I feel like he is a burden to me, but what if he feels sorry for himself if I leave him?

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I am contacting you today regarding your recent invitation. I would like to express my gratitude for the opportunity to speak with you further about this matter. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Best regards,

Thank you for the invitation.

Despite your husband's return from an extramarital affair and the outward appearance of normalcy, you experience a subtle sense of resentment. You recognize that the primary factor holding you and your husband together is a sense of obligation, and you even perceive your husband as a burden. You hope that he will engage in another affair so that you can justify your decision to leave him.

From my perspective, I can discern your kindness and sense of responsibility. I am reluctant to abandon my husband and leave him to cope alone. Consequently, when thoughts such as "I can't wait for him to have another affair, so that I can leave with a valid reason" arise, you feel somewhat surprised and concerned.

I empathize with your situation and recognize that this mindset is common when confronted with challenging decisions.

Scott Peck's bestselling book, The Road Less Traveled, states, "People are naturally inclined to avoid responsibility. The difficulty with taking responsibility for one's actions is that it causes pain, and we want to avoid that pain."

If you, as a kind individual, take the initiative to leave your husband and allow him to live alone, you may feel that you have not fulfilled your promise and abandoned him. This could result in feelings of guilt and pain. One way to eliminate these feelings would be for your husband to engage in a new romantic relationship, which would provide you with a valid reason to leave him.

However, if we consider this from another angle, it becomes clear that a marriage cannot be sustained on the basis of a single promise. In the theory of the three elements of love put forth by Stenberg, a perfect love is one that encompasses the three aspects of intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Love with only commitment (responsibility) is often referred to as "empty love," which can make it challenging to maintain a long-term relationship.

From your account, it appears that your desire to terminate the marriage is intensifying. Initially, you only saw your husband. Then, you realized that you were deceiving yourself. Next, you felt that he was a burden. Finally, you hoped that he would have a new affair so that you could leave with a good reason. You may already have the answer in your heart, but you are unable to bear the moral pressure and guilt that comes with making this decision.

Freud believed that repressed emotions do not disappear and often manifest themselves through different channels. You are already under a great deal of pressure, and I believe the most effective way to deal with this is to set aside time to have a productive conversation with your husband. Be open and honest about your thoughts and listen to his opinions. This may help you gain clarity and see a new perspective.

I wish you the best in your future endeavors.