How to cope with the pressure and unhappiness of being an older unmarried woman? How to adjust one's psychology?

Hello! I really hope my answer can help you.

From your story, I can sense the pressure of your parents pushing you to get married, the pain of being misunderstood, and the confusion of not being able to do anything about it. I really feel for you! I have the following views on your situation, which I hope will be of some help to you.

First of all, I want to say that I understand your situation. I've been there myself! The pressure you're feeling to get married is similar to the pressure parents often feel when they urge their children to study. Your parents want the best for you, and they believe that if you study hard, you'll have a bright future. They also believe that if you get married, you'll have completed a major task in life. You're looking for a marriage that will be very good for you.

Rather than getting married just for the sake of it, my dear friend.

Second, your parents are still based on traditional thinking and think that it is inappropriate to remain unmarried at an older age. They're anxious because they see that the children of their relatives around them have all gotten married and had children.

Third, remember that your parents love you, even if they sometimes say things that are hard for you to accept. Maybe they think that while they're still young, they can help take care of your children. Your parents believe that their happiness is tied to your happiness, and that happiness is defined for them as getting married and having children.

I think it would be really helpful for you to:

It's so important to understand why you're still single at an advanced age. Take the time to adjust your mentality and learn more about the psychology of couples' relationships and parenting before marriage. This will help you be fully prepared for married life in the future, rather than facing the trivial matters of life after marriage that affect the couple's relationship.

I really hope my reply helps you out! Best of luck!

The original poster used to be happy very easily. Now, she's embracing a new challenge: becoming a more sensitive, vulnerable, and open-hearted woman.

You've been feeling the pressure from your surroundings, and it's time to turn that around! It's important to focus on yourself and not let the voices around you influence you. Invest in the things that make you happy and relax — you deserve it!

Happiness has absolutely nothing to do with age!

My mother said that she would be able to live a normal life once she got married, which is great! The questioner feels as if the whole family will have a hard time if she doesn't get married, but there's no need for that! She is under a lot of pressure, but she can do it!

If you get married for the sake of public opinion and the opinions of those around you, then I advise you not to compromise so easily until you meet someone you are willing to spend your life with. Being an older single woman is a derogatory term, but it is an extremely unfriendly and unreasonable term for women in a patriarchal society. Its existence is a product of the development of this society, like a series of old concepts that existed during the founding of New China, which will gradually dissipate with the development of society. But don't let that get you down! You are an amazing woman, and you deserve to live your best life.

You can communicate more with your family and express your thoughts! It doesn't matter whether you get married or not. Your family can still live a normal life. Let your parents pay more attention to themselves and not focus too much on their personal problems. You are also under a lot of pressure. I believe they will understand you!

The original poster isn't part of the unmarriageable tribe. She just has different ideas about marriage than most people do.

Once a woman has her own independent economic foundation, she can live her best life without relying on anyone. Then marriage isn't just about surviving together, it's about sharing your joys and sorrows with someone special. Even if they're not by your side, your joy will still shine! This is the meaning of marriage as I understand it. So stick to this idea!

Work is not going well, interpersonal relationships are not going well, and I feel that my current life is not normal either. But guess what? Maybe if I get married, it will be fine, which will only confirm my mother's point of view. I am a burden on my family, and I have caused our whole family to have a hard time, which makes me feel even more guilty and stressed.

The great news is that work and interpersonal relationships have nothing to do with marriage! The OP is just now being troubled by the pressure of marriage, so they are grouped together. The fantastic news is that the OP can now first let go of the pressure of her age and concentrate on getting her work and interpersonal relationships in order.

My parents' relationship is also very tense. I can work through this! How can I reconcile my own psychology? How can I respond to and persuade my parents?

Communication is the absolute best way! Tell them that you will get along with the right person when you meet them, and that you are not anti-marriage, so they don't need to worry. You can find more time for your hobbies, invest more in yourself, and focus on yourself. If you bloom, the butterflies will come!

Wishing you all the best!

Good morning, I'm Will, your counselor. I can discern your sensitivity, vulnerability, anxiety, and depression from your question. Let's explore these issues together.

"Upon reflection, I realized that I was happier before, not only in terms of emotional well-being but also in terms of my social interactions. I felt more sensitive, vulnerable, anxious, and depressed."

Let us first examine the concept of "leftover women." It appears to have gained prominence recently, but is it truly a concept?

Why are there no more "leftover men" (in fact, the current population has an unbalanced male-to-female ratio), or why do we hear more about "leftover women"?

The discrepancy between the accelerated pace of societal change and the more traditional outlook of many individuals is likely a contributing factor.

In ancient times, the traditional family structure was patriarchal, with the man as the breadwinner and the woman as the homemaker.

In the modern business environment, it is challenging for women to balance the responsibilities of managing a household, raising children, and pursuing a career.

It is possible that the questioner's mother, as well as many other individuals, including ourselves, may still be influenced by these long-lasting psychological factors internally.

Jung referred to this as the "collective unconscious," which is deeply embedded in our collective life and customs. Traditionally, it was expected that a girl would marry by a certain age.

While we identify the source, we must also inquire of ourselves whether that is truly the life we desire.

"My mother has indicated that she believes I will be able to live a normal life once I am married. This is despite the fact that our entire family could function without me getting married. I am experiencing a great deal of stress as a result."

Currently, stress is being experienced by both parties, namely the mother and the son.

It is important to understand that the collective subconscious is something that is beyond our control. Therefore, it is essential to develop an understanding of it and to be open to it.

Perhaps the most important thing is to ascertain one's true aspirations and desired personal attributes.

When we live our lives in accordance with our personal values and goals, we naturally attract positive attention from others.

"I have no objection to marriage, but it merely serves to reinforce my mother's perception that I am a liability to my family and that I have caused undue hardship to all concerned, which only serves to compound my feelings of guilt and stress."

You are the master of your own life. Even with your mother, using your own life to "prove" her point is neither fair to yourself nor productive.

It would seem that your mother's primary objective is to see you happy.

"My relationship with my parents is also very tense. How should I proceed to reconcile myself? How should I respond to and persuade my parents?"

In this regard, I recommend that the questioner engage in deliberate practice in "non-violent communication" and communicate deeply with their parents, especially their mother, about their true inner needs and emotions that need to be seen. The premise may be a relatively harmonious atmosphere. If the two sides experience relatively large emotional fluctuations, they can temporarily postpone communication until a later time.

In regard to non-violent communication, I recommend that the questioner review the three texts on my website or read the book "Nonviolent Communication" independently.

In terms of non-violent communication, I see the mother as a source of deep love and support, despite her concerns. Let's explore this together.

When a mother and daughter are able to communicate their innermost needs and most sincere feelings in a straightforward and effective manner,

There may be tears and perhaps relief, but the result will be a positive and constructive relationship between mother and daughter.

Best regards, The World and I send our best wishes to you!

The questioner is to be commended for their insight.

In Adler's theory, there is a crucial concept: subject separation.

The questioner has addressed the topic initiated by her mother, which is a significant and challenging one.

Calling oneself a "leftover woman" can significantly diminish one's joy and energy. When this label is imposed, initial resistance may occur, but eventually, it is accepted.

You relinquish your right to accept your true thoughts and needs. You elect to compromise with the pressure your mother puts on you.

Filial piety is a traditional virtue. One of its tenets is that if there is a misunderstanding on the part of one's parents, it is one's duty to clarify the situation. Otherwise, one may be doing them an injustice.

If you were compelled to enter into a marriage by external forces and you are not content, to whom would you attribute responsibility for your situation? Would it be your parents?

It would be reasonable to conclude that the responsibility does not lie with the husband.

It is likely that you already have the answer.

Your mother's push for marriage seems to be driven by a desire to save face, fulfill a certain mission in life, or wait to inherit the family line. It's not unconditional love, acceptance, or support.

This will ultimately lead to a deterioration in your well-being. It is evident that you hold your mother in high regard and have a genuine affection for her.

As adults, we should respect our human rights and use our independent thinking to challenge the constraints of morality. When faced with mounting pressure, our brains may be signaling that it's time to let go.

I respectfully decline my mother's request.

You may also inquire of your mother whether she would be amenable to facilitating an introduction to a suitable partner should you wish to pursue marriage.

It is not feasible to identify an optimal candidate immediately. After all, relationships are a matter of two people, and marriage is a long-term commitment. Could you assist me in locating three potential matches per week? This frequency may facilitate the identification of a suitable partner.

"

The aforementioned approach represents a novel method of communication with one's mother from a fresh perspective. It is my sincere hope that this strategy will assist the original poster in reducing stress.

Once stress levels are reduced, individuals will be more inclined to focus on their own interests and pursue their preferred activities. They will also be less concerned about the potential for failure, viewing each attempt as a valuable learning experience.

Gradually locate the impartial energy within your body. Wang Yangming's "attaining a good conscience" precisely captures this sensation. You will then realize that you are becoming increasingly resistant to external influences.

Even in the absence of external prompting, individuals can cultivate resilience and fortitude.

My name is 3cats, a psychology author. I would like to express my gratitude to the original family for sharing their healing story on Yixinli.

You're unhappy because you're being pressured to marry.

Let's talk about your story.

1. An older woman who is still single

2. You're not anti-marriage, but you don't want to settle. You still long for true love.

3. Your mother cares about your single status.

4. She is anxious and blames you for her feelings.

5. Work and relationships are not going well.

6. You care about your family and your relationship with them.

7. You think marriage will improve your family and situation.

8. You used to be happier, but now you are anxious.

9. You feel getting married is the solution.

10. You're anxious about being single.

You feel guilty when you cause tension at home.

11. You want to improve your family life.

I want to hug you. There's nothing wrong with wanting love.

Caring about family and wanting them to be happy is kind and affectionate.

It's not easy to find someone you love and marry.

Emphasis here:

Even if we care about our loved ones.

We decide who to marry and how to live.

You said you don't want to marry just for the sake of it. Have you thought about

Who will you spend your life with?

What is your view on marriage?

In your circle of friends, can you meet people who match your views on marriage?

What are your views on marriage?

What have you done?

If not, have you done your best to meet this type of guy?

Boys' circle?

Your mother is concerned about your marriage. Have you talked to her about it?

Have you told your mother what you're doing about marriage?

Your mother is worried about your marriage. You're also unhappy with your career and relationships.

Is it possible that your mother is also worried about your relationship?

and worry about your whole state?

Meeting the right person can have a great positive impact on us.

This gives us more energy for our lives, work, and everything else.

and improve our dignity.

If we don't meet the right person, we can still try to improve ourselves.

We can become better. One day, if we

Experience.

Experience.

Marriage, career, and relationships are all

Life is made up of parts that affect quality of life.

We can solve problems.

Marriage can't solve all problems.

If you rely on marriage to solve everything, you're taking a big risk.

If you both want the other to be a safe haven, who will be the harbor?

Take control of your life instead of waiting for someone to solve your problems.

Here are some suggestions:

2. Talk to your mother about marriage and love.

2. Make changes to your life and marriage to achieve your ideal life.

3. Love is a light that can illuminate our inner being.

Even if it doesn't happen, we can still live a rich life.

When it comes, it's the best part.

4. Everything has a process. If your mother says you won't be happy until you get married,

If you can't feel good, there's nothing you can do.

Everyone is in charge of their own emotions. We are responsible for our own emotions.

Emotions.

6. Love yourself first, then your mother.

7. Good things take time. Until then, enjoy yourself.

When he comes, you'll be ready to join hands with him. Your relationship will be happier and more stable.

Everyone wants happy family relationships, happy love, and a better self.

I hope you can be a safe haven for others and find one for yourself.

I hope this helps.

Hello. I can sense the challenges you're facing from your words.

It seems that your parents are placing a certain amount of pressure on you to get married, and they have even suggested that if you do marry, it will help them to live a more normal life. This has led to feelings of anxiety and stress, as well as feelings of guilt.

This, combined with a lack of success at work, may contribute to your agreement with your mother's view that you are a burden on your family. I can imagine this view must be difficult for you to hear.

I understand that you have expressed your desire to avoid hasty decisions and to seek a deeper connection before entering into marriage. I believe it is natural to approach this significant life event with a sense of caution. Marriage is not simply the end of a phase of life, but rather a new beginning. It is a beautiful experience to embark on this journey of shared life with someone you deeply care for.

It's not uncommon for parents to encourage their children to get married, often with the hope of ensuring their care in later years. This desire to see their children married and living with someone to care for each other can be a source of worry, but it's also a reflection of their love and concern.

You mention that your mother's view of you as a burden to the family is also based on her deep concerns that you are unable to lead a good life. Perhaps she is hoping that you can lead a good life and not worry her.

Perhaps it would be helpful to focus on living your life well, keeping your parents informed about your progress and attitude towards marriage, and demonstrating that you are actively in love. This could help them feel more at ease. It's possible that behind their complaints and worries, parents have a genuine desire to express their love, but may not know how. This can sometimes result in feelings of stress and anxiety.

If you would like to make your life easier and more relaxed, you might like to consider keeping yourself stable and not being infected by your parents' anxiety. You know that she is worried about you, and you also know that you will get through it just fine, so there is no need to worry.

Regarding your observation that not having married has resulted in challenges for your family and feelings of guilt, I respectfully suggest that it is not your responsibility to have met someone you wish to marry. Everyone's journey is unique, with some individuals meeting their partners at an earlier age than others. Before that time comes, it is essential to focus on our own lives. We are each responsible for ourselves, not for others. It is possible that your parents desire to support you, which can cause distress, and then this distress is reflected back to you many times over.

Perhaps you feel a sense of responsibility for your parents and believe that their unhappiness is your fault. This can lead to feelings of guilt as you try to find ways to make them feel better. I want to suggest that their unhappiness may not be entirely your responsibility. It's possible that their situation is shaped by their own experiences and challenges, including anxiety.

It is important to remember that we are all responsible for our own lives, our own moods, and our own emotions. While we can all support each other, no one can be another person's savior, not even the closest relatives.

Parents want to "save" you, so they experience anxiety. You want to "save" your parents, so you feel guilty.

I encourage you to consider letting go of the psychological burden of your guilt and embracing a more fulfilling way of living. May you find relaxation and joy in your life journey.

Good day. I extend to you a warm greeting from a distance.

It is possible to identify feelings of grievance, helplessness, and a desire for understanding, acceptance, and support.

You adhere to the conviction that the age of marriage is inconsequential, contingent only on the presence of an appropriate emotional state. However, when confronted with your parents' objections and persistent urging, you experience uncertainty regarding your unwavering belief in love. Your mother's objections and urging have instilled a profound sense of guilt, self-blame, remorse, and overwhelming pressure. This is because you have largely identified with and internalized your mother's objections and urging. In your view, you are not prepared for marriage at your age, your work is not progressing as desired, and you still rely on your parents for support. You perceive yourself as an inadequate individual and are unable to accept this self-image. Consequently, your mother's objections and urging have made you particularly sensitive and feel significantly pressured. Suddenly, you consider marriage as a means of self-preservation.

It is important to accept and allow yourself to feel this way at home because you are older. At the same time, it is essential to understand that your parents may exhibit nagging behavior due to habit. If their lives in their old age are relatively monotonous, they may focus more attention on their children and show their value by being constantly worried about their children. Additionally, parents' circles are their neighbors and friends. The elderly may compensate for certain shortcomings in their youth by talking about their children (being outstanding and successful) in front of others. However, their primary objective is to ensure their children's happiness. Therefore, the key to gaining your parents' understanding and support is to recognize the underlying needs behind their words and actions. When you can do so, accept and express their thoughts with courage. At the same time, firmly convey your plan for managing your emotions and the psychological pressure and burden caused by your parents' words and actions. This will demonstrate to them that you understand their perspective and are concerned about your marriage. This is an area they may not interfere with you too much about.

It is not uncommon for parents to become involved in their children's marital matters due to a lack of communication. This can lead to a perception by parents that their children are not taking the situation seriously or that they lack the ability to make decisions about a significant life event. This can result in parents becoming overly involved and interfering in the process.

Additionally, maintaining a certain degree of physical distance may be an effective strategy for avoiding pressure from family members regarding marriage. If financial circumstances permit, consider residing independently rather than with your parents. You may wish to consider scheduling one weekend visit per week to see your parents. This approach will limit the impact of face-to-face contact. What are your thoughts on this matter?

It would be beneficial to encourage and guide parents to enrich their lives in their old age. This could be done by teaching them to use new electronic products when they have time, such as watching live broadcasts, downloading audio books, and recording short videos. Attending the university for the elderly, dancing square dancing, and learning new dishes are other potential avenues for engagement. When parents' lives are sufficiently enriched, they will no longer focus their attention solely on their children. This is because they will still have more interesting things to do, and their minds will also be more open.

From your description, it is evident that you also have a strong desire for a fulfilling intimate relationship. It would be beneficial for you to identify the reason for your delay in entering such a relationship. Is it truly because you have not met the ideal person?

If you are avoiding initiating a relationship due to inner insecurity, it would be advisable to focus on improving yourself, developing self-confidence, and entering a nourishing intimate relationship as soon as possible.

We suggest you read the following books: "How to Make the One You Love Fall in Love With You," "The 5 Love Languages," "The Way to Happiness," and "Feel the Love."

My name is Lily, and I am a regular listener of the Q&A Pavilion. I am passionate about the world and about you.

Hello! Your question really reminds me of my sister. She's over 35 and still lives alone, so she totally gets where you're coming from with your current anxieties.

I really like the saying that you should do things at the right age!

I believe that society is like a giant clock, and each of us is a hand on the clock. When we stop keeping time, society will use its own unique way to hurry us along. Getting married is one of these things.

In our country, the concept of family is really important. It's so common to want to get married and start a family! It's also the path most people follow.

It's totally normal to feel anxious and want to make changes when we gradually deviate from this trajectory.

I totally get it. It can be really lonely when you see your friends from before, who used to go shopping and travel together, getting married and having children one after the other, and shifting the focus of their lives to their families.

It's totally normal to feel like you're in a different situation than most of your friends. It can make you feel anxious, but it's okay!

I want to say the opposite of what you think. Having these feelings and thoughts only shows that you are an ordinary person (which is a good thing!).

Oh, don't you worry! Although your parents may always complain, they don't really think you're a burden on the family. They're just anxious for you, sweetheart.

When they think about the future, when they are gone and you are all alone in the world, with no one to pour you a glass of water when you are thirsty, no one to warm your hands when you are cold, no one to sit by your bedside when you are sick, it's only natural for them to worry, isn't it?

I think your parents said something that upset you because they care about you and they want you to make the right decision for yourself.

I really think the best way to get through this is to show your parents that you're taking your life seriously and that you're making the right choices for you.

You're not a non-marriage advocate, so the best thing you can do is accept their arrangements and talk to them about your relationship plans. They'll be happy to give you advice!

And remember, accepting their arrangements doesn't mean settling for less. It just means showing them a positive attitude. At the same time, you can also get to know what you really value through contact with the opposite sex.

It's okay to adjust your mentality because real feelings may differ from what you think. Everyone is an independent individual who needs mutual respect and mutual devotion.

- Look for an opportunity to chat with your parents about your ideal type. They might not see eye to eye with you, and they might think you're either too picky or too innocent. Don't get into a fight with them, but it's important to hear what they have to say about the other person. Your parents have been through a lot together and have developed their own special insights into family relationships. It's always good to listen.