I feel remorseful at 22, but he won't accept me?

Good day, I have a question for you.

The relationship progresses through a series of tentative stages, each accompanied by a distinct emotional response. These stages include tentative with some regret, tentative with some doubt, tentative with some indifference, tentative with some self-indulgence, and tentative with some anger.

1. "He pursued me a month ago, stating that he had fallen in love with me at first sight," "I am reluctant to accept a second relationship," "I intend to test his patience by treating him poorly."

(1) Less than a month after the initial encounter, the other person is experiencing love at first sight, while you are merely testing their patience. These statements indicate that the relationship may not yet be fully formed.

(2) Xiao D had a spontaneous, immediate attraction to you. How did you two initially connect? Have you ever inquired about the specific qualities that initially drew him to you?

Please confirm whether the qualities that initially attracted you to him still exist.

From a psychological perspective, the phenomenon of "love at first sight" can be understood in the following ways:

1. The impression effect: The average duration of love at first sight is only a few seconds.

Despite the fleeting nature of the encounter, an unprecedented level of attraction is felt towards the other person. In addition to sexual attraction, there is also a visual experience.

For example, there is a sense of familiarity, an aesthetic compatibility, and an ideal partner quality. When we meet someone, our subconscious mind will label them with words like mature, reliable, beautiful, sunny, gloomy, unreliable, etc.

These labels are influenced by external factors such as appearance, voice, and temperament. The phenomenon of love at first sight can be attributed to a convergence of the subconscious mind and external factors in reality.

It is possible that your facial expression, tone of voice, or the melancholy look of someone who has just lost a lover suddenly touched D.

2) Projection effect: People often form an immediate connection with someone who is either similar to them or who evokes memories of their parents. Since parents are typically the source of security and stability, the person we form an immediate connection with often provides a similar sense of security.

Xiao D is affected by what she perceives to be a silhouette, similar to her mother's or another relative's, or a smile reflected in her rearview mirror. This brief encounter with a figure or expression can elicit a strong emotional response from the other person.

3) The halo effect, or idealization. Love at first sight is often accompanied by idealization of the partner, which can lead to disappointment when expectations are not met.

There is a passage in "Love Notes" that offers valuable insight: "In every case of love at first sight, there is an intentional exaggeration of the qualities of the lover. This exaggerated praise makes us invest our energy into a specific face, a face that carries our hasty beliefs and prevents disillusionment."

When you wish to test him, it is possible that Xiao D is unable to discern your original qualities that initially attracted him, whether through your deliberate actions or your unconventional mannerisms. It is also possible that the qualities that initially attracted him to you are merely a product of his imagination.

3. "I wanted to test his patience by demonstrating my ability to be unkind. If he could tolerate me, I would consider becoming his girlfriend. I frequently lost my temper and even threw things, though I did not intend to do so. Later, he said he felt I was too much of a challenge and wanted me to change my temperament, but I declined."

It is likely that your relationship began with "testing," which would make "trial" a more appropriate term. It is important to note that "firing temper" and "throwing things" are not the correct way for adults to express their emotions. These actions are more typical of a few-year-old child. If they throw things for no reason, they will probably be "punished." It is uncommon for people to fall in love with a child unless they perceive a positive quality in the individual, such as a kind heart or strong sexual attraction. In this case, it is possible that the individual is a masochist.

Please indicate which of the aforementioned characteristics you believe he possesses.

4. "I feel remorseful and informed him that I would modify my irritable behavior, but he did not reciprocate my gesture."

Please indicate whether your regret pertains to the discovery of his commendable qualities within a relatively short time frame.

Or were you seeking the gratification of being obeyed and submitted to by him? I apologize if my choice of words is inappropriate.

5. At 20, you are an adult. As such, you are expected to take responsibility for your actions. It is evident that you were not being entirely sincere from the outset; you were merely testing the waters. He did not rise to your challenges, and his decision to leave was entirely his own.

Furthermore, you are responsible for the consequences of your actions.

I hope the above analysis is useful to you.