I feel like I'm materialistic and looking out for my own interests. I want to know what's behind these thoughts.

Dear Questioner, I would like to begin by emphasizing that every feeling and thought you have is genuine and distinctive.

The growth process of each individual is unique. Your personal journey is driven by a desire for excellence and love, as well as a healthy dose of apprehension about the unknown and a quest for self-discovery.

From your description, I can see that you have a natural drive for excellence, whether in academic performance, family background, or personal insights and abilities. This is not a negative trait. We are all striving for self-improvement and a better quality of life.

I also comprehend your perplexity and unease. You express concern that you may be excessively materialistic and that you may have overlooked the purity of your emotions.

It is important to note that everyone has different priorities. Some individuals may place a higher value on material possessions, while others may prioritize spiritual pursuits. This is not a matter of right or wrong, but rather a reflection of personal preferences and values.

The key is to determine whether it is possible to pursue material gains while maintaining spiritual pursuits and satisfaction, and whether family background is valued while character and sincerity are also considered.

You indicated that your family background was less than optimal and that the discord in your family of origin also presented a challenge. These are indeed important factors that influence our growth and values.

However, I would like to clarify that these are not your shortcomings, and you are not obliged to carry them with you. You have the option to accept them, understand them, and draw strength and courage from them.

Regarding your perception of yourself as materialistic and profit-oriented, I would like to clarify that this is not a cause for concern. It is a natural human tendency to pursue better material conditions in order to improve one's quality of life.

However, it is also important to learn to balance our desires and pursuits, and not let them become the sole focus of our lives. We can try to pay attention to our inner feelings, experience the beauty and warmth in life, and cultivate our emotional well-being.

I would now like to provide you with some more detailed and practical advice. Initially, you may wish to consider recording your emotions and thoughts. This could be achieved by spending a few minutes each day writing down your mood and feelings.

This will assist in gaining a deeper understanding of your inner world and clarify your values and objectives.

Secondly, you may wish to consider broadening your social circle and forming connections with individuals from diverse backgrounds and personalities. Engaging in communication and interaction with these individuals can provide insights into a wider range of lifestyles and values, fostering greater openness and tolerance.

I would also recommend that you participate in more interest groups or club activities, as this will allow you to connect with individuals who share your interests and to derive greater satisfaction from your activities.

In conclusion, I advise you to avoid excessive self-criticism and to prioritize your own well-being over external opinions. We all possess unique strengths and weaknesses, and it is crucial to learn to embrace and value yourself.

This is the only way to truly live our lives to the fullest.

Dear Questioner, I am confident that you possess the strength and resilience to overcome the challenges and difficulties you may face in life. Your future holds limitless potential and opportunities for success. By pursuing your dreams and aspirations with courage and determination, you will undoubtedly find a path that aligns with your true purpose.

I am confident that you can succeed.

Hello! I'll do my best to help you figure it out, and I really hope it'll be useful for you.

1. First of all, I think the opposite sex you describe liking is what most girls would like. Who would like a man who is poor and has no advantages? Just as people don't fall in love with you because of your flaws, they only tolerate your flaws because they love you.

2. You said you don't really like or accept your material possessions or the emphasis on material gain. I think you are essentially a very emotional girl, so I think your ideal love and lover should be unconventional, pure, and sincere.

It's totally normal to feel like you shouldn't want relationships and yet also want material things. Your heart is just trying to figure things out! But thoughts are just thoughts, so let them go.

We all have so many thoughts racing through our minds every day. Sometimes, ideas that don't align with our moral code can pop up, and it's only natural to start questioning ourselves. It can feel a bit overwhelming at times, right?

3. You talk about the inferiority complex and distress brought to you by your original family. Perhaps we can understand it as a sense of deprivation and lack of support from an early age, which makes you feel that you are not that important, and that other people are not that trustworthy. It's totally understandable! We all want to feel safe and loved, and it's natural to want to hold on to all the self-serving factors in your environment and build a safe fortress for yourself.

We all long for connection and intimacy. When we meet people who like us or seem to have it all together, we want to get close to them. But at the same time, we also want to escape. What if they're not as great as they seem? What if they see that I'm not as great as they seem? So, we try to be both humble and arrogant, which can naturally lead to a lot of internal conflict and unhappiness.

4. We all get stuck in the past sometimes. It's totally normal! But when we're feeling sad, nervous or unstable, it's important to remember that we can't live in the past. We've got to try our best to be the best we can be, and then we'll be happy and satisfied!

Now that we've grown up, we have good grades, good jobs, can support ourselves, and have the opposite sex pursuing us. We've done our best to be the best we can be, and we can now make decisions for our own lives. We did it!

You should be proud of all you've achieved! You're a strong person, and you deserve to enjoy life. The future is bright, so let's cheer together!

Hello, question asker!

From your description, I can see that you're confused and feel helpless. But you're also good at recognizing and facing this uncomfortable emotion. That's a strength.

From what you've said, I can see you're going through a rough time. I know you're trying to find love, and you've already done a great job of getting into university and landing a good job. It's just that your original family may have given you some tough experiences, which have made you lack confidence and feel a little empty. But this is not your fault. Now that you've grown up, you can take care of yourself and love yourself.

Regarding the material things you mentioned, it's possible that the lack of material things in your family of origin has led to this way of thinking. This is very normal and something many people experience. Additionally, it's common for girls in today's society to prioritize material things. This is a normal phenomenon. Important things are said three times.

All problems are opportunities in disguise. We are experts at solving our own problems. Based on your description, I can offer some suggestions that I hope will help you.

First of all, you are already great, even if you think you haven't done anything in the past. You need to learn to love yourself and make yourself stronger. You can seek professional psychological counseling or learn some knowledge of psychology and driving skills yourself. Then, you will be able to face anything uncomfortable inside you with courage.

Second, everyone has their own insecurities and confusion, which is normal. We have to accept and allow these uncomfortable emotions to arise, not create internal conflict, not allow ourselves to fall into negative emotions, not put too much pressure and anxiety on ourselves, but rather be able to reconcile with the inner child. This way, we have the opportunity and ability to break through this uncomfortable feeling.

When we feel bad, it's important to learn to release our emotions. For example, you can talk to someone, listen to music, buy yourself something nice, go on a trip, or relieve the uncomfortable feelings inside and vent your emotions through exercise.

At this point, you need to learn to love and protect yourself. As for your parents, just do your part and fulfill your obligations. They didn't give you enough love, and they probably don't care about you, so you have to keep finding ways to love yourself and adjust your mindset. Believe that if you don't give up, you'll be able to find your own true love and a relaxed, carefree lifestyle.

I'd like to suggest a few books that I think you'll find helpful.

I've got a few titles I'd like to run by you. They're all by the same author, by the way. "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychologist," "Rebuilding Your Life," "Love Yourself Every Day," "The Brain's Happy Code," and "Mirror Exercises."

Hello. You've made some great insights and identified some of your more persistent emotional, thinking, and action patterns. For example, you've noticed that you tend to be attracted to people who are well-off, have strong personal abilities, and are good to you. At work, you prefer people from a good background who can guide you. You're very cautious about building relationships and repeatedly confirm the attitude of the other person. You also tend to avoid talking about your own family of origin.

Our thinking habits and interpersonal patterns are often shaped by our early childhood experiences. Growing up in an environment with few material goods, lacking care and guidance, having to figure things out for yourself, and fighting hard to gain space to develop yourself, all of this over time forms insecure physical and mental memories.

The focus on material benefits and personal talents is because when you were young, you saw what life was like for a family when the nurturer lacked these things. You're tired of feeling lonely and under pressure, like you have "no one to rely on," and you want more resources and a safer, more supportive environment. Plus, we all have a tendency to make up for past shortcomings.

Now that you've just graduated, your family is asking you for money, which might also bring up this traumatic experience, as if you're still in a helpless state.

Growing up was tough, but it showed you had the courage and skills to make it through. You didn't back down from the challenges, but kept pushing for more space and nourishment. You said that after university, you could find a good job anywhere and live independently. That's a great achievement.

This also shows that your family of origin will have an impact on you, but it's not the only influence.

It can be tough to break free from the influence of the original family, but it is possible. First, you can mentally separate yourself from the original family (remember that you are a unique individual, not defined by your parents). You can also separate old experiences from the future. Focus on establishing new experiences and order to slowly move on from the past.

Then, be your own best friend. Try to empathize with the efforts you've made in growing up, soothe the pain of the past, and accept that you'll have worries, negative emotions, and thoughts. You can record your inner feelings without judgment and release the accumulated pressure.

Try to picture how you'd treat yourself if you were your own ideal parent, and what you'd say to that little helpless child from the past. To break free from the limitations imposed by your old life experiences, you need to keep building new experiences of your own.

Start by taking care of yourself. The more you can love yourself, the more confident you'll be in your relationships with others. After all, our relationships with others are based on our relationships with ourselves.

The situation you mentioned touches on a number of different aspects, including personal values, family background, upbringing, and self-worth. With this in mind, I'd like to offer some analysis and advice on the issues you raised.

Could I ask you to share your views on relationships and your standards for choosing a partner?

It's important to remember that your views on relationships and standards for choosing a partner are not set in stone. They will likely evolve as you grow up and your circumstances change. This is normal, as people have different needs and concerns at different stages of their lives.

However, you are also aware that you may have paid a little too much attention to family background and material conditions, which may have led you to perceive yourself as somewhat materialistic.

It might be helpful to consider whether your expectations of a partner truly reflect your inner needs or have been influenced by external factors.

It would be beneficial for you to learn to maintain a balance in your relationships. This would entail taking into account not only the material conditions of the other person, but also their qualities, character, and compatibility with you.

It would be beneficial to consider the relationship between confidence and inferiority.

You mentioned that you feel inferior because of your family's less than ideal background and feel that you are not worthy of someone from a more privileged background. This inferiority complex may stem from a lack of awareness of your own value.

Perhaps it would be helpful to understand that a person's value does not depend on their family background or material conditions, but on their qualities, abilities, and hard work.

You might consider ways to enhance your abilities and skills, which could help you to achieve in various fields. This could also help you to face people and things with more confidence.

At the same time, it is also important to learn to accept our imperfections and shortcomings, and to be kind to ourselves.

With regard to the impact of the original family:

You mentioned the challenges in your family of origin and the fact that your parents were unable to provide guidance, which did have an impact on your growth and state of mind. However, you have the opportunity to make up for these deficiencies through self-growth and learning.

You might find it helpful to read more books on psychology and interpersonal relationships to improve your cognitive level and coping skills. You could also consider seeking external support and help, such as confiding in trusted friends or a counselor for advice.

Regarding the question of happiness:

You mentioned that you can't always feel happy, which may be because you're carrying too much pressure and negative emotions. You might like to consider trying to find things that make you feel happy and content, such as sports, travel, listening to music, watching movies, etc.

It would be beneficial for you to learn to adjust your state of mind and emotions, and to try not to let negative emotions dominate.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to remember that everyone has their own growth trajectory and life experience. It's important not to be too demanding on yourself or envious of others. Instead, try to learn to cherish your own strengths and achievements, while also being brave in the face of your own shortcomings and challenges.

I believe that if you work hard and face life with a positive attitude, you will be able to find happiness and joy in your own way.

Hello, dear.

It is natural and there is nothing wrong with your inner desire for the things you didn't get as a child, such as less financial hardship, a harmonious family, and parents who can give you support and comfort. You have nothing to feel ashamed of.

Instead, when you notice these desires emerging within you, acknowledge them with kindness and understanding. Recognize the vulnerable, growing self within, feeling the pain of having to navigate adulthood alone. You may realize that beneath your longing and envy for material things and those who are better off is the little child within.

You don't need to crave for others to give you things. You can create for yourself and satisfy your own desires, taking care of your own inner needs.

You have fought your way out of a difficult family and educational environment, and by yourself you have not only grown up, but also earned a good start to your independent life. You deserve a million likes and to be proud of yourself.

Your unhappiness stems from your self-definition. You equate yourself with your family and parents.

You have allowed yourself to be defined by the labels "poor family" and "quarrelsome parents."

You agree with these labels. You feel inferior about your family and your experiences. You don't deserve a good life and good people.

The truth is that our existence in every moment has nothing to do with our past. You can choose to let go of that history and embrace every moment of your life anew.

Don't let the past define you. Live in the present and create your own life. You have the power to choose.

You will feel a great sense of freedom. Everyone can have the same sense of freedom in the present moment, no matter how different the conditions are.

We have the right to decide how we want to live our lives in the present, in our current situation. Everyone has this right.

Letting go of the past is breaking away from a kind of habitual thinking or psychological habit. These habits bring us a sense of security and familiarity, and we must let go of them.

Don't welcome or reject these thought patterns. Don't believe in them, don't try to suppress or correct them, and don't allow them.

When we see ourselves caught in a thought pattern, doing nothing and not trying to change, we simply recognize that it's that old friend again. We feel a feeling of lighthearted humor.

We can also feel compassion and tolerance. This is the suffering inferior child again.

This sense of light-hearted humor and compassionate tolerance is the key to breaking free from old ways of thinking. With acceptance and understanding, without rejection or correction, these old ways of thinking will dissipate on their own, leaving behind an innocent self that has always been there.

Our subconscious mind makes us become like our original family to express our loyalty to them. We must break free from the fear of living a better life than our parents and embrace happiness.

We want to break free from our parents' influence, yet we're afraid of living a life that's "unhappy" like theirs.

But I firmly believe that regardless of our circumstances, the most crucial aspect of life is to discover our true identity and live authentically. Whether you're the son of Li Ka-shing or a child from a humble background, every life inevitably returns to oneself, uncovers one's genuine purpose, and allows us to live according to our aspirations.

You will find the path you want to take after all the obstacles along the way, and you will move forward courageously and happily.

I'm listening. I'm Coach Xu Yanlian. Come and chat.

I wish you the best.

Hello! After reading your question and learning about your upbringing, I understand that you feel materialistic. This is simply a kind of internal scarcity in you, and you want to find someone from a wealthy family to compensate for the feeling of scarcity inside.

What you lacked in childhood, you will strive to find as an adult. However, due to the lack of experience in childhood, you will feel a deep sense of unworthiness in your heart. Therefore, when you face someone from a good family, you will feel that you are not good enough. You want it, but you are inferior.

You like having people teach you about the ways of the world, giving you advice, being talented, and coming from a good family. All of these things your parents could not give you. From the moment you resolved to work hard to get into university, you were trying to break free from the constraints of your family and change your destiny, to have the life you wanted. You have achieved what you wanted and can survive independently in society, which has brought you countless times of gratification. You are on the same level as others.

If you look at yourself in the present using fixed experiences from the past—like thinking, "My family is not well-off, I have no money, other people look down on me, I'm not as good as other people"—you will never have confidence. You'll just be letting yourself live in the shadow of the past.

You can only truly grow yourself by changing your inner perception. This process may take a long time, but it is worth it. You can do this by getting psychological counseling, reading psychology books, living in the present, not dwelling on past feelings, and looking at things from a new perspective.

There is nothing wrong with being poor. Being poor is not a disgrace or a sign of inferiority. The inferiority complex that comes with being poor is a subjective definition created by people. Everything exists objectively in itself, but after being given a definition by people, it becomes divided into good and bad. Just like the parents of the 1950s and 1960s, their perception was that being poor was honest, honorable, and proud. Which definition is correct?

This question is another definition of "definition."

We are constantly defining money and everything external. People have always lived by the definitions they set for themselves. You define poverty as bad, so poverty is bad in your heart, and you are bound by this definition.

All internal pressure and anxiety come from the various definitions in our hearts.

You cannot escape past perceptions and definitions. They are deeply imprinted in your heart, making you falter and giving you a deep sense of powerlessness in the face of everything in the present. Even if your body has broken free from the old environment, your heart has not. You may have gained the ability to make wealth, but you still think you are inferior to others and cannot truly be happy and joyful.

If you cannot accept your past, you will always be entangled in it. Accept that your parents cannot give you the life you want. Admit that they are unable to meet your needs. Understand that this is the limitation of your parents and the place where they are powerless. Let go of your "definitions" in your heart. Truly say goodbye to the past!

Read this book: "Living Yourself" by Xu Yiming.

I am confident that this will help you.

Hello, question asker! I'm Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who can make images speak.

The original poster wants to know why they're having more "materialistic" thoughts. Let's go back to the early years of growing up to discuss it! You said that your hometown is in the countryside, your parents' relationship is not harmonious, not many people in the village have gone out through the college entrance examination, and you, as one of the best, have also made a lot of efforts. You even feel that those days of studying hard are the darkest period of your life — but they're also the period that led you to where you are today!

In those dark days, you may have imagined how good it would be if you were a city dweller, if your family was well-off, if your parents could give you guidance. But, behind all those "ifs" is the harsh reality, which fills you with disapproval and lack of confidence in yourself, and a sense of insecurity. But, you can change that!

So you can only respond in the way you are best at – avoiding – to deal with others' curiosity about you, and you need to use a "long" test to confirm the sincerity of others. However, this also hinders your social interactions. But don't worry! There is a way to turn this around.

The key to solving problems is to turn your gaze away from the outside world and back to yourself. You'll be amazed at how much spiritual freedom you'll find!

You say there is no way to make yourself happy. Well, guess what? Wang Yangming once said, "Happiness is the essence of the heart. Although it is different from the happiness of the seven emotions, it is not outside the happiness of the seven emotions. And get this: although saints and sages have true happiness, it is also commonly shared by ordinary people! But here's the catch: ordinary people have it without knowing it, and instead seek much worry and suffering. They abandon themselves.

Absolutely! We can definitely find our hearts through counseling and let the abundance of our hearts fill your life.

Wishing you the very best!