict. The key is how you face and resolve conflict. If you can resolve conflict, it's actually an amazing opportunity to enhance mutual understanding!

Because the two people come from different families, they will definitely have different ways of handling or reacting to some issues. Once they have different opinions or ideas about the same thing, it is easy to have conflicts. But here's the good news: the key is how to deal with the conflict, which is a very important part of the relationship or entering into marriage.

I absolutely believe that when a conflict occurs, it means that both parties have different opinions or needs regarding a certain matter. At this time, it is more important than ever to control one's emotions and express one's needs without emotion. If emotions get the better of you and you can't control them, the best thing to do is to leave the scene that triggered the emotions. When both parties have calmed down and are willing to communicate, express each other's needs without emotion, so that both parties understand each other's needs in certain conflict-prone areas and negotiate a compromise.

If you can do this, you'll see that conflict is actually an amazing opportunity to deepen your understanding of each other and make your relationship more and more harmonious!

So don't be afraid of conflicts! The key is learning how to face and resolve them. I hope the original poster can handle conflicts in relationships more and more easily and enjoy an even sweeter marriage!

Hello!

Host:

I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I read your post and I can feel your anxiety and worries.

You have also sought help, which will help you understand yourself and your boyfriend better.

Next, I will share my thoughts from the post.

1. Men and women think differently.

The poster said her boyfriend keeps everything inside. If you ask him what's wrong, he won't say anything. After a while, it'll be fine.

I worry and get sad when I don't explain things clearly. I've noticed the difference between you and your boyfriend.

I want to discuss the differences in how men and women think.

Men often need space when they're stressed. This is true for most men.

There's also a "cave theory" about men's behavior. This theory says that in primitive times, when a man returned from hunting wounded or frustrated, he would find a cave to heal. After healing, people rejoiced for him.

Girls tend to seek relationships more when they encounter conflicts. Many girls want to talk things over with their girlfriends after being upset. They want to get things out in the open to feel safer and be valued. This is different from how men think.

2. Conflicts are not scary.

The original poster asks what to do if there are conflicts after marriage. I understand their concern and want them to be grateful for it.

This worry makes you think more and helps you learn.

A master psychologist said that even in a loving couple, there will be lots of conflicts.

If it's inevitable, what should we do? It's not the conflict that's scary, but our inability to deal with it.

The host can learn to deal with conflicts for themselves and their relationship.

Read books and go to courses on relationships. They can help you a lot.

I won't go into detail here because it's not easy to explain.

Read "Intimacy" by Huang Qituan if you're interested.

3. Communication

We talked about the differences in how men and women think. After realizing this, we may need to make some adjustments in communication. For example, we used to want to make things clear, but men often need a space to be quiet in a conflict.

He might not be able to respond right now, so let's give him some space.

Just say that after he has adjusted, you can discuss how to handle this matter. Some couples agree that when there is a conflict, they can adjust the time, but they need to talk within 24 hours. Some people also communicate in writing.

Explore together a way that is acceptable and comfortable to both of you. If you are interested in communication, take a look at "Nonviolent Communication."

I hope these are helpful. If you have questions, you can find a coach to talk to one-on-one.

Your words can help many people. This is the energy we share.

Hello, I'm Xin Tan. I understand your confusion and anxiety about getting married soon.

Let's look at the problems you're having.

Your concerns are valid. Marriage is a big commitment.

You and your boyfriend have been together for three years, basically like a "weekend couple," spending one to two days together a week. But recently, you have been spending more time together, which has made you think a lot.

You worry that you'll argue a lot after marriage because you're together all the time. Are you ready for marriage?

What should you do when you have a conflict with your spouse?

You can sense my worries and fears about our future marriage. A little tension is good, but worrying too much is bad.

A happy marriage needs to adjust to each other's interests, hobbies, and habits. You've been together three years, so this should be fine. Often, how you live your life reflects your values.

Then there's integrating the two families. Since you're getting engaged, you've already met the parents. There's still the matter of integrating the two families because marriage is not just a personal matter between the man and woman. In traditional Chinese families, both sides of the parents, relatives, and friends are involved.

Your parents' marriage and how they interact can show you what to expect from your partner. Our parents' relationships affect our own marriages.

How can we avoid or reduce conflicts in marriage? Besides the three stages of integration, communication is key.

If you can solve a problem before marriage, do it.

2. Effective communication helps avoid problems and conflict in all relationships.

Men and women are different. Your boyfriend is more rational and focused on the matter itself. Women are good at talking and focused on the emotional level.

Everyone expresses and receives love differently. Some people like words, some like actions, some like gifts, and some like companionship.

In a relationship, you should take responsibility for family matters and share the burden together. Before marriage, look at your partner's shortcomings. After marriage, look at your partner's strengths. Don't grumble or complain. Be grateful and appreciative.

When there's a conflict, communicate more often. Be tactful, don't criticize, and listen to the other person.

Try to meet each other's needs and work together to find solutions. When something happens, try to see things from the other person's perspective.

You're right, it's easy to get lost in your own thoughts. Instead of guessing, talk. Spend quality time together every day to talk about things as they happen.

Home is a training ground for both spouses. A good marriage makes you happy.

I hope this helps. I love you.

To continue the conversation, click "Find a coach" in the top right or bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello!

You asked a question a month ago. I'm sorry for the delay in my answer.

Today is Chinese Valentine's Day. I hope my answer is still useful to you.

First, let me answer your question: "If you let minor conflicts go, will they accumulate or be erased by time?" My answer is: It depends on whether you are willing and able to let minor conflicts go. Many people don't mind minor conflicts. They think conflicts are like pepper in life and will let go quickly.

You're worried about fighting, suitability, and conflicts. I'll be honest.

Arguments are normal after marriage. Two people living together will have different feelings and wishes. These differences will lead to conflicts and arguments. I cannot say how often this will happen.

Second, only you know if you're ready for marriage. But you can get advice from a counselor to help you decide if you and your boyfriend are compatible. I'll explain more today.

How you deal with a conflict depends on your personality. This is related to the second part, which I will answer below.

After reading your description, I understand your hesitation and worries. Marriage is compared to "second rebirth," which has a strong sense of "fatalism." It can determine whether your life will be happy or painful. You don't have to choose how to face the little moments of getting along with each other in the future. You just have to choose who you want to marry.

I think there's truth to this worry. Your character is formed early in life. The way a three-year-old behaves shows how he will be as an adult. The way a seven-year-old behaves shows how he will grow old.

But if you think about it, you'll see that you should also consider your partner's personality. This is often revealed at an early age. Is your fiancé's personality fixed or open to change? Do you think he will become more open-minded or stubborn?

The idea that a person's future can be predicted at ages three and seven is true. It helps us see which people are more growth-oriented and which are not.

Psychologist Carol Dweck discovered the growth mindset. This is the idea that you can improve at anything you put your mind to. People with a growth mindset see failure as a chance to learn and grow.

Carlo Dake's ideas about success can be applied to choosing a spouse. A fixed mindset believes that your character and creative talents are set in stone. Happiness or pain depends on choosing the "right person." A growth mindset believes that your character and creative talents can change. Conflicts, difficulties, setbacks, and failures are not evidence of a failed marriage. They are evidence of growth.

A partner with an open-growth mindset will not see conflict as a bad thing. They will listen to the other person, try to empathize with their feelings, and understand why they feel the way they do. They will also be honest about their own feelings and needs. Then both parties can focus on the real issues and find solutions together.

They get to know each other better and grow together through conflict resolution.

If a couple is closed-minded and unable to keep an open mind, they will stick to their own views when conflicts arise. They are unable to empathize with the other person's feelings and demand that the "wrong" person submit to their choices. The conflicts caused by differences between the two will continue or even intensify.

If one partner is open and growing, while the other is closed and fixed, the open partner may have to bear more psychological pressure and expend more mental energy to maintain the relationship.

The most important thing to consider when deciding whether a couple is suitable for marriage is the compatibility of their minds. Early life experiences, including attachment styles and conflict resolution patterns, shape minds.

People usually have a mix of open growth and closed adherence mindsets. The original poster should understand their own and their boyfriend's thinking patterns in terms of marriage and parenting. I also recommend taking these types of psychological tests.

The original poster: "He keeps everything inside. No matter what I ask him, he won't say anything. It gets better after a while.

I don't know if he's unhappy because of me or something else. I'm prone to daydreaming and anxiety. I get sad if things aren't made clear.

Your boyfriend and you have different relationship styles. People with anxious attachment styles tend to be anxious. Your boyfriend keeps things inside, so he may have an avoidant style.

It's not scientific to guess from just a little information. There may be other reasons why your boyfriend keeps things to himself. But if you need to talk and he doesn't, and he doesn't understand you, you may feel anxious.

It's hard to choose a marriage because we have different needs. Your boyfriend may only be able to satisfy 60% of your communication needs, but he may be able to score 90% in other areas.

There's no marriage without conflict. But conflict is a chance to grow together and become better people.

That's all. I love you.

Hello, host. I've read your description and I want to congratulate you on starting a family. Thanks for inviting me to chat about your concerns. I hope I can offer some helpful insights.

What you said in the article is also something that many young people and couples face when they get married. After getting married, we may ask each other why we didn't make things clear before getting married.

If you can do these things, what problems are you worried about?

You also said in the article that you're together only one or two days a week, which shows that communication between you will be rare.

First, you need to communicate and exchange ideas.

Warmth is the key to a happy marriage. If you want to feel close to your partner, you need to be able to connect with them emotionally and communicate well.

I'd like to ask you, do you communicate with each other a lot? When I say communication and exchange, I don't just mean the conversations you have or the daily greetings you exchange, like "Have you eaten yet?"

"Have you eaten yet?" and other such exchanges aren't really communication in the true sense of the word.

Genuine communication is about connecting with each other, sparking ideas and emotions, and finding common ground in a conversation where you can understand each other's perspectives.

If you want to understand each other better, you have to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

Just a heads-up: Forcing your partner to do things is a waste of time and will only make things worse.

Secondly, it's important to listen to each other.

If one person in a relationship is no longer willing to go the extra mile, and the other is no longer willing to take responsibility for the other person's emotions, it means that the relationship has become a burden to each other.

The two people in this kind of relationship know deep down that it's a cold, emotionless kind of bond.

This can also turn into a kind of hidden cold violence between you, and it'll make things worse for both of you.

Two people in this kind of relationship don't feel the warmth of each other, and they suffer more than they would if they were on their own.

Third, we need to encourage each other to make progress together, put ourselves in each other's shoes, and think about each other's feelings.

A truly good marriage requires a deep sense of responsibility from both parties. We're responsible for each other and for the quality of our emotions.

We have to help each other out in life, and we also have to take care of each other's emotions and feelings in a serious and responsible way.

The key to a happy marriage is mutual tolerance and mutual progress. This creates a deeper emotional connection and flow between you and your partner.

This kind of partnership will make you happy and last a long time. It won't drain your trust or expectations of each other. It'll help you achieve the effect of 1+1>2 when you're together.

I hope you two can look at this together and learn to appreciate each other's strengths.

If you want your relationship to last and be happy, you've got to do the above.

"I've been with my boyfriend for over three years, and we're getting engaged soon. Our relationship has always been good."

Guoyin Yao: This shows that you recognize each other's character and like each other, which is why you're thinking about long-term development and marriage.

"We don't usually argue, but we've had two minor disagreements in a row recently. We're usually only together one or two days a week, but I've had more time recently because I'm not busy.

This makes me worry. Will we argue all the time after we get married? Are we really suited to marriage? What if we have conflicts after getting married?

"

Guoyin Yao: The environment you spend time together in has changed, which has made you realize that you may have different attitudes and ways of dealing with conflicts. This has made you fearful, and the uncertainty about the future seems uncontrollable. You don't seem to know each other that well. You're afraid of arguing.

Arguing is actually a form of communication. It's a way to discover each other's needs and enhance your understanding.

Ultimately, there's no logical relationship between whether you're suitable for marriage or not. You just need to find ways to resolve conflicts, and there's no need to amplify your worries.

"He just keeps everything inside, and no matter what I ask him, he won't say anything. It gets better after a while.

Sometimes I'm not sure if he's unhappy because of me or something else. I tend to daydream and get anxious easily, and I get sad when things aren't made clear.

"

Guo Zi Yao: Could it be that you're keeping things inside because you're stressed and don't want to worry me? You're used to taking things on yourself.

This is a kind of character development. People who are responsible are usually used to adjusting and solving problems on their own. If he's feeling down, you could give him a hug. Silent comfort may show that you understand him and that you're willing to listen to him share his thoughts, be there for him, and accept him for who he is.

If you let minor issues in life that don't involve principles cool down, even if he lets it go by itself, over time will it accumulate or will it be erased by time?

Guo Zi Yao: You're right. You're self-aware. This approach might not solve the problem. Loving someone is about acceptance, not tolerance.

Don't let disappointment build up. This is not a one-sided problem. It's just a lack of communication, so try to communicate your thoughts and expectations and gain his understanding.

It's important to remember that the way boys think is very different from the way girls think. This means you need to be prepared to learn, observe, and draw conclusions.

This is something you'll face with anyone you're dating. Don't doubt yourself, don't be too hard on yourself, believe in yourself, try to understand each other, and also be understanding.

I wish you all the best!

Hello, landlord. From your description, it's clear that you're uncertain about your marriage. Given the shift in your relationship with your boyfriend from a week or two to frequent interactions, it's understandable that friction has appeared. You're not communicating well with your partner, and you're right to be concerned about whether things will go smoothly after you get married. I have the following suggestions to help you with these problems.

1. Respect your feelings.

The host's feelings are real. You need to sort these feelings out. What is the host's feeling when the other person encounters problems and doesn't say anything?

Tell me, are you feeling aggrieved, sad, or upset?

Think about why you feel this way. Is it because you feel the other person doesn't trust you?

Tell me, do you feel disrespected? Are you experiencing any physical discomfort?

If you're crying, having a headache, feeling panicked, or feeling stuffy, you need to address these issues.

How long will this situation last? Feel the emotions flowing freely through your body.

2. Return to reason.

The host's emotions have returned to calm. It's time for you to do the same.

The hostess is facing her boyfriend's cold treatment. She knows how to resolve the situation and what kind of outcome she's hoping for.

If the other person keeps acting this way, can you accept it?

3. Distract yourself.

The host's excessive emotional involvement is a kind of self-defeating behavior. Apart from your boyfriend, you need to find other interests and hobbies.

You need friends. Change your thoughts and ideas.

Do something that makes you happy.

4. Focus on what's important and let go of the trivial.

The other person is independent of you and is another person. You must allow the other person not to tell you their thoughts for the time being.

If you always force others, you will be miserable.

Tell the other person, "I hope you can talk to me when you have problems. I will be there for you. I worry when I see you so quiet and I don't know what's going on with you."

This is how you can express your feelings naturally, without being aggressive or demanding that your partner do something to appease you. Your emotions are your own, and you can observe them and let them go.

Marriage life is not an ideal state of no friction and eternal soul connection. You must learn to focus on the important things and let go of the rest. You must stand firm on matters of principle.

You can accept or ignore other issues.

When we accept our partner for who they are and embrace their authenticity, we accept ourselves fully too. Nobody is perfect, but by allowing, respecting and accommodating, we can make our relationship more nourishing and abundant.

Hello! I'd like to give you a hug.

You like to speak openly, while your boyfriend likes to keep things to himself.

Your communication style is "external communication," while your boyfriend's is "internal communication." He has a sophisticated "internal circulation" mechanism in his mind. His "brain circuit" is "internal" rather than "external." He has to go through his own "brain circuit" first. Only after this "internal communication" is over can he turn to "external communication."

There is no right or wrong in these two communication styles. You are good at external communication, which is helpful in daily relationships. Your boyfriend is good at internal communication, which is helpful in details and specific issues.

I think this communication pattern is related to your families and experiences. Have you learned about his experiences? Also, try to find common ground with him while accepting differences.

Good morning, host. I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to drop you a quick line to ask if you could help me with something. I am smiling.

After reviewing your description, I have a clear understanding of the question you wish to ask. In this regard, I extend my support in the form of a four-dimensional embrace.

From your description, it is evident that your concerns are understandable. Marriage is a significant event, marking a pivotal point in one's life. It is natural to experience apprehension and anxiety about potential challenges in a relationship.

Indeed, your ability to analyze your own personality and that of your partner demonstrates a relatively clear understanding of the issues you two face. These issues did not surface during the relationship because you felt that they were acceptable within the context of the relationship.

In the context of marriage, it is important to be mindful of potential issues between partners and to address them proactively. After all, a marriage is a long-term commitment that involves creating a shared future.

It is important to note that your boyfriend's personality is not uncommon. Many individuals, when faced with a challenge, tend to internalize it, which can be a normal coping mechanism. However, this approach can also have unintended consequences for those around them. When interacting with individuals who handle stress in this way, it is not uncommon for others to perceive them as aloof or unresponsive.

Over time, this behavior will also lead to frustration among those around you, who may be unsure of how to respond to your actions.

In this regard, I have also summarized some methods to help alleviate the current situation, and I hope they will be of some assistance.

(1) It is important to relax and take things easy. Putting too much pressure on yourself will only make things worse.

(2) Despite his continued behavior, you may inquire about the situation after he has had time to process it. If he is reluctant to discuss it, allow him the space to adjust.

(3) You may wish to discuss your thoughts with a colleague you have a good rapport with, which may help to relieve some of your pent-up emotions.

(4) It is not uncommon to experience feelings of concern and unease in the immediate future. After all, getting married is a significant life event. It is therefore advisable to allow yourself sufficient time to adjust to this change.

(5) Focus on the present to resolve current issues. Future problems are beyond our control. Prioritize the present to achieve optimal results.

Best regards, The World

Please accept my best wishes.

Hello, after reading so many people's answers, I think you already have your own thoughts.

Based on my experience working with hundreds of couples, I can share a few insights.

I hope you won't hold it against me for pointing out some flaws in your dream.

Just because you've been in a relationship for a long time doesn't mean it's a strong one.

The essence of a relationship is to give of yourself and take up the time, space, energy, and personal value of the other person. Even though you've been together for a while, you haven't had much time to really get to know each other. You're still your own person, and he's still him, and you haven't fully integrated.

In other words, do you really know him?

Chances are, you don't know the answer, and the longer you're together, the more you'll find out about your partner that you didn't know before.

As a matter of fact, you used to argue less because the strong feelings you had for each other hid a lot of your differences.

2. Is he meeting your expectations?

When you ask this question, it might be because you're afraid of marriage. Or, you might already be having doubts about whether the other person is who you thought they'd be. You might even know that he's not who you thought he'd be, but you're not ready to accept that.

I don't know what you're hoping to achieve, but there are a few things you should definitely pay attention to:

The other person's values

The other person's character

The other person's motivation

Do these three points reflect your own thoughts?

You've been with him for so long, so I'm sure you know what you want and what you're prepared to accept. You need to sort this out yourself. I believe you have the ability to do so at this time.

If you love, love well.

If you're going to talk, make sure you do it seriously.

If you can't see a way forward, it might be best to go your separate ways.

3. Can marriage really solve all the conflicts that come up?

No way!

Marriage is a bit like a magnifying glass for contradictions. It highlights and intensifies them, while ignoring and weakening the good points.

What is the nature of marriage?

The essence of marriage is to obtain a legally compliant, mutually guaranteed, and mutually binding system. It can be said that marriage does not necessarily require the existence of feelings, and the peak of emotional development is marriage.

It's tough to grasp, isn't it? #Relationships are one thing, marriage is another

You can get married without feelings, but if you have feelings, you should get married.

Once you understand the nature of marriage, you'll see that it's not about feelings. There are just constraints.

In a relationship, though, there's mutual understanding, progress together, and the process of adapting to each other. When there are problems, you'll definitely try to find a solution to maintain the relationship.

In marriage, the constraints mean that it'll be tough to leave, and it'll take a long time. In the end, you'll just be you, and he'll be him.

#Love is bliss, marriage is dull#

I think a lot of people reading this are going to laugh it off and even give me a hard time.

For instance, how is marriage unrelated to relationships?

#Marriage provides security and solves many problems!

#You've been in a relationship for so long, why isn't there an emotional foundation?

...

I'm happy to take these challenges on, but I don't accept personal attacks. When there are questions, there are answers. When there are objections, there are supplements.

As there are so many aspects to consider, it's difficult to answer these questions individually. If you have further questions or need more clarification, we can discuss them.

I have to be honest with you, though. Emotions are subjective, while marriage is objective.

Stay strong!

Hello!

I'm a heart exploration coach. Learning is the body's treasure.

From your description, I can tell you're worried, anxious, and overwhelmed.

You're worried about conflicts with your boyfriend after marriage. I have three suggestions for you:

First, accept your situation.

It will make you feel better and help you think about what to do next.

You said you've been with your boyfriend for three years and are getting engaged. You've always had a good relationship and hardly ever argue. But you're worried that you'll argue more after you get married and spend every day together. You feel he's used to keeping things to himself, which makes you worry more. It's understandable because most people worry about managing married life. Everyone is anxious about uncertainty. Your boyfriend isn't willing to communicate. You have to accept your state of mind. See the anxious, hurting self who doesn't know what to do. This will give you mental energy to think about other things. Otherwise, your mind will be filled with negative emotions.

Allowing yourself to accept your current situation makes it possible to promote change. Change is based on allowing for no change.

Secondly, think about your own state.

Rational thinking helps you understand yourself and reality.

To have a rational view, you need to:

Quarrels after marriage are almost inevitable, but they can be healthy.

It's normal for married couples to have different views.

But arguments can be good for your relationship.

You can change the status quo.

If you take the initiative, your relationship will change.

When you think about it like this, you might feel better.

Focus on yourself and think about what you can do to feel better.

For example, you can talk to your boyfriend about these concerns. This will help you understand him better.

Have a good chat with him about how he likes to keep things to himself. Tell him you hope he'll speak his mind in the future and that you'll listen. This will help him open up and make future arguments constructive.

Ask your married friends how they manage their marriage. You'll feel better.

Read books on how to deal with minor marital conflicts. They'll tell you to be honest and true to each other. This helps your relationship. Know you can do something to improve the situation.

Taking action can help you feel better.

I hope this helps. Click "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom to talk to me one-on-one.

Hello! I can tell you're feeling a little anxious. It's totally normal to worry about the future of your relationship with your boyfriend, especially when there are differences in communication styles. It's natural to wonder what you'll do if there are still problems after marriage. I'm here to listen and support you.

I really hope the questioner can find a way to communicate that suits you both and have a harmonious, intimate relationship.

1. "I've been with my boyfriend for more than three years, and we'll soon be engaged! Our relationship has always been really good, and we hardly ever argue. But recently, we've had two minor conflicts in a row. We're usually only together one or two days a week, but recently I've been less busy, so we've spent more time together.

I've been with my boyfriend for more than three years, and I really think our relationship is worth affirming. But I've been worrying recently about whether we'll have frequent arguments every day after we get married. I'm also wondering if we're really suitable for marriage. And I'm a bit worried about what will happen if we have conflicts after getting married.

"

(1) It's so great that you've been with your boyfriend for more than three years! It really shows that your relationship is worth affirming. However, there have been recent arguments. How does that make you feel? How do you view arguments?

I truly believe that arguing can warm up the relationship and is a great way for both parties to understand each other better. It's totally normal for the questioner to be worried, after all, the questioner sincerely hopes that the relationship will have a happy ending, right?

(2) So, those minor conflicts we were talking about—are they related to how each of you sees things, or is it that you have different ways of thinking and different views, so you handle things differently? It's totally normal to have these kinds of differences in a relationship. It just takes time to slowly work through them, and it's important that both of you understand and respect each other's feelings. The questioner can observe what the boyfriend's needs are.

What can you do? And what are your needs?

What would help you feel better? Once you've both had a chance to calm down, why not have a good chat?

Just be sure to keep things light and don't make any accusations or judgments.

2. "He just keeps everything inside, and no matter what I ask him, he won't say anything. I know it'll be fine after a while, though.

Sometimes I'm not sure if he's upset with me or if there's something else going on. I tend to daydream and get anxious a lot, and I really wish I could just tell him what's on my mind.

If you just let things cool down in minor conflicts in life that don't involve principles, whether he lets it go by itself or not, will it just pile up over time or will it be erased by time?

(1) If you find yourself in a similar situation, it might be best to give your boyfriend some space. He needs time to process his emotions and think things through. If you can, just be there for him and respect his decision to spend some time alone.

(2) Express yourself reasonably. When he's in a good mood, tell him your thoughts and feelings, and ask if there's anything you've done that made him unhappy. If so, you're willing to change and make efforts to improve your relationship. If not, tell him you're worried about him when you see him unhappy, and you're also worried about the direction of your relationship. I think he'll be willing to continue communicating with you when he hears you say this. Usually communicate more and work through your differences, and things will be fine.

Come on, my friend.

I really hope my answer is helpful!