How to persuade your loved one to strive for their goals as a fresh college graduate?

Hello, host!

From what you've said, I get the impression that you're a highly motivated person who also wants their partner to be as driven as they are. However, it seems that there are a lot of ideals, but not a lot of reality! Let's take a look at the situation:

1. You're both classmates preparing for the postgraduate entrance exam. You passed, but she fell behind.

2. You really want to help her improve, and she tries her best, but things don't go as planned. It seems like she has a lot of knowledge to gain, and what seems simple is difficult to do. You also don't get the result you want.

3. She's eager to get close to you, but there's no reward for her efforts. She's in a state of inertia...

First of all, it's really tough for someone to change another person unless they're ready to change themselves. I think deep down, she really wants to keep up with you and walk side by side with you.

It's tough. Until she gets the recognition she deserves, it's hard to find the internal drive!

Secondly, have you identified her true desires? You've already discussed this, which is great!

A harmonious relationship is built on communication. If she's tried really hard but still hasn't achieved the desired effect, what would you do?

It seems like your loved one is in a tough spot right now. Her graduation thesis is a mess, she almost failed the civil service exam, and even her internship is in jeopardy. How devastated she must feel! If you were in her shoes, where would you start?

Finally, I'd like to suggest that you encourage and recognize her more, as she may really need your recognition! When communicating, think about this: what was the most difficult thing she has ever done before?

How did she handle it back then? Now that you're facing a tough challenge too, are you ready to give it another go with the same mindset?

Mistakes are part of the process, and they can actually lead to greater gains! As for how to get started, you can discuss it among yourselves.

Would you be up for giving it a shot?

Good morning, I am writing to commend you on your excellent support of your girlfriend. It is clear that you are a patient and considerate partner, offering praise and comfort when needed. Best regards,

First and foremost, even in a romantic or marital relationship, the two individuals remain independent entities. Her ability to gain admission to the university as a classmate of yours demonstrates that her fundamental capabilities are not deficient.

I believe your relationship with her has become overly directive and instructional, which is not conducive to a healthy marital or romantic dynamic.

Secondly, it is not uncommon for individuals, particularly women, to become overly relaxed or dependent in a relationship. This can result in a gradual loss of independence and the onset of emotional withdrawal or avoidance behaviours. In such cases, the stronger the individual appears, the weaker the other person may become.

Thirdly, there is another reason: men and women are different. Perhaps this major is not a good fit for her, and she has not discovered her strengths. For example, if her hobby is singing and you force her to dance, it is obviously not a good fit and will only cause more pain. It is therefore important not to push her too hard, but to allow her to relax, think independently, and find her own direction. This may help her to gradually recover.

Please consider this: if she had not met you, would she still be where she is now? Would she still be studying for her postgraduate exams?

I am currently not employed.

In conclusion, your efforts are commendable and require dedication. However, it is essential to recognize that everyone is an independent entity. Even in romantic relationships, mutual respect and understanding are crucial for a happy and lasting partnership.

This is to inform you that Pretentious Young People (ID: qingnianJIA2020) is looking forward to maintaining communication with you.

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Dear Sir/Madam, I hope this message finds you well. I am contacting you regarding a query I have regarding your recent product. I would be grateful if you could provide me with further information regarding

From your description, I can see that you are a caring individual with a strong sense of responsibility towards others. Your thoughts and intentions are commendable.

We believe we are acting in her best interests by planning her future and making study plans for her.

Have we considered the feelings of the other person? Our goal is to change our girlfriend, not ourselves. Are the solutions we come up with suitable for the other person?

American writer Byron Katie wrote in "The I-Ching": "Of the whole universe, I have found only three things: my own affairs, other people's affairs, and God's affairs."

It is not within our power to influence the future of another person, including our girlfriend. It is their own business, and we can make suggestions, but we cannot take control of it for them.

It is essential to learn to take responsibility for our own emotions. The questioner's primary concern is that his expectations of his girlfriend are too high.

The following is an illustrative example of expectations.

Xiaoli's birthday is today, and she has been preoccupied with anticipating the gift her boyfriend will buy her and the restaurant he will take her to.

In this situation, there are three potential outcomes.

1. Her boyfriend called her at night and requested her presence at a renowned Western restaurant in the city. During dinner, her boyfriend presented her with a ring and proposed marriage, which was a great surprise to Xiaoli.

2. Despite being engaged in overtime work, my boyfriend took the initiative to extend birthday greetings to Xiaoli via telephone and arranged for a floral arrangement to be delivered to her. While Xiaoli expressed some degree of disappointment, she was grateful for the gesture and felt that her boyfriend's attention was still directed towards her.

3. Her boyfriend failed to acknowledge Xiao Li's birthday, neither contacting her nor sending any greetings. Xiao Li waited in vain all day, and then considered ending the relationship.

As illustrated in the aforementioned example, the mood of Xiaoli is entirely dependent on the actions of her boyfriend.

It is evident that the OP has certain expectations of his girlfriend. It is my hope that she is doing well and is open to listening to our concerns.

However, my girlfriend has proven to be somewhat lacking in initiative and reliability, which has led to some challenges in our relationship.

Therefore, if we allow others to control our emotions, they will also control our feelings of joy and sadness. In the long run, we will lose our sense of self and our relationships with those who interfere. This will not be a worthwhile outcome.

I hope this information is helpful to the questioner.

Thank you for your time. I am Jiusi, on Yixinli, and I appreciate your consideration.

Hello!

I have to ask, isn't the current questioner tired?

Love is a relationship that mature lovers talk about, not a childish and arbitrary game. When two adults maturely face a relationship, they are able to deal with all the difficulties they encounter in the relationship, willing to take action and even more willing to show sincerity. This is what makes a relationship positive and healthy!

Love also requires responsibility and respect for the other person's commitment—and it's so worth it!

It's so inspiring to see how whenever problems arise, the problem solver is always proactive in finding a solution and taking responsibility. The girlfriend, on the other hand, seems to be more of a "free rider." This relationship pattern has continued to the present day, and no matter how many things the girlfriend screws up, the boyfriend is always the one who solves the problems. It's so admirable how he always steps up to the challenge! The girlfriend, on the other hand, will just create problems again, as if it's normal. It's a testament to their unique relationship dynamic. Is this kind of romantic relationship really equal?

While love is different from marriage, if you want to go on well, both parties need to work hard, make sacrifices, and change. And it's so worth it! Because love that only one party insists on is not love, let alone the motivation to make your girlfriend change because of love.

Seeing each other and treating each other sincerely is a great way to start off your day!

It's romantic to want the same goal for love's sake. But what's stopping you? Is it really that the exam is too difficult and the process too tough?

Absolutely! If you really like each other and really think you are working hard for love, you should feel more challenged and more meaningful the greater the difficulty.

I'm not sure if the questioner has noticed, but assuming that it really isn't the girlfriend's learning ability that is the problem, what is the real reason that the wish cannot be realized step by step? There must be a way to make it happen!

The answer is probably what the questioner is most reluctant to admit, and that is that she doesn't love you, or doesn't love you enough. But here's the good news: you can change that! How much someone loves someone else is best demonstrated by their actions. And the great thing about love is that it doesn't need to be proven through others.

So, stop acting like a father and start teaching your "daughter" how to learn! Your girlfriend is an adult, so let her know what she wants and encourage her to work hard for it.

Gaining in a relationship is all about growing together!

I don't know how much time and energy the questioner has devoted to his girlfriend, but from the description, it really seems that he is paying full attention to and taking care of his girlfriend's life. In this relationship, his girlfriend is comfortable and doesn't need to spend much energy paying attention to her boyfriend, which is great for both of them! So what has the boyfriend gained from his girlfriend?

A relationship without love flowing and nourishing each other is prone to depletion. But there's no need to worry! At the same time, due to the emotional cost, it is easy to become obsessed, which is not a state of expression that should be there. Because love should not be a shackle, but give each other greater freedom.

I really hope the questioner can find an objective reference, relax, and have a truly enjoyable relationship!

Wishing you all the best!

Hello!

This question made me feel a bit sad and a bit amused at the same time. It seems like you don't fully understand what the other person really needs. When you encounter problems, you expect the other person to keep trying, but things don't seem to be going as planned. It's like you're going in the wrong direction and getting caught up in emotions. Let's figure this out together.

Do your expectations come from her heart?

You think you'll achieve your goals together with your partner, go to school together, and work together. Of course, this is only your own idea.

You've seen the real state of your girlfriend's other half. She's taken the CET 6 exam six times and still hasn't passed. Her thesis is full of confusing ideas. When it was almost ready for finalization, the plagiarism rate was still 20-30%. She wanted to take the civil service exam but fell short of the passing mark by more than ten points. She's currently interning in a small company but has no basic Excel skills. She complains about the difficulties of various tasks every day. She's planning to resign. She's in a very chaotic and confused state. She's even taken the CET 6 exam six times because you've pressured her to do so many times. She doesn't know what she wants. She's very confused. She has emotions that don't allow her to study and become a better person. She's been dealing with life in a very negative state, which is very tiring. But you always want, want, demand that she meet your expectations.

This is the main issue.

Let go of the pressure to change how the other person sees things and support them through it.

I think some of her stress comes from your expectations of her. Did you pass the CET-6?

Your thesis was better than hers. She tried the CET six times and didn't pass. She also failed the civil service exam.

You're ready for everything except a postgraduate admission letter. Studying is easy for you, but not for your partner.

Think about it. If you're not great at handling pressure and you have to work with someone who's really good at it every day, wouldn't you feel overwhelmed and inferior?

My dear, you've always only considered your own feelings and needs, never the other person's real situation and state, or her actual abilities. I want to ask you a question: "Do you love the person who can work hard with you for the entrance exam, or the real but not so good her in front of you?" If it's the latter, I sincerely hope that you can let go of your own prejudices and not force her to do this and that for your expectations... Instead, make her happy.

If you love the former, someone who is with you as you strive to become a better person, then break up. She can't satisfy you for the time being. She can't do it.

If you want her to be happy and you both to be happy, you have to apologize sincerely and encourage her to be herself by spending time with her. She'll slowly become a better person without you having to say anything.

In a relationship, it's important to understand the other person's real needs and connect with them on a deeper level.

Knowing how to love and having the ability to love is something we have to keep learning. Otherwise, we're likely to take our childhood traumas and needs and use them to demand, accuse, and even coerce the other person...

This is something we need to look at from our childhood and our relationship with our parents to understand better and resolve. At the same time, our partners will also have some unmet needs from childhood that will affect their relationships. There will be a lot of conflicts along the way.

Wu Zhihong has written two books. One is about how our original family influences our personalities and behaviors. It's called Why Family Hurts. In this book, we can see how some of our parents' behaviors affect us and how we can heal ourselves.

Another book, Why Love Hurts, looks at some of the behaviors we exhibit in relationships and marriages and why we do the things we do. We often hear "I did it all for your own good, for a better future...because I love you" in the name of love, but in reality, no one is really comfortable. This book talks about how our childhood experiences and our interactions with our parents have influenced our behavior and what needs are behind it.

How can we recognize our own needs, respond to the other person's challenges, and see their efforts? When we do this, relationships become more harmonious.

I hope these two books can help you tackle some of the practical issues you're facing.

I hope my answer is useful to you. I appreciate your interest in this topic!

Greetings.

It appears that you are experiencing considerable anxiety and concern regarding your girlfriend's academic performance and overall well-being. You are hopeful that she will succeed and work diligently with you to build a bright future, yet you seem to be unable to provide the necessary motivation. This has led to feelings of frustration, anger, and helplessness. I can fully empathize with your situation.

From your description, it appears that your attitude may be somewhat akin to that of a mother to her daughter. Many mothers experience similar anxieties when they are dissatisfied with their children's academic performance, and your approach seems to mirror that of a mother managing her child.

Your girlfriend is striving to maintain her academic performance to keep pace with yours, yet she consistently lacks motivation. This may be because she views studying as a mere means of keeping up with you, rather than a challenging and rewarding endeavor in itself. Consequently, she exhibits a lack of initiative and has not fully engaged her enthusiasm to excel.

It is recommended that you accept your girlfriend's current situation. This may be due to a lack of motivation or ability, which temporarily prevents her from living the life you expect her to.

It is important to allow your girlfriend the initiative back. If someone assumes an excessive amount of responsibility for you, it is understandable that you may not feel inclined to assume less responsibility yourself.

Letting go is an indication of respect and trust for one's partner. It is possible that allowing one's partner to take responsibility for themselves may encourage them to do so.

In an intimate relationship, it is essential for couples to recognize their equal status as partners and establish clear boundaries to facilitate mutual understanding and respect. While it may be beneficial for the relationship to occasionally prioritize the needs of one individual over another, or for both parties to have input, it is crucial to maintain a clear delineation between the boundaries of each person. When these boundaries are blurred, it can lead to complications and confusion within the relationship.

It is imperative that you fulfill your obligations. The power of example is often immeasurable.

If your girlfriend values the relationship, she will be willing to follow in your footsteps. This sense of self-motivation will provide her with considerable motivation. Therefore, it is not necessary for you to provide extensive guidance or supervision. Simply maintain your own sense of self and assist her when she requires assistance with practical matters.

It is my hope that the response from Hongyu will prove to be of assistance. I am grateful for your inquiry.

Good evening. It is evident that you are a highly motivated individual. You are willing to invest time in planning and studying, and you have demonstrated success in this endeavor. You have now been accepted into graduate school.

However, your girlfriend is somewhat deficient in certain areas. She is unable to compose a well-written thesis, lacks proficiency in fundamental Excel skills, and struggles to adhere to her plans.

You are genuinely interested in her pursuing further studies, whether it be for the civil service examination or the postgraduate entrance examination. In essence, you are committed to her success.

One can empathize with the emotional state of the subject, experiencing a sense of helplessness and frustration. At the same time, it is difficult to comprehend the reasons behind the other party's reluctance to pursue their own well-being and to persevere in the face of adversity.

It is analogous to the experience of parenting a child who is disobedient and rebellious.

In light of the aforementioned circumstances, I offer my perspective on the matter.

Firstly, it would be prudent to avoid exerting pressure on her when she is faced with a situation involving someone as outstanding as you.

It is important to consider the circumstances. You are highly capable, and she did not pass the postgraduate entrance exam because she did not confirm that she missed it. Therefore, she does not bear responsibility for her perceived lack of capability.

What if she is unable to fulfill the responsibilities of the position after passing the civil service exam? Or, alternatively, what if new expectations are placed upon her after she passes?

Should she pass the TEM-6 exam, will you have new requirements for her, and will she be expected to work even harder?

In the workplace, if an employee is performing well, it is reasonable to assume that they will strive to excel even further.

Therefore, in her subconscious, she will make some minor mistakes in order to avoid the pressure that would result from success.

It is likely that her current lifestyle represents a kind of psychological comfort zone, one that allows her to cope with less pressure from you than she would otherwise experience.

Secondly, it is imperative to acknowledge that your emotions are a significant aspect of this situation and that addressing them directly is essential for effective resolution.

Your desire for her to improve is well-intentioned, yet she has fallen short of your expectations. Consequently, you must confront your emotions.

One must inquire as to why the subject is experiencing anger and why the object of the anger does not attempt to render the subject helpless.

It is imperative that you consider the following.

It would be beneficial to consider your own emotions and experiences in order to gain insight into the situation. It may be helpful to determine whether her behavior has triggered any hidden trauma within you.

This is a matter that must be resolved by the individual in question.

Thirdly, it is imperative to respect the other person's lifestyle.

It is accurate to conclude that, from a conventional perspective, your girlfriend should endeavour to exert more effort. However, this assertion is based on the opinions of external observers and the expectations of the general public, rather than on her own desires or her current state of mind.

The precise reason for this remains unclear. The above explanation is based on speculation.

For the time being, however, she has indicated that she is not interested in making any changes. It would be advisable to respect her decision and allow the situation to evolve naturally.

It is possible that your efforts have instilled a sense of apprehension in her, prompting her to avoid challenging herself. Alternatively, she may be attempting to draw attention to your achievements by highlighting her own shortcomings.

I am unable to provide a definitive answer; however, it is a possibility.

It would be prudent to take a moment to calm down and reflect on the situation.

I am frequently both a Buddhist and a pessimist, occasionally motivated and positive.

Dear classmate,

I'm Sunshine, and I'm so excited to connect with you on the Yixinli platform!

I'm so grateful to the original poster for his clear perception. He's realized that his beloved girlfriend and he aren't currently on the same page, which has led to this fascinating discussion topic: "How can a recent college graduate persuade their lover to work towards a common goal?"

I am so grateful for the questioner's awareness and also for my own unremitting efforts. I think there are so many more perspectives on facing this problem that we can discuss here!

I'd also love to share my thoughts and ideas for the questioner's reference!

Let's dive right in and start analyzing!

First, let's dive right in and explore her narrative together!

I'm so excited to help her with her studies!

I have just been accepted to graduate school, and I'm so excited to continue my studies! She is in the same class as me, and she also wanted to apply for graduate school in the same major. She just forgot to confirm such things and didn't sign up, but that's okay! Not only that, she has failed the English test six times, but she's working hard to improve. Her thesis is almost finished, and she's making great progress. She wants to take the civil service exam, and she's already more than 10 points away from the passing line—she's going to get there! She is currently interning in a small company, and she's learning so much. She has no basic Excel skills yet, but she's working on it. She also plans to quit her job, and I'm so proud of her for taking this step!

I had a serious chat with her, and she said she wanted to take the postgraduate entrance exam and also apply for civil servant positions. So I took her to organize her daily plan and explain the questions to her. However, I found that her problems started with a lack of common sense, such as "is Liaoning a province" and "is Guangzhou in the south or the north", as well as some high school math knowledge and words she had just memorized the day before, which she forgot. I was really excited to help her with this!

The most important thing is procrastination. It takes an hour to do one English reading, and 15 questions in a logic multiple-choice test take two hours, so she simply cannot finish the test on time. But here's the good news: she can absolutely finish the test on time!

But I don't think she's incapable. In fact, I once gave her some English writing and translation training, and she got 154 points in this part of the CET 6 exam!

I'm going through a rough patch, but I'm optimistic that she's doing well. She's expressed interest in studying, which is great, but she's also been a bit lax recently.

From the detailed description of the questioner, I get the impression that they are an amazingly caring, patient, confident, and warm-hearted person! The following points can be summarized from the narrative and are definitely worth discussing:

[1] You fell head over heels for your girlfriend in college, and you were supposed to go into the future together. What are the aspects of your girlfriend that you fell in love with? I'm sure you have your own perspective!

It is definitely worth reflecting on and summarizing!

[2] The girlfriend of a college classmate, who was able to enter the university together, must have also been "elite screened" at one time, right? But after entering the university, she failed the English Test Band 6 for six times. Was it because she didn't apply herself or for some other reason?

[3] I had originally decided to take the exam together, but I actually forgot to confirm the registration. Or was it that my girlfriend subconsciously rejected the idea of taking the exam? Or was it that I knew deep down that I wasn't ready, so it just happened?

From a psychological point of view, it's truly fascinating how the unperceived thoughts in our subconscious minds shape our behavior!

Question 4: The questioner is extremely caring and loving, and has gone to great lengths to help his girlfriend. However, he has noticed that she lacks some basic knowledge. Perhaps she has not yet focused on what she wants to do? Because everyone is an independent individual, what is she really thinking/wanting in her heart? This is an exciting opportunity for her to discover her true desires!

It seems that she is still following the questioner passively because of love! Is it due to her own personality?

[5] Generally speaking, if someone says they want to take the postgraduate entrance exam/the civil service exam/do something, but in reality, various circumstances arise one after the other, delaying the action, it's likely there is some "hidden reason" that hasn't been seen, or she herself is not aware of it. And that's okay!

[6] After all, the questioner and his girlfriend are independent individuals from different original families, including personality, thoughts, ideas, ways of dealing with things, and modes of behavior, which are definitely different. But that's what makes them unique! The only way to truly achieve "unity of purpose and unity of action" is for everyone's true thoughts/feelings to be seen, and for them to be combined with their practical abilities and actions to achieve the realm of "unity of knowledge and action."

Given the current situation, I have some great suggestions for how you can deal with it!

[1] Embrace the current situation of the questioner and his girlfriend! Celebrate the differences and uniqueness of each individual, and recognize the "truth" and context behind the differences. Everyone's growth and life development goals and rhythms are different and wonderful!

Absolutely! You can discover each other's uniqueness, accept each other's uniqueness, and achieve "seeking common ground while reserving differences."

[2] After all, everyone's thinking and perception determine their abilities and actions. Try to have an in-depth conversation with your girlfriend about her true inner thoughts, give her enough time to wait, and let her independently decide her own thoughts, actions, and results. You've got this!

For example, his girlfriend has taken the College English Test six times, and he has invited her to reflect on what went wrong. She's got this! She'll learn to act independently and take responsibility for herself in no time.

[3] In fact, the way relationships/love develop is also different. The questioner fell in love with a classmate at first and chose to be their girlfriend. They must have also liked those qualities of their girlfriend that attracted you? So far, has the questioner found that their girlfriend can still be the same as before?

Does the questioner still love the "look" of the former girlfriend? It would be great if the girlfriend could grow up at the same pace as the questioner!

Oh, what a question!

[4] A good relationship is a wonderful thing! It's a combination of the amplifying effect of one plus one being greater than two, where the two people nourish and grow together. A true relationship is also a cooperative relationship that requires mutual management, mutual respect, and a sincere willingness to listen to the inner voice.

[4] A good relationship is an amazing thing! It's a plus-plus effect that is greater than two, where the two people nourish each other and grow together. A real relationship is also a cooperative relationship that requires mutual management, mutual respect, and a sincere listening to the inner voice. It allows both people to grow together in their relationship, including their attitude towards life, direction of efforts, goals in life, etc.! It's so exciting to see how these things can be analyzed one by one and their respective wishes achieved.

[5] According to the topic of the questioner's request for help and discussion, is the goal to "persuade your girlfriend" to work hard for it? Then, is this "goal" your goal or a "goal" that you both pursue together?

Absolutely! It would be so worthwhile to listen to your girlfriend's inner voice and find out what her life goals are. When two people have the same goals, they naturally generate motivation. Otherwise, they will "deviate" from their goals in a helpless way.

In summary, this is my understanding and answer to the question asked by the questioner. I really hope it can bring some positive and helpful inspiration and help to the questioner! I pray that the questioner can achieve a double harvest in love and life!

I am a person of one heart and sunshine, and I love the world and I love you! ??

You're concerned about your partner's academic performance. She seems interested in studying, but she's been quite lazy. You're like a mother hen, pushing her to study and making it your business. I don't think she'll be motivated to study and improve on her own in this environment.

You said you'd talked to her and that she wanted to take the postgraduate entrance exam and the civil service exam, so you helped her put together a plan and gave her lessons. Once again, you were the one teaching her, seeing her various shortcomings, lack of common sense, procrastination, etc.

I'm just wondering where your role as boyfriend has gone. Have you asked her what she really thinks?

Do you think she needs a motherly figure or someone who can teach her things?

You've been accepted to graduate school, while she's interning in a small unit, taking the TEM-6 exam, writing a thesis, doing work, and so on. It's a lot for her right now, and she's in a bad mood. She might also feel a strong sense of loss, thinking that she's not as good as you. In this kind of mood, and with all the accusations from you, she really has no motivation to study.

People are at their best when they're relaxed and happy.

If you want her to study and improve, you might want to try a different approach. For example, you could paint a picture of the future you'll live together, read, live and work together, so that she has a goal and feels she has to work hard for your future together. Give her a lot of love, understanding and support, rather than picking on her, criticizing her or being judgmental.

You can work together towards a bright future.

Best of luck!