I feel like I've never met a good person since I was a child. What should I do?

Hello! I'm Jiang 61.

Thank you for trusting us and telling us about your love/intimate-relationship-confusion-how-has-my-language-hurt-my-husband-2893.html" target="_blank">confusion. You feel like you haven't met any good people since you were a child. What should you do?

"From your introduction, I know what you're confused about. Let's talk about it.

1. Introduction

1. Growing environment

You said, "My family fell apart, I suffered violence at school after transferring, my high school teacher looked down on me, and led me to poverty. I could never learn the subjects, and high school was very depressing. I went home and cried, and I disliked school, but I had to go anyway. Although I didn't do well on the exam, college life was quite happy."

Growing up in a difficult environment

From your introduction, I can see your upbringing environment. I will hug you first to give you warmth. Between universities, your memories are grey. Your parents divorced, you were bullied, and you felt depressed.

You are strong.

You didn't mention how you got through it, but I know you're strong. You got into college and your life has improved. You're happy to hear that.

2. Experiences

You said, "I was determined to take the postgraduate entrance exam as soon as the semester started. Our school is very mediocre, with a 0% graduate employment rate. But I still wanted to make up for it. In my junior year, I finally passed the TEM-4, and also fell in love for the first time. But he cheated on me for two years, lied to me for six months, and I gave him everything, including money and energy, and also neglected my studies. I was desperate again,"

Try harder.

You want to take the postgraduate entrance exam, support yourself, study while working part-time, gain something from your studies, and see your efforts bear fruit. You have passed the TEM-4.

Love

You've been in two relationships and cheated on for six months. You're sad and think there's no hope.

I think you'll change when you calm down.

3️⃣, confused

It's almost June, and summer is coming. Why can't people be more sincere? Is this just how society is, or is there something wrong with me? Is this the price I pay for my past mistakes?

You're confused about your past experiences. First, you doubt sincerity. Second, you question your character. You're suffering.

2. Why is it confusing?

1. The influence of the environment during growth

Upbringing

The growth environment is the sum of the various environmental factors that an individual experiences during their growth process. These include the family environment, school environment, and social environment. The growth environment has a significant impact on an individual's growth, development, and character formation.

Influence

The questioner's upbringing was harsh. The family environment caused the questioner to lack love and care. The school environment caused the questioner to question human nature. The social environment caused the questioner to doubt himself.

2. Halo effect

Halo effect

The halo effect is an inaccurate, one-sided psychological phenomenon. It is also called the "stereotype effect." It is a subjective impression formed by interpersonal perception that generalizes from a few examples.

It affects how people see things around it.

The result

The questioner has only known unfriendly people. He thinks this is how society is and that he is the target of bullying and deception. He has a strong impression of the other person, which affects his perception of others and himself.

The questioner also has a strong side, but doesn't know it.

Projection effect

Projection effect

The projection effect is when you judge others based on your own characteristics. You assume they have the same characteristics as you and project your feelings, will, and characteristics onto them. This often happens when you think about other people.

Cognitive bias

The projection effect is a serious cognitive and psychological deviation. It makes us treat others and ourselves in ways that are not fair or balanced. In the present case, the questioner thinks others should be kind and sincere, but when they are not, he cannot accept it.

3. What to do

1. Be fair and accurate.

Comprehensive and objective.

Be comprehensive and objective. Respect objective facts and laws.

Look at people correctly.

We think clearly and make good decisions in social situations. We know that people are different.

Don't judge others based on your likes and dislikes. This helps you get to know people better and handle relationships better.

2. Look at yourself correctly.

Know yourself.

We need to understand ourselves to know who we are, where we come from, and where we can go.

Correctly view yourself.

The questioner is not confident. She only sees the bad in herself, but not her good qualities. These are important for success.

If we understand ourselves and view ourselves correctly, we can overcome difficulties and achieve our goals.

3️⃣, build self-confidence

Be confident.

Self-confidence means knowing and believing in oneself, and believing that you can achieve your goals.

Build self-confidence.

The questioner needs to understand themselves and build self-confidence. They need to recognize their strengths, characteristics, and areas of expertise and choose to do the things they like, are good at, and are capable of doing. They need perseverance to accomplish their goals and gain a sense of accomplishment.

Questioner, getting to know people takes time. We can see a person as a whole. If we are kind, sincere, persistent, and confident, people will like us.

Believe in yourself.

I wish the questioner a happy life!

Hello!

I understand how you feel.

You wrote that your family fell apart, you were bullied at school, your homeroom teacher was abusive, and you became poor. You struggled to learn and found high school depressing. You went home and cried, disliking school but having to go. Your family's breakdown will affect you deeply. The state believes that a complete family can bring different values to children.

The state is also gradually accepting and solving school violence. Family education is one reason for its existence. If your homeroom teacher looks down on you, it's personal. The saying "You now look down on me. In the future, I can't afford to get close to you" applies to you.

You can get financial aid. You need it, so you should get it. But you need to understand what it means.

You wrote that you did not do well on the exam, but that college life is happy. You were determined to take the postgraduate entrance exam as soon as the semester started. You want to make up for the fact that our school has a 0% graduate rate. You worked part-time while studying English during your freshman and sophomore years. You passed the CET-4 in your junior year. You are capable and have goals. You have worked hard towards these goals. You have achieved some results, even though you wanted more. This is rare for you, who come from a dysfunctional family and receive financial assistance. You can change your destiny by working hard.

You wrote that you fell in love for the first time, but your partner had been in two previous relationships. He cheated on you for half a year. You gave him everything, including money and energy, and neglected your studies. You lost hope and felt desperate. You hope to make up for your emotional deficiencies through love. You have placed a lot of hope in this relationship, so you were cheated. However, there is no absolute cheating in falling in love. You can view this as a failure.

Suggestion:

1. You still focus on your studies. To change your fate, you need knowledge.

2. Not everyone in society is bad. You're just seeing the bad in your current environment. You're getting financial help, so a job like social worker would be good.

This is just a reference.

Hello, questioner. My name is June Lai Feng.

You have made great strides in overcoming significant challenges.

From a psychological perspective, the disintegration of the original family may have caused you to feel a lack of security and belonging, which could have left you without stable emotional support during your growth process. School violence, inappropriate treatment by the homeroom teacher, etc., may have further damaged your self-esteem and self-confidence, which could have caused you to remain in a depressed emotional state for a long time. These experiences may have had an impact on your character formation and interpersonal interactions, but it is important to remember that this is not your fault, nor is there something wrong with your character.

It is true that there are people in society who may not always act with integrity, but it is unfair to assume that everyone is like that. Everyone will encounter some less than ideal people and situations in life, but they will also encounter many kind and supportive people.

You have shown great resilience in working to change your circumstances, and you have also experienced positive moments in college, which demonstrates your capacity for happiness. With regard to the infidelity you encountered in a relationship, it's important to recognize that such behavior is not universal, and it would be unwise to generalize and write off all relationships and individuals based on this experience.

It is possible that the series of difficulties and setbacks you have experienced may have had a profound impact on your psychology and emotions. With that in mind, we would like to offer some perspectives that may help you understand and cope with these issues.

First, it is important to consider the impact of trauma and adversity. Disintegration of the original family, school violence, and other negative experiences may be considered traumatic events. These experiences can cause a range of challenging emotions, including pain, anxiety, depression, and helplessness.

It is important to remember that trauma can have a long-term impact on a person's mental and emotional health. It is admirable that you have adopted some coping mechanisms in the face of these difficulties, such as crying and extreme school aversion. However, it is also commendable that you still insist on going to school, which shows your resilience and survival instinct. With appropriate support and treatment, you can gradually recover and rebuild your life.

Secondly, it is important to consider the impact of external factors on one's self-knowledge and self-esteem. Prolonged experiences of being looked down upon and physically attacked by others can potentially lead to a loss of self-worth and a lack of confidence in one's abilities, which in turn can result in low self-esteem and negative emotions.

It would be beneficial to rebuild a healthy sense of self-awareness and self-esteem. This can be achieved through self-affirmation, positive self-talk, and building relationships with supportive people.

It's important to remember that everyone has different ways of coping with difficulties and stress. Your crying and extreme school aversion may be a way you've found to cope, but it's possible there are healthier and more effective ways to handle things.

It might be helpful to consider learning healthier coping mechanisms, such as emotion regulation skills, positive coping thinking, and seeking appropriate support, as a way of better dealing with setbacks and stress.

You mentioned feeling despair and disappointment in humanity, which are normal emotional reactions. It is important to learn to effectively regulate these emotions to avoid their long-term negative impact on your mental health.

Furthermore, being cheated on and let down can potentially challenge your trust in others. Being cheated on in a relationship can be a significant challenge to your trust.

This may sometimes make you question the sincerity of others and even lead you to doubt your own judgment. However, it is important to realize that not everyone will necessarily be dishonest with you.

It is important to remember that rebuilding trust takes time and that building relationships with trustworthy people is crucial. Learning to set healthy boundaries and building relationships with others based on mutual respect and honesty is also very important.

Despite facing many challenges, you remained determined to pursue your postgraduate studies, which demonstrates a strong sense of self-efficacy and belief in your ability to achieve your goals. You also experienced a sense of accomplishment by studying hard and making progress in English.

This is very encouraging. Setbacks and disappointments may temporarily affect your hopes and motivation. When facing setbacks, it is important to maintain a positive attitude, find new motivation and goals, and develop practical and feasible plans to achieve them.

At last, it would be wise to accept the past and look to the future. While it is important to acknowledge what has happened, it is equally important not to let it define your future. Believe in your ability to create a better life and move in a positive direction.

It is important to acknowledge your emotions, but try not to let them overwhelm you. Surrounding yourself with people who are sincere and kind can help you to experience positive emotions.

It is important to remember that change takes time and effort, but you are not alone. By taking positive steps, you can gradually get out of trouble and rebuild your life.

I hope the world treats you well today! Have a nice day!

Good morning, my name is Gu Daoxi, and I am a coach specializing in heart exploration.

I empathize with the questioner's situation and would like to extend my support.

The individual in question has faced significant challenges along the way. However, it is important to recognize that not everything is beyond one's control. Despite experiencing difficulties in school, which led to depression and a dislike of learning, the individual was able to gain admission to university based on their abilities and passed the CET-4. This is a noteworthy achievement.

When we lack love in our family of origin, it is easy to surrender our heart because of someone's kindness to us. Although the other person is unscrupulous, it also reflects that we are confused by the appearance of the other person because we lack experience in certain areas. This is not the fault of the questioner. With the accumulation of experience, we will gradually learn to recognize people.

The book The Courage to Be Disliked introduces two theories: the theory of cause and the theory of purpose. The theory of cause suggests that we are powerless to change our circumstances and that we must accept fate. In contrast, the theory of purpose asserts that we can influence our destiny through hard work, thereby enhancing our sense of control.

Every action in life has a consequence. Even if the immediate result seems inconsequential, it contributes to the overall growth and development of the individual. To illustrate, if the questioner is now aware of her boyfriend's true nature, she can thank him for sparing her the trouble of marriage in the future.

Adler stated that all concerns originate from interpersonal relationships. When we prioritize our relationships with others, we tend to be cautious, concerned about offending or upsetting the other person. However, when we focus on our own feelings, it becomes less important what kind of verbal attacks others use or what kind of behavior they ignore.

There is a saying: "It's not your fault to be hurt, but it is your responsibility to recover." In the past, we lacked the ability to effect change in many situations. However, we have since grown and developed the capacity to decline unreasonable requests, respond assertively to mistreatment, and defend against verbal attacks.

It is important to develop self-love and self-worth. When we lack self-esteem, it is easy to be influenced by others. Once we have experienced and appreciated positive interactions, we are less likely to be swayed by others' actions.

The questioner may wish to consider whether it is feasible to compensate for the academic work that has been overlooked due to the infidelity over the past six months. By focusing on self-improvement, the questioner can minimise the emotional impact.

People learn from either their own experiences or the experiences of others. The questioner is new to society and has limited experience, so it is not their fault if they are cheated. The questioner can learn from this experience and avoid similar problems in the future. Will this way of thinking improve the questioner's outlook?

Allowing for mistakes and the associated costs of trial and error may help the questioner to reconcile with themselves when facing failure and setbacks. This can be achieved by telling themselves that this is the possible price of growth and that it is okay to fail. If this occurs, the questioner should simply start again.

Life is a series of individual moments. There are no insurmountable obstacles until the end of one's life. The questioner's independent life has not yet begun, so there is no need to define it now. Do not negate yourself and think that you don't deserve it. Catastrophizing makes you feel that there is no hope in life.

You have acquired two distinct approaches to problem-solving: one that involves attempting a solution, encountering an obstacle, and ultimately abandoning the attempt, and another that involves persevering through setbacks and attempting a solution again. Which of these approaches do you find more effective?

We recommend the following reading material: "Accepting Imperfection," "How to Embrace a Hedgehog," and "Living a Life Where You Don't Call the Shots."

Best regards,

Hello, questioner! I am Jia Ao, the Heart Exploration coach. I hope I can be of help to you.

I have taken the time to carefully read through the issues and confusion you have outlined on the platform. Have you faced challenges in your depression/in-life-work-and-interpersonal-relationships-its-easy-to-be-overly-concerned-with-details-what-should-one-do-5405.html" target="_blank">interpersonal relationships? It seems that you have had difficulty forming positive relationships since childhood, and your family of origin has experienced some difficulties. You have also faced challenges at school, including instances of violence, and your high school homeroom teacher may have had some expectations that were not aligned with your needs. These experiences may have contributed to feelings of depression during your high school years, and when you returned home, you may have found it difficult to engage with your studies. It seems that your memories are not filled with happy experiences, which has contributed to feelings of unhappiness.

College life can be a bit more relaxed and carefree, and it was also the first time I fell in love. However, I later discovered that he had been unfaithful to you for six months. You gave him everything, both energy and money, and you also neglected your studies. This kind of disappointment can make you feel like there's no hope left. You're feeling very desperate inside. You're wondering why people can't be more sincere with each other. Is it just the way society is?

Or could it be that there is something about your character that you feel is flawed? This seems to be a significant source of confusion for you.

This may indicate that your heart is full of doubts. In any case, this is not your problem. It might be helpful to try not to think negatively and to avoid denying yourself. Problems will likely be solved. Perhaps it would be beneficial to try to be less pessimistic.

If I may, I would like to offer some analysis and suggestions for improvement.

1. Consider ways to strengthen your inner self.

From your description, it seems that you have encountered a number of challenging individuals and situations along the way, which may have influenced your outlook. It's understandable that you might feel that you haven't had many positive experiences. However, it's important to remember that everyone has their own journey and that you are on your own unique path. It's never too late to start strengthening your inner self and building resilience. With time and dedication, you can become a more confident and fearless individual, ready to take on whatever comes your way.

2. Consider making an effort to improve yourself.

You may feel that you have been somewhat unlucky, and that the people and situations you have encountered have not been particularly friendly. However, this does not necessarily indicate any inherent flaw in your abilities. It is important to remember that you should be true to yourself. There is no need to dwell on the mistakes of others. For now, it might be helpful to maintain a low profile, continue striving to improve yourself, and not to be overly concerned with the opinions or comments of others. It is not necessary to live in the shadow of other people's opinions. It is important to focus on your own goals and aspirations.

3. It may be helpful to consider that trying to please others is not always the best use of your energy.

The same can be said of interpersonal relationships: it may be helpful to consider adopting a more firm attitude and position. It can be beneficial to be sincere when you need to be, to be assertive when you need to be, and to avoid trying to please anyone. It may be helpful to avoid relationships that seem to be meaningful. If you find that you are too drained when you are with other people, it may be worthwhile to consider focusing your energy on improving yourself and living for yourself. It may be helpful to consider cherishing the people in your life.

4. Consider listening to your heart.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to believe in the goodness of the world, despite what you may have experienced in the past. Try to listen to your heart and do what feels right. It is my belief that when we face the world with positive energy, it will return to us. So just live a positive life and face any problems and difficulties with a smile.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. If you would like to communicate further, you are welcome to follow me (click on my personal homepage), choose the Heart Exploration service, and communicate with me one-on-one. I send you and the world my love and best wishes.

Dear Question Asker, I perceive a certain degree of confusion in your statements. You indicate that you have not encountered any individuals you consider to be positive influences since you were a child. What course of action would you recommend?

After reading about one of your experiences, I am compelled to express my admiration and support. Your resilience and achievements are commendable, particularly given the challenges you have faced. The adage that a person's background can take a lifetime to overcome is exemplified by your journey to university, which was undoubtedly arduous. The fact that you overcame these obstacles and passed your CET-4 exam is a testament to your determination and ability.

Let us now consider the "bad" experiences that you have previously described. It is not appropriate to blame our parents for our family of origin, nor ourselves. Furthermore, you have also suffered from school violence and were subjected to criticism by your high school homeroom teacher. It is important to recognise that you were not at fault for being bullied. Rather, you were too young at the time, lacked the strength to defend yourself, and were afraid to fight back. It is reassuring to note that such incidents are unlikely to occur again in the future, given that you have matured and developed the capacity to respond effectively.

You indicated that you were not a particularly successful student, yet you were able to gain admission to college. I am extremely proud of you. I was in a similar position to yours when I was your age. I barely graduated from high school with financial aid. I did not believe that I would be able to gain admission to college. I was not able to secure a place on a four-year college course, but it is important to recognise that one's destiny is not set in stone. I have since worked hard and gained admission to a full-time undergraduate programme, and I am now in employment.

Subsequent romantic relationships have a tendency to deal a significant blow to one's emotional well-being. This is due to the fact that individuals tend to invest a great deal of emotional capital into these relationships. However, if one is able to view these experiences from a different perspective, they can serve as a catalyst for personal growth. It is important to recognize that these experiences, while painful, can also facilitate the development of resilience and the capacity to persevere through challenges. It is crucial not to internalize blame or self-blame, as this can impede one's ability to move forward and heal.

It would be erroneous to conclude otherwise.

What, then, is the appropriate response? Sincerity is especially valuable, but we must be sincere and kind, while also maintaining a certain degree of sharpness. This allows us to learn from our mistakes, become better acquainted with others, communicate more effectively, develop certain skills, and avoid being assimilated, while at the same time gaining a deeper understanding of the world around us.

Subsequently, it is imperative to cultivate self-care, which entails refraining from self-blame. It is crucial to recognize that we do not possess control over certain circumstances beyond our capacity, such as the processes of birth, aging, illness, and death.

That is the extent of my advice. I extend my affection to you, the world, and you. Stay strong! Have faith in the future, do not abandon your aspirations, and refrain from being excessively critical of yourself.

I extend my best wishes to you.

Give the questioner a hug! I can feel the depression, loss, despair, and confusion in the questioner's heart. Changes in the original family have affected the questioner's perception of and expectations for themselves and their interpersonal relationships. They are extremely negative about themselves and lack self-confidence, and they lack a sense of security in their interpersonal relationships.

So, when the questioner was bullied at school and physically attacked by a teacher, she felt especially powerless and helpless. She didn't know how to handle it or protect herself, so she kept all these emotions inside and just endured them silently.

Feeling depressed doesn't mean the questioner doesn't want a good life. They still want a good life, which is why they see hope and fall in love while working part-time and studying in college. What happened was that the questioner's inner unease and desire for intimacy were interacting at the same time. The questioner didn't have a good enough understanding of themselves and intimacy, and they didn't know how to protect themselves in an intimate relationship.

There are personal factors, factors in the social environment, and factors in the other person. It's not that the questioner isn't good enough to attract such a person, but that the questioner doesn't know how to understand, distinguish, and identify what kind of person they want. It's only when multiple factors come together that something happens that makes the questioner despair. Therefore, the questioner doesn't need to blame themselves, and they don't need to complain about anything. Accept these experiences, and then think about why you chose such a person, what you want from them, etc.

It's important to learn from these experiences and avoid similar situations in the future. Life is full of disappointments, and few people have a smooth life. We all stumble and fall along the way.

I hope the OP has an increasingly fulfilling and exciting life.

Dear Sir/Madam, My name is Bai Li Yina, and I hope that my reply will provide you with some warmth and assistance.

The respondent revealed that their family was unhappy, that they had suffered violence at school, encountered unsuitable teachers, and that it was challenging to transition from disliking school to gaining admission to college and pursuing a graduate degree. When they fell in love in college and encountered someone they liked but were cheated on, they discovered that they had lost more than time, energy, and money. Their studies were also neglected, and it seemed like they had to start all over again. This made them feel very desperate. They asked for advice on how to identify the root cause of these issues and how to avoid encountering unsuitable individuals in the future.

[Situation analysis]

It is evident that your growth process has been challenging. Your parents have not provided sufficient love and support. You have faced campus violence and teachers who have belittled you. You have also endured a state of extreme school aversion. College life seems to have taken a turn for the better, and you have not given up. You have consistently demonstrated a strong work ethic in your studies and life. You had plans and arrangements for your future, until a failed relationship once again plunged you into a desperate predicament. I commend you for having made it this far and for not giving up. Let's now examine what went wrong.

[Questions to prompt critical thinking]

1. In high school, you experienced significant challenges that led to a negative perception of the educational environment. After transitioning to university, how did you adapt to your new surroundings and regain a positive outlook? Did you form a good rapport with your roommates?

Or were there any positive factors that contributed to your overall happiness?

2. What methods do you employ to alleviate your distress? Despite the challenges, you maintained a rigorous work ethic while pursuing your studies and part-time employment during your freshman and sophomore years. What factors enabled you to persevere in the face of fatigue?

3. You took the CET-4 exam in your junior year, and you were closer to your goal. What factors led to your decision to cease further study? In what way did the individual you were interested in romantically influence your decision?

What was the source of greater joy than the achievement of your goals?

4. You have invested a great deal in this relationship. When you discover that you have been misled, you realize that you have lost a great deal for this person. If you have not been misled but have simply invested time, energy, and neglected your studies because of this relationship, will you still feel pain? Or do you believe it was worth it?

You have the love you desire.

We recommend the following method for your consideration:

I believe you are currently experiencing significant distress. When reflecting on your journey thus far, the positive aspects do not appear to outweigh the negative. Looking ahead, you feel there is no hope for the future. This is because when people are in pain, they often dwell on past experiences that caused them pain. The happiness and joy you once felt will recede. The more you recall past pain, the stronger the feeling of this pain becomes. We must return to the core issue, which is that your feelings have been hurt. You have placed your trust in someone who does not deserve your love. It seems that all your efforts for him have been in vain. However, is this truly the case?

You entered into a romantic relationship, during which you were willing to make sacrifices for the other person because you felt happy and fulfilled. However, you subsequently discovered that the other person was unfaithful, which led to the dissolution of the relationship and the termination of your expectations and hopes for the future with him. As a result, you experienced a failed relationship and feel that your sacrifices were not worthwhile.

The value and suitability of people or things can only be determined after experiencing and interacting with them. Individual standards may vary, and your contribution is a process of experience and judgment. Ultimately, this person is not a suitable match for me.

The appeal of romantic relationships persists. In the event of a relationship ending due to infidelity, it is worthwhile to consider the lessons gained from the experience. It is rare for relationships initiated during one's teenage years to result in marriage. While the reasons for ending a relationship vary, the emotional impact is universal, leading to a sense of loss. The insights gained from this experience can inform the next relationship, reducing the likelihood of repeating past mistakes.

Have you ever encountered an individual in your life who has made a positive impact on your life? It is possible that you may not recall such an individual when you are experiencing negative emotions. If you reflect on the matter, you will realize that the poverty funds you received were actually organized by a group of kind individuals. Despite not having met the person who proposed this idea directly, you indirectly became a beneficiary.

Your happiness and likeability in college will not solely depend on the new environment. There will undoubtedly be individuals on campus with whom you will connect. Have you encountered anyone who provided assistance while you were employed part-time? Sometimes, it is the seemingly insignificant things that bring a sense of warmth and comfort. However, these positive aspects do exist, and they can help us navigate the challenges ahead.

You have progressed from a state of unmotivation to one of forward planning and aspiration for the future. You have demonstrated resilience in the face of significant challenges, completing your short-term goals during your freshman and sophomore years. This illustrates your capacity for tenacity and determination. Life is a long journey, and although you have experienced a setback, it is not too late to regain your focus and pursue your objectives. I am confident that with renewed commitment, you can achieve your goals.

The most reliable source of support for each of us is ourselves. Regardless of how impressive the other half may be, only our own capabilities can provide the greatest sense of security: our abilities, financial resources, tenacity, hard work, and refusal to give up. These are all valuable qualities that no one can take away from us. Therefore, recognize your strengths, transform your challenges into motivation, and demonstrate to the individual who has misled you that you are a valuable asset.

I hope the aforementioned methods will prove beneficial to you.

Please be aware that change takes time and patience. There is no need to worry or be afraid. Many people are experiencing or have experienced similar problems.

I am here to support you. You are not alone. I wish you the best in finding a solution to the challenges you are facing and in achieving your goals.

I would like to express my gratitude to those who have liked and provided feedback. I wish you peace and joy.

Hello question asker

I'm happy for your determination and progress in learning English while working part-time since your freshman and sophomore years.

After transferring to a new school, you were bullied, attacked, lived a poor life, couldn't learn, and hated school.

You survived the violence on campus. That shows you're tough and strong.

I also fell in love for the first time, but he had already been in two relationships. He cheated on me for six months, and I gave him everything. I also neglected my studies, and now I feel hopeless.

You'll find the right person when the time is right.

You may have chosen him because of a moment of emotion or misunderstanding. But as time passed, you discovered you were not a good match.

Such experiences help you know what you want and avoid repeating mistakes.

Life is full of challenges. But these experiences make us stronger.

We attract bad people for different reasons. It could be because of ourselves or because of what's around us. Either way, we can learn from these experiences and make ourselves better so we attract better people and things in the future.

The future will get better. Find solutions. There are always more ways than problems. Go forward and don't give up.

Good day. I extend my gratitude to you for disclosing your personal challenges and seeking assistance on this specialized platform. I am Jin Yan, a senior student in the Yixin Psychological Chaoyang Program and an intern counselor for the "first" counseling program.

After a thorough examination of your statements, it is evident that despite the numerous challenges you have faced during your developmental journey, you have consistently striven to move towards a more positive direction. Additionally, there seems to be an underlying call for "love."

The experience of romantic love in one's third year of university can be a positive one, yet it can also have adverse effects. It can lead to academic difficulties and feelings of despair. It can also give rise to doubts about the nature of society and one's own worthiness.

Indeed, it is my intention to inform you that you are already quite proficient.

In high school, you experienced significant depressive symptoms and a strong dislike of school, which led to difficulties in forming positive relationships with classmates and teachers. Despite these challenges, you were able to gain admission to university, set academic goals, and balance work and studies during your first two years. Additionally, you possess high levels of confidence and optimism, along with a sense of hope for the future. In your third year, you demonstrated academic success by passing the TEM-4 exam. These positive attributes can serve as valuable resources for you.

It is simply a matter of inexperience and an excess of trust in others, which ultimately leads to difficulties.

You discussed the concept of sincerity in relation to interpersonal communication. I am interested in learning more about your understanding of this concept. If you have seen my message, I would appreciate your response at your convenience.

In this world, sincerity is a laudable quality that is frequently discussed and has the capacity to evoke profound emotions in others. However, in the context of human interactions, it is uncommon to encounter unwavering sincerity, and even more so to maintain it over time.

In a state of mutual sincerity, there is no need to feign social conformity, no need to conceal one's true self, and no such thing as so much misunderstanding and suspicion. However, this kind of sincere treatment is not something that everyone can do.

The majority of individuals are inclined to prioritize the potential benefits of long-term interactions. It is human nature to seek a return on one's efforts.

Once such an idea is formed, sincerity is compromised.

For example, if one is a family-loving person, it is reasonable to assume that one would be forthcoming with one's family about one's difficulties. Many individuals tend to report only positive news and refrain from disclosing negative experiences. This can result in a situation where, despite the challenges faced, the individual bears them alone, while their family members express concern.

One might inquire whether individuals are being honest with themselves. On occasion, in an effort to appear more perfect and outstanding in the eyes of the public, people attempt to create and present themselves in accordance with the public's preferences. They endeavor to cater to the public's tastes and are eager to be seen and praised.

However, when one is alone, one's self-evaluation may differ.

Dear questioner, It is unproductive to dwell on the shortcomings of the external environment or to be overly critical of oneself. Instead, it is beneficial to cultivate self-acceptance and understanding, remain true to one's original aspirations, and adopt a calm and focused approach to pursue one's goals. The summer period provides an opportunity to catch up on academic work and address any deficiencies.

It is my hope that in the forthcoming academic year, I will be able to progress at a pace that is comfortable for me.

Should you encounter a situation that causes distress, you are encouraged to utilise this unique platform to discuss the matter further.

It is important to remember that you are not alone in this world, and that there are people who care about you and support you.

I think that when you're hurting, feeling depressed, and generally negative, your thoughts tend to be pretty negative, too. But these thoughts aren't actually real.

If you really met only bad people, you wouldn't be able to go to college or get a graduate degree. Those teachers who imparted knowledge to you brought you so many resources. I think you are hurt now, and it's too sad. Whether it's the betrayal of a loved one, you feel it's especially hard to bear. When you can't accept the pain and loss, can't experience being loved and embraced, and can't find that home that can give you security, you will project it onto the outside world and feel that the world is dark.

And our expectations of the world reflect our need for love and warmth. At this time, it is worth being a little kinder to yourself and accepting your own vulnerability.

We all have moments when we're infatuated with someone who isn't perfect. It's tough for anyone to see everything clearly when they're falling in love.

You're not alone in this, and neither are we. We've all been in love and hurt by love.

Take Selena and Justin Bieber, for example. It's well-known that both of these men had other girlfriends while they liked Selena.

Selena is also affected by this, but she's now back on top of her career.

She won the Cannes Film Festival.

Hello, question asker!

I'm Tim Yi, and I'm here to help!

I was blown away by your resilience when I read the first half of your question. Despite a broken family, violence at school, personal attacks by the class teacher, and a dislike of school, you were still thriving at university and passed the TEM-4 in your junior year! I was really inspired by how you fought against setbacks and came out on top. Kudos to you for your stress resistance!

From your questions, it's clear that your first love was a major turning point in your life. You've taken all your previous experiences and turned them into a rich tapestry of memories, feelings, and experiences. While it's understandable that you're reliving some negative moments, you're also embracing the positivity that's around you.

Let's dive right in and talk about your relationship!

You treated people sincerely, and in the course of your relationship, you devoted money and energy, giving up your postgraduate studies. You are sentimental and affectionate, and for this, I give you a big thumbs-up from the bottom of my heart!

However, love is a two-way street, and it is not enough for only one person to give.

From your description of the relationship, a scene comes to mind: you have carefully built a magnificent castle in your heart, into which you have put your true feelings, love, and the time of your life, all with the best of intentions. But because the castle was built on deception rather than love, one day it suddenly collapses!

As a result, your hopes were dashed, and you began to question society and yourself!

Failure is a bummer, right? I get it. But you know what? Failure is just another stepping stone to success! So, let me give you a big hug and tell you that you're going to be just fine!

Once you've experienced the pain, it's time to reflect, discover the reason behind it, and embrace the meaning it brings you!

I'm excited to discuss the following aspects with you:

1. The breakdown of your original family and your childhood experiences have not prepared you for intimate relationships, but this is an amazing opportunity for you to develop a totally new and correct view of marriage and love as you grow up!

2. Wu Zhihong said in "Talking to Another Self": The more you can be yourself in a relationship, the more that relationship will nourish you! You haven't been nourished in this relationship, so it's time to move on to something that's a better fit for you.

3. Love is an amazing emotion that humans have always explored and pursued, and it is a lifelong topic that we get to learn and practice!

4. Love is not everything in life. When you encounter setbacks and despair about life, it should be a way of cognition, which is an irrational belief in the "worst" in psychological theory. But don't worry! There's so much more to life than that.

Next, let's dive into your thoughts on whether you "have a problematic personality" from the beginning!

?1. You are being unfair to yourself by viewing the problem from a negative perspective. Let's change that!

2. Your foster parent was amazing! She (or he) was dedicated to you and insisted on letting you go to school and graduate from college. There must have been love and support. This was a resource for your growth, and perhaps your sincere qualities were cultivated during this growth process.

3. You are an amazing person! Despite all the challenges you faced, including changing schools, campus violence, personal attacks from the homeroom teacher, and conflicts of school refusal, you didn't give up. You went on to university and succeeded! You're like a sapling that has withstood the wind and rain but still stands tall. You've honed your willpower and the ability to withstand pressure and work against the odds.

4. You are starting university, and even though you feel that the chance of passing is 0%, you are not afraid. You are hopeful and are studying for the postgraduate entrance exam while working part-time and studying English. I see your inner strength and unyielding character, and I encourage you for this!

While we can't rule out the possibility of deception and harm, we can't let a few examples stop us from seeing the bigger picture. Let's keep an open mind and look at the possibilities!

6. You chose to seek help from Yi Xinli, which is a great sign that you have the ability to solve problems!

I really hope my insight can help you! I truly believe that you, with all your amazing qualities, will be able to get out of your current situation and start loving yourself again!

The world and I love you!

In real life, everyone has areas for improvement. For you, these may include:

1. Managing emotions

Your ability to manage emotions may have been challenged when you encountered traumatic events. Over-suppressing or over-expressing emotions can affect your decision-making and behavior.

You need to learn to express and regulate emotions.

2. Self-confidence and self-worth

If you were looked down upon and physically attacked by your homeroom teacher in high school, you may doubt your abilities and value. This could affect your motivation to learn and your social skills.

You need to rebuild your self-confidence and believe in your ability to overcome difficulties and realize your own value.

3. Social skills

If you've been cheated on, it shows you have problems in relationships. You may trust too much or lack experience in dealing with emotions.

You need to improve your social skills, learn to form healthy relationships, and protect your rights.

Many people have had worse experiences than you. They may not have been admitted to university, and they may have suffered more setbacks and hardships.

They didn't give up on themselves. They faced life bravely and found their own way out. Some people may not have a high degree, but they've become experts through self-study and practice. Some people may have experienced emotional setbacks, but they've learned from them.

Life isn't always easy. We all face challenges. But if we stay positive and face our challenges head-on, we can find happiness and success.

I recommend these three books to help you live a better life.

1. Finding Meaning in Life

This book is the masterpiece of the famous psychologist Viktor E. Frankl. It tells of his experiences in a Nazi concentration camp and the meaning of life he learned from it. It tells us that we can find meaning in life even in difficult times.

This book can help you examine your life and find motivation to move forward.

2. "Self-Control"

This book is about self-control. It teaches us how to manage our lives better.

This book can help you control your emotions and behaviors, improve your self-confidence, and establish healthy habits and relationships.

3. Human Nature

This book is a classic on relationships. It reveals the weaknesses and flaws in human nature and provides ways to deal with them.

This book can help you understand human nature and build healthy relationships. It can also help you improve your emotional intelligence and leadership skills.

These books help you understand meaning in life, self-control, and relationships. Reading them and following their advice can help you overcome problems and live better.

No matter what you face, don't give up. Believe in yourself and you can overcome anything.

Hello, landlord. I've read your description and I totally get where you're coming from. I really hope my suggestions can help you. You've been through so much and it's all been really tough. I know it's been painful and you've been feeling pretty desperate, but you're still trying your best, which is so admirable.

I've got some suggestions to help you find inner peace and a way forward.

1. Understand and accept

1. Understand your emotions: You've been through a lot, and it's totally normal to feel emotionally desperate. Give yourself the space to feel these emotions and don't be afraid to embrace them.

2. Accept past experiences: Even though they were tough, they're part of your story. Accepting them and learning and growing from them can help you face the future with a fresh perspective.

2. Find support

1. Seek emotional support: Share your feelings and confusion with someone you trust, like a friend, family member, or counselor. They'll be happy to offer you a shoulder to lean on and some much-needed understanding. Talking and communicating can reduce your psychological stress.

2. Join a support group: Find like-minded groups or organizations, such as school clubs or volunteer organizations, to find a sense of belonging and support. You'll be amazed at how much it helps!

3. It's time to rethink your goals!

1. Set realistic goals: It's so important to set goals that are realistic for you right now. Don't be too hard on yourself, and give yourself some buffer time and space.

2. You can do it! Break down big goals into small, phased goals, and reward yourself for each completed stage to gradually build up your confidence.

4. Restore your motivation to learn!

1. Regain interest in learning: Find something you are interested in learning and gradually regain your motivation to learn. You can even try some new learning methods or tools to improve learning efficiency and fun!

2. Make sure you're scheduling your time wisely! It's important to find a good balance between studying, resting, and having fun. Try not to let too much pressure get in the way of your plans.

5. Nurture your inner strength!

1. Nurture a sunny outlook: Try to jot down some good things every day to foster an optimistic mindset. Even small improvements and joys are worth noting and celebrating!

2. Healthy lifestyle: You've got this! Keeping a regular routine, eating a healthy diet, and exercising moderately will all help to improve your mental and physical state.

6. Coping with the challenges of interpersonal relationships

1. Build a trusting relationship: In future interactions, take your time to build a trusting relationship. It's okay to lose trust in others because of a single betrayal. Just remember to also learn to protect yourself and not give it all away so easily.

2. Learn to spot sincerity: It's so important to learn to spot sincerity from insincerity. We can do this by observing the words and actions of others. It's also a great idea to listen to the opinions and suggestions of those around us to avoid being hurt again.

You've made it through so many tough times, and you're still trying to move forward, which is so admirable. By understanding and accepting your emotions, finding support, redefining your goals, regaining your motivation to learn, improving your self-management, and learning to deal with the challenges of interpersonal relationships, you can gradually find inner peace and a way forward.

I really hope these suggestions are helpful for you. I'm sending you lots of love and positive energy for the days ahead. Believe in yourself, my friend. You are capable of facing these challenges and embracing a brighter tomorrow.

I'm here for you if you need anything.

The individual in question is demonstrating resilience in the face of adversity. From the account provided, it is evident that the subject has experienced significant challenges, yet has persisted in maintaining a sense of optimism through their own actions. They have experienced a betrayal of trust in a romantic relationship and have endured a significant setback. They are questioning the nature of the world and the perceived unfairness of their circumstances. These sentiments are understandable.

There are certain fundamental principles that underpin the functioning of this world.

In life, there are numerous factors that are beyond one's control, particularly the environment, including one's family of origin, educational institution, teachers, and peers. The environment exerts a profound influence on an individual's development and shapes their perspectives and behaviors. As we mature and gain autonomy, we can ultimately choose the path that aligns with our values and aspirations.

Past experiences are objective realities for all individuals, encompassing both positive and negative aspects. Depending on one's interpretation, these experiences can be perceived as a burden or a blessing.

Each individual traverses a unique trajectory in life. From a vantage point of elevated insight and comprehensive perspective, even in the face of adversity, one can discern the path to illumination. Conversely, an overindulgence in the present and a tendency to be swept along by circumstances, even in the context of favorable circumstances, can ultimately result in a cul-de-sac.

Please analyze the experience you described.

1. One cannot choose one's family of origin. Parents make their own life choices, but they do have a significant impact on the physical and mental development of their children. Children from divorced families are mostly introverted and insecure, and are likely to become targets of bullying at school. They also have difficulty concentrating on their studies. Conversely, such an environment makes it easier to realize that one must rely on oneself in the future, and it will make one more independent.

His average performance in high school was the result of environmental influences. After university, he was determined to take the postgraduate entrance exam as a way to seek self-improvement. It is not uncommon for children who are spoiled by their parents to rely on others and even fail to gain admission to university. When they leave the protection of their parents, their path will be even more difficult.

2. It is possible that the high school homeroom teacher may have used inappropriate language that made you feel belittled. This could be perceived as a limitation of his ability. Let us consider the following: what is the homeroom teacher's goal? It may be assumed that he wants every student in his class to gain admission to a good university. It is unlikely that he harbours any ill will towards you, so it seems probable that he was simply too eager to see you succeed and used inappropriate methods instead.

3. Poverty is not an issue for children. Children from impoverished backgrounds are not ashamed to receive financial assistance. Children from privileged backgrounds are not as capable as they are due to their own abilities; it is their parents who have facilitated their upbringing. Concurrently, the country and society have such policies, which cannot be said to be optimal. There is still great love in the world.

4. Learning requires an environment. It is inevitable that everyone will encounter questions that they are unable to answer, regardless of their efforts. When an environment provides a source of motivation, it becomes easier to enter a positive cycle. Conversely, an unsupportive environment will present challenges for students, negatively affect their mood, and lead to self-doubt. However, despite these difficulties, students must persevere and continue their studies, which reflects their resilience and is often shaped by life experience.

5. The positive aspects of university life derive from two key factors: the friendly environment and the hope instilled by one's own efforts. Despite the low college graduation rate, demonstrating initiative by continuing to work hard is a commendable approach. Part-time employment while pursuing studies has allowed you to develop your abilities at an earlier stage than many of your classmates. These observations are based on empirical evidence.

6. During their formative years, individuals have emotional and romantic needs. Those who have experienced familial dysfunction often exhibit a lack of love and a yearning for it. It is not uncommon for individuals to hope for love in return when they offer it. It is not possible to control the thoughts and actions of others. That is a matter for them to address. If they succeed in life, they can anticipate further opportunities in the future; if they experience setbacks, there will always be an opportunity to rectify them. However, individuals can learn for themselves and identify what is of greater importance. Summarizing and reflecting is a valuable exercise, and it is also a personal responsibility.

Love is analogous to studying: insight is only gained through genuine experience. Setbacks necessitate the recording of such experiences in a personal "mistake book," thereby reducing the likelihood of future detours and increasing the probability of attaining happiness. In retrospect, the financial compensation may appear insignificant, but it is a consequence of one's dedicated part-time labor and represents sincerity. Conversely, investing energy and neglecting studies is a personal decision, one that prioritizes the pursuit of long-held romantic and affectionate desires over academic rigor. This choice should serve as a lesson.

In summary, the amount of growth one experiences is directly correlated with the number of setbacks encountered. The capacity to grow or not is solely dependent on the individual. You effectively managed to balance your academic and professional responsibilities, demonstrating a commendable level of dedication. However, the dissolution of a romantic relationship should not be a cause for despair. It is imperative to recognize that one's own resilience and determination are the primary factors that determine the trajectory of one's life.

It is accurate to conclude that humanity is comprised of a diverse array of individuals. However, it is also evident that society as a whole is characterized by a profound capacity for love and a clear path to success through one's own efforts. It is not necessary to prioritize personality or past experiences in this pursuit. There are numerous avenues that can lead to a promising future, and the choice of which path to take is ultimately determined by the individual.

Hello, my dear friend! I'm a heart exploration coach, and I'm truly honored to be able to offer you some advice.

From what you've told me, I can totally see why you're feeling so disappointed. I can really relate to your inner cry, "Why is it that I've never met a good person since I was a child?" You've been through so much.

When you were young, your family fell apart, you experienced school violence, and then you went to university, where you may have felt that your studies were going well. But when you met someone you loved, you weren't able to stay together. I can see you've had a tough time.

It's so easy to feel like there's something wrong with you when you've been through so much. It's only natural to wonder if it's your fault.

It's so hard to understand why other people treat us this way, isn't it?

So you came to our platform to ask a question, wanting us to help you sort out your current situation and whether your inner thoughts require a good way to get him back on track, which we know you're really eager to do right now.

I'm going to take a look at your thoughts in more detail, using your own words to help you understand your situation better.

I totally get where you're coming from with thinking that you've never met a good person since you were young. Let's take a moment to clarify what we mean by "good."

I can totally sense that your idea of a good person is someone who treats you well, is loyal, and cares about you.

Even if there aren't a lot of stand-out qualities, at least they don't clash with each other, right? But nowadays, looking at all kinds of relationships between people, all kinds of roles will be related to you. And after being related, they will all cause you harm, and these harms are of varying degrees.

And all of these things you care about the most will bring you some pretty uncomfortable and painful feelings. The first one is your family of origin. In fact, we can look back at the past from your current state.

If your family background isn't the best, there's a chance you might face violence on campus. It's tough when you don't have your family there to support you.

You might feel a bit down in the dumps and lack the mental energy and confidence to show up to school with your best foot forward.

And when you arrived on campus, your high school homeroom teacher also looked down on you, made personal attacks on you, and saw you through tinted glasses because you were on financial aid. You also had trouble with your studies, and in fact the whole thing was very depressing.

Your family couldn't give you the support you needed, you didn't have any close friends to turn to when you felt down, and your teachers at school couldn't offer you any academic support. You were all alone, but you got through it all with grace and quiet strength.

You're the only one who truly understands this pain, sweetheart.

This is why you cry when you get home and feel so unmotivated at school. It's because you don't have the support of others. Then there's your high school. You didn't do as well as you'd hoped on the exams, but you had a great time at college.

You see university life as a turning point in your life, and I totally get it!

Even though the next love affair might not be as amazing as you'd hoped, your mood has definitely improved!

Before, you might have been feeling down, but in college, you became so much more cheerful! Let's start with this happy, bright state of mind and see what made you feel so good during college.

And just as the semester started, you were super determined to take the postgraduate entrance exam, which also represented a recovery of your self-confidence. Could it be related to your decision to study abroad?

I'm guessing this based on my more than five years of experience in psychology.

I'd love to be able to guess your situation accurately, so please feel free to send me a text with a detailed description. It sounds like you had a happy college life and decided to take the postgraduate entrance exam. I know the probability of getting into a good school is 0, but you still want to give it a try, and I think that's great!

This shows that you've never given up on yourself, and that's a wonderful thing. We all have our ups and downs, and before we went to university, there were probably more downs than ups. But after all your hard work,

You're determined to take the postgraduate entrance exam. You're hoping that passing the exam will transform your life and completely adjust your future in a subversive way. After thinking about it this way, you understand in your heart that you'll have to pay even more, but you still choose to persevere.

And you passed the TEM-4 exam in your junior year, which is so great! It shows that all your hard work paid off, and that your persistence will pay off even more in the future.

I'm so sorry to hear that your happy college life has been affected by this. Did you feel a sense of accomplishment from these events?

And you are determined to take the postgraduate entrance exam, so it seems that you will take the exam at the end of this year, right? I believe that you are now in the preparation stage, but then this happened: your boyfriend abandoned you and he was playing with two girls at the same time.

I can imagine this has been a really tough time for you. It's so sad when things like this happen and you feel like you can't trust your feelings anymore. I'm here to listen if you want to talk.

It's true! Many things that seem to hurt us the most are actually the best things that can happen to us. They help us grow and become stronger.

It's great that you found out your boyfriend is seeing other women. You two probably haven't been together for very long, and your relationship isn't that deep yet. Now that you've found out about this shortcoming and error in him early, we can stop the problem in time.

I really think it would be a great idea for you to focus more of your energy on this postgraduate entrance exam this year.

I truly believe that your amazing persistence for your studies and for a bright future with lots of possibilities for personal growth is in your heart.

I think you'll find that this is a great time to realize that he's not the right person for you. We just have to focus on the positive aspects of this situation to help us feel more at ease. I can also understand that you've been through a lot and experienced a lot of pain at your age, which is totally normal.

I know you're hoping that when you get to university, your life will be like a change of fortune and you'll adjust to the best state. Wouldn't it be nice to just pass the CET-4 exam and get into graduate school without any problems?

But our goal is a good one, and there is a process to achieving it. Just saying that things are now much better than before is something we should be grateful for. And with your personal efforts, you've already achieved so much!

And we also need to rethink how you'll approach falling in love. I believe that you gradually opened up to others after starting university. After all, your student days were not smooth.

You've already taken the first step, and that's a great start! Even though this person wasn't your soulmate, we can still learn from this experience.

In the next stage of looking for a boyfriend, we can make sure we don't miss any of his quirks, like some of his behavioural patterns and states of expression. That way, we'll be more likely to find someone who's just right for us!

And even though things didn't work out so well with him, I'm sure you both had a lot of fun together!

It's so wonderful to see you in this happy state of mind! We've also experienced this amazing feeling of joy, which has set us up for a brighter future.

So, you're starting to wonder if everyone is really as sincere as they seem? Well, everyone in society has different personality traits, and you are actually very sincere and kind-hearted, pure and simple.

We can definitely keep this great quality alive and well in our diverse society. Just be careful not to hurt anyone's feelings and try to understand the different character traits that make each of us special.

How can you recognize a good quality in a partner? It's something we all have to work on, but it's worth it!

I truly believe that your current experience is already much better than before.

So it might be a great idea to use this as an opportunity to increase our self-awareness, and after becoming aware, to improve our understanding. It's time to think about your interpersonal relationships, your relationship with your family of origin, your personal life plan, and your future plans for marriage and family.

Once we're accepted to graduate school, it'll be a big change in our lives. We can plan for lots of different paths at the same time, take one step at a time, and not rush. It's important to stay down-to-earth.

I truly believe that you will find the right person for you in the future. And at the same time, your career and studies will be realized step by step according to your plans.

Please feel free to ask me any questions you may have in text form by clicking on my personal homepage.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you and sending you my best wishes!