I am 12 years old and I discovered today that my mom is cheating. What should I do?

Good day, young lady. I can discern the bewilderment you are experiencing, and I offer you a comforting embrace.

Given your age, it is commendable that you have the courage to inquire about this matter.

You are truly commendable, and I, your elder sibling, offer my sincerest admiration.

In (A Change of Heart), it is posited that there are three fundamental categories of knowledge: our own affairs, the affairs of others, and the affairs of the divine.

The rationale behind the mother's infidelity is not as straightforward as it may appear.

A more common reason is that the father has been absent from the family unit for an extended period of time.

If the child has the habit of speaking with their father on the telephone on a daily basis, they may inquire as to whether there is a possibility of transferring his work back to the city where their mother resides.

Additionally, one might consider following the advice of the other respondents and attempting to convey one's true feelings to one's mother, including any pain or fear one may be experiencing.

Indeed, the reasons why adults engage in infidelity are often intricate and multifaceted.

This may not be fully comprehensible to you at this stage of your development.

What is the optimal course of action in this situation, my child?

It is my belief that your parents are capable of resolving their marital issues independently, and thus, you need not concern yourself unduly with this matter.

It is imperative that you now focus on excelling in your academic pursuits.

The optimal means of demonstrating gratitude to one's parents is to study assiduously and achieve commendable academic outcomes.

It is my sincere hope that the problem you are currently experiencing can be resolved in the near future.

These are the only suggestions that I can offer at this time.

It is my sincere hope that the responses I have provided are both helpful and inspiring to you, my esteemed young colleague. I am the answer, and I study assiduously each and every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our best wishes to you and the entire world.

Hello, little host!

Your question really touched my heart!

I see a young adult who is trying to change the situation in her family through her own efforts, and I think that's really admirable!

I'm sure not every 12-year-old is in the same position.

You can always choose a professional platform like Yixinli to seek help if you need it!

I can see that you are a strong and brave child!

I'm so happy for your mom to have a child like you!

I'd also like to have a little chat with you about your mum.

I think it's only natural that you'd feel a little resentful when you see your mom cheat.

I can see that you might feel a little resentment towards your mother, sweetheart.

You might even start to wonder why mommy can't love you and daddy a little more.

And you might even feel a little resentful towards your dad, too.

You might even feel like asking, "Why can't dad be at home with us?"

Oh, sweetheart, why is he always so far away from us?

Oh, sweetheart, why can't he control mommy?

...

I think you might also be feeling a little scared.

Oh, what would you do, sweetheart?

Oh, sweetheart, what do you think would happen to you?

It's totally normal to feel afraid of losing your family and of losing your parents' attention and love.

So you're looking for some help here, right?

First of all, I want to tell you something.

It can be really tough for both grown-ups and kids to face this stuff with courage.

It's true, adults haven't always handled things the best.

And brought all this anxiety to a child like you!

I want to say to you, my dear friend, that it is unfair to expect you to understand your parents.

But what can we do to make things better?

I remember when I was still at school,

I was really sad about some of my mom's actions.

When I told my classmate what was going on,

My sweet classmate told me something really important:

You know, you don't have the right to demand that others treat you as you wish!

At the time, I just didn't quite get it.

But after thinking about it for a long time, I realized that she was absolutely right.

Then I let go of my expectations of my mother, and it was the best thing I ever did!

I'm happy to say that I stopped feeling so bad!

I just wanted to share this story with you because I think it's a good example of how we can sometimes get in our own way.

I just wanted to share this story with you.

I just want to tell you that, my dear friend.

We can't always get what we want, can we?

Hey there! Let's try to let go of these thoughts, okay?

This can make us feel disappointed with our parents on the inside.

We must remember that we can't completely solve this problem on our own.

But we can definitely try to get along better with the people around us!

Live your best life, sweetheart!

When we feel a little uncomfortable, it can be really helpful to talk to our mums about our thoughts.

When we feel uncomfortable, it's totally okay to tell our mothers what we think.

If you feel safe and comfortable, you can always talk to your mother about anything that's on your mind.

You can tell your mother anything that's on your mind, sweetheart.

You can talk about your fears and worries, sweetie.

Just remember, don't accuse or criticize your mother.

Just speak your mind, my dear.

It's so important to remember that you and your mom can have these chats together.

I truly believe that just like you, your mother also needs someone to love and trust her!

So, you should both care for and trust each other!

I really believe that communicating your inner thoughts to others in this non-complaining, non-accusatory way is the most effective way to connect with people!

And it's the best way to let people know how amazing you are!

If your mom can have a chat like this with you,

And you can really understand your mom!

You can also use this lovely method of communication in your chats with your dad.

So, you can use your own way to get your family members to start a mode of mutual understanding!

And finally, I just want to tell you:

We all make mistakes, big and small, and that's okay!

Some of these mistakes are not made intentionally, sweetheart.

We all make mistakes, and that's totally normal! Making mistakes is actually really meaningful for everyone's growth.

It's so important to remember that what matters is what we learn from our mistakes.

For your sweet mother,

She did this because it was the right thing to do at the time, sweetheart.

Oh, don't you worry, it doesn't mean she doesn't love you!

Don't worry, her love for you will not diminish because of this!

I truly believe you will be able to come out of this difficult period and emerge stronger than ever!

You've got this! Stay strong!

I really hope my answer can help you!

I really hope things work out for you!

March 16, 2022

Hello, host. I have come downstairs to your question, and I hope that through our communication across the screen, I can be of some assistance to you.

You are currently living with your mother, and your father is far away in his hometown. You recently came across some information that has led you to believe that your mother may have been unfaithful. This has made you think about the original incident and wonder if there might be a connection. This has made you feel sad and anxious.

It is understandable that a 12-year-old may find it challenging to cope with such a problem on their own. In addition to your mother, you also have your father, who is far away in his hometown, and your own family. It is natural to feel a sense of panic and insecurity in such circumstances.

Perhaps it's worth considering that there might be a different way of looking at this. If you were to tell your mother about your discovery, your feelings and your worries, how do you think she would react? Would she stop because of your discovery, or would she be able to reassure you that it was actually a false alarm?

You may wish to consider discussing the issue with your partner and exploring whether you want to continue with this marriage.

From our perspective, it's not possible for us to control the direction of events or decide on other people's choices. So, is it possible for you to maintain your role as a student and a child of your parents, do your job well, such as studying and doing housework within your abilities, etc.?

It might be helpful to believe that parents have their own abilities and can handle their own affairs. Regardless of the way they handle things and the outcome, it is likely that they have considered the impact on their children and your interests.

Sometimes the situation we see may not be entirely satisfactory, but there could be a number of underlying causes and effects that we may not be aware of. If you feel comfortable doing so, you could consider communicating with your mother and sharing your expectations for the family and any concerns you may have. You don't necessarily have to bring up the information you've come across about your mother's alleged infidelity, regardless of its veracity.

Perhaps you could express your love and attachment to your mother, as well as your expectations for her. You might also consider mentioning that she has been taking care of you alone, that you can feel her hardship, and that you will also help and care for her more.

It might be helpful to focus your energy on the parent-child relationship, which could involve making an effort to maintain your relationship with your mother. This is something you can get involved in and make a difference. In the parent-child relationship, it could be beneficial to feel your mother's love and expectations for you, and to express your love and care for her. The closer your relationship with your mother becomes, the more positive factors it could bring to the family.

Hello, my dear child. I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

I know this has been a really tough time for you. Maybe you thought your mum was something special, but the truth has made you feel ashamed and sad, right?

Hugging you, I can't help but feel that it's really not easy for you to bear so many "blows" from reality at such a young age without your father by your side. I really hope you can feel our care and support for you, sweetheart. Here are some suggestions:

1. It's so important to accept that this is just how your mother is. We can't change other people, and that's okay!

As the saying goes in "A Change of Heart," there are only three things in the world: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven. We can all get a little overwhelmed sometimes! It's natural to worry about other people's affairs and the affairs of heaven, but it's important to remember that we can't control everything.

It's so important to remember that what other people think and do is their business, and we can't control it. Our mom is an independent individual, and what she thinks and feels is influenced by her genetic makeup, upbringing, education, living environment, etc. So, she is just the way she is, and that's okay! If she doesn't want to change, there's nothing we can do to change her.

Absolutely! There's got to be a reason behind her behavior. Maybe she doesn't want it either, but her specific situation has caused her to be the way she is. We don't have to approve of her, and I know it's hard for you to approve of her behavior. But we can try to understand and accept it, and I think you'll find it's easier than you think.

Absolutely! We can't change her, but we can change ourselves. Let's try to accept her and express our needs and feelings to her.

When you really accept her, you'll see that a lot of her behavior is perfectly normal. She's not the way you idealize her, but she loves you and that's what matters. She has her limitations, but she loves you in a way that is different from what you expect, and that's okay.

2. Let's try to communicate our feelings and needs in a kind and respectful way.

Let's look at the steps of non-violent communication together. The first thing you can do is state the objective facts. This is just a way of sharing the facts without getting into any emotional stuff. Then, you can express your feelings. This is where you can let your feelings out. After that, you can express your needs. This is just a way of sharing what you need from the other person. Finally, you can request the other person to take action. This is where you can ask the other person to do something.

You can say to your mother, "Mom, I read the content on your phone. I feel very bad, a little ashamed, and a little angry. I hope my mother is a person of ........ I would really appreciate it if you could contact him and tell me your feelings, needs, and thoughts. I'm here for you, and I'm ready to listen.

This is a great way to let go of all those pent-up feelings and emotions. It'll help you feel more relaxed. And it'll also help you understand your mom better. You might even find that you can change her.

3. Find the right way to let go of your emotions.

It's totally okay to feel all those emotions that are building up inside you. Don't suppress them, just let them out! We can release emotions in the following ways:

1. It's so important to socialize with the right friends and talk about your worries and confusion. By "right," I mean friends who can give you support and encouragement and who you feel comfortable with.

2. Go for a walk, play some sports, and just relax your body and mind while you're at it!

3. Writing therapy: Write down all your inner feelings and thoughts on paper. It doesn't matter if your handwriting is messy or if your thoughts don't make sense. Just let it all out!

4. Punch pillows and sandbags to release your anger by hitting soft objects.

5. Here's another great technique for releasing emotions: imagine there's an empty chair in a room. Picture the person you want to talk to sitting in that chair. You can express yourself to the chair—it's totally okay to feel angry or abused.

I hope this message finds you well! Warm regards,

I can relate to the original poster's feelings because I've had similar experiences. However, I was able to move on by the time I was in university. I was already 20 years old, and I was more resilient than the original poster. The hurt I experienced then didn't affect my daily life, but it's still difficult to let go.

I know that telling the original poster now that their parents' marriage is a matter for the two of them and that they need to deal with their own problems is something they won't be able to hear and is hard for them to accept. After all, you are only 12 years old, and it is really too difficult for you to have to bear such a "major change" in your family at such a young age.

I have a few ideas, but I'm not sure which one is the best fit for your current situation.

I think it would be best to talk to your mother directly. You mentioned that she had cheated on you once before and something happened. Does that mean she knows you know about her cheating?

This time, she thought she could keep it from you and that it wouldn't hurt you. You might as well tell your mother directly that you've found out she's been cheating on you again and tell her how you feel, that you're really hurt.

If your parents can't get along, they should separate and maintain a normal relationship with you. Then, they should date openly. This will be easier to accept emotionally and will also reduce the harm caused by outsiders' gossip. If you don't want to separate, try to resolve the situation of the couple living apart. It may be difficult, but nothing is more important than giving your child a stable and harmonious family.

Get help from relatives and friends on your mother's side or from your homeroom teacher.

The questioner is not yet an adult, and your parents are responsible for providing a harmonious family environment and ensuring your healthy psychological development. This is their legal obligation; you should not be held responsible for their conflicts and inappropriate behavior. Their current behavior has seriously harmed you, but your current ability is not yet sufficient to solve this problem, and it is necessary to ask for help from family and friends and teachers.

Be confident in expressing your needs to your parents, relatives, friends, and teachers. They'll work with you to find a solution.