How to adjust your mindset and overcome the feeling of loving but not obtaining?

The beauty of the world can be encountered but not sought. You are lucky to have met a good boy and one you like very much. However, this state of mind did not last long in your heart because the boy had another person in his heart. This made you feel low, hurt, and lost. You also felt a little sad and unwilling.

He treats relationships seriously, which you value a lot and admire. He'll be serious about you too.

But if he chose you and gave up on another girl, does that mean it doesn't hold anymore?

You should be happy that you have such a good eye and can see the real merits of this guy. At the same time, I also feel very fortunate that he rejected you. His rejection is proof that

You have a good eye and can see at once that he is devoted. Devotion is a choice.

Don't act recklessly.

Your emotions are constantly changing, and that's perfectly normal. Don't resist these feelings.

You shouldn't resist these emotions. Not getting what you want is painful, but you have to let it go.

There's nothing wrong with letting him keep you company.

You need to accept these emotions.

Tell me what you think is wrong.

You shouldn't resist these emotions. You're facing them head-on, and your previous thoughts are making it difficult for you to accept them. Over and over again, you wonder why the person you like still has a girlfriend. It's a sad situation.

Hello question asker

This feeling is maddening. I want to say, "I like you, so give us a chance!" But I know there will be no future.

You like an object that's handmade and unique. You want to buy it, but it's already been reserved.

It's lost, so how do you feel! You can take more pictures to keep its image, and look at them whenever you think of it.

After the pain goes away, you move on, no longer worried that you'll be sad in the future. There's also the state of being stuck, unable to get out, always ready to buy it back.

The last state is the most fatal. You get deeper and deeper, forgetting other handmade, one-of-a-kind versions exist. You miss other beautiful objects. The first state is also terrifying. It's like the poem says: "You don't know the true face of Mount Lu, because you are in the midst of it."

You miss other beauties around you.

Love doesn't last forever. People come and go in your life. So, having hope for something else can make your life better.

Good morning, host.

I would like to extend an invitation to share a warm embrace. The arrival of spring signals the revival of nature. I detect the essence of spring in your narrative. Your candid emotions are particularly endearing and pristine, enabling me to recognize the splendor of the world.

Firstly, if you have a positive regard for someone, it is advisable to communicate this directly. As a young woman, you are displaying commendable courage in openly expressing your feelings. This approach is both innovative and courageous, and I am compelled to commend you for it.

The second point is that it is important to be able to discern when to advance or retreat. When it becomes clear that your romantic interest, who was previously involved with a partner, will be in a committed relationship after graduation, despite your reservations, you should also be aware that it may be time to reconsider your options. This is an important aspect of relationship management.

The third point is self-awareness. You realize that after being rejected by a guy, you are very sad inside and especially want to find a way to solve your emotional problems. What I want to say to you is, do you know what the language behind sadness is? It is love. In this spring season of revival, I am still able to love the world, and I still have people I like. This in itself is a particularly wonderful thing, so if you are sad, just let yourself be sad for a little while. Just give yourself a deadline, because this is you expressing love, which in itself is also a particularly good thing.

I would like to extend my personal regards to you, as well as express my appreciation for the world around you.

Good day. I am Kimu, also known as the Little Angel. I hope that my response will prove beneficial to you.

After hearing the story, Jinmu offers the questioner a great deal of encouragement and praise. The questioner displays great courage and initiative in seeking out the contact information of a potential romantic interest and communicating with that person. Furthermore, the questioner demonstrates a willingness to embrace both positive and negative emotions in their romantic relationships. These qualities are highly commendable and deserve admiration.

However, it is important to note that despite the initial optimism, there were unexpected developments. After a month of communication, it came to light that the individual in question had a long-distance blind date. Based on the information provided, it appeared that the two were in a relationship that was not yet romantic in nature.

The questioner then became anxious and uncertain. A strong sense of morality made the questioner afraid to take a single step forward, and it even became a source of distress. However, after reading the additional comments from the questioner, it became evident that the questioner is becoming more self-aware and self-adjusting, slowly letting go and allowing this beauty to last forever.

The following suggestions are offered by Jinmu for the questioner:

1. The relationship begins with passion but concludes with propriety. If the feelings are long-lasting, the frequency of contact is inconsequential.

Thus far, the questioner has managed this relationship in an exemplary manner. He has demonstrated initiative by expressing his appreciation and has terminated the relationship when he became aware that the other person might have a partner. Furthermore, he has maintained a respectful distance and has exhibited commendable conduct.

Jinmu's advice to the questioner is that even if this individual does not have a romantic partner in another city, it is possible to proceed with caution and devote more time to the relationship, allowing for a deeper understanding of each other's perspectives and a mutual appreciation of the relationship before taking the next step.

It is important to note that the girl in question exists objectively, and there is no need for the questioner to deliberately avoid getting to know and understand this boy. As long as the questioner is mindful of the appropriate scale and proportion, it is acceptable to know each other better.

2. When one encounters an exemplar of one's ideal self, one can envision one's future.

The questioner asserts that this individual represents a superior version of herself and is unable to cease lauding him, as though she has encountered her "god of men."

However, Jinmu also perceives the male god to possess imperfections. For instance, the male god has a blind date and is late to meet the questioner, exhibiting doubt and hesitation. The male god's ability to pursue the blind date is contingent upon his graduation and subsequent marriage to a woman in a nearby city. This decision demonstrates a preference for weighing the pros and cons over the expression of pure love.

This demonstrates that the "male god" is not without flaws and that he also faces challenges. Consequently, it is pertinent to inquire whether the questioner can perceive the other side of the "male god" and whether they hold positive sentiments towards the complete "male god." It is important to note that appreciation and liking are not synonymous.

The obstacle between the questioner and the "god of men" extends beyond the initial encounter.

Additionally, there is a discrepancy in values between the questioner and the male god, as well as a divergence in personas.

3. It is imperative to be courageous and authentic.

Jin Mu posits that the questioner is a diminutive fairy endowed with both physical beauty and intellectual acuity, and that she is fully capable of navigating the complexities of her relationship with the male deity.

Furthermore, one can posit that the individual in question will be able to successfully identify and attain their own sense of happiness.

It is this commentator's sincere hope that the individual responsible for posting this message will soon be able to achieve a state of personal happiness.

You are still friends. There's nothing wrong with maintaining this relationship, and the other person already has a potential partner. It's not your place to interfere.

Keep calm.

Wait for the result. You will still have your paradise even if he leaves. The other person is not your provider, not the source of your life, and not your blood or heart. You can still enjoy the nourishment of friendship.

Not every relationship has to end in love. In fact, there's no reason to break it off unless the other girl is possessive and doesn't allow the guy to interact with other people.

If you want to adjust your mentality now, you need to reduce your love and increase your rationality. The other person may be outstanding and make you feel very good, but the feeling of being unable to love is also very painful. You have to stop loving and avoid the pain by not loving this person.

He already has a potential development partner. First come, first served, so there's no need for you to take the initiative to say anything. Your original intention was to have love, but now you can only have friendship. You feel very painful and regretful. Life is about pairs of people caring for and missing each other. There's no guarantee that there will still be a connection later, or that you'll become each other's confidant. Just don't delete it suddenly. Wish you well.

ZQ?

I extend a warm greeting from a distance.

It is evident that you hold this boy in high regard, yet you have discovered that he was previously involved with a romantic partner. There is a possibility that he may continue to develop this relationship in the future. Due to these uncertain circumstances, you have chosen to terminate your involvement with him. However, you are reluctant to do so, which has resulted in a state of distress.

From the description provided, it can be discerned that throughout the course of the month-long interaction, the boy in question has made it clear that he is currently single. This indicates that, despite having been introduced to a girlfriend, the two are engaged in a long-distance relationship characterized by limited communication and contact. The fact that the boy consented to add the author on WeChat and engage in conversation demonstrates that he has formed a positive impression of her and does not view her as a mere acquaintance.

If one truly holds romantic feelings for another, it may be advisable to express one's genuine affections, while refraining from insisting upon their reciprocation. It is important to maintain respect for the other person's autonomy and decisions.

It is arguably preferable to be rejected than to miss out on an opportunity.

Indeed, when the gentleman indicated that his single status and the potential for a future with the young lady he had been introduced to depended on his decision regarding his academic future, it was evident that the opportunity for a promising future remained open, contingent upon the willingness to take the initiative and assertiveness. Do you concur? The reason for your decision to withdraw was likely influenced by an internalized inferiority complex and lack of confidence. In your perception, this individual was exceptionally admirable and perhaps even flawless. When you suddenly became certain that you had every chance, you were concerned that you might not measure up to his expectations. Are you conscious of the psychological factors that influenced your actions?

Nevertheless, it is imperative to acknowledge that the decisions and choices one makes are, at the time of their making, the optimal ones within the bounds of one's current knowledge. It is equally important to understand the underlying motivation behind the decision to give up.

In the event that an opportunity is not available, it is advisable to accept the situation with composure, as it is beyond one's control. However, if a promising opportunity is declined due to feelings of inadequacy, it is essential to confront this aspect of oneself and strive for personal growth, overcoming these negative sentiments and fostering self-assurance. Such actions may result in the loss of not only a romantic partner but also the potential for long-term happiness and other beneficial prospects.

One may cultivate additional interests and passions in their life, thereby gaining greater control over their circumstances. Similarly, maintaining a gratitude journal can foster self-confidence.

One can discern one's own shortcomings and inadequacies, as well as one's own bright spots and strengths. By engaging in the practice of confidence through the act of pretending, one can identify an individual whom they admire and emulate their confident performance. Over time, this process may lead to an increase in one's confidence.

Additionally, one may cultivate self-confidence through the practice of mirror exercises on a daily basis.

It is my hope that you will be able to identify a method that is personally effective for enhancing self-confidence, overcoming feelings of inferiority, and fostering self-acceptance. Ultimately, the goal is to achieve a state of emotional well-being that is characterized by the experience of love and happiness.

My name is Lily, and I am a regular listener of the Q&A Museum program. I extend my sincerest regards to you, the listeners, and to the entire world.

Hello, I can sense your sadness at being unable to emotions-1736.html" target="_blank">love. However, I also perceive some other emotions, which I would like to share with you:

1. Perhaps we could take a moment to reflect on the situation you've been in with this guy.

I had the opportunity to connect with a gentleman I found attractive, so I reached out to him on WeChat and we chatted for nearly a month. I inquired about his relationship status and he informed me that he was single. Two years ago, a friend introduced him to a girl, and the two are currently in different places. The trajectory of their relationship is largely influenced by his post-graduation plans. If he graduates and decides to pursue opportunities in a city near the girl, it's likely that they will have the chance to connect. There seems to be a lot of information in this.

First of all, I can see that you are using the word "active" to describe yourself, which suggests that you do have feelings for him and that you have expressed those feelings in a generous and active manner.

The guy's response seems a bit contradictory. On the one hand, he says he is single, but on the other hand, he says that his girlfriend of two years ago is in a different city from him, and whether they can get back together depends on where he graduates. It's not uncommon for people to be in two different places at once, but it's not clear what his attitude towards this relationship is.

After hearing that, you became emotional and were unable to take the initiative again. Could you please tell me what happened after that?

Has there been any effort on the part of the gentleman in question to make contact with you?

2. Take some time to reflect on your emotions and feelings.

"He is a very good and outstanding guy who treats relationships very seriously, so there is no way for it to develop, which makes me very sad. How should I adjust my mentality? I feel very emotional and unstable, and I am very sad. I can't get on with my work."

You have already sensed your own uneasiness and indecision. The reason may be that you think he is excellent and you like him, but that long-distance relationship seems to be something he takes seriously. You are not sure whether there is a chance between you, but you suspect that there isn't, so you have chosen to give up, but you are reluctant to do so. This kind of emotion has already affected your life.

3. Regarding my perspective:

Upon reflection, I feel compelled to share my perspective on the situation at hand.

It seems that you still have some uncertainty about the nature of your relationship with this person. You have typically been the one to take the initiative, but your actions have largely been based on testing, self-perception, and speculation. It is still unclear how the other person views you, how they truly feel about a long-distance relationship, and whether it is feasible for you two to be together.

I'm not suggesting that you break up with him forcefully or destroy the relationship, especially since he has a girlfriend. From what you've told me, it seems like he's still uncertain about his feelings. If you're looking to move on from your current situation and address your concerns, it might help to try to understand the situation better.

From your description of the above events, it seems that you are the kind of courageous person who should consider calmly moving on if the other party makes it clear that it is not an option for them.

Life is full of possibilities and excitement. It might be helpful to consider facing your emotions head-on. There's always the possibility that you'll have to start all over again, but it could also lead to something positive.

Hello, questioner!

It sounds like you're really sad and upset about having to come out as heterosexual to a boy who's interested in you.

It makes you so sad, doesn't it?

Oh, sweetheart, a beautiful relationship that hasn't even started is over. If that's the case, what are you sad about?

You haven't got it yet, have you?

It's totally understandable to feel frustrated and sorry for yourself.

This is just how life goes sometimes. The universe can play tricks on us, but you're not at fault!

I want to tell you something directly, my dear.

You are absolutely not at fault!

It's okay, sweetheart. You just met the right person at the wrong time!

How can you get out of this tricky situation?

I totally get why you're feeling so sad and regretful.

And you invested your ideal partner in this boy, which is totally understandable! It's natural to have these kinds of fantasies.

Now that you've had a bit of a reality check, you realize that everything was just a dream that you wrote, directed, and acted in yourself.

So, give the psychological "him" a silent goodbye, my dear.

You know what you need to do! Tell him what you want to say!

I know you feel like there's no chance for you two, and you're not ready to wait for him. But it might be best to let go of him as soon as you can.

It's okay to let go of what doesn't belong to you. You might be waiting for something that isn't meant to be, and that's okay!

It's time to say goodbye to the "in-love self."

And who knows, maybe falling in love will actually be a wake-up call from life, helping you grow and mature in ways you never imagined!

Why not try writing in a diary to give yourself a little warning?

And of course, thank this crush boy for making you mature overnight! He's a great guy, isn't he?

You've got this! I'm cheering for you!

This is a thinking problem, not a real dilemma.

You like the other person, but he has a girlfriend.

You chased him, feeling like you were stealing love and feeling guilty. You could get what you want, but it's not virtuous.

You can't let go of it. Your heart is very complex. You feel that the other person is outstanding and you're missing out. Thinking about it is sad, regrettable, and confusing.

Our thoughts affect our emotions and feelings.

Our emotions and feelings are real. We often think our thoughts are facts.

The person who asked the question probably understands this phrase. It's a dilemma in one's own thinking.

Next, we'll analyze your description to help you think more clearly.

Your title uses the word "love but."

The words we use affect how we think and feel.

The brain doesn't distinguish between different types of language. It just translates what we say into how we feel.

He seems nice. You added him on WeChat and have been chatting for a month. You started the conversation.

Maybe chatting with him has made you feel better. This is how you feel.

Is this love?

Don't talk about love at first sight. You need to learn more and experience more to know if you really like someone or just like them for certain reasons.

This means learning more about the other person and experiencing things together.

If you express your love just because you feel good chatting on WeChat,

The questioner may face difficulties in the future.

This may sound uncomfortable, and you may say that my love is a way of expressing myself.

This brings us back to how our brains work.

When you say "love and not be loved," it's taken as "love and not be loved," which causes suffering.

This is the first dilemma thinking gives you.

Let's look at the second dilemma.

I asked if he had a girlfriend. He said he was single. A friend introduced him to a girl two years ago. They are currently in different places. Their relationship depends on where he goes after graduation.

He said he was single, but they were in different places, and their relationship depended on him graduating.

Read your own words. Are they contradictory?

He's single, in a long-distance relationship, and the relationship depends on him. How can you tell they're in a romantic relationship?

He said he was single. His girlfriend was introduced to him by a friend two years ago.

When someone says they're single and their girlfriend was introduced two years ago, it means they can decide if they're together.

When he says the relationship depends on him, it means it's uncertain.

Is the girl waiting for the right person to come along? Could this distance be filling a void in both of them?

How did the questioner know he treats relationships seriously?

If he's serious about relationships, he should say he has a girlfriend. A friend introduced them two years ago. They live in different cities, but they'll find a city to live in together after graduation.

Instead of "We'll see where I am by then, if I... we can..."

If he said, "We can try to get along, and then we'll see," or "If I really feel a good impression of you, we can get together," would you still think he's serious about relationships?

Maybe you like him so much you've overlooked important info.

They've been together for two years and still live apart. He takes relationships seriously.

This is the second problem in your thinking.

Let's look at the third problem.

Is there something stopping you from moving forward?

First, he has a girlfriend he keeps in touch with. If you chase him, you may feel like you're wrong and afraid of being accused of stealing his love.

I don't want to ruin someone else's emotions. I can't pursue him.

Second: You think he's serious because you've been together for two years.

If he agrees to your advances now and spends time with you, the serious person inside you will no longer be him.

You don't like fickle guys. If they meet someone else, they'll go after that person too.

This thinking leads to a dead end.

You'll be torn between two emotions either way.

Have you read this far and thought about these three problems? Do you still feel sad about not being able to love him?

Then face the fourth dilemma. Understanding it could bring spring.

Our thoughts affect our emotions. When we express our feelings, the brain treats them as real information, which then affects our emotions.

Your thoughts and feelings are connected.

Actors study their roles to find a deeper sense of connection. Once they are in the role, they express emotions naturally.

You're in character as an unlucky lover.

You're both serious people in a relationship. You won't hurt each other and you don't want to be betrayed. So, your story will be a heartbreaking drama.

You need to enjoy the beauty of spring. You can't fully appreciate it from a screen.

Falling in love takes time.

If you get too involved too quickly, it will end badly.

Goodness takes time to appreciate and relationships need time to mature.

You mentioned his excellence, and I believe you, so I won't discuss it here.

If you see the good in others, you'll find it in yourself too. Being good is the goal in life.

Don't rush to adjust your mindset when it comes to emotions.

Think about if you're in the drama or in love.

Do you love your feelings or the person you know?

I'm Bo Sir.

Hello, question asker! I'm very happy to answer your question.

It can be challenging when we have a crush on someone who's already been introduced to a girlfriend. It's natural to feel a bit down in the dumps in such a situation. I'd like to offer some words of encouragement to the original poster. It might help to give him a little pat on the shoulder and some strength. I hope the original poster can focus more on the important things, and that it won't be so hard.

From what the questioner has shared, it seems that the questioner has a strong interest in the boy. It would be interesting to understand the boy's perspective on the questioner.

Could you kindly shed some light on what a guy's criteria for choosing a partner might be? I'm curious to know how he feels about the girl in a different city.

Perhaps the questioner could benefit from a more open-minded approach.

The questioner may feel that the guy is so good, suitable for you, the one and only, and it's such a pity to have missed him or not succeeded. However, it's important to remember that people's emotions are always in the moment. At the moment, you may be very attached to that person, think that he is good at everything, and even ignore his shortcomings.

Perhaps, when you reflect on the situation with a calm and objective perspective, you may come to view it differently. This person may not be as admirable as you initially perceived. It's possible that his lack of interest in you stems from a mutual lack of attraction.

Perhaps it would be best to let go, as what you missed out on was simply someone who didn't like you and wasn't willing to treat you as the only one. It might be beneficial to be glad that he didn't say yes to you, so that you may not miss out on someone who can like each other and be devoted to each other in the future.

Perhaps, when viewed from this perspective, you may not only feel no regrets, but also a sense of gratitude for him. It's not that I'm inherently flawed; I just happened to miss the person who didn't reciprocate my feelings.

How might we best navigate the challenges of unrequited love? In offering advice to the questioner on this platform, I will simply make a few points.

Perhaps it would be helpful to list all the negative or self-denying thoughts you have about being rejected. Was the rejection made clearly or indirectly?

It might be the case that he doesn't have a particular preference for girls like the questioner, but that doesn't mean that the questioner isn't outstanding in her own right. We all have different tastes, and different guys may have different preferences when it comes to girls.

It might be helpful to write down all these negative thoughts on a piece of paper and write them down with a pen, so that the questioner will become more aware of their negative thoughts.

Perhaps it would be helpful to use the method of "rebuttal" to consider all the self-denying thoughts that have been listed in response to different rejection scenarios. The boy mentioned that he has a girlfriend in a different city, and it seems that the questioner has some discouraging thoughts about this. As mentioned above, the questioner was asked to list them all out.

It might be helpful to write down some counterarguments to consider. For example, if I'm not good enough, you could write next to it that I'm not good enough, it's just that he doesn't notice my good points, or he knows my good points, but he just doesn't think I'm his type.

When you meet a guy and have self-doubting thoughts, it's important to take a moment to think about how you're feeling. If you feel uncomfortable when meeting a guy, it might be because you're not getting what you want. In this case, it can be helpful to remind yourself that you're a good person and that you deserve a better life and a better boyfriend. It's also okay to recognize that this particular guy might not be the right match for you.

It might be helpful for the questioner to try doing more related imaginative exercises, as this could help to soothe their emotions and reduce any damage to their self-esteem.

Finally, I would like to suggest that the question of whether a man and a woman get together and whether they can fall in love is not something that can be wished for. It is also important to remember that both parties have feelings, whether they meet the other person's criteria for a partner and whether they match the other person's image of a partner.

It's possible that what's missed is missed, and that they can only be each other's passers-by. It might be the case that there are more suitable guys for the OP waiting for her along the way, so it might be worth considering other options. I believe that there are always more options for outstanding people.

I hope my answer is helpful to the original poster.

Hello! I'm Liang Ning, Assistant to Xinqing. You met a guy you have a crush on, added him as a friend, and after chatting for a month, you feel that he is a nice guy and want to develop a romantic relationship with him. You took the initiative to ask about his relationship status, and he said he is single, but has a girlfriend in a different city. If he goes to work in the same city as this girl in the future, they will be together.

Then you feel that the boy is a good person who is very serious about relationships, and you can only express your regrets. But don't worry! There are plenty of ways to get over this unstarted relationship.

First, you should figure out what you like about him. Once you know what you really care about, you can get him better!

Just picture how you met him! Do you like him as a person, or do you like the way you met him, or the place where you met him? The fact that you added him on WeChat on your own initiative shows that your first impression was quite good. After chatting on WeChat for a month, to be honest, you can't get to know someone any better! Because your first impression was good, you imagine him to be the ideal man in your heart.

But if you really get to know him, you'll discover the real him—and it'll be amazing!

Second, if you really like him, you can fight for him! He said he is single and has just been dating someone else for two years.

From this information, you should know that it's totally okay to fall in love with a single guy! He also said that if he could work near that girl in the future, they might get together.

If he is with you, you can bet he'll stop going to that place! You also said he's a boy who is serious about relationships, so you should seriously date him, trust him, and see what he chooses.

In the end, if he chooses you, you'll know he's serious about the relationship! He may have a long-distance girlfriend, but he's still in love with you. You like the way he's serious about the relationship, but in the end, you'll see he's serious about you too!

If he doesn't send any of this, then it's time to move on and start living your own life!