I am feeling down for no apparent reason and I want to help myself. How should I do it?

Dear Question Asker,

From the information provided, it can be inferred that the primary source of your distress is your husband.

He exhibits a lack of concern for your well-being and consistently engages in criticism, operating under the assumption that he is indifferent to the very issues he is highlighting. However, his actions suggest otherwise, as he occupies a position of significant influence within the family unit, and his actions impact those with whom he interacts.

This is not to imply that you lack mental energy.

Some individuals possess a critical personality type and derive a sense of security from identifying flaws in others and instilling a sense of inferiority in them.

It is evident that he is also discontented with himself. He externalizes this disquietude onto you, perceiving solely your deficiencies.

Indeed, he also exhibits numerous deficiencies, including a lack of emotional engagement, communication skills, and the capacity to foster a positive ambience.

In our interactions with others, we unintentionally convey how we expect to be treated, which can be perceived as counter-empathy.

The subject in question allows her husband to pick on her without offering any resistance. Furthermore, she continues to maintain an active relationship with him, which has also caused her husband to disrespect her.

It is imperative that you inform your husband when you are unhappy. He must be made aware of your fundamental objections and the limits of your acceptance.

It is possible to offer encouragement when a person performs a task successfully, while also providing constructive criticism when they do not meet the desired standard.

In the event of encountering criticism, it is possible to initially accept it before subsequently offering resistance.

For example, some husbands have been known to state that their wives have become too ugly recently and that they no longer bother to get dressed. Some people have been known to become angry when they hear such statements and to become visibly upset.

One can attempt to accept this criticism. Indeed, there is merit to the assertion that the individual in question has not dressed up recently and has not used their skincare products for a considerable period of time. When might the individual be taken shopping for new clothes? The individual has set their sights on a skincare set, which they would appreciate if purchased. The individual expresses love for their partner. It is possible that the criticism was made in jest, as a means of offering a gift.

It is challenging to influence others. If he lacks the ability to love others, it may be due to his personal experiences. You must attempt to influence him, but whether he accepts this and makes changes is up to him. Best of luck!

Hello, question asker. I see you're confused. Hugs!

Your husband is indifferent to you and always picks on you.

You should understand more about your husband's family.

His parents may not have cared about him.

If he grew up in that environment, he may not know how to care for his wife.

What we don't have, we can't give to others.

His family may have picked on him when he was growing up.

After a long time, he may not know this is not a good way to communicate with his family.

Tell your husband how you feel. For example, say, "I know you're affected by your family, but I can't accept your indifference and criticism."

Ask your husband what he thinks when you say this to him.

Your husband might not change even after you speak.

You need to accept your husband for who he is.

Show your husband how to care about other people.

If you show you care, your husband might change.

If you need help, you can go to a counselor with your husband.

The consultant can help.

I hope you find a solution soon.

That's all I can think of.

I hope my answer helps. I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Yixinli loves you! Best wishes!

!

Hello, dear questioner! It's like meeting someone in person when you read their words.

After reading your description, I can tell you're feeling a bit down in this family. It seems like you're struggling to connect with each other, and it's making it hard for you to understand each other's perspectives. I'm here to listen and help you work through this together.

Let's chat about this together!

At the beginning of your description, you said, "Now I feel unhappy, and I don't know why." When I read this, I had a few questions for you.

1. When did this "now" start, exactly?

2. I can see you're not sure why this is happening, and you're wondering if there's a reason for it. Which side do you think is more likely to be true?

3. When he behaved in the ways described, how did you express your needs to him?

4. If he did receive your expression of needs, how did he respond to you?

I just wanted to mention the above four points because I didn't really see much of a back-and-forth in your communication. It felt like you were the only one releasing emotions from beginning to end, and I didn't see you mention his response to you in a positive way. This is actually not normal in a relationship, so I just wanted to check in and see if there's anything I can do to help.

You said, "I feel that my husband is indifferent to me, always finds fault, speaks coldly, and basically doesn't care about the children. You basically don't argue with him." When I read this, I wanted to ask you a few questions to help me understand your situation better.

1. I'd love to know how you feel when you think about the way he treats you.

2. How does your little one feel about having a dad like this?

3. When you say you don't want to argue with him, it would be really helpful for me to know if you mean you "don't want to argue with him" or if you mean "you don't know how to argue with him."

I just wanted to share a little bit of wisdom with you. It's often not that we don't want someone to care about us, but that we haven't clearly expressed what kind of care we're looking for. It's not anyone's fault, and differences in understanding can definitely impact intimate relationships.

You also said, "Sometimes I joke with him, but it's like beating my head against a brick wall. I think his mistakes don't affect you, but I still hate it when he makes them. When I talk to him about it, he just plays with his phone or says something mean." I can see that you've made some changes when I read this:

1. You've picked up on his pattern, and you're doing great for noticing it!

2. You've taken the first step in facing your feelings when he ignores you.

3. It seems like you've become a little less confrontational, which is great!

With these three changes, you can start to do the "issue separation" thing. It's totally up to him how he's going to respond, and you have the freedom to choose how to respond to the sense of neglect he gives you.

Remember, you're not just a husband or wife. You're also a child, a parent, and an individual with your own unique personality. Don't be afraid to explore all the possibilities that you have to offer!

When it comes to learning, every action is a step in the right direction. If you're feeling confused about intimacy, don't be afraid to share your thoughts on the platform. You'll gain valuable insights from your peers and find common ground along the way. It's a journey of learning and growth, and you're not alone. We're all here to support you.

You are never alone in a lonely struggle, and we're all here for you! And here's another piece of advice: from beginning to end, we only need to be the real us.

Take good care of yourself, and don't forget to manage your relationships well!

You're doing great! From what you've told me about your family situation, I can really relate to how you're feeling. I can also see how you're looking for ways to change and grow through learning about psychology. Here are my thoughts and suggestions:

1. I'm so sorry to hear about your family.

It's so sad to see a couple who don't communicate with each other. Your husband often says that you are wrong, which must be so hurtful for you. You use self-comfort and self-regulation to keep it from affecting your mood, while at the same time disagreeing with what your husband says and not wanting to change yourself. You have transferred more of your feelings to your children, taking care of and managing them in their daily lives and studies.

It's totally understandable that you feel uncomfortable in this family atmosphere. You're trying to ease your relationship with your husband by joking around, but it doesn't seem to be working. I can imagine how disappointed you must feel.

2. I'd love to know what your husband's state of mind is like.

I truly believe that your marriage wasn't like this at the beginning. I'm sure you had happy and wonderful times! But, as with all couples, you and your husband have different experiences and differences in the habits of your respective families of origin. I'm sure your husband doesn't approve of some of your actions and brings them up (perhaps the way he brings them up makes you feel that he is picking on you). When he finds that bringing them up again and again has no effect and he does not see any changes in you, he gradually becomes disappointed.

Since it didn't work, I stopped doing it, but just because I stopped doesn't mean I approve of it. I'm sure you can relate to how his inner dissatisfaction and disappointment turned into apathy.

3. Do you think what you're doing will help you achieve the state you desire?

What you want is a happy, healthy family and a harmonious relationship with your spouse. What you do is: I regulate myself when my husband picks on me, and I increase my ability to regulate myself by learning about psychology.

First of all, the relationship between husband and wife is the most important one in the family. If the relationship isn't harmonious, it'll be hard for the family as a whole to feel good. This can really affect a child's physical and mental development and even their character. So, it's really important to focus on improving your relationship as a couple if you want your child to grow up happy and healthy.

Secondly, learning about psychology might help you to regulate your emotions, but it won't necessarily solve the root problem. The best thing you can do is to find out what's causing the disharmony in your relationship and then change it from the root.

I know it can be tricky, but it's really helpful to think about what you're trying to achieve. For example, if you have a fever, you don't just take an antipyretic, you also try to find the cause of the fever.

4. I know you want to achieve your goals, and I'm here to help! Here are some suggestions that I think you'll find helpful:

The first thing to think about is your husband's demands. Let's think about this together: if your husband is still saying that you are wrong about this and that, it means that he still has some expectations for your change. If one day he stops saying anything, it means that he has actually given up hope completely.

Let's think about it another way. When my husband says something to me, I don't see it as him picking on me. I see it as a request. If I smile and say, "Okay, honey, I'll stop doing that and do it your way, but I've already gotten used to it, so give me some time," what do you think my husband's state of mind will be?

Secondly, it seems that you and your husband don't always communicate in the best way. Joking with your husband and communicating with him while looking at your phone shows that this is not the right way to communicate. Think of it like two computers sending messages to each other. At least you need to make sure that the two computers are connected to the internet. You and your husband have not established the basic connection for communication, so no matter what you joke about or communicate, the other computer simply will not accept it.

It's really important to pay attention to what he cares about, let him know that what he cares about is valued, and then start to build a connection. This is more important than reading as many psychology books as you can! Once you've established a connection, it's just a matter of communication skills.

Third, take some time for yourself to figure out what you truly want in your heart and what matters most to you. You mentioned that you want your children to be healthy and your marriage to be harmonious. Would you be open to seeing your husband's words as misunderstandings rather than mistakes? And would you be willing to say with a smile that you can make improvements, even if it's just in your mentality and attitude?

These are the two ends of the scale. Just ask yourself which one you really want. The latter is actually your self-awareness: why do you always say, "I'm wrong, but I still feel very right?"

I'm not sure if you also show this kind of "defending" behavior in other relationships, besides your marriage.

Finally, I just want to say that your current relationship might be a little bit dangerous. If I were to say, hypothetically, that you don't have children, what would you choose? It takes effort from both sides to change this relationship, but one party needs to show a gesture first.

If two people pull the ends of a rope in opposite directions, the rope will be taut and will break at a certain point. If you don't want the rope to break, at least one of the people has to stop pulling. I know it can be tough, but I'm here to support you!

I'd love to know if you're willing to stop pulling the rope for what you want?

I just wanted to share my thoughts with you, in the hope that they'll be helpful or inspiring for you in some way.

Dear Sir/Madam, I am contacting you with a query. Kind regards,

I can see that you are experiencing some confusion. Are you feeling low at this moment? However, you are unsure of the cause. After some analysis, I believe that part of the problem may lie in the family. Your husband's indifference and avoidance have caused you significant distress. When you feel like giving up, you persuade yourself to try a little harder. You read psychology books, seek help from professionals, etc. All of this demonstrates that you have a strong desire to improve. This is actually a kind of strength that can help you improve.

If we can leverage this power effectively, we will see growth and development. If we fail to do so, it could potentially have a detrimental impact on our well-being.

It is therefore important to consider how we can use this power to our advantage. Currently, we are focusing too heavily on external factors and on trying to please others, which is causing us distress.

If we focus on ourselves, the result will be significantly different.

How can you focus on yourself? By paying attention to your inner feelings and needs. In this family, the husband and wife are supposed to share responsibility. However, you have done the work of two people. Not only has your double effort not been seen and appreciated, but you have suffered cold violence instead.

It is important to understand your own needs and feelings. You may feel the need to be seen, cared for, and looked after, but you may be suppressing this part of yourself, thinking that your needs are not important.

This kind of accumulated depression can have a significant impact on our lives, affecting our emotional well-being and productivity. To address this, it's essential to prioritize self-care and self-love. How can we achieve this?

The initial step is to disassociate from the matter and refrain from attributing blame to others. The husband's detached demeanor is not a direct result of our actions but rather a reflection of his own internal struggles. He may be seeking a sense of purpose by targeting you, which can lead to feelings of guilt.

It is therefore important to remind ourselves that we have done nothing wrong and that the responsibility for his unhappiness lies with him.

The reason why we are concerned with the emotional state of others is also related to our childhood experiences. We may have been treated in a certain way by our parents when we were young, so we are overly attentive to the moods of others. However, the current situation is different from that of our childhood, as we are now capable of living and surviving independently, and therefore no longer feel the need to please others.

The second step is to hold the other person responsible for their actions. Given that we have consistently assumed responsibility for the children due to their age and needs, there is no requirement to "take care" of the husband as an adult. This allows us the flexibility to let him perform tasks such as washing his own clothes.

Initially, there may be feelings of guilt, but it is important to remind oneself that taking responsibility for oneself is the key. If one is willing to do so, it is a realistic possibility, but it is essential to recognise that it is a choice, not a necessity, nor a forced situation.

This will ensure that the other person is aware that they can only enjoy the right to be taken care of if they treat you well and make you happy.

Once the relationship has stabilized, it is important to communicate openly to identify areas of concern and develop a plan for addressing them collaboratively. If the other party remains unresponsive, it may be necessary to consider alternative options.

It is also important to have your own space. If you are currently a stay-at-home mother, you may wish to consider seeking employment if you have the opportunity. The sense of value gained from work can help to boost your confidence in facing the challenges of daily life. If you do not currently have the opportunity to work, it is still important to have your own time. Allocating an hour a day for yourself can be beneficial. This could include spending time with friends, enjoying a meal, shopping or pursuing any other activities that you enjoy. These are all excellent ways to care for yourself.

If you still feel depressed after following these steps and the condition persists for two weeks, you should seek further assistance. You may visit your local mental health hospital for a specialized assessment. If you require medication, you must cooperate fully. The use of medication can help relieve symptoms. If circumstances allow, coupled with psychological counseling, you will gradually improve. After you recover, you can slowly reduce your medication dosage.

It is only by loving ourselves that we can love others. Perhaps what we need to do is learn to love ourselves first. Well done!

Hello, my dear friends! I am Coach Yu from Heart Exploration, and I would love to discuss this topic with you.

As the saying goes, every family has its own unique challenges. A strong and loving relationship is a crucial element in maintaining a happy and stable marriage.

In "The Plastic Me," Chen Jiejun writes: Many people are unable to deal with things or emotions because they confuse feelings, emotions, and thoughts.

Have you ever wondered what feelings are? Well, they are the physical and emotional responses of our bodies to what is going on around us.

Let's say, for instance, that someone stabs you with a needle. You feel pain, which is a feeling. Or imagine that it's winter and the north wind is blowing. You feel cold, which is also a feeling. Feelings include reactions to things in your environment, as well as to things going on inside you.

As the questioner wrote, my husband is currently giving me a bit of a challenge.

Have you ever wondered what emotion really is? It's simply our reaction to feelings.

For example, if it's a really hot day, you might find your palms are sweating and your heart is beating faster. Emotions are usually expressed through the peripheral nervous system of the nervous system.

As the questioner wrote, I now feel unhappy and I'd love to understand why.

Our thoughts are what help us understand and make sense of our feelings and emotions.

Ideas usually don't come from the peripheral nervous system. They come from the central nervous system, which is where understanding and interpretation happen.

As the original poster wrote, I have thought about getting a divorce before, but I still want to try harder and save myself. I don't know if I'm sick in the head, but I really want to change. I'm not sure what to do, but I know I need to make a change.

Next, we take another look at the situation to see if we can understand our feelings, emotions, and thoughts, and then manage and express our emotions, which will help us understand ourselves and see ourselves more clearly.

Oh, goodness! What do we feel and think when my husband says something wrong? I just hate it when he says those things!

It's also helpful to ask ourselves what our inner needs are that make us resent our husbands for making mistakes. We can also ask ourselves if there are any objective shortcomings in our own behavior in response to what our husbands say.

When my husband and I chat about his indifference, what are our feelings and thoughts? He just says some not-so-nice things, which is so disappointing.

Life is always changing, just like kids growing up day by day. We can ask ourselves, what have we done?

I'd love to know what my husband has done to lead to this current communication pattern.

We can also ask ourselves: what would a perfect marriage look like? What would a perfect husband be like?

So, what are my boundaries? And what can I do to make things better?

So, feelings, emotions, and thoughts are actually all connected to how our nervous system and brain work together. When everything is working smoothly, we feel at peace.

We can have a heart-to-heart conversation with our husband because we're in the same situation, so we can be open and honest with each other. We can learn to love each other and build a beautiful, lasting relationship. This time, let's be good listeners. Let's listen to what our husband has to say about his current relationship, his thoughts on our children's education, and what he wants for himself.

We don't need to make any judgments, but we'd really appreciate some help understanding our husbands and ourselves so that we can work on improving our relationships with our nuclear families in a targeted manner.

In our daily lives, we can try some non-verbal body language or text messages and notes to show our love for the other person. Why not go out for a walk with your husband this weekend? A change of environment might help you both to open up and interact with each other.

We can also seek help because, if this thing is bothering you, it can be tough to overcome it immediately. Try to find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor because it's so important to have an outlet to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

We must also empower ourselves because any change starts with ourselves. We must maintain a normal state of mind because we believe that we always have the right to choose. Of course, divorce is also an option, and a voluntary choice is the end of a good relationship.

I highly recommend the movie "I Love You," starring Tony Leung and Cecilia Yip. Sending you all the best!

First of all, your feelings are completely reasonable. It's so important to recognize that long-term indifference and criticism will indeed have a negative impact on people's emotions and psychological state. And disharmony in family relationships, especially with a partner, is often one of the most important causes of a sense of unhappiness.

You're on the right track! Learning psychology is a great way to gain insight into your emotions and behaviors, and it can also equip you with strategies for navigating tricky situations. Here are some awesome learning ideas to get you started:

The theory and practice of psychological counseling and therapy is a fantastic way to improve your life! This includes cognitive behavioral therapy, problem-solving therapy, emotional-focus therapy, and more. These therapies can help you identify and deal with negative emotions, as well as improve communication with your partner.

Human relations psychology is a fantastic field of study that can help you understand the patterns of interaction, communication skills, and conflict resolution strategies in human relationships. It can also help you get along better with your partner!

Marriage and family psychology is an amazing field of psychology that focuses on the study of marriage and family relationships. It can provide specific advice on how to improve your marriage, so it's definitely worth checking out!

And there's more! You can also try these other great methods to improve your mood and relationship with your partner:

Seek professional help! Talk to a counselor or psychotherapist, who can provide personalized advice and support.

Set those boundaries! Be clear about what you can and cannot accept. And learn to express your feelings when your partner's words or actions go beyond your boundaries.

It's time to establish communication channels! Open, honest, and respectful communication with your partner is the key to sharing your feelings and expectations.

Take care of yourself! You've got this! Make sure you're eating right, getting enough sleep, and getting your body moving. And don't forget to do the things you love to de-stress and boost your mood.

Seek support! Share your feelings with friends, family, or support groups, who can provide emotional support and advice.

Finally, whether your marriage should continue is a very personal decision. Before making a decision, make sure you have fully considered your feelings, expectations, and needs. Then, get ready to make the best decision of your life!

If you feel that the current situation is intolerable and you have tried to improve it without success, then divorce may be an option. However, if you still want to save the marriage and are willing to make an effort, then continue to seek help and try to improve the relationship. There is still hope!

Hello. I can really relate to how you're feeling right now. I can see that you're going through a rough patch and feeling a bit confused.

The situation you're in shows that you're in a pretty complex and difficult family environment, which is undoubtedly a huge challenge for you. But please believe that no matter what kind of predicament you're facing, you're not alone.

I'm here for you whenever you need support or advice.

First and foremost, I can tell you're looking to build a happy marriage and a harmonious family. A family is everyone's emotional safe haven, a place where we seek comfort and support.

However, this safe haven can become stormy when there is indifference, fault-finding, and a lack of communication in the family. I understand this feeling. It is really hard to accept that the people you are closest to are often the most unfamiliar.

You said that even though you try to talk to your husband, he often avoids or responds indifferently. This ineffective communication style might make you feel desperate and helpless, but please don't give up.

Communication is the key to solving problems. You might want to try changing the way you communicate or find the right moment to get your husband to listen and understand your thoughts.

You also said that when you're dealing with your husband's indifference and fault-finding, you turn to reading to calm down. That's a great way to heal.

Books are great for more than just learning new things. They can also help us escape from reality and find inner peace. And your interest in psychology shows that you're open to self-growth and change.

I'd like to give you some more specific advice for your situation:

Sometimes, when we're facing family and emotional problems, it can help to get some professional psychological counseling. A counselor can provide a neutral point of view and practical advice to help you find a solution to the problem.

It's also a good idea to develop your own interests. Reading is a great way to relax, but there are other activities you can try as well. These will not only help you to distract yourself, but also help you find more joy in life.

It's also a good idea to build a social support network. Stay in touch with friends and family and share your feelings and experiences. They can be a great source of support and encouragement when you need it.

You might also want to think about joining a social group or organization to meet more like-minded people.

It's important to set personal boundaries when faced with indifference and fault-finding from your husband. Protect your heart and emotions, and don't absorb his negative emotions too much.

When you feel hurt, share your thoughts and feelings as soon as you can.

It's important to focus on self-growth. Continuous learning and growth is a goal that everyone should pursue. You can do this by reading psychology books, attending training courses, or expanding your skills. This will help you improve yourself and strengthen your inner strength.

Finally, I just want to say that change takes time and patience. Please give yourself some space to adapt and adjust.

Also, believe in your own abilities and value, and don't let other people's comments stop you from being your best self. You are a unique and precious individual, worthy of love and respect.

You might hit some snags along the way, but remember you're not alone. Lots of people have been through similar things and are looking for ways to fix things too.

It can be helpful to share your experiences and feelings with others and support and encourage each other along the way.

I really hope you can find a way to deal with family and emotional issues that works for you and lead a fuller and happier life! At the same time, please always pay attention to your emotions and needs and take care of yourself.

If you need any more help or support, just let me know.

Hello! I just wanted to say that I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. It must be really hurtful to feel ignored and disregarded as an individual. I'm here for you if you need anything.

Your unhappiness and low mood are telling you that you need to take care of yourself and feel some warmth, which is a kind of self-care.

On the other hand, it's also a sign that you're still trying to keep going.

Stay strong!

You said you could find some peace of mind by learning about psychology and that you were hoping to change your situation in some way.

I want to give you a big thumbs-up for your courage. It was really great of you to face your own vulnerability.

I once had a period of reading history. We all have our own challenges and difficulties.

*"Be alone with yourself, accept your own unacceptability, and believe that everything will be fine!"

As the poem goes, "A thousand sails pass by the side of a sunken ship; in front of a sick tree, spring comes back in all its glory." "The monkeys' cries from both banks persist, but the boat has already passed the ten thousand mountains."

I'd like to ask you a question.

You said you want a harmonious marriage and healthy kids. Is your husband able to keep things harmonious?

"You don't call the shots in your life, your husband does?"

In other words, you need to take the initiative.

I hope you can find happiness again.

I heard someone say that when someone smiles, it rubs off on the people around them, and they start to smile too. It's human nature. Why not go to a place full of smiles and gradually start smiling too?

I hope this answer brings you happiness. I wish you all the best in the world, and I love you!

Hello.

You are feeling down, and you have every right to be. Your husband is indifferent to you and always picks on you.

Your husband is always cold at home. He doesn't take care of the children and he always blames you for everything. It's clear you are very disappointed in your husband. You have given a lot to your family but have not received any rewards. You feel unbalanced, resentful, and aggrieved.

I hug you from afar, and I know you can feel the warmth.

You want your child to be healthy and you want a harmonious relationship with your husband. You try to create a good atmosphere in the family, and you don't hold grudges against your husband, but your relationship with him doesn't improve.

If you want to save yourself, then hug yourself too. Start by learning to care for yourself.

Pay attention to your own needs. Know what you want deep down inside. Have the courage to be yourself. Try to satisfy your own needs. Realize your expectations.

Use reading to calm your mind when you're feeling down. Learning psychology is a path that can lead to change.

It's slow, but it will definitely change. Start by reading psychology books. Wu Zhihong's book, "You Are the Answer," will make you more confident.

Sharon Breen's "Intimacy" is an invaluable resource for understanding the differences between men and women in intimate relationships from a psychological perspective. It provides invaluable guidance on how to navigate the complexities of intimate relationships with greater confidence and clarity.

You expect harmony and closeness with your husband. You try to communicate with him and make jokes with him, but this is not improving your relationship.

But you haven't given up. You still want to try again, and you're going to save yourself by studying psychology.

Keep trying. Some methods won't work, but you'll find another way. You have a great ability to handle relationships.

Treat others as you would like to be treated. It's a simple rule, but it's not something you can achieve overnight. Persistence is key.

For example, if you want your husband to care about you, you must first learn to care about your husband. Respect and understand him, observe his real needs carefully and thoughtfully, and truly care about and empathize with your husband according to his needs.

Your family system will warm up. A change in one person can lead to changes in the entire family system, so the relationship between husband and wife will improve and the family atmosphere will warm up.

Your unhappiness is caused by the gap between reality and your expectations. Every family has its own characteristics.

The happiest families and the most harmonious couples will always have conflicts and stand-offs. An exemplary elderly couple once said that although they had been married for more than 50 years, they still had many times when they wanted to strangle each other.

The most perfect marriage is not always harmonious, and there are imperfections.

So allow our family to be cold sometimes. Allow dissatisfaction with your husband. Allow yourself to be dissatisfied. As long as it doesn't hinder the function of the family, you can lower some standards and requirements. Make your life more fulfilling. Make yourself happier.

The world and I love you. You must love yourself.

Hello, I am the Heart Exploration Coach, Gu Daoxi Fengshou Slender Donkey.

After reading the questioner's description, I am convinced that this is a case that can be solved by following the advice given in a popular meme that has been liked by 93,000 people:

After seeing a doctor so many times and taking so many medicines, the most effective solution for your health is to quit your job.

You must leave an environment that makes you feel uncomfortable and that doesn't suit you.

This problem applies to work and other relationships. We should not choose to leave whenever we encounter problems. That is an evasive mentality that will not help us solve problems better. Intimate relationships are not problems that can be solved by one person's efforts.

The questioner needs to identify what factors led her to marry her husband in the first place. She must determine whether those attractive qualities are still present.

The questioner needs to identify when the relationship started to go bad. Reviewing the process will help the questioner find the problem.

The questioner still has expectations of her husband. It's only natural to feel disappointed and saddened by what the other person does when we have expectations. I understand the questioner's feelings very much, so please allow me to give the questioner a hug.

We need to determine whether the husband's low emotional intelligence is the reason or if he simply lacks the ability to say or do anything nice to his wife. It's also important to understand whether he behaves similarly with other people.

He must be under a lot of pressure at work. Understanding the other person will help the questioner understand why he reacted this way.

When the other person blames the questioner, it's important to understand why. By analyzing the factors behind the other person's accusations, the questioner can gain a better understanding of the differences between the two parties.

The Five Languages of Love makes it clear that there are five ways to express love: words of affirmation, thoughtful gestures, acts of service, receiving gifts, and physical touch. If the questioner doesn't like the way her husband treats her, then she needs to take responsibility and address her own approach to him.

Make sure you're expressing your affection and compliments in a way that matches his preferences. Understanding how your partner shows love can help you ease the relationship.

In terms of improving happiness, external forces can only be supplementary. If the questioner is unable to adjust their mindset and take the initiative to move forward, they will not be able to feel happy no matter how many books they read. Which of the following two methods will help the questioner release their emotions and be positive?

1. The questioner should keep an emotional diary to help release emotions and identify triggers, avoiding excessive emotional rumination that depletes you.

2. Keep a gratitude journal. It will help you notice the beauty in your life and cherish what you have. It will make you happier.

If all else fails, take steps to strengthen your foundation for divorce. This could include financial independence and having someone to take care of the children. This will help you make an informed decision.

Read these books: The Five Languages of Love, How to Argue Properly, and Maybe You Should Talk to Someone.

Best wishes!

My name is Xiang Yuchenghuan, and I am a Heart Exploration coach. I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you.

Many women share the common aspiration of wanting their children to be healthy and for their relationships with their husbands to be harmonious and amicable. Achieving this goal is entirely possible, but it is crucial to remember that we need to change ourselves, not the other person. The family is a system, and when we change ourselves, the whole family will also be positively affected as a result. Based on my many years of practice and experience, I am confident that the following sharing will be helpful to you:

Accept yourself and the other person, understand yourself and the other person, and adjust your expectations. This will make you feel more relaxed.

You want to be heard and respected in the relationship, but your partner is always criticizing you. At home, he speaks to you in a cold manner, saying that you are not good at this and not good at that. He basically ignores the children, which makes you feel that he is indifferent to you. If you were in his shoes, you would also feel neglected. It is normal for you to feel disappointed and uncomfortable. You have every right to understand and accept your feelings and have such a reaction. Your needs have not been met, and you have every right to demand that they be met.

He behaves this way because of a pattern that developed over 20 to 30 years. It's influenced by his family environment, educational background, social circle, etc. His fault-finding is a way of protecting himself. When he constantly picks on your faults, he avoids blaming himself. Perhaps his parents did the same to him when he was a child. If he doesn't want to change, we can't change him. We have to accept him for who he is. When he repeats his pattern and finds fault with you, you'll become more peaceful. You'll know this is his pattern, not the kind of person you expect. When you accept him, you won't be troubled by his behavior that doesn't match your expectations. When you understand why he is the way he is, you'll be able to allow him to exist in his own way. This is the foundation of family harmony.

It doesn't matter whether you accept him or not. He's not going to change because of your acceptance or non-acceptance. But if you do accept him, you'll feel much more relaxed. When a person feels your acceptance, understanding, and respect, they'll be willing to listen to you. You can then establish a deeper relationship with them and truly influence them.

2. Learn to communicate effectively in a relationship and express yourself. Take care of your own needs as well as the needs of the other person. Divide the work reasonably and create a happy family atmosphere.

True communication is about more than just superficial things. It's about expressing your deeper feelings and needs and inviting the other person to do the same. A stable and happy relationship is one in which both people's needs are met by each other. This is the foundation of happiness.

Make sure your needs are respected, seen, and recognized. Talk with him about his needs. Find a suitable time for the two of you to communicate and express yourselves attentively and calmly, expressing your true feelings, needs, and hopes for each other. Don't choose a time when one of you is playing with your phone or is distracted. Choose a time when the two of you can really engage in communication, such as when you are eating together, going shopping together, or going out for a walk together.

When you recognize and meet each other's needs in the relationship, many conflicts will be resolved or eased, and you will have a deeper understanding of each other. When parents have a better relationship, it has the best influence and education for children.

3. You must persist in self-growth, learn to care for yourself, and grow strength from within. This is the only way you will become a person with emotional stability and the ability to be happy.

Our emotions are driven by unmet needs. When you are criticized by others, identify what need of yours has not been met. Is it to be recognized?

Do you want to be seen? Do you want to be respected?

This is the source of our emotions. It is the part of us that is lacking, and it is the part that we need to grow.

You have to learn to care for yourself if you want to grow. You have to satisfy your own needs and draw strength from within. And you have to do this in addition to directly expressing your needs to the other person.

If you need the other person's approval, it shows you lack self-approval. You care about the other person's approval because you don't approve of yourself enough. Improve your self-approval. When he picks on your mistakes, know that's just his opinion. It doesn't mean it's true or you are not good enough. You can approve of yourself. Tell yourself, "That's just his opinion. I'm very satisfied with myself."

Read books that improve your self-acceptance or take related courses on learning platforms. When you are internally fulfilled and have a stable core, you will not be easily angered by a few comments from the other person.

Read "Managing Intimate Relationships," "The Miracle of Self-Affirmation," "Nonviolent Communication," "It Turns Out That Understanding Is More Important Than Love," and "The Power of Self-Care."

You may find the above useful for reference. Best wishes!