How to have a healthy relationship when every relationship ends in failure?

Your self-reflection is the first step towards a healthier relationship! The emotional and behavioral patterns you describe point to several key psychological dynamics, in particular attachment styles, relationship anxiety, and fear of intimacy. Here are some suggestions to help you build a healthier relationship:

1. Get to know yourself better by understanding your attachment style!

Your behavior may reflect an anxious attachment style, which often stems from early interactions with close relationships. The good news is that you can work on this! Individuals with an anxious attachment style often fear rejection or abandonment and may display behaviors that are overcontrolling or overly demanding.

It's a great idea to understand your attachment style and recognize how it affects your relationship!

2. Learn to self-regulate — and watch your relationship soar!

Learning how to manage your emotions and anxiety is a great way to take control of your life! There are so many fantastic techniques out there, including mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and any relaxation techniques that work for you.

When you feel uneasy or anxious, these methods are great for helping you reduce your overdependence on your partner by seeking comfort from them immediately!

3. Build trust!

Building trust in a relationship is a wonderful journey that takes time and patience. Embrace the fact that not all distance and independence are a threat to the relationship.

Work with your partner to establish an environment of honest and open communication and discuss your individual needs and boundaries. This is an amazing opportunity to really connect with your partner and build a strong, healthy relationship!

4. Get the help you need from a professional!

Seeking help from a counselor is a great idea! A professional mental health professional can help you gain a deeper understanding of your patterns of behavior, provide strategies for coping with anxiety, and show you how to build and maintain healthy relationships.

5. Self-development

Focus on your personal growth and self-improvement! Developing your own interests and hobbies and strengthening your sense of self-worth is a great way to reduce your over-reliance on the relationship. Not only that, it'll make you a more attractive partner!

6. It's time to establish healthy communication patterns!

It's time to learn how to express your needs and feelings in a healthy way! This means moving away from indifference and aggressive behavior. It also includes learning how to listen effectively and respond to your partner's needs.

7. Change your mindset!

Think of your relationship as a partnership, not a competition! A true intimate relationship is based on mutual respect, understanding, and support—not on who is in control.

Embrace the idea of growing together with your partner! Let go of the idea of being the "winner" and focus on how you can learn and evolve together.

By taking these steps, you can begin to build a healthier and more fulfilling relationship! It will be based on mutual understanding, respect, and love, not on fear and control. Remember, change takes time and patience, but with effort and the right support, you can develop healthier relationship patterns!

Hi, I'm happy to answer your question. I hope you find these suggestions helpful.

In this situation, it's important to start with ourselves. We can identify any issues in the relationship early on, and when we regulate ourselves, the relationship will improve over time.

We can look for a counselor to help us improve our views on marriage and love. Along the way, we can learn more about the importance of independence and how to create a sense of security.

The key thing to remember is that everyone is an independent person and has the freedom to make their own choices, even when it comes to love, marriage and having children. This means that how you spend your time is entirely up to you.

It's also important to focus on building and maintaining a sense of security. For instance, while we're technically free to do our own thing now that we're married, parents, or whatever, we still need to make sure our partner, kids, or parents feel safe. We need to show them that even when we're not around, we're there for them mentally, and that we'll try to spend time with them when we can.

On top of that, we also need to work on feeling secure in ourselves.

We should also communicate openly with each other, express our feelings, and listen to each other's thoughts and ideas.

Another thing we can do is work on our hobbies on our own. When our partners can't keep us company, we can enjoy being alone or have fun with our friends.

Finally, if you're still having trouble regulating your emotions or communicating with your partner after an intimate relationship, you can also seek help from a psychologist, learn more about gender dynamics, and work together to manage your relationship.

We hope you can find ways to adjust to your own situation, build self-confidence, and feel secure through self-awareness and self-management.

I just wanted to say that I love you, the world, and I love you too!

Your experiences and feelings show that you're dealing with a pretty common but complex issue. It involves insecurity, a desire for control, trust issues, and how you handle your emotions in close relationships. These problems often have their roots in how you were raised, past experiences, and your inner psychological state.

These problems can't be solved overnight. You'll need time, patience, and possibly professional guidance. We can look at your situation from different angles to help you figure out the best way forward.

1. Insecurity and the desire for control

Lack of self-worth or instability in early life (like in the family environment or early relationships) can lead to insecurity. When someone lacks confidence in their own value and the stability of their relationship, they may try to gain a sense of security by controlling the other person.

This control may come across as a demand for the other person to devote more time, energy, and even emotional focus. However, this control will backfire, causing the other person to resist and distance themselves, which ultimately exacerbates the original insecurity.

2. Trust issues

Trust is the foundation of any close relationship. A lack of trust can be caused by past experiences of betrayal or doubts about one's own value, making it challenging to fully open up and trust the other person in a new relationship.

Prolonged absence of contact is often seen as a lack of love or ambiguous behavior, but it's really an external manifestation of internal insecurity. Building trust takes time and joint efforts from both sides, with communication and understanding being key.

3. Managing emotions

You said you tend to lose control of your emotions in intimate relationships. You also said you can be sensitive and aggressive. This may be because intimacy makes you more emotional, making it harder to manage your feelings in this relationship.

When we lose control of our emotions, it can affect our own mental health, as well as the other person and the relationship.

4. Self-protection mechanisms

You said you sometimes use cold and aggressive words to protect yourself and that you don't want to let your partner know everything about you. This pattern of behavior could be seen as a self-protection mechanism, the aim of which is to avoid being hurt.

However, this can make it harder to have real emotional communication and intimacy with your partner.

Here are some strategies for solving problems:

1. Self-awareness and acceptance: Take the time to really understand yourself and recognize what's driving your insecurity and desire for control. You can do this through journaling, counseling, etc.

2. Build a healthy sense of self-worth. Boost your self-esteem through personal growth, hobbies, career development, etc. This will help you feel more secure in your relationships.

3. Learn effective communication skills. This means learning how to express your needs and emotions in a positive way, listening to your partner's thoughts and feelings, and building consensus and understanding through effective communication.

4. Emotion management: Learn to manage your emotions through meditation, exercise, artistic creation, etc., and reduce impulsive behavior in relationships.

5. Professional psychological counseling: You might want to think about seeing a professional psychologist to get help with deep-seated psychological problems using systematic psychological treatment methods.

We all face challenges and difficulties when it comes to building and maintaining close relationships. It's crucial to acknowledge these issues and be open to taking steps to improve and resolve them.

If you keep working on yourself and put in the effort, you can gradually build healthier and more satisfying relationships.

Greetings.

After reviewing the provided description, it is evident that a comprehensive understanding of the current situation has been achieved.

Firstly, the title of the article states, "How should you have a healthy relationship?"; therefore, it is necessary to define what is meant by a healthy relationship.

1. In a relationship, emotions should be stable and the relationship should be comfortable. When necessary, there should be mutual understanding to minimize arguments.

2. Acceptance of each other's strengths and weaknesses is a crucial aspect of a healthy relationship. The strength of a relationship is contingent upon the ability of its members to tolerate each other's shortcomings. Conversely, the dissolution of a relationship may be attributed to an inability to accept these differences.

3. Collaborate to resolve issues. When challenges emerge, work collectively to find solutions, combining the strengths of both individuals to address problems effectively.

4. It is based on mutual respect and trust.

5. Effective communication is essential for a healthy relationship. Both partners must be able to communicate their thoughts and feelings with one another, provide support, and work together to overcome challenges.

6. There is a certain degree of freedom, and each individual maintains their own life and interests.

This relationship is therefore deemed to be healthy, and it would be reasonable to extend this assessment to include a healthy marriage.

1. The couple maintains an egalitarian relationship, wherein the household income is not contingent on the income of either partner. It is imperative that the couple upholds this egalitarian structure at all times.

2. There is no concealment of the other party on matters of principle.

3. The couple engages in frequent communication and is forthcoming with one another about any doubts or difficulties they may encounter.

4. In couples where both partners are employed, the division of domestic responsibilities is typically shared. The specific arrangement may vary depending on the circumstances, and there is often no expectation for one partner to assume a greater share of the workload.

5. It is not uncommon for couples to engage in disagreements; however, these do not typically escalate into prolonged conflicts. The couple does not harbor resentment or hold a grudge against each other. After an argument, they do not consistently dwell on the perceived shortcomings of their partner. As the anger dissipates, they are able to move on from the disagreement and refrain from allowing it to affect their relationship.

6. The couple exhibits tolerance for one another and does not engage in competitive behavior.

7. In the presence of external parties, they will undoubtedly extend sufficient respect, regard, and affection to their partner.

8. In the event that both spouses are available, they will forego their other obligations and embark on an impromptu excursion.

9. In the presence of friends of the opposite sex, they will be candid and inform their partner, and they will consistently inquire as to whether their partner wishes to accompany them when necessary.

This serves to illustrate the distinction between love and marriage. The objective is to establish a healthy relationship, which will then facilitate the transition to a healthy marriage.

Secondly, the description provided contains numerous instances that contravene the principles of healthy love.

For example, the desire to monopolize the other person's time in a relationship, even when they are engaged in activities such as studying or working, represents a violation of the fourth and sixth rules of healthy relationships. Such behavior may also have implications for the future of the marriage. The concept of socialization as an inevitable aspect of relationships is illustrated in the television series "Ex-Files," and the aforementioned behavior demonstrates an overbearing approach.

For example, "As soon as one enters an intimate relationship, it begins to feel somewhat forced, somewhat noisy, somewhat anxious, and somewhat distrustful, making the other person feel suffocated." This description is more akin to a manifestation of possessiveness. It would be preferable to avoid being in love, as possessiveness is not strongly displayed in such circumstances. However, once one is in love, the manifestation of possessiveness is very strong, even to the point of being uncontrollable. Generally, this kind of person lacks friends, and if they wish to change, they should make more friends.

In conclusion, the title indicates that the subject has only been involved in three relationships. This is a relatively limited experience in the context of contemporary relationships, which often involve multiple partners. It is important to recognise that social norms and expectations are evolving rapidly, and individuals are increasingly open to adapting their relationship requirements in line with these changes.

Furthermore, it is important to note that individuals will continue to evolve throughout the process. As long as the original intentions are maintained, changes will not significantly impact the relationship or marriage.

Furthermore, love and marriage are both a means of management, or a way of doing business. There is still much to learn.

The following advice is offered:

1. The process of falling in love can be likened to flying a kite; it necessitates the acquisition of the requisite skills to control it.

2. Love is a form of enjoyment, and one must learn to trust, but not blindly.

3. The experience of being in love will invariably affect the individual on each occasion. Regardless of the impact, it is imperative to maintain focus on the original intentions.

The aforementioned content is intended solely for reference purposes.

Many teachers have provided excellent analyses and responses, as well as insights into the questioner's family issues. The questioner has also engaged with these analyses, clarifying some of the confusion. Given this, I will not delve deeply into these areas but will instead offer my own perspectives for the questioner's consideration.

It is only when you lack a sense of security within yourself that you look for it from the outside. This is especially true in intimate relationships, where you want to prove your ability and gain a sense of security by controlling the other person. This will only make the other person feel uncomfortable and unhappy, and they will want to escape the relationship, which will lead to the situations the questioner has encountered. Once the other person becomes indifferent, the questioner will feel the anxiety brought on by a loss of control, and they will want to control the other person even more, thus creating a relationship pattern of control and counter-control. The two people will also change from being in a parallel intimate relationship to an opposing relationship of chase and escape. A relationship like this will inevitably make people feel very tired and unhappy.

The questioner mentioned wanting a healthy relationship, which requires the questioner to clarify what kind of relationship is a "healthy" relationship and how to measure it. I believe that using "healthy" to describe a relationship is inappropriate. It would be more appropriate to describe it as "benign." And while "healthy" is used to describe a state of mind, it would also be more appropriate. I am certain that the questioner will have some gains after reading the book recommended by the teacher upstairs.

It is crucial to understand that relationships require the joint efforts of two people to manage. They cannot be maintained and carried out by one person unilaterally manipulating the situation. Therefore, it is essential to clearly define the boundaries of one's own space in a relationship. It is vital to not infringe too much on the other person's boundaries of space and to allow the other person to maintain their own independent privacy space while still being close to you. This will make the relationship easier and more comfortable to get along with, and it will go more smoothly and further.

Hello, I'm Xintan Coach Feiyun. Life is a beautiful journey, and it's so important to embrace it fully and let yourself blossom.

A hug that comforts. You are not alone in experiencing and feeling this way. We've all been there! On the one hand, you have a longing for love and a good intimate relationship. On the other hand, there's constant rejection and rejection. Even rejection is actually a longing for love, but it's just a fear of losing what you've gained. So, this has become a way of "defense."

1. In past relationships, you've already picked up on your own patterns.

You know, when you first started a relationship, you were a bit of a "slow burner." The other person was really good to you, and you didn't treat them as well as they treated you. At first, you were a bit high-handed, but before and after the breakup, you became low-handed.

At first, you didn't have any expectations in the relationship, but after the breakup, you really tried to hold on to it.

It's totally normal to have different feelings and reactions in a dating situation. We all have desires, but sometimes we can also push our partners away without realizing it.

This pattern is carried over into every intimate relationship you enter into. It's totally normal to feel this way! Your anxiety, your persistence and stubbornness, your refusal, etc., all reflect to some extent a lack of security.

People who lack a sense of security can sometimes be a bit controlling in relationships. They might need to fill their inner unease with a sense of control. Insufficient security generally comes from before the age of 3.

We mainly get a sense of security from our parents, don't we? Whether or not our parents are in a happy and stable marriage, whether or not they spend time with us, and how they raise us all affect a person's sense of security.

The wonderful news is that love is a skill that can be learned!

You've noticed these patterns in yourself, and that's a great start! It means you're ready to make a change. Just as you've seen a thief, you can now choose not to let him steal your joy.

You see your own longing for love, but you're not sure how to grasp the love that has already come your way. You see yourself controlling the other person, making the object of your affection feel pressured and suffocated. You see yourself acting noble, but loving in a humble way...

Keep up the great work! You're doing so well. Just remember to maintain this awareness while you're cultivating your ability to love. You can do it! You can do anything you set your mind to. There are so many ways to do this, like through meditation practice, writing for self-healing, or seeking out a listening therapist/psychologist to talk to for professional support and help.

When you enter an intimate relationship with a heart that is rich and strong, because you are rich, you are firm and confident in your relationship. You have no fear and will enjoy it regardless of the outcome!

I really think you'd benefit from reading "Psychological Nutrition" and "Knowing How to Love." I hope they help you to be nourished in love, quickly achieve self-growth, and reap the happiness and sweetness of love.

I really hope this has been helpful for you. And I just want to say that I love you, and I love the world too!

If you'd like to keep the conversation going, you can follow my personal homepage, Heart Exploration Service.

In love, don't fight for self-satisfaction or be greedy for self-love. Instead, focus on loving the other person and letting them love you back! Don't force the other person to satisfy your emotional needs. Instead, let them come to you naturally. And don't worry about the gains and losses of your own emotions. Just hope that the other person can be happy and blessed! Let love come close and let it go. Let love gather and let it part. And most of all, know how to truly love others!

To truly love others is to wish and give them happiness! And to do so for everyone—the outstanding, the ordinary, and even the weak. To mentally accept and forgive, and correct mistakes or shortcomings if possible—everyone has the right to happiness! People can bring each other spiritual comfort and even joy! It is good to love and accept others and oneself, to tolerate shortcomings and deficiencies, and to be kind at heart. That is, to benefit others or society, not to disdain or reject ordinary people, not to be jealous or intolerant of outstanding people.

If you don't get along with most people's magnetic fields, it can lead to negative energy, i.e. negative emotional problems. But don't worry! You can easily overcome this by truly loving others, adapting to people and things, and correcting your energy field. This will help you find and have love and suitable relationships and careers much more easily! You can also share and exchange what you see, hear, think, and feel or your interests and hobbies, including books, movies, music, etc., with others in real life and on the Internet, such as Douban communities.

And don't forget to love your life and be content with the little things!

It's important to keep your body comfortable and healthy! One great way to do this is by giving yourself a full-body massage. And don't forget about your head! Head massages include the forehead and face, which also have meridians. Massage deeply and firmly with your hands, press the head with a hard massage comb, and don't press your stomach on an empty stomach.

If you're feeling down, out of sorts, or just generally not feeling your best, it might be time to check in with yourself. Are you too self-centered or self-absorbed? Do you have a lot on your plate? Do you have a lot of things going on in your life that just don't seem to be going your way? Do you have interpersonal conflicts, relationship or family problems, or even problems at school or work? If so, it's time to take a step back and assess your energy. Your energy field is like a magnetic field. It attracts or repels people and situations. If you're too self-centered, you'll attract negative energy from others. This can lead to magnetic field problems with people around you. But it's not all bad news! You can learn how to truly love others, adapt to people and situations, and correct your energy field to avoid or reduce negative emotions, resolve conflicts, improve interpersonal relationships, and better solve the above problems. And if you're feeling especially generous, you can even help those around you grow and change together!

Hello girl, I'm confident my answer will help you.

If you feel insecure in relationships, it's because your attachment patterns as a child were insecure. Your current intimate relationship patterns are closely related to your attachment patterns with your parents. You're aware of this, but to gain more understanding and knowledge of yourself, you need to go back to your childhood and see the impact of your growth experiences on you. This will help you accept yourself and grow and develop yourself on this foundation.

I advise you to:

The source of your insecurity in intimate relationships is exploring the impact of your own early experiences on yourself and seeing the influence of early attachment patterns on current intimate relationships.

Read books on attachment theory if you want to know more. You will understand that the current pattern of our intimate relationships comes from the early attachment patterns. People are on a continuum, and we do not become who we are all at once. Instead, we become each different person after a baby has experienced many different things.

Research proves that early experiences have a profound impact on us as adults, even if we don't remember them. Our bodies remember, and many automatic responses repeat early patterns.

It is crucial to understand the impact of early experiences on ourselves. Seeing is the first step towards healing. To do this, we must consider how we interacted with important figures during our infancy, the nature of our relationship with our parents, our perception of relationships, and whether they are safe, unreliable, or dangerous.

You will understand why you feel insecure in relationships and gain a deep understanding of yourself.

2. You can establish an inner sense of security, which is the source of your sense of security in relationships.

However, there is no need to worry. Attachment patterns can be changed, and we can establish a secure attachment pattern. The most important thing is to establish an inner sense of security. Learn to care for yourself and give yourself enough security. Read the book The Power of Self-Care, which contains detailed ways and exercises for self-care.

Heal yourself through a good relationship. Find a boyfriend with a secure attachment. When he can handle relationship problems calmly and give you a stable response and care, he will have a positive influence on you. Join some supportive groups where members give each other unconditional acceptance. Speak freely and express yourself sincerely and consistently. You will feel safe being your true self. Be yourself in a relationship and establish a sense of security. This feeling will transfer to your intimate relationship. Go to counseling. Re-nurture yourself and re-establish a secure attachment pattern.

You may find the above information useful. Best wishes!

Hello, I'm Qu Huidong, a counselor who can help you understand your feelings.

The questioner has failed in three relationships. They feel fear and anxiety in all their relationships. They need intimacy, fear rejection, and doubt others because of their anxiety. Their need for certainty makes others uncomfortable and cold. To avoid being abandoned, they end the relationship.

When it's really over, you can't sleep or eat.

The original poster wants to know how to have a healthy relationship. We need to understand why we always enter a vicious cycle. It has to do with the type of attachment relationship!

There are two types of attachment in intimate relationships. I need more details to know which one you have.

People with avoidant attachment usually had damaged relationships when they were young. They want affection but are afraid of being hurt. In a relationship, they become anxious and worried. They worry about losing love because they are afraid of feeling ignored and abandoned.

They want to be close to each other but won't get too close because they're afraid of being hurt. They think long-term pain is better than short-term pain and end the relationship. But they really want intimacy. Avoidant types will unconsciously hide the things their partner likes.

The other type is ambivalent attachment. This type is generally caused by parents' unstable parenting styles. Therefore, in intimate relationships, ambivalent people's emotions always fluctuate with anxiety. This also makes the other person feel lost and always on tenterhooks.

Use the above description to re-evaluate your relationship with your partner. Know that your inner sense of instability makes you anxious, not your bad character.

No matter which type of insecure attachment you have, you can improve it! You just have to be willing to make changes.

If you have trouble with your partner, you can also work with a counselor. A good, safe relationship helps you grow and understand yourself better. It also helps you deal with your feelings of anxiety and anger. We still need close relationships to heal our wounds.

I hope to accompany you on your spiritual journey.

If you're feeling limited, put in more effort. When you feel anxious, focus on yourself. Be aware of your emotions and don't be too hard on yourself. You'll learn to be less hard on your partner and feel more comfortable in the relationship.

May you be happy and yourself!

Best wishes!

Hello, question asker! I can see the confusion you are facing now, and I give you a big, warm hug!

You think that if your partner doesn't contact you for a long time, it means one of two things: either they don't love you, or they're having an affair!

This is actually a manifestation of a lack of security, which is something you can totally change!

You can recall that when you were a child, you had a relationship with your mother that could have been better.

It could be better, don't you think?

I'm so excited to tell you that there's a chance that when you were a child, your mother ignored your needs every time and continued to mind her own business!

So when you grow up, you feel that the whole world is unsafe. But you know what? You can change that!

That's why you've always looked to other people for security — and now you're ready to change that!

But you have now become aware of the problem and want to change yourself, which is a very rare and wonderful thing!

The great news is that self-awareness is often the first step on the road to healing!

In fact, you are now aware that you have grown up, which is a truly exciting development!

You've grown up! You're not the child you once were.

There is also a marked difference from the child I once was, which is really exciting!

For example, you are taller and stronger than when you were a child! You are also more mentally powerful.

So now it is completely possible to give yourself a sense of security!

If you need it, you can also get help from a professional psychological counselor.

A counselor is a professional who can give you some great advice!

I really, really hope that you can resolve your problem effectively soon!

I can think of these now!

I really hope my answer is helpful and inspiring for you! I am the answerer who studies hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you! Take care!

Yippee!