How to deal with it? Want to date someone, yet feel unworthy?

Question author:

I'm Kelly Shui.

After reading your question, I can tell you're experiencing some conflicting thoughts. The good news is that you want to fall in love a little, and that's great.

[About growing up]

We all start a new life at the right age. Just like when we left home for primary school, we want to fit in with our classmates or find a few close friends.

She wants to get to know some colleagues at work and now wants to get into a relationship. If she is an independent adult, the process of falling in love will help her understand herself better.

My friend was originally introverted, but she found a boyfriend with an outgoing personality who often took her to activities together, including outdoor interactions.

Her boyfriend's personality has made her braver and more confident. He encourages her and tells her a lot of her own strengths. She was originally afraid of interacting with people, but with her boyfriend, she has become less afraid.

My girlfriend is reliable. She helps out our friends when she can.

My girlfriend is kind and gentle. She watches us with a smile when we talk. We've always said she's excellent, but she doesn't trust herself.

Her boyfriend recognizes and appreciates her constantly, and now she's very cheerful and active.

My girlfriend's story made it clear to me that falling in love can make people grow up, change a lot, and do so very quickly.

[About myself]

My girlfriend was initially afraid to trust that she was great. I later learned that when she was a child, her family valued boys over girls, her father was an alcoholic, and her mother had a bad temper and abused her and her sister. As a result, she grew up with inferiority complexes and a lack of self-confidence.

Ask yourself:

I want to know where these voices come from.

No book in the world says what kind of person is not worthy of love.

Love is only suitable or not suitable. My girlfriend knows she is introverted. Before falling in love, she likes to find someone cheerful who can have a good time together. She will also reject someone who is introverted like her.

She stated that she did not enjoy the feeling of two people not talking to each other.

We must first understand what kind of person we like and whether we like ourselves.

If you met yourself right now, what parts of yourself would you like to change?

Tell me what you don't like about yourself.

We know ourselves well enough to change, to learn, or to talk to a counselor to figure out what we can keep doing and what we can improve. We're all imperfect, and in a relationship, we can grow together and become better versions of ourselves.

Read these books: Growing in Relationships, The Plastic Me, It Turns Out, and Understanding is More Important than Love.

Hello! I just wanted to give you a warm hug from afar.

I'm so happy you asked for help! I really hope my sharing has given you some support and help.

From what you've told me, I can see that you feel inferior, insecure and that you don't accept yourself. It's so good that you're aware of this.

Intimate relationships can sometimes feel like a relationship between two people, but they're really a relationship between us and our inner selves. When we're not fully accepting of ourselves, it can be easy to project this part of ourselves onto others, thinking that others won't accept our true selves either.

It's totally normal to have some dislike, harshness, and non-acceptance of yourself. We all do! But when you have too much of this, you might find yourself idealizing your partner and having overly perfect expectations of him. This is because you hope that the other person can compensate for that part of your deficiency and inadequacy.

So, once you've become aware of this part of yourself, you can try to accept yourself a little better by learning and growing, building up your self-confidence, and enhancing your sense of self-worth. Only when you can fully accept yourself from the inside out, and be sure that you are good enough and that you deserve to be treated well by yourself and others, can you reap the rewards of a truly nourishing intimate relationship. That's because you'll be allowing and accepting yourself and the other person to be true to themselves in this relationship.

You can give yourself the love and attention you need to feel fulfilled in an intimate relationship. Don't impose your expectations and wishes on your partner — give them to yourself first! When you're feeling loved and fulfilled, you'll choose someone to share your life with because you want to, not because you feel lacking.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!

Hi, I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. The world and I love you!