Humble and cautious, how should I change my views on friendship and love?

Good day. I am a heart exploration coach, Gu Daoxi Fengshou Slender Donkey.

In light of the aforementioned description, I am particularly distressed. I would like to extend a gesture of comfort to the questioner.

It has been posited that individuals who are content with their lives tend to utilize their formative years to facilitate healing and growth throughout their lifetime. Conversely, those who experience discontentment often devote their entire lives to rectifying the imbalances and wounds incurred during their childhood. The aforementioned assertion resonates profoundly with the predicament of the questioner.

However, there is another assertion that trauma is not the fault of the individual, but rather a responsibility to recover. This illustrates that despite the objective facts, the subjective understanding of these facts still affects us.

As previously stated in the principles of Nonviolent Communication, when confronted with a situation or statement that evokes a negative emotional response, there are four potential courses of action: 1. attributing personal responsibility; 2. ascribing blame to another individual; 3. acknowledging and engaging with one's own feelings and needs; 4. attempting to comprehend the feelings and needs of others. It may be beneficial for the questioner to engage in introspective reflection, inquiring as to how they might enhance their emotional well-being in the face of hurt.

The questioner may wish to consider the following:

1. What is the rationale behind your cautious approach to friendships? Are you concerned about the prospect of being hurt?

The questioner may be experiencing anxiety due to concerns that their partner does not hold positive feelings towards them. Attempting to comprehend the underlying cause of this anxiety may assist in fostering a sense of certainty and reducing the intensity of the anxiety.

2. Why does the questioner believe that if his parents' marriage was characterized by frequent discord, he and his future spouse will inevitably engage in frequent discord as well? It is evident that unhappy marriages exist. However, it may be more beneficial to avoid the unhappy pattern of cohabitation and strive towards a more fulfilling relationship.

3. Does the questioner exhibit a pronounced sense of responsibility or guilt? Consequently, they seek a partner who is already married. If the other person commits a moral misstep, will it mitigate the questioner's feelings of culpability regarding their decision to disengage from the relationship?

4. From the questioner's perspective, does he perceive his parents' arguments to be a conflict between his father, who he views as the victim, and his mother, who he views as the aggressor? Why does he hold the belief that "it wouldn't be a pity if they got divorced because such a woman wouldn't be good"?

One might also consider the possibility that the individual in question may be experiencing a sense of inadequacy.

5. Does the questioner exhibit resistance to marriage and a concomitant fear of assuming the responsibilities inherent to marriage? Is the desire to find a partner, without the concomitant desire to assume the responsibilities of marriage?

An attempt to comprehend the underlying causes of these emotions may facilitate a shift in the questioner's cognitive processes. The questioner may endeavor to modify their state by

One might posit that the formation of friendships and romantic relationships is a process whereby two independent individuals become closely acquainted with one another. It may be argued that the questioner does not necessarily require a cautious or humble demeanor in order to establish stable and fulfilling relationships.

One might suggest that, while childhood may have instilled a sense of powerlessness, adulthood affords the opportunity to assert autonomy in relationships. Initially, this may present a challenge, but with practice, it can become a more natural and straightforward act.

It is important to recognize that no path in life is without value; each step contributes to the overall journey. In the context of a failed relationship, it may be beneficial to reflect on the experience in order to identify any unhealthy patterns that may have emerged and to gain a deeper understanding of what contributes to happiness in subsequent relationships.

It is recommended that individuals attempt to confront their fears directly. This approach may assist in avoiding the anxiety that arises from repeatedly replaying one's emotions. While reviewing events may facilitate success, reviewing emotions may intensify anxiety. One potential strategy is to maintain an emotional diary, which may assist in understanding the underlying anxiety associated with emotions and enhance feelings of control.

*It would be beneficial to alter one's mindset and refrain from self-labelling as unworthy of happiness. It is important to believe in one's ability to manage intimate relationships. As the adage states, "If you say you can, you can; if you say you can't, you can't. If you say you can, you can; if you say you can't, you can't." It may be helpful for the questioner to provide themselves with positive encouragement.

It would be beneficial for the questioner to gain insight into their romantic personality, as this may assist them in becoming more aware of their current state and facilitate targeted changes. The book "How to Hug a Hedgehog" may prove to be a valuable resource in this regard.

One should endeavor to reconcile with oneself, to let go of past hurts, and to recognize that doing so may prove beneficial to the questioner and oneself. It is also important to cultivate self-love. When we are rich inside, it will increase our sense of security and self-confidence.

It is recommended that the following texts be read: "Accepting Imperfection," "Living a Life You Don't Control," "A Single Thought Can Change Everything," and "When You Start Loving Yourself, the Whole World Will Love You Back."

I extend my best wishes to you.

1. Consider ways to enhance your perspective on friendship.

Past experiences of being hurt by friends can leave a deep impression, influencing our approach to friendships. While it's natural to be cautious and humble in the face of past hurts, this mentality can hinder our ability to form healthy, equal friendships. To improve our outlook on friendships, we can:

1. Consider accepting and releasing past hurts.

First, it may be helpful to face up to the hurtful experience and allow yourself to feel the pain and unease. It is important to remember that what has happened is in the past and cannot be changed.

It would be beneficial for you to learn to accept and release these hurts, so that they become part of your growth, rather than a shackle that binds you.

2. Consider developing a sense of self-worth.

Everyone is unique and has their own value and dignity. It would be beneficial to establish a sense of self-worth and believe in your own uniqueness and value.

With this understanding, you will be better able to interact with others with confidence and without feeling inferior or cautious.

3. It would be beneficial to learn to distinguish between true friends.

It is important to remember that true friends are there for you when you need them, and they are there to share your joy and sorrow. It can be helpful to learn to distinguish between true friends and those who are not as invested in the relationship.

It might be said that building a deep friendship with a true friend could help to foster a sense of warmth and strength in one's own friendships.

It would be beneficial to consider actively expanding your social circle.

You might consider broadening your social circle. There are many ways to do this, such as participating in various social activities, interest groups, or volunteer activities, and making friends with people from different backgrounds and personalities.

By broadening your social circle, you may encounter individuals with similar interests and values, which could foster confidence and encourage you to interact with others more readily.

2. Consider a shift in your perspective on love.

Your experience of family discord when you were young may have given you a somewhat negative view of love. However, love is a beautiful thing and is worth pursuing and cherishing. To change your view of love, you may find it helpful to do the following:

It would be beneficial to gain a deeper understanding of the nature of love.

Love is an emotional relationship between two people based on mutual respect, understanding, and support. It is not simply about possession or hookups; rather, it is based on equality, sincerity, and trust.

It would be beneficial to gain a deeper understanding of the nature of love and to establish a more accurate outlook on it.

2. Consider letting go of the past.

The discord you experienced in your childhood family may make you fearful and uneasy about love. However, it is important to remember that you cannot let the shadows of the past affect your future happiness.

Perhaps it would be helpful to learn to let go of the past and face love with a positive attitude.

3. Consider developing a healthy concept of love.

A healthy attitude towards relationships is based on mutual respect, trust, and support. It would be beneficial to learn to respect the other person's wishes and choices, trust their abilities and qualities, and support their dreams and pursuits.

It is also important to remember to maintain your independence and self-worth, and to avoid losing yourself in the process of trying to please your partner.

It would be beneficial to develop a positive emotional attitude.

It is important to recognize that love requires a positive emotional attitude to sustain it. Learning to express your emotions and share your joys and sorrows with your partner can be beneficial in maintaining a healthy emotional relationship.

It would also be beneficial to learn to listen to the other person's emotions and give them enough attention and support. This can help to establish a closer and more stable emotional relationship with the other person.

5. It would be beneficial to expand your social circle and look for the right partner.

It might be helpful to consider opening your social circle to include people from a variety of backgrounds and personalities. This could allow you to meet more suitable partners and gain a deeper understanding of the characteristics and needs of different types of people.

In the process of finding a partner, it would be beneficial to remain rational and calm, to avoid being fooled by appearances or superficial things, and to delve deeper into the inner qualities and values of the other person.

It is also important to remember that friendship and love are both significant aspects of our emotional lives. It is essential to approach these relationships with a positive and healthy attitude, and to strive to enhance our understanding of friendship and love.

If you do so, you will be able to build better and more stable relationships with others and enjoy a happier and more fulfilling life.